NationStates Jolt Archive

So I think I have hemorrhoids! What do I do?

I was with meth addicted friend who kind of slept around a lot and well a few days after I slept with him my butt starts feeling funny and I'm shitting blood. I think he gave me hemorrhoids!? What do I do!?

Whoops, sorry. I thought you were asking for help FROM hemorrhoids. Disappointing.

So I think I have hemorrhoids! What do I do?

I was with meth addicted friend who kind of slept around a lot and well a few days after I slept with him my butt starts feeling funny and I'm shitting blood. I think he gave me hemorrhoids!? What do I do!?

I'm afraid a barrel roll is the only thing you CAN do. If you go to a good doctor, I'd advise you ask him to charge his laz0r, so when you arrive, he can immediately fire it and vapourize the 'roids.

get "preparation H"

it works.

take aspirin.

avoid anal sex in the future.

Ah, hemorrhoids. Nature's most persistent, most unstoppably contagious STD. You'd better just give up - science will never find a cure, I'm afraid. :p

So I think I have hemorrhoids! What do I do?

I was with meth addicted friend who kind of slept around a lot and well a few days after I slept with him my butt starts feeling funny and I'm shitting blood. I think he gave me hemorrhoids!? What do I do!?

Nobody can give you hemorrhoids unless you had anal sex. You need to see a doctor to determine if you have hemorrhoids or the bleeding is caused by other problems such an intestinal cancer.

Oh dear, probably should have asked him to get an STI check before you slept together.

So I think I have hemorrhoids! What do I do?

I was with meth addicted friend who kind of slept around a lot and well a few days after I slept with him my butt starts feeling funny and I'm shitting blood. I think he gave me hemorrhoids!? What do I do!?

Whatever you do, don't go to the doctor. Try sticking vitamin C pills in your butt. Vitamin C can cure anything. If you prefer to get your vitamins naturally, try lemon juice enemas. *nod*

WHAT!? I might have cancer! Isn't that like deadly?

Oh yeah.....I never thought about that. He definitely should have had a VD test before he slept with me. I mean, if I'd have known he had something like hemorroids before I slept with him I'm not sure I would've.

WHAT!? I might have cancer! Isn't that like deadly?

nah. its highly curable.

you just have to spend the rest of your life shitting into a bag.

So I think I have hemorrhoids! What do I do?

I was with meth addicted friend who kind of slept around a lot and well a few days after I slept with him my butt starts feeling funny and I'm shitting blood. I think he gave me hemorrhoids!? What do I do!?

Steal his meth.

Oh yeah.....I never thought about that. He definitely should have had a VD test before he slept with me. I mean, if I'd have known he had something like hemorroids before I slept with him I'm not sure I would've.

you could have looked.

Steal his meth.

Does that cure hemmeroids?

Y'know, it isn't the brightest idea ever to sleep with someone who you know sleeps around AND does meth....

nah. its highly curable.

you just have to spend the rest of your life shitting into a bag.

it's really not much effort though, you just have to change the bag a few times a day, you can live a fully normal life. true story.

you should uh......get a mirror and look at it DFD, it's possibly not a hemorrhoid and might need a doctor to uh......treat it.

are you sure you aren't prolapsed or something?

I should have looked first.....I didn't think about it. You know, one of those heat of the moment things....

:(

Does that cure hemmeroids?

Yes, actually.

Inject the meth into your bottom, and the chemicals will clear you right up, DFD.

The thing to do is to have buttsecks with as many people as possible. One of them is bound to have anti-hemorrhoids.

Yes, actually.

Inject the meth into your bottom, and the chemicals will clear you right up, DFD.
Will that also get rid of a fat ass?

This thread is pleasing to TSI.

Does that cure hemmeroids?

If you place the meth in the anal cavity it might.

The thing to do is to have buttsecks with as many people as possible. One of them is bound to have anti-hemorrhoids.

Genius! :D

Will that also get rid of a fat ass?

Everyone knows that meth destroys fat. That's why meth addicts are so scrawny.

Nobody can give you hemorrhoids unless you had anal sex.

No one can give anyone haemorrhoids, full stop. Anal sex does not cause them.

Not that I am taking the OP seriously for a second, but if you are bleeding from the anus after an instance of unsafe anal sex you may have an STI. If you are bleeding only in conjunction with bowel movements, then it could be several different things. In any case, you should see a doctor.

Well.....that's one of the first things I did. I did look up my butt. I found these really wierd bleeding and oozing bumps that kind of looked like bubbles but were reddish in color. Are those hemmorroids?

Well.....that's one of the first things I did. I did look up my butt. I found these really wierd bleeding and oozing bumps that kind of looked like bubbles but were reddish in color. Are those hemmorroids?

Was that, "oozing"?
oozing
Oh, i guess so.

I don't think this is a good sign. I also think this thread smells strongly of doom and discharge.

Well.....that's one of the first things I did. I did look up my butt. I found these really wierd bleeding and oozing bumps that kind of looked like bubbles but were reddish in color. Are those hemmorroids?

probably, but you should see a doctor, it's really easy to get nasty infections in that area and over the counter meds won't fix that.

The doctor has already seen much more embarrassing things I promise. Just go and let them make sure you are okay.

No one can give anyone haemorrhoids, full stop. Anal sex does not cause them.

Not that I am taking the OP seriously for a second, but if you are bleeding from the anus after an instance of unsafe anal sex you may have an STI. If you are bleeding only in conjunction with bowel movements, then it could be several different things. In any case, you should see a doctor.

Doctors will laugh at him. He should try the lemon juice thing. *nod*

No one can give anyone haemorrhoids, full stop. Anal sex does not cause them.

And I was under the impression you were a medical student. How stupid of me.

The thing to do is to have buttsecks with as many people as possible. One of them is bound to have anti-hemorrhoids.
Sigworthy.

Oh, and one of them is also liable to have a pair of toenail clippers or some rubber bands (slightly more conventional)

You know, without pix, this isn't liable to be diagnosed well. Perhaps you can explain in lurid detail the sequence of events .. since you're not likely to be looked upon highly by moditself for posting pix.

Well.....that's one of the first things I did. I did look up my butt. I found these really wierd bleeding and oozing bumps that kind of looked like bubbles but were reddish in color. Are those hemmorroids?

No, it's cancer. :(

How stupid of me.

Your comment was most definitely. Haemorrhoids are not caused by anal sex. Unproperly performed anal sex can cause anal fissures, but those are not the same things as haemorrhoids at all.

Well do you think I have hemorroids? I mean, this problem did start like two to three days after I had sex with my friend. And it was really itchy at first and then it was kind of painful and I went to go to the bathroom, wiped and it's like, hey, blood. I thought I had to poop but all that came out was blood.

And I was under the impression you were a medical student. How stupid of me.

Fass has plenty of reasons to know what anal sex can or cannot do beyond simply his medical expertise. He's most definitely correct in this regard.

Your comment was most definitely. Haemorrhoids are not caused by anal sex. Unproperly performed anal sex can cause anal fissures, but those are not the same things as haemorrhoids at all.

Maybe Haemorrhoids but the Hemorrhoids the OP is complaining about can. :rolleyes:

Well do you think I have hemorroids? I mean, this problem did start like two to three days after I had sex with my friend. And it was really itchy at first and then it was kind of painful and I went to go to the bathroom, wiped and it's like, hey, blood. I thought I had to poop but all that came out was blood.

no i dont.

i think you need to go to the doctor as soon as you possibly can.

Doctors will laugh at him. He should try the lemon juice thing. *nod*
Her. And yes, there is no way putting slices of lemon up your butt can go badly.
And I was under the impression you were a medical student. How stupid of me.

Maybe Haemorrhoids but the Hemorrhoids the OP is complaining about can. :rolleyes:
And I was under the impression that you weren't a medical student. How stupid of me.
Sigworthy.

Doooooooooooooooooooooo it!

Maybe Haemorrhoids but the Hemorrhoids the OP is complaining about can. :rolleyes:

Whatever the OP is complaining about cannot with any degree of certainty be said to be or not be haemorrhoids. None whatsoever. The only way to proper diagnosis is examination. Regardless, even if his/her complaint were haemorrhoids, they would not be caused by anal sex, especially not since his complaint presented "a few days after [(s)he] slept with him". The anamnesis in the case would seem not to support a diagnosis of new haemorrhoids, though possibly an exacerbation of already pre-existent ones, seeing that the aetiology of haemorrhoids is not on that time scale.

Her. And yes, there is no way putting slices of lemon up your butt can go badly.
+
Doooooooooooooooooooooo it!8 friggin lines!
http://www.websmileys.com/sm/sad/014.gif

Maybe Haemorrhoids but the Hemorrhoids the OP is complaining about can. :rolleyes:

Please don't be anal about alternate spellings...

8 friggin lines!
http://www.websmileys.com/sm/sad/014.gif
8 lines of standard text. [size=1] FTW!
Please don't be anal about alternate spellings...

http://img179.imageshack.us/img179/2241/facepalm2ic7copyrl2.jpg

Please don't be anal about alternate spellings...

Seeing as the Latin name is "haemorrhoidae", "haemorrhoids" would not be an "alternate" spelling, but the standard one. "Hemorrhoids" would be the "alternate" spelling.

Seeing as the Latin name is "haemorrhoidae", "haemorrhoids" would not be an "alternate" spelling, but the standard one. "Hemorrhoids" would be the "alternate" spelling.
Right then.

Ifreann: I live to serve.

8 lines of standard text. [size=1] FTW!I'm already full! :(


http://img179.imageshack.us/img179/2241/facepalm2ic7copyrl2.jpg
Don't think that's the right end.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hemorrhoids/DS00096

should help

There may not be alot of thing I'll agree with Fass about...

Butt, I Totally Back him up on this.
you should see a doctor.
there are alot of conditions that cause bleeding there, and most of it can turn fatal if not treated.

I'm guessing you're from the UK or another part of europe, Fassitude.

I'm also guessing you're the only person taking this seriously.

Since you're taking it seriously, I'll take it seriously.

First, you mentioned that an existing condition may be exacerbated by anal sex. This is indeed true.

Second, if the condition was not pre-existing, then you are correct in that this does not appear to be a new onset of hemorrhoids (I'm in the US).

Without actually SEEING the "bumps" the OP referred to, we cannot be sure if they are NOT hemorrhoids or not, or perhaps a type of skin lesion that is a primary sign or possible secondary sign of an STD infection. Or it could be contact dermatitis or even an allergic reaction to latex (if a condom was used). Truth is, WE JUST DON'T KNOW FOR SURE.

Since many STD's are viral (Including Cervical Cancer), it behooves the original poster, in all seriousness, to go get checked by a physician. Seeking medical advice from an internet forum is like playing russian roulette with three bullets in the chambers.

Some folks might take it seriously, others might not, and some who are speaking truly in jest or in satire may be TAKEN seriously.

I know better than to give medical advice on an open forum for a patient I have not seen/treated personally. My recommendation will almost ALWAYS be (and definitely IS for the OP if the post was serious): Go see some poor guy who has spent 10 years of his life studying everything man knows about the human body and its myriads of malfunctions, microbial and otherwise, and pay him some money to look up there and make his best clinical guess (diagnosis). His guess will be better than ANY forum poster's most earnest recommendations. (Although probably not nearly as funny.)

If he chooses to test you, meaning actually scraping the festering pustules in your butt, and cultures them, and then looks at them under the microscope, if it's something he recognizes, he may have a definitive diagnosis for you (no longer a guess, but a pretty much almost foregone conclusion) from which he can possibly recommend a course of treatment.

The downside is that you may find out that hemorrhoids are the least of your worries.

Good luck.

GP

There may not be alot of thing I'll agree with Fass about...

Butt, I Totally Back him up on this.

there are alot of conditions that cause bleeding there, and most of it can turn fatal if not treated.

Surely the benefits of intestinal bacteria in the blood stream outweigh any potential risks. :p

So I think I have hemorrhoids! What do I do?

I was with meth addicted friend who kind of slept around a lot and well a few days after I slept with him my butt starts feeling funny and I'm shitting blood. I think he gave me hemorrhoids!? What do I do!?

See a doctor. See a doctor. See a doctor. See a doctor. See a doctor. See a doctor.

Doctors will laugh at him. He should try the lemon juice thing. *nod*

Doctors will always laugh at you if you go see them without first trying Vitamin C.
Dentists too.

I'm already full! :(
You have 5 lines! WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?!
Doctors will always laugh at you if you go see them without first trying Vitamin C.
Dentists too.

And plumbers.

Surely the benefits of intestinal bacteria in the blood stream outweigh any potential risks. :p

sure, if he wants a slow, painful death... :p

I have diverticulitis... when it got infected, it was not fun. :(

tho the three weeks of eating [fruit]sause and "baby food" was... a unique experience...
:p

Also, make sure you put the 'a' in haemorrhoids.




Pedant alert!

You have 5 lines! WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?!

There's more to it than that. It says i can't do it. :(

Try leeches. Leeches cure everything.

There's more to it than that. It says i can't do it. :(

I think it's also the total number of characters...

There's more to it than that. It says i can't do it. :(

CURSE YOU CHARACTER LIMITS!
CURSE YOU!

CURSE YOU CHARACTER LIMITS!
CURSE YOU!

I think that's why Ruffy keeps trying to get me on that other thing, so i can have an entire page devoted to awesome sigs. Least, i think that's his intent.

I think it's also the total number of characters...
That's it *nods emphatically*

My list of things people should never tell other people, especially on the internet just got longer......

You have 5 lines! WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?!
What did YOU give HIM?! :eek:

Please don't be anal about alternate spellings...

:) Cute. I checked the dictionary and the one I used shows different definitions not alternate spellings. Perhaps the dictionary is wrong? www.dictionaries.com

:) Cute. I checked the dictionary and the one I used shows different definitions not alternate spellings. Perhaps the dictionary is wrong? www.dictionaries.com

Sorry? Dictionaries generally show both alternate meanings and alternate spellings. That is sort of the point of a dictionary, perhaps you have misunderstood dictionaries themselves. In fact, there are some words that appear in the same dictionary hundreds of times, only each time they're spelled and pronounced differently and mean different things.

Most dictionaries will show you that there is an alternate spelling of 'haemorrhoids' - namely the americanised spelling that misses out the latin relic 'a', just like how the Brits write foetus, and the Americans write fetus.

Your link to dictionaries dot com, is that meant to be an attempt at sarcasm? Try better next time.

What did YOU give HIM?! :eek:What a strangely appropriate question, given the nature of this thread.
<.<
>.>

http://images.jupiterimages.com/common/detail/45/04/23110445.jpg

Well.....that's one of the first things I did. I did look up my butt.
Did you get wedged?

My list of things people should never tell other people, especially on the internet just got longer......

As if you didn't know not to do this already?

Anyway, to the OP - the only thing you can do is go to the doctors. I've never had a hemmorrhoid (and I never will), so I'm not sure of what to do besides that. Let this be a lesson - sex may be the greatest thing save love, but it's better to be a virgin for the night than to get a "partner" for life.

You really need to go see a doctor. Rectal bleeding is no laughing matter.

On a side note, this whole thread is really crappy.

As if you didn't know not to do this already?

Anyway, to the OP - the only thing you can do is go to the doctors. I've never had a hemmorrhoid (and I never will), so I'm not sure of what to do besides that. Let this be a lesson - sex may be the greatest thing save love, but it's better to be a virgin for the night than to get a "partner" for life.

Did you have your anus removed? Because that's the only way I can understand that you say "I will never have hemmorrhoid". Either that, or you don't know where they come from.

Did you have your anus removed? Because that's the only way I can understand that you say "I will never have hemmorrhoid". Either that, or you don't know where they come from.

Preventative Health (or something along those lines). I won't have anal sex (since I'm not gay and/or kinky) for one thing. Also, the other things that cause hemorrhoids I will just avoid (constipation can be avoided by eating the right foods, etc.)

Preventative Health (or something along those lines). I won't have anal sex (since I'm not gay and/or kinky) for one thing. Also, the other things that cause hemorrhoids I will just avoid (constipation can be avoided by eating the right foods, etc.)

I still think you're using the word "never" in a naive way.

I won't have anal sex (since I'm not gay and/or kinky) for one thing.

Seeing as haemorrhoids aren't caused by anal sex, that is a very derisory "prevention".

Seeing as haemorrhoids aren't caused by anal sex, that is a very derisory protection.

It can be caused by anal sex performed incorrectly.

Seeing as haemorrhoids aren't caused by anal sex, that is a very derisory "prevention".

HAEMORRHOIDS

What are haemorrhoids?

The term haemorrhoids refers to a condition in which the veins around the anus or lower rectum are swollen and inflamed.

Haemorrhoids may result from straining to move stool. Other contributing factors include pregnancy, aging, chronic constipation or diarrhoea, and anal intercourse.

Haemorrhoids are either inside the anus (internal) or under the skin around the anus (external).

I added the bold for emphasis. Source http://www.medic8.com/healthguide/articles/haemorrhoids.html

HAEMORRHOIDS

What are haemorrhoids?

The term haemorrhoids refers to a condition in which the veins around the anus or lower rectum are swollen and inflamed.

Haemorrhoids may result from straining to move stool. Other contributing factors include pregnancy, aging, chronic constipation or diarrhoea, and anal intercourse.

Haemorrhoids are either inside the anus (internal) or under the skin around the anus (external).

I added the bold for emphasis. Source http://www.medic8.com/healthguide/articles/haemorrhoids.html

there's an idiom that springs to mind here, it's on the tip of my tongue but i can't quite recall it... something about your granny and eggs...

Source http://www.medic8.com/healthguide/articles/haemorrhoids.html

Cute. You found a source which doesn't cite studies. I have dozens that claim the opposite (for instance http://www.emedicine.com/emerg/topic242.htm#section~Clinical doesn't even mention anal sex as a cause for haemorrhoids apart from "historically associated with" and puts into question several of the other "causes" mentioned in your link, as well). You want to know why? Search Pubmed with the keywords "haemorrhoids" and "anal sex" or "homosexual". You will get around 20 results, the majority of which don't actually have to do with anal sex and haemorrhoids and correlation or causation between them, and the few that do have something to say are barely even studies, but more overviews from the 60s and 70s dealing in the deprecated and homophobic so called "gay bowel syndrome".

In EBM terms, there is virtually no evidence to support a claim that anal sex causes haemorrhoids. Trauma may, but anal sex is not supposed to be traumatic, just like vaginal sex is not supposed to be but if it is can cause all sorts of vaginal problems. To go from that to then claim that vaginal sex causes, say, prolapse, is silly, as silly as it is to claim that anal sex causes haemorrhoids, when no sufficient evidence seems to be at hand.

Cute. You found a source which doesn't cite studies.

Well, most doctors don't hand their patients a list of "site studies" when they make a diagnosis...but if you want to live in a state of denial about the possible causes of hemorrhoids then I wish you a mice life...
http://www.blindmicemart.com/assets/product_images/logo.jpg

http://www.dekalbsurgical.com/hemorrhoids_anal_fistulas.html

Do you have a hemorrhoid or is it rectal cancer? When you flush your dookie down, you flush away the answer!

This has been said plenty of times but it can't be stressed enough: talk to a doctor. And you know what? Don't listen to any of us on this end, your doctor for sure would know if there's a connection between hemorrhoids and anal sex.

I mean not to disrespect Celtlund or Fass, but I'd take some guy with a diploma over some people on the internet.

A+ to Geniasis for the Scrubs reference.

And yeah, uh, don't ask the internet. The internet has 4chan on it. (I still think this might be a joke post, but maybe that's from spending too much time on /b/.) Also, an excerpt from Self-Protection 101: don't sleep with slutty meth-addicted people.

So I think I have hemorrhoids! What do I do?

Go to a doctor of course.

'Roids aren't a transmitted disease, they're related to a hernia, and they're caused by restricted blood flow in and around the anus. Constipation, sitting down too much, high blood pressure or being overweight are all factors. "Bearing down" to force out a crap is bad, and some people think sitting down to crap is a problem too (better to squat over the crapper, though that's not comfortable.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hemorrhoids#Treatments

Here be graphic images, yar.

Did you have your anus removed?
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,339270,00.html
?

A+ to Geniasis for the Scrubs reference.

Mega-seconded. *bows*

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hemorrhoids#Treatments

Here be graphic images, yar.Boy howdy.

there's an idiom that springs to mind here, it's on the tip of my tongue but i can't quite recall it... something about your granny and eggs...

You're granny likes to suck eggs?




Why is sucking eggs a bad thing, anyway?

Well, most doctors don't hand their patients a list of "site studies" when they make a diagnosis...

What's a "site study" supposed to be? Or do you not know the meaning of the verb "to cite"? In any case, when doctors today are to claim something as a cause, they need evidence for it. As shown, there is basically none for your claims. Also, you confuse diagnosis with aetiology - just because one can diagnose an ailment, doesn't mean one can say anything about what caused it.

but if you want to live in a state of denial about the possible causes of hemorrhoids then I wish you a mice life...

Cute, you found yourself out of your league and couldn't meet even a basic EBM demand; that's OK, you don't have to. You don't do this for a living, so old unproven myths and homophobic "gay bowel syndromes" can still stand in your mind with "support" from websites that have no evidence-based medical support for their claims in turn. Those of us in the field, though, demand evidence for claims, even from websites.