NationStates Jolt Archive

So, I have these depressive symptoms that I have been trying to nail down for a while (years) now, and I have just determined what they are caused by.

I only feel depressed when things are going well. When things are going poorly, I'm trying to fix them and am not depressed, but when I do well at something, or fix something, then I get depressed. Every time I accomplish a goal, I get depressed. The bigger the hurdle, the more depressed I am when I jump it. Conversely, the bigger the obstacle in front of me, the more determined I am to beat it.

Does this have a name? If it doesn't, it should. It's fascinating.

Opinions on causes, effects, and most importantly, what the name of this would be. I can't do research on it and figure out how to beat it until I know what it's called.

I don't know how it's called, but it sucks...I hope you get better, that's really an awful condition.

It might be a neurological thing where your brain denies you the happy-shot you normally would get for accomplishing something.

Depressions are, for a very large part, only threat able with professional therapy and medications.

I would suggest a doctor.

sounds like you just cant handle the after-effects of completing a task, you slump back down into a "what do i do now?" phase

get a hobby - be a classic american and sit behind a PS2 or a Wii all day, or for a real hobby that gives real ideas, start collecting wargaming models:

www.gamesworkshop.com

Maybe you just aren't choosing the right goals. Sometimes people think they are depressed but they really just have a terrible life. If you get the same emotional response no matter what the circumstances then you have a problem. This is a good website for this stuff http://psychcentral.com/

Make getting better the ultimate goal of your life. If you get better, awesome. If not, you have a nice difficult goal in front of you.

Just hope that getting better doesn't make it worse.

Start smoking. Sorted my depression RIGHT out. Also, you're probably just getting post-task "err, yep, pretty much nothing to do now" syndrome. Just keep doing something at all times, so that it feels like you're actually going somewhere with your life, instead of feeling like you're just coasting along.

Make getting better the ultimate goal of your life. If you get better, awesome. If not, you have a nice difficult goal in front of you.

Just hope that getting better doesn't make it worse.

You actually made me grin with that one. :p

Start smoking. Sorted my depression RIGHT out. Also, you're probably just getting post-task "err, yep, pretty much nothing to do now" syndrome. Just keep doing something at all times, so that it feels like you're actually going somewhere with your life, instead of feeling like you're just coasting along.Uhhhh, I am pretty sure there are many medications out there with weaker side effects than cigarettes.

Since there seems to be a phobia for everything, maybe the OP has a success phobia. That's unfortunate.

You actually made me grin with that one. :p

I'm cured! Hooray!.....awww...

So, I have these depressive symptoms that I have been trying to nail down for a while (years) now, and I have just determined what they are caused by.

I only feel depressed when things are going well. When things are going poorly, I'm trying to fix them and am not depressed, but when I do well at something, or fix something, then I get depressed. Every time I accomplish a goal, I get depressed. The bigger the hurdle, the more depressed I am when I jump it. Conversely, the bigger the obstacle in front of me, the more determined I am to beat it.

Does this have a name? If it doesn't, it should. It's fascinating.

Opinions on causes, effects, and most importantly, what the name of this would be. I can't do research on it and figure out how to beat it until I know what it's called.

Do you feel good when you're about to complete a goal?

Maybe you should make sure you always have something planned, so you never have that "well what do I do now?" time.

Do you feel good when you're about to complete a goal?

Maybe you should make sure you always have something planned, so you never have that "well what do I do now?" time.

I wouldn't say that I ever feel good exactly. It's either sad or focused, I guess.

sounds like you just cant handle the after-effects of completing a task, you slump back down into a "what do i do now?" phase

get a hobby - be a classic american and sit behind a PS2 or a Wii all day,

:rolleyes:

Is there anything you cant troll with generic anti-American crap?


or for a real hobby that gives real ideas, start collecting wargaming models:

www.gamesworkshop.com


Im ashamed that we have a hobby in common.




Anyway, to the OP, I would suggest either seeing psychologist or a doctor if its that bad, otherwise, yeah a hobby might help.


Better yet, whenever you accomplish a task and start to feel it set in, go out with friends or something and reward yourself for completing a task.

So, I have these depressive symptoms that I have been trying to nail down for a while (years) now, and I have just determined what they are caused by.

I only feel depressed when things are going well. When things are going poorly, I'm trying to fix them and am not depressed, but when I do well at something, or fix something, then I get depressed. Every time I accomplish a goal, I get depressed. The bigger the hurdle, the more depressed I am when I jump it. Conversely, the bigger the obstacle in front of me, the more determined I am to beat it.

Does this have a name? If it doesn't, it should. It's fascinating.

Opinions on causes, effects, and most importantly, what the name of this would be. I can't do research on it and figure out how to beat it until I know what it's called.

That's generally how I function, or not. I just graduated from college, I have a job lined up, and I've been accepted into graduate school, and, I'm depressed. Startlingly so. I've actually become sufficiently clingy to my girlfriend that it's started to annoy her.

The only solution I've been able to cook up is to do stuff.

Anyway, to the OP, I would suggest either seeing psychologist or a doctor if its that bad, otherwise, yeah a hobby might help.

Unfortunately, I can't see a doctor. In my line of work, I can't even have a minor hint of psychological instability. It could have... very bad effects to my livelihood.

Better yet, whenever you accomplish a task and start to feel it set in, go out with friends or something and reward yourself for completing a task.

I don't really have any friends that I could go out and celebrate with.

Unfortunately, I can't see a doctor. In my line of work, I can't even have a minor hint of psychological instability. It could have... very bad effects to my livelihood..


What exactly is your line of work..?

I don't really have any friends that I could go out and celebrate with.

This could be the problem...

What exactly is your line of work..?

That's unimportant.

I don't really have any friends that I could go out and celebrate with.

That probably doesn't help.

Unfortunately, I can't see a doctor. In my line of work, I can't even have a minor hint of psychological instability. It could have... very bad effects to my livelihood.The website I linked to lets you ask questions to actual doctors, which is could work better than asking nationstates.

That's unimportant.

Dammit, am I on a list now? Not that I wasn't already from the "Assassination" thread.

Dammit, am I on a list now? Not that I wasn't already from the "Assassination" thread.

Calm yourself. My lists get, ahem, "truncated" frequently.

So, I have these depressive symptoms that I have been trying to nail down for a while (years) now, and I have just determined what they are caused by.

I only feel depressed when things are going well. When things are going poorly, I'm trying to fix them and am not depressed, but when I do well at something, or fix something, then I get depressed. Every time I accomplish a goal, I get depressed. The bigger the hurdle, the more depressed I am when I jump it. Conversely, the bigger the obstacle in front of me, the more determined I am to beat it.

Does this have a name? If it doesn't, it should. It's fascinating.

Opinions on causes, effects, and most importantly, what the name of this would be. I can't do research on it and figure out how to beat it until I know what it's called.

I´m not sure if it has a name. But I do advise you to go visit a doctor. It´s not normal behaviour.

You say you have no friends, and you are afraid of losing your job-- and you are only depressed when things are "going well"??? Clue: things are NOT going well for you, and apparently have never gone well for these past several years; having friends, for example, is an essential part of what "going well" means. No wonder you're depressed! (I'm one to talk: I have no life, which is why I'm always here; and feel trapped in my job likewise; but at least I KNOW why I'm depressed.)

I wouldn't say that I ever feel good exactly. It's either sad or focused, I guess.

I would get some therapy, but also keep your schedule busy so that you're always doing something, since I would assume you prefer feeling focused to feeling sad.

I reckon a good way to get over a psychological condition is to change the very thought processes you use to overcome obstacles.
For instance:
Say you took a cautious approach to puzzles, try the opposite and just take the easy route and cheat, or say you have difficulty making friends by being polite, become loud and obnoxious.
Or even just change things a little if that's a bit extreme, if you plan days in advance, do something totally random, this will mean you don't really achieve anything, as you change your perspective by the very means you employ to solve problems.
If that doesn't work, well analyse cause and effect of current problems, locate easiest route to solving them and carry out the solution. if you think you're achieving something, remind yourself it's only a test so it could be wrong.

In your case, hmmm that's tricky. Try phoning a doctor for advice.
hmmm according to my psychology for higher book it says:
"Depressed individuals tend to percieve themselves and the world around them in a negative manner, which leads to a cycle of unrewarding behavioural patterns that serve to deepen the negative state of mind and further produce unrewarding behaviour. This cycle can be very difficult to break depending on the extent and duration of the illness. The cognitive/behavioural approach to dealing with the problem is based on the principle of the person taking control of themselves and their environment. They are encouraged to provide a more rational interpretation of their own behaviour and to develop new ways of thinking."
Again i'm no expert so don't just take my word for it. Seek professional help if you need it.

we have a hobby in common.


Chaos is the only True answer

*twitches*I feel the warp overtaking me

it is a good pain......

- - - - -

maybe Galloism needs to embrace the dark side and have voices in his head rather than depression

Ya know, i don't know if this could work but...
You could always go see a psychologist and not inform your employer about it.

Ya know, i don't know if this could work but...
You could always go see a psychologist and not inform your employer about it.

They would find out.

That's unimportant.

Roger. Sorry, didnt mean to be intrusive. Just when you said it the way you did...


Youre a mob boss arent ya?

You say you have no friends, and you are afraid of losing your job-- and you are only depressed when things are "going well"??? Clue: things are NOT going well for you, and apparently have never gone well for these past several years; having friends, for example, is an essential part of what "going well" means. No wonder you're depressed! (I'm one to talk: I have no life, which is why I'm always here; and feel trapped in my job likewise; but at least I KNOW why I'm depressed.)

I'm very good at my job, thank you very much. I'm one of the best. However, if I were to show any signs of mental instability I would be transferred faster than a notepad document on a LAN, to a job which is far less... well paying.

As far as friends go, I don't mind them, but no one wants to be my friend when they find out what... kind of person I am.

Roger. Sorry, didnt mean to be intrusive. Just when you said it the way you did...


Youre a mob boss arent ya?

I wish. I'd be a lot richer, have a really awesome lawyer, and have women hanging off of me all the time.

How about a suicide pact?;)

How about a suicide pact?;)

But if we succeeded, I would be depressed.

But if we succeeded, I would be depressed.

Noooo... you'd be dead. :p

How about a suicide pact?;)

Epic fail.

I'm very good at my job, thank you very much. I'm one of the best. However, if I were to show any signs of mental instability I would be transferred faster than a notepad document on a LAN, to a job which is far less... well paying.

As far as friends go, I don't mind them, but no one wants to be my friend when they find out what... kind of person I am.

Bah. You just have to find the right people, which of course is easier said than done.

I have to wonder, though, if your employers will be intrusive enough to find this thread, in which case the cat's out of the bag.

Not knowing your employment (and I'm cool with that. I learned a long time ago when to stop asking questions), I might suggest being up-front with them about the problem, thus showing your current mental stability and responsibility to your employer that you want to be honest with them and also that you want to get checked out so that you can remain employed and in their good favor, and get this problem taken care of before it leads to a serious problem that could be a liability to your employer.

Epic fail.


Awww. Now I'm sad.:(

Awww. Now I'm sad.:(

Eh, it came off as not very funny for some reason. Probably because it's in a thread about a guy with a serious problem. Suicide is only funny when there's not a serious problem being discussed at the time, I'm afraid.

I have to wonder, though, if your employers will be intrusive enough to find this thread, in which case the cat's out of the bag.

They aren't that clever. I'm pretty good at hiding the source.

Not knowing your employment (and I'm cool with that. I learned a long time ago when to stop asking questions), I might suggest being up-front with them about the problem, thus showing your current mental stability and responsibility to your employer that you want to be honest with them and also that you want to get checked out so that you can remain employed and in their good favor, and get this problem taken care of before it leads to a serious problem that could be a liability to your employer.

That was a good one. It almost made me giggle.

They aren't that clever. I'm pretty good at hiding the source.
Fair enough.

I still don't want to end up on another list, dammit. <_<

That was a good one. It almost made me giggle.

Eh, sometimes legalese works. Sometimes it doesn't.

Fair enough.

I still don't want to end up on another list, dammit. <_<

Relax. There are no "secret government lists."

Eh, it came off as not very funny for some reason. Probably because it's in a thread about a guy with a serious problem. Suicide is only funny when there's not a serious problem being discussed at the time, I'm afraid.

....yeah.

Relax. There are no "secret government lists."

Eh, I got no problem with lists. I just don't want to be on one, as I'm probably already on one, so being on it more than once is just asking for trouble.

A couple of questions:
When you have obstacles in front of you, you're determined. When you don't, are you motivated to look for other challenges?
Whenever you accomplish something, you get depressed again. Are you statisfied with your accomplishments, or do you find fault with them?

perhaps you fear success?

I know personally I really don't like it when I get something I didn't 'earn' or didn't feel I earned, and it makes me depressed.

I create imaginary problems so I don't have to deal with the real ones.
For instance, develope an eating disorder so I don't have to come to terms with the fact my parents are severly messed up.

Anyhow, maybe it's because you have nothing to focus your energy on that you're depressed?
Maybe when there's no obstacles, you should just set goals?

A couple of questions:
When you have obstacles in front of you, you're determined. When you don't, are you motivated to look for other challenges?

Eventually. Not always right away.

Whenever you accomplish something, you get depressed again. Are you statisfied with your accomplishments, or do you find fault with them?

Find fault. I could have done that better/faster/smarter than I did.

Well, I can only make guesses (vague, probably inaccurate guesses) but you might have dysthymia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysthymia). If you only feel 'alive' when you're facing a challenge, then maybe the reason you aren't depressed then is a short-term stress reaction (i.e. adrenaline).

Again, I really don't know much about the topic, I'm somewhat speaking from personal experience.

Start smoking. Sorted my depression RIGHT out.

Aye, but in the name of all that is unhealthy do not smoke cigarettes. Be sure to buy cigars...properly kept ones; so many damned "smoke shops" do not bother with keeping their merchandise in humidifiers.

I'm very good at my job, thank you very much.
SO??? Doesn't sound like your job is good to you.

As far as friends go, I don't mind them, but no one wants to be my friend when they find out what... kind of person I am.
This is what I mean when I say your life has never been "going well".

I'm a really fucked-up person (if you don't believe me, ask Nodinia, Gravlen, ...
:p) but I have a lot of friends, who know what kind of person I am and don't mind, or even like me for my fucked-up-ed-ness (is that a word? it is now :D) Please try to open up to people. Maybe you'll find out what a life that is "going well" is really like.

I'm very good at my job, thank you very much. I'm one of the best. However, if I were to show any signs of mental instability I would be transferred faster than a notepad document on a LAN, to a job which is far less... well paying.

Is there any chance at all you can take some time off work, or quit with the possiblilty of returning? And, honestly, if you do have long-term depression, a less well paying job might be better than the alternative. Dysthemia (if that's what you have) can lead to major depressive episodes, and that ain't good.

As far as friends go, I don't mind them, but no one wants to be my friend when they find out what... kind of person I am.

:(

SO??? Doesn't sound like your job is good to you.

This is what I mean when I say your life has never been "going well".

I'm a really fucked-up person (if you don't believe me, ask Nodinia, Gravlen, ...
:p) but I have a lot of friends, who know what kind of person I am and don't mind, or even like me for my fucked-up-ed-ness (is that a word? it is now :D) Please try to open up to people. Maybe you'll find out what a life that is "going well" is really like.

I like my job. That's what scares people.

I like my job.
Except for the part where you are miserable, all the time?

As far as friends go, I don't mind them, but no one wants to be my friend when they find out what... kind of person I am.

*suspicious* Do you work for a medical insurance company??

*suspicious* Do you work for a medical insurance company??

Wow, that's way worse.

No, I'm what you would call a hostilities terminator for the FL state police.

Wow, that's way worse.

No, I'm what you would call a hostilities terminator for the FL state police.

Oh, well that's pretty much a nice version of what I was thinking. I was thinking hitman. But if you do it with the state police, then all is well.

As for your condition, I would suggest a very simple remedy... drink shiteloads of water, and run your body into the ground with physical exercise. Since you're probably fairly fit anyway (as a police officer, one would assume), then you'll be able to get started. Seriously, a 3 hour run at full pelt a day will take your mind completely off any depressive stuff. Worked for my brother. Of course, the problem is, it only puts off the feelings rather than fix them.

Or you could listen to the much more sensible ideas on here.

Oh, well that's pretty much a nice version of what I was thinking. I was thinking hitman.

I've been offered that before. They claim the pay is very good.

If your employers are so strict, and it's clear mental illness is a problem with your job. ie your job causes you pain. Would it not make sense to get another job?
I mean really, depression is a very common illness in the Western world, so i don't understand why your employer wouldn't let you keep your job. still as a i said before, if the job is really that bad, leave it. That's what i would do.

Wow, that's way worse.

No, I'm what you would call a hostilities terminator for the FL state police.
You look sort of like this (http://www.flickr.com/photos/tenaciousme/540330647/)?

If your employers are so strict, and it's clear mental illness is a problem with your job. ie your job causes you pain. Would it not make sense to get another job?
I mean really, depression is a very common illness in the Western world, so i don't understand why your employer wouldn't let you keep your job. still as a i said before, if the job is really that bad, leave it. That's what i would do.

Ok, you guys aren't getting this. I really like my job. There is nothing like the feeling when the commander on scene gives release to terminate the situation.

I gauge the wind with the flag that placed on the scene, and focus. I see the past, the present, and the future... I see where that bullet is going to go before it even leaves the barrel. The whole world turns quiet, the only sound is my own breathing. And then, with all my focus and concentration focused into that one bullet, I fire.

There's no feeling in the world like that. The whole world fades away from around you, and all there is is you and the target. It's peaceful, and... final.

You look sort of like this (http://www.flickr.com/photos/tenaciousme/540330647/)?

Dude, why won't they leave my mother alone already? She's suffered enough!!

Well, you seem to like certainty. You know you're good at your job, so you enjoy it. Are you able to focus at all when you aren't at work?

Well, you seem to like certainty. You know you're good at your job, so you enjoy it. Are you able to focus at all when you aren't at work?

Not really.

Ok, you guys aren't getting this. I really like my job. There is nothing like the feeling when the commander on scene gives release to terminate the situation.

I gauge the wind with the flag that placed on the scene, and focus. I see the past, the present, and the future... I see where that bullet is going to go before it even leaves the barrel. The whole world turns quiet, the only sound is my own breathing. And then, with all my focus and concentration focused into that one bullet, I fire.

There's no feeling in the world like that. The whole world fades away from around you, and all there is is you and the target. It's peaceful, and... final.

huh?
You kill people? this i got from "into that one bullet, i fire". and "commander on scene"
I think you really need help if you do kill people.
Killing people would mess anyone up, badly, not to mention the risk of post traumatic stress occuring. and post traumatic stress is not pleasant.
Unless of course you're just joking around, but as you said before you don't really joke.

Not really.

Well, that can be a sign of depression, once again.
You work in a very… high risk field, and I'd say your condition will probably get worse before it gets better. I think the police would much rather you took some time off and did something about whatever the problem may be, rather than having you break down completely at the worst possible moment.
As I said before, if you do have dysthemia (mild, chronic depression), it can lead to major depressive episodes after several years, and that would really not be a good thing.

huh?
You kill people? this i got from "into that one bullet, i fire". and "commander on scene"
I think you really need help if you do kill people.
Killing people would mess anyone up, badly, not to mention the risk of post traumatic stress occuring. and post traumatic stress is not pleasant.
Unless of course you're just joking around, but as you said before you don't really joke.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Not always. I have taken legs out from under people before, or disabled them with a wound or two. Sometimes though, that simply isn't an option. When that occurs, they are forcing my hand. I will not risk two lives for one. I am a good person.

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Not always. I have taken legs out from under people before, or disabled them with a wound or two. Sometimes though, that simply isn't an option. When that occurs, they are forcing my hand. I will not risk two lives for one. I am a good person.

"Not the sharpest knife in the drawer."
Explain where i've gone wrong in my attempts to help you.

ah. yep, you really need professional help, there's not much more i can say.

"Not the sharpest knife in the drawer."
Explain where i've gone wrong in my attempts to help you.

It just should have been obvious earlier. My goal though is not to kill people, it's to save as many lives as practical.

ah. yep, you really need professional help, there's not much more i can say.

Because I work for the police or because of the listlessness and lack of focus (except when it counts)?

Explain where i've gone wrong in my attempts to help you.

Well, he does keep saying that his job isn't the problem. :)

Well, he does keep saying that his job isn't the problem. :)

THANK you. It's like I'm talking to a wall over here.

My job has lots of rewards and I really like it. It's high risk, but it's also high rewards. Granted, most of time nothing happens and I'm just thinking about my shot as the situation changes, and no one is even aware of my presence.

Every once in a while, though, my presence is the one that lets innocent people walk away with their lives. I feed on those moments.

It's been a while since I've had one of those.

I'm sorry, but you saying "I really like my job" sounds a lot to me like "I really like going to the bar and getting shit-faced; I just don't like puking my guts out all night, and I don't like being so hung-over in the morning that I can barely face the day, and I don't like the headache lingering on until I go to the bar again, and I don't like having no friends left and no money, and I don't like that my wife left me and I'm sleeping on a couch in my mom's basement-- but I really like the drinking." Well yeah, but it's all a package deal.

I really hate revealing details about my personal life, but it's the internet, so what the hell.

I haven't been really and truly "happy" for maybe six years now, but I suffered through it: I managed to get good grades, honours student, etc. Things were okay.
Just a few weeks ago, though, I quit school, because for a few months I was simply no longer able to function. Like you, I couldn't focus. I was listless. I couldn't do my homework, I couldn't write tests. That's when I finally started getting help.

It sounds like you're in the suffering-through-it stage right now. But in your line of work, people are really relying on you. You can't afford to wait until you can't function anymore. So please, try and get some time off work and get some help, because it's much, much better to it now than to wait.

I really hate revealing details about my personal life, but it's the internet, so what the hell.

Exactly.

I haven't been really and truly "happy" for maybe six years now, but I suffered through it: I managed to get good grades, honours student, etc. Things were okay.
Just a few weeks ago, though, I quit school, because for a few months I was simply no longer able to function. Like you, I couldn't focus. I was listless. I couldn't do my homework, I couldn't write tests. That's when I finally started getting help.

It sounds like you're in the suffering-through-it stage right now. But in your line of work, people are really relying on you. You can't afford to wait until you can't function anymore. So please, try and get some time off work and get some help, because it's much, much better to it now than to wait.

Point taken. You seem to be right, of course. I just hate to leave things in their hands. I've seen everyone else miss before. This is not a line of work where you can afford to be inaccurate. It makes me nervous to not be on the scene.

Point taken. You seem to be right, of course. I just hate to leave things in their hands. I've seen everyone else miss before. This is not a line of work where you can afford to be inaccurate. It makes me nervous to not be on the scene.

Control freak. ;)
But seriously, that's reasonable. As I keep droning on, though, given the way you feel about your job (and the way you don't rely on your coworkers too much), if you were to break down, I'm not sure you'd be able to handle failing yourself.

Control freak. ;)

I resemble that.

But seriously, that's reasonable. As I keep droning on, though, given the way you feel about your job (and the way you don't rely on your coworkers too much), if you were to break down, I'm not sure you'd be able to handle failing yourself.

Interesting point. I missed one time when it counted, and I don't intend to ever repeat that. It's very hard to take.

I would say I feel the same way as you, but then I realized, I'm just burnt out.

My advice: try doing something engaging and long term to distract you.

Oh, well that's pretty much a nice version of what I was thinking. I was thinking hitman. But if you do it with the state police, then all is well.

As for your condition, I would suggest a very simple remedy... drink shiteloads of water, and run your body into the ground with physical exercise. Since you're probably fairly fit anyway (as a police officer, one would assume), then you'll be able to get started. Seriously, a 3 hour run at full pelt a day will take your mind completely off any depressive stuff. Worked for my brother. Of course, the problem is, it only puts off the feelings rather than fix them.

Or you could listen to the much more sensible ideas on here.

*gasp* THAT'S WHAT I DO!!
Whenever I feel depressed (a lot, I might have what you have), I go for a fun. Not 3 hours full pelt, just running. I run around a marina round and round and round until it starts hurting, and then I run more until I'm almost on the ground. It really takes my mind off things and I end up not caring or occasionally with a solution. Try it and see.

Or you could just get something to do. A real hobby to get your life moving, so you can progress in that and always make sure you're aiming for something.

I would say I feel the same way as you, but then I realized, I'm just burnt out.

My advice: try doing something engaging and long term to distract you.

You may have a point there. I haven't taken a vacation in three or four years. I do have some vacation time built up. Maybe I need to go somewhere.

Any suggestions?

You may have a point there. I haven't taken a vacation in three or four years. I do have some vacation time built up. Maybe I need to go somewhere.

Any suggestions?
Go pitch a tent in the Smoky Mountains or some such place far away from cars and hassles. Hike some strenuous trails.

I don't know what it's called, but I have a solution. Every time that you accomplish something, immediately go out and buy a WHOLE LOT of coke, and do it. Ideally you could buy enough to completely wipe out whatever financial gains you have made, so you'll have another hill to climb once you come down from your high. Assuming you don't OD or get addicted or something, it should be the perfect recipe for eternal bliss!