NationStates Jolt Archive

We scared the animal scratching at the side of our tent away with a giant neon-green alligator.

Edit: first threadjack evar! *celebrates*

My life isn't anywhere near as interesting as I thought.

So the other day, I was informed of a fun little website Onesentence.org. According to the administrator, "Most great stories from one's life can be boiled down to one really good sentence that gets across the main point but also leaves the reader wondering what happened leading up to that point, and what happened afterward".

Some are quite funny:
"The mysterious animal hissing under the towel turned out to be a can of Right Guard"
"I was nearly sent to the hospital because I could not convince the school nurse that my head had always been this shape"

Others quite serious and sad:
"Instead of him they sent back a folded flag, and when I was alone I tore it to pieces"

So I was thinking back to me and Straughn's old anecdote threads around here...they were never the most popular, but always had some good stories...so why not revive the idea, and blend it with onesentence's concept?

Your mission: tell us an anecdote. I will not restrict this with a specific topic, as we have done in the past: it can be a story about your day, a vacation, your worst memory...it's all fair game. The only restriction: Your story can only consist of one sentence. Later on, if you wish and there seems to be interest, you may elaborate if you so choose, but present the story with just the one sentence.

I shall begin thinking of some to share.

I was taken home to my mother by a cop when I was only three.

She replied simply, if not sadly, 'No future', and I turned away.

We scared the animal scratching at the side of our tent away with a giant neon-green alligator.

Edit: first threadjack evar! *celebrates*
GIVE IT BACK!

WAAAAAAH!



*ahem*


I ended up with a scar on the back of my head that tends to be colored to look like assorted fruit slices.

He was mad that I kept saying "I'm sorry" so I said, "I'm sorry that I'm so sorry all the time".

I never fully understood my roommate untill he asked me "How do I tell when the iron is ready to use?"

Various anecdotes from my life:

Roadkill, a cute pet, and a delicious pepperoni sub made me a vegetarian for life when I was 11.

I stapled my thumb in talented and gifted class at age 13.

Surgery stopped me from bubbling, then pooping out my pee-hole at age 17.

I coulda been a contender but I got lazy all my life.

I've only been to Staten Island once, and I spent the whole trip back pulling thorns, twigs and leaves out of my clothes.

I thought what I'd lost were my pants, but it turned out to have been just my dignity.

So the other day, I was informed of a fun little website Onesentence.org. According to the administrator, "Most great stories from one's life can be boiled down to one really good sentence that gets across the main point but also leaves the reader wondering what happened leading up to that point, and what happened afterward".

Some are quite funny:
"The mysterious animal hissing under the towel turned out to be a can of Right Guard"
"I was nearly sent to the hospital because I could not convince the school nurse that my head had always been this shape"

Others quite serious and sad:
"Instead of him they sent back a folded flag, and when I was alone I tore it to pieces"

So I was thinking back to me and Straughn's old anecdote threads around here...they were never the most popular, but always had some good stories...so why not revive the idea, and blend it with onesentence's concept?

Your mission: tell us an anecdote. I will not restrict this with a specific topic, as we have done in the past: it can be a story about your day, a vacation, your worst memory...it's all fair game. The only restriction: Your story can only consist of one sentence. Later on, if you wish and there seems to be interest, you may elaborate if you so choose, but present the story with just the one sentence.

I shall begin thinking of some to share.

:)
The moral of the story is, toothpaste should probably be kept in a separate container.

GIVE IT BACK!

WAAAAAAH!Can't think of a better thief. :)

*ahem*


I ended up with a scar on the back of my head that tends to be colored to look like assorted fruit slices.Like the one shaped like Greenland on my right leg!

By the next day, all that was left was a five foot raster image of Dr. Strangelove.

Some days, it just isn't worth chewing through the restraints. :D

I turned out that one really can trip over one's shoelaces, and now I have the scar to prove it.

At that moment, holding the first paycheck I had really *earned* through hard work at a sucky job, Communism forever lost all acceptability.

Waking up to those messages left a sinking pit in my stomach.

In retrospect, we were all glad we had chosen the pickled hamster.

As it turned out, spraying ketchup on hotdogs could be even more entertaining than watching the baseball game itself.

We couldn't get drunk enough to do it because we'd used up most of the vodka disinfecting the rope burns.

So there was the hearse with my father's casket in it, with one of the door panels nearly bent off.

On a birthday, alcohol made me fall down the stairs of the karaoke platform.:D

After a long and thorough discussion, we came to the conclusion that we would not go camping again next year and that we may have resorted to cannibalism a little early.

Then he poured the surgical spirit over his stomach and set fire to it.

GIVE IT BACK!

WAAAAAAH!

Can't think of a better thief. :)
The great Straughn has spoken. You're never getting your thread back, Sarky.


On topic: I was thoroughly creeped out as he started to make out with a cheerio drunkenly.

"If it wasn't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college."

Heh, from Lewis Black.

The next day the problem had enjoyed languor at my expense, and failed to correct itself.

It was only after 20 miles that we noticed the guy in charge of directions was just following the car with the hot girls in.

We couldn't get drunk enough to do it because we'd used up most of the vodka disinfecting the rope burns.

I'm fairly certain that I don't want to know the back story to that one...

I've got to stop thanking the cash machine.

He stood there with flowers in his hands, arms outstretched for a hug as I frantically dug for a quarter and prayed he wasn't an ax murderer.

Apparently I do amusing things:

"You're dating someone for like, a year, and then you have to tell them that you're not just holding the butt-plug for a friend."

RhynoDD;13505984']Apparently I do amusing things:

"You're dating someone for like, a year, and then you have to tell them that you're not just holding the butt-plug for a friend."

Yay! You did what I told to...

Now do some jumping jacks :)

Yay! You did what I told to...

Now do some jumping jacks :)

Only if you try my double butt plug with me.

RhynoDD;13505994']Only if you try my double butt plug with me.

You bastard, I just spit Mountain Dew on my screen.

You bastard, I just spit Mountain Dew on my screen.

What a waste of Mountain Dew. That'll teach you to drink mountain dew when you're on NSG, won't it?

Also, I'm seeing a pattern here. Perhaps you should start drinking Windex.

RhynoDD;13506002']What a waste of Mountain Dew. That'll teach you to drink mountain dew when you're on NSG, won't it?

Also, I'm seeing a pattern here. Perhaps you should start drinking Windex.

You just might have an idea there, there could be a downside if I don't read enough funny posts though...

You just might have an idea there, there could be a downside if I don't read enough funny posts though...

I see it as win-win.

"It ended up being the user's fault."

I'm fairly certain that I don't want to know the back story to that one...

I'd just like to say, no politicians were harmed in the making of this anecdote.

My ability to put both legs behind my head really helped me get that job.

We all cried when they unlocked the locker a few years later.

It was just supposed to be a children's story, not the end of everything.

If it weren't for the pile of goose poop, everything would have been very different.

Honesty makes you an asshole.

I wiped my dick off on the curtains, and took twenty dollars from her purse for cab fare.

While hitchhiking my way back to college, I was picked up by a group of guys that couldn't stop talking about how one had just got out of prision.

Then, there was the time we hitched a ride to a nearby town to see the "Original Iron Butterfly".

My first trap on an aircraft carrier turned into my first takeoff before I caught up to the first landing part.

I'd just like to say, no politicians were harmed in the making of this anecdote.

That just makes it worse Ard, if they had been there at least would be a bright side.

On a boat!

and...


and when we came back they'd turned their christmas lights off and we couldn't find which hedge we'd left our clothes on...

It was that night that I learned that two cups of vodka in an hour, no matter how much jello you mix it with, is a bad idea.

It was that night that I learned that two cups of vodka in an hour, no matter how much jello you mix it with, is a bad idea.

Pussy.

We couldn't get drunk enough to do it because we'd used up most of the vodka disinfecting the rope burns.

Me likey. :D

RhynoDD;13505994']Only if you try my double butt plug with me.

Of course, you mean at the same time, right?

Now do some jumping jacks :)
With a stint in, or while employing the double-headed device?

BTW - Zilam has a cool anecdote or two about jumping jacks.

I'd just like to say, no politicians were harmed in the making of this anecdote.
That makes me like it less, actually. :p

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13507678&postcount=112

Of course, you mean at the same time, right?

Or we could try to find a triple... Dyakovo might still want to get in on this. I get the feeling that he'll need extra lube, though. Virgin asshole, I think.

RhynoDD;13507771']I get the feeling that he'll need extra lube, though. Virgin asshole, I think.
After being 'round here a while, that won't be much of a problem, i suspect.

Long story short, Hemorrhoid cream makes pretty good lubricant.

So at about 11:00, he did in thirty minutes -correctly- what it took us three hours to do in the most bass-akwards way possible.

When he said "I want to be with you for the rest of my life", he really just meant "for the next year-ish".

To this date, the thing I should regret that I'm happiest I did is still my best friend.

Unfortunately for the suffering Afghani children, the blue-berry pie hat ruptured.

And as the sun set, we all agreed never to abuse gerbils in such a cruel, yet entertaining, manner ever again.

It wasn't Hubert that we missed, in the end, but the bus (which had not missed Hubert at all).

Long story short, Hemorrhoid cream makes pretty good lubricant.

Long story short, icy-hot does not.

Long story short, icy-hot does not.
What-what-whatabout mentholatum?

I may have been trapped on the train for 4 hours, but the pizza was well worth it.

My father would never forget the faithful phone call from my mother: "Honey, my water just broke. Get over here so we can have this damn birthday party."

"Say, you've DONE this before, haven't you?"