NationStates Jolt Archive

Is guilt a good thing? Or utterly useless? I thought about this after reading this article. http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/guilt-the-crippling-emotion/

I don't understand what people mean when they say they have no regrets. I think people should have regrets. That doesn't mean you have to feel guilt though.

Guilt? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU) Yea, not feelin' it. I suppose it has its uses, because without it there would be a lot less guiltless murderers. Which isn't much better than the same amount of guilt-feeling ones, except maybe some will plead guilty instead of innocent. Which is always good for the jury I guess.

guilt is useful in its proper place.

too often the minor offenders are crippled by it while the truly guilty feel it not at all.

I prefer gilt. Or gelt. Or even gelf.

Is guilt a good thing? Or utterly useless? I thought about this after reading this article. http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/guilt-the-crippling-emotion/

I don't understand what people mean when they say they have no regrets. I think people should have regrets. That doesn't mean you have to feel guilt though.

I have no regrets, never have had any about anything. That simply means I don't do hindsight bashing on myself. I am not ashamed of things I have done.

Not saying that I have never done anything that made me feel bad. Sure I have. But the reality of it is that in all things I have learned something. You don't just learn things from good experiences, you also learn from bad ones. So why regret that?

Not feeling guilt is the mark of a sociopath.

It's an extremely important emotion. Its function is to make us feel like crap when we violate our own moral code (what we individually think is right and wrong), so that we won't do it again. Often this has to do with how one treats members of one's social group, be it a family, friends or other community. This leads to greater social tranquility and cohesion.

Is guilt a good thing? Or utterly useless? I thought about this after reading this article. http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/guilt-the-crippling-emotion/

I don't understand what people mean when they say they have no regrets. I think people should have regrets. That doesn't mean you have to feel guilt though.
Why do you think people should have regrets?

I have a lot of regrets...but not much by the way of guilt. Guilt implies doing something wrong and knowing it...regret is just not doing what would have made you happy.

Why do you think people should have regrets?If you don't have regrets, that means you believe you didn't make any mistakes in life. That's not true of anybody. If you regret something you don't have to tear yourself up with guilt over it though, it just means you say to yourself "I shouldn't have done that."

I believe people should admit to themselves when they mess things up. If you don't want to admit it to yourself, you can seek excuses, like your upbringing, or somebody else competing with you. People who seek excuses often remain miserable instead of changing anything, because start to see their own life as something beyond their control they don't think they have the ability to change things.

Occasionally I hear someone tell a story like "I had a chance to play bagpipes for the drop kick murphys, but I became a cop instead. But you can't have regrets!" Why the hell can't you regret something like that? Sometimes it seems like people who claim they have no regrets are just trying to cover up the fact that still hate themselves for doing something lame.

Not everyone makes decisions that end in regrets...you must allow for the one person out there who may have got it right. Just because you have never seen a white raven doesn't mean there is no such thing.

Not everyone makes decisions that end in regrets...you must allow for the one person out there who may have got it right. Just because you have never seen a white raven doesn't mean there is no such thing.Everyone makes mistakes, even if it's something that isn't very important.

If you don't have regrets, that means you believe you didn't make any mistakes in life. That's not true of anybody. If you regret something you don't have to tear yourself up with guilt over it though, it just means you say to yourself "I shouldn't have done that."

I believe people should admit to themselves when they mess things up. If you don't want to admit it to yourself, you can seek excuses, like your upbringing, or somebody else competing with you. People who seek excuses often remain miserable instead of changing anything, because start to see their own life as something beyond their control they don't think they have the ability to change things.

Occasionally I hear someone tell a story like "I had a chance to play bagpipes for the drop kick murphys, but I became a cop instead. But you can't have regrets!" Why the hell can't you regret something like that? Sometimes it seems like people who claim they have no regrets are just trying to cover up the fact that still hate themselves for doing something lame.
I make tons of mistakes. Most are minor and not worth remembering. A few are less minor. But I don't regret them. I may sometimes feel a wishful pang about an opportunity missed or whatnot, but it doesn't rise to the level of regret, because when I put even my mistakes into the context of my whole life, I see how they are part of my development as a person. Without them, the "I" that exists now would not exist. They are a part of me, and regretting them would make about as much sense as regretting my thumbs.

What possible good is served by regrets? The past is what it is and cannot be changed. You have no option but to accept it and find some way to cope, either by living with it or taking steps to change the condition for the future. Sitting around regretting things accomplishes neither of those.

In my personal opinion, regrets are not just a waste of time. They are also self-indulgent.

EDIT: Or to quote one of my favorite writers:

"...As I say, one never knows one ground, and one may make mistakes, but then one's mistakes very often turn out to be assets in the long run. For instance, if we had never bungled away our American colonies, we would not now have the boy from the States to teach how to wear our hair and cut our clothes." -- Saki, "Reginald on House Parties"

what a hard ass;)

If you don't have regrets, that means you believe you didn't make any mistakes in life. That's not true of anybody. If you regret something you don't have to tear yourself up with guilt over it though, it just means you say to yourself "I shouldn't have done that."


Hmm, I would say I don't agree with you but when I really think about it you might be right. I don't have any regrets. While on the surface I certainly feel I have made mistakes in my life, as you say who hasn't. But in the bigger picture I do feel that every thing that I have done in my life lead to something for a reason, so was it really a mistake in reality or exactly how I was supposed to get from from point A to point B in reality?

If that is so there can't really be mistakes, just things we can now see possibly easier routes to travel to the same point. But would we have learned what we needed to learn on the easier route? 20/20 hindsight to me isn't the same thing as regrets.

what a hard ass;)

Thanks! :)

Notice how I assume you were talking about me. :cool:

I make tons of mistakes. Most are minor and not worth remembering. A few are less minor. But I don't regret them. I may sometimes feel a wishful pang about an opportunity missed or whatnot, but it doesn't rise to the level of regret, because when I put even my mistakes into the context of my whole life, I see how they are part of my development as a person. Without them, the "I" that exists now would not exist. They are a part of me, and regretting them would make about as much sense as regretting my thumbs.

What possible good is served by regrets? The past is what it is and cannot be changed. You have no option but to accept it and find some way to cope, either by living with it or taking steps to change the condition for the future. Sitting around regretting things accomplishes neither of those.

In my personal opinion, regrets are not just a waste of time. They are also self-indulgent.

EDIT: Or to quote one of my favorite writers:

"...As I say, one never knows one ground, and one may make mistakes, but then one's mistakes very often turn out to be assets in the long run. For instance, if we had never bungled away our American colonies, we would not now have the boy from the States to teach how to wear our hair and cut our clothes." -- Saki, "Reginald on House Parties"

Exactly.

I understand that you need to go on with your life without worrying forever, but in order to get to that point you have to go through regret first. If you don't, than you never acknowledge that you didn't make the right choice. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems to me that regretting something is the first step to changing it. That doesn't mean being permanently consumed with guilt is a good thing.

I don't see how you can get through life sincerely viewing every mistake as just a step. How can you not judge the values of your actions? How do you know what you are supposed to do next if you've decided that everything you do is essential, and therefore nothing is a mistake?

Thanks! :)

Notice how I assume you were talking about me. :cool:

I was you are my favorite person to forum stalk next to Straughn..but the only person that I don't know face to face. Ever since the rape incident. It was a compliment by the way, in the line of Kirks reaction to Spocks brother in that "finding god" movie.

I understand that you need to go on with your life without worrying forever, but in order to get to that point you have to go through regret first. If you don't, than you never acknowledge that you didn't make the right choice. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems to me that regretting something is the first step to changing it. That doesn't mean being permanently consumed with guilt is a good thing.

I don't see how you can get through life sincerely viewing mistake as just a step. How can you not judge the values of your actions? How do you know what you are supposed to do next if you've decided that everything you do is essential, and therefore nothing is a mistake?

You don't need to regret in order to adapt to the situation you are currently in. Regret often leads to paralysis as some may worry what regrets may come if they make the wrong decision.

I understand that you need to go on with your life without worrying forever, but in order to get to that point you have to go through regret first. If you don't, than you never acknowledge that you didn't make the right choice. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems to me that regretting something is the first step to changing it. That doesn't mean being permanently consumed with guilt is a good thing.

I don't see how you can get through life sincerely viewing every mistake as just a step. How can you not judge the values of your actions? How do you know what you are supposed to do next if you've decided that everything you do is essential, and therefore nothing is a mistake?
I think you are confusing your concepts. Regret and guilt are two different things and do not necessarily attach to the same actions. Also, recognizing a mistake and acting to correct it is different from regretting the things you've done with your life. Waaaay different.

You don't need to regret in order to adapt to the situation you are currently in. Regret often leads to paralysis as some may worry what regrets may come if they make the wrong decision.I think the definition of regret you guys are using isn't the same as mine. According to the dictionary I have regret is to feel sorry for something, and guilt is a sense of inadequacy. If you regret something, you don't necessarily feel inadequate and become paralyzed.

I understand that you need to go on with your life without worrying forever, but in order to get to that point you have to go through regret first. If you don't, than you never acknowledge that you didn't make the right choice. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems to me that regretting something is the first step to changing it. That doesn't mean being permanently consumed with guilt is a good thing.

My grandfather always taught us that you make a decision and get on with it. If it is the wrong one you will know soon enough and you simply make a better decision the next time. The lesson learned is what would lead you to the ability to make a better decision.

I have never thought of the 'lesson learned' as guilt or regret though. Just recognizing what you did that made the decision a poor one. If you continue to make the same bad decision you haven't learned yet, when you learn you will stop. Acknowledging you made a wrong choice to me doesn't require an emotional response such as guilt or regret.

Ok so I think of it as a math problem. If I figure a math problem and get the wrong answer, I simply do it over. I don't have an emotion regarding that I got it wrong.

It is interesting how differently people see this. :p

I was you are my favorite person to forum stalk next to Straughn..but the only person that I don't know face to face. Ever since the rape incident. It was a compliment by the way, in the line of Kirks reaction to Spocks brother in that "finding god" movie.
OK, I stared at this post for a while and... I have no idea what it means. Typical stalker stuff. Welcome to the fan club. Bring your own beer. ;)

I think you are confusing your concepts. Regret and guilt are two different things and do not necessarily attach to the same actions. Also, recognizing a mistake and acting to correct it is different from regretting the things you've done with your life. Waaaay different.I guess I have trouble seeing the thing between regret and finding excuses for anything to absolve responsibility. I guess maybe determination would be the right word for it.

OK, I stared at this post for a while and... I have no idea what it means. Typical stalker stuff. Welcome to the fan club. Bring your own beer. ;)

It means that I like to argue with you for the enjoyment of the witty banter...and I regret that for the most part we are on the same side in this discussion...which makes me feel a little guilty that I am not putting the effort into this to come up with a good counter argument to support the need to feel guilt.

P.S. I don't drink

I think the definition of regret you guys are using isn't the same as mine. According to the dictionary I have regret is to feel sorry for something, and guilt is a sense of inadequacy. If you regret something, you don't necessarily feel inadequate and become paralyzed.
What dictionary are you using? Because, according to Merriam-Webster, "regret" means:
transitive verb1 a: to mourn the loss or death of b: to miss very much
2: to be very sorry for <regrets his mistakes>
intransitive verb: to experience regret

And "guilt" means:
1: the fact of having committed a breach of conduct especially violating law and involving a penalty; broadly : guilty conduct
2 a: the state of one who has committed an offense especially consciously b: feelings of culpability especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy : self-reproach
3: a feeling of culpability for offenses
NOTE: "guilt" is the feeling of culpability, not inadequacy. Feeling inadequate is just one source of guilt.

It means that I like to argue with you for the enjoyment of the witty banter...and I regret that for the most part we are on the same side in this discussion...which makes me feel a little guilty that I am not putting the effort into this to come up with a good counter argument to support the need to feel guilt.

P.S. I don't drink

You may regret that some day. ;)


Hitting the hay now. Later.

I prefer gilt. Or gelt. Or even gelf.

I quite like gift!

I have no regrets in my life. Everything I've done has served me by teaching me to NOT do that again, or that it's okay to do that again. That simple.

Is guilt a good thing? Or utterly useless? I thought about this after reading this article. http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/guilt-the-crippling-emotion/

I don't understand what people mean when they say they have no regrets. I think people should have regrets. That doesn't mean you have to feel guilt though.

Well, it tells you you're not a sociopath, since they're the only people who don't feel guilt. So I guess it's good for that.

Is guilt a good thing? Or utterly useless? I thought about this after reading this article. http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/guilt-the-crippling-emotion/

I don't understand what people mean when they say they have no regrets. I think people should have regrets. That doesn't mean you have to feel guilt though.

Yes and no. I think it's important to make the distinction between initial feelings of guilt over violating our moral code or social rules and excessive self-flagellation/rumination over past violations.

A lack of guilt is one of the recognised symptoms of psychopathy, guilt plays an important role in indicating to us when we have done something wrong and conditions us not to repeat this, because it's an unpleasant sensation. To have people be completely guilt free would essentially result in a society of psychopaths. However, this is not what the article is suggesting (although it manages to hide this point well).

What it's talking about is two distinct issues: 1) excessive rumination over past mistakes/misdeeds, which is one of the primary causes of depression and can be detrimental to a person's well-being. 2) Irrational and excessive guilt over small social violations which most people would not consider to be bad (e.g. guilt for being assertive).

In simpler terms, guilt becomes a problem when there's not a rational cause for it or if you can't move on from it/take steps to address it (ensure you don't repeat the behaviour, make amends/reparations etc...).

If it causes you to do something good, then at least it's relieved when you do and it has a purpose. Otherwise, no. It just sucks the life out of you.

guilt, in and of itself, is a very destructive thing mostly. but at the same time, people do need to be encouraged to dicipline THEMSELVES to avoid causing real harm and suffering to others.

=^^=
.../\...

Is guilt important at all?

I read this as Is quilt important at all? and wondered what the hell you were smoking.


To answer the OP, yes a sense of remorse is important.