NationStates Jolt Archive

So, recently two good friends of mine invited me to live with them in an apartment next year. We're all students, so we're just trying to find alternatives to the dormitories. I'm willing to give it a try, if it's close enough to campus and I can get a room to myself (they're still undecided on the exact place).

However, I've heard many people say that living with your friends is not always a great idea. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? What were the results, if so?

bad bad bad bad bad.

bad.

we don't speak anymore, ever.

i lived with 2 friends and one of their girlfriends for a year. one of them, who i'd been friends with for a year, i don't speak to any more. the other, who i'd been friend with for over 5 years, i now see very occasionally and we drifted apart pretty bad.

but then i was depressed as hell and most of what we did together was take drugs and get drunk, and since i've now stopped doing that i guess we don't have much in common any more :P

possibly not a great idea, from my experience...

I shared a flat with friends once. We don't talk.

If that's your decision then go for it. I know plenty of other people who lived with their friends and are still friends with them.
I guess it depends on how well you know them.
good luck.

have a giant sex orgy with them, that'll help. Wait, what was the problem...

I let a friend stay with me for a while after he and his wife separated. I thought it would work out, we were both great friends, we worked at the same newspaper, it seemed great. But then it turned out that my friend, who bore a striking resemblance to Jack Lemmon, was an incredible neat freak, whereas I...
wait, sorry. That was Jack Lemmon. Once again, I was confusing my life with The Odd Couple. I apologize for any confusion this may have caused.

this thread makes me wonder

living with a bunch of friends for a year in Australia will be bad won't it?

this thread makes me wonder

living with a bunch of friends for a year in Australia will be bad won't it?

depends how well you know them.

Doing it, it's great :) Actually they only became better friends since I live in a house with them :)

depends how well you know them.

er varies from known "friends forever" for years too we get drunk at parties

Doing it, it's great :) Actually they only became better friends since I live in a house with them :)

are they cleaning people? ;):p

So, recently two good friends of mine invited me to live with them in an apartment next year. We're all students, so we're just trying to find alternatives to the dormitories. I'm willing to give it a try, if it's close enough to campus and I can get a room to myself (they're still undecided on the exact place).

However, I've heard many people say that living with your friends is not always a great idea. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? What were the results, if so?

I lived with my friends during studies in university it was great.

I actually still live (with 5 of my friends) in one flat for 3 years (and this is quite a few years after university) already. It's great (saving money, having always people around and so on). Of course you and your friends to be reasonable human beings (to share responsibilities, food, etc.), but yeah.

My word of advice is: Don't move in with anyone you are not prepared to lose as a friend.

I lived in an apartment for 8 months: the first 3 months were good... no dramas there.
The next 2 months were dodgy... had a few disagreements with one of the girls I was living with.
The final 3 months: well.. she wouldn't speak to me... fucking bitch...
(I was living with 2 girls, I am still living with one of them now, but we are in a house with another guy and another girl)

I would also suggest: Either go with everyone is male, everyone is female, or half/half... You want equal numbers of both genders if both are present: Why?
Females can be bitchy, and if the females out number you, then yeah...

are they cleaning people? ;):p

More than I am :p

bad bad bad bad bad.

bad.

we don't speak anymore, ever.

i lived with 2 friends and one of their girlfriends for a year. one of them, who i'd been friends with for a year, i don't speak to any more. the other, who i'd been friend with for over 5 years, i now see very occasionally and we drifted apart pretty bad.


possibly not a great idea, from my experience...

I shared a flat with friends once. We don't talk.
Add another to the 'don't speak to them' list.

It's not a lock that that is going to happen. I'll offer my off the top of my head theory. I think it's boundaries and liberties. When I live with people I don't know, there are clear boundaries. I expect them to have their own lives and I have mine. I give them their space and they give me mine. When I lived with friends there was an added expectation-when I was around that friend we hung out, so it's only natural if the cat is right there you're going to hang out. But if you think about it that means you're on top of each other a lot more than you'd realistically want to be.

Then there is liberties. I don't take liberties with relative strangers that I live with, I don't expect them to be cool with it if I eat their last burrito or break their keyboard on accident or something like that. And the thing is with you're friends, for those first three months, you are cool with it, it's just that after three months of that kind of thing, as your comfort level grows and you're taking even more liberties that shit starts to get on your nerves. Then there's the seed of resentment. And that seed grows quicker because 'how can your friend do you like that?' And you don't say anything for longer than you would normally so when you do say something, it's built up. And even though your friend has the same build up, the release comes out of left field for them, and so they amp up their bad feelings.

And then you're not talking to them anymore.

That's my off the top of my head theory.

So if you move in acknowledging that it's not a 24 hour party, that while of course you should do shit together, you should have your own thing going on, and it's not an insult if your roommate or you spends time to themselves. If you can't do those things, live with strangers.

It must be NS... 5 of us who don't speak to housemates.... I'd be interested in doing a study on it...

I've had an overall great experience. One, the friendship has drifted, but that is more related to his increased drug use.

The major key is that, when there is an issue, tell them.

Almost all of my friends live with other friends, and it has ruined very few friendships. Most that were ruined had little to do with living together, but other issues

I am currently living with a roommate and have been for two years, we are still good friends and while we have had our arguments and differences we haven't broken the friendship.

But that may be due to a couple of reasons, we are both guys and I have observed that guys who are friends generally get over stuff a lot quicker than girls and we have known each other for 9 years and been through a lot good and bad, hell we went to school together and all the teachers knew whenever one of us got in trouble the other had to be involved somehow, oh yes you can form great relationships when you are always in detention together.

But my advice to you is this how strong is the friendship, do you have the same tastes as each other (i.e. food, TV shows) do you lead similar social lives (if you enjoy having parties every night while the other just wants to sit on the couch maybe do some study then it might not work. Really it depends on how well you think you could be near someone at all times, this doesn't always work for people and it is not just roommates but partners, I enjoyed and looked forward to spending time with my ex-gf but when we moved in together and had to spend hours upon hours upon hours with each other, we fought and had huge arguments in then end we neither of us could spend the sight of each other (I began to dread going home) we broke up and we moved out, I haven't seen her since sorry about the long thread memories are starting to rush back, I think I will be off now.

I'm living with friends this year on campus in a flat. We all get on really when, occasionally we will argue but once that problem is sorted we move on and are happy again.

In September I'm moving in with 3 girls (only guy) and it should be good. We get on well with each other, though I don't live with any of them at the moment. Two of them are my neighbours. We should hopefully be fine and find each others boundaries quickly.

In September I'm moving in with 3 girls (only guy) and it should be good. We get on well with each other, though I don't live with any of them at the moment. Two of them are my neighbours. We should hopefully be fine and find each others boundaries quickly.

I'll give you 3 months...

Seriously, bad idea...

I'll give you 3 months...

Seriously, bad idea...


It was either that or become a tramp so its convenience. We'll see what happens.

One bad experience, one good experience. With the good one though, we did have a bit of rockiness due to difference in life styles, but we quickly got that worked out.

The only advice I could give is when you get in, set the rules and set them as if it was someone walking in off the street and NOT your friend.

Generally bad experiences of the "we don't talk to each other anymore". Main problems always seem to come from people not paying their share of the bills (or running up huge bills by having a fan heater on for weeks), different attitudes to cleaning (the guy who used the dustpan and brush we used to sweep up stray cat litter to 'clean' the kitchen work surfaces when it was his turn) and cooking (shared meals can be good but everyone needs to play nicely).

The wife lived in an apartment with a friend of hers for a year while she was in college. They no longer speak. Granted, I don't know if that's because they lived together or because that "friend" dated my wife's ex and didn't so much as call when my wife was in the hospital with a broken leg, but the bottom line is that they're done with each other.

So, recently two good friends of mine invited me to live with them in an apartment next year. We're all students, so we're just trying to find alternatives to the dormitories. I'm willing to give it a try, if it's close enough to campus and I can get a room to myself (they're still undecided on the exact place).

However, I've heard many people say that living with your friends is not always a great idea. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? What were the results, if so?

Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't.

For me, it was a great process of weeding through my friendship group and finding out which people I didn't want to be friends with. 3 years later, I'm friends with roughly 3 people I was friends with at the start of uni. Wheee! :D

I am currently living with a roommate and have been for two years, we are still good friends and while we have had our arguments and differences we haven't broken the friendship.

But that may be due to a couple of reasons, we are both guys and I have observed that guys who are friends generally get over stuff a lot quicker than girls and we have known each other for 9 years and been through a lot good and bad, hell we went to school together and all the teachers knew whenever one of us got in trouble the other had to be involved somehow, oh yes you can form great relationships when you are always in detention together.

But my advice to you is this how strong is the friendship, do you have the same tastes as each other (i.e. food, TV shows) do you lead similar social lives (if you enjoy having parties every night while the other just wants to sit on the couch maybe do some study then it might not work. Really it depends on how well you think you could be near someone at all times, this doesn't always work for people and it is not just roommates but partners, I enjoyed and looked forward to spending time with my ex-gf but when we moved in together and had to spend hours upon hours upon hours with each other, we fought and had huge arguments in then end we neither of us could spend the sight of each other (I began to dread going home) we broke up and we moved out, I haven't seen her since sorry about the long thread memories are starting to rush back, I think I will be off now.

I agree with this ideal - just have alot in common with the friend you move in with.
I moved in with my best friend, and even though Im 27 and hes a lazy little 18 year old college student, we sort things out

I work at night and sleep during the day, and hes out all day at college and sits at his computer playing games all night, so it comes down to time-sharing the apartment.

I may have to come home to a sink full of the dinner dishes his lazy ass left there overnight, but he has perks such as getting a staff discount at the computer game store he works part time at, and that his computer can download other computer games from russia where they dont have PC game piracy laws *cackles*:D

Hes like a little brother to me, and ive gotten used to that babysitting him like one, that i just kinda shrug off most of his bad traits - even he agrees that my training him to settle down to one girl is better than his old "hump everything in sight" routine

So, recently two good friends of mine invited me to live with them in an apartment next year. We're all students, so we're just trying to find alternatives to the dormitories. I'm willing to give it a try, if it's close enough to campus and I can get a room to myself (they're still undecided on the exact place).

However, I've heard many people say that living with your friends is not always a great idea. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? What were the results, if so?

You fall out over the tiniest things, but for the entire rest of the time it's feckin' awesome. :D

. I'll offer my off the top of my head theory. I think it's boundaries and liberties.

[massive snip]


I believe CtoaN is, as usual, spot on.

And I'd also like to enforce the tow 'rules' already mentioned in the thread before:

1) Do not move in with friends you aren't prepared to treat "like regular random flatmates", i.e. people you have nothing more in common with than living with them, from time to time, and whom you aren't prepared to maybe actually turn into such people for you eventually.

2) Listen to CtoaN and make sure that flat-sharing issues will be solved without the degree of stretched liberties and boundaries that are typical for the friendship.

It must be NS... 5 of us who don't speak to housemates.... I'd be interested in doing a study on it...
I was thinking that.

Since the second year of uni (2004) I've lived with friends. And I'm still on great terms and in touch with all of them. Absolutely no problems. Well, except for one guy who started off a neat freak. We wore him down though, so no worries there. :p

To the OP - excellent idea. So long as you're reasonably easy-going and aren't going to get pissy about the washing up not being done for a day or so, or someone borrowing your toothpaste occasionally, you'll be fine.

This is usually a bad idea, unless you have a good relationship with your friends and trust is built up almost to a "your-mah-family-bro" level. So, unless both parties have a good sense of trust for one another, this would be a bad course of action.

The best course, if not the above statement, is to seek out family or go out on your own in a dorm or something. Better to stray away from hell instead of trying the waters and gettin' burnt to a Yummy Tastey OZMGWTFBBQ fest.

Just move in with them. Things have the potential to fall apart, but if it works out your life will be easier.

Thanks for the input, everybody. I think I will give it a try, since I'm a fairly easy-going person, and I don't tend to mind the weird habits of my roommates.

Your stories have increased my apprehension though >.>
I'll apply for a single dorm next year as well, just in case I get cold feet.