NationStates Jolt Archive

Into this thread post your limericks
Be the topic Tom Cruise or Mudkips
Please try not to be mean
Keep it PG-13
And recall, poets get all the chicks

Into this thread post your limericks
Be the topic Tom Cruise or Mudkips
Please try not to be mean
Keep it PG-13
And recall, poets get all the chicks

Why should I do what you ask?
It seems the most thankless of tasks
I'm just here to read
Or add my own creed
From behind my anonymous mask

Since I need something to say
Tomorrow is Presidents Day
People like days off here and there
But I don't fucking care
Cause I dropped out of school anyway

I don't want Ron Paul in 08
Don't want abortion bans and racial hate
I like Barack's floppy ears
And I support mairrage for queers
But it's still fun to watch them debate

There once was a man from Nantucket...

This seems to be incredibly lame
And yet, you made it into a game
So here is my part
Not quite from the heart
But my feeble attempt for some fame

I do this to avoid my bed
Which I should go sleep in instead
But by staying up until six
a difficult problem to fix
So swimming tomorrow, I'll be dead.

Existential limericks:

"There once was a lady from Crewe
Whose limericks stopped at line two..."

"There was a young man from Verdun..."

:D

Into this thread post your limericks
Be the topic Tom Cruise or Mudkips
Please try not to be mean
Keep it PG-13
And recall, poets get all the chicks

The beat's wrong.

Limericks, you say?
My soul pulsates out of time.
Sorry, I haiku.

The beat's wrong.

I'm afraid I hadn't the time
The poetry summits to climb
So quit being a tease
And forthwith, if you please
Post criticism in rhyme

Limerick is called "Stab city",
and not without reason,
though these days,
its truer to say,
they'd quicker shoot you than stab you for breathin....

There once was a fellow named Bush.
His skull is filled up with mush
He made guitar riffs
On the edge of a cliff.
Won't someone please give him a push?

...hold on, the FBI is shouting through megaphones...

A moderator called Katganistan
Objected when limericks didn't properly scan
Having seen this attempt
She said "you're not exempt
Enjoy your two week forum ban"

On NSG there's a guy named Goof:
he's Lunatic, you know it's no spoof.
When he gives you a *nod*
-although he's no mod-
he'll go pies as soon, no need for a proof!

There once was a man from Nantucket...

Oh Noes, they's stealin' mah bucket!

*Ahem* anyhoo
Thanks to the QI annual for these two:

There was a young man from Chelmsford
Who soon realised the futility of trying to write a limerick about Chelmsford, since there isn't a word that easily rhymes with Chelmsford, except perhaps possibly that place in America called "Elmsford".

There was a young lady from Chelmsford
Who lived her whole life in Chelmsford
She married her Roy
Had a baby Boy
And they lived their whole lives in Chelmsford.

The Count (you know who), he was thirsty
And today was his 600th birthday
So he went to a bar
In his coach (not some car!)
To have drinks with and from a young lady.

(I came up with that one shortly before falling asleep last night http://www.greensmilies.com/smile/smiley_emoticons_mrfledermaus01.gif)

Limericks, you say?
My soul pulsates out of time.
Sorry, I haiku.

There once was a poet that flailed
Not noticing how haikus paled
Against their defeater
For the Limerick's got meter
Hence, that verse EPIC FAILED!!

Limericks are way better...

For example, one from the esteemed Mr. Sean Connery:

There once was a man named Trebek
Who had the world's tiniest di...

Also

There once was a lad named King Arty
That always enjoyed eating Smarties
That laughed at the Fundies
For he got bored on Mondays
Since they were great jokes for his parties.

There once was a woman from Norway
Who hung nude by her toes in the doorway
In a voice loud and clear
She cried "Harry my dear!"
"I think I just found one more way!"

There once was a woman from Norway
Who hung nude by her toes in the doorway
In a voice loud and clear
She cried "Harry my dear!"
"I think I just found one more way!"

I anticipate the Swedes will like that one.

There once was a girl from Nantucket
Who kept all her cash in a bucket
Against her belief
Her swain was a thief
And as for her bucket, he tuck it.

A moderator called Katganistan
Objected when limericks didn't properly scan
Having seen this attempt
She said "you're not exempt
Enjoy your two week forum ban"

:fluffle:
I'm not quite THAT bad....

One week ban... with a week off for humorous behavior. ;)

There once was a thread on NSG
That made me laugh and go, "Tee hee!"
But the thread grew too long
One thousand posts strong
And I never can read past page 3 :P

There was a young man from Spokane
Whose limericks never would scan.
When told this was so,
He replied, Yes I know,
But I always try to stuff as many words into the last line as I possibly can.

There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he’s a college professor

holy hell I timewarped myself!

here are a couple I got from Robert Anton Wilsons site:

There was a young man from Glenglozle
Who found a remarkable fossil
He deduced from the bend
And the wart on the end
'Twas the peter of Paul the Apostle


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a young monk of Hong Kong
Who had a three-headed dong
A small one for sucking
A BIG one for fucking
And an extra for beating the gong

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There once was a guy named Sumamba
Who posted the silliest crapamba
without reason or rhyme
he smoked a whole dime
and now he's as stoned as yo mama

There once was a man from Peru
Who dreamed he was eating his shoe
He awoke with a fright
in the middle of the night
to find that his dream had come true

All these poems do just what they should
They enlighten, which always is good
With each limérickal bout
New accents come out
And things rhyme that I never thought could

:-)


P.S.

I know that adverts are shameless
But this one is more-or-less blameless
If you like House, MD
On my Youtube go see
A new montage that is somewhat aimless

god why did i drink all that jack
when will i get my mem'ry back
and learn how i got cut
why i've a tattooed butt
and who's the hooker in my trunk

Ryadn was bored in the South Bay,
When she Stumbled on NS one day,
She laughed through the debates,
(Who's this Lunatic mate?)
And now she just can't get away.

here are a couple I got from Robert Anton Wilsons site:

There was a young man from Glenglozle
Who found a remarkable fossil
He deduced from the bend
And the wart on the end
'Twas the peter of Paul the Apostle


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a young monk of Hong Kong
Who had a three-headed dong
A small one for sucking
A BIG one for fucking
And an extra for beating the gong

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

:fluffle:
WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUV RAW. *bows*

There once was a guy named Sumamba
Who posted the silliest crapamba
without reason or rhyme
he smoked a whole dime
and now he's as stoned as yo mama
[/thread]

:fluffle:
WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUV RAW. *bows*


:fluffle:

Same here. Have you seen Maybe Logic? Good stuff right there.

[/thread]


Awww you are too kind but I think others have much better limericks. You just want to get in my pants to see if thats where I keep the Principia Discordia.


btw, *unzips*




P.S.

There once was a poster named Straughn
Who posted from dusk until dawn
He posted and posted
Till his keyboard was roasted
Because no one admits when they're wrong

There once was a poster called Tmutarakhan,
Which is harder to pronounce than Straughn,
But whatever the name,
The result is the same,
He argues and argues as long as he can!

How come that with most of you guys, either the meter or the rhyme are totally off? :rolleyes:

How come that with most of you guys, either the meter or the rhyme are totally off? :rolleyes:
We aim to get BOTH totally off, but can't always manage it!

We aim to get BOTH totally off, but can't always manage it!
Yeah, or even both. I mean, especially the Limerick has a very very rigid rhyme scheme and meter - otherwise it ain't a Limerick.

If I call you a Limerick Nazi will that Godwin the thread?

If I call you a Limerick Nazi will that Godwin the thread?
Give it a shot.

But calling me a nazi of any kind does not bode well with me.

Give it a shot.

But calling me a nazi of any kind does not bode well with me.

http://www.afgm-wow.com/forums/images/smilies/scared.gif

Limerick Police?

See no Godwin and maybe a nice bode as well.

Yeah, or even both. I mean, especially the Limerick has a very very rigid rhyme scheme and meter - otherwise it ain't a Limerick.

Would a limerick that misses be a lemonrick?

I don’t see the fuss about limericks,
They’re just full of lyrical gimmicks.
Oh dear, I’ve succumbed,
I hope I’m not shunned.
(You say: “postmodern”, and I’ll kill quick.)

My hubby was entirely too quick
He never found out a good trick
His timing was wrong
His tool wasn't long
A new hubby of course I did pick


:p

Keep it PG-13

Tsk, tsk....
To really get verses to stick
you need a young man and a chick.
See, a stanza that's free
Of the old ... (teeheehee)
May be 'limer', but what of the 'ick'?

Yeah, or even both. I mean, especially the Limerick has a very very rigid rhyme scheme and meter - otherwise it ain't a Limerick.

Ein Deutscher sagt einmal, nu wirklich!
Wie nennen Sie das ein Limerick?
Mit Dichtung so faul,
Erhalten das Maul!
Ein Limerick ist das gar nicht.

A haiku lim'rick?
No such luck. Attempts to fuse
them always suck. But

perhaps with a spare
We might succeed there, though I
think we'll run over.

Oh f**k.

brilliant :D

There once was a poster called Tmutarakhan,
Which is harder to pronounce than Straughn,
But whatever the name,
The result is the same,
He argues and argues as long as he can!
Such a bizarre coincidence, then, that i should post this last night: http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13464436&postcount=100

:fluffle:

Same here. Have you seen Maybe Logic? Good stuff right there.Actually, not yet. I'm still singing praises for Coincidance.

Awww you are too kind but I think others have much better limericks. You just want to get in my pants to see if thats where I keep the Principia Discordia. If that's where Miss Holy See is, i'm all over it!


btw, *unzips*




P.S.

There once was a poster named Straughn
Who posted from dusk until dawn
He posted and posted
Till his keyboard was roasted
Because no one admits when they're wrong
I think i've gotta rearrange my siglines ... AGAIN! :D

My confidence now is shot
Who I thought I would be, I am not
My inner Gimpy's distressed
I did an Undergrads test (http://www.quizilla.com/users/nici/quizzes/Which%20Undergrads%20Character%20Are%20You%3F%3F%3F%3F%3F/)
And Nitz was the answer I got

A haiku lim'rick?
No such luck. Attempts to fuse
them always suck. But

perhaps with a spare
We might succeed there, though I
think we'll run over.

Oh f**k.Quite good. :)