NationStates Jolt Archive

So at the moment I feel hacked off with some people who I thought were friends.

Story:

I am going on holiday to Spain for a week with a few friends to celebrate the end of exams and such. In that same week is another friends birthday which I can't make due to being on holiday. Now I've apologised I can't make the party but instead of accepting my apology, my so called friends have called me every name under the sun, betrayer etc. I'm sick of it. It's like they don't expect me to have a life separate from them at university.

I don't feel I've betrayed anyone, the holiday was booked in advance of when the party would have been held, and yet friends I've had for years turn on me.

So did I betray them?
Have you ever been betrayed?
Have you ever been the betrayer?

that tends to happen with 'friends'.
i got used to it.
even those closest to you.
*shrug* for most people... their parents will never betray them. that's about it, far as i can see. tis life, deal with it.

So at the moment I feel hacked off with some people who I thought were friends.

Story:

I am going on holiday to Spain for a week with a few friends to celebrate the end of exams and such. In that same week is another friends birthday which I can't make due to being on holiday. Now I've apologised I can't make the party but instead of accepting my apology, my so called friends have called me every name under the sun, betrayer etc. I'm sick of it. It's like they don't expect me to have a life separate from them at university.

I don't feel I've betrayed anyone, the holiday was booked in advance of when the party would have been held, and yet friends I've had for years turn on me.
The obvious solution is for you to kick one of your friends that was to be going with you to the curb and take me instead... :D
So did I betray them? Nope
Have you ever been betrayed? Yep
Have you ever been the betrayer? Nope

The obvious solution is for you to kick one of your friends that was to be going with you to the curb and take me instead... :D
Nope
Yep
Nope

Haha, I'm going with a different group of friends, but if it was the group I mention in the OP I would replace one of them with you...

Haha, I'm going with a different group of friends, but if it was the group I mention in the OP I would replace one of them with you...

I kinda figured, I'm just looking for a free trip to Spain...
:p

Hmph, they called you names just because you can't attend their lousy party?
So did I betray them?
Absolutely not.
Have you ever been betrayed?
Yup. Many times.
Have you ever been the betrayer?
None that I can recall.

I kinda figured, I'm just looking for a free trip to Spain...
:p
I know why.

Send him a present for his birthday, since almost any situation can be resolved with presents (Sadly pregnancy cannot :().

I know why.

Shhhh! Don't tell anyone...
:D
http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/ff315/Sarothai/nanatsu_no_tsuki.jpg

Hmph, they called you names just because you can't attend their lousy party?

Absolutely not.

Yup. Many times.

None that I can recall.

More than just a few names. Its the way they've said it, how they now act. I kind of guess in these situations you really find out who your friends are.

Click Stand;13607201']Send him a present for his birthday, since almost any situation can be resolved with presents (Sadly pregnancy cannot :().

It depends upon the present and how quickly you act...

It depends upon the present and how quickly you act...

I've talked with women about it, but it seems a good birthday present isn't a trip to the abortion clinic. It costs a lot of money too.

Click Stand;13607223']I've talked with women about it, but it seems a good birthday present isn't a trip to the abortion clinic. It costs a lot of money too.

:D

Shhhh! Don't tell anyone...
:D
You've already told everyone.

I thought you were going to Spain so you can make our puddings.

More than just a few names. Its the way they've said it, how they now act. I kind of guess in these situations you really find out who your friends are.
By the way they act, they don't seem to be great friends.

IMHO, friends are there to support you wherever you are, whether you're in your hometown, Spain, or in Mars. Of course it won't bother me if my friends can't bring me over in a trip or they can't attend my party because they are away... these holiday trips are rare whereas you can party with your friend anytime you like... But it won't hurt if you still send your "friend" a nice gift or something, despite what s/he/them had done. So even if you're away, you're still partaking in the party somehow. I dunno, when you still send them gifts and/or act as if nothing happened, they'll realize it later what they've done... unless you want to continue what they have started and break off the friendship altogether.

Remember: misunderstandings are part of any relationship (friendship, marriage, etc.). This may just be one of them. ;)

Instead of friends, what you need are a bunch of sycophants instead. I'm sure they'll last longer, and the best part is that they'll almost never have opinions differing from your own! All you need to do is pump your Charisma up to 20 or start up a cult... Thats how Manson did it, and his friends never betrayed him! Oh yeah, your questions...


So did I betray them? Nope. Your friends are just retarded.
Have you ever been betrayed? Yes, a few times. But I usually got over it pretty fast.
Have you ever been the betrayer? The most I've ever done was hide from a girl I didn't want to see anymore for about two years, because she was being pretty annoying. This was on the internet though, but she also had my phone number and other contact information, though she didn't call me. When I talked to her again two years later, everything was fine and she didn't really hold it against me.

I thought you were going to Spain so you can make our puddings.

That would be her fiance's job not mine...

You've already told everyone.

I thought you were going to Spain so you can make our puddings.


By the way they act, they don't seem to be great friends.

IMHO, friends are there to support you wherever you are, whether you're in your hometown, Spain, or in Mars. Of course it won't bother me if my friends can't bring me over in a trip or they can't attend my party because they are away... these holiday trips are rare whereas you can party with your friend anytime you like... But it won't hurt if you still send your "friend" a nice gift or something, despite what s/he/them had done. So even if you're away, you're still partaking in the party somehow. I dunno, when you still send them gifts and/or act as if nothing happened, they'll realize it later what they've done... unless you want to continue what they have started and break off the friendship altogether.

Remember: misunderstandings are part of any relationship (friendship, marriage, etc.). This may just be one of them. ;)

I've actually been questioning our friendship for a bit now. Since I left home, I've found friends that are a lot closer now, who will do whatever. I'll try and send her something.

That would be her fiance's job not mine...
Well, as long as you are willing to be paid with episodes "Maria la del Barrio", we'll accept you. ;)
I've actually been questioning our friendship for a bit now. Since I left home, I've found friends that are a lot closer now, who will do whatever. I'll try and send her something.
Hmmmmmmmm, I smell something.... :D

Well, as long as you are willing to be paid with episodes "Maria la del Barrio", we'll accept you. ;)

Hmmmmmmmm, I smell something.... :D

Her boyfriend would kick my ass! :p And his a closer friend to me than she is.

This is your first year away at uni right?

So at the moment I feel hacked off with some people who I thought were friends.

Story:

I am going on holiday to Spain for a week with a few friends to celebrate the end of exams and such. In that same week is another friends birthday which I can't make due to being on holiday. Now I've apologised I can't make the party but instead of accepting my apology, my so called friends have called me every name under the sun, betrayer etc. I'm sick of it. It's like they don't expect me to have a life separate from them at university.

I don't feel I've betrayed anyone, the holiday was booked in advance of when the party would have been held, and yet friends I've had for years turn on me.

So did I betray them?
Have you ever been betrayed?
Have you ever been the betrayer?

Clearly she was planning to have wild, passionate sex with you. Try having sex with someone in Spain while thinking of her, she'll appreciate the sentiment, I'm sure.

As will her boyfriend.

This is your first year away at uni right?

Yes it is.

Her boyfriend would kick my ass! :p And his a closer friend to me than she is.
Her boyfriend would kick her ass because she wants it. Why else would she throw tantrums when you can't attend? :D

BTW, did her boyfriend join in the calling of names?

Clearly she was planning to have wild, passionate sex with you. Try having sex with someone in Spain while thinking of her, she'll appreciate the sentiment, I'm sure.

As will her boyfriend.

Of course! It'll become an elaborate plan...

Her boyfriend would kick her ass because she wants it. Why else would she throw tantrums when you can't attend? :D

BTW, did her boyfriend join in the calling of names?

No, he's probably one of my better friends for it. Of course he may joke but he doesn't mean it. I stood by his side in the past.

they are being childish.

i have been betrayed but i have forgiven. not able to forget though cuz i'm still experiencing the consequences nearly 2 years later. my two best friends decided they didn't want to live with me and didn't mention it to me til it was too late to do much about it. at the time they said it was because they thought i would want to live in a different sort of place (which was bullshit but i accepted it cuz not doing so would have hurt) but everytime they've needed a new flatmate they've not even suggested i might be an option despite me living in a thoroughly unhappy situation for a year and living in the same area desperately wanting a way out. fortunately i have other friends who would live with me now so when i move in with them i will probably dump the others.

Are you far away when you're on campus? How much of a chance is there for meeting up with home freinds during term time? Have you been able to stay in contact or has it just been memories; and what kind of effort has been put in on either side?
(Sorry about the grammer there)

No, he's probably one of my better friends for it. Of course he may joke but he doesn't mean it. I stood by his side in the past.
Then good. Things will be better soon. I predict this will just be temporary.;)

Are you far away when you're on campus? How much of a chance is there for meeting up with home freinds during term time? Have you been able to stay in contact or has it just been memories; and what kind of effort has been put in on either side?
(Sorry about the grammer there)

40 miles away. It can been difficult meeting up with friends from back home, due to them having full time jobs or also being at university. We stay in contact, pretty frequent and such.

I've put in enough effort as time and other commitments would allow,meaning every time I know I'll be visiting my family and will have free time I call all of them to arrange a night out.

So did I betray them?
Of course not. Whiners.


Have you ever been betrayed?
Several times.


Have you ever been the betrayer?
Once. I cheated on my now-ex-husband.
__________________

So did I betray them?
Of course not. Whiners.


Have you ever been betrayed?
Several times.


Have you ever been the betrayer?
Once. I cheated on my now-ex-husband.
__________________

Ditto. Except the ex-husband thing.:p

On another note: I feel like I either have a trio of stalkers or a budding fan club here at NSG. <.<
Free trip to Spain, eh? >.>

Londim, i can see your point, you've been a good friend, and now they expect everything their way

If they cant handle the fact that you actually do have your own life, then screw them,:mp5::sniper:

Ive been betrayed several times, and just abandoned the traitors, if they cant be honest with me, they have no further place in my life
Once a traitor, always a traitor - if they were able to betray once, it would be easier for them to do it next time, so dont give them a next time

Ditto. Except the ex-husband thing.:p

On another note: I feel like I either have a trio of stalkers or a budding fan club here at NSG. <.<
Free trip to Spain, eh? >.>

Don't flatter yourself, I'm only in this to see the love polyhedron. I'm still not even sure how that would work!

'Sides, your too far anyway.

:p

Don't flatter yourself, I'm only in this to see the love polyhedron. I'm still not even sure how that would work!

'Sides, your too far anyway.

:p

o.O
Em... who said I was referring to you, dear Gen?

o.O
Em... who said I was referring to you, dear Gen?

Wasn't I the third one who signed up?

Wasn't I the third one who signed up?

Nope, but thanks for being the reluctant number 4.;)

Nope, but thanks for being the reluctant number 4.;)
Who are the other three?

Who are the other three?

I can´t say. Ask them, you know them.:D

And for the ones that are taking me seriously, remember, I kidd.:)

To OP: It serves no purpose to call "Betrayal" when your friends do something you don't like, espacialy when it's stupid.

I remember that I tried to be nice to one one my friend some time after I did something really wrong. But all I got was "You're a monster" and our e-mail relationship ended with me saying I didn't deserve to be her friend and that I was sorry. I felt really betrayed by her counter-bitch attitude but knew I could've done the same thing to her in response to such stupid acts.

Anyways, a few months later at my birthday I received an e-mail saying she was sorry and that if I wanted we could be friends again. So I just brushed off the whole thing, same as she brushed off what I did. She's still my second best friend.

The only purpose it serves to hold something against your friends is that they will have more reasons to think bad of you. If, on the other hand, you admit your errors and try to have them forgive you, not only you won't have anything to be ashamed of, but you will also have a chance of them admitting their own errors. Then, if they don't after all that, you will know it's for the better that they are not your friends anymore.

I don't think a single betrayal should be enough to end a long positive relationship. Of course if you think they're assholes even without considering that event, well...

Yeah, so, have they betrayed you is not really what I would be focusing about. I would just try to guess what I did to make it happen and remember that I once was the biggest jerk ever, too.

Nope, but thanks for being the reluctant number 4.;)

Ah, these had me confused.

See Nanatsu, now you have two soap opera free guys vying for your attention.
:D

What the hell, why not make it three? Let's turn this love triangle into a love polyhedron!

WTF? 3? I´m f*cked...

But now I see that our relationship was built upon a throne of lies!

So did I betray them?

No. Your conduct was perfectly reasonable.

Have you ever been betrayed?

Yes, sort of... a friend and I got into a vicious political argument that resulted in many months of hostility, mostly instigated by him (the hostility, not the argument). We've made peace since.

Have you ever been the betrayer?

Yes. I had a friend in middle school who grew increasingly annoying, and ultimately I essentially told him to fuck off... though (a little) more tactfully. It was cruel. I wouldn't do the same thing now.

I don't feel I've betrayed anyone, the holiday was booked in advance of when the party would have been held, and yet friends I've had for years turn on me.

So did I betray them?
Have you ever been betrayed?
Have you ever been the betrayer?

Is it possible that this isn't just a birthday party but also a gathering of friends at a time of change? You talk of exams and I wonder what sort of exams they were, end of high school, end of college?

So it may not simply be about a birthday but more a feeling that you've chosen 'other' in your life.

Not saying you've done anything wrong, simply that there may be more to it than just a birthday party.

EDIT: Having actually bothered to read the thread now...yeah, I think Sarrowquand is getting to the same point. You've been a year at uni, making new friends with whom you're now going on a trip to Spain.

I guess they feel betrayed in a sense because you're making a new life for yourself. It's not just about the birthday party.

Whatever, the only constant in life is change.

Click Stand;13607201'] since almost any situation can be resolved with presents (Sadly pregnancy cannot :().Send a coathanger (http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp12192001.shtml)?

They are being childish about the situation, but that doesn't excuse the fact that you fucked up... You've known this friend for years and yet you booked a holiday the same week as their birthday?

So at the moment I feel hacked off with some people who I thought were friends.

Story:

I am going on holiday to Spain for a week with a few friends to celebrate the end of exams and such. In that same week is another friends birthday which I can't make due to being on holiday. Now I've apologised I can't make the party but instead of accepting my apology, my so called friends have called me every name under the sun, betrayer etc. I'm sick of it. It's like they don't expect me to have a life separate from them at university.

I don't feel I've betrayed anyone, the holiday was booked in advance of when the party would have been held, and yet friends I've had for years turn on me.

So did I betray them?
Have you ever been betrayed?
Have you ever been the betrayer?

Heh people like this make me giggle. I have no qualms in cutting shit like this out of my life. A freind that tries to emotionaly blackmail you can just be cut off and cut out.

Do that, or just ignore them until they have calmed down. In truth though I would say that, if they can do this once, then they probaly will again.

So is their friendship worth it?

They are being childish about the situation, but that doesn't excuse the fact that you fucked up... You've known this friend for years and yet you booked a holiday the same week as their birthday?

In all honesty I've known her for little over a year and at the time I was booking it I forgot her birthday was that week and believed it to be the week before, that was my error. It won't be one of those parties where we won't see each other again for ages, the week after we all go onto summer break for 3 months so I'll be out constantly with them during that time.

Heh people like this make me giggle. I have no qualms in cutting shit like this out of my life. A freind that tries to emotionaly blackmail you can just be cut off and cut out.

Do that, or just ignore them until they have calmed down. In truth though I would say that, if they can do this once, then they probaly will again.

So is their friendship worth it?

As it's a whole group I'll go with the answer, that some of them I truly do consider to have a worthwhile friendship, with others it is a bit more questionable. The girl can act quite spoilt sometimes and expects things her own way but we do usually get along really well.

Ah, these had me confused.







But now I see that our relationship was built upon a throne of lies!

Cry baby.:D

In all honesty I've known her for little over a year and at the time I was booking it I forgot her birthday was that week and believed it to be the week before, that was my error. It won't be one of those parties where we won't see each other again for ages, the week after we all go onto summer break for 3 months so I'll be out constantly with them during that time.

As it's a whole group I'll go with the answer, that some of them I truly do consider to have a worthwhile friendship, with others it is a bit more questionable. The girl can act quite spoilt sometimes and expects things her own way but we do usually get along really well.

Obviously, she's not had the chance to grow up yet.

In all honesty I've known her for little over a year and at the time I was booking it I forgot her birthday was that week and believed it to be the week before, that was my error. It won't be one of those parties where we won't see each other again for ages, the week after we all go onto summer break for 3 months so I'll be out constantly with them during that time.Only a year? That's not so bad. You did say years though :p

I'm terrible at remembering birthday's. I generally have to be prompted by other people. For which I'm very grateful.

Only a year? That's not so bad. You did say years though :p

I'm terrible at remembering birthday's. I generally have to be prompted by other people. For which I'm very grateful.

It's my birthday. Buy me a present, or I'll make you feel guilty.

It's my birthday. Buy me a present, or I'll make you feel guilty.
*salutes* Yes ma'am! :p

Well, as long as you are willing to be paid with episodes "Maria la del Barrio", we'll accept you. ;)

Nah, I'll pass

I can´t say. Ask them, you know them.:D

And for the ones that are taking me seriously, remember, I kidd.:)

*takes Nanatsu seriously*
:D

EDIT: Having actually bothered to read the thread now...yeah, I think Sarrowquand is getting to the same point. You've been a year at uni, making new friends with whom you're now going on a trip to Spain.

I guess they feel betrayed in a sense because you're making a new life for yourself. It's not just about the birthday party.

Whatever, the only constant in life is change.


That was what I was going for but I did want to add that this is probably the point where you'll have the most growing pains and un-easiest divide between the two groups. Wait for tomorrow and in a few months everyone will probably seem more reasonable.

Oh one other thing is; if you are the only one in your local set of friends to have left for uni? Did most of the others stay local?

Anyhoot, don't let it ruin your holiday.