NationStates Jolt Archive

Hmm, I've been thinking about this, if you're going to be sexually involved with someone and it's a long term relationship, should you ask for a STD/VD test, just to make sure? I ask because I've been thinking back to one of my more crazy relationships that I had. This woman has slept around, and when I told her that I wanted an STD/VD test, (and I even volunteered to take one), she got bitchy because apparently asking for her to do that show's that I don't "trust" her. To me, it's not an issues about trust, I just don't want to catch anything! Yes I'd be wearing a condom, but the last thing I need is an STD! So is it unreasonable to ask for an STD/VD test before you engage in sexual activity, and if you do, does that really mean you don't trust the person?

Hmm, I've been thinking about this, if you're going to be sexually involved with someone and it's a long term relationship, should you ask for a STD/VD test, just to make sure? I ask because I've been thinking back to one of my more crazy relationships that I had. This woman has slept around, and when I told her that I wanted an STD/VD test, (and I even volunteered to take one), she got bitchy because apparently asking for her to do that show's that I don't "trust" her. To me, it's not an issues about trust, I just don't want to catch anything! Yes I'd be wearing a condom, but the last thing I need is an STD! So is it unreasonable to ask for an STD/VD test before you engage in sexual activity, and if you do, does that really mean you don't trust the person?

It depends on trust as an issue of faith, an issue of respect, or an issue of experience.
And/or.

I personally think you could get some of your chances whittled, but that's not a bad thing.

Actually, perhaps you should point out that you've had risky sex before and were extraordinarily glad nothing bad came of it.
Also, you should use some photos for reference ...
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/graphics/2007/11/12/w2a.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml%3Fview%3DDETAILS%26grid%3D%26xml%3D/news/2007/11/14/wtree114.xml&h=400&w=580&sz=44&hl=en&start=3&um=1&tbnid=dWLo9rNiqwOE9M:&tbnh=92&tbnw=134&prev=/images%3Fq%3DTree%2BMan%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN

Hmm, I've been thinking about this, if you're going to be sexually involved with someone and it's a long term relationship, should you ask for a STD/VD test, just to make sure? I ask because I've been thinking back to one of my more crazy relationships that I had. This woman has slept around, and when I told her that I wanted an STD/VD test, (and I even volunteered to take one), she got bitchy because apparently asking for her to do that show's that I don't "trust" her. To me, it's not an issues about trust, I just don't want to catch anything! Yes I'd be wearing a condom, but the last thing I need is an STD! So is it unreasonable to ask for an STD/VD test before you engage in sexual activity, and if you do, does that really mean you don't trust the person?
Absolutely not a matter of trust. No. You are just trying to protect the things you love. (Her... and your own genetals)
A person could have an STD and not know it. So its not like you are accusing her of keeping secrets, or sleeping around.

You may just have to phrase it better than "Your vagina looks red and itchy... Have you got syphilis?"

Like has been mentioned, people can have an STD and not realize it... So it is not a trust thing, but females are females, and as such they will take great offense to it...

Put it this way - which situation do you prefer:


Waking up one morning without having had sex because she left in a mood;
Waking up one morning having had sex, her leaving anyway because it doesn't exactly sound like she's after committment, and then finding out that her eternal gift to you was an STD.

Seriously, an STD is too high a price to pay for a night of passion, no matter how good. If you think she might be infected, don't sleep with her unless you are certain she's clean.

don't sleep with her unless you are certain she's clean.

Bleach & Brillo?

Bleach & Brillo?

I'm sure you could work that into foreplay somehow.

hey i think she was being REALLY childish as an ex IV drug user i know how easy it is to get that kinda crap ( looking at hep c myself) and sexual health is something we ALL need to take responsibility for these days

besides men suffer more during a full STD test i HATE that BLOODY gonorrhea test when they stick that bloody horrible little umbrella up the end of your fun parts open it and scrape a layer of cells out

tears are springing into my eyes just THINKING about it

owww ime gonna have to go now this is getting painfull

Also, you should use some photos for reference ...
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/graphics/2007/11/12/w2a.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml%3Fview%3DDETAILS%26grid%3D%26xml%3D/news/2007/11/14/wtree114.xml&h=400&w=580&sz=44&hl=en&start=3&um=1&tbnid=dWLo9rNiqwOE9M:&tbnh=92&tbnw=134&prev=/images%3Fq%3DTree%2BMan%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN

:eek:

That's really cool in a way. It looks just like Treebeard!

Hmm, I've been thinking about this, if you're going to be sexually involved with someone and it's a long term relationship, should you ask for a STD/VD test, just to make sure? I ask because I've been thinking back to one of my more crazy relationships that I had. This woman has slept around, and when I told her that I wanted an STD/VD test, (and I even volunteered to take one), she got bitchy because apparently asking for her to do that show's that I don't "trust" her. To me, it's not an issues about trust, I just don't want to catch anything! Yes I'd be wearing a condom, but the last thing I need is an STD! So is it unreasonable to ask for an STD/VD test before you engage in sexual activity, and if you do, does that really mean you don't trust the person?

Welcome to the 1980s.

Yes, you should ask. No, it doesn't mean you don't trust them -- they might not know that one of their former partners was not trustworthy. If she thinks it's a problem, you might reconsider that intimate relationship.

:eek:

That's really cool in a way. It looks just like Treebeard!

Ftw.

you probably need to wait for sex until you are WORTH a trip to the doctors office. i dont see a casual aquaintence of a week or 2 being worth the hassle of the whole office visit thing.

Absolutely not unreasonable, and I'd think any sane woman would applaud you for being so health-conscious. When I got together with my current bf five years ago we had the whole have-you-been-tested conversation before having unprotected sex and no one was offended--but then, he's a guy (with a lengthy list of past partners) and I don't think guys are as sensitive about that sort of thing.

besides men suffer more during a full STD test i HATE that BLOODY gonorrhea test when they stick that bloody horrible little umbrella up the end of your fun parts open it and scrape a layer of cells out.

Cry me a river--they do the same thing in a PAP, and women have to/should get those once a year. Sometimes they even CLIP STUFF for a sample. Okay, now I'm crying thinking about it.

I believe getting yourself tested is a no-brainer upon commitment to a sexual relationship, and so is open talk about it. In fact, I think it is highly "unreasonable", to use your word, to have unprotected sex with anyone you can't, to a certain extent, be sure to be clean - that means having undergone a test and been monogamous with you over a certain period of time before that.

Anyone who refuses to do so is either to immature to have a sexual relationship, or too irresponsible/unwilling to form a committed relationship, IMHO.

er...well

1) its actually called STI these days and I thought medical science had mended that hole in the space time continuum by now?

2) trust is a nice thing, if she had something to worry about surely she would of gone to the doctor instead of the old fashioned method of riding bareback with her love machine (or maybe even you!), though go get a checkup if you worry but it just sounds like she was pissed because you suddenly became her personal vagina rancher as if she couldn't look after her own parts

3) why do I get the feeling that they way you worded this was different to how many imagine it

4) erm how long was you dating this girl before you popped this question?

5) has Wilgrove been letting his python out of the rubber cage?

you probably need to wait for sex

thats a good one. :p

personal vagina rancher

Oh dear...

gives all new meaning to plowing fields I'm sure...

Absolutely not a matter of trust. No. You are just trying to protect the things you love. (Her... and your own genetals)
A person could have an STD and not know it. So its not like you are accusing her of keeping secrets, or sleeping around.

I agree. It's not that you don't trust her, it's that she may not even know herself and it's best to be sure. Besides, if you're going to have sex with someone you'll want to be sure you're comfortable doing it and not concerned.

I advise sensitivity when you ask her, but keep in mind that you aren't at all wrong to ask this.

1) its actually called STI these days and I thought medical science had mended that hole in the space time continuum by now?

Correct. STI is a broader term and is preferred nowadays as a person can be infected, and infect other, without knowing they are infected, as the infection shows no disease symptoms.
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2) trust is a nice thing, if she had something to worry about surely she would of gone to the doctor

To use your above point against you, she may be infected and not know a thing. Many people are. She may feel there is nothing to worry about because she's never had sex with anyone who has ever complained of an STI. Doesn't mean you can be assured she's clean. Anyone who is sexually active, and even virgins, are at risk of STIs. I don't mean that to be shock tactics or anything, but if you're going to sleep with someone you are well within your rights to know whether they are infected with an STI or not.
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instead of the old fashioned method of riding bareback with her love machine (or maybe even you!), though go get a checkup if you worry

He is right to worry if she's slept around, as it's certainly possible she might have an STI. If you're worried that someone you're about to engage in sexual activity with might have an STI then it's your prerogative to ask that they get checked, and it's a great show of fairness that you offered to get one aswell.
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but it just sounds like she was pissed because you suddenly became her personal vagina rancher as if she couldn't look after her own parts

Again, it's not meant to be an insult to someone's intelligence, as many people with STIs are unaware they have them, and it isn't difficult to get one, all it takes is one time, one unlucky time. you've extended the argument to make it sound ridiculous, but I think it's perfectly acceptable, and more than that, good sense for 'grove to ask.
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3) why do I get the feeling that they way you worded this was different to how many imagine it

How do you mean?
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4) erm how long was you dating this girl before you popped this question?

5) has Wilgrove been letting his python out of the rubber cage?

Fair questions. 'Grove?
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you probably need to wait for sex until you are WORTH a trip to the doctors office. i dont see a casual aquaintence of a week or 2 being worth the hassle of the whole office visit thing.
thats a good one. :p

What's wrong with waiting to have sex?

What's wrong with waiting to have sex?

"If I can...just get this...tin opener round...there we go!"

I'm regretting this already.

Hmm, I've been thinking about this, if you're going to be sexually involved with someone and it's a long term relationship, should you ask for a STD/VD test, just to make sure? I ask because I've been thinking back to one of my more crazy relationships that I had. This woman has slept around, and when I told her that I wanted an STD/VD test, (and I even volunteered to take one), she got bitchy because apparently asking for her to do that show's that I don't "trust" her. To me, it's not an issues about trust, I just don't want to catch anything! Yes I'd be wearing a condom, but the last thing I need is an STD! So is it unreasonable to ask for an STD/VD test before you engage in sexual activity, and if you do, does that really mean you don't trust the person?

Were you already sexually active with her before you asked? And what "test" are you talking about specifically. They cannot test for everything. Nor do they. Clamydia, gonorrhea, HIV are the standard things. She finds out if she has HPV when she has her annual exam. If she's on birth control she has them and therefore knows if she has HPV. There's sooo many other STI's they have no tests for or can only test if there's symptoms.

These tests also cost money. Are you going to pay for them? Even at Planned Parenthood you're looking at easily over $100 to get these limited tests done outside of the free annual exam time. Insuance only covers these things annually (if at all) or if there are symptoms.

You also can't be tested for HPV while she can. So, you might be spreading it to her. I think the current infection rate is 80% of the population.

Finally, all those tests prove is she is negative at that time. HIV can take at least a month to show up, HPV several years. These things can be transmitted even if not detected.

The risk of STI's is part of the price of admission when it comes to sex. You can reduce you risk, but never even come close to eliminating it.

I'd volunteer myself to be tested first, even if my sexual experiences have been intentionally quite restrained, and I'd not insist on the other doing the same thing, I'd just hope to lead by example.