NationStates Jolt Archive

Recent research on bread has indicated that:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread is made from a substance called “dough.” It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease, and osteoporosis.

7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

8. Bread is often a “gateway” food item, leading the user to “harder” items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide “Just Say No To Toast” campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of “Bread-free” zones around schools.

Many critics of the recent studies claim that statistics are being taken out of context.

Dr. Gareth Gobulcoque, spokesman for the American Bread Institute had this to say, "This study and its conclusions are the most deranged line of reasoning I have ever heard. Bread does not kill people, people kill people."

Still, not everyone is convinced and many are calling for further study, myself included. What say you, the fussy plebs of NSG?

Dr. Gareth Gobulcoque, spokesman for the American Bread Institute had this to say, "This study and its conclusions are the most deranged line of reasoning I have ever heard. Bread does not kill people, people kill people."

With bread Doc, with bread.

100% of serial killers consume water, and all human beings are unable to survive without it for a long period. This means long-term water deprivation carries a 100% death rate, making it one of the most dangerous and addictive substances
in existence.

Water is a primary ingredient in the production of bread. COINCIDENCE.

The Toast Man comes, and tonight he comes for you!

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/aa/Powdered_Toast_Man_screenshot.png

TOAST-A-RIFIC! :D

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Powdered_Toast_Man

An oldie but a goodie.

Link? Because this "study" stinks like an Onion.

Great, another DHMO... jiust what we need. :headbang:

http://www.drawingbreath.co.uk/img/cereal-killer.jpg

Recent research on bread has indicated that:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread is made from a substance called “dough.” It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease, and osteoporosis.

7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

8. Bread is often a “gateway” food item, leading the user to “harder” items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide “Just Say No To Toast” campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of “Bread-free” zones around schools.

Many critics of the recent studies claim that statistics are being taken out of context.

Dr. Gareth Gobulcoque, spokesman for the American Bread Institute had this to say, "This study and its conclusions are the most deranged line of reasoning I have ever heard. Bread does not kill people, people kill people."

Still, not everyone is convinced and many are calling for further study, myself included. What say you, the fussy plebs of NSG?

I fucking love you. <3

1998 much, do you?

This is the best thing since the proposed ban of dihydrogen monoxide.:D

1998 much, do you?
More recent than DHMO. What is that, 20 years old now?

Recent research on bread has indicated that:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread is made from a substance called “dough.” It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease, and osteoporosis.

7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

8. Bread is often a “gateway” food item, leading the user to “harder” items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide “Just Say No To Toast” campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of “Bread-free” zones around schools.

Many critics of the recent studies claim that statistics are being taken out of context.

Dr. Gareth Gobulcoque, spokesman for the American Bread Institute had this to say, "This study and its conclusions are the most deranged line of reasoning I have ever heard. Bread does not kill people, people kill people."

Still, not everyone is convinced and many are calling for further study, myself included. What say you, the fussy plebs of NSG?

I give the comedy in this OP the following rating: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v70/ZakkWylde470/f8a930c6.jpg

That's why they're called cereal killers. *nod*

This is the best thing since the proposed ban of dihydrogen monoxide.:D

no... This is the best thing sence sliced bread. (que drums)

Recent research on bread has indicated that:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread is made from a substance called “dough.” It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease, and osteoporosis.

7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

8. Bread is often a “gateway” food item, leading the user to “harder” items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide “Just Say No To Toast” campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of “Bread-free” zones around schools.

Many critics of the recent studies claim that statistics are being taken out of context.

Dr. Gareth Gobulcoque, spokesman for the American Bread Institute had this to say, "This study and its conclusions are the most deranged line of reasoning I have ever heard. Bread does not kill people, people kill people."

Still, not everyone is convinced and many are calling for further study, myself included. What say you, the fussy plebs of NSG?



http://img74.imageshack.us/img74/6571/pancakebunnyvu0.png (http://imageshack.us)

Recent research on bread has indicated that:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

...


also:

DHMO is crucial in the preparation of any kind of "bread", and DHMO is present in any kind of "bread".

100% of convicted felons are DHMO addicted.

Also, when prisons were meant as penalty more than as rehab, like in the 18th century, the inmates were forced on a diet which consisted mainly of bread and DHMO.

I stopped eating "bread" and I lost 18 kg in 7 months.

If you're in bread, chances are you have genetic defects!

I give the comedy in this OP the following rating: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v70/ZakkWylde470/f8a930c6.jpg
That's going in the collection!

Great, another DHMO... jiust what we need. :headbang:

I had to look that up, haha, go UCSC! We rock...

4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.


Does this also include papadums?

http://www.lijjat.com/images/kurum.jpg