NationStates Jolt Archive

...that the more someone plays a part in my life (the extreme would be my parents), the less "sense", intuitively, it seems to make to tell the person something they don't know about me, such as a new interest of mine or even - to a degree - what I think in general or - especially - worry about.

The very thought feels strange, as in "Eh? What good could possibly come of that? They would make all sorts of assumptions, ask all sorts of questions and could come to regard me as stranger or more frivolous, as they don't know how I think. Nonsense - it'd be a pointless risk.", even when I want input on something.

The exception is if it's a specific subject where we have already established a common interest.

Comments?

Tell me how long you have had these feelings of persecution?

Tell me how long you have had these feelings of persecution?Persecution? Not quite. I simply feel a strong doubt.

ya but your parents arent your friends. you want to keep your life secret from them so that they have less power over you. if you were talking about a girlfriend it would probably be a different story.

Heh; don't really have that much in the way of real-life friends (and no relationships - frankly, I don't give a damn about such; my interests are infinitely more important to me. not that I've ever brought this up in real life, though my general solitude and extreme nerdiness perhaps hint at it) Two, perhaps three that I rarely meet - I am generally not too social. As for parents, live with one of them - with fairly minimal interaction by normal standards - and will probably do so for the duration of my upcoming university studies.

Of course I don't want to tell things for no reason at all; the thing is that even when I want some input on something, I quite doubt whether it'd be a good idea to bring it up. Say, what I thought of as I came to think of this - my interest in math and the fact that I'd like to learn more (would help with my - currently wholly free time - interest in DSP) in addition to the education of unknown quality that awaits, but that the gymnasium (equivalent to high-school for most of you) education leaves me completely unable comprehend any higher mathematics and that it seems quite hard to bridge the gap by myself. (unless I find some good materials to read - problem is, most begin above that gap, leaving me with no ground to stand on and unable to comprehend most of it) My dad, with his education, could probably help me here. But as with many things to varying degrees, I hesitate to divulge this information as it would result in a shift in his perception of me that I cannot wholly predict.

Oh well, this is getting long and rambly, with little potential for meaningful input and large potential for misunderstanding. In writing this, I have given it some thought, though, and for now gotten number to the doubt that makes the issue.

Because you want to get out there and do things on your own, free from other people's opinions. Or maybe you think your parents should know these things?

Bascially Fluff feels that the longer He knows a person, that if they havent already picked up on something he likes, he feels odd about telling them

kind of like:

"dammit Mom, you gave birth to me, you raised me all my life, and yet i have to tell you this hot girl thats always with me IS actually my girlfriend, i dont french kiss every girl i know"

...that the more someone plays a part in my life (the extreme would be my parents), the less "sense", intuitively, it seems to make to tell the person something they don't know about me, such as a new interest of mine or even - to a degree - what I think in general or - especially - worry about.

The very thought feels strange, as in "Eh? What good could possibly come of that? They would make all sorts of assumptions, ask all sorts of questions and could come to regard me as stranger or more frivolous, as they don't know how I think. Nonsense - it'd be a pointless risk.", even when I want input on something.

The exception is if it's a specific subject where we have already established a common interest.

Comments?

Sounds like you know the wrong people. Parents, of course, you can't change, but you don't need to feel the same way about things as them, even though (hopefully) you support each other where necessary.

As for the rest, find people who don't judge and open up. Only if you have real confirmation that they are forming a negative opinion of you should you concern yourself.

Bascially Fluff feels that the longer He knows a person, that if they havent already picked up on something he likes, he feels odd about telling them

kind of like:

"dammit Mom, you gave birth to me, you raised me all my life, and yet i have to tell you this hot girl thats always with me IS actually my girlfriend, i dont french kiss every girl i know"


Yikes!! The mistaken conclusion that people (especially parents) own mind reading machines! ;)

Sounds like you know the wrong people. Parents, of course, you can't change, but you don't need to feel the same way about things as them, even though (hopefully) you support each other where necessary.

As for the rest, find people who don't judge and open up. Only if you have real confirmation that they are forming a negative opinion of you should you concern yourself.The thing is that, given the circumstances, there is little reason to worry - my dad in particular is the kind of person I get along with - and yet there is worry, based on remote possibilities.

EDIT: Could do with some clarification, now that this forum finally loads. I do not worry based upon specific, unlikely "what if"s, but rather there is a general feeling of doubt.

Comments?
If I know exactly what you mean (which I strongly suspect) then you're not entirely right in what you're saying. It probably would make sense to you to reveal some interests other people didn't know about you as long as someone else raised the topic of conversation. For instance, you might be interested in the politics and philosophy of contemporary socialism, and you're not really going to use that in casual conversation with your close friends, but if any of them start up a group discussion about the role of the state in welfare programs, you're certainly not going to shy away from dropping in points that you think are worth making.

It's another line on the whole introversy thing. Although we're happy to share our opinions when we see them as relevant, the self-analysis we do constantly means that we generally don't find aspects of ourselves relevant to the current thread of conversation.

I'm not sure I understand, you want pursue interests and need a bit of help, but cannot face asking your dad for help because of unknown consequences? Is he the sort who expects you to know everything by yourself and would shun you if you asked for help? I can't think of any other reason why you'd refrain from something like this, seems very simple to me, perhaps I am not understanding fully.

RhynoDD;13505961']I know how that feels. You're dating someone for like, a year, and then you have to tell them that you're not just holding the butt-plug for a friend. It doesn't get too awkward until you ask them if they want to try it with you. God, that was a weird break-up.

Incidentally, restraining orders make good paper airplanes.

ROFLMAO


You should put the highlighted in the one-line anecdotes thread.

...that the more someone plays a part in my life (the extreme would be my parents), the less "sense", intuitively, it seems to make to tell the person something they don't know about me, such as a new interest of mine or even - to a degree - what I think in general or - especially - worry about.

The very thought feels strange, as in "Eh? What good could possibly come of that? They would make all sorts of assumptions, ask all sorts of questions and could come to regard me as stranger or more frivolous, as they don't know how I think. Nonsense - it'd be a pointless risk.", even when I want input on something.

The exception is if it's a specific subject where we have already established a common interest.

Comments?

I know how that feels. You're dating someone for like, a year, and then you have to tell them that you're not just holding the butt-plug for a friend. It doesn't get too awkward until you ask them if they want to try it with you. God, that was a weird break-up.

Incidentally, restraining orders make good paper airplanes.

I say take the risks. The sooner you know people's responses the better. The longer you delay, the worse it can get.

ROFLMAO


You should put the highlighted in the one-line anecdotes thread.

What's REALLY funny is when you wonder where I was holding it.

If I know exactly what you mean (which I strongly suspect) then you're not entirely right in what you're saying. It probably would make sense to you to reveal some interests other people didn't know about you as long as someone else raised the topic of conversation. For instance, you might be interested in the politics and philosophy of contemporary socialism, and you're not really going to use that in casual conversation with your close friends, but if any of them start up a group discussion about the role of the state in welfare programs, you're certainly not going to shy away from dropping in points that you think are worth making.

It's another line on the whole introversy thing. Although we're happy to share our opinions when we see them as relevant, the self-analysis we do constantly means that we generally don't find aspects of ourselves relevant to the current thread of conversation.
Quite so, but that's not really the core of this specific issue. The issue here is that given unexpected input from me that is bound to change the other's perception of me, predicting the effect of what I say can become a complex matter, and if I cannot do that to good enough certainty regarding whether the outcome (short and long-term) will be acceptable, I have a hard time deciding to say it due to the strong doubt that results. The bigger the part that someone plays in my life, the more the long-term result matters, and so I become more care-and-doubtful regarding nontrivial matters. Which weights against the lessening of other kinds of doubt stemming from not knowing someone well.

I'm not sure I understand, you want pursue interests and need a bit of help, but cannot face asking your dad for help because of unknown consequences? Is he the sort who expects you to know everything by yourself and would shun you if you asked for help? I can't think of any other reason why you'd refrain from something like this, seems very simple to me, perhaps I am not understanding fully.See above. I'd say he's the sort that would accept me as who I was regardless of any issue that wasn't truly huge - yet, the doubt...

I say take the risks. The sooner you know people's responses the better. The longer you delay, the worse it can get.Realistically speaking, there's not even much of a risk in these issues - and I understand that. And if something is a truly pressing matter, I have no problem overcoming the doubt. But if it isn't, and it is something that triggers that uncertainty, then making the decision isn't a simple matter - even if what I have to lose isn't particularly significant.

Don't worry about it, you don't have to tell your parents everything.
But really i don't get what you're talking about, you doubt people? or something like that.
again... what?

...that the more someone plays a part in my life (the extreme would be my parents), the less "sense", intuitively, it seems to make to tell the person something they don't know about me, such as a new interest of mine or even - to a degree - what I think in general or - especially - worry about.

The very thought feels strange, as in "Eh? What good could possibly come of that? They would make all sorts of assumptions, ask all sorts of questions and could come to regard me as stranger or more frivolous, as they don't know how I think. Nonsense - it'd be a pointless risk.", even when I want input on something.

The exception is if it's a specific subject where we have already established a common interest.

Comments?

People grow, and people change. Someone who cares enough about you will accept your changing, and your growth, even if it seems to drive you apart.

I have a friend with whome it seems I am constantly drifitng farther from, it's neither of our faults, merely the decay that time, and distance has on a friendship.

My advice, if you care about someone, or they are close to you, let them know how you feel, what you think about, new ideas that you have. I understand your hesitance, but remember that changing is a part of becoming who you will be, and those close to you need to accept that, and if they can't then that is their problem more than yours.

Quite so, but that's not really the core of this specific issue. The issue here is that given unexpected input from me that is bound to change the other's perception of me, predicting the effect of what I say can become a complex matter, and if I cannot do that to good enough certainty regarding whether the outcome (short and long-term) will be acceptable, I have a hard time deciding to say it due to the strong doubt that results. The bigger the part that someone plays in my life, the more the long-term result matters, and so I become more care-and-doubtful regarding nontrivial matters. Which weights against the lessening of other kinds of doubt stemming from not knowing someone well.

The more someone means to you, and the more you value long-term relationships, the more you should open up and be honest. If you care so much about someone in your life, then hopefully they care about you as well, and they should be able to understand that there are finer nuances of you tucked away, if they can't understand that (regardless of how odd it may seem to them) then in all likelyhood, they probably don't value you, as much as you value them, and the long-term relationship is in jeopardy in any case.

My advice: Honesty in general, will hurt you less than keeping who you are locked away on account of others opinions.

Quite so, but that's not really the core of this specific issue. The issue here is that given unexpected input from me that is bound to change the other's perception of me, predicting the effect of what I say can become a complex matter, and if I cannot do that to good enough certainty regarding whether the outcome (short and long-term) will be acceptable, I have a hard time deciding to say it due to the strong doubt that results. The bigger the part that someone plays in my life, the more the long-term result matters, and so I become more care-and-doubtful regarding nontrivial matters. Which weights against the lessening of other kinds of doubt stemming from not knowing someone well.

See above. I'd say he's the sort that would accept me as who I was regardless of any issue that wasn't truly huge - yet, the doubt...

You're doubt is unfounded. Someone who has known you for a long time is more likely to accept you whatever problems or failings you may have. And the things you've mentioned as examples are certainly not drastically different to merit any change in perception that will lead to a diminishing of the relationship.

You're doubt is unfounded. Someone who has known you for a long time is more likely to accept you whatever problems or failings you may have. And the things you've mentioned as examples are certainly not drastically different to merit any change in perception that will lead to a diminishing of the relationship.
yeah, like telling some stranger that you love watching drag queens sing and dance or something they'd think you were weird and get as far away as possible. But if you told some one close to you they'd probably giggle about it but they would still be your friend.

You're doubt is unfounded.I know.

I know.

Paranoia

ROFLMAO


You should put the highlighted in the one-line anecdotes thread.
I so very much second this.

I know.From what i understand of what you've posted, i relate.
I ended up having some diary ramblings handed to my father at some point about 10 years ago, for which he ended up saying that he had no idea i had things that troubled me so deeply.
I pointed out that he was far too used to assuming his impression of me was a pretty good understanding of my parameters. He asks now instead of telling.