NationStates Jolt Archive

It's a simple enough questions, do people actually change their behavior and actions permanently or is it more of a temporary change? I think that as people get older, it's harder for them to change their ways, and also people has to WANT to change. I've noticed that when people pretty much reach the age of 29 to 30, they're set in their ways. I also wonder if a husband and wife would really change, even if it means that if they don't change, it'll end in Divorce. I mean if a guy is controlling and possessive of his wife, his wife tells him to knock it off or she'll get a divorce. Sure he may change in the short run, but will the change be permanent, or will he do it long enough to win brownie points and then after he wins enough, goes back to doing the same thing. Just some thoughts I've had on my mind tonight.

Well, when I was a baby, I used to shit in a nappy. I don't do that anymore. I changed

Based on the assumption that I am a person, then yes, people do change.

QED

EDIT: in response to your actual question, he is worried because he is male and he must love her alot... I don't think it requires drastic action, just for the two to talk to each other without becoming defensive...

Of course people can change. To see that go to a local meeting of your favorite 12-Step program and listen to the 'old timers' there talk about what it was like and what it is like now. You'll see a lot of fundamental changes can happen.

As to whether or not any of them are 'permanent' - well, you'll have to wait until someone dies to determine that.

It's a simple enough questions, do people actually change their behavior and actions permanently or is it more of a temporary change? I think that as people get older, it's harder for them to change their ways, and also people has to WANT to change. I've noticed that when people pretty much reach the age of 29 to 30, they're set in their ways. I also wonder if a husband and wife would really change, even if it means that if they don't change, it'll end in Divorce. I mean if a guy is controlling and possessive of his wife, his wife tells him to knock it off or she'll get a divorce. Sure he may change in the short run, but will the change be permanent, or will he do it long enough to win brownie points and then after he wins enough, goes back to doing the same thing. Just some thoughts I've had on my mind tonight.

My dad and uncle both quit drinking and changed their lifestyles around that fact. Both were over 30 at the time (though my uncle quit about 12 years after my dad did). I would say that such is a fairly significant change in behavior.

People change. It may take a more drastic event to kick them into action, but it does happen.

People do inevitably change, but you can't depend on what direction they change in; especially not if they don't make a conscious effort to change in some direction.
Expecting people to stay the same, or expecting them to change in the way you want, is a recipe for disappointment.

I firmly believe that people are constantly changing from day to day. To remain constant is to ignore being alive, to ignore new experience. Change can be subtle or drastic. People grow apart due to the fact no-one ever stays the same. If the desire to change is there and strong enough, people can change in big ways.

Now, if I say change one more time, I might as well be running for US president.

Yes and no.

People's underlying personalities do become relatively fixed in early adulthood and tends to be a result of underlying genetic pre-disposition and learning environment. Any modification of it will tend to take a long time and tends to either exargerated or attenuate pre-existing traits rather than completly modifying them.

Personality traits tend to be very broad and are only indirectly related to behaviour. Experience and the social/physical environment the person find themselves in will have considerable influence and both will interact to determine behaviour.

So underlying personality, essentially who a person is won't change, but their behaviours, what they do, can.

They can if they want to, and age is no bar to it.

It's a simple enough questions, do people actually change their behavior and actions permanently or is it more of a temporary change?
People actually change their behavior and actions permanently, it is usually a gradual change. Not all though (people, behavior and actions in any combination).

They can and they do.
People learn new things every single day, and every single bit of information will affect their behaviour and character. Yes, general character traits are genetically pre-programmed, but that doesn't mean that they will remain the same throughout adult life. Character traits are amazingly flexible, and most people can apply them according to the demands of any given situation (patience when around old people, pushy-ness when making a complaint about bad service, shyness around strangers and exuberance with friends...)

Nobody is a slave to their genetic program when it comes to behaviour and character. To use that as an excuse is frankly ludicrous.

Change usually comes gradually, often people don't even notice that they've changed over the years. Of course there are also people that transform overnight, complete with new attitudes, lifestyles and cultural tastes, but that has probably more to do with being mentally unstable.

Change usually comes gradually, often people don't even notice that they've changed over the years. Of course there are also people that transform overnight, complete with new attitudes, lifestyles and cultural tastes, but that has probably more to do with being mentally unstable.

Or a conscious choice stemming from them not liking who they are. A person can choose to change and then do it.

It's hard, but doable.

Nobody is a slave to their genetic program when it comes to behaviour and character. To use that as an excuse is frankly ludicrous.

Hey Cabra,

Now while I don't nesciarly disagree with this, I belive that there are some things you just can't change.

everyone is in a constant state of change.

unfortunately we cannot particularly decide how we are going to change. we can sometimes change a bad habit but that is the minor amount of our changes.

A lot of things change, some things stay the same. Almost no one is the person they were when they were younger, but most will resemble them.

Or a conscious choice stemming from them not liking who they are. A person can choose to change and then do it.

It's hard, but doable.
True, but I was thinking of those people who try to fit in with a given social group and change completely when they think that a totally different group fits them better. You know, like a snake shedding skin. In my opinion those people simply lack personality.

Hey Cabra,

Now while I don't nesciarly disagree with this, I belive that there are some things you just can't change.

True. Most certainly.
But you can change how you deal with them... ;)

...what you have always done you will always get what you've always got

Your point being?

Character traits are amazingly flexible, and most people can apply them according to the demands of any given situation (patience when around old people, pushy-ness when making a complaint about bad service, shyness around strangers and exuberance with friends...)

Nobody is a slave to their genetic program when it comes to behaviour and character. To use that as an excuse is frankly ludicrous.

I'd say to a point. How people behave in different situations, like the examples you gave, will of course change. In fact it is part of the definition of a Personality Disorder to be inflexible in how you react in different circumstances.

Also personality and characteristics are not just genetic, they are formed through childhood and into early adulthood due to an interaction between your genetics and the environment. However, research evidence has shown that personality traits, your underlying behavioural pre-dispositions, tend to solidify into adulthood, making them a lot slower and more difficult to change (but not entierly impossible). Of course, how you handle them and how you manifest them can change. Personality/character does not dictate behaviour, it is merely one influence on it.

... yes?

Yes and no.

People's underlying personalities do become relatively fixed in early adulthood and tends to be a result of underlying genetic pre-disposition and learning environment. Any modification of it will tend to take a long time and tends to either exargerated or attenuate pre-existing traits rather than completly modifying them.

Personality traits tend to be very broad and are only indirectly related to behaviour. Experience and the social/physical environment the person find themselves in will have considerable influence and both will interact to determine behaviour.

So underlying personality, essentially who a person is won't change, but their behaviours, what they do, can.


I'm deferring to you, since, if memory serves, you're a phD psychology student. At the same university as me, I believe. Bloody cold up here no?

I'm deferring to you, since, if memory serves, you're a phD psychology student. At the same university as me, I believe. Bloody cold up here no?

What you talking about? It's a lovely day today (as long as I keep my nice wollen coat on). You can tell spring is here, there are lots of little balls of fluff with beaks around campus (although not as many as last year, I think the cold easter got a lot of them). Of course it'll probably be freezing again tomorrow.

Well, when I was a baby, I used to shit in a nappy. I don't do that anymore. I changed
Good point...
Based on the assumption that I am a person, then yes, people do change.
And now you just ruined it... :p

you can change your actions and sometimes your thoughts but hardly ever your basic nature. If you are by nature a jealous person you always will be, you can try to recondition yourself to have less jealous thoughts and you can absolutely quit inappropriate actions, but at your base you will always be a jealous person, and it's something you will have to fight with daily.

Likewise, I will always be a drug addict, I can go for months without wanting drugs, and years without doing them, but it's always a struggle. It always will be.

I find myself becoming more willing to change as I get older. My healthiest habits (hiking and yoga) I picked up at age 35. I am more willing to listen to others and respect their perspectives. As a result, I have moderated my stances on many issues and have seen that tact, consideration and kindness are more important than being right, being liked and being contrary for its own sake.

I like most of the ways in which I've changed as I've aged, and I look forward to more of them. Variety is truly the spice of life (despite being itself a cliche).

you can change your actions and sometimes your thoughts but hardly ever your basic nature. If you are by nature a jealous person you always will be, you can try to recondition yourself to have less jealous thoughts and you can absolutely quit inappropriate actions, but at your base you will always be a jealous person, and it's something you will have to fight with daily.

Likewise, I will always be a drug addict, I can go for months without wanting drugs, and years without doing them, but it's always a struggle. It always will be.

Spoken with great, and apparently dearly-purchased, wisdom. May you always come out on the good side of that struggle, Smunk.

I find myself becoming more willing to change as I get older. My healthiest habits (hiking and yoga) I picked up at age 35. I am more willing to listen to others and respect their perspectives. As a result, I have moderated my stances on many issues and have seen that tact, consideration and kindness are more important than being right, being liked and being contrary for its own sake.

I like most of the ways in which I've changed as I've aged, and I look forward to more of them. Variety is truly the spice of life (despite being itself a cliche).

I think it might be a generational thing. I mean that everyone in the same society changes pretty much at the same time, in a general way.

Which means your actual flaws/qualities may well be "everyone's" flaws/qualities.

I think it might be a generational thing. I mean that everyone in the same society changes pretty much at the same time, in a general way.

Which means your actual flaws/qualities may well be "everyone's" flaws/qualities.

Sorry -- I'm not sure I understand what you've said. If I read this right, you're saying that whole cohorts of individuals undergo similar changes. Is that right?

Sorry -- I'm not sure I understand what you've said. If I read this right, you're saying that whole cohorts of individuals undergo similar changes. Is that right?

Yup. In a general way' which means while every one won't be the same, there will be strong tendencies (such as racism, egocentrism, but also concerns for health, etc).

It's a simple enough questions, do people actually change their behavior and actions permanently or is it more of a temporary change? I think that as people get older, it's harder for them to change their ways, and also people has to WANT to change. I've noticed that when people pretty much reach the age of 29 to 30, they're set in their ways. I also wonder if a husband and wife would really change, even if it means that if they don't change, it'll end in Divorce. I mean if a guy is controlling and possessive of his wife, his wife tells him to knock it off or she'll get a divorce. Sure he may change in the short run, but will the change be permanent, or will he do it long enough to win brownie points and then after he wins enough, goes back to doing the same thing. Just some thoughts I've had on my mind tonight.

It's been documented that serial killers and rapists and other habitual violent criminals (provided they live long enough) do "age out" of their behaviors.

This doesn't mean that possessive husbands (wives), cheating husbands(wives), lazy husbands (wives) - are going to change. In fact, as they get older things may get worse.

It's been documented that serial killers and rapists and other habitual violent criminals (provided they live long enough) do "age out" of their behaviors.


To a point. There is certainly a decrease in offending behaviour as people get older. This is due to a mix of factors. One is a decline in physical abilities which will make people less likely to act violently, although they may use other forms of aggression (social aggression becomes significantly more prominent in old age). Another issue is a decline in the hormone levels which tend to be associated with aggression in young men (which is where the peak of aggressive behaviour lies). Another is simply long sentences + low offence base rates mean they don't get a chance to reoffend before they die.

What you talking about? It's a lovely day today (as long as I keep my nice wollen coat on). You can tell spring is here, there are lots of little balls of fluff with beaks around campus (although not as many as last year, I think the cold easter got a lot of them). Of course it'll probably be freezing again tomorrow.

It bloody was cold when I went to the library.

Is it ever actually sunny wand warm?

It bloody was cold when I went to the library.

Is it ever actually sunny wand warm?

I think for about a week in June? :D

Nah, it generally gets better into May but it'll always be a couple of degree colder than down south.

I think for about a week in June? :D

Nah, it generally gets better into May but it'll always be a couple of degree colder than down south.

Not fair. I actually packed shorts this term as well.

Everything changes.

Every external stimuli changes a person. The question would be can things noticebaly change a persons personality. I say yes.

Everything must change (http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=NkSbDcR3I58&feature=related).

(NOT a RickRoll, I swear. It's Oleta Adams.)

Depends on what they really really want/don't want, and how much.

I don´t think people change.

Well, the only way a person can change would be, in my opinion, if said person went through a life-changing experience that prompted a change. Otherwise, people do not change.

Everything changes.

*watches Ruffy break into song, dance, wig and garb*

True. Most certainly.
But you can change how you deal with them... ;)

Ohh that is certianly true.

I remember Neo Brettonia, on this very forum, changing his opinion about abortion. Which I thought was quite impressive.

To a point. There is certainly a decrease in offending behaviour as people get older. This is due to a mix of factors. One is a decline in physical abilities which will make people less likely to act violently, although they may use other forms of aggression (social aggression becomes significantly more prominent in old age). Another issue is a decline in the hormone levels which tend to be associated with aggression in young men (which is where the peak of aggressive behaviour lies). Another is simply long sentences + low offence base rates mean they don't get a chance to reoffend before they die.

A friend of mine works in probation. My interpretation of what he says is that generally most young offenders will stop committing crimes around their early twenties, apart from a small percentage. For that small percentage most, but not all, are involved in drug related crime. By the age of forty, even those persistent offenders start to sort themselves out. Beyond the age of forty five, those who carry on offending will do so for the rest of their lives ( generally sex offenders, and other assorted sociopaths).

people are constantly chainging all the time, whether they realize or intend it or not. the problem is, in a culture that virtually mandatest self deception, defacto makes it almost completely a prerequisite to survival, the one chainge no one CAN be reasonably expected to make, is to stop deceiving themselves.

this doesn't stop me from beating my head against their refusal to stop doing so.

that is because of the harm i see this as causing. harm that is both serious, and completely unneccessary. perpetuated only because it serves very narrow intrests, those not well, and no one else's at all.

=^^=
.../\...

Yes.

Or else we may as well all be dead.

Resting in peace.

Whoever says "I couldn't change them" just failed to change another. And whoever says "I just can't change" is wishing for death.

I changed. First I was a weedy weak slightly strange crybaby.

Now I'm a weedy weak Slightly psychotic person plotting world domination.

I think they do, regularly. Unconciously people are influenced by friends, family or even work colleagues in their behaviour. Humans are naturally social beings, and inclined to be influenced in their behaviour by people they know. Changes in friendship groups, people you work with, or general societal attitudes can shape who we are. At the risk of sounding pretentious, I strongly believe our identities are in an almost constant state of flux. On a more conscious level, if people don't like themselves, it is quite possible with sufficient drive and focus to be successful in changing qualities about yourself you do not like.

To give a personal example: I used to be an angry and thoroughly unpleasant person to be around. I wasn't happy with that so searched deep to find the issues that were the root of why I was behaving this way, and have begun to redress those issues them while trying to retrain my behaviour out of old habits. It doesn't always work, and I still have my bad moments, but I think I'm a much better person now.

Well, when I was a baby, I used to shit in a nappy. I don't do that anymore. I changed

Based on the assumption that I am a person, then yes, people do change.



And then you get old and go back to shitting in a diaper again.....

I remember Neo Brettonia, on this very forum, changing his opinion about abortion. Which I thought was quite impressive.

I can still raise eyebrows with that one, too. Just this last weekend a couple buddies and I were on our way back from a Games Workshop Battle Bunker and the topic came up so I told them where I am on that. Other than road noise, you could have heard a pin drop.

Many of our behaviors are habit. When I lived at home with my parents, I was a slob. My room was a disaster, and I tended to leave my belongings scattered over three floors.

When I moved, I got into the habit of picking up as soon as I am finished with something. If I get a call saying, "Hey, we're in the neighborhood, can we stop in?" I can set the place to rights in five minutes or less.

I've been getting up to go to work at 6am for fifteen years. During the week, I WILL wake up at 5:57 during the workweek -- before the alarm. Weekends, I am up by 7 without the alarm and regardless of how late I was up the previous night. Sure, I can roll over and go back to sleep -- but I am awake at those times.

Some behaviors -- addictions, and emotional problems -- require outside assistance to change, but I firmly believe that if a person chooses to work at it, they can.

It's a simple enough questions, do people actually change their behavior and actions permanently or is it more of a temporary change? I think that as people get older, it's harder for them to change their ways, and also people has to WANT to change. I've noticed that when people pretty much reach the age of 29 to 30, they're set in their ways. I also wonder if a husband and wife would really change, even if it means that if they don't change, it'll end in Divorce. I mean if a guy is controlling and possessive of his wife, his wife tells him to knock it off or she'll get a divorce. Sure he may change in the short run, but will the change be permanent, or will he do it long enough to win brownie points and then after he wins enough, goes back to doing the same thing. Just some thoughts I've had on my mind tonight.

I've seen people change in amazing ways, and I went through more than one change myself. As I am well above 30 now - *sigh* - I can assure you it has precious little to do with age.
However, external motivation in the form of a wife telling her husband that if he doesn't change, she'll get a divorce is very unlikely to trigger any sort of long-term change.
People change with the experiences they make in life, a simple threat isn't quite enough. Also, change is a gradual process, and needs constant re-enfrocement by experience to become permanent.

"A leopard doesn't change its spots." is a cliche' that's about as untrue as they come. Change can come to a person who desires change.

That's the reason why significant life events can cause change. They can influence the desires of a person and if change is what they want, then they'll change.

Yes. This has been an episode of short answers to simple questions.