NationStates Jolt Archive

Clicky (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/03/31/picnic_table_incident/)

An Ohio man has admitted to four felony counts of public indecency after a neighbour caught him on camera having sex with a picnic table, local news outfit WTOL11 reports.

Bellevue resident Art Price Jr, 40, molested the round metal table on four occasions "between the hours of 10:30 am and noon". A video of his last furniture liaison, on 14 March, provided police with hard evidence of Price's perversion.

Police Captain Matt Johnson said: "The first video we had, he was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table."

While sex with picnic tables is normally considered a misdemeanour, the fact that Price got down and dirty "in close proximity to a school" makes the outrage rather more serious. Johnson explained: "What boosts it up to a felony is that the statute says if it's likely to be viewed by a minor."

Some neighbours are reportedly worried that Price's three school-age kids might take some stick if their school friends get wind of the scandal, although others are rather more concerned that he was released "on his own recognisance". One said: "He shouldn't be allowed just for the fact that he could do that again - and nude that close to a school. That should be zero tolerance."

Captain Johnson concluded: "Once you think you've seen it all, something else comes around."


All I can say, there's some strange people in the world :rolleyes:

Clicky (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/03/31/picnic_table_incident/)



All I can say, there's some strange people in the world :rolleyes:
Love between a man and his picnic table is perfectly natural. :mad:

Ok so man having sex with a picnic table is creepy, yes.

However...

neighbour caught him on camera having sex with a picnic table

Why was the neighbor taping it?! :eek:

Love between a man and his picnic table is perfectly natural. :mad:

Quite right. Sorry for bringing it to your attention :(

Ok so man having sex with a picnic table is creepy, yes.

However...

Why was the neighbor taping it?! :eek:

He claimed 'Evidence' :p

He claimed 'Evidence' :p

Yea....ok.....now explain why the neighbor didn't have any pants on.... :p

How do have sex with...

My eyes! MY EYES!!!!!

BRAIN BLEACH!!!1! I need brain bleach!

Is this the same guy that was caught having sex with a bicycle a while ago? :p

Yea....ok.....now explain why the neighbor didn't have any pants on.... :p

How did you know that :confused:

You were that neighbour? :p

How do have sex with...

My eyes! MY EYES!!!!!

BRAIN BLEACH!!!1! I need brain bleach!

*rams Funnel where the Sagittal suture meets the lambdoid suture and pours in brain bleach*

Is this the same guy that was caught having sex with a bicycle a while ago? :p

Interestingly, I believe that article is linked on that page :D

How do have sex with...

My eyes! MY EYES!!!!!

BRAIN BLEACH!!!1! I need brain bleach!

Apparantly, he used the umbrella hole ;)

*rams Funnel where the Sagittal suture meets the lambdoid suture and pours in brain bleach*

I actually think that would hurt less than the images I have dancing around in my head right now.

Interestingly, I believe that article is linked on that page :D

yep. Not the same guy.

Link. (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/10/26/bike_incident/)

Crazy...

How the hell did he fit it in the hole...those things are small...

Alright, now having said that, please pass the brain bleach, lol...:cool:

Apparantly, he used the umbrella hole ;)

Augghhh! That's even worse than I imagined! There are limits to the amount of pervyness my brain can take before it shuts down.

Crazy...

How the hell did he fit it in the hole...those things are small...

Alright, now having said that, please pass the brain bleach, lol...:cool:

All I have is arsenic...

Augghhh! That's even worse than I imagined! There are limits to the amount of pervyness my brain can take before it shuts down.

*Inserts more 'disturbing thoughts' into Kbrookistan mind*

*Waits for the explosion*

Who else needs a brain bleach?

Was it his own picnic table?

I'm good. Highschool taught me how to avoid thinking about things I don't want to.

All I have is arsenic...

That could work...or i could just ask this guy:sniper:lol

Was it his own picnic table?

I hope so

Was it his own picnic table?

More importantly, did the Picnic table give consent?

That could work...or i could just ask this guy:sniper:lol

Either is good :D

More importantly, did the Picnic table give consent?

Didn't think of that :mad:

This is an outrage

Pass the bleach please

just reading the name of the thread gives reason to bleach brain to wash away another one of americas most twisted from my brain.

Its almost as bad as this one time way back in high school when we all had to go back to class after lunch, and we found this samoan kid tugging his meat in the classroom

made some of us regret eating lunch......

I saw this story on FoxNews.com and promptly e-mailed it to my brothers and father. Who doesn't enjoy a story about snakes eating things they shouldn't, people having sex with things they shouldn't, or abnormally large animals?

Pass the bleach please

just reading the name of the thread gives reason to bleach brain to wash away another one of americas most twisted from my brain.

Its almost as bad as this one time way back in high school when we all had to go back to class after lunch, and we found this samoan kid tugging his meat in the classroom

made some of us regret eating lunch......

*Mocks* :D

Quite disturbing, first of all why would they be videotaping him and be looking at him :P

jk
The Picnic Table Guy has no life at all.

Pass the bleach please

just reading the name of the thread gives reason to bleach brain to wash away another one of americas most twisted from my brain.

Its almost as bad as this one time way back in high school when we all had to go back to class after lunch, and we found this samoan kid tugging his meat in the classroom

made some of us regret eating lunch......

Ok, so as long as we're telling stories.

This was several years before I got there, but I heard a lot about it:
The marching band was coming back from a competition, eh? Well some (not very attractive at all) color guard girl was sitting in the back of the bus with the gong mallet. She didn't use the huge padded end, but the handle....
So they washed it and re-taped it and all, but still no one uses it.

They call it Excalibur.

Quite disturbing, first of all why would they be videotaping him and be looking at him :P

jk
The Picnic Table Guy has no life at all.

Indeed :D

Ok, so as long as we're telling stories.

This was several years before I got there, but I heard a lot about it:
The marching band was coming back from a competition, eh? Well some (not very attractive at all) color guard girl was sitting in the back of the bus with the gong mallet. She didn't use the huge padded end, but the handle....
So they washed it and re-taped it and all, but still no one uses it.

They call it Excalibur.

Ewwww...

LOL


One time at our school before I was there, a male teacher was caught having fun with another male student.

Pavement, Bicycle, now picnic table. Wonder what's next.

Yeah, one of our PE teachers was caught getting head from a former (female) student. He was fired.

And you know "this one time at band camp"? So I dated this girl, once...

Pavement, Bicycle, now picnic table. Wonder what's next.

Bowling ball?

Pavement, Bicycle, now picnic table. Wonder what's next.

Some hippy is going to be caught going at a tree. Give a whole new meaning to the phrase 'tree-hugger.'

What's the outrage over "ZOMG he fucked a picnic table!!!" all about? I understand the concern about possibly exposing this act to schoolkids, but the rest.. I mean, so he used an inanimate object with a tunnel-shaped part to to somehow simulate sex.. well? Do people get equally upset when they hear of a woman using, oh I don't know, the leg of a smaller table to penetrate themselves for masturbatory uses? Where's the difference?

This is sorta like the story of the guy who inserted an empty loopaper roll (you now, just the cardboard thingy) 'twixt the loo basin and the seat, and masturbated into/with/through it simulating some sort of doggy style act with the loo? Slightly gross for my tastes, nothing I'd personally ever consider, but perfectly 'normal' as far as I can see.

Bowling ball?

orgy potential right there.

Pavement, Bicycle, now picnic table. Wonder what's next.

http://alumni.imsa.edu/~data/images/autographs/yankovic.jpg

On the next George...

"Sex with Furniture... what do you think?"

orgy potential right there.

Precisely

What's the outrage over "ZOMG he fucked a picnic table!!!" all about? I understand the concern about possibly exposing this act to schoolkids, but the rest.. I mean, so he used an inanimate object with a tunnel-shaped part to to somehow simulate sex.. well? Do people get equally upset when they hear of a woman using, oh I don't know, the leg of a smaller table to penetrate themselves for masturbatory uses? Where's the difference?

This is sorta like the story of the guy who inserted an empty loopaper roll (you now, just the cardboard thingy) 'twixt the loo basin and the seat, and masturbated into/with/through it simulating some sort of doggy style act with the loo? Slightly gross for my tastes, nothing I'd personally ever consider, but perfectly 'normal' as far as I can see.

Girls are hot when they do it.

Assuming they are hot girls. If they aren't hot, then people do get upset.

On that note, 22 girls die every year from pleasuring themselves on toilet plunger handles and slipping.

Girls are hot when they do it.

Assuming they are hot girls. If they aren't hot, then people do get upset.

On that note, 22 girls die every year from pleasuring themselves on toilet plunger handles and slipping.

Ouchies

molested the round metal table can you really count it as molestation?

hard evidence Me thinks the author is trying to make a funny

While sex with picnic tables is normally considered it happens often?

molested the round metal table can you really count it as molestation?

hard evidence Me thinks the author is trying to make a funny

While sex with picnic tables is normally considered it happens often?

I think sex with objects is normally considered... ;)

Ok so man having sex with a picnic table is creepy, yes.

However...



Why was the neighbor taping it?! :eek:

He'd done it three other times; I'm pretty sure if reported the cops said they couldn't do anything without evidence, so neighbor taped his last virtuoso performance.

He'd done it three other times; I'm pretty sure if reported the cops said they couldn't do anything without evidence, so neighbor taped his last virtuoso performance.

I hate to imagine what this guy was like watching Disney's Beauty and the Beast.

:D

Clicky (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/03/31/picnic_table_incident/)



All I can say, there's some strange people in the world :rolleyes:

Well it would seem that he and I... Aren't so differen't after all...

*Runs away*

All I can say, there's some strange people in the world :rolleyes:

I didn't know that was even possible.

Well his defence it was at 10:30 am and Noon. We all know nothing good is on TV and he was probably bored.

I blame the TV Execs for not providing decent television!

Apparantly, he used the umbrella hole ;)

Yikes!! :eek:

oh god!

RULE 34! RULE 34!

He'd done it three other times; I'm pretty sure if reported the cops said they couldn't do anything without evidence, so neighbor taped his last virtuoso performance.

I hope he just left it a Tripod and had it self record instead of the neighbor standing there recording it.

Voyeur FTL?

well he certainly went against the grain on this one

lets just hope he doesn't get board ;)

He'd done it three other times; I'm pretty sure if reported the cops said they couldn't do anything without evidence, so neighbor taped his last virtuoso performance.

what I'd like to know is why he didn't just sell it on the Internet

I just hope the table doesn't get pregnant.

molested the round metal table can you really count it as molestation?

hard evidence Me thinks the author is trying to make a funny

While sex with picnic tables is normally considered it happens often?

1)Unless the table gave consent.

2) :)

3)You never know, they might have a law against having sex with picnic tables there. I've heard of weirder laws.

well he certainly went against the grain on this one

lets just hope he doesn't get board ;)

Make another joke like that and I'll sic Yogi on you!

OMG you mean that wasn't mayonnaise?

I hope he's had a tetanus shot.

Just add a lawn chair and he's got a threesome.

OMG you mean that wasn't mayonnaise?

...Oh my Actual Dog!
*Blinks at Kat in surprise.*

I think he should not have done that in public, but a felony? thats a little too serious for this offense.

Seriously, why is this a felony? Sure, it's gross, but a felony?

How can you say that?! Think of the poor, innocent tables of the world!

I think he should not have done that in public, but a felony? thats a little too serious for this offense.

Seriously, why is this a felony? Sure, it's gross, but a felony?

It's a felony because the Table didn't give consent *nods*

It's a felony because the Table didn't give consent *nods*

On top of that(no pun? intended) it was also underage.

How can you say that?! Think of the poor, innocent tables of the world!

exactly, who knows next time he's out it could be your table!:eek:
This reminds me of a guy who was arrested for trying to have sex with a bicycle.

exactly, who knows next time he's out it could be your table!:eek:
This reminds me of a guy who was arrested for trying to have sex with a bicycle.

Replace 'children' with 'tables'. (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=mweFiS6Z_WU) :p

What's the outrage over "ZOMG he fucked a picnic table!!!" all about? I understand the concern about possibly exposing this act to schoolkids, but the rest.. I mean, so he used an inanimate object with a tunnel-shaped part to to somehow simulate sex.. well? Do people get equally upset when they hear of a woman using, oh I don't know, the leg of a smaller table to penetrate themselves for masturbatory uses? Where's the difference?

For me, at least, it's not so much outrage as I didn't need those images in my brain. Ever.

For me, at least, it's not so much outrage as I didn't need those images in my brain. Ever.

So you don't care if he does it, as long as you don't have to know about it?

pics or it didn't happen

I think he should not have done that in public, but a felony? thats a little too serious for this offense.

Seriously, why is this a felony? Sure, it's gross, but a felony?

Because it's within sight of a school, apparently.

Seriously, why is this a felony? Sure, it's gross, but a felony?
Because it was within sight of places "children frequent."

So you don't care if he does it, as long as you don't have to know about it?

Pretty much, yeah. There's a lot of stuff tha people do that I feel no particular need to know about.

pics or it didn't happen

No! Bad plan! BAD PLAN! (http://thewickedpinto.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/fat-guy-2.jpg)

I don't want to see a picture of that fucking picnic table!

(That image is now burned into your brain. Your mind will never be clean again.)

Because it's within sight of a school, apparently.

Whats the worst thing that could happen? Some kid goes home and tries it? This is a victimless crime. The table had it cumming.

Pretty much, yeah. There's a lot of stuff tha people do that I feel no particular need to know about.

You'd probably have preferred for this thread to be titled "You don't want to know!", then?


Andaras: There's video, apparently. It doesn't need to be posted here.

In fact, it definitely needs to not be posted here.

No! Bad plan! BAD PLAN! (http://thewickedpinto.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/fat-guy-2.jpg)

I don't want to see a picture of that fucking picnic table!

(That image is now burned into your brain. Your mind will never be clean again.)
Dude, that's wrong, I'll never be able to close my eyes again now.

Dude, that's wrong, I'll never be able to close my eyes again now.

Nope :D

pics or it didn't happen

The neighbor has a video >_>

Whats the worst thing that could happen? Some kid goes home and tries it?

Splinters.

No! Bad plan! BAD PLAN! (http://thewickedpinto.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/fat-guy-2.jpg)

*gouges eyes out*

Splinters.

It said he was doing it with the umbrella hole. How many wooden picnic tables have umbrella holes? I betcha it was either metal or plastic. Anybody find the video yet?

Alright, I'll say it for the world at large here:

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Alright, I'll say it for the world at large here:WHAT THE FUCK?!
Yes, that is pretty much what it was.

*gouges eyes out*

*Cauterizes sockets to prevent death from blood loss.*

*gouges eyes out*

And it will never go away. Every time you see a picnic table, you will envision that man having loud, passionate, juicy sex with it. Whenever you see or hear the word "picnic table" you will also see that.

You have now been programmed. Go about your business, and avoid picnic tables like the plague.

More importantly, did the Picnic table give consent?

Not explicitly, but it wasn't even wearing a table cloth. It was clearly asking for it.

And it will never go away. Every time you see a picnic table, you will envision that man having loud, passionate, juicy sex with it. Whenever you see or hear the word "picnic table" you will also see that.

You have now been programmed. Go about your business, and avoid picnic tables like the plague.

Now....now.. *sobs pitifully* I can never eat at a picnic table again. Ever. Again.

I guess I can always sit on the grass. Though you never know when some arsehole is going to come around and start having sex with the ground. Then it all goes down the crapper.
In fact, that may be the impetus for developing hovercars.

And it will never go away. Every time you see a picnic table, you will envision that man having loud, passionate, juicy sex with it. Whenever you see or hear the word "picnic table" you will also see that.

You have now been programmed. Go about your business, and avoid picnic tables like the plague.

*wraps piano wire around your throat and starts choking*

Not explicitly, but it wasn't even wearing a table cloth. It was clearly asking for it.

You win a thread.*


*not redeemable on any other forum, expires within 15 minutes of reception

*wraps piano wire around your throat and starts choking*

You think that's bad...
We've programmed our roommate with "tricycle" to think about all of us having lesbian scat sex with his mom.

*wraps piano wire around your throat and starts choking*

How'd you catch him, with no eyes?

How'd you catch him, with no eyes?

The way Dare Devil does it

The way Dare Devil does it

Plot holes and bad acting?

That's what it sounds like so far.

Is this the same guy that was caught having sex with a bicycle a while ago? :p

Still havn't figured that one out ;)

Still havn't figured that one out ;)

"It's just like #@&%ing a bicycle..."

"It's just like #@&%ing a bicycle..."

That a LICD reference?

That a LICD reference?

10 points!

I thought about searching for the actual comic earlier but then realized, no, no I'm not doing that.

10 points!
Can I haz trade 4 cookie?

I thought about searching for the actual comic earlier but then realized, no, no I'm not doing that.
Yea. I'm not that dedicated either. :p

Can I haz trade 4 cookie?

Yes, you can has.


Yea. I'm not that dedicated either. :p

I actually did it, once. Someday I will find it again, and I need to remember to save the damn URL.

It said he was doing it with the umbrella hole. How many wooden picnic tables have umbrella holes? I betcha it was either metal or plastic. Anybody find the video yet?

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.redswebbuys.com/images/TO48_set_s.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.redswebbuys.com/&h=332&w=361&sz=17&hl=en&start=5&tbnid=vO1k8JANyMmB2M:&tbnh=111&tbnw=121&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dpicnic%2Btable%2Band%2Bumbrella%26gbv%3D2%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DG
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.lizardholidaycottages.co.uk/users/www.lizardholidaycottages.co.uk/upload/glosterbackgarden.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.lizardholidaycottages.co.uk/index.php%3Ff%3Ddata_gloster_cottage_coverack%26a%3D0&h=620&w=930&sz=89&hl=en&start=33&tbnid=WTG1cO4ML2YsKM:&tbnh=98&tbnw=147&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dpicnic%2Btable%2Band%2Bumbrella%26start%3D18%26gbv%3D2%26ndsp%3D18%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN


sharp edges, then

sharp edges, then

Ow. My wang hurts, now.

Ow. My wang hurts, now.

I think the "Do as I say, not as I do" lesson may be appropriate...

Not that I did anything with a park bench.. I mean.. picnic table.. Uh.. yea, that was just a hypothetical and standard 'I'.

I saw that on AOTS today too

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.redswebbuys.com/images/TO48_set_s.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.redswebbuys.com/&h=332&w=361&sz=17&hl=en&start=5&tbnid=vO1k8JANyMmB2M:&tbnh=111&tbnw=121&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dpicnic%2Btable%2Band%2Bumbrella%26gbv%3D2%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DG
http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.lizardholidaycottages.co.uk/users/www.lizardholidaycottages.co.uk/upload/glosterbackgarden.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.lizardholidaycottages.co.uk/index.php%3Ff%3Ddata_gloster_cottage_coverack%26a%3D0&h=620&w=930&sz=89&hl=en&start=33&tbnid=WTG1cO4ML2YsKM:&tbnh=98&tbnw=147&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dpicnic%2Btable%2Band%2Bumbrella%26start%3D18%26gbv%3D2%26ndsp%3D18%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN
sharp edges, then
Whoa! I thought porn wasn't allowed to be posted on NS!?

I think the "Do as I say, not as I do" lesson may be appropriate...

The thought alone is enough.

Not that I did anything with a park bench.. I mean.. picnic table.. Uh.. yea, that was just a hypothetical and standard 'I'.

Did hypothetical "you" use lube?

Not that I did anything with a park bench.. I mean.. picnic table.. Uh.. yea, that was just a hypothetical and standard 'I'.

Uh-huh. We believe you.

The thought alone is enough.
Then use the force.
Did hypothetical "you" use lube?
Hypothetically, it was raining.
Uh-huh. We believe you.
As well you should.

Then use the force.

To masturbate?

Hypothetically, it was raining.

Hypothetically, is your neighbor nosy and/or pervy and own a camera?

To masturbate?

To extend your lightsaber.
Hypothetically, is your neighbor nosy and/or pervy and own a camera?
Hypothetically it was a public park and hypothetically it was nighttime because hypothetically you want to give the furniture a nice varnish and get to know it before being all frisky or doing any sort of stroking against the grain.

To extend your lightsaber.

My schwartz?

Hypothetically it was a public park and hypothetically it was nighttime because hypothetically you want to give the furniture a nice varnish and get to know it before being all frisky or doing any sort of stroking against the grain.

Hypothetically, of course.

How lousy of a lay must the wife have been when the picnic table is looking like a better option?

Maybe he didn't have many options? At least the table won't insult him afterwards...

My schwartz?

If you say so, Yogurt.
Hypothetically, of course.
Yes.

Can you say splinters in places nature never intended them?

Ouch.

8 pages. Really?

I tried it once. Didnt get into it because the act seemed so, I dont know....wooden. That and the umbrella caught us doing it and got jealous. I ended up going to the hospital with a bloody anus because of that crazy bastard.

8 pages. Really?

We can make it to 9 if we try!

What brand of cigarettes does the table smoke?

Virginia Slims, of course.

Sorry the correct answer is Lucky Strike cigs. Ill be here all night.

Maybe they have different personalities then. It would seem rather butch for some hot wooden table to be smoking lucky strikes, dont you think?

I got to say, I can't really see how a hard cold hole on a table is anything like sticking it in a nice, moist, vagina.

I got to say, I can't really see how a hard cold hole on a table is anything like sticking it in a nice, moist, vagina.

Obviously, you are not an artiste.

I got to say, I can't really see how a hard cold hole on a table is anything like sticking it in a nice, moist, vagina.

If it was summer and sunny all day...and then suddenly rained lightly...and the table had been out there for a while and got a bit moldy...

Now put that together with this (http://thewickedpinto.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/fat-guy-2.jpg). Your brain hates you right now.

If it was summer and sunny all day...and then suddenly rained lightly...and the table had been out there for a while and got a bit moldy...

Now put that together with this (http://thewickedpinto.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/fat-guy-2.jpg). Your brain hates you right now.

I would curse you, but mankind has not the words!

I would curse you, but mankind has not the words!

Like Wilgrove, you have now been programmed. Congratulations, you will never have a picnic again.

Like Wilgrove, you have now been programmed. Congratulations, you will never have a picnic again.

Or, hypothetically, I might just be a bit friendlier with the furniture... ;)

Or, hypothetically, I might just be a bit friendlier with the furniture... ;)

Either way...

If it was summer and sunny all day...and then suddenly rained lightly...and the table had been out there for a while and got a bit moldy...

Now put that together with this (http://thewickedpinto.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/fat-guy-2.jpg). Your brain hates you right now.

*takes an axe and chops your hands, feet and head off*

*takes an axe and chops your hands, feet and head off*

Could be worse...It could be the fat guy and his twin having sex on top of the table.

Can i throw up yet, pleeeease? My fiance always tells me the news, but i think for once i might have actually out done him...so bittersweet.

See, people, the trick is to not click on Rhyno's links. Especially if you don't know where they go. Or do know, and want to avoid it.

See, people, the trick is to not click on Rhyno's links. Especially if you don't know where they go. Or do know, and want to avoid it.

Not all of the stuff I link to is dodgy. This (http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?RhynoD) one is perfectly work safe, thank you very much.

True, true. And I know what it is.

Quite an interesting one, really.

True, true. And I know what it is.

Quite an interesting one, really.

Always a hit, eh? (http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?RhynoD)

I'm stunned by the mature nature you displayed in that post RhynoD :D very nicely done actually, seems I'll fall for anything...

I'm stunned by the mature nature you displayed in that post RhynoD :D very nicely done actually, seems I'll fall for anything...

It's a talent, really. A gift.

Not all of the stuff I link to is dodgy. This (http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?RhynoD) one is perfectly work safe, thank you very much.

So now what?

It must be, I've yet to be blessed with a gift such as yours....ohh teach me that way yoda...erm, I mean RhynoD

It must be, I've yet to be blessed with a gift such as yours....ohh teach me that way yoda...erm, I mean RhynoD

God of Spam will do nicely, thank you.

All questions will be answered at the Social Spam Alliance (http://z8.invisionfree.com/SSA05/index.php[/url).

God of Spam it is

The 'nude that close to a school' part actually worries me. When they crack down hard enough on furniture lovers, will they bring the crusade indoors to morning showers and marital relations in bedrooms?! Aiee...!

I think he should take up dating chainsaws ...

Four times - that implies a degree of commitment. So next they move in together?

or

Little Johnnie to his mother on the way home from school - "Mommie, is that man hurt? He's making funny noises."

or

Molesting the table? Was it underage?

This is major LOL.

On that note, 22 girls die every year from pleasuring themselves on toilet plunger handles and slipping.

And how many die from pleasuring themselves with the toilet plunger handles and then catching some fatal infection?

http://www.destructoid.com/blogs/lucbernard/nvgr-picnic-table-now-pregnant-78361.phtml

This thread is useless without pictures!

*Mocks* :D

*tackles Moleland 2 to the floor, and proceeds to pour brainbleach up his nose*:D

So now what?

Join in the fun? (http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?RhynoD)

And how many die from pleasuring themselves with the toilet plunger handles and then catching some fatal infection?

Not sure. I suppose it's asking too much from someone sticking a plunger in her cootch, but I would hope they would use a clean one.

This thread is useless without pictures!

We've been over this:
BAD IDEA! (http://thewickedpinto.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/fat-guy-2.jpg)

Clicky (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/03/31/picnic_table_incident/)



All I can say, there's some strange people in the world :rolleyes:

Maybe he's a member of N.A.M.P.T.L.A.*?


North American Man Picnic Table Love Association

What makes me laugh is that there is a law that's so specific.

What makes me laugh is that there is a law that's so specific.

You mean, as specific as to prohibit sexual conduct / nudity in "public places children are highly likely to frequent"?

Right.

And this is why some people encourage abstanence(typo).

And this is why some people encourage abstanence(typo).

Why exactly? So that all that pent-up sexual pressure will drive people to relieve themselves in awkward situations with inanimate objects in a school zone? Great reason to encourage abstinence, really.

And this is why some people encourage abstanence(typo).I see no connection. Care to elaborate?

I see no connection. Care to elaborate?

You know, I've thought long and hard about this, and I think I've got it now:

You see, them sex ed people try to teach kids that the best way to have sex is with some latex wrapped around all and any participating penises, which can easily be overgeneralized into saying that sex ed people generally instill the idea into the kids that all sex with some sort of plastic-y tube-like thing around the penis is absolutely superior sex, which then smoothly leads to the conclusion that the poor kids will be likely to feel encouraged to take up sexual relationships with their parents' picnic tables, vacuum cleaners, etc.

Quite plausible, if you look at it like that.

You know, I've thought long and hard about this, and I think I've got it now:

You see, them sex ed people try to teach kids that the best way to have sex is with some latex wrapped around all and any participating penises, which can easily be overgeneralized into saying that sex ed people generally instill the idea into the kids that all sex with some sort of plastic-y tube-like thing around the penis is absolutely superior sex, which then smoothly leads to the conclusion that the poor kids will be likely to feel encouraged to take up sexual relationships with their parents' picnic tables, vacuum cleaners, etc.

Quite plausible, if you look at it like that.:eek:

There's only a few things that non-native English speakers should never do and native English speakers should take pains to avoid, and that's referring to plural nouns as "them plural nouns"...

:eek:

There's only a few things that non-native English speakers should never do and native English speakers should take pains to avoid, and that's referring to plural nouns as "them plural nouns"...

What you're saying is that I've spent too much time on them NSG fora with all them unedumacated NSG lowlife grammar illiterates?

What you're saying is that I've spent too much time on them NSG fora with all them unedumacated NSG lowlife grammar illiterates?You're only making it worse for yourself!
Making it worse? How could it be worse? Jehova! Jehova! Jehova!

You're only making it worse for yourself!
Making it worse? How could it be worse? Jehova! Jehova! Jehova!

How very fucking exquisite.
Now, do not use the name of the Lord in vain, teacher.

Why was the neighbor taping it?! :eek:
$25,000? Hanging out with Bob Saget?

One thing out of all this is certain - I will never again look at picnic tables in the same way. I'll always wonder - did it or didn't it?

One thing out of all this is certain - I will never again look at picnic tables in the same way. I'll always wonder - did it or didn't it?
Have an orgasm, or what?