NationStates Jolt Archive


Please, kill me.

Mirkai
31-01-2008, 23:47
Recently our household was blessed with a baby. A cute, screaming, impossibly loud baby.

What's the most painless way to deafen myself? I hear that commercial ear drops can eat right through your ear drum, but I don't think I can wait long enough to go to the store.
Ashmoria
31-01-2008, 23:49
Recently our household was blessed with a baby. A cute, screaming, impossibly loud baby.

What's the most painless way to deafen myself? I hear that commercial ear drops can eat right through your ear drum, but I don't think I can wait long enough to go to the store.

does this mean that its not your baby?

youll get used to the crying. it just takes a bit of time.
Mirkai
31-01-2008, 23:56
does this mean that its not your baby?

youll get used to the crying. it just takes a bit of time.

It is indeed not my baby, nor is it really my sibling. I have no blood relation to it.
Knights of Liberty
01-02-2008, 00:01
It is indeed not my baby, nor is it really my sibling. I have no blood relation to it.



It will still taste delicous. I recommend some sauted red peppers and a nice white whine sauce.
Ashmoria
01-02-2008, 00:09
It is indeed not my baby, nor is it really my sibling. I have no blood relation to it.

oh well then. the best course it to stay as far away from it as possible.
1010102
01-02-2008, 00:15
It will still taste delicous. I recommend some sauted red peppers and a nice white whine sauce.

Bah. Heathly dose of tabasco does the trick.
Greater Trostia
01-02-2008, 00:17
Large quantities of alcohol should do it.
JuNii
01-02-2008, 00:18
youll get used to the crying. it just takes a bit of time.

QFT
German Nightmare
01-02-2008, 00:33
Recently our household was blessed with a baby. A cute, screaming, impossibly loud baby.

What's the most painless way to deafen myself? I hear that commercial ear drops can eat right through your ear drum, but I don't think I can wait long enough to go to the store.
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2013/1760283150_02b3e0db2e_m.jpg

Get an alien. They always help!

And congrats on the new human. ;)
Mirkai
01-02-2008, 00:45
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2013/1760283150_02b3e0db2e_m.jpg

Get an alien. They always help!

And congrats on the new human. ;)

I've always wanted my own xenomorph.
JuNii
01-02-2008, 00:54
I've always wanted my own xenomorph.

the babies just clamp on to you and take your heart... ok, more like your stomach but it's still close enough.
Lackadaisical1
01-02-2008, 00:57
Just buy some ear plugs, or move out.
King Arthur the Great
01-02-2008, 00:59
Bah. Heathly dose of tabasco does the trick.

I thought that Jonathon Swift advised that you wait until the first birthday, then either stew it, bake it, boil it, or roast it. Details can be found in A Modest Proposal (http://www.uoregon.edu/~rbear/modest.html).
Sumamba Buwhan
01-02-2008, 01:07
I'm sorry but I cannot kill you. It's against forum rules.
Hydesland
01-02-2008, 01:09
http://www.fugly.com/media/IMAGES/WTF/eating-the-baby-sandwich.jpg

You knew it was coming
Tmutarakhan
01-02-2008, 01:15
It will still taste delicous. I recommend some sauted red peppers and a nice white whine sauce.
Was that intentional, or fortuitous?
Mirkai
01-02-2008, 02:07
Just buy some ear plugs, or move out.

That's no fun. I prefer solutions with as much blood as possible.
Kryozerkia
01-02-2008, 02:09
Benadryl... the answers to all your problems.
Call to power
01-02-2008, 02:17
do your nipples go on alert when you hear it cry? I just like asking that question

do what you do when you have loud neighbours and drown the crying out with death metal!
Mirkai
01-02-2008, 02:19
do your nipples go on alert when you hear it cry? I just like asking that question

do what you do when you have loud neighbours and drown the crying out with death metal!

I lost my nipples in 'nam you insensitive clod.
B en H
01-02-2008, 02:26
It will still taste delicous. I recommend some sauted red peppers and a nice white whine sauce.

I prefer it pure...
Greston
01-02-2008, 02:32
Take out the ol' shot gun I always say. Or shove a M80 up its butt.
Smunkeeville
01-02-2008, 02:38
my oldest had colic, it was not fun, you have to not take it personally and don't get pissed or nervous, babies smell fear! have the parents take it to the doctor if it's crying too much, it might have something like gas or reflux or something else painful and annoying for babies.

there are gas drops at the health food store, they are safe, you just put a drop under baby's tongue and he will fart all night, and then cry less........

whose baby is this? *didn't read past the OP* is it being burped properly? how old is it? does it puke a lot?
Domici
01-02-2008, 02:41
my oldest had colic, it was not fun, you have to not take it personally and don't get pissed or nervous, babies smell fear! have the parents take it to the doctor if it's crying too much, it might have something like gas or reflux or something else painful and annoying for babies.

there are gas drops at the health food store, they are safe, you just put a drop under baby's tongue and he will fart all night, and then cry less........

whose baby is this? *didn't read past the OP* is it being burped properly? how old is it? does it puke a lot?

I used to give mine fennel tea mixed with her formula. Slip the bottle into her screaming mouth, and she would start to drink. While the bottle was gently squalling empty she would begin farting to the point that it wasn't so much flatulence as deflation. Then she'd pass out.
Sarejavo
01-02-2008, 02:43
That's no fun. I prefer solutions with as much blood as possible.

if you listened to some Cannibal Corpse or some other gory death metal. Whilst you drowned out the noise of the screaming baby you may get some good ideas on how to dispose of 'it' :rolleyes:

also it could drive you to kill yourself as Cannibal Corpse are extremely boring
B en H
01-02-2008, 02:44
Someone told me that if u put a crying baby under water, it eventually stops crying. It works every time he says...
Call to power
01-02-2008, 02:45
there are gas drops at the health food store, they are safe, you just put a drop under baby's tongue and he will fart all night, and then cry less........

do these fart drops work on people?

because I could have fun with this :p
Fall of Empire
01-02-2008, 02:46
Recently our household was blessed with a baby. A cute, screaming, impossibly loud baby.

What's the most painless way to deafen myself? I hear that commercial ear drops can eat right through your ear drum, but I don't think I can wait long enough to go to the store.

You can stab your ears out with a Q-Tip. Or you could listen to your IPod. I think option two is better. But that's just me.
Smunkeeville
01-02-2008, 02:57
do these fart drops work on people?

because I could have fun with this :p

only if they have un-expelled gas to begin with....... (most people do)
South Lorenya
01-02-2008, 03:07
Trade in the baby for a couple kittens?
Neworldy
01-02-2008, 03:38
Recently our household was blessed with a baby. A cute, screaming, impossibly loud baby.

What's the most painless way to deafen myself? I hear that commercial ear drops can eat right through your ear drum, but I don't think I can wait long enough to go to the store.

:sniper:
Damaske
01-02-2008, 04:04
Best way to deafen yourself?

If this is a permanent situation...get used to it.

If not, earplugs.
Mirkai
02-02-2008, 00:35
Someone told me that if u put a crying baby under water, it eventually stops crying. It works every time he says...

This is the solution I've chosen.
Soviestan
02-02-2008, 00:38
just use a pillow to cover and the noise will go away. Funny, I could be refering to your ears or the baby. It's your call.