NationStates Jolt Archive

I thought this was a cool story

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/03/12/wdolphin112.xml

A dolphin led a couple of whales confused by a sandbar to open water and saved their lives in doing so.

lol

that is very cool

Go dolphins!
and that's why they should be employed as life guards. Well the dolphins that don't eat people.

Go dolphins!
and that's why they should be employed as life guards. Well the dolphins that don't eat people.

They only eat people when there no change of being caught so we should be safe.

But I thought non-human animals were unintelligent beasts only capable of eating, sleeping, and moving around...

Very cool. This why dolphins are my favourite animals. So intelligent.

Very cool. This is why dolphins are my favourite animals. So intelligent.

dolphins simply rule.

Goddamn dolphins, they rawk like rawk socks

I thought this was a cool story

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/03/12/wdolphin112.xml

A dolphin led a couple of whales confused by a sandbar to open water and saved their lives in doing so.

So long! And thanks for all the fish.

Of course the liberal media is leaving out that the dolphins lead the whales into an ambush by giant squid.

Well, if we could have understood what the dolphin 'said' we'd find out that the dolphin was being a total dick about it.

"Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with you two morons? There's only two directions, ocean and not ocean, which way do you think this one is, geniuses? You're making us look stupid in front of the bipeds."

"Shut up, don't you have a tuna net to get caught in."

"Ha ha. I'm not the retard trying to swim on beach. You morons coming or what?"

"Fine, but not because you say."

"Whatever. Dipshits."

Very cool. This is why dolphins are my favourite animals. So intelligent.

O Rly?

(The following is mostly quoted from Cracked, since they so eloquently stated it when I read that article)

Article: The 6 Cutest Animals That Can Still Destroy You.
6. Hippopotamus (Hippopotamus amphibius)
5. Duck-Billed Platypus (Ornithorhynchus anatinus)
4. Dingo (Canis lupus dingo)
3. Chimpanzee (Pan troglodytes)
2. Swan (Anatidae Cygnus, dozens of subspecies)
1. Bottlenose Dolphin (Tursiops truncatus)

No way. No fucking way. What the hell are dolphins doing here?

This cannot be right. These guys save humans. Every other year or so, some diver or something gets lost out at sea, these guys bring them home. For fuck's sake, in November of 2004, a bunch of these guys banded together and saved three lifeguards from a great white shark off the coast of New Zealand.

They're fucking dolphins.

They can talk. They shoot high-pitched chirps and squeaks back and forth, slap their tails in the surf and jump around to let each other know what kind of day they're having. This is the only animal in the world that Americans feel proud of not eating. This is fucking Flipper here, every third girl you met in college had at least one tattooed somewhere on her body.

No animal in the world is more closely linked to DayGlo rainbows.

It turns out they're sex-crazed thrill-killers. How's that for a plot twist?

For the last 17 years or so, marine biologists have begun paying a great deal of attention to dead baby dolphins and porpoises of all ages washing up ashore, and we quote, 'mangled in unexpected ways.'

The discovery that Bottlenose Dolphins were occasionally viciously reconfiguring their own children wasn't really all that much of a big deal. Humans are the only species on the planet that actually gives even a tiny shit about infanticide. It was what the dolphins were doing to the porpoises that entered the domain of the 'seriously fucked-up'.

Thirteen-foot male Bottlenose Dolphins were hunting down porpoises, beating to death and then playing with their corpses, all for no readily apparent reason. At the time of this writing, the majority opinion of the marine science community was that this breathtakingly savage interspecies homicide is for--and this is Science, here--shits 'n' giggles.

Reports of ludicrously sexually aggressive dolphins attempting to rape human women abound from all over the globe. And in 1994, a male Bottlenose off the coast of San Paolo, Brazil, that was noted to be fond of female human swimmers attacked a pair of human males that the dolphin apparently considered to be competition ... and killed one of them.

Sure, some accounts say the man was drunk, and was actively trying to shove a stick into the dolphin's blowhole at the time (http://outside.away.com/outside/magazine/0999/199909outthere.html). And several locals had apparently first tried to drag it out of the water so they could take a picture with it, maybe first dressing it up with a top hat and monocle.

And here, of course, we have arrived at our lesson: when dealing with animals, you need to forget everything you learned from cartoons. The results can be deadly otherwise.

Not so cute now, eh?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bG6b3V2MNxQ

Not so cute now, eh?

That reminds me - ever hear of sharkjacking?

Other than that, an ex-friend had a gf who liked to surf the net when she was hanging out with myself and Indisputability, and she ran across this link that showed you how to successfully give and receive from a dolphin to their satisfaction. Graphically, flowery, no expletives.
And the coveted "gettasquidouttame's" page where people had to have octopi/squid removed from them in some fashion or another.

This confirms what I have already known. And that is that dolphins are awesome. Come on, hurry it up with the uplift project already!

Not so cute now, eh?

YES! Thats what I've been trying to tell people! Sure, some dolphins seem to be nice, but for the most part, like humans, the vast majority are child-murdering sexaholics.