NationStates Jolt Archive

Wear a clown nose ;)
And eat a banana. Bananas relax.

I'm going to get up in front of a microphone for the first time tonight at a local comedy club. I'm shitting kittens. Any tips? Helpful tips are optional. ;)

Use the line "shitting kittens" somehow. That image is simultaneously disgusting and hilarious.

I'm going to get up in front of a microphone for the first time tonight at a local comedy club. I'm shitting kittens. Any tips? Helpful tips are optional. ;)

Well, there is the traditional:-

"If you're nervous, imagine your audience naked."

It's what I usually get from people before I make any formal public speeches but I guess it applies to anyone appearing in public for the first time.

I'm going to get up in front of a microphone for the first time tonight at a local comedy club. I'm shitting kittens. Any tips? Helpful tips are optional. ;)

Use plenty of KY jelly and try declaw the kittens first or it could be a painful experience.

More seriously: Laugh at your own jokes, it may be infectious if nothing else.

Make sure you listen to the person on before you, if they suck, don't be afraid of telling the audience - comedians don't mind having their material ripped to shreds by another comedian.

Use plenty of KY jelly and try declaw the kittens first or it could be a painful experience.

I don't think kittens are actually born with claws.

You should however prepare lots of warm fuzzy blankets so thay can stay warm though. We don't want any cute little kitties dying of cold on your debut now do we?

Sides, if LG shat more of them, he could sell them as souvenirs or something. Nice little side income. And imagine what you could get for them on Ebay..

Wear a clown nose ;)
And eat a banana. Bananas relax.

You've got it the wrong way. It's wear a banana and eat a clown nose.

I'm going to get up in front of a microphone for the first time tonight at a local comedy club. I'm shitting kittens. Any tips? Helpful tips are optional. ;)

After you get done shitting the kittens, be sure to take them to the local shelter so they can be spayed and put up for adoption! :)

Seriously though, just breath deeply, and relax and just enjoy yourself, have fun!

Use the line "shitting kittens" somehow. That image is simultaneously disgusting and hilarious.

:) It is a disruptive mental image, isn't it?

Good luck, mon capitan. *bows*
Don't forget the sock puppets.

Use plenty of KY jelly and try declaw the kittens first or it could be a painful experience.

More seriously: Laugh at your own jokes, it may be infectious if nothing else.

Make sure you listen to the person on before you, if they suck, don't be afraid of telling the audience - comedians don't mind having their material ripped to shreds by another comedian.

Laughing at your own jokes isn't held in high regard by most comedians, but I've seen a few pull it off.

I don't think kittens are actually born with claws.

You should however prepare lots of warm fuzzy blankets so thay can stay warm though. We don't want any cute little kitties dying of cold on your debut now do we?

Sides, if LG shat more of them, he could sell them as souvenirs or something. Nice little side income. And imagine what you could get for them on Ebay..

I don't know. Would you buy a shat kitten?

I don't know. Would you buy a shat kitten?

People don't always have to know where things come from. ;)

We can call it "our little secret".

Laughing at your own jokes isn't held in high regard by most comedians, but I've seen a few pull it off.

Half Billy Connolly's routine seems to be him laughing at himself.

If there's any gangstas in the audience, make jokes about their mothers. It will provide for quality entertainment for everyone! =D

Imagine everyone naked....then throw pies at them. *cue laughter*

I did stand up once. I just kept thinking that I was talking to friends and family, though I wasn't. This may make you more relaxed as you'll feel you're in a more relaxed environment.

People don't always have to know where things come from. ;)

We can call it "our little secret".

Like that wild night in Vegas? By the way, did you ever get that caramel out of your hair?

I don't know. Would you buy a shat kitten?

We drink these http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kopi_Luwak. I'm sure we won't mind consuming shat kittens too.

Like that wild night in Vegas? By the way, did you ever get that caramel out of your hair?

That reminds me of the "gang-probe" part at the end of Viva Ned Flanders.

*nods emphatically*

Like that wild night in Vegas? By the way, did you ever get that caramel out of your hair?

Yes, but I had to cut my hair short to get it out, which turns out great because I actually look smashing with short hair.

We must do it again sometimes.

Whatever you do though, don't do what Michael Richards did. If I were you, I would prepare something for hecklers. Maybe bring out the Pie Cannon?

Whatever you do though, don't do what Michael Richards did. If I were you, I would prepare something for hecklers. Maybe bring out the Pie Cannon?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=it9kpZHXhxI

:)

LG, you've made this bunch of old sour-pusses laugh more than a few times. You'll be great. I actually wish I could be there.

"That's what she said.." and "What's the deal with.." go over very well these days.

Don't worry LG, you'll do fine! Just be careful about those kittens, it's hard to laugh with a bleeding butt!:p

I'm going to get up in front of a microphone for the first time tonight at a local comedy club. I'm shitting kittens. Any tips? Helpful tips are optional. ;)

1) Make observations about how white people are different from black people.

2) Channel your nervous energy into you emoting, and say everything as loud and fast as possible.

3) Get really drunk. It will help you relax.

4) Be aware that the people who attend open mike nights have very low standards and a lot of experience with comedy, so they get every joke right away. If you can't make them laugh, you should just quit.

5) Ignore everything I said above.

If this is an open mike night then most of your audience is going to be other aspiring comedians, and are going to be too nervous about their own acts to pay much attention to yours.

Bring some friends, it will make you more nervous, but afterwards they will congratulate you, which will help for the second time you go on stage.

Think about how good it could be instead of how bad it might be and you will have excitement instead of fear. Fear isn't funny. At least not if its genuine.

Once you get on stage, you won't be so scared. You'll be hooked.

Edit: Oh, and congratulations.

Amateur night?

I gave advice in the other thread. And I disagree about expecting great things. Expect that it won't be that great and it probably won't be your audience. You don't get that the first time or first several times usually. Just expect it to be practice. No one gets upset when they miss there first basket they've ever shot in a game but people act like if your first or second joke didn't hit that you should be disappointed. Who cares if you miss? Just make sure you keep shooting. Because we and you know you're a great shooter (insert obligatory joke) and that it's only a matter of time before you're game looks just like those times when you're just goofing around on NSG. Right?

Tell the public the message!
The Red Revolution will rise again!
Although without all those nasty killings like in Communist Russia, and maybe avoiding the whole massive increase in poverty idea, oh and we'l try not to have a dictator but nevertheless, Extremely timid oppression of the bourgeoisie at a time that's convenient to them!

I remember doing a little act where i sang the blues brothers at a holiday resort (i know the shame, but it was great fun well worth the embarresment), everybody needs somebody, i had to do the bloody hard fast speaking that elwood did at the beginning with my mate, i had the right voice but totally lacked experience in singing at all the crowd loved it:p. I even did the cartwheels! I messed up a couple of words, but just before it my nerves where tingling pretty nervous i was, great fun though i recommend stage stuff to anyone.:)
The other acts where one guy dressed as a mock woman singing (damn i've forgotten, but he was funny) the other was a semi-pro singer and he did sound good i forget what song he sang.
But other than that i have little experience of that sort of thing, but it is great fun to do good luck with that, one advantage i had was the stage lights were on full brightness so we couldn't really see the crowd.
Just do what you do best, you'l love it all the more if you mess up a few lines, or at least remember it better.:D
Give em hell! Well if you happen to believe in hell that is.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=it9kpZHXhxI

:)

ouch! What did the heckler do?
But i can understand why he's so pissed off, there's no point in heckling unless it's the funny sort of heckling. I takes loads of work to be good on stage.

Just be careful about those kittens, it's hard to laugh with a bleeding butt!Sigworthy.
And, btw, it depends on whose butt is bleeding as to whether or not it's funny.

I'm going to get up in front of a microphone for the first time tonight at a local comedy club. I'm shitting kittens. Any tips? Helpful tips are optional. ;)

No tips, but good luck LG!

I'm going to get up in front of a microphone for the first time tonight at a local comedy club. I'm shitting kittens. Any tips? Helpful tips are optional. ;)

Just pretend your here posting ;)

It went pretty good. Nothing was thrown at me and people laughed at most of the appropriate places. A few jokes didn't get quite the response I expected and nerves made me stumble and forget my place twice. Fortunately, I prepared for that contingency. They laughed harder at my 'I forgot my last joke' joke than at any of my other jokes. :p

I used slides as 'props'. Sort of an on-stage version of what I do here. Hey! It worked pretty well here. :p

If I were to extend and refine my act, I'd like to include video clips, but you have to start somewhere.

This made people laugh:

http://www.boomspeed.com/looonatic/cattaco.jpg

Glad to hear it went well! When you become famous, we shall all attend your show and heckle appropriately. :p

It went pretty good. Nothing was thrown at me and people laughed at most of the appropriate places. A few jokes didn't get quite the response I expected and nerves made me stumble and forget my place twice. Fortunately, I prepared for that contingency. They laughed harder at my 'I forgot my last joke' joke than at any of my other jokes. :p

I used slides as 'props'. Sort of an on-stage version of what I do here. Hey! It worked pretty well here. :p

If I were to extend and refine my act, I'd like to include video clips, but you have to start somewhere.

This made people laugh:

http://www.boomspeed.com/looonatic/cattaco.jpg
It begins! :eek:

It went pretty good. Nothing was thrown at me and people laughed at most of the appropriate places. A few jokes didn't get quite the response I expected and nerves made me stumble and forget my place twice. Fortunately, I prepared for that contingency. They laughed harder at my 'I forgot my last joke' joke than at any of my other jokes. :p

I used slides as 'props'. Sort of an on-stage version of what I do here. Hey! It worked pretty well here. :p

If I were to extend and refine my act, I'd like to include video clips, but you have to start somewhere.

This made people laugh:

http://www.boomspeed.com/looonatic/cattaco.jpg

Congrats, I knew you'd do well. Did anyone videotape it? If they did, can they put it up on YouTube?

Congrats, I knew you'd do well. Did anyone videotape it? If they did, can they put it up on YouTube?
What'd be cooler is if we got the transcript, and a few of us would play the audience members that LG interacted with, and LG could choose to accept/decline the attempt to live up to his own legacy. :p

I don't think LG can appear on a camera without a liberal layer of mud covering him.

Actually, it appears he keeps all his mud well within moderation.
:p

Congrats, I knew you'd do well. Did anyone videotape it? If they did, can they put it up on YouTube?
I don't think LG can appear on a camera without a liberal layer of mud covering him.

Half Billy Connolly's routine seems to be him laughing at himself.

Yeah, but he can do that. He's funny.


CONGRATULATIONS, LG!

That took serious stones, brother. I'm both excited for you and envious, too.

*snip*

This made people laugh:

http://www.boomspeed.com/looonatic/cattaco.jpg

Heh! :p

Congrats, I knew you'd do well. Did anyone videotape it? If they did, can they put it up on YouTube?

Time will tell. :p

I don't think LG can appear on a camera without a liberal layer of mud covering him.

It keeps the camera from stealing my soul. *nod*

It went pretty good. Nothing was thrown at me and people laughed at most of the appropriate places. A few jokes didn't get quite the response I expected and nerves made me stumble and forget my place twice. Fortunately, I prepared for that contingency. They laughed harder at my 'I forgot my last joke' joke than at any of my other jokes. :p

I used slides as 'props'. Sort of an on-stage version of what I do here. Hey! It worked pretty well here. :p

If I were to extend and refine my act, I'd like to include video clips, but you have to start somewhere.

This made people laugh:

http://www.boomspeed.com/looonatic/cattaco.jpg

Congrats LG!

Did you also include your .wav collection in your act? That + the slides = probably something pretty entertaining.

Bananas relax.

True, I've never seen an uptight banana :rolleyes:

Did you also include your .wav collection in your act? That + the slides = probably something pretty entertaining.

That's something to consider down the road like the video clips. I'm leaning toward no. Or at least, not without visual accompaniment. I'm not sure audio clips only will take on stage.

But It's rare to see a stage comedian use media as props before. It's my official gimmick! :D

That's something to consider down the road like the video clips. I'm leaning toward no. Or at least, not without visual accompaniment. I'm not sure audio clips only will take on stage.

But It's rare to see a stage comedian use media as props before. It's my official gimmick! :D

Rare but there are a couple famous comedians who do it. Mike Birbiglia springs to mind. However, it's one of those things that has so much room in it, that you can share it with a couple of others.

I'm glad your first time up went well. The world needs more good comedians and girls who like men addicted to video games. This I decree.

Oh, and more Swedish Meatballs. Those things are the food of the Gods.

You need two things:

1) Someone who'll tape your performances and put them on Youtube.

and

2) a loyal legion of Goofbots.

I volunteer for the latter :D

You need two things:

1) Someone who'll tape your performances and put them on Youtube.

and

2) a loyal legion of Goofbots.

I volunteer for the latter :D

I'll only be in the latter group if you find a way to not cut the balls off his name.

I'll only be in the latter group if you find a way to not cut the balls off his name.

I'm working on it. "Goofbots" just sounded the best out of the preliminary possiblities. "Goofballs" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

glad you didn't bomb. so when is the DVD coming out?

It went pretty good. Nothing was thrown at me and people laughed at most of the appropriate places. A few jokes didn't get quite the response I expected and nerves made me stumble and forget my place twice. Fortunately, I prepared for that contingency. They laughed harder at my 'I forgot my last joke' joke than at any of my other jokes. :p

I used slides as 'props'. Sort of an on-stage version of what I do here. Hey! It worked pretty well here. :p

If I were to extend and refine my act, I'd like to include video clips, but you have to start somewhere.

This made people laugh:

http://www.boomspeed.com/looonatic/cattaco.jpg

So, when can we expect the Comedy Central Presents Featuring Lunatic Goofballs?

I'm going to get up in front of a microphone for the first time tonight at a local comedy club. I'm shitting kittens. Any tips? Helpful tips are optional. ;)
am I too late?

rate your jokes (have your wife help)

a- best
b- pretty good
c- not great

structure yourself thustly

a
b
b
c
b
b
a


always end on an a joke, they only really remember the first and last of your set, use your good stuff those times. *nod*

NEVER talk to the audience unless you have a back up plan, being a stand up comedian is a lot like being a lawyer, never ask a question unless you already know the answer.

I'm working on it. "Goofbots" just sounded the best out of the preliminary possiblities. "Goofballs" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Can we just be 'Balls? Cuz then when we're in the audience he can introduce his 'Balls.

Can we just be 'Balls? Cuz then when we're in the audience he can introduce his 'Balls.

omfg brilliant.

Can we just be 'Balls? Cuz then when we're in the audience he can introduce his 'Balls.

Brilliant!

Can we just be 'Balls? Cuz then when we're in the audience he can introduce his 'Balls.

That's fantastic Jocabia, I think we'll have to go with that.

Oh, and more Swedish Meatballs. Those things are the food of the Gods.

I make great swedish meatballs. :)

In Sweden, are they just called 'meatballs'? :confused:

So, when can we expect the Comedy Central Presents Featuring Lunatic Goofballs?

I have to coax the Mrs. up to that level. She's a very private person, so we're kind of trying to find a happy medium here. *nod*

I have to coax the Mrs. up to that level. She's a very private person, so we're kind of trying to find a happy medium here. *nod*

lol

I'm going to have to track you down, find what club you are at, and come to heckle you.

In Sweden, are they just called 'meatballs'? :confused:

They're probably called American meatballs...
Where's Fass when you need him?

I make great swedish meatballs. :)

In Sweden, are they just called 'meatballs'? :confused:

The first time I made them I didn't know how to make one of the ingredients so I substituted Bailey's Irish Creme. I swear eating them gets women pregnant. It's been verified by independent studies.

The first time I made them I didn't know how to make one of the ingredients so I substituted Bailey's Irish Creme. I swear eating them gets women pregnant. It's been verified by independent studies.

Fortunately my wife has not gotten pregnant frrom eating them, we've got enough kids now

Fortunately my wife has not gotten pregnant frrom eating them, we've got enough kids now

That's cause she's never had my meatballs in her mouth.

(Sorry, but you really set that one up.)

That's cause she's never had my meatballs in her mouth.

(Sorry, but you really set that one up.)

:mp5: ;)

No apologies necessary, that was a good one, Jocabia.