NationStates Jolt Archive

So a little episode in my father's side of my family has led me beyond the path of simple disassociation or unfreindlyness with my family, to actual hate. I'm strongly considering severing all ties with that side of my family (Except my father) and blatantly telling them I want nothing to do with them.
Is that really wrong, or, provided good reason, am I in the right here?

I'll give you a little background here so you know where I'm comming from.
My father's family are all (very hypocrital) Anglicans, I guess it would not be a stretch to say "backwater ignorant" Anglicans. Quite a bit of racisim, hidden of course, there as well. I'm sure I don't need to go into detail about that. They're all backstabbing, most of my aunts and uncles there are addicted to some heavy drugs, or have been, and there are rumors of incest happening between some of them in a sick sick way. Not to mention I wouldn't trust any of them around kids. But to me that's all grounds to njust not like, and avoid them.

To downright hate you need to go deeper. Like recently I learned something that disturbs even me. An uncle of mine, who is known to be a con artist and generally low-life scum, whom my grandmother seems to do anything he says and believes he can do no wrong, has recently "arranged a marriage" between a freind of his from the middle east, and a cousin of mine (Not his daughter) who is just barely 18. Now, knowing my uncle, he's getting money out of this, so it's quite fair to say he basicly sold her to this man. This really comes of no surprise to me. What comes as a surprise is that my cousin and her mother (Also a cousin) both agreed to this without any more information, readily. And then we get weird folks. Apparently this man to who she was sold is a wealthy man, who went to Egypt recently to do some buisness, but now can not leave because, according to my uncle "he has too much money". Confused yet? It's getting better. To further this, my uncle arranged for my cousin to fly to Egypt to marry him, all paid for by my grandmother for some reason (Yet he has too much money?) and bring him back here to Canada. Ok, so we know my uncle knows nothing about citizenship and immigration laws in Canada, let alone Egypt, and apparently neither does any of my family because they all readily agreed to this. Sounds dumb eh?

So let's fast forward a little bit to where my Sister (Someone with a brain) convinces the mother of my cousin involved to be cautious about this, so she decides that she's OK with it, but to make sure it's all right she will go with her daughter to Egypt. Except not. Apparently she can't go because there's not enough money for both (Again, I thought he had "too much money"?). And then, only like a week ago, did she finally step in and think something's wrong here.

Now seriously, this reeks of human trafficking and slavery. In fact this whole situation is just plain wrong on soo many levels.

But does it justify me hating them? Like outright, real hatred, not strong dislike, but "I refuse contact or association with you, go rot in hell" hatred.
Am I in the right there? And for that matter, how do you define the right for such family matters?

Is it wrong to hate your family?

It depends, really.

No it's not. It's not wrong to hate anyone if you have a good reason.

So a little episode in my father's side of my family has led me beyond the path of simple disassociation or unfreindlyness with my family, to actual hate. I'm strongly considering severing all ties with that side of my family (Except my father) and blatantly telling them I want nothing to do with them.
Is that really wrong, or, provided good reason, am I in the right here?

I'll give you a little background here so you know where I'm comming from.
My father's family are all (very hypocrital) Anglicans, I guess it would not be a stretch to say "backwater ignorant" Anglicans. Quite a bit of racisim, hidden of course, there as well. I'm sure I don't need to go into detail about that. They're all backstabbing, most of my aunts and uncles there are addicted to some heavy drugs, or have been, and there are rumors of incest happening between some of them in a sick sick way. Not to mention I wouldn't trust any of them around kids. But to me that's all grounds to njust not like, and avoid them.

To downright hate you need to go deeper. Like recently I learned something that disturbs even me. An uncle of mine, who is known to be a con artist and generally low-life scum, whom my grandmother seems to do anything he says and believes he can do no wrong, has recently "arranged a marriage" between a freind of his from the middle east, and a cousin of mine (Not his daughter) who is just barely 18. Now, knowing my uncle, he's getting money out of this, so it's quite fair to say he basicly sold her to this man. This really comes of no surprise to me. What comes as a surprise is that my cousin and her mother (Also a cousin) both agreed to this without any more information, readily. And then we get weird folks. Apparently this man to who she was sold is a wealthy man, who went to Egypt recently to do some buisness, but now can not leave because, according to my uncle "he has too much money". Confused yet? It's getting better. To further this, my uncle arranged for my cousin to fly to Egypt to marry him, all paid for by my grandmother for some reason (Yet he has too much money?) and bring him back here to Canada. Ok, so we know my uncle knows nothing about citizenship and immigration laws in Canada, let alone Egypt, and apparently neither does any of my family because they all readily agreed to this. Sounds dumb eh?

So let's fast forward a little bit to where my Sister (Someone with a brain) convinces the mother of my cousin involved to be cautious about this, so she decides that she's OK with it, but to make sure it's all right she will go with her daughter to Egypt. Except not. Apparently she can't go because there's not enough money for both (Again, I thought he had "too much money"?). And then, only like a week ago, did she finally step in and think something's wrong here.

Now seriously, this reeks of human trafficking and slavery. In fact this whole situation is just plain wrong on soo many levels.

But does it justify me hating them? Like outright, real hatred, not strong dislike, but "I refuse contact or association with you, go rot in hell" hatred.
Am I in the right there? And for that matter, how do you define the right for such family matters?

Nope, it isn´t wrong. It happens to us all at one time or another.

Nope, that's a very valid reason to hate them.

i dont think that you should hate them but i dont see any reason to include them in your life.

I'm a bit of a hypocrite, to be quite honest. Because of my faith, I hold the view that hatred for other humans is a bad thing. The contradiction is that I have feelings of hatred towards a very select group (essentially I only truly hate the Hitlers and Stalins of the world). Oh I do truly dislike a significant portion of the people I've met, but not true hatred.

That said, I dunno. If this is human trafficking then shouldn't you report it to the police? Anyway you can always let it be known that you think your uncle is--or at least is behavior matches that of--a disgusting human being. Bonus points if you capitalize on his "Anglican" beliefs and draw a comparison to Judas.

I don't think you have to "hate" your family to decide that they are people you don't want to associate with. You would keep around friends who behaved this way, so why deal with it from them? I've basically written off some of my extended family for some of the same reasons you listed (including the hard drugs and rumors of incest, but replace your uncle and "human trafficking" with my cousin "stealing his father's gold and driving across two state lines to be caught several weeks later with a body in the trunk").

I'm a bit of a hypocrite, to be quite honest. Because of my faith, I hold the view that hatred for other humans is a bad thing. The contradiction is that I have feelings of hatred towards a very select group (essentially I only truly hate the Hitlers and Stalins of the world). Oh I do truly dislike a significant portion of the people I've met, but not true hatred.

That said, I dunno. If this is human trafficking then shouldn't you report it to the police? Anyway you can always let it be known that you think your uncle is--or at least is behavior matches that of--a disgusting human being. Bonus points if you capitalize on his "Anglican" beliefs and draw a comparison to Judas.

Oh the police won't do crap. They'll say she was agreeing to the whole thing, because she'll agree to whatever anyone tells her (No joke, she will), and won't bother.

I believe he knows quite clearly he disgusts me. Even though he tries to be freindly sometimes like at family gatherings (Which this year I have not been going to, only happen maybe twice a year anyway, and I only ever go to one, because my dad wants me to). But I have made it clear to him before that he disgusts me. My father, sister, and mother are all of the same mind, as are many of my cousins who have already selectivly distanced themselves from the family. I'm not really talking about them, but the core of the family that tries everything to stick together.

I once tried to play on their religion to get them to see their stupidity, although with more care then I write here. It didn't work. They really are hypocritical about religion. "It's ok to be atheist, but not Catholic". "Have you been going to church?" when they don't go to church, ever. I'm not Christian and I know more about christianity, and more of the bible, then any of them.

At least with this instance of strong anti-thing feelings, I have gotten away from viloent reactions. Normally my first reaction would be to threaten death on him for this crap. Apparently I'm just too disgusted for even my viloent nature to want to be involved. That must be saying something.

it's only wrong if it's ruining your life. I hate my family so I don't talk to any of them. It's great. I have in laws though so it's like throwing away a dysfunctional family and getting a bunch of new family in exchange!

I'd say it's wrong to hate any other person, as it can only lead to unhappiness for all concerned.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't try to avoid them, or even not get a restraining order. In fact, if they're as screwed up as you describe them, both would be very good ideas. But I'd say hating them is a bad idea. It assumes moral superiority, "casting the first stone" and all that.

The moment I get a place of my own I'm keeping my distance from all of my family except for my father. I don't want anything to do with them.

So, no, it's not wrong.

It assumes moral superiority...

Well... If his uncle does human trafficking, it wouldn't take Gandhi to have moral superiority over the uncle.

So a little episode in my father's side of my family has led me beyond the path of simple disassociation or unfreindlyness with my family, to actual hate. I'm strongly considering severing all ties with that side of my family (Except my father) and blatantly telling them I want nothing to do with them.
Is that really wrong, or, provided good reason, am I in the right here?

I'll give you a little background here so you know where I'm comming from.
My father's family are all (very hypocrital) Anglicans, I guess it would not be a stretch to say "backwater ignorant" Anglicans. Quite a bit of racisim, hidden of course, there as well. I'm sure I don't need to go into detail about that. They're all backstabbing, most of my aunts and uncles there are addicted to some heavy drugs, or have been, and there are rumors of incest happening between some of them in a sick sick way. Not to mention I wouldn't trust any of them around kids. But to me that's all grounds to njust not like, and avoid them.

To downright hate you need to go deeper. Like recently I learned something that disturbs even me. An uncle of mine, who is known to be a con artist and generally low-life scum, whom my grandmother seems to do anything he says and believes he can do no wrong, has recently "arranged a marriage" between a freind of his from the middle east, and a cousin of mine (Not his daughter) who is just barely 18. Now, knowing my uncle, he's getting money out of this, so it's quite fair to say he basicly sold her to this man. This really comes of no surprise to me. What comes as a surprise is that my cousin and her mother (Also a cousin) both agreed to this without any more information, readily. And then we get weird folks. Apparently this man to who she was sold is a wealthy man, who went to Egypt recently to do some buisness, but now can not leave because, according to my uncle "he has too much money". Confused yet? It's getting better. To further this, my uncle arranged for my cousin to fly to Egypt to marry him, all paid for by my grandmother for some reason (Yet he has too much money?) and bring him back here to Canada. Ok, so we know my uncle knows nothing about citizenship and immigration laws in Canada, let alone Egypt, and apparently neither does any of my family because they all readily agreed to this. Sounds dumb eh?

So let's fast forward a little bit to where my Sister (Someone with a brain) convinces the mother of my cousin involved to be cautious about this, so she decides that she's OK with it, but to make sure it's all right she will go with her daughter to Egypt. Except not. Apparently she can't go because there's not enough money for both (Again, I thought he had "too much money"?). And then, only like a week ago, did she finally step in and think something's wrong here.

Now seriously, this reeks of human trafficking and slavery. In fact this whole situation is just plain wrong on soo many levels.

But does it justify me hating them? Like outright, real hatred, not strong dislike, but "I refuse contact or association with you, go rot in hell" hatred.
Am I in the right there? And for that matter, how do you define the right for such family matters?

Is it right to hate these particular people, or is it more just to hate the Egyptian/Arab culture that they are victims of, that caused them all to hold the twisted values that they do.

What determined these peoples' attitudes and behavior? Do they exist in a vacuum, or is it the result of a certain cultural upbringing.

If you hate the people brought up this way, shouldn't you hate the culture that brought them up this way even more, since it is responsible for this same behavior on a grand scale?

If you ever get over the craziness that you're probably feeling right now, write this story down and find a publisher. Because it's just fucked-up enough to be interesting.
And it would piss them off.

That probably wasn't very helpful advice, but I dunno what kind of guy you are... although you've probably guessed how I feel about the question you posed. Go ahead and hate.

Well... If his uncle does human trafficking, it wouldn't take Gandhi to have moral superiority over the uncle.
We don't know that. Maybe the OP's upset because his uncle didn't cut him in on the deal. ;)

But seriously, moral superiority is not something a person can determine. I think he should turn his uncle into the authorities so that he will be punished for his crime, if it is a crime. But there's a difference between saying, "what you did was awful" and "I am better than you."

We don't know that. Maybe the OP's upset because his uncle didn't cut him in on the deal. ;)

But seriously, moral superiority is not something a person can determine. I think he should turn his uncle into the authorities so that he will be punished for his crime, if it is a crime. But there's a difference between saying, "what you did was awful" and "I am better than you."

Maybe so, but you've got to admit he'd have to be pretty low not to be better than his uncle. :p

I'm fine with proclaiming moral superiority with them, especially that uncle. Been doing that since I was 12.

Is it right to hate these particular people, or is it more just to hate the Egyptian/Arab culture that they are victims of, that caused them all to hold the twisted values that they do.

What determined these peoples' attitudes and behavior? Do they exist in a vacuum, or is it the result of a certain cultural upbringing.

If you hate the people brought up this way, shouldn't you hate the culture that brought them up this way even more, since it is responsible for this same behavior on a grand scale?

Apart from the cousin who's sale is in question (Who is half black), the entire family is white, English, Canadian. They've grown up in the same culture I have, as have several members of this forum who live in the same province as me (No I will not tell you what family I am talking about, those of you who may be able to find them). Whatever values they had, they've had long long long before any of them ever knew where the middle east was.

As to the Arab/Egyptian thing, a little racist isn't it? I mean, my sister's boyfreind is a Syrian Arab who was born in Saudi Arabia, and even he's both disgusted (At everything) and confused (At what the hell is going on) about this. Second, as far as I know the man who "bought" her, is not Egyptian.

You'd think I'd hate the culture, but you seem to be imposing the idea that it's Arab culture that's causing this little situation. It isn't. Even I know enough about Arab culture to have figured out this is pretty stupid. Liken that to the fact my family in question are all white Anglophones, it's hard to bring about. If that were the case I'd have to hate Canadian culture, but being Canadian myself and growing up around here, I can't see that as being the cause. Maybe moreso the family culture itself, which is only built within the core group of the family (And thus does not affect me because I avoid them). In which case, that's exactly what I'm doing.

i don't think its a question of morality so much as one of stupidity, to hate anyone as an individual nor as an ethnicity. hate hurts the hater as much and often more then the hated.

as for families, i've never understood how or why cosanguinity should have that much to do with emotional affection. then again that could be because i've only met a few members of my mother's side a few times and none of my father's side, as far as i know of, ever.

each of my parents families hated, or so i'm told, and i've no reason to disbelieve this, the other's. this was one of the several reasons i grew up the other side of a continent from where the both where.

but this idea of 'loving' someone, because the're related to you by blood, i just can't, never could, get my head arround making any sense out of.

then again i'm not that much of a people oriented person at all anyway.

hate and love are both stronger emotions then i've ever entirely felt for even my own parents themselves. though i've aways wished them both happiness and well.

to me its like ok, so they gave me this body i walk arround in, and i DO appreciate it, but i don't see how that makes anybody any better or worse, or their company more or less desirable, then anyone else.

=^^=
.../\...

Get a livejournal already.

And to answer your question: it's not wrong to hate them, but "hate" is a very strong word, so they would have to do something really bad for you to hate them...

Nothing wrong with hating one's family, that's perfectly normal.
I went through very much the same, although no human trafficing was involved. My family at some point decided it would be great to cheat charities out of donation money... among other things I don't want to go into details about.

By now, I just sometimes hear what they get up to through the grapevine, as I've got no more contact with any of them, we don't even live in the same country any more. It makes life so much easier. For example, I won't have to invite any of those leeches to my wedding now :)

Hate them now, as I said, it's normal. Once you can cut the ties with them completely, that hatred will diminish into dislike and general apathy.

Oh, the police won't do crap. They'll say she was agreeing to the whole thing, because she'll agree to whatever anyone tells her (No joke, she will), and won't bother.

All I can say is she needs to be more assertive if she needs help. "Ask and you shall receive." The authorities would see it as merely a cultural clash and not want to get involved unless there's clear evidence of mistreatment, e.g. if, God forbid, she's been beaten.

I once tried to play on their religion to get them to see their stupidity, although with more care then I write here. It didn't work. They really are hypocritical about religion. "It's OK to be atheist, but not Catholic". "Have you been going to church?" when they don't go to church, ever. I'm not Christian and I know more about Christianity, and more of the Bible, then any of them.

I don't see the hypocrisy here. Replace "Catholic" with "Muslim" and you have a fairly common view in the United States.

At least with this instance of strong anti-thing feelings, I have gotten away from violent reactions. Normally, my first reaction would be to threaten death on him for this crap. Apparently I'm just too disgusted for even my violent nature to want to be involved. That must be saying something.

I'm not normally one to advocate violence, but human traffickers are the scum of the earth. They're even lower than slavers. At least a slaver tells you what they plan to do with you.

Do try and get your cousin to back out first, though. for God's sake. You wouldn't be any help if you got jailed for bashing this Egyptian to a pulp.

Oh the whole thing is "suspended" right now since my cousin's mom realised how stupid this was because she couldn't go with her daughter. I'll give her that for the brains to know something about safety. If a mother can't go with her daughter somewhere to make sure she's safe, and that mother lets the daughter go anyway, especially in cases like this, she should be shot for stupidity.

I don't even care to know how it turns out, at this point I'm convinced they're all degenerates, or dumb fucking idiots.

Oh the whole thing is "suspended" right now since my cousin's mom realised how stupid this was because she couldn't go with her daughter. I'll give her that for the brains to know something about safety. If a mother can't go with her daughter somewhere to make sure she's safe, and that mother lets the daughter go anyway, especially in cases like this, she should be shot for stupidity.

I don't even care to know how it turns out, at this point I'm convinced they're all degenerates, or dumb fucking idiots.

*shudder* id be staying as far away from them as possible

but id still keep up with the news so i could enjoy dissing them to my friends. its good to have stories to tell.

but id still keep up with the news so i could enjoy dissing them to my friends. its good to have stories to tell.

Best reason to post it here.
I know they're idiots. But it's not as funny unless I let the world know.

Best reason to post it here.
I know they're idiots. But it's not as funny unless I let the world know.

while my family is not as bad as yours...

or as bad as the stories of other posters in this thread...

i do enjoy bad mouthing them when they do something particularly moronic.

Your family are just people who share a lot of genes with you. Hate them all you want.

Your uncle is pure human.