NationStates Jolt Archive


Here's a reversal on an old question: How do you tell your parents you're NOT gay?

Klonor
10-04-2008, 02:08
Here is the situation: I'm pretty sure my parents think I'm gay. It's actually rather understandable, I've never brought home a girlfriend to meet them, I went to my prom with a group of friends without even trying to find a serious date first, and I once asked my mom "What would you do if I told you I was gay?" (I think that might have been what did it), but I'm quite sure that I am, in fact, straight. It's never really even been a question for me, I've always been confident in my heterosexuality, but I suppose that my frequent involvement with gay-themed activities (I'm taking a Gay & Lesbian History course, took part in a pride rally on campus recently, etc.) has given my parents the wrong idea. Don't get me wrong, it's never been any sort of issue, they've never made accusations or condemnations, and I'm pretty sure that if I did tell them I was gay they'd be perfectly fine with it (As long as I married nice Jewish man, preferably a doctor, even my grandparents would be fine with it), but it's a little unnerving to constantly feel like they're watching me out of the corner of their eyes.

My mother, I think, is the one who's a bit more sure that I'm gay. I think that she thinks I'm either gay and in denial, refusing to admit it to myself, or that I'm gay and am lying to her and my dad (Why? I don't know, maybe she thinks I think they won't accept me or something like that). My dad doesn't so much think I'm gay as he is worried that I'm gay. He's always on the lookout for little clues, and he's always a little too excited when I do or say something to tell him I'm straight (My facebook profile, for example, made him very happy when he saw that I'd selected I was interested in women), as if he's teetering on the edge and dreading that one day he'll walk into my room and find a Playgirl magazine stuffed in one of my drawers.

So, what can I do? I have come out and directly told them that I'm straight, but like I said, my mom thinks I'm in denial/lying, and my dad is still waiting to actually catch me in the act. Apart from letting them catch me in bed with some random woman, and I've actually seriously considered that just to get this whole thing over with, I can't think of anything to do to finally convince them to let it go.

Hmmm....maybe if I stop wearing the shirt that says "gay? fine by me" every time I go home (Honestly, I just wear the first shirt I grab in the mornings, but somehow it always seems to be what I'm wearing when I haven't seen them in a few months).
Gauthier
10-04-2008, 02:09
The fact that you're not Tom Cruise ought to be good enough for starters.
Nobel Hobos
10-04-2008, 02:13
Have sex with your mother.
Knights of Liberty
10-04-2008, 02:13
Have hot passionate sex with a very attractive woman in front of them.

It will be awkward, but will remove all doubt.
Gauthier
10-04-2008, 02:15
Have hot passionate sex with a very attractive woman in front of them.

It will be awkward, but will remove all doubt.

I dunno, Tom Cruise and Anne Heche have both proven that you can lie about your orientation.
NERVUN
10-04-2008, 02:15
Bring home a random girl and proceed to screw her on the dinner table after dessert?

Only surefire way I can think of.
Ashmoria
10-04-2008, 02:16
youve told them youre straight. thats enough. if they cant accept you as you are, to hell with them!

anyway, theyll be that much more pleased the day you bring home a nice girl and tell them that you knocked her up.
Mad hatters in jeans
10-04-2008, 02:16
Write "My sexuality is none of your business" in large letters on their door or wherever is most obvious.
Say that you want to be a woman, then they'd be certain you aren't gay.
I kinda have the opposite with my parents, they almost want me to be gay for some reason, and keep saying "oh, we'll be quite happy with you if you are gay" thus leading to my only defence, "uh thanks for that".
Tell them to back off or you'l buy a male prostitute for a big gay orgy, then they would shut up. probably.
[NS]Click Stand
10-04-2008, 02:18
I have an original idea, bing home a hot girl and screw'em right in front of your parents. There, problem solved.

Or you could yell "I'M NOT GAY!!!!" right in everyones face on a holiday of some sort.

Either way works.
Lunatic Goofballs
10-04-2008, 02:19
The first thought that comes to mind is; Invite them to watch you fuck a girl.

But that doesn't really prove you're straight. SOme men have a wife and children before they stop bullshitting themselves.

So do what I do: Don't care. You really have nothing to prove to your parents and nothing to prove to yourself. Find people you enjoy and have sex with them. Should you find your one true soulmate, marry it. Simple.

I've gone through that shit all the time. Still do. Many people I know and have known for most of my life are still of the opinion that if you've ever had sex with a man... ever ever... then you must be gay. When discussing sexual preference, the word 'preference' seems to get lost in the shuffle.

So in conclusion, I don't see why you have to verify either label to your parents.
Intangelon
10-04-2008, 02:25
Here is the situation: I'm pretty sure my parents think I'm gay. It's actually rather understandable, I've never brought home a girlfriend to meet them, I went to my prom with a group of friends without even trying to find a serious date first, and I once asked my mom "What would you do if I told you I was gay?" (I think that might have been what did it)

Ya think? Here's a tip -- have an actual sit-down conversation with them about it. That way, they don't have to infer and you don't have to imply a single thing. All of the half-mentions, assumptions and hints (intentional or otherwise) leave far too much to interpretation. Have a full-on, longer than five minute talk with your parents, and tell them what you just told us.
Igneria
10-04-2008, 02:36
i like the conversation idea, if that doesn't work just wait it out. If they've decided your gay and in denial then they probably won't listen to anything else.
Klonor
10-04-2008, 02:49
Have sex with your mother.

Huh...let's just label this "Plan B" and put it on the back burner for now, okay?

But seriously, like I said, I have directly told them, in no uncertain terms, that I'm not gay. I've explained I wear that shirt because it's what I happen to grab in the morning and that I'm not trying to hint something, that I'm taking that class because I'm a history major and am taking as many history classes as I can (I'm also in Indian History, but do they think I'm Indian? Noooo, cause that'd be too easy), that I went to the rally because you don't need to be a part of a discriminated minority to support them in a struggle for equality ("First they came for the communists..." has just been ringing in my ears for a long time), etc.

My mom's response: "But if you were gay, we'd be fine with it."
Fassitude
10-04-2008, 02:52
What does it matter?
Knights of Liberty
10-04-2008, 02:52
Huh...let's just label this "Plan B" and put it on the back burner for now, okay?

But seriously, like I said, I have directly told them, in no uncertain terms, that I'm not gay. I've explained I wear that shirt because it's what I happen to grab in the morning and that I'm not trying to hint something, that I'm taking that class because I'm a history major and am taking as many history classes as I can (I'm also in Indian History, but do they think I'm Indian? Noooo, cause that'd be too easy), that I went to the rally because you don't need to be a part of a discriminated minority to support them in a struggle for equality ("First they came for the communists..." has just been ringing in my ears for a long time), etc.

My mom's response: "But if you were gay, we'd be fine with it."


My plan (AND I WAS THE FIRST TO POST IT!!!:p) is still the best. It works like this:

Step One: Have a slutty friend, preferablly a hot one
Step Two: Bring said slutty friend home to meet parents
Step Three: Undress slutty friend in the middle of your living room
Step Four: Screw slutty friend's brains out in no less than 4 different positions before climax. Make sure she is a screamer, so that if your parents are not present at the time, they soon will be.
Step 5: Repeat as needed.
Knights of Liberty
10-04-2008, 02:53
What does it matter?

Because he doesnt want his parents to think hes something hes not?
Lunatic Goofballs
10-04-2008, 02:55
Because he doesnt want his parents to think hes something hes not?

That would imply that there's something to be.
Knights of Liberty
10-04-2008, 02:56
That would imply that there's something to be.

que?
Mad hatters in jeans
10-04-2008, 02:56
That would imply that there's something to be.

I'd like to be
under the sea
in an octopuses garden
in the shade.
EDIT: a ha it was a Beatles song, i knew it!
Lunatic Goofballs
10-04-2008, 02:58
que?

That's just my way of expressing my disdain for labeling people based on boinking trends.
Knights of Liberty
10-04-2008, 02:59
That's just my way of expressing my disdain for labeling people based on boinking trends.

Oh. Well, yeah I guess. I didnt know any other way to say what Im trying to say, that is its not unusual for someone to want their parents to see how they really are...orsumfin.
Mad hatters in jeans
10-04-2008, 03:01
Oh. Well, yeah I guess. I didnt know any other way to say what Im trying to say, that is its not unusual for someone to want their parents to see how they really are...orsumfin.

Or they might be trying to be something they want to be but are in fact something they cannot be because that's not who they are.
um...what?
Barringtonia
10-04-2008, 03:02
What does it matter?

It probably matters because he's projecting - he's the one who's actually worried.

To Klonor - maybe they're really excited at the prospect you're gay, it'll make them this season's darlings on the social circuit.
Thumbless Pete Crabbe
10-04-2008, 03:02
So, what can I do?

http://masterkelly.com/links/images/meatwad-leather.jpg
Fassitude
10-04-2008, 03:03
My mom's response: "But if you were gay, we'd be fine with it."

So, that's what you leave it at. There is nothing that you can do or say as a straight person to convince them that you're straight that a gay person couldn't if they really want to believe you're gay. There are no words or actions solely straight and beyond the ability of a gay person. No exclusively straight shibboleth.

So, in the end I have to ask again, what does it matter what they believe? You'll have to live with their doubts and they'll have to live with your pesky future girlfriends/wives.
Klonor
10-04-2008, 03:03
I'd like to be
under the sea
in an octopuses garden
in the shade.
EDIT: a ha it was a Beatles song, i knew it!

He'd let us in....
Knows where we've been....
In an octopuses garden....
In the rain
(Lies beneath the open waves)
Thumbless Pete Crabbe
10-04-2008, 03:03
It probably matters because he's projecting - he's the one who's actually worried.

That's the first time in a *long* time I've seen someone use that term correctly online. *Gives medal* :)
Igneria
10-04-2008, 03:04
have you ever considered your parents don't think your gay?
Bann-ed
10-04-2008, 03:04
What does it matter?

Because just like this man (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hksil-KkebQ), he may not actually be gay.

I wouldn't want people constantly thinking I'm Irish just because I have reddish hair.
Lunatic Goofballs
10-04-2008, 03:05
http://masterkelly.com/links/images/meatwad-leather.jpg

Win.
Mad hatters in jeans
10-04-2008, 03:06
He'd let us in....
Knows where we've been....
In an octopuses garden....
In the rain
(Lies beneath the open waves)

I'd ask my friends to come and see
An octopus's garden with me
I'd like to be under the sea
In an octopus's garden in the shade
Klonor
10-04-2008, 03:06
Win.

Seconded
Mad hatters in jeans
10-04-2008, 03:08
Seconded

threesomed. i mean thirded.
I'm not projecting anything.honest.


:)
Fassitude
10-04-2008, 03:08
Because he may not actually be gay.

Well, duh. That doesn't answer my question, though.
Klonor
10-04-2008, 03:09
I'd ask my friends to come and see
An octopus's garden with me
I'd like to be under the sea
In an octopus's garden in the shade

He....uh.....we'd....I heard the news today....ah, crap. Sorry, but that's all I could grab from memory, I seem to have slipped into A Day in the Life
Lunatic Goofballs
10-04-2008, 03:09
Because just like this man (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hksil-KkebQ), he may not actually be gay.

I wouldn't want people constantly thinking I'm Irish just because I have reddish hair.

I can only add one thing to this:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/4248/saturday-night-live-george-michael-impression

:)
Bann-ed
10-04-2008, 03:10
Well, duh. That doesn't answer my question, though.

That's why I linked to the Wham video.
Mad hatters in jeans
10-04-2008, 03:11
He....uh.....we'd....I heard the news today....ah, crap. Sorry, but that's all I could grab from memory, I seem to have slipped into A Day in the Life

well i googled it first.:D
i was just going along with the lyrics, pretty good eh?
Fassitude
10-04-2008, 03:11
http://www.hulu.com/watch/4248/saturday-night-live-george-michael-impression

Q : Why can't I watch your videos from outside the U.S.?

For now, Hulu is a U.S. service only. That said, our intention is to make Hulu's growing content lineup available worldwide. This requires clearing the rights for each show or film in each specific geography and will take time. We're encouraged by how many content providers have already been working along these lines so that their programs can be available over the Internet to a much larger, global audience. The Hulu team is committed to making great programming available across the globe.
Klonor
10-04-2008, 03:12
Well, duh. That doesn't answer my question, though.

To seriously answer your question, it's not because I any way feel insulted by this, and I don't feel that my parents are mistreating me as a result, but I'm a person who likes people to understand me the way I really am. I fully admit my flaws, and my strengths, so that people have an accurate picture of me. If my parents think I'm gay it means that they're seeing what they think, not what's real, and I like to be seen for who and what I am. That includes being a bit of a jackass, and pedantic, and annoying, etc. but it's me.

Plus, my parents friends have some foxy offspring, and if they think I'm gay my chances for a setup are slowly shrinking to nil.
Fassitude
10-04-2008, 03:12
That's why I linked to the Wham video.

It doesn't add much, I have to avow.
Knights of Liberty
10-04-2008, 03:13
Plus, my parents friends have some foxy offspring, and if they think I'm gay my chances for a setup are slowly shrinking to nil.

Ok, there is your potentially slutty friend. Now get to steps 2-5.
Intangelon
10-04-2008, 03:14
Huh...let's just label this "Plan B" and put it on the back burner for now, okay?

But seriously, like I said, I have directly told them, in no uncertain terms, that I'm not gay. I've explained I wear that shirt because it's what I happen to grab in the morning and that I'm not trying to hint something, that I'm taking that class because I'm a history major and am taking as many history classes as I can (I'm also in Indian History, but do they think I'm Indian? Noooo, cause that'd be too easy), that I went to the rally because you don't need to be a part of a discriminated minority to support them in a struggle for equality ("First they came for the communists..." has just been ringing in my ears for a long time), etc.

My mom's response: "But if you were gay, we'd be fine with it."

Answered by:

So, that's what you leave it at. There is nothing that you can do or say as a straight person to convince them that you're straight that a gay person couldn't if they really want to believe you're gay. There are no words or actions solely straight and beyond the ability of a gay person. No exclusively straight shibboleth.

So, in the end I have to ask again, what does it matter what they believe? You'll have to live with their doubts and they'll have to live with your pesky future girlfriends/wives.

I can only add my version of Fass' post, which is this:

What's the problem?
Fassitude
10-04-2008, 03:15
To seriously answer your question, it's not because I any way feel insulted by this, and I don't feel that my parents are mistreating me as a result, but I'm a person who likes people to understand me the way I really am. I fully admit my flaws, and my strengths, so that people have an accurate picture of me. If my parents think I'm gay it means that they're seeing what they think, not what's real, and I like to be seen for who and what I am. That includes being a bit of a jackass, and pedantic, and annoying, etc. but it's me.

Then, as I said, there is nothing you can do other than get over it. If they want to believe you're gay and they don't trust you when you say you're not, then no amount of denial will help you. Just look at Tom Cruise. The more he litigates, the more cock we know he sucks.

Plus, my parents friends have some foxy offspring, and if they think I'm gay my chances for a setup are slowly shrinking to nil.

Why rely on a setup?
Klonor
10-04-2008, 03:15
It doesn't add much, I have to avow.

Actually, believe it or not, it does. A few years back the music video was showing on some early morning TV show, and I was rocking along with it, and my roommate gave me a look I hadn't seen in years. I turn to look at the screen and, hot damn, I was doing the same freaking dance as the guy singing. I still shudder.
Lunatic Goofballs
10-04-2008, 03:17
Q : Why can't I watch your videos from outside the U.S.?

For now, Hulu is a U.S. service only. That said, our intention is to make Hulu's growing content lineup available worldwide. This requires clearing the rights for each show or film in each specific geography and will take time. We're encouraged by how many content providers have already been working along these lines so that their programs can be available over the Internet to a much larger, global audience. The Hulu team is committed to making great programming available across the globe.

Hell, that just about sucks. For some reason, I can't view the same video at AOL's video site. Maybe you can: http://video.aol.com/partner/hulu/saturday-night-live-george-michael-impression/ZvDlIbKhsJTZl2gDK5zhaBRrEpzFh_eq

I'm also irritated that I can't find the rest of it, because the skit only gets better as he goes off on a rant about the mystical perfection of his butt.
Bann-ed
10-04-2008, 03:17
It doesn't add much, I have to avow.

I'm not ashamed to admit it was only an attempt to distract you anyway.
Fassitude
10-04-2008, 03:20
Hell, that just about sucks. For some reason, I can't view the same video at AOL's video site. Maybe you can: http://video.aol.com/partner/hulu/saturday-night-live-george-michael-impression/ZvDlIbKhsJTZl2gDK5zhaBRrEpzFh_eq

Since that page tries to get its video content from hulu, non-USA inhabitants seem to remain blocked.
Fassitude
10-04-2008, 03:20
I'm not ashamed to admit it was only an attempt to distract you anyway.

With George Michael? Not my bag, at least not pre-Older and post-Outside.
Bann-ed
10-04-2008, 03:20
Actually, believe it or not, it does. A few years back the music video was showing on some early morning TV show, and I was rocking along with it, and my roommate gave me a look I hadn't seen in years.
Question: What kind of look? ;)

I turn to look at the screen and, hot damn, I was doing the same freaking dance as the guy singing. I still shudder.

Statement: I agree with your parents.
Fassitude
10-04-2008, 03:22
Actually, believe it or not, it does. A few years back the music video was showing on some early morning TV show, and I was rocking along with it, and my roommate gave me a look I hadn't seen in years. I turn to look at the screen and, hot damn, I was doing the same freaking dance as the guy singing. I still shudder.

That strikes me as random to the topic at hand. Lots of white geeks like to dance along to that song in secrecy.
Thumbless Pete Crabbe
10-04-2008, 03:25
If they want to believe you're gay and they don't trust you when you say you're not, then no amount of denial will help you. Just look at Tom Cruise. The more he litigates, the more cock we know he sucks.


Hah! :p Although if I'm not mistaken, filing frivilous lawsuits is the first commandment of Scientology, so he's got that defense.

Win.

Woah. I'm a bit honored, there. Thanks! :)
Lunatic Goofballs
10-04-2008, 03:25
Since that page tries to get its video content from hulu, non-USA inhabitants seem to remain blocked.

Argh.

Here's the transcripted text of a second interview to give you an idea:

Dennis Miller: You know, the Grammys were held Wednesday evening and George Michael failed to show up to collect his award for Album of the Year. But he's here tonight to tell us why. George Michael.

George Michael: [leather jacket, shades, British accent] All right, all right. Thank you. [cheers and applause] Faith. Thank you. Thank you, Dennis. You know, I've been rather busy lately, you know, starting work on the new album and filming videos, you know. Well, appearance is very important, as you know. Hair - is important. Face. And, of course, butt.

Dennis Miller: Well, George, if you're so concerned with your image, why were you a no-show at the Grammys?

George Michael: Butt maintenance is very important. And, in fact, that is why I missed the telly-cast. I began preparing my butt a full forty-eight hours before the Grammys. I did a mineral pre-soak. I plucked it, waxed it, buffed it. And, as I was applying the sealant, I looked up and Billy Crystal was saying, "Good night!"

Dennis Miller: Let's get back to your work, George. What about your new album?

George Michael: But - but look at it. Look at it. [rises, shows butt to Dennis] Don't - don't be afraid of it, Dennis. Don't deny it. Look at it. [wiggles butt] It's a nice butt. Look at it. It won't hurt you, Dennis. It's your friend.

Dennis Miller: Yeah. I know, George, I know, I know.

George Michael: [sits] You fear my butt because you don't understand it. You resist it like all the others before you, yet its power only grows. ...

Dennis Miller: Have you spoken to Andy Ridgeley lately?

George Michael: What about my butt?! [rises, shows butt to Dennis] Look at it! You can't take your eyes off it, can you?! [Dennis stares deadpan at the wiggling butt, occasionally glancing at the audience] It's hypnotic! Try to look away! You can't look away! Try to look away! You can't! Look at it! Look at it! [sits] Did you know - did you know, Dennis, that my butt has the power to heal? Put a wilted flower near my butt. It blooms! I don't claim to understand it, I'm only its servant!

Dennis Miller: George. George, man, let's get off the butt thing--

George Michael: Dennis, my butt will not be trifled with! [rises, shows butt to Dennis] Do its bidding, Dennis! Save yourself! Resist and die! Surrender and live eternally! My butt will prevail! It will outlive us all! For I have achieved perfect buttness! [cheers, applause and whistling as George Michael rises and rips off his microphone - he and his butt exit]

Dennis Miller: [after a pause] Bummer.


I thought the Internet had no borders. :mad:
Bann-ed
10-04-2008, 03:26
With George Michael? Not my bag, at least not pre-Older and post-Outside.
I can't win all the time.
That strikes me as random to the topic at hand. Lots of white geeks like to dance along to that song in secrecy.

Hrm.. it is rather catchy.

*starts waving hands, snapping fingers, and skipping about*
Klonor
10-04-2008, 03:27
Question: What kind of look? ;)



Statement: I agree with your parents.

It was actually a look I myself had sported back in High School when my dance class, which was solid whiteness, attempted to perform the dance to Thriller in a small, mirrored room. Infinite regression. Sometimes I wake up screaming.
Fassitude
10-04-2008, 03:28
I can't win all the time.

Some of the time would be nice.

Hrm.. it is rather catchy.

*starts waving hands, snapping fingers, and skipping about*

Go Carlton, go Carlton!
Bann-ed
10-04-2008, 03:29
It was actually a look I myself had sported back in High School when my dance class, which was solid whiteness, attempted to perform the dance to Thriller in a small, mirrored room. Infinite regression. Sometimes I wake up screaming.

By Merlin's beard!

*sends you some pity*
Klonor
10-04-2008, 03:31
If only that were enough...if only....*sob*
Bann-ed
10-04-2008, 03:31
Some of the time would be nice.

I don't want to give up my image as a 'cool dude'.
Go Carlton, go Carlton!
It seems I have achieved immunity through ignorance.
Fassitude
10-04-2008, 03:31
Argh.

Here's the transcripted text of a second interview to give you an idea:

I guess a lot is lost in transcription.

I thought the Internet had no borders. :mad:

This aren't the 90s, Vanilla Ice.
Fassitude
10-04-2008, 03:33
I don't want to give up my image as a 'cool dude'.

Heaven forfend.

It seems I have achieved immunity through ignorance.

Nostalgia. (http://www.metacafe.com/watch/491871/famous_carlton_dance/)
Klonor
10-04-2008, 03:35
It was he who introduced me to the glory of Tom Jones, he shall not be forgotten.
Bann-ed
10-04-2008, 03:36
Heaven forfend.
Knew you would understand.
Nostalgia. (http://www.metacafe.com/watch/491871/famous_carlton_dance/)
I'm not quite that coordinated.
Lunatic Goofballs
10-04-2008, 03:37
I guess a lot is lost in transcription.

Quite a bit. And the first interview was also better because it wasn't as forced.

If only I had the power to will video clips to materialize on youtube. :(
Vetalia
10-04-2008, 03:41
Just do what I did and accidentally leave some porn lying around.
Klonor
10-04-2008, 03:43
Holy crap, is that a double post? I haven't seen one of those in years. Now that brings up some nostalgic memories. Remember the old forums? Where everybody thought I was a woman and people seemed to freak when I mentioned I was Jewish. Good times.
Bann-ed
10-04-2008, 03:47
Holy crap, is that a double post? I haven't seen one of those in years. Now that brings up some nostalgic memories. Remember the old forums? Where everybody thought I was a woman and people seemed to freak when I mentioned I was Jewish. Good times.

Ahhh.. middle-aged women and their nostalgia..

Wait.. you're Jewish? Like the ones that killed all those Germans during WWII and the Holofraud? *trolls thread*
Lunatic Goofballs
10-04-2008, 03:49
Just do what I did and accidentally leave some porn lying around.

Yeah, but do you really want mom finding your copy of 'Plump'?

((is there a porn mag called 'Plump'? If not, there should be. That's a good name. Clearly I missed my calling: Naming porn magazines.))
Klonor
10-04-2008, 03:51
Plump? Uh....I don't know. Of course I don't know. Why would I know? Are you saying I should know?
Klonor
10-04-2008, 03:53
Ahhh.. middle-aged women and their nostalgia..

Wait.. you're Jewish? Like the ones that killed all those Germans during WWII and the Holofraud? *trolls thread*

Nah, see you've fallen prey to the Illuminati propoganda, just like everybody else. What we did was have a pact with Hitler to smuggle our young fighting men into Palestine for our eventual takeover of the Middle East.
Lunatic Goofballs
10-04-2008, 03:54
Plump? Uh....I don't know. Of course I don't know. Why would I know? Are you saying I should know?

Methinks thou dost protest too strongly. *nod*
Klonor
10-04-2008, 04:01
Methinks thy doth doith some...tith....crap.

Can we start over? I think I lost my groove.
Vetalia
10-04-2008, 04:01
Yeah, but do you really want mom finding your copy of 'Plump'?

((is there a porn mag called 'Plump'? If not, there should be. That's a good name. Clearly I missed my calling: Naming porn magazines.))

Uh, there were some things that were very plump on the model in question...
RhynoD
10-04-2008, 04:05
http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20060830.gif
Callisdrun
10-04-2008, 04:19
Here is the situation: I'm pretty sure my parents think I'm gay. It's actually rather understandable, I've never brought home a girlfriend to meet them, I went to my prom with a group of friends without even trying to find a serious date first, and I once asked my mom "What would you do if I told you I was gay?" (I think that might have been what did it), but I'm quite sure that I am, in fact, straight. It's never really even been a question for me, I've always been confident in my heterosexuality, but I suppose that my frequent involvement with gay-themed activities (I'm taking a Gay & Lesbian History course, took part in a pride rally on campus recently, etc.) has given my parents the wrong idea. Don't get me wrong, it's never been any sort of issue, they've never made accusations or condemnations, and I'm pretty sure that if I did tell them I was gay they'd be perfectly fine with it (As long as I married nice Jewish man, preferably a doctor, even my grandparents would be fine with it), but it's a little unnerving to constantly feel like they're watching me out of the corner of their eyes.

My mother, I think, is the one who's a bit more sure that I'm gay. I think that she thinks I'm either gay and in denial, refusing to admit it to myself, or that I'm gay and am lying to her and my dad (Why? I don't know, maybe she thinks I think they won't accept me or something like that). My dad doesn't so much think I'm gay as he is worried that I'm gay. He's always on the lookout for little clues, and he's always a little too excited when I do or say something to tell him I'm straight (My facebook profile, for example, made him very happy when he saw that I'd selected I was interested in women), as if he's teetering on the edge and dreading that one day he'll walk into my room and find a Playgirl magazine stuffed in one of my drawers.

So, what can I do? I have come out and directly told them that I'm straight, but like I said, my mom thinks I'm in denial/lying, and my dad is still waiting to actually catch me in the act. Apart from letting them catch me in bed with some random woman, and I've actually seriously considered that just to get this whole thing over with, I can't think of anything to do to finally convince them to let it go.

Hmmm....maybe if I stop wearing the shirt that says "gay? fine by me" every time I go home (Honestly, I just wear the first shirt I grab in the mornings, but somehow it always seems to be what I'm wearing when I haven't seen them in a few months).

1. Find a ladyfriend.
2. Do your best to get caught having really loud, raunchy, awesome sex with said female by one of your parents.
3. ??????
4. PROFIT!!!
Snafturi
10-04-2008, 04:21
Maybe your parents know something you don't?
Klonor
10-04-2008, 04:21
1. Find a ladyfriend.
2. Do your best to get caught having really loud, raunchy, awesome sex with said female by one of your parents.
3. ??????
4. PROFIT!!!

You know, when you put it like that, suddenly I'm intrigued. Now we just need to get those damn gnomes to fill in the rest of the chart.
Callisdrun
10-04-2008, 04:23
You know, when you put it like that, suddenly I'm intrigued. Now we just need to get those damn gnomes to fill in the rest of the chart.

Well, I just think that your mom walking in on you having very obvious sex with a female is definite proof that you're not gay. She will probably never bring up the subject again, in fact. And it will make a fun story. A story that you will then post on the forum... amirite?
Bann-ed
10-04-2008, 04:24
Well, I just think that your mom walking in on you having very obvious sex with a female is definite proof that you're not gay. She will probably never bring up the subject again, in fact. And it will make a fun story. A story that you will then post on the forum... amirite?

A story that would be useless . . .

without pics!
Copiosa Scotia
10-04-2008, 04:24
Just do what I did and accidentally leave some porn lying around.

This is probably a better idea than the variations on "get caught having sex."
Bann-ed
10-04-2008, 04:25
This is probably a better idea than the variations on "get caught having sex."

One could always compromise and get caught having sex with the porn that's lying around.
RhynoD
10-04-2008, 04:25
A story that would be useless . . .

without pics!

Bad idea (http://thewickedpinto.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/fat-guy-2.jpg), dammit.
Bann-ed
10-04-2008, 04:27
Bad idea (http://thewickedpinto.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/fat-guy-2.jpg), dammit.

I had a sinking feeling the moment I saw your name. I mean.. the moment I saw a link with your name to the left of the post...uh... and I have no idea what possessed me to click on the link. No idea. But it was a most foul and torturous demon, surely.
Callisdrun
10-04-2008, 04:29
This is probably a better idea than the variations on "get caught having sex."

Only to someone with no sense of humor.
RhynoD
10-04-2008, 04:31
I had a sinking feeling the moment I saw your name. I mean.. the moment I saw a link with your name to the left of the post...uh... and I have no idea what possessed me to click on the link. No idea. But it was a most foul and torturous demon, surely.

Sooner or later people will learn to stop asking for pics. It's like they expect everyone to look like this (http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o250/Redmango88/425636_large.jpg).
For more mental damage, imagine those two having sex...
Klonor
10-04-2008, 04:32
Nah, my dad caught me with a Playboy way back when (I must have been around 14 or so...Jesus, I'm getting old), and this Penthouse I bought back when it was still scary/cool to actually buy porn went missing from my room a few years ago, so I figure they're aware of my porn habit.

I know what you're thinking, if actually finding porn won't convince them I'm straight, what will? That's just it, I don't know, hence this thread.

Or you might be thinking that they don't actually think I'm gay, and my subconcious is trying to tell me something which I'm denying, but I just don't quite feel that one. In all frankness, naked women cause a certain..uh....let's just call it a "reaction," and naked men have kinda the opposite effect.

Of course, it could just be that it's only a certain kind of man that causes that other reaction, and if so I just need to find the right one, but let's not go there, okay? If it turns out I really am in denial I'd prefer to stay there, I have long enjoyed the bliss of ignorance, and I see no reason to leave now.

EDIT: Oh, and I didn't click on either link. For those who did: What the hell were you thinking? Seriously people, who the hell clicks on a picture link from NS General? It's just not natural.
Copiosa Scotia
10-04-2008, 04:32
One could always compromise and get caught having sex with the porn that's lying around.

Also a possibility. :D

Seriously though, my thinking is that it's far from unheard of for gay guys have sex with women in order to keep up appearances, and that makes sense because that sex inherently involves at least one other person; however, it'd make no sense to keep up appearances by jerking off to straight porn, because that's generally a completely private act. (No one needs to point out to me that there are exceptions to this.)

Edit: Just saw Klonor's post. Damn, that's out. Although I guess it might not hurt to give them an update... y'know, "Yep, here's his porn, definitely still likes women."
RhynoD
10-04-2008, 04:35
Dunno if this has been suggested before, but you can always fuck with them:

Bring some cute guy with you, especially if you can go with the stereotypical hot Hispanic guy or something, and ask your parents if you can talk to them... Sit them down and everything, tell them that you have something important get off your chest. And then tell them you are completely straight and would they like to meet your good friend Juan.

Note, this may actually backfire. But it would be funny as hell.
Klonor
10-04-2008, 04:40
Oooooooh, that is actually an appealing idea. Maybe when I head for the summer I'll bring Carlos for dinner http://209.85.12.231/595/43/upload/p2115297.gif
RhynoD
10-04-2008, 04:44
Mom, Dad...this is Carlos. I have something really important to tell you...

I am completely straight. Yeah, no, gay butt sex, really not my thing. Oh, yeah, Carlos is just a friend of mine. I'm actually banging his hot sister. Can you pass the gravy?
United Chicken Kleptos
10-04-2008, 05:20
Have sex with your mother.

I think that'll just create more problems...
Philosopy
10-04-2008, 09:33
Don't get me wrong, it's never been any sort of issue, they've never made accusations or condemnations, and I'm pretty sure that if I did tell them I was gay they'd be perfectly fine with it

If they don't care if you are gay, and they don't care if you're not, then why does it matter?

You've told them that you're straight. Unless you think there is a problem with being labeled gay, it shouldn't really be any more of an issue.
Bm90
10-04-2008, 09:35
Show them this thread?
Risottia
10-04-2008, 09:39
I've always been confident in my heterosexuality, but I suppose that my frequent involvement with gay-themed activities (I'm taking a Gay & Lesbian History course, took part in a pride rally on campus recently, etc.) has given my parents the wrong idea.

...heh, you're halfway there.;)

Anyway, having an orgy with all of your female cousins in front of your parents might provide them with a reliable hint about your heterosexuality.
Dundee-Fienn
10-04-2008, 09:42
If they don't care if you are gay, and they don't care if you're not, then why does it matter?

You've told them that you're straight. Unless you think there is a problem with being labeled gay, it shouldn't really be any more of an issue.

I think this question has already been addressed

To seriously answer your question, it's not because I any way feel insulted by this, and I don't feel that my parents are mistreating me as a result, but I'm a person who likes people to understand me the way I really am. I fully admit my flaws, and my strengths, so that people have an accurate picture of me. If my parents think I'm gay it means that they're seeing what they think, not what's real, and I like to be seen for who and what I am. That includes being a bit of a jackass, and pedantic, and annoying, etc. but it's me.

Plus, my parents friends have some foxy offspring, and if they think I'm gay my chances for a setup are slowly shrinking to nil.
United Beleriand
10-04-2008, 09:43
... but I'm quite sure that I am, in fact, straight. ...how quite?? :p
Philosopy
10-04-2008, 09:45
I think this question has already been addressed

By post 92, it should have been addressed at least three times already, and so I was well within my rights to start it on its fourth round of posts.
United Beleriand
10-04-2008, 09:46
Because he doesnt want his parents to think hes something hes not?Who gives a wet fart what parents think?
Ifreann
10-04-2008, 10:45
I don't really tell my parents anything about who I like to put my penis in, but maybe I'm just weird like that.
Philosopy
10-04-2008, 11:10
I don't really tell my parents anything about who I like to put my penis in, but maybe I'm just weird like that.

You mean you don't invite them in to watch?

That is weird.
Bottle
10-04-2008, 13:00
Here is the situation:
*snipped for length*
When I was in high school, there were a number of years where my mom was pretty sure I was lesbian.

To be fair, I was fucking women at the time.

But I wasn't exclusively lesbian. My mom kind of hoped I was, and kept wanting to introduce me to so-and-so's very nice, very cute daughter. Her reasoning was, a lesbian partner is less likely to get my pregnant, give me an STD, or end up beating me. All valid reasons. I just happen to also like men.

I've never had a problem talking to my parents about sex, but I've always had a problem talking to them about ME having sex. So it was a bit tough for me to figure out how I should bring up this subject and explain that yes, I am attracted to women, but no, that doesn't seem to stop me from also being attracted to men.

In the end, the situation resolved itself when I started dating a guy exclusively. I brought him home to visit my folks over Thanksgiving, and they got the message that he and I were pretty serious. One night my mom and I were sitting around together and she asked me if this meant I had decided I wasn't gay. I told her that I'd known I wasn't gay for a very long time...almost as long as I'd known I wasn't straight. She laughed and we were cool after that.

Honestly, the weirdest "coming out" that I had to do was to my kid brother. He's a decade younger than me, and one day he made a comment about how such-and-such was "so gay." Yeah, that shit was gonna have to stop. So I explained to him that calling something "gay" is asinine, particularly since he likes me and I'm often gay. He chewed on this for a few minutes, and then asked me if this meant I was breaking up with my boyfriend (of whom he is extremely fond). Once I reassured him that I wasn't, the matter seemed settled. Good to know where Kid Brother's priorities lie!
Whereyouthinkyougoing
10-04-2008, 13:08
I'm pretty sure that if I did tell them I was gay they'd be perfectly fine with it (As long as I married nice Jewish man, preferably a doctor, even my grandparents would be fine with it)
So late to the thread but that really made me laugh. Cute. :p
Nobel Hobos
10-04-2008, 13:58
*snip*

Plus, my parents friends have some foxy offspring, and if they think I'm gay my chances for a setup are slowly shrinking to nil.

Arranged marriage. Could be good for you. *nod*

==================

*snip coming-out to parents*

Honestly, the weirdest "coming out" that I had to do was to my kid brother. He's a decade younger than me, and one day he made a comment about how such-and-such was "so gay." Yeah, that shit was gonna have to stop. So I explained to him that calling something "gay" is asinine, particularly since he likes me and I'm often gay. He chewed on this for a few minutes, and then asked me if this meant I was breaking up with my boyfriend (of whom he is extremely fond). Once I reassured him that I wasn't, the matter seemed settled. Good to know where Kid Brother's priorities lie!

I'm trying to imagine what it would be like having an older sister.
And that she's ten years older than me, and correcting my slang with sudden forays into the subject of sex. I think that would have been really good.

Does he post here? :)
Klonor
10-04-2008, 14:20
how quite?? :p

Well, except for a brief moment (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13596511&postcount=45) a few years ago, I'm pretty sure. Like I said, for me it's always been rather simple, women make me feel certain feelings that I just don't get from men (Nothing against men, of course, I think they're a fine bunch, but they don't exactly float my boat). Maybe that will change some day, peoples tastes do change over time (When I was a little kid I used to hate hotdogs and hamburgers, and now I'm a frequent guest at my local greasy restaurant), but right now it's just not in the cards.
Big Jim P
10-04-2008, 14:58
Unless you are having sex with your parents, their opinion really doesn't matter.
Hotwife
10-04-2008, 15:47
The first thought that comes to mind is; Invite them to watch you fuck a girl.

But that doesn't really prove you're straight. SOme men have a wife and children before they stop bullshitting themselves.

So do what I do: Don't care. You really have nothing to prove to your parents and nothing to prove to yourself. Find people you enjoy and have sex with them. Should you find your one true soulmate, marry it. Simple.

I've gone through that shit all the time. Still do. Many people I know and have known for most of my life are still of the opinion that if you've ever had sex with a man... ever ever... then you must be gay. When discussing sexual preference, the word 'preference' seems to get lost in the shuffle.

So in conclusion, I don't see why you have to verify either label to your parents.

This thread is useless without pics of you having sex.
Knights of Liberty
10-04-2008, 16:16
You know, when you put it like that, suddenly I'm intrigued. Now we just need to get those damn gnomes to fill in the rest of the chart.

IVE ONLY ALEADY SAID THAT SEVERAL TIMES!!! :p
Barringtonia
10-04-2008, 16:16
This thread is useless without pics of you having sex.

As a n00b you probably haven't been to www.lghotsex.com (http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0)
Lunatic Goofballs
10-04-2008, 16:53
This thread is useless without pics of you having sex.

I would, but such a sudden and radical disturbance of your mind could cause irreparable harm. Much better to bend it slowly. :)
Klonor
10-04-2008, 17:01
I think we'd all be better off if we just backed away slowly. No sudden movements, no threatening behavior, let's just vacate the area and get a HAZMAT team in here as soon as we can.
Anti-Social Darwinism
10-04-2008, 17:02
Don't worry about it. As you get older, they'll outgrow it.
The Parkus Empire
10-04-2008, 17:07
Why do you care what they think? It is not as if there's anything wrong with that. :D

On a more a serious note: Is a t-shirt proclaiming your tolerance necessary?
Klonor
10-04-2008, 17:10
Not really, as I said I just wear it because it's a shirt which covers my torso and doesn't itch, I'm not trying to make any kind of statement with it. It was being passed out on my campus a few years ago, and to support a good cause, and get a free shirt, I grabbed one.
Dyakovo
10-04-2008, 17:33
Is a t-shirt proclaiming your tolerance necessary?

Why not?
Hard Water
10-04-2008, 18:29
You should bake them a cake. That will fix everything.
Yootopia
10-04-2008, 18:30
Masturbate into a lad's mag and leave it conspicuously on your bedroom floor, so when your mum comes in she gets something of a surprise. She'll hate you, but not for being gay!
RhynoD
10-04-2008, 18:31
This thread is useless without pics of you having sex.

Bad idea (http://thewickedpinto.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/fat-guy-2.jpg), dammit.

Someday you all will learn.
Tmutarakhan
10-04-2008, 18:31
Not really, as I said I just wear it because it's a shirt which covers my torso and doesn't itch, I'm not trying to make any kind of statement with it. It was being passed out on my campus a few years ago, and to support a good cause, and get a free shirt, I grabbed one.
I was going to suggest that you go get some more T-shirts, but I know, I know, you're not gay so you hate shopping?
The Parkus Empire
10-04-2008, 18:38
Why not?

Because it is pointless. I am not a Nazi, but I do not wear a shirt that says I am fine with Jews. I am all for homosexual's rights, women's rights, blacks rights, Jew's rights, ect. But I am against wearing a t-shirt advertising how open-minded and un-bigoted I am. If the the shirt proclaimed my tolerance in a humorous way, that would be something else.
Darkelton
10-04-2008, 18:42
Get a hooker. Bring her home. Make sure parents see said hooker. Have really loud sex with the hooker. Problem solved.
Karshkovia
10-04-2008, 19:12
ok, honestly it shouldn't matter but they are your folks and some people take that relationship pretty serious later in life. I know especially if you had a close relationship with them growing up that it is important to you that you have their approval, even if it's a matter of clearing up a misunderstanding.

Here are a few thoughts:

* Buy a few playboy, hustler, GSM, and Maxium mags and leave them around or stuffed into drawers that you KNOW they would look in and find.

* Get a girlfriend...or lacking that, a girl that is a serious friend that you spend your time with. Go out and spend time with just her (like a date but you and her do not have to classify it as such...just friends having fun..and if evolves so much the better)

* While around your folks, call a friend up and confirm your meeting later for beers/movie whatever... Then start discussing some girl you just saw/met at work or in public and how fine she is. Make sure your folks are nearby or can overhear the conversation but don't make it so they are in the same room..that looks too staged.

* Leave condoms in a drawer and an opened wrapper in your garbage.

* If you have slept with someone, they often leave a piece of clothing behind. In my case when I was living at home for my first year of college, my mother found my girlfriend's underwear under my bed. While they were pretty happy about it, I did get 'the talk' from dad. Still might be something to think about in your case. I have been told a bra works too.

* Next time you are with your folks, ask if you could cut out early as you have a date with a GIRL from work/school or she is a mutual friend of one of your other friends which is how you met her.

* If you don't have a car and your folks do, ask if you could borrow it for a date with girl...(same as above).

* As your parents if there are any cute, single women that are working with them at work (my mother is retired but she used to be a secretary...and many of the other secretarys were young and right out of college. Got a few dates that way)

* When in public with your folks, watch some hot woman walk by and stare, and let your mom or dad catch you staring. Add 'wow' or 'she was hot' under your breath with a shake of your head.

* Flirt with some woman and get caught by your folks.

* If you know your parents are going to be over at 6PM, call some gal up and have her come over and watch a movie with you (or do some project) at 4:30 or 5pm. When your folks stop over, ONLY you and she are there. You don't have to be cuddling but it would help.

Just a few ideas off the top of my head...
Neo Bretonnia
10-04-2008, 19:36
"Hey Mom, Dad... I'm not gay."
Klonor
10-04-2008, 19:51
"Hey Mom, Dad... I'm not gay."

If only it were that simple
Damor
10-04-2008, 19:53
Plus, my parents friends have some foxy offspring, and if they think I'm gay my chances for a setup are slowly shrinking to nil.Well, in that case, why not ask your parents whether they know if said foxy offspring is single. That should give them a hint you're interested. You could go a step further and ask them to set you up.
Dyakovo
10-04-2008, 19:56
Because it is pointless. I am not a Nazi, but I do not wear a shirt that says I am fine with Jews. I am all for homosexual's rights, women's rights, blacks rights, Jew's rights, ect. But I am against wearing a t-shirt advertising how open-minded and un-bigoted I am. If the the shirt proclaimed my tolerance in a humorous way, that would be something else.

Fair enough.
Nanatsu no Tsuki
10-04-2008, 20:21
Here is the situation: I'm pretty sure my parents think I'm gay. It's actually rather understandable, I've never brought home a girlfriend to meet them, I went to my prom with a group of friends without even trying to find a serious date first, and I once asked my mom "What would you do if I told you I was gay?" (I think that might have been what did it), but I'm quite sure that I am, in fact, straight. It's never really even been a question for me, I've always been confident in my heterosexuality, but I suppose that my frequent involvement with gay-themed activities (I'm taking a Gay & Lesbian History course, took part in a pride rally on campus recently, etc.) has given my parents the wrong idea. Don't get me wrong, it's never been any sort of issue, they've never made accusations or condemnations, and I'm pretty sure that if I did tell them I was gay they'd be perfectly fine with it (As long as I married nice Jewish man, preferably a doctor, even my grandparents would be fine with it), but it's a little unnerving to constantly feel like they're watching me out of the corner of their eyes.

My mother, I think, is the one who's a bit more sure that I'm gay. I think that she thinks I'm either gay and in denial, refusing to admit it to myself, or that I'm gay and am lying to her and my dad (Why? I don't know, maybe she thinks I think they won't accept me or something like that). My dad doesn't so much think I'm gay as he is worried that I'm gay. He's always on the lookout for little clues, and he's always a little too excited when I do or say something to tell him I'm straight (My facebook profile, for example, made him very happy when he saw that I'd selected I was interested in women), as if he's teetering on the edge and dreading that one day he'll walk into my room and find a Playgirl magazine stuffed in one of my drawers.

So, what can I do? I have come out and directly told them that I'm straight, but like I said, my mom thinks I'm in denial/lying, and my dad is still waiting to actually catch me in the act. Apart from letting them catch me in bed with some random woman, and I've actually seriously considered that just to get this whole thing over with, I can't think of anything to do to finally convince them to let it go.

Hmmm....maybe if I stop wearing the shirt that says "gay? fine by me" every time I go home (Honestly, I just wear the first shirt I grab in the mornings, but somehow it always seems to be what I'm wearing when I haven't seen them in a few months).

Try this!
http://www.joeydevilla.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/mr_garrison_not_gay.jpg

J/K!;)
Neo Bretonnia
10-04-2008, 20:23
If only it were that simple

I know I'm just being facetious.

In all seriousness, it sounds like there's a breakdown in communication between you and your parents. I mean, if saying "Hey, mom and dad can we talk about something?" And then just lay it out there, that should at least get the ball rolling. If they've spent years convincing themselves that you're gay then the solution isn't going to be overnight, but once you establish that communication and trust then the rest will attend to itself.
Klonor
10-04-2008, 20:26
Except that I first told them definitively that I wasn't gay several months ago (It was back when I first began to suspect that they suspected I was gay), my mom's pretty heavily convinced that I'm either in denial or in the closet.
Damor
10-04-2008, 20:39
You could try convincing them you're bisexual as an intermediate solution.
Neo Bretonnia
10-04-2008, 20:42
Except that I first told them definitively that I wasn't gay several months ago (It was back when I first began to suspect that they suspected I was gay), my mom's pretty heavily convinced that I'm either in denial or in the closet.

I know but like I said this isn't an overnight fix. Keep the communication lines open and don't give up on her.
The Lone Alliance
10-04-2008, 21:32
Say that you want to be a woman, then they'd be certain you aren't gay.

Then they'll just think he's trangender and start buying dresses or offer to pay for the 'operation'.
Tmutarakhan
10-04-2008, 21:34
Then they'll just think he's trangender and start buying dresses or offer to pay for the 'operation'.

Which could also be a problem with this suggestion:
* If you have slept with someone, they often leave a piece of clothing behind. In my case when I was living at home for my first year of college, my mother found my girlfriend's underwear under my bed. While they were pretty happy about it, I did get 'the talk' from dad. Still might be something to think about in your case. I have been told a bra works too.
VietnamSounds
10-04-2008, 21:45
If I were you I'd explain to them how it shows a lack of compassion to assume anyone who stands up for an oppressed minority must be a member of that minority themselves. I don't know what your parents are like though, if you act accusatory it might just piss them off.

I think people suspect me of being a lesbian because I'm not desperate to get married and I support gay rights. When I started painting my nails my mom said she was glad because she was worried I was a lesbian. It's annoying. I don't see what nails have to do with it anyway.
Tmutarakhan
10-04-2008, 22:17
When I started painting my nails my mom said she was glad because she was worried I was a lesbian. It's annoying. I don't see what nails have to do with it anyway.
But it worked, though... Hey, that's a great idea! He should start painting his nails!
Callisdrun
11-04-2008, 00:42
When I was in high school, there were a number of years where my mom was pretty sure I was lesbian.

To be fair, I was fucking women at the time.

But I wasn't exclusively lesbian. My mom kind of hoped I was, and kept wanting to introduce me to so-and-so's very nice, very cute daughter. Her reasoning was, a lesbian partner is less likely to get my pregnant, give me an STD, or end up beating me. All valid reasons. I just happen to also like men.

I've never had a problem talking to my parents about sex, but I've always had a problem talking to them about ME having sex. So it was a bit tough for me to figure out how I should bring up this subject and explain that yes, I am attracted to women, but no, that doesn't seem to stop me from also being attracted to men.

In the end, the situation resolved itself when I started dating a guy exclusively. I brought him home to visit my folks over Thanksgiving, and they got the message that he and I were pretty serious. One night my mom and I were sitting around together and she asked me if this meant I had decided I wasn't gay. I told her that I'd known I wasn't gay for a very long time...almost as long as I'd known I wasn't straight. She laughed and we were cool after that.

Honestly, the weirdest "coming out" that I had to do was to my kid brother. He's a decade younger than me, and one day he made a comment about how such-and-such was "so gay." Yeah, that shit was gonna have to stop. So I explained to him that calling something "gay" is asinine, particularly since he likes me and I'm often gay. He chewed on this for a few minutes, and then asked me if this meant I was breaking up with my boyfriend (of whom he is extremely fond). Once I reassured him that I wasn't, the matter seemed settled. Good to know where Kid Brother's priorities lie!

Awww.... that's really cute in a way, that that was the major concern of his.
Steel Butterfly
11-04-2008, 02:30
snip

Sorry if this isn't creative...but I'm really not trying to be funny. Why don't you bring home a girl? Or if it really matters just do stereotypical "straight" things.

I don't get that anyhow. I go to the gym constantly, shave much more of my body than my face, have gotten more than my eyebrows waxed, tan in tanning beds with tanning lotion, appreciate opera and musical theatre (and have participated), wear nice, fashionable clothes, and put gel in my hair. And while I'm not at all, not one person has ever seriously thought I was gay. Not even gay guys.

Klonor, you must really act like a queen (not that it's a bad thing and no offense man...but still) if people think you are gay that often.
Non Aligned States
11-04-2008, 02:45
Except that I first told them definitively that I wasn't gay several months ago (It was back when I first began to suspect that they suspected I was gay), my mom's pretty heavily convinced that I'm either in denial or in the closet.

Hide in your mother's closet. When she comes to put in her clothes, jump out and go "Ah ha! I've come out of the closet! I'm not gay!"
Winstanleys Diggers
11-04-2008, 03:02
you could always just get married, that settled it pretty much for my parents... of course i've know a lot of men who were married and had gay affairs, sometime even whole second lives so it doesn't really prove anything, but it might fool... i mean convince your parents.
Klonor
11-04-2008, 04:23
Klonor, you must really act like a queen (not that it's a bad thing and no offense man...but still) if people think you are gay that often.

Hey, it's not that often, just my parents...and my "known him since I was two" best friend, and some of the people in my G&L History class, and some people I work with...holy crap, whatever it is I'm doing must be pretty freaking out there.

But on a serious note, the obvious option of "bring home a date" isn't as easy as you'd expect. I haven't been involved in anything approaching a serious relationship since I was a freshman, and despite my super-awesomeness (And I am pretty super-awesome) it's a bit tricky to get a woman to volunteer for a three hour drive (each way) in order to visit my parents for half a weekend when we've both got a paper due the Monday afterwards. Plus, have you seen a Jewish family on one of the High Holidays? They're my blood and I dread these visits, I wouldn't expect somebody else to submit unless we were already picking out invitations and a floral pattern (Don't get me wrong, I'll love them until I die and will make it to every celebration possible, but I was actually serving as a valet on my birthday last week. I suppose I shouldn't really complain, it was a birthday party for my grandpa and I was glad to help him connect with his friends, but it was still weird to be going to somebody elses party on my birthday).

Of course, on a alternate theory, that could just be me making excuses for not getting serious with somebody, which could in turn reflect that I am in fact in denial about something (My advice to all of you: Never take just one psychology course. You learn enough to start seeing hidden motivations in everything, but you're still too much of an idiot to actually figure anything out)
Troglobites
11-04-2008, 04:33
Have your internet history list sites of naked women. Done and done.

:cool: