NationStates Jolt Archive

So, basically, I finally grew a pair and told the girl I've liked for the past year how I really feel about her. We've been really good friends for a while, and while I value her friendship more than almost anything, I felt that it was worth the risk to see if we couldn't be something more. Now, what should be the most difficult part, her liking me back, is not a problem. She told me that she's liked me for a really long time as well, and knew that I liked her back, but she wasn't going to make things easy on me by telling me so, and that she would wait until I decided it was worth it to take control and be the one to say something. So, we both like each other, and other than me being an idiot and not saying something sooner, everything should be fine, right? Well, unfortunately, as we were talking, she hit me with this seemingly easy question: "What would you want in a relationship that we can't have in a friendship?" This was the part where my mind decided to go grab a snack or something and leave me completely defenseless. I gave what I thought were satisfactory answers in "commitment, a future, removal of all emotional boundaries, openness of all feelings, priority of free time, and physicality." I seem to be missing something significant from this list, as she said that she could offer me these things while continuing to be just friends. I find this hard to believe, but I don't think I'm going to be able to change her mind until I come up with a more convincing list. Can anyone think of something I've missed?

I gave what I thought were satisfactory answers in "commitment, a future, removal of all emotional boundaries, openness of all feelings, priority of free time, and physicality." I seem to be missing something significant from this list, as she said that she could offer me these things while continuing to be just friends... Can anyone think of something I've missed?
Besides the big picture?
She is offering to be a "just-friend" who is also going to be committed to you for the future, emotionally open to you, give you first dibs on her free time, AND let you shag her brains out. Sounds like a deal to me.

Offer her a 'going steady' ring.

Say this:

I simply adore you. You ask what difference there can be where we're not just friends and the answer is that there's a million people with whom I can be just friends. I want so much more with you.

Then you kiss her, with meaning.

She sounds like an interesting girl, lucky you.

Can anyone think of something I've missed?
Uh, yeah. You missed asking her wtf is her problem.

She explains her not telling you that she liked you not by saying "I was scared what would happen" or "I didn't know how to go about it" but with "not wanting to make things easy on you"?

And then she has you make a list that would convince her that she should be with you?

Call me crazy but isn't that a tad... nuts? o_O

She sounds like an interesting girl, lucky you.
We clearly have different concepts of "interesting". :p

We clearly have different concepts of "interesting". :p

:)

I quite like a girl who asks a guy what he truly wants, that if it's truly important, then some thought should have gone into it.

The answers he gave seem to be the same glib answers anyone might give, what does he really want from this, I quite like the girl who puts the question forth.

Offer her a 'going steady' ring.

Yup. You want the world to know she is special to you, she wears it letting the world know you are special to her. You have now formed your own world.

Friends share the whole world. Going steady means an exclusive world. ;)

you asked a close friend out? what the hell is wrong with you!

also that explanation on why she never hit on you is sending alarm bells and calling the fire brigade

Can anyone think of something I've missed?

Monogamy ;) ?

How old are the two of you btw?

Well, unfortunately, as we were talking, she hit me with this seemingly easy question: "What would you want in a relationship that we can't have in a friendship?"

Steady sex?

So, basically, I finally grew a pair and told the girl I've liked for the past year how I really feel about her. We've been really good friends for a while, and while I value her friendship more than almost anything, I felt that it was worth the risk to see if we couldn't be something more. Now, what should be the most difficult part, her liking me back, is not a problem. She told me that she's liked me for a really long time as well, and knew that I liked her back, but she wasn't going to make things easy on me by telling me so, and that she would wait until I decided it was worth it to take control and be the one to say something. So, we both like each other, and other than me being an idiot and not saying something sooner, everything should be fine, right? Well, unfortunately, as we were talking, she hit me with this seemingly easy question: "What would you want in a relationship that we can't have in a friendship?" This was the part where my mind decided to go grab a snack or something and leave me completely defenseless. I gave what I thought were satisfactory answers in "commitment, a future, removal of all emotional boundaries, openness of all feelings, priority of free time, and physicality." I seem to be missing something significant from this list, as she said that she could offer me these things while continuing to be just friends. I find this hard to believe, but I don't think I'm going to be able to change her mind until I come up with a more convincing list. Can anyone think of something I've missed?

Yup. You want the world to know she is special to you, she wears it letting the world know you are special to her. You have now formed your own world.

Friends share the whole world. Going steady means an exclusive world. ;)

PQ hit the nail on the head. Although you need to do your own thinking and reflecting to discover the details of what you personally want. I know I love when asked questions like this by girls I'm trying to be in a relationship with, but that's because I know what I want, personal and private commitment. It sounds sexist to put it this way but there is no better way I can think of, I want her to be mine and only mine. And I expect, and give, the same in return for her in regards to myself. A friend who will do you, while cool to many, isn't any good to me, that just doesn't fit with my personality.

You need to discover what you want in a relationship, and for that you need to do some thinking. No person on the internet can tell you what you want. And if you go about saying stuff you hear here you might as well just not bother. If it doesn't come from your heart it's as good as a lie in a relationship where emotions are involved.

I gave what I thought were satisfactory answers in "commitment, a future, removal of all emotional boundaries, openness of all feelings, priority of free time, and physicality." I seem to be missing something significant from this list, as she said that she could offer me these things while continuing to be just friends.

Po-tay-to, po-tah-to. If the two of you are sharing all those things, it's a romantic relationship whether she calls it one or not.