NationStates Jolt Archive

...people resort to hurling animals at each other:
NZ man 'used hedgehog as weapon'

A man in New Zealand has been charged with using a hedgehog as a weapon, the New Zealand Herald has reported.

Police said William Singalargh, 27, had hurled the hedgehog about 5m (16ft) at a 15-year-old boy.

"It hit the victim in the leg, causing a large, red welt and several puncture marks," said Senior Sgt Bruce Jenkins, in the North Island town of Whakatane.

It was unclear whether the hedgehog was still alive when it was thrown, though it was dead when collected as evidence.

The police spokesman said the suspect was arrested "for assault with a weapon, namely the hedgehog."

Mr Singalargh is due to appear in court on 17 April. If convicted, he faces up to five years in prison.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7334233.stm

Today it's hedgehogs, tomorrow it'll be fully-grown sheep! Where will it all end? Animals must be outlawed! It needs to be a crime to carry concealed animals without a license.
"Back off man, I've got a gnu and I ain't afraid to use it!"

(waits for this to descend into the inevitable pro-gun:anti-gun slugfest. My prediction is by post 9)

...don't you meddle with my right to bear farms....

"If we outlaw animals, only outlaws will use them."

Actually, this brings up an interesting Constitutional question: Does the "right to bear arms include more than just guns? Does it cover other limbs? I hope that the Court will soon address all of these issues soon.

At least he wasn't throwing a porcupine.

"If we outlaw animals, only outlaws will use them."

Actually, this brings up an interesting Constitutional question: Does the "right to bear arms include more than just guns? Does it cover other limbs? I hope that the Court will soon address all of these issues soon.

Indeed, indeed, and define if they may not only "bear" but "take off and club with".

...people resort to hurling animals at each other:


http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7334233.stm

Today it's hedgehogs, tomorrow it'll be fully-grown sheep! Where will it all end? Animals must be outlawed! It needs to be a crime to carry concealed animals without a license.
"Back off man, I've got a gnu and I ain't afraid to use it!"

(waits for this to descend into the inevitable pro-gun:anti-gun slugfest. My prediction is by post 9)

Nah, sheep have much better uses, especially in NZ and Wales.

Aww. Poor hedgehog...

This trend could redefine the cat-a-pult. :p

What will Hawaiins do? Not much in the way of large native fauna there.

This trend could redefine the cat-a-pult. :p

There is a programme on BBC2 over in the UK tonight called Clowns. One of the children's entertainers featured wears a cricket box to protect against the frequent groin kicks he encounters. Made me think of you - can't think why they didn't mention tacos at all.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/cgi-perl/whatson/prog_parse.cgi?filename=20080407/20080407_2100_4224_12292_60

What will Hawaiins do? Not much in the way of large native fauna there.

Spikey fish?

There is a programme on BBC2 over in the UK tonight called Clowns. One of the children's entertainers featured wears a cricket box to protect against the frequent groin kicks he encounters. Made me think of you - can't think why they didn't mention tacos at all.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/cgi-perl/whatson/prog_parse.cgi?filename=20080407/20080407_2100_4224_12292_60

Yes, I've been kicked in the groin more than once by kids I'm entertaining. Unfortunately, I don't wear a cup.

Teacher: "So... Jimmy, would you care to explain why you have seventeen poisonous tree-frogs, four black widow spiders and a 13-foot long black mamba in your schoolbag today?"
Evil Little Jimmy: "It's for histo... er... home ec... er science, Sir. Science class. Mr Johnson said to bring them in. He did sir, he did. It's for show and tell."

Teacher: "So... Jimmy, would you care to explain why you have seventeen poisonous tree-frogs, four black widow spiders and a 13-foot long black mamba in your schoolbag today?"
Evil Little Jimmy: "It's for histo... er... home ec... er science, Sir. Science class. Mr Johnson said to bring them in. He did sir, he did. It's for show and tell."

**Jimmy kicks Teacher in the groin**

Yes, I've been kicked in the groin more than once by kids I'm entertaining. Unfortunately, I don't wear a cup.

Certainly explains the 'tears of a clown' thing.

The obvious answer to this growing crime wave is hedgehog registration and licensing. And a ban on CCH, of course.

So, a porcupine is a larger, more powerful, "assault hedgehog" then?

Hedgehogs have been used as weapons of war (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedgehog_%28weapon%29), I'll have you know. :p

Hedgehogs have been used as weapons of war (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedgehog_%28weapon%29), I'll have you know. :p

how do they fill them with the explosives?

Those aren't REAL hedgehogs. In WW2, however, the russians tried training dogs with explosive vests to be weapons against german tanks. The dogs were trained with RUSSIAN tanks, however, so they wound up going after russian tanks more than german tanks -- serves them right!

Rat flail (http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=110)!

Seriously though, throwing animals? Why not throw something more effective? Like say a water balloon filled with skunk spray?

I've got it! Ninja monkey catapults!

I've got it! Ninja monkey catapults!

Still not near as good as the Rat Morning-Star! (http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=225)

Man, I used to be against most forms of gun control. Now I want a total ban on account of animal-based weaponry being completely awesome.

Man, I used to be against most forms of gun control. Now I want a total ban on account of animal-based weaponry being completely awesome.

I don't want it banned! I want it to be mandatory to own at least one! Just think of the reduction in crime when people can't mug anyone!