NationStates Jolt Archive

A dismal, dismal performance from the England cricket team last night; rubbish at the rugby; people continuing to believe in the great national myth that we actually have a decent football team; our best athlete is someone returning from a drugs ban; our best tennis player is a Scot.

Something is wrong with the state of English sport; for a period, it seemed like things were on the up, but they have come back down to earth now with a bump. Can anything be done to sort out the current mess, or should we just accept that we have always had aspirations far beyond our actual ability?

Fuck team sports.

We've got James Toseland, current World Superbike champion, who has just started the MotoGP season (and has a decent chance of winning that), Lewis Hamilton in F1, Mark Selby recently won the 2008 Masters in snooker, and is one of the favourites to win the world championship in May, David Haye has just added the WBO cruiserweight world title to the WBC and WBA ones he already had, and there are 3 Englishmen in the world's top 20 golfers.

And I haven't even started on women's sport.

The problems with both the cricket, and rugby, lie more in preparation, selection and mentality than actual ability. These could be addressed by actually altering coaching methods at a younger age, selecting the correct players (not Vainikolo, Balshaw and Harmison) and placing greater emphasis upon mental self-sufficiency and strength.

Where the football is concerned, I neither know, nor, as a United fan, care. Frankly, I'd rather watch United, and watch them win a major trophy, than watch England win anything everytime.

Fuck team sports.

We've got James Toseland, current World Superbike champion, who has just started the MotoGP season (and has a decent chance of winning that), Lewis Hamilton in F1, Mark Selby recently won the 2008 Masters in snooker, and is one of the favourites to win the world championship in May, David Haye has just added the WBO cruiserweight world title to the WBC and WBA ones he already had, and there are 3 Englishmen in the world's top 20 golfers.

And I haven't even started on women's sport.

God Lewis Hamilton makes my blood boil. Surely, with all his ability, money and fame, he could invest in a personality?

Where the football is concerned, I neither know, nor, as a United fan, care. Frankly, I'd rather watch United, and watch them win a major trophy, than watch England win anything everytime.
Giving up on football for a year then, are you? ;)

Giving up on football for a year then, are you? ;)

Why? We're still going to win the Premiership, and I don't see any substantially better teams in Europe.

However, all due respect to Arsenal. They really are something special now; just not as special as us.;)

I would just like to congratulate the Welsh rugby team on their recent spate of victories. I'm really gutted about the state of English sport, honest. ;)

It seems that every sport that the British invented they get thrashed by teams from former colonies

Invent a new sport. And for the love of all things holy, keep it simple this time! You overcomplicate everything! :mad:

And stop making up your own words form sports terminology! :mad:



:p

Alright, if you're going to create a new sport from cricket, I just have one stipulation! You have to include the phrase "sticky wicket".
Lol...sticky wicket

Darts. Just bomb the Dutch or something, or at least get them all banned from professional sports, and we're the winners right there.

We're also pretty good at 9-Ball pool, although in that sport we need the Dutch on-side to win the Mosconi Cup.

Alright, if you're going to create a new sport from cricket, I just have one stipulation! You have to include the phrase "sticky wicket".
Lol...sticky wicket

What about Brockian Ultra-Cricket?

Its rules are as follows:

Rule One: Grow at least three extra legs. You won't need them, but it keeps the crowds amused.

Rule Two: Find one good Brockian Ultra-Cricket player and clone him off a few times. This saves an enormous amount of tedious selection and training.

Rule Three: Put your team and the opposing team in a large field and build a high wall round them.
The reason for this is that, though the game is a major spectator sport, the frustration experienced by the audience at not actually being able to see what's going on leads them to imagine that it's a lot more exciting than it actually is. A crowd that has just watched a rather humdrum game experiences far less life-affirmation than a crowd that believes it has just missed the most dramatic event in sporting history.

Rule Four: Throw lots of assorted items of sporting equipment over the walls for the players. Anything will do — cricket bats, basecube bats, tennis guns, skis, anything you can get a good swing with.

Rule Five: The players should now lay about themselves for all they are worth with whatever they find to hand. Whenever a player scores a 'hit' on another player, he should immediately run away and apologize from a safe distance.
Apologies should be concise, sincere and, for maximum clarity and points, delivered through a megaphone.

Rule Six: The winning team shall be the first team that wins.

stolen shamelessly from Douglas Adams :)

Fuck team sports.

We've got James Toseland, current World Superbike champion, who has just started the MotoGP season (and has a decent chance of winning that), Lewis Hamilton in F1, Mark Selby recently won the 2008 Masters in snooker, and is one of the favourites to win the world championship in May, David Haye has just added the WBO cruiserweight world title to the WBC and WBA ones he already had, and there are 3 Englishmen in the world's top 20 golfers.

And I haven't even started on women's sport.

You don't even have to look beyond team sports. Great Britain toped the table for most medals won at the 07 rowing world champs and is looking pretty good for the olympics.

Fuck team sports.

We've got James Toseland, current World Superbike champion, who has just started the MotoGP season (and has a decent chance of winning that), Lewis Hamilton in F1, Mark Selby recently won the 2008 Masters in snooker, and is one of the favourites to win the world championship in May, David Haye has just added the WBO cruiserweight world title to the WBC and WBA ones he already had, and there are 3 Englishmen in the world's top 20 golfers.

And I haven't even started on women's sport.

I'm glad that they're doing well in those things, but what about the games where we're constantly told that we're 'world class', and yet can barely field a side capable of beating a local under 11s?

Perhaps it is a mindset; the England cricket team is full of bloody talented players, so how the hell they lose to New Zealand in such appalling fashion is flabbergasting. But how do you make someone believe that they're capable of winning when the facts show a string of losses?

A dismal, dismal performance from the England cricket team last night; rubbish at the rugby; people continuing to believe in the great national myth that we actually have a decent football team; our best athlete is someone returning from a drugs ban; our best tennis player is a Scot.

Something is wrong with the state of English sport; for a period, it seemed like things were on the up, but they have come back down to earth now with a bump. Can anything be done to sort out the current mess, or should we just accept that we have always had aspirations far beyond our actual ability?

We just have to invent yet another sport for the world, then we can be the best for a while until the rest get the hang of it AGAIN.:)

What about Brockian Ultra-Cricket?

Its rules are as follows:

Rule One: Grow at least three extra legs. You won't need them, but it keeps the crowds amused.

Rule Two: Find one good Brockian Ultra-Cricket player and clone him off a few times. This saves an enormous amount of tedious selection and training.

Rule Three: Put your team and the opposing team in a large field and build a high wall round them.
The reason for this is that, though the game is a major spectator sport, the frustration experienced by the audience at not actually being able to see what's going on leads them to imagine that it's a lot more exciting than it actually is. A crowd that has just watched a rather humdrum game experiences far less life-affirmation than a crowd that believes it has just missed the most dramatic event in sporting history.

Rule Four: Throw lots of assorted items of sporting equipment over the walls for the players. Anything will do — cricket bats, basecube bats, tennis guns, skis, anything you can get a good swing with.

Rule Five: The players should now lay about themselves for all they are worth with whatever they find to hand. Whenever a player scores a 'hit' on another player, he should immediately run away and apologize from a safe distance.
Apologies should be concise, sincere and, for maximum clarity and points, delivered through a megaphone.

Rule Six: The winning team shall be the first team that wins.

stolen shamelessly from Douglas Adams :)

Douglas Adams has a lot to be proud of!

I'm thinking we should just give sport up - the fact is, we invented sport so really, our work here is done. We've already won most of what needs to be won, we beat Canada in ice hockey already so we've even beaten those few nations that started their own sport so... well we should just give it up.

It's much better to say 'Well, yeah, we won everything already so we don't play anymore' and leave it to people to think we could be the best if we wanted to but we've moved on to better things.

Essentially, England needs to invent something new.

Why? We're still going to win the Premiership, and I don't see any substantially better teams in Europe.
We'll see. And as for 'substantially better teams in Europe', that's kinda irrelevant if you're going to put in the sort of performances we saw against Lyon. You'd better hope you draw Fenerbahçe or Schalke in the next round if you want to reach the semis.

However, all due respect to Arsenal. They really are something special now; just not as special as us.;)
Maybe, but usually when we have 20 shots on goal we actually manage to score...

We'll see. And as for 'substantially better teams in Europe', that's kinda irrelevant if you're going to put in the sort of performances we saw against Lyon. You'd better hope you draw Fenerbahçe or Schalke in the next round if you want to reach the semis.


Maybe, but usually when we have 20 shots on goal we actually manage to score...
Presuming that liverpool don't manage to screw things up against inter and that the draw is kind enough, I could see all 3 english teams in the semi-finals and an all-english final.Barcelonia seem to be the only contiental team that could be classed as real contenders for the trophy.

We'll see. And as for 'substantially better teams in Europe', that's kinda irrelevant if you're going to put in the sort of performances we saw against Lyon. You'd better hope you draw Fenerbahçe or Schalke in the next round if you want to reach the semis.


Maybe, but usually when we have 20 shots on goal we actually manage to score...

So do we...normally. We always have the odd game a season where we dominate play, fail to score, and then implode spectacularly; frankly, it wouldn't be the same without them.

I'm cautiously optimistic about the Champions League anyway; Lyon are a damn difficult side to actually beat, as Barca and Real Madrid have discovered several times. I really don't see any teams able to muster as much pure talent, sponteneity and attacking calibre as united, with the exception of Barcelona. Chelsea remain limited, and are now tactically naive, whilst Liverpool only score when Torres or Gerrard does anything.

Fuck team sports.

We've got James Toseland, current World Superbike champion, who has just started the MotoGP season (and has a decent chance of winning that)

Why do people keep going on about him? He won a second rate competition and has yet to prove that he's going to make any sort of impact at the top level.

A dismal, dismal performance from the England cricket team last night; rubbish at the rugby; people continuing to believe in the great national myth that we actually have a decent football team; our best athlete is someone returning from a drugs ban; our best tennis player is a Scot.

Something is wrong with the state of English sport; for a period, it seemed like things were on the up, but they have come back down to earth now with a bump. Can anything be done to sort out the current mess, or should we just accept that we have always had aspirations far beyond our actual ability?

How about the critical lack of sports and playing fields for kids to play games on. Or the absence of sports from terrestrial television. Or our national leagues dependence on foreign talent.

They are three big reasons I think.

There's the finals for world Olympic qualifier for hockey coming up. Let's see what happens there

http://www.rediff.com/sports/2008/mar/09hock.htm
India, England to meet in final

one major issue is the selling off of playing fields...

Maybe, but usually when we have 20 shots on goal we actually manage to score...

True, but generally United don't go to a ground where they're expected to do ok and then get hammered 4-0. ;)

Perhaps they could learn to fence?

http://www.labs.net/elster99/Fencing/Pictures/Epee.gif

I'm all for an organised Calvinball league.

Which reminds me... *Plot plot scheme*

Just implement an immigration policy that is heavily biased in favour of young black boys. And then wait.

Well, England defeated India and booked a berth in the Olympics Hockey. I didn't know England had a good hockey team !

Chess, yo.

I would just like to congratulate the Welsh rugby team on their recent spate of victories. I'm really gutted about the state of English sport, honest. ;)

I couldn't agree more.
I'm devastated for England. No, really I am. Perhaps they'd like us to take their tour to New Zealand instead, or are they going to try to improve on their 76 - 0 bitchslapping by Australia? :D

what England needs is another Dennis Compton

what England needs is another Dennis Compton

To be honest, I'd settle for the current lot playing to their full potential. It's not as if the guys we've got are rubbish, which is another reason it's so frustrating when they don't perform!

Ah, the English. A never ending source of amusement. Particularly when they build themselves up believing they can actually win something, then come crashing down. It was worth losing the 2005 Ashes in order to witness the bitterness & disappointment following their subsequent spectacular underachievements. :p

Ah, the English. A never ending source of amusement. Particularly when they build themselves up believing they can actually win something, then come crashing down. It was worth losing the 2005 Ashes in order to witness the bitterness & disappointment following their subsequent spectacular underachievements. :p

Although it's worth pointing out that they did dump you lot out of the Rugby World Cup.

Again.

That's three times now I believe :p