NationStates Jolt Archive

Yes, this is another one of my oh so wonderful rant where at least one poster tells me to get a blog, and I'm betting that'll happen in the first five post. I've been hanging out with my female friends alot lately, mainly because well, hehe, she's my ex from High School. Yea, it's the same one that contacted me on MySpace wanting to talk. Why I'm hanging out with her, what can I say I can't hold a grudge forever and I have known her since the 1st grade.

Anyways, she has a bf, but the relationship is on the way out, mainly because she's not happy, she's always stressed (apparently she smokes alot to release the stress), and ah the tension between them is so thick and highly strung, if you could cut it with a knife, all Hell would break loose. Anyways, this guy, who I think in of himself is an ok guy, does not know the meaning of the word No. He knows the relationship is on the way out, and apparently he wanted to get all cuddly and lovey dovey with her, which she does not want to do. Right now it's just innocence stuff like cuddling, or kissing. She has told him no, but he keeps on pestering her about it until she gets tired of it and gives in. From what she tells me, he doesn't handle "No" well. If she had a hard day at work, and doesn't feel like doing anything, he'll complain and whine and sulk.

I dunno though, a red flag is going off in my head, I know right now this stuff looks innocence, I mean cuddling and kissing isn't that harmful in of itself. However, with the tension, the relationship falling apart faster than Michael Jackson's plastic surgery, I'm starting to worry that if he can't handle "No" now, what's going to happen if he gets frustrated and mad and decide to "take what his" from her, IE Rape. I mean he doesn't seem like that kind of guy, but right now he is being passive aggressive.

Do I have a right to be worried that he can't seem to handle "No" and worry that he might try to rape her if she says "No" to sex? Or am I just being overly paranoid again?

I think you do have a right to worry. I meen if she says no but she eventually gives in because he`s annoying her, isn`t that technically rape? Even if it isn`t, what happens when she doesn`t give in and completely refuses ?

So your completely justified in worrying.

Yes, this is another one of my oh so wonderful rant where at least one poster tells me to get a blog, and I'm betting that'll happen in the first five post. I've been hanging out with my female friends alot lately, mainly because well, hehe, she's my ex from High School. Yea, it's the same one that contacted me on MySpace wanting to talk. Why I'm hanging out with her, what can I say I can't hold a grudge forever and I have known her since the 1st grade.

Anyways, she has a bf, but the relationship is on the way out, mainly because she's not happy, she's always stressed (apparently she smokes alot to release the stress), and ah the tension between them is so thick and highly strung, if you could cut it with a knife, all Hell would break loose. Anyways, this guy, who I think in of himself is an ok guy, does not know the meaning of the word No. He knows the relationship is on the way out, and apparently he wanted to get all cuddly and lovey dovey with her, which she does not want to do. Right now it's just innocence stuff like cuddling, or kissing. She has told him no, but he keeps on pestering her about it until she gets tired of it and gives in. From what she tells me, he doesn't handle "No" well. If she had a hard day at work, and doesn't feel like doing anything, he'll complain and whine and sulk.

I dunno though, a red flag is going off in my head, I know right now this stuff looks innocence, I mean cuddling and kissing isn't that harmful in of itself. However, with the tension, the relationship falling apart faster than Michael Jackson's plastic surgery, I'm starting to worry that if he can't handle "No" now, what's going to happen if he gets frustrated and mad and decide to "take what his" from her, IE Rape. I mean he doesn't seem like that kind of guy, but right now he is being passive aggressive.

Do I have a right to be worried that he can't seem to handle "No" and worry that he might try to rape her if she says "No" to sex? Or am I just being overly paranoid again?


You have every right to be worried about a friend of yours, in this case well I don't know if what you suggest may happen may. Shit but thats just my opinion.

*yells in the distance*
Get a BLOG!
srsly fgr t t yourself.

I think you do have a right to worry. I meen if she says no but she eventually gives in because he`s annoying her, isn`t that technically rape? Even if it isn`t, what happens when she doesn`t give in and completely refuses ?

So your completely justified in worrying.

You have every right to be worried about a friend of yours, in this case well I don't know if what you suggest may happen may. Shit but thats just my opinion.

Yea, I would love to get her out of his house, but she has no place to go. She has a job, but apparently can't save up enough to pay for rent, or food. I don't have a place of my own either (not yet anyways, I'm working on that.) but jeez...

First off, I have to ask how you even know these details and how you're privy to the intimate details of their relationship.

Secondly, you just basically called a guy, who, from my standpoint, is trying to restore some intimacy in a relationship he might be afraid is falling apart, and gets, perhaps with good reason, upset when his partner shrugs off any type of physical intimacy...and called him a soon to be rapist.

Right...good job.

*yells in the distance*
Get a BLOG!
srsly fgr t t yourself.

*shoots a dead to Mad hatters with a catapult.

What's the "srsly fgr t t yourself"?

Speakth the English! :p

First off, I have to ask how you even know these details and how you're privy to the intimate details of their relationship.

She tells me and I've had first hand experience?


Secondly, you just basically called a guy, who, from my standpoint, is trying to restore some intimacy in a relationship he might be afraid is falling apart, and gets, perhaps with good reason, upset when his partner shrugs off any type of physical intimacy...and called him a soon to be rapist.

Right...good job.

Oh comon Art, when a woman says No, she means No and honestly I think that should be respected! I don't care if you've both been married for 30 years! If your wife says No, then well, she means NO! The fact that he keeps going on about it until she gives in is worrying to me because he apparently is not respecting her decision and her wishes.

*shoots a dead to Mad hatters with a catapult.

What's the "srsly fgr t t yourself"?

Speakth the English! :P

seriously figure it out yourself
s r sly f g r t t yourself
srsly fgr t t yourself

simple. textspeak will tak over teh world.
and....
get a blog!
awesome i get to fly!

Anyways, she has a bf, but the relationship is on the way out, mainly because she's not happy, she's always stressed (apparently she smokes alot to release the stress), and ah the tension between them is so thick and highly strung, if you could cut it with a knife, all Hell would break loose.

they are in a happy normal relationship and have been going out for a long time I'd bet (also you suddenly think the guy is a rapist? what the hell!:eek:)

this is what love is :)

Yea, I would love to get her out of his house, but she has no place to go. She has a job, but apparently can't save up enough to pay for rent, or food.

I think you taking your new position as bitching post far too seriously

when a woman says No, she means No and honestly I think that should be respected! I don't care if you've both been married for 30 years! If your wife says No, then well, she means NO! The fact that he keeps going on about it until she gives in is worrying to me because he apparently is not respecting her decision and her wishes.

you really don't understand women do you?

She tells me and I've had first hand experience?

So most of it is filtered through her own experience, not his?

I see. Amazing you feel so comfortable calling him a would be rapist, given that.


Oh comon Art, when a woman says No, she means No and honestly I think that should be respected! I don't care if you've both been married for 30 years! If your wife says No, then well, she means NO! The fact that he keeps going on about it until she gives in is worrying to me because he apparently is not respecting her decision and her wishes.

She has a right to say no, of cours she does. Does he not have the right to vocalize the fact that he's upset that she said no? Does he not have the right to try and change her mind?

Now don't get me wrong, putting pressure on someone is a somewhat dickish thing to do, but to jump from that, to rape? To go from somewhat passive aggressive and perhaps disrespectful behavior to RAPING HER?

Are you serious?

you really don't understand women do you?

Are you saying that when women say no they actually meen yes ?

So most of it is filtered through her own experience, not his?

As well as my own, I've seen him ask her to cuddle, she says no, he gets whiny, and won't stop until she rolls her eyes and gives in.

She has a right to say no, of cours she does. Does he not have the right to vocalize the fact that he's upset that she said no? Does he not have the right to try and change her mind?

He has the right to say that it upsets him, and he has the right to know why she doesn't want to be physical with him. But to keep pressuring her into things is not right.

Now don't get me wrong, putting pressure on someone is a somewhat dickish thing to do, but to jump from that, to rape? To go from somewhat passive aggressive and perhaps disrespectful behavior to RAPING HER?

Are you serious?

I'm just saying that it has the possibility to go down a bad road. Hell it just took the turn onto the bad road. It's not too late to turn around, but you DO have to wonder why this guy can't accept a "No" and if he can't accept that, then you have to wonder what will happen if he hears "No" one too many times.

Are you saying that when women say no they actually meen yes ?

do you mind if I have a few friends stay over this weekend?
your not mad at me are you?

:p

As well as my own, I've seen him ask her to cuddle, she says no, he gets whiny, and won't stop until she rolls her eyes and gives in.

I actually play this game all the time....:eek: I must be a rapist!

I'm just saying that it has the possibility to go down a bad road. Hell it just took the turn onto the bad road. It's not too late to turn around, but you DO have to wonder why this guy can't accept a "No" and if he can't accept that, then you have to wonder what will happen if he hears "No" one too many times.


I'm sorry, but I think that presuming that the behavior you have witnessed is a prelude to rape is ascinine, and, were I that guy, extremely offensive.

Run away Wilgrove. Run away run away run away.

Don't talk to her anymore. Ever. Run away.

Run away Wilgrove. Run away run away run away.

Don't talk to her anymore. Ever. Run away.

he can run all he wants but nobody can escape the clutches of "her best friend" :p

Run away Wilgrove. Run away run away run away.

Don't talk to her anymore. Ever. Run away.

Oh trust me, I'm already waist deep into the river of shit, and I've already gotten some attention from him, his dad, and his friends, So I'm already on the set of Jerry Springer. Without the set, Jerry, the broadcast, or the audience.

Oh trust me, I'm already waist deep into the river of shit, and I've already gotten some attention from him, his dad, and his friends, So I'm already on the set of Jerry Springer. Without the set, Jerry, the broadcast, or the audience.

He's not going to be your problem, she is. Girls who contact ex-boyfriends randomly at "the end of their relationship" with a guy who is "mistreating" them are manipulative bitches. I promise. Run away. Run fast, run far, run away.

He's not going to be your problem, she is. Girls who contact ex-boyfriends randomly at "the end of their relationship" with a guy who is "mistreating" them are manipulative bitches. I promise. Run away. Run fast, run far, run away.

What are the signs that she's being manipulative, beside the fact that she contacted me at the end of a relationship of hers.

What are the signs that she's being manipulative, beside the fact that she contacted me at the end of a relationship of hers.

The fact that she's manipulating you. Why did she contact you? Why is she telling you all this crap about her man? Why are you even involved?

The fact that she's manipulating you. Why did she contact you? Why is she telling you all this crap about her man? Why are you even involved?

Apparently to talk to me again, Because if she tells anyone else, somehow it gets back to him, I honestly have no idea.

Apparently to talk to me again, Because if she tells anyone else, somehow it gets back to him, I honestly have no idea.

So, she's the victim and you are the rescuer? Does she not have friends? I'm telling you this is bad bad news. Run away.

*agrees with Smunkee*. And send her to a professional - she needs help but not the type you can provide nor of the kind you think.

What you're describing is a part of the relationship. As in, it ain't over 'til it's over. You should not get in the middle.

And your fears of rape seems completely unfounded and paranoid.Nothing implies that he'll take such a huge step way over the line because he whines for cuddling.

Also: Run away. Do that now.

Firstly, back away... go for the door and close it.

Now, if you value her as a friend, you'll try and stay out as much as you can. If you still fear her safety, find out information for her; information about professionals she can turn to if she needs help. You don't want to appear involved because it could make it worse for her.

This guy needs to know that she is making this choice on her own and that no one else is trying to take her away because that's when everything gets nasty.

She also sounds like she's caught in a corner and she could get out but she would rather have a knight in shining armour.

So, she's the victim and you are the rescuer? Does she not have friends? I'm telling you this is bad bad news. Run away.

agreed. Awfully convenient this.

I've been here. Start running. Now. If you're lucky, you'll be out of range before the relationship finally falls apart, and you can avoid the domestic disputes and testifying.

Women keep trying to do this to me, but I learned after the third time what's going on (so I'm a slow learner, sue me). You don't want to be in the middle of this, so if you're already waist deep into the river of shit start swimming for the shore. Get out, now. Don't answer phone calls, e-mails, myspace messages. Just drop off the world.

This little phrase comes in handy:

"Which part of 'NO!' didn't you understand?"

He's not going to be your problem, she is. Girls who contact ex-boyfriends randomly at "the end of their relationship" with a guy who is "mistreating" them are manipulative bitches. I promise. Run away. Run fast, run far, run away.

WORD!

you need to get away from this girl, she is poison.

if she doesnt want to be with her boyfriend she can break up with him. millions of women do it every day.

WORD!

you need to get away from this girl, she is poison.

if she doesnt want to be with her boyfriend she can break up with him. millions of women do it every day.

are you....are you breaking up with me?

are you....are you breaking up with me?

lets cuddle for a while first, then ill have wilgrove let you know.

lets cuddle for a while first, then ill have wilgrove let you know.

sure but...does he have to, you know...watch us like that?

Wilgrove, what is this tendency you've picked up for finding excuses to look down on people and condemn them?

This boyfriend... sounds like a whiner. So what? Has it occurred to you that your friend is an adult and needs to handle this by either breaking up with him and getting it over with or being less of a whiner herself. It sounds like you're probably getting an exaggerated picture in order to get you all riled up and you want to be a knight in shining armor to do what?

Are you looking for an excuse to start a fight with this fellow?

Smunkeeville is right. You need to get away from it because you're being manipulated and you're swallowing it whole. You're being a sucker. if things were really that bad, why hasn't she broken up with him already?

Think about it.

sure but...does he have to, you know...watch us like that?

NA, I thought you of all people would be alright with the concept of watching. ;)

NA, I thought you of all people would be alright with the concept of watching. ;)

you know, of all my various and assorted kinks, of which there are many, voyeurism/exhibitionism isn't really one of them.

you know, of all my various and assorted kinks, of which there are many, voyeurism/exhibitionism isn't really one of them.

Unless you're tired, right?

Unless you're tired, right?

well, in that case, I might as well

I've been here. Start running. Now. If you're lucky, you'll be out of range before the relationship finally falls apart, and you can avoid the domestic disputes and testifying.

Women keep trying to do this to me, but I learned after the third time what's going on (so I'm a slow learner, sue me). You don't want to be in the middle of this, so if you're already start swimming for the shore. Get out, now. Don't answer phone calls, e-mails, myspace messages. Just drop off the world.

Spot on.

The only reason NOT to do this is if, on some level, one is holding out a candle for a possible future relationship with the girl.

O_o

So, she's the victim and you are the rescuer? Does she not have friends? I'm telling you this is bad bad news. Run away.

She's not that social...like me. Hell I only have like three closes friends. She does have friends, but her friends are dating guys that are friends with her boyfriend so, what she tells them, gets to the friend's boyfriend gets back to her boyfriend.

So far I haven't made any attempt to "rescue" her, I'm just simply the guy who listens to her, talk to her, and gives her advice.

*agrees with Smunkee*. And send her to a professional - she needs help but not the type you can provide nor of the kind you think.

She doesn't like "professionals", apparently she gets nothing from talking to a stranger.

What you're describing is a part of the relationship. As in, it ain't over 'til it's over. You should not get in the middle.

And your fears of rape seems completely unfounded and paranoid.Nothing implies that he'll take such a huge step way over the line because he whines for cuddling.

Also: Run away. Do that now.

Yea, my paranoia does that.

Firstly, back away... go for the door and close it.

Now, if you value her as a friend, you'll try and stay out as much as you can. If you still fear her safety, find out information for her; information about professionals she can turn to if she needs help. You don't want to appear involved because it could make it worse for her.

I have simply just been talking to her as a friend, giving her someone she can talk to and who will listen, and honestly the only time I give advice is when she ask for it.


This guy needs to know that she is making this choice on her own and that no one else is trying to take her away because that's when everything gets nasty.

She also sounds like she's caught in a corner and she could get out but she would rather have a knight in shining armour.

Well it ain't going to be me. I'll be her friend, but getting between two people that are breaking up, I'd try to break up a fight between two pit bulls before doing that.

I've been here. Start running. Now. If you're lucky, you'll be out of range before the relationship finally falls apart, and you can avoid the domestic disputes and testifying.

Alittle late on that. Apparently his dad, her other friend, her friend's boyfriend thinks we're seeing each other and sleeping together. Personally I just find that laughable.

Women keep trying to do this to me, but I learned after the third time what's going on (so I'm a slow learner, sue me). You don't want to be in the middle of this, so if you're already start swimming for the shore. Get out, now. Don't answer phone calls, e-mails, myspace messages. Just drop off the world.

Nah, I can't do that to her. Could she be manipulating me, maybe, but maybe she just needs a friend. Maybe she just needs someone she can vent to, someone who'll listen to her and talk to her.

WORD!

you need to get away from this girl, she is poison.

if she doesnt want to be with her boyfriend she can break up with him. millions of women do it every day.

Yea, I've asked her about that several times, and this is the answer I got.

1. She has no place to go, and can't save up enough money to move out. She doesn't have any friend she can stay with, her aunt and uncle don't have any place and neither does anyone else in her family.

2. He asked for one last chance, so she's giving it to him, Not much of a last chance if you ask me, because honestly, She pretty much knows he's going to screw it up, and I think she's just waiting for that to happen so she can dump him. Not my style, but whatever.

Wilgrove, what is this tendency you've picked up for finding excuses to look down on people and condemn them?

This boyfriend... sounds like a whiner. So what? Has it occurred to you that your friend is an adult and needs to handle this by either breaking up with him and getting it over with or being less of a whiner herself. It sounds like you're probably getting an exaggerated picture in order to get you all riled up and you want to be a knight in shining armor to do what?

Are you looking for an excuse to start a fight with this fellow?

Smunkeeville is right. You need to get away from it because you're being manipulated and you're swallowing it whole. You're being a sucker. if things were really that bad, why hasn't she broken up with him already?

Think about it.

I have, and I am alittle skeptical that they will break up if at all. They've been dating for four years, they live together with his dad, so yea. Also as to why they haven't broken up, see above.

I"m sorry, I know there's a strong possibility that I'm being manipulated, but I still consider her a friend, and I'm very loyal to my friends. I don't just up and ditch them because things look iffy.

A little late on that. Apparently his dad, her other friend, her friend's boyfriend thinks we're seeing each other and sleeping together. Personally I just find that laughable.

Not too late. You can still run.

Nah, I can't do that to her. Could she be manipulating me, maybe, but maybe she just needs a friend. Maybe she just needs someone she can vent to, someone who'll listen to her and talk to her.

I"m sorry, I know there's a strong possibility that I'm being manipulated, but I still consider her a friend, and I'm very loyal to my friends. I don't just up and ditch them because things look iffy.

http://www.mdsg.umd.edu/images/uploads/siteimages/imported/FF6-photo2.gif

It sounds like she's playing it 10 different ways, you're already in the middle of it whether you think you are or not.

If you want to bank on her honesty and live in drama.... it's your funeral.

I can tell you though, if she really felt she was being mistreated, she would leave. That's what grown ups do, they either stay and make excuses or they leave. It's not about 'not having anywhere to go' it's about her wanting to manipulate the situation.

SNIP

I don't mean to offend but why ask advice here when you seem to have a pretty good idea of what you're going to do anyway?

It sounds like she's playing it 10 different ways, you're already in the middle of it whether you think you are or not.

If you want to bank on her honesty and live in drama.... it's your funeral.

I can tell you though, if she really felt she was being mistreated, she would leave. That's what grown ups do, they either stay and make excuses or they leave. It's not about 'not having anywhere to go' it's about her wanting to manipulate the situation.

Smunk, if you and me keep agreeing like this, I'm going to have to take steps. It's disturbing.

It sounds like she's playing it 10 different ways, you're already in the middle of it whether you think you are or not.

If you want to bank on her honesty and live in drama.... it's your funeral.

Oh trust me, I'm always in drama. If it's not her drama, it's my own family's drama, and if it's not family drama, it's school drama.


I can tell you though, if she really felt she was being mistreated, she would leave. That's what grown ups do, they either stay and make excuses or they leave. It's not about 'not having anywhere to go' it's about her wanting to manipulate the situation.

Ok, but let's just assume for a minute that she is being honest, where would she go and how would she pay for a place?

Oh trust me, I'm always in drama. If it's not her drama, it's my own family's drama, and if it's not family drama, it's school drama.

Ok, but let's just assume for a minute that she is being honest, where would she go and how would she pay for a place?

If you don't mind drama, you should let her move in with you. I assure you that you'll have more drama than you can handle. You might also get some bruises and get to file a police report.

Oh trust me, I'm always in drama. If it's not her drama, it's my own family's drama, and if it's not family drama, it's school drama.
ah, I'm in the middle of purging my life of dramamonsters.

Ok, but let's just assume for a minute that she is being honest, where would she go and how would she pay for a place?
I don't know. It's not your responsibility mr. libertarian. When I moved out of an abusive relationship I lived in my car. If it's bad enough you leave.
If you don't mind drama, you should let her move in with you. I assure you that you'll have more drama than you can handle. You might also get some bruises and get to file a police report.
^this. Remember though, one day when she gets bored, you will be the one "mistreating" her and she will seek out people to "talk to" and "ask for advice".

^this. Remember though, one day when she gets bored, you will be the one "mistreating" her and she will seek out people to "talk to" and "ask for advice".

I was just saying he should do that now. If he's going to do it anyway, why not cut to the chase?

Smunk, if you and me keep agreeing like this, I'm going to have to take steps. It's disturbing.

A duel! :eek:

http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/ad/fence.gif

Yes, this is another one of my oh so wonderful rant where at least one poster tells me to get a blog, and I'm betting that'll happen in the first five post. I've been hanging out with my female friends alot lately, mainly because well, hehe, she's my ex from High School. Yea, it's the same one that contacted me on MySpace wanting to talk. Why I'm hanging out with her, what can I say I can't hold a grudge forever and I have known her since the 1st grade.

Anyways, she has a bf, but the relationship is on the way out, mainly because she's not happy, she's always stressed (apparently she smokes alot to release the stress), and ah the tension between them is so thick and highly strung, if you could cut it with a knife, all Hell would break loose. Anyways, this guy, who I think in of himself is an ok guy, does not know the meaning of the word No. He knows the relationship is on the way out, and apparently he wanted to get all cuddly and lovey dovey with her, which she does not want to do. Right now it's just innocence stuff like cuddling, or kissing. She has told him no, but he keeps on pestering her about it until she gets tired of it and gives in. From what she tells me, he doesn't handle "No" well. If she had a hard day at work, and doesn't feel like doing anything, he'll complain and whine and sulk.

I dunno though, a red flag is going off in my head, I know right now this stuff looks innocence, I mean cuddling and kissing isn't that harmful in of itself. However, with the tension, the relationship falling apart faster than Michael Jackson's plastic surgery, I'm starting to worry that if he can't handle "No" now, what's going to happen if he gets frustrated and mad and decide to "take what his" from her, IE Rape. I mean he doesn't seem like that kind of guy, but right now he is being passive aggressive.

Do I have a right to be worried that he can't seem to handle "No" and worry that he might try to rape her if she says "No" to sex? Or am I just being overly paranoid again?

Fair points are made that this doesn't necessarily make him likely to rape but it's pretty fucked up to be putting that much pressure on someone sexually.

He may not be a rapist but he sounds like a completely selfish dickwad.

As well as my own, I've seen him ask her to cuddle, she says no, he gets whiny, and won't stop until she rolls her eyes and gives in.
I actually play this game all the time....:eek: I must be a rapist!

No offence to you or anything, but personally I just wouldn't be able to do that.

If I'm gonna do 'stuff' with a girl then she's got to want to, I don't mind encouraging her but whining and such I just couldn't do. I wouldn't be able to enjoy the experience at all knowing that she doesn't really want to, I'd feel like shit.

I mean, a bit of encouragement is fine, but acting all hurt and like you 'need' sex, so she 'll feel guilty for ruining your evening just because she doesn't want to, I think that's fucked up.

That's a technique a lot of guys use to get sex: guilt. And that's just fucked up.

If you don't want to have sex then you don't want to have sex, and no one should make you feel like you're hurting someone because of that.

A duel! :eek:

http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/ad/fence.gif

Funny commented pictures at 20 paces!

Ok, but let's just assume for a minute that she is being honest, where would she go and how would she pay for a place?

That would be HER problem. Millions of people however seem to manage it just fine, using something called "jobs" and "income" instead of using something called "Wilgrove".

He's not going to be your problem, she is. Girls who contact ex-boyfriends randomly at "the end of their relationship" with a guy who is "mistreating" them are manipulative bitches. I promise. Run away. Run fast, run far, run away.

So, she's the victim and you are the rescuer? Does she not have friends? I'm telling you this is bad bad news. Run away.

Daaamn, that's so true.

I'll be another one agreeing: "Get out now!"

seriously figure it out yourself
s r sly f g r t t yourself
srsly fgr t t yourself

simple. textspeak will tak over teh world.
and....
get a blog!
awesome i get to fly!


I seriously hope not. You completely undermine the entire point of language when you communicate in such a way that no one can understand what the fuck you are saying. I know the temptation to be cool for your friends is almost too good to pass up, but if you're not going to post something people can understand, you might as well not post at all.

.... /tangent

Back on topic... not knowing anything about the personality of the guy in question, I would say that there isn't anything to worry about. It's not as though he's throwing/breaking things or screaming at her when she refuses. Going from sulking at refusal to outright rape with nothing in between seems like something of a stretch to me. Not that I agree with his nagging, but it seems that he's learned that he'll get what he want if he persists. Probably something she'll want to be firm with in the future.

ah, I'm in the middle of purging my life of dramamonsters.

Good luck on that. :)

I don't know. It's not your responsibility mr. libertarian. When I moved out of an abusive relationship I lived in my car. If it's bad enough you leave.

It may not be my responsibility, but doesn't mean I won't look out for her. Maybe it's not that bad, I dunno, I tend to either gauge things really low, or my paranoia gets the best of me and I gauge things really high.

I wonder what this friend would think if she knew her personal life was being broadcast on the Net for all to see.

Anonymity isn't always enough to soothe.

Funny commented pictures at 20 paces!

Oooh, that's a new one. I was expecting banjos. But have at thee!

It may not be my responsibility, but doesn't mean I won't look out for her. Maybe it's not that bad, I dunno, I tend to either gauge things really low, or my paranoia gets the best of me and I gauge things really high.

I am the voice of experience on this one. Listen to me and learn. If you are only able to experience one of the two extremes, go to the other one.

It may not be the truth, but it's closer to the truth. Besides, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

She's not that social...like me. Hell I only have like three closes friends. She does have friends, but her friends are dating guys that are friends with her boyfriend so, what she tells them, gets to the friend's boyfriend gets back to her boyfriend. Right, so her "Friends" take what she says in confidence and sends it right back to her potential abuser? Shitty friends.
She doesn't like "professionals", apparently she gets nothing from talking to a stranger.Riiiiight.

Well it ain't going to be me. I'll be her friend, but getting between two people that are breaking up, I'd try to break up a fight between two pit bulls before doing that.Wise policy.



Alittle late on that. Apparently his dad, her other friend, her friend's boyfriend thinks we're seeing each other and sleeping together. Personally I just find that laughable.How can you possibly know that? Who told you?


1. She has no place to go, and can't save up enough money to move out. She doesn't have any friend she can stay with, her aunt and uncle don't have any place and neither does anyone else in her family.Bullshit. Not only are her friends shit so is her family? Jesus she ought eat a bullet.

First off, I have to ask how you even know these details and how you're privy to the intimate details of their relationship.

Secondly, you just basically called a guy, who, from my standpoint, is trying to restore some intimacy in a relationship he might be afraid is falling apart, and gets, perhaps with good reason, upset when his partner shrugs off any type of physical intimacy...and called him a soon to be rapist.

Right...good job.

That was my thought too.

Besides. If he sulks, thats not really the rapist reaction. If he got aggressive, that be a different story.



Finally, as others have said, youre being manipulated and dont even seem to realize it. Girls like this are something I left behind me in high school. But trust me, I gots me lots of experiance with their kind.


Everyone else is right, *In Monty Python British Accent* "Run away!"

That was my thought too.

Besides. If he sulks, thats not really the rapist reaction. If he got aggressive, that be a different story.



Finally, as others have said, youre being manipulated and dont even seem to realize it. Girls like this are something I left behind me in high school. But trust me, I gots me lots of experiance with their kind.


Everyone else is right, *In Monty Python British Accent* "Run away!"

You know, that's a good point. This guy is demonstrating passive aggressive behavior. That's not the profile of a rapist, which is a crime of power, not desire.

And it looks to me like ol' Wilgrove failed his save vs. Spell and is in this girl's power despite common sense.

She tells me and I've had first hand experience?

Heehee. Hand experience.:p

That's not the profile of a rapist, which is a crime of power, not desire.Where did you get your information about the profile of a rapist? Different people commit the same crime for different reasons.

You know, that's a good point. This guy is demonstrating passive aggressive behavior. That's not the profile of a rapist, which is a crime of power, not desire.

And it looks to me like ol' Wilgrove failed his save vs. Spell and is in this girl's power despite common sense.

I'm trying to buff him with Resist Manipulation, but he keeps clicking the buff off.

Right, so her "Friends" take what she says in confidence and sends it right back to her potential abuser? Shitty friends.

We're not all blessed with good friends.

Riiiiight.

*shrugs* Meh, Therapy didn't work for me either, it's not for everyone.

Wise policy.

I'm not a complete idiot.

How can you possibly know that? Who told you?

Oh everyone, they think they're whispering, but I can hear them.

Bullshit. Not only are her friends shit so is her family? Jesus she ought eat a bullet.

Not everyone is blessed with a good family either.

You know, that's a good point. This guy is demonstrating passive aggressive behavior. That's not the profile of a rapist, which is a crime of power, not desire.

And it looks to me like ol' Wilgrove failed his save vs. Spell and is in this girl's power despite common sense.

Yeah, she cast Dominate Mind on him.

Where did you get your information about the profile of a rapist? Different people commit the same crime for different reasons.

A profile is a generalization. The point is the paranoia is not justified here.

I'm trying to buff him with Resist Manipulation, but he keeps clicking the buff off.

I'm sure it's not the first time, but I've never before seen a Dungeons & Dragons reference get short circuited into a WoW reference...

But you're right. It looks to me like our buddy Wilgrove has already made up his mind and is only here to get validation.

Where did you get your information about the profile of a rapist? Different people commit the same crime for different reasons.

True, but one does not rape by begging. Then its pity sex:p


As a rule of thumb, rapists are aggressive when told no. If he yelled at her and hit her every time she said no, hed have a right to worry.


Here he does not.

Yeah, she cast Dominate Mind on him.

I thought it was "Charm Penis"

because unless I miss my guess, that's where the decisions are being made from.

Oh everyone, they think they're whispering, but I can hear them.

:eek:


Mommy, I'm scared...


*Flees*

I thought it was "Charm Penis"

because unless I miss my guess, that's where the decisions are being made from.



True.


Wilgrove, be honost, are you trying to get into her pants? Cmon, most of us here would applaud you for that at least.

I'm sure it's not the first time, but I've never before seen a Dungeons & Dragons reference get short circuited into a WoW reference...

/bow

Oh everyone, they think they're whispering, but I can hear them.


That...um...that's really disturbing.

That...um...that's really disturbing.

Thank the BAHA. :D Bone Anchored Hearing Aid. :D

True.


Wilgrove, be honost, are you trying to get into her pants? Cmon, most of us here would applaud you for that at least.

I...do still have some feelings for her, I mean comon she was my ex and in many ways she was my first love. If she became single, would I get together with her, I don't see why not. But right now, I'm putting all of my romantic feelings and urges for her into a neat little box, and trying my best to be simply a friend.

That...um...that's really disturbing.

and also the walls aren't that well insulated. I can hear her friend's boyfriend and her boyfriend talking, and I know what they're saying. Having the BAHA just makes it easier.

I...do still have some feelings for her, I mean comon she was my ex and in many ways she was my first love. If she became single, would I get together with her, I don't see why not. But right now, I'm putting all of my romantic feelings and urges for her into a neat little box, and trying my best to be simply a friend.

I call bull****. As far as I can tell, you are not trained to compartmentalize your life, and can't simply do it on a whim. You may think that you've set them to the side, but they're dominating you, otherwise you'd be smart and be running like all of us tell you to.

I...do still have some feelings for her, I mean comon she was my ex and in many ways she was my first love. If she became single, would I get together with her, I don't see why not. But right now, I'm putting all of my romantic feelings and urges for her into a neat little box, and trying my best to be simply a friend.

Ask yourself this: Would you be acting in the EXACT SAME way if this friend were a dude?

I...do still have some feelings for her, I mean comon she was my ex and in many ways she was my first love. If she became single, would I get together with her, I don't see why not. But right now, I'm putting all of my romantic feelings and urges for her into a neat little box, and trying my best to be simply a friend.

And there is the problem.


Im not trying to be a dick in what Im about to say, but I can say with 90% certiantity that the reason she is coming to you for all this is because she knows you still have feelings for her, and that makes you easier to manipulate.

And, I think the reason you are reacting like you are, is because in your eyes, still having feelings for her, it must be that she is being mistreated, and that is where this concern for rape is coming from. Also, even if its on a subconscience level, you see it as advantagous for you for them to break up, and to paint her current boyfriend as a bad person.


This is all normal human reactions. Im not insulting you. Itd be stranger if this is how you werent acting.

And there is the problem.


Im not trying to be a dick in what Im about to say, but I can say with 90% certiantity that the reason she is coming to you for all this is because she knows you still have feelings for her, and that makes you easier to manipulate.

And, I think the reason you are reacting like you are, is because in your eyes, still having feelings for her, it must be that she is being mistreated, and that is where this concern for rape is coming from. Also, even if its on a subconscience level, you see it as advantagous for you for them to break up, and to paint her current boyfriend as a bad person.


This is all normal human reactions. Im not insulting you. Itd be stranger if this is how you werent acting.

Mmm.

You can be a good friend without being involved in her love life, 'Grove.

I...do still have some feelings for her, I mean comon she was my ex and in many ways she was my first love. If she became single, would I get together with her, I don't see why not. But right now, I'm putting all of my romantic feelings and urges for her into a neat little box, and trying my best to be simply a friend.

Why is she your ex? Don't just smooth over and say "it didn't work out". Think about it. She is the same person she was then, only now she figures she has a fair amount of control over you. Listen I spent a long time being a bad person I totally know what she is doing......I recognize it really really easily now because I know the game.

Wow. You go from this (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=553628), to becoming her best friend all in less than 24 days??!

You are being used.

As to your original question, sure you have a right to be worried. Does that mean that worry is justified? I don't think so. A lot of people whine and sulk if they don't get attention (hell, I've done it). Does that mean they will be rapists? No.

Wow. You go from this (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=553628), to becoming her best friend all in less than 24 days??!

Thank you for finding that. Now I know more, and I'm even more reinforced in my original position. Wilgrove, run. Run like your life depends on it.

Wow. You go from this (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=553628), to becoming her best friend all in less than 24 days??!

You are being used.

As to your original question, sure you have a right to be worried. Does that mean that worry is justified? I don't think so. A lot of people whine and sulk if they don't get attention (hell, I've done it). Does that mean they will be rapists? No.

Wilgrove you are such a sucker if you fall for this shit.

Wow. You go from this (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=553628), to becoming her best friend all in less than 24 days??!

You are being used.

I was wondering about this. I have to seriously wonder how he got to be such an expert on their relationship in the space of three weeks.

I wonder what this friend would think if she knew her personal life was being broadcast on the Net for all to see.

Anonymity isn't always enough to soothe.

Quite shittily I imagine. I have had the same thing done to me. We still talk, and even though it was quite a few years ago, it still makes me angry and very untrusting.

most males tend to tell girls things like:
"I'll die if you leave me"

however, alot of males in america tend to say things like:
"SOMEONE will die if you ever leave me

:D

Thank you for finding that.

Happy to be of service.:D

Perhaps the boyfriend suffers from dyslexia. "No!" means "On!"

Bad jokes aside, stay out of her fucking business. For your own good.

Wow. You go from this (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=553628), to becoming her best friend all in less than 24 days??!

. . .

You're getting a pretty unanimous response here, Wilgrove.

Take heed.

Indeed Wilgrove. I think the NSG community is united on this issue (MY HEART!:D). Stay away from this girl Wilgrove, it's for the best.

I call bull****. As far as I can tell, you are not trained to compartmentalize your life, and can't simply do it on a whim. You may think that you've set them to the side, but they're dominating you, otherwise you'd be smart and be running like all of us tell you to.

So, I'd be smart to follow the advice of other people, instead of making my own choices...strange custom.

Ask yourself this: Would you be acting in the EXACT SAME way if this friend were a dude?

Eh personally I'd tell him to man up.

And there is the problem.


Im not trying to be a dick in what Im about to say, but I can say with 90% certiantity that the reason she is coming to you for all this is because she knows you still have feelings for her, and that makes you easier to manipulate.

And, I think the reason you are reacting like you are, is because in your eyes, still having feelings for her, it must be that she is being mistreated, and that is where this concern for rape is coming from. Also, even if its on a subconscience level, you see it as advantagous for you for them to break up, and to paint her current boyfriend as a bad person.


This is all normal human reactions. Im not insulting you. Itd be stranger if this is how you werent acting.

*shrugs* I never did claim I was being unbiased.

Why is she your ex? Don't just smooth over and say "it didn't work out". Think about it. She is the same person she was then, only now she figures she has a fair amount of control over you. Listen I spent a long time being a bad person I totally know what she is doing......I recognize it really really easily now because I know the game.

I'm still questioning that. The story for the longest time was that she fell out of love with me, broke up with me to go out with someone else (not her current bf) and this all happened right before prom. Of course now I'm hearing that her cousin (She was living with her aunt and uncle at the time) told her lies, she believed them, and broke up with me over that.

I'm still not believing the first verison completely and I am in the process of trying to contact the cousin.

Wow. You go from this (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=553628), to becoming her best friend all in less than 24 days??!

You are being used.

As to your original question, sure you have a right to be worried. Does that mean that worry is justified? I don't think so. A lot of people whine and sulk if they don't get attention (hell, I've done it). Does that mean they will be rapists? No.

Ok, you know what guys, I do have free will. Everything we've done together, the events that has happened, my involvement, etc. has been purely consensual. I choose to be friends with her, I choose to be in the middle of all of this, I choose to still have feelings for her, and I choose to question her about the past, about now, about everything. I have asked some very hard questions, and I'm sorry I just don't see how I'm being manipulated.

Thank you for finding that. Now I know more, and I'm even more reinforced in my original position. Wilgrove, run. Run like your life depends on it.

Wilgrove you are such a sucker if you fall for this shit.

Then I guess I am a sucker.

I'm sorry I just don't see how I'm being manipulated.
If you could easily see you were being manipulated, then you wouldn't be in this situation. I can see from the outside that things are not headed in a direction you want to head. She doesn't sound like the type of person you should have any relationship with, friend or otherwise, she sounds like a user. She contacts you out of the blue, after previously being a bitch and whines to you and tries to get you to feel sorry for her, all the while making sure you know exactly what it is she needs you to do (ie give her money or a place to stay......I'm guessing if you offer to let her stay with you, she'd rather just have the money) and she knows you obviously have some sort of feelings for her, so she'll exploit that as long as she can.

SNIP

Again I have to ask, what are you getting out of this thread? You seem to just be looking to have your already preformed opinions validated and nothing else

Everything we've done together, the events that has happened, my involvement, etc. has been purely consensual.

:p Slip?

Yes, I'm easily amused! :D

Ok, you know what guys, I do have free will. Everything we've done together, the events that has happened, my involvement, etc. has been purely consensual. I choose to be friends with her, I choose to be in the middle of all of this, I choose to still have feelings for her, and I choose to question her about the past, about now, about everything. I have asked some very hard questions, and I'm sorry I just don't see how I'm being manipulated.

If you saw it it wouldn't be manipulated much....

I mean really, This girl who you were apparently "so over" has now become your "best friend" in the space of THREE WEEKS, you have suddenly gained such incredible insight into her relationship (which overwhelmingly favors her) to the point that you fear her current boyfriend might turn into a rapist, and when told that you might want to try viewing things more objectively and rationally, you basically say you're not going to listen to any advice.

So why the hell are you here? What did you hope to accomplish here? Not for nothing, but to be perfectly honest here, all I'm getting out of this thread is that all three of you involved need to grow up and learn how to have adult relationships.

If you could easily see you were being manipulated, then you wouldn't be in this situation. I can see from the outside that things are not headed in a direction you want to head. She doesn't sound like the type of person you should have any relationship with, friend or otherwise, she sounds like a user. She contacts you out of the blue, after previously being a bitch and whines to you and tries to get you to feel sorry for her, all the while making sure you know exactly what it is she needs you to do (ie give her money or a place to stay......I'm guessing if you offer to let her stay with you, she'd rather just have the money) and she knows you obviously have some sort of feelings for her, so she'll exploit that as long as she can.

Actually, I haven't gotten any of that. So far she has paid for lunch one time, and I paid for supper one time (which of course she repaid me in full), I have offered her a place to live (and so has one of my other friend), and she turned both of us down. Don't know why, but whatever. I am skeptical about that though, and the fact that I offered to help her look for a new place, but once again she says "no money". So, no she hasn't taken any money without repaying or anything else.

I am not being a complete idiot about this, I do have some questions and I am finding the situation questionable myself, but I dunno, I ask her alot of questions and while one or two I'm unsure about, others I feel fine about.

So why the hell are you here? What did you hope to accomplish here? I think so we we would all jump on the paranoia bandwagon and say the bf is a "would-be rapist" and he would be a knight in shining armor.

Funny how things work out.

Ok, you know what guys, I do have free will. Everything we've done together, the events that has happened, my involvement, etc. has been purely consensual. I choose to be friends with her, I choose to be in the middle of all of this, I choose to still have feelings for her, and I choose to question her about the past, about now, about everything. I have asked some very hard questions, and I'm sorry I just don't see how I'm being manipulated.

First off, let me say, you ARE entitled to make your own choices and yes, you do have freewill. After that, I no longer agree with your statement, and let me explain something to you.

When a girl acts like a manipulative bitch, she does it when she believes that the boy on the line is gullible enough to buy that tripe. Girls like this are perceptive and know how to twist the truth so it's still the truth while adding an element of drama to pluck the heart strings. This is how she tweaks it so you WANT to feel that emotion again for her and WANT to be in the middle.

You're being manipulated because this girl already has a boyfriend and possibly had a fight with him and wants to make him jealous. She possibly twisted her story so she could win your sympathy and start an emotional affair.

I checked out an earlier post in which you gripe about this girl and it sounded like you had some massively pent up resentment toward her. This is a complete 180. Especially in such a short period. This is why it seems that NSG is telling you to put on the brakes.

About those questions you asked, you may have asked them and she may have answered, but do you feel she is being honest and not just feeding you answers? She could easily fake sincerity.

First off, let me say, you ARE entitled to make your own choices and yes, you do have freewill. After that, I no longer agree with your statement, and let me explain something to you.

When a girl acts like a manipulative bitch, she does it when she believes that the boy on the line is gullible enough to buy that tripe. Girls like this are perceptive and know how to twist the truth so it's still the truth while adding an element of drama to pluck the heart strings. This is how she tweaks it so you WANT to feel that emotion again for her and WANT to be in the middle.

You're being manipulated because this girl already has a boyfriend and possibly had a fight with him and wants to make him jealous. She possibly twisted her story so she could win your sympathy and start an emotional affair.

I checked out an earlier post in which you gripe about this girl and it sounded like you had some massively pent up resentment toward her. This is a complete 180. Especially in such a short period. This is why it seems that NSG is telling you to put on the brakes.

About those questions you asked, you may have asked them and she may have answered, but do you feel she is being honest and not just feeding you answers? She could easily fake sincerity.

Now while I don't think she is manipulative, I will agree that I need to pull my feelings in before they get too out of control. I will take a step back for awhile to make sure I am seeing things clearly, and distant myself alittle. I won't stop talking to her completely, but yea, brakes do need to be applied.

So, I'd be smart to follow the advice of other people, instead of making my own choices...strange custom..

Ok, you know what guys, I do have free will. Everything we've done together, the events that has happened, my involvement, etc. has been purely consensual. I choose to be friends with her, I choose to be in the middle of all of this, I choose to still have feelings for her, and I choose to question her about the past, about now, about everything. I have asked some very hard questions, and I'm sorry I just don't see how I'm being manipulated.


Not sound like a total dick, but get a fucking blog. You've posted this asking for other people's opinions and advice on your situation, but instead of even considering it you're going to remain thick-headed and do exactly what you decided to do before you ever posted this. If you're not interested in what people here have to say, then you shouldn't have posted it.

From the perspective of this other guy: I'd get whiny and sulk too if I wanted my girlfriend to show me affection around her ex-boyfriend and she wouldn't. From where he's standing, he has every right to question why his girlfriend has just recently decided to look up and hang out with an old ex, and he has every right to get upset when she won't pay him any attention when you're around. He's probably very much threatened by your presence there.

She's manipulating the both of you. She's using you to make him feel bad.

So, tonight I checked my MySpace account, yay boredom, and who should contact me but an ex that I left on very bad terms with in High School. See what happened in the year of 2001-2002, I was dating this girl, and it was my senior year of High School. Well long version short, I paid $200 for both of us to go to the prom, which included a $100 dress for her, she backed out at the last minute because I found out later she cheated on me. She never refunded that money and kept the dress. Ever since then, we've gone our separate ways, once or twice she'd contact me for money and I'd smile and slam the door in her face and then I tell her I'm calling the cops.

Slam the door in her face...

...fast!

Nothing in this thread in any way makes up for the amount of bullshit you had to endure from her. She cheated on you before, what makes you think she won't try cheating on this guy?

Now while I don't think she is manipulative, I will agree that I need to pull my feelings in before they get too out of control. I will take a step back for awhile to make sure I am seeing things clearly, and distant myself alittle. I won't stop talking to her completely, but yea, brakes do need to be applied.

Make sure the pads are in good working order. Don't want any avoidable accidents.

So, I'd be smart to follow the advice of other people, instead of making my own choices...strange custom.

You posted a thread asking for advice. Everyone on here seems to agree. You don't like it, fine. But this really isn't the place for you to vent about your life just for the sake of venting.

Seriously, and I have never said this before, but get a blog. The constant whining and ranting a la 14 year old is wearing thin.

hold the fish.

No offence to you or anything, but personally I just wouldn't be able to do that.

well its a good thing your not shagging me then because it would be dull

If I'm gonna do 'stuff' with a girl then she's got to want to, I don't mind encouraging her but whining and such I just couldn't do. I wouldn't be able to enjoy the experience at all knowing that she doesn't really want to, I'd feel like shit.

what makes you think she doesn't want to and in fact we aren't both just having fun? oh wait this is the Internet how silly of me:rolleyes:

That's a technique a lot of guys use to get sex: guilt. And that's just fucked up.

no they don't

Indeed Wilgrove. I think the NSG community is united on this issue (MY HEART!:D).

its a total eclipse of the heart! (http://youtube.com/watch?v=55nTwg5NIPM)

Man, I live for guys like Wilgrove. Seriously. The "friend" who you can always run to, that you know would be your cuddle bitch? All while you're looking for the next guy you want to date?

From someone who has played that game before, you're just the sort of guy to go to in these situations. If you want to ignore that, fine. But the fact that you're hearing all the bad parts of the relationship story? Says to me that she wants you to be there to catch her if she falls... or at least give her something to bounce off of as she goes to the next relationship.

Even if she breaks up with him and ends up with you, it'll just be a rebound and will probably end VERY ugly.

Yeah, I've admitted to doing some shady stuff in one short entry. But I'm trying to reform (and so far have), and it makes it easier to see when other girls are pulling BS.