NationStates Jolt Archive

So, hypothetical situation.

You have just been given the ability to, for five minutes, take absolute control of every media outlet on the planet. Once. Exactly one time.
So, for five minutes, the flow of information on Earth will be absolutly under your control. You will have direct access to the minds of every media pundit, blogger, news reporter, radio broadcaster, and so forth.
For the sake of convinience, a nicely equipped broadcast studio will also be dumped directly into your room.

So, NSG, what do you do?

Tell the world of my brilliance.

Tell the ladies of my huge penis.

Tell the Dutch they will not get away with their plan to warm the Earth and melt the polar icecaps while they hide behind their dams and wait for the waters to recede to conquer the Earth from all its drowned inhabitants.

I would announce a 1 hour 90% discount sale at all Wal-Mart stores across the world - I would then hope that the enormous disappointment given the stampede to the stores will lead to frustration and anger, thus causing each and every store to be destroyed in a global riot against Wal-Mart.

I would cackle, not just laugh but actually cackle.

...or, I would perform my Karaoke rendition of Backstreet Boys - I want it that way.

One of the two.

Probably this! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0)

Inform the world that they had unanimously voted me as ruler of the universe.

Probably this! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0)

I personally would go for this. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-Dk6_2L9WM)

I personally would go for this. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-Dk6_2L9WM)

we could do both, and then just to finish it up, we can give em a goatse or lemonparty...

So who's seen tubguy?

So who's seen tubguy?

no...

Who wants to?

no... I have a bad image in my mind of goatse guy shooting stuff out of his arse...

"I give you five minutes of silence."

Probably spend five minutes trying to work out what to do with my five minutes.

I would announce that all agricultural products from places other than New Zealand have some sort of flaw in them (something like foot and mouth disease, or something like that), and watch as the New Zealand Dollar flies through the roof and we finally overtake the bastard Aussies in the economic stakes.

I would announce that the USA has declared war on France, and all US citizens had to shoot a French person.

Then announce I had been elected President of Zimbabwe!!!!!!!!

Then laugh manically once the 5 mins were up.

Play 2girls1cup. Over and over and over.

Play 2girls1cup. Over and over and over.

Do you think it could possibly be bad that the first thing everyone on here thinks about is grossing out the entire world or causing world war 3... I mean, you could use that 5 minutes to get people to tell people to stop smoking, argue climate change or even tell people to be nice to each other...

But thats the internet for ya...

(Oh and even if you didn't saying it, I know you were all thinking of RickRolling the entire world...)

Probably this! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0)

Goddamnit, I hate you.

Probably a story about a duck that can skateboard

So, NSG, what do you do?

Burn it all and recreate it in my image. It would, at the same time, get rid of both the annoying bloggers and the stuck up newspeople.

I'd keep ESPN though. They get salvation.

Probably this! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0)

AH!

...I still don't get it

AH!

...I still don't get it

Oh...you will. You will.
Once the purgation begins.

"I give you five minutes of silence."

^this


I think that would be fantastic.

We would have five minutes of complete and utter silence. Finally, news worth listening to.

Make Sean Hannity, Bill O'riely, and Michael "Savage" sodomize each other and then do a circle jerk with Rush Limbaugh in the middle. All on camera.


That aught to end their careers. And end Fox News.

"I give you five minutes of silence."

I think this is a good idea.
In fact i don't see why news should be allowed to be broadcast 24hrs a day, why not cut out 2 hours per day, at least this would give the news folks enough time to perfect their "breaking news" bulletins, and we might see an improvement in news quality, instead of the usual guessing games about which politicians are being bad to other ones.

However as a second idea, should silence not be allowed i'd say;
The first rule.
"As of now, all guns are banned from usage and anyone caught using one including official forces of governments will be tasered on sight"
The second rule.
"No one is allowed to repeat the first rule, no one can speak it out loud."
The third rule.
"Rick rolls are punishable by death, as are duck rolls"
and my final message
"We come in peace earthlings"

Probably this! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0)


You evil mother... That is just plain cruel. :eek:

Any half decent and respectable person (like, uh... me) would use it to start a personality cult and get themselves installed as ruler... And make sure the mic and cameras are off before any laughter ;)

Better than this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwTZ2xpQwpA).

Do you think it could possibly be bad that the first thing everyone on here thinks about is grossing out the entire world or causing world war 3... I mean, you could use that 5 minutes to get people to tell people to stop smoking, argue climate change or even tell people to be nice to each other...

People would just ignore you though. Then probably say something about how all the media broadcasting the same message at the same time proved the liberal/conservative/Illuminati bias.
Better to just Rickroll.

I would either:

Criticize all fake goths (Emos, Wannabes and Satanists, etc, and play 5 minutes of Siouxsie and the Banshees for the real goths out there

or

Broadcast that after so many years of waiting, that Russia has finally invaded america, and tell the american public that they are so screwed

- - - - -
on that note, i just cant get enough of this movie, its so cool

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4OyrfKKuS8

Criticize all fake goths (Emos, Wannabes and Satanists, etc), and play 5 minutes of Siouxsie and the Banshees for the real goths out there

Silly goose. They were punk, not goth.

Goths are fake Satanists.

Satanists are fake Scientologists.

I would definitley play the thing from Yuri's Revenge where Yuri mind controlls everyone through the the media.

Ohh i got another one, i'd say over and over.
"praise the immortal emperor of man"

Option A: Find a way to piss off every single person on Earth and watch the result which will most likely be Nuclear War.

Option B: Act like Morpheus or someone from Zion and talk about how we're in the Matrix, splice in some wire-kung-fu special effect and watch idiots try to "break the rules of the Matrix" thus killing themselves.

Option C: Tell people about something that they should do that can kill them, the smart people won't do it, but the stupid one will, thus cleaning out our Gene pool.

Option D: Find the most gruesome, horrifying thing in the world, and terrify six billion people. :D