NationStates Jolt Archive

So what do ya'll do when you see someone you care about crying? Personally crying makes me uncomfortable, because on one hand I want to hold them and comfort them, but I also want to kick the ass of whoever hurt them like that. I never could do both at the same time. So how do ya'll handle crying?

I just try to confort the perso.

I get them a blog so that they can have a good pouring out where I can ignore it.

I get them a blog so that they can have a good pouring out where I can ignore it.

Wow...you must have alot of friends.

Give them a hug, sit with them with my arm around them, make them a cup of tea, talk with them about it...you know, usual comforting things.

So what do ya'll do when you see someone you care about crying? Personally crying makes me uncomfortable, because on one hand I want to hold them and comfort them, but I also want to kick the ass of whoever hurt them like that. I never could do both at the same time. So how do ya'll handle crying?

So you are between two types of paladin.

Just kidding. I try to confort them, even though all my friends are way to proud to cry in front of me (includings girls), so it's very very rare.

Wow...you must have alot of friends.

Actually, I do. Not whining to people and not being a cry-baby seems to not repel them.

Actually, I do. Not whining to people and not being a cry-baby seems to not repel them.

Yea, but comon if one of your friend was crying, you'd honestly tell them to "Get a blog"? I mean I can be a cold hearted bastard to..well everyone but I can't do that to my friends.

Yea, but comon if one of your friend was crying, you'd honestly tell them to "Get a blog"? I mean I can be a cold hearted bastard to..well everyone but I can't do that to my friends.

I have done that very thing to a close friend. He appreciated it because what he needed was a wake-up call to see how pathetic he was being. Not everyone who cries needs a shoulder, in fact many of them need a good slap in the face instead.

I have done that very thing to a close friend. He appreciated it because what he needed was a wake-up call to see how pathetic he was being. Not everyone who cries needs a shoulder, but many of them need a good slap on the face.

So I'm guessing compassion isn't in your vocabulary then.

I tend to pass the Kleenex. Action beyond that depends on how close I am to the person.

So I'm guessing compassion isn't in your vocabulary then.

You confuse compassion with enabling.

So what do ya'll do when you see someone you care about crying? Personally crying makes me uncomfortable, because on one hand I want to hold them and comfort them, but I also want to kick the ass of whoever hurt them like that. I never could do both at the same time. So how do ya'll handle crying?

hug them would be a good option i imagine. It's not like they're going to kill you. Or if not that then i would offer something to them, generally be friendly to them. The last thing they need is a slap in the face.
well done, it's not as bloggy as i thought it would be.

I hold them with One arm...and punch the person that hurt them in the face with the other...

I hold them with One arm...and punch the person that hurt them in the face with the other...

Multitasking :cool:

Threaten to give them something to cry about.




>_>

I don't know, really, I've never had to deal with that, but I'd try to get them to talk about it or comfort them. (And if they wouldn't tell me, I'd try to get it out of somebody) If they wouldn't talk to me, I'd get somebody they would talk to.

make a fool out of myself and be a big overbearing pussy trying to cheer them up...

well sometimes I make jokes like when a friends mom had a heart attack and was bawling her eyes out on me so I decided this would be a good time to think up a heart attack joke! (honestly how much that amuses me thinking about it makes it so worth it)

I have done that very thing to a close friend. He appreciated it because what he needed was a wake-up call to see how pathetic he was being. Not everyone who cries needs a shoulder, in fact many of them need a good slap in the face instead.

where did you learn that because its very clever :)

where did you learn that because its very clever :)

I thought of it all on my own. Rare these days, I know.

What do I do?

Who is it, why are they doing it?

If it's someone close, I'd try to comfort them, but if it's someone I know and am simple friends with, I'd probably just give them the tissues. There's certain things that are easily solved with a slap to the face and call to order, but there are also people that would be less grateful if you helped them as such instead of simply ignoring them. If somebody died, someone left them, something bad happened, by default I'd comfort them. If they got a bad grade, some one said something, I'd probably go for the slap or ignore route. If someone hurt them (not the end of a relationship, different way of hurting), and I'm close to the person, I'd probably go confront the person that hurt them.

What do I do?

Who is it, why are they doing it?

If it's someone close, I'd try to comfort them, but if it's someone I know and am simple friends with, I'd probably just give them the tissues. There's certain things that are easily solved with a slap to the face and call to order, but there are also people that would be less grateful if you helped them as such instead of simply ignoring them. If somebody died, someone left them, something bad happened, by default I'd comfort them. If they got a bad grade, some one said something, I'd probably go for the slap or ignore route. If someone hurt them (not the end of a relationship, different way of hurting), and I'm close to the person, I'd probably go confront the person that hurt them.

Really?
hmmm does this vary for different situations, or is this what you'd do in everycase you can think of?
oh and welcome to NSG.:)

I usually look the other way and hope that the problem will go away. Consolation of people isn't exactly my strong suit. I leave it to the people who can actually do it so as not to risk aggravating the situation.

Really?
hmmm does this vary for different situations, or is this what you'd do in everycase you can think of?
oh and welcome to NSG.:)

If someone hurt them physically, I tend to go teach the other person a lesson. Unless its one of my friends. I usually just ignore their existence and prompt them to apologise. It works, too.

The 'teaching them a lesson' part is fairly easy. I'm six-foot eleven and a half. And I can bench 465 on a bad day.

If someone hurt them emotionally, providing it's not a break-up, I usually console them, and pursue the culprit till they apologise.

If someone hurt them mentally, I let my other friends fix the problem. I'm not good in that situation.

Come to think of it, I could have a good job in the Mafia. I can get people to do things I want easily, whether through force, or otherwise.

Spice Mines

If someone hurt them physically, I tend to go teach the other person a lesson. Unless its one of my friends. I usually just ignore their existence and prompt them to apologise. It works, too.
interesting.
So what happens if they didn't apologise? just an eye for an eye kind of idea or would you go to the authorities?

The 'teaching them a lesson' part is fairly easy. I'm six-foot eleven and a half. And I can bench 465 on a bad day.
well no wonder, at least they'd be scared of you. However this might not stop them from attacking another person.

If someone hurt them emotionally, providing it's not a break-up, I usually console them, and pursue the culprit till they apologise.
well...makes sense, but in some situations i'm not sure how this would work.

If someone hurt them mentally, I let my other friends fix the problem. I'm not good in that situation.
what's the difference between emotion and mentally?

Come to think of it, I could have a good job in the Mafia. I can get people to do things I want easily, whether through force, or otherwise.
yes....Mafia....right.
A bunch of arseholes who can't try to deal with things in the real world and have to use violence to get what they want. well i hope you don't join the Mafia. (i'm assuming you're being serious)

So how do ya'll handle crying?
Laugh in their faces and steal their wallet.

Depends
girl crying. hold her give her boozes to "feel better" then get her naked to feel better.


guy crying i smack him and tell him to stop being a pansy, then after he stops i take him out give him a few drinks, then talk a girl into sleeping with him, or buy him a hooker if that fails.

Give them tea and/or chocolate and ask if they are okay/want to talk.

Give them tea and/or chocolate and ask if they are okay/want to talk.

oh I feel so upset...erm I had a booboo! ;)

I thought of it all on my own. Rare these days, I know.

so its was you who thought up "cruel to be kind"? just how old are you :p

oh I feel so upset...erm I had a booboo! ;)



*Pours Earl Grey*

Sorry, gave the last of the chocolates to my mum, they were yummy, though.

Run away.

Tell them to man up. It doesn't particularly matter whether you're talking to a man or a woman. :)

*Pours Earl Grey*

how can you drink that sin?

Run away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_1cyQBB38A

If it's a male I gently pat them on the back and talk to them right away.

If it's a female I hold them while they cry and wait 10 minutes before daring to say a word.

how can you drink that sin?


Because I just love y/r?

(IC) laugh and point

how can you drink that sin?





that brings up a question what is proper tea ?

If it's a male I gently pat them on the back and talk to them right away.

If it's a male I tell him to suck it up.

If it's a female I hold them while they cry and wait 10 minutes before daring to say a word.
If it's a female I take advantage of her in her weakened emotional condition.
No, not really, what kind of arsehole do you think I am? I'm the jolly nice kind of arsehole...

If it's a male I tell him to suck it up.
I usually punch him, really hard. That way, he can claim his tears are from physical pain, and not that effeminate emotional stuff.

I usually punch him, really hard. That way, he can claim his tears are from physical pain, and not that effeminate emotional stuff.

Man..dude..guy..

That is supremely generous of you.
I'm so touched I think a tear is starting... Quick! Punch me!

Man..dude..guy..

That is supremely generous of you.
I'm so touched I think a tear is starting... Quick! Punch me!

Distance prevents it, but you can do what I always try when no other friendly male is handy: something incredibly stupid/macho that will almost certainly harm you. I'd suggest something on the order of trying to juggle the computer monitor you are using.

Distance prevents it, but you can do what I always try when no other friendly male is handy: something incredibly stupid/macho that will almost certainly harm you. I'd suggest something on the order of trying to juggle the computer monitor you are using.

That would probably suffice, being as it is an old CRT monitor from a Pentium II I used to use. It even has a big swath of dead pixels in the center from my icy stare.. or possibly from spitting too many corrosive drinks onto the screen after reading posts like yours.

So what do ya'll do when you see someone you care about crying? Personally crying makes me uncomfortable, because on one hand I want to hold them and comfort them, but I also want to kick the ass of whoever hurt them like that. I never could do both at the same time. So how do ya'll handle crying?

Dealing with this is easy. First thing I do is console the friend/loved one, then make an effort to find out what has upset them so. Follow that, I decide how it is I should proceed. Maybe somebody's getting whipping but maybe not.

So what do ya'll do when you see someone you care about crying? Personally crying makes me uncomfortable, because on one hand I want to hold them and comfort them, but I also want to kick the ass of whoever hurt them like that. I never could do both at the same time. So how do ya'll handle crying?

Well, that is a very general question.

To clear things up, I would ask them why they are crying first. Also, I wouldn't assume that someone hurt them or that the person who hurt them was at fault to begin with.

I don't give anyone a break from my judgment, crying or no, I always try to remain even handed and objective. That's probably why I don't have any friends, people don't tend to take constant scrutiny and criticism well...

People always expect you to side with them because you're their "friend", bah, screw that then.

So, to answer your question, I'm never in that situation because I reject ideas of "friendship" and "loyalty" and thus, have no friends. In their place I have principles and standards.

Generally, I listen. My reaction past that depends on the situation. If it's emotional hurt, it's something the person needs to deal with, and I don't need to involve myself in physical assault, harassment, or any other stupid moves.

If they've been physically injured, I sure as hell am not going to commit assault myself -- it's time to call the police.

You confuse compassion with enabling.

this

I'll console them as best I can. Male or female, doesn't matter to me.

I would never take advantage of a female in that condition. It's unethical and wrong and she'll know you're preying on her weak emotional state.

I'll never tell someone to get a blog. I don't even use one myself.

Yes, I'm straight.

I like the prevailing opinion here that men can't have emotions that don't hinge on violent behavior. As if a man can't be sad about something. My friend's father died recently, and he cried; not once did I consider slapping him out of it or telling him to suck it up and stop being a pansy.

when a friend crys, i cry inside. but i try to respect their dignity and avoid reminding them of whatever might be the cause of their suffering.

which means i avoid draging them through the reliving of it to tell me about it either. if they want to tell me about it, they will, in thier own due time.

generally i seriously doubt most of the time there's crap all i can do about it.

it does motivate me all the harder though, to avoid mayself, and try to convince others, to avoid motivating the policies that create the conditions that cause anyone to suffer.

anger at the human stupidity of causing and motivating the causing of such conditions does that to me too.

=^^=
.../\...

That depends on who does it, and why.

If it's a stranger.. well, unfortunately, a friend of mine and I have both done our share of unwanted crying in public these last days, and we can both report that not a single person ever did not the slightest thing (apart from looking uncomfortable or even pointing and laughing, at one occasion), and that's puzzled me.. mind, I most certainly didn't "expect", let alone want anybody to do whatever, but it amazed me because I'd always at least get up and ask whether they are okay, at least physically, and whether they need help.

If it's a friend, it's "hug first, ask questions later", no matter the sex/gender, with questions of course ranging from "What's happened?" and "How can I be there for you?" to "Don't you think you ought to get a grip and do something about it?". I would, however, never dream of "revenging" them, firstly because I don't believe in revenge and secondly because I feel such things would be up to them to do.

The only thing I get extremely squeamish about is people in authority crying. Teachers, lecturers, parents.. I've seen all three, and while I eventually get down to the "stranger" routine, it feels terribly awkward.

I have one friend whom I have seen crying. In her case, it was relationship issues. I provided a shoulder. I also cried a little.

In my opinion, this is what friends are for (well, one of the things): being there for each other when things go wrong. I help my friend when she needs me. Often, her needs are more financial - she has a lot of financial issues, and I don't. Hell, our friendship started with me helping her - first with chemistry homework, then with a D&D character.

On the flip side, she helps me when I need to get someplace - she has a car.