NationStates Jolt Archive

So, I've been thinking about this alot, mainly because I have two friends who are in relationship where they state they are happy "Sometimes". Really, I have to wonder if you're only happy "Sometimes" is the relationship really worth it? Yes, I know every relationship has it's up and down, and every couple argue, but I'd like to think that at the end of the day, if you're in a healthy and normal relationship, you'd be happy that you're with that person pretty much 99% of the time, or close to it. I dunno, I guess I'm thinking about this because I want my friends to be happy, and to me, they're obviously not. I say don't settle for "sometimes" go for the gutso and go for "All of the time".

Thoughts?

So, I've been thinking about this alot, mainly because I have two friends who are in relationship where they state they are happy "Sometimes". Really, I have to wonder if you're only happy "Sometimes" is the relationship really worth it? Yes, I know every relationship has it's up and down, and every couple argue, but I'd like to think that at the end of the day, if you're in a healthy and normal relationship, you'd be happy that you're with that person pretty much 99% of the time, or close to it. I dunno, I guess I'm thinking about this because I want my friends to be happy, and to me, they're obviously not. I say don't settle for "sometimes" go for the gutso and go for "All of the time".

Thoughts?

No-one is going to be happy "all the time", although if you're unhappy with the relationship more often than you're happy with it, it would probably be a good idea to move on.

So, I've been thinking about this alot, mainly because I have two friends who are in relationship where they state they are happy "Sometimes". Really, I have to wonder if you're only happy "Sometimes" is the relationship really worth it? Yes, I know every relationship has it's up and down, and every couple argue, but I'd like to think that at the end of the day, if you're in a healthy and normal relationship, you'd be happy that you're with that person pretty much 99% of the time, or close to it. I dunno, I guess I'm thinking about this because I want my friends to be happy, and to me, they're obviously not. I say don't settle for "sometimes" go for the gutso and go for "All of the time".

Thoughts?

Happiness...
Life, at least that´s how I see it, is wrapped up in a continuos normality with intense moments of happiness and of sadness.

I dont know about you guys, but I like to be in relationships where Im prepetually unhappy. Im a masochist.

I dont know about you guys, but I like to be in relationships where Im prepetually unhappy. Im a masochist.

*offers KoL a whip*

*offers KoL a whip*

No, see if Im a masochist, it means I enjoy pain, meaning you should be whipping me.;)

No, see if Im a masochist, it means I enjoy pain, meaning you should be whipping me.;)

*whips KoL*
You asked for it, beyotch. Now, who´s your mamma? Say it!

:D

Happiness...
Life, at least that´s how I see it, is wrapped up in a continuous normality with intense moments of happiness and of sadness.

But it is those moments of passion and realization for one individual that are bigger than the largest supernova, brighter than the greatest star, more important than the formation of the Universe. The human potential is far greater than "intense moments of happiness and of sadness". The great moments in a single person's life is a great moment for everything.

So don't be so mellow about it all. We are more important than your tone gives us credit. ;-)

But it is those moments of passion and realization for one individual that are bigger than the largest supernova, brighter than the greatest star, more important than the formation of the Universe. The human potential is far greater than "intense moments of happiness and of sadness". The great moments in a single person's life is a great moment for everything.

So don't be so mellow about it all. We are more important than your tone gives us credit. ;-)

*whips Renewed Life for the unappreciated New Age babble*
;)

*whips Renewed Life for the unappreciated New Age babble*
;)

*queues up for his turn*
:D

*queues up for his turn*
:D

You know, Dyako, me thinks RL referred to me as a species different from humans. LOL! That´s a first.

You know, Dyako, me thinks RL referred to me as a species different from humans. LOL! That´s a first.

:confused:

:confused:

Read his post, Psykovo.;)

Read his post, Psykovo.;)

I did, I just don't see it, that's all.

I did, I just don't see it, that's all.

His/her last sentence.

His/her last sentence.

Okay, depending upon the stress/inflection of 'we', yeah.

So, I've been thinking about this alot, mainly because I have two friends who are in relationship where they state they are happy "Sometimes". Really, I have to wonder if you're only happy "Sometimes" is the relationship really worth it? Yes, I know every relationship has it's up and down, and every couple argue, but I'd like to think that at the end of the day, if you're in a healthy and normal relationship, you'd be happy that you're with that person pretty much 99% of the time, or close to it. I dunno, I guess I'm thinking about this because I want my friends to be happy, and to me, they're obviously not. I say don't settle for "sometimes" go for the gutso and go for "All of the time".

Thoughts?

Is it maybe a sine wave, and as long as the dips aren't so low that you want to puncture the other person's liver with a corkscrew that you first dipped in laundry detergent after wetting it a little bit, and the highs are good enough that you can have an orgasm with them without feeling ashamed like you just popped your cork while looking at a picture of Christina Ricci from Addams Family 2, well...

Is it maybe a sine wave, and as long as the dips aren't so low that you want to puncture the other person's liver with a corkscrew that you first dipped in laundry detergent after wetting it a little bit, and the highs are good enough that you can have an orgasm with them without feeling ashamed like you just popped your cork while looking at a picture of Christina Ricci from Addams Family 2, well...

One Merlina Admas coming up!
http://astrocat.com/samaras/images/paintings/wednesday.jpg

I'm never unhappy, but I'm hardly ever over-joyed either, we've been together nearly 8 years, I'm kinda......well, content I guess. It's not much of a roller coaster, sometimes we get angry, sometimes we are depressed, most of the time, we are the only two people we don't hate. I tell hubby many times a week "you're the only one who doesn't piss me off" and it's true.

Relationships aren't capable of making you happy or unhappy, your spouse/partner isn't responsible for your emotions, if you are truly unhappy it's on you to change your situation.

If you are looking for happiness in a relationship, you won't find it. You have to know how to make yourself happy, and accept your partner for the fucktard they are, and be thankful you have them around when everyone else sucks ass.

*nod*

Life is long hours of boredom punctuated by brief moments of sheer terror.

If a relationship somehow brings you joy at least once a year, it's better than never right?

I was once told, and think it's a fairly accurate judgment, that a relationship should leave you happy and/or satisfied 80% of the time. If it doesn't, you can do better.

So, I've been thinking about this alot, mainly because I have two friends who are in relationship where they state they are happy "Sometimes". Really, I have to wonder if you're only happy "Sometimes" is the relationship really worth it? Yes, I know every relationship has it's up and down, and every couple argue, but I'd like to think that at the end of the day, if you're in a healthy and normal relationship, you'd be happy that you're with that person pretty much 99% of the time, or close to it. I dunno, I guess I'm thinking about this because I want my friends to be happy, and to me, they're obviously not. I say don't settle for "sometimes" go for the gutso and go for "All of the time".

Thoughts?

Heh then you would be wrong. Nobody is happy all of the time, all relationships will go up and down, I think therefore you expect too much. Find somebody who works well with you, and who you work well with.

Life is not like a film.

I'm never unhappy, but I'm hardly ever over-joyed either, we've been together nearly 8 years, I'm kinda......well, content I guess. It's not much of a roller coaster, sometimes we get angry, sometimes we are depressed, most of the time, we are the only two people we don't hate. I tell hubby many times a week "you're the only one who doesn't piss me off" and it's true.

Relationships aren't capable of making you happy or unhappy, your spouse/partner isn't responsible for your emotions, if you are truly unhappy it's on you to change your situation.

If you are looking for happiness in a relationship, you won't find it. You have to know how to make yourself happy, and accept your partner for the fucktard they are, and be thankful you have them around when everyone else sucks ass.

*nod*

Yup that pretty much sums up my opinion on this. I also want to use that last paragraph in some way for my girlfriends birthday card :p

I think the most important question is, are you happier in the relationship, with your partner, or would you be happier on your own?

I was once told, and think it's a fairly accurate judgment, that a relationship should leave you happy and/or satisfied 80% of the time. If it doesn't, you can do better.

They are def. below that. Of course one friend says she gets her happiness by making other people happy, so who knows. The other one, I think is starting to see that her isn't working out and it may be ending soon. It's not going to be pretty (but then again, when are break up pretty?) and I'm going to be staying up a lot of nights with her. I choose to anyways because she's my friend, she's one of the few people I actually give a damn about.

I think the most important question is, are you happier in the relationship, with your partner, or would you be happier on your own?

Personally I could go either way. I'd be happy on my own and in a relationship. On your own is like a frosting on a cup cake but a relationship is like the cherry on top. Even if you don't have the cherry, you still got frosting, and that's not bad. :)

Personally I could go either way. I'd be happy on my own and in a relationship. On your own is like a frosting on a cup cake but a relationship is like the cherry on top. Even if you don't have the cherry, you still got frosting, and that's not bad. :)

Well, what I was trying to get at is that people have different perceptions of being "happy". Me, I'd instantly tell you that I'm happy. My BF would first start moaning about not having enough money, getting older, his back hurting, him not having a Jag in the driveway, etc.
But if asked if he's happier in the relationship than he was before, I'm pretty sure he is. ;)

Well, what I was trying to get at is that people have different perceptions of being "happy". Me, I'd instantly tell you that I'm happy. My BF would first start moaning about not having enough money, getting older, his back hurting, him not having a Jag in the driveway, etc.
But if asked if he's happier in the relationship than he was before, I'm pretty sure he is. ;)

^ this.

I don't see things as a black and white happy/unhappy thing, you can ask me if I'm happy and I'll probably say "no" but then if you were to ask me if I were unhappy, I'll probably say "no". Just because I am not happy doesn't mean I'm unhappy, there's a whole continuum I'm not always at the extremes of it.

Of course relationships are only useful if they make you happier overall. Why else have one? The same goes for almost everything.

Just because I am not happy doesn't mean I'm unhappy, there's a whole continuum I'm not always at the extremes of it.

This is true I guess, but it's also a problem I think. Wouldn't it be better if happiness wasn't an extreme but the default? Like my parents or something always seem to be quite happy as far as I know (there are some fluctuations of course, but their default seems to be quite contented) while I probably wouldn't if I had their life. Maybe it's just life-experience, or maybe I'm just to demanding. Maybe I should find something more fulfilling than sleeping, wasting time and going out[/rant]

Of course relationships are only useful if they make you happier overall. Why else have one? The same goes for almost everything.
I believe happiness comes from inside, not external circumstances.


This is true I guess, but it's also a problem I think. Wouldn't it be better if happiness wasn't an extreme but the default? Like my parents or something always seem to be quite happy as far as I know (there are some fluctuations of course, but their default seems to be quite contented) while I probably wouldn't if I had their life. Maybe it's just life-experience, or maybe I'm just to demanding. Maybe I should find something more fulfilling than sleeping, wasting time and going out[/rant]
if the best of the best is the default, where do you grow from there? you can't spend your life on the mountain top, the only way to go from there is down....I appreciated moments punctuated with mountain top experiences and I grow through the valley, I don't think "being happy" is neccesariy a goal worthy of my time. I've been "happy" before, I didn't grow. I like living.

I believe happiness comes from inside, not external circumstances.

I don't really understand what you mean with that. I think that there are external circumstances which can make you happy. Never been happy because something 'good' happened? like for instance having a good time with someone you love (what relationships are mostly about to a degree, I think). Now if these good things don't outweigh the bad things, if your relationship doesn't make you happy, why bother with them?

if the best of the best is the default, where do you grow from there? you can't spend your life on the mountain top, the only way to go from there is down....I appreciated moments punctuated with mountain top experiences and I grow through the valley, I don't think "being happy" is neccesariy a goal worthy of my time. I've been "happy" before, I didn't grow. I like living.

If you're happy/content by default there is always extreme euphoria to look forward to. Maybe it's just about differences in definition, what I meant was that it was a little bit weird to me that even though I have a good life I'm not happy by default. I have lots of things I know many from around the world can only dream of (loving parents, the ability to study what I want, lots of free time, many friends, relative luxury/financial stability, etc), yet I don't think I'm that much happier. So basically, why is this? Why am I not more happy than 'meh' by default even though there isn't that much room for improvement? I guess that was the core of my little off-topic rant.

I don't really understand what you mean with that. I think that there are external circumstances which can make you happy. Never been happy because something 'good' happened? like for instance having a good time with someone you love (what relationships are mostly about to a degree, I think). Now if these good things don't outweigh the bad things, if your relationship doesn't make you happy, why bother with them?

It depends on what you expect I suppose. I don't expect anything from my husband but honesty. He isn't responsible for making me happy or making me unhappy, I am responsible for those things. If he is angry, it's because he chooses to be, not because of anything I did. Happiness is a heart condition, it's something within you. It's not something I wear on my sleeve that the slightest breeze can blow away. My surface emotions have nothing to do with my inner contentment. I can be frustrated as hell with my husband (and I am today btw) but I am still pretty content to hang out with him. I may not be happy with the situation today, but it's up to me to change that, I'm unhappy because I choose to be.



If you're happy/content by default there is always extreme euphoria to look forward to. Maybe it's just about differences in definition, what I meant was that it was a little bit weird to me that even though I have a good life I'm not happy by default. I have lots of things I know many from around the world can only dream of (loving parents, the ability to study what I want, lots of free time, many friends, relative luxury/financial stability, etc), yet I don't think I'm that much happier. So basically, why is this? Why am I not more happy than 'meh' by default even though there isn't that much room for improvement? I guess that was the core of my little off-topic rant.

Things can't make you happy. You have to be content with your life. If you aren't content with your life, then you have to figure out how to change that. Having a big house or a nice car, or the funniest friend ever, probably won't change much if you aren't fundamentally content.

I think the most important question is, are you happier in the relationship, with your partner, or would you be happier on your own?I was thinking the same thing. If you're perpetually unhappy outside of a relationship, then having a relationship where you're happy sometimes would be an improvement.

Wouldn't it be better if happiness wasn't an extreme but the default?That doesn't seem like a realistic expectation to me.