NationStates Jolt Archive

I heard a knocking. I looked through the blinds. There were two guys in suits, evidently a pair *ahem* witnesses. I waited for the knocking to subside. I peeked out the door a bit later, still in my robes. I walked out slowly into the the yard. The fellows came out from behind a building; they set a trap? One made a move to open the gate to the yard, and that is when I let the dog out of the house. The gate was swiftly closed on the charging barker. Over the barks one of the two young men said a few things about how terrible the world was.
He said "Do you believe all this evil and violence will ever end"?
Without missing a beat I said "No," looking straight into his eyes.
The guy was briefly taken aback "You don't?" he said. I shook my head. He finally decided that I needed a Psalm to be convinced. I cannot remember it, something about Satan being destroyed. I continued to stare. They finally put some pamphlets over the fence. They offered the shake my hand, which I proffered over to them.
"Goodbye," I said to each in turn.

They haven't visited me in a while. :)

They haven't visited me in a while. :)

Somehow, I'm guessing they have your house marked in red on the map back at JW HQ.

Somehow, I'm guessing they have your house marked in red on the map back at JW HQ.
I think one of the little LG's got them last.... IIRC there was water involved.

I think one of the little LG's got them last.... IIRC there was water involved.

He was playing with the gardenhose and they must have looked hot. Well it was summertime. :p

I am a former JW. I was raised in it as a kid, left it at 18 when I left my parents house.

I've had dogs sicked [sic?] on me, water from a hose squired at me, spit on, verbally accosted, all kinds of stuff, and all as a minor.

Sometimes the people doing the JW door knocking don't believe what they are doing or saying but haven't found the way or the courage to get out just yet.

I think they were trying to tell you something. Can't think of what though.

I am a former JW. I was raised in it as a kid, left it at 18 when I left my parents house.

I've had dogs sicked [sic?] on me, water from a hose squired at me, spit on, verbally accosted, all kinds of stuff, and all as a minor.

Sometimes the people doing the JW door knocking don't believe what they are doing or saying but haven't found the way or the courage to get out just yet.

Sometimes the people doing the JW door knocking don't believe what they are doing or saying but haven't found the way or the courage to get out just yet.

A machinegun would do nicely.

The best is to answer the door naked. Or while still having sex. Or blasting some form of satanic music. Or even better all three.

What did these Jehova witnesses actually witness?:confused:

What did these Jehova witnesses actually witness?:confused:the disappearance of their sanity

A blessed land where jehovahs can walk free in the many lush forests of the lord of the manor. I don't have much to say but it lasts for a thousand years and more so with the occasional remit on the recourse and the transmit on the cause.

And not one Monty Python reference yet.


/leaves thread in disgust

It's only loosely related, but I was visited by a couple of Mormon doing door-to-door once.

They started telling me about their faith and all, and I just lifted my hand in a stopping gesture, and said : "Whoa there little lady. Before you go on, let me just say that I'm agnostic and homosexual, and have no intention of changing my mind about either. Have a good day."

And then they left without trying to insist.


I never did know if it was the gay part that got them leaving in such a hurry, or the fact that I wasn't wearing pants.

What did these Jehova witnesses actually witness?:confused:
Who knows but they arn't talking.

I answered the door in Wiccan robes once, and waggled my fingers at them while intoning (I was actually chanting the alphabet). They left, quickly.

(It works on Mormons, too).

And not one Monty Python reference yet.


/leaves thread in disgust

meh they're funny but they're not that good.
how about "always look on the bright side of life" if that cheers you up.
you folks can be so picky sometimes.:)

I like to talk with them. That usually ends up being sufficient incentive for them to not come back.

Im usually nice to them. I politely tell them Im very happy with my beliefs but I respect the right for them to hold theirs, shake their hands, and let them leave. I see no reason to harass them.

But maybe thats because I dont see them very often. If they were a regular occurance, I think my patience would vanish, and my kindness with it:sniper:

And not one Monty Python reference yet.


/leaves thread in disgust

Well I didn't expect the bleeding Spanish Inquistion from you!

They haven't visited me in a while. :)

And after junior baptised them and everything!

Well I didn't expect the bleeding Spanish Inquistion from you!

NObody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Well... I have long ago decided that people who try to sell me things by approaching me, calling me, or otherwise harassing me exist to be my playthings.

With that in mind, when approached, I am not rude to them (it's not good to be rude to toys after all). I DO, however, do or say one of several things, including, but not limited to:

- Telling them I'm just a figment of their imagination;

- Telling them to prove to me that I, or, for that matter, all the things around them, exist;

- Singing to them;

- Stopping, staring and smiling stupidly;

- Telling them I already had lunch when they're selling me something else;

- Informing them that the world is just a speck of sand in a meaningless universe.

When called, one of these things (again, not limited to them) is done:

- Yelling "HIDE THE STASH!" away from the phone and hurriedly telling them I have to go;

- Asking them what they're wearing (works better if they're the same gender);

- Using the Seinfeld routine on them (Asking to call them in their homes, when they deny, informing them that "now they know how I feel").

We don't usually have people knocking on our door for some group here in Brazil, but if we did, well, I'm sure I could think of something along those lines.

Hope I've been helpful.

I think the best reply I've ever seen to the JWs a friend of mine did. Completely unintentional, mind you.

He grew up in rural North Dakota (where we own guns and we know how to use them responsibly). He and his brother were going to go do some target shooting and sight in their guns for hunting season. They were going out the front door carrying their guns and didn't even notice the JWs walking up the sidewalk at first ...

He said he's never seen two men run that fast. :)

ugh, here is what happened to me last week:

the scene is me walking in my town center (where all the nuts live) on a Wednesday lunchtime

strange woman (in a very thick Swedish accent oddly and carrying a donations list): Hi I'm collecting for charity and we have had some very nice donations today! you look like a very kind person, yes?

me: *smiles and nods because its all true*

strange woman (who is now pulling a 'stop hitting on me pervert' face): would you like to donate to our charity?

me: uh yeah sure *goes to get £20 because life is good today*

Charity woman (who now seems to be my best friend): okay! and just for you here is a free gift *hands brainwashing book on yoga from some religious guy1*

me: *takes book walks out of her sight and puts book in bin*

1 it should be noted I have seen this "book" in my house before and had a brief skim...its all about some yoga master preaching "spiritual joy" (which is no match for my material joy)