NationStates Jolt Archive

So, having been watching a lot of film recently, I was struck by the number of times movie characters suffer hand injuries, whether it be Luke fighting Vader or the part in "T-3" when T-X loses the primary weapons projectile in her arm and has to choose a replacement.

Thus, it has led me to question what would be the best replacement for suffering such hand trauma. Personally, I'd build a mechanical hand, probably out of an armor gauntlet and then modifying a chainsaw that the new hand would attach to.

A hook obviously or maybe a trout.

there are hand surgeons, y'know... and if it's severed cleanly, them surgeons can reattach it... AHA! I'll invent hand transplant surgery!

if you have a chainsaw for a hand, you couldn't type...

Powered Gauntlet, similar to the one Jordan uses in the Comic Strip "Exploitation Now (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exploitation_Now)"

won't link to it due to the adult content.

there are hand surgeons, y'know... and if it's severed cleanly, them surgeons can reattach it... AHA! I'll invent hand transplant surgery!

if you have a chainsaw for a hand, you couldn't type...

Somebody's never seen Army of Darkness

http://pictures.deadlycomputer.com/d/9956-3/250px-Bruce_Campbell_Army_of_Darkness.jpg

Giant inflated novelty hand.

Something that would make both awesome at bass and at pleasing a woman.

Somebody's never seen Army of Darkness
actually, the Chainsaw is attached in Evil Dead II. :p

A laser sword.

actually, the Chainsaw is attached in Evil Dead II. :p

Yeah, but Army of Darkness is the famous movie. While I too have enjoyed "The Sequel to the Ultimate Experience in Grueling Terror," most people don't remember that one, but there is at least the recognition of Ash Williams with the chainsaw limb in Army. Though the swap out for an energy blasting arm in the comic "Army of Darkness vs. Marvel Zombies" was a cool concept. A shame he didn't keep the Doom-bot arm for future use.

Somebody's never seen Army of Darkness
I don't watch movies.

I'd have my old hand back.
Failing that, a flamethrower.

Just as pure fun? Ruffy's lighter of doom.

I wanna be a robot. A robot hand would be step one. Although this begs the question, when the robot-human wars come, will I have to detach my hand and fight it, or will my hand detach itself and fight me?

I'm trying to get one of these.
http://www.touchbionics.com/

Currently I use either
Grip 2s (titanium) (http://www.oandp.com/products/trs/adults/grip_prehensors.asp)

Or the old reliable hook....(not a rubber powered split hook, the old school hook)

I wanna be a robot. A robot hand would be step one. Although this begs the question, when the robot-human wars come, will I have to detach my hand and fight it, or will my hand detach itself and fight me?

You could try to claim neutrality on the flimsy grounds you will not be a pure human, nor a robot, but a cyborg.

I would replace my left hand with a vagina.

A tentacle! http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/cthulhusunglasses.gif

a vibrating pocket pussy

You could try to claim neutrality on the flimsy grounds you will not be a pure human, nor a robot, but a cyborg.

Both sides would probably view him, and other cyborgs, as freaks and kill them off.

I would replace my left hand with a vagina.


crap, beaten to it

crap, beaten to it

well... beatings would be involved... :p

I would replace my left hand with a vagina.

Remember to mount it so that use does not force gradualized flexing. :p

Remember to mount it so that use does not force gradualized flexing. :p


Mounting it is the whole point, anyway.

I'd get a mechanical hand with lasers in every finger.

I haven't used a prosthetic since I was seven. I'm fine without one.

there are hand surgeons, y'know... and if it's severed cleanly, them surgeons can reattach it... AHA! I'll invent hand transplant surgery!

if you have a chainsaw for a hand, you couldn't type...

I'm going to geek out and ask, "How do you type with boxing glov...I mean chainsaws on?"

I'd probably replace my hand with a cyborg hand. And I could switch it out for a chainsaw whenever I wanted to slay my adversary. That would be awesome.

Use my DNA to clone a new hand for myself.

I would put my head at my amputated arm so I have a very flexible neck. But then comes the dilemma what to place on my real neck where my head used to be...

sock puppet is the only viable answer

or will the sock puppet wear me?!

... But then comes the dilemma what to place on my real neck where my head used to be...

A large PEZ dispenser.

I would have the torso, arms and head of a small person attached to my wrist. Something sort of like this (http://www.dkimages.com/discover/previews/912/50388363.JPG), only with a real person instead of a fake monkey.
With another set of hands and eyes at the end of my arm, I would be unstoppable! The only threat I would have to fear is my hand-person developing self-awareness and attempting to cut himself free while I was asleep; thus, once again, leaving me one hand short.

I would put my head at my amputated arm so I have a very flexible neck. But then comes the dilemma what to place on my real neck where my head used to be...

A turret gun/flamethrower, a vase with some nice flowers,...

A cybernetic hand that deploys into the Dark Energy Gravity Gun (aka World's Smallest Superweapon) from Half-Life 2.

if you have a chainsaw for a hand, you couldn't type...

Which, depending upon the person, wouldn't necesarily be a bad thing

I would get a simple mechanical hand that mimics the functionality of the human hand. Then I would add retractable claws and wifi internet.

I would get a simple mechanical hand that mimics the functionality of the human hand. Then I would add retractable claws and wifi internet.

We would call you...Wi-lverine.

Myself <-- :mp5:

We would call you...Wi-lverine.

Myself <-- :mp5:
:p

Or if Posi is a married woman: Wife-I

*insert gallows smiley here*

I would get a simple mechanical hand that mimics the functionality of the human hand. Then I would add retractable claws and wifi internet.

I can just see you trying to upload to the internet, only to accidentally impale your laptop in an ill-fated effort to extend your wireless signal. This has messy jokes written all over it.

Both sides would probably view him, and other cyborgs, as freaks and kill them off.

we will be the kurds of the robot wars.

I'd have multiple detachable hand options, ala The Moon is a Harsh Mistress.

Probably some kind of biomimetic mechanical hand. One that can, depending on the situation, convince both humans and machines that I'm on their side and not a subversive. Way I figure it, might as well be ready to switch sides as needed.

Probably some kind of biomimetic mechanical hand. One that can, depending on the situation, convince both humans and machines that I'm on their side and not a subversive. Way I figure it, might as well be ready to switch sides as needed.

Eh, I won't need to switch sides.

I've always wanted an indestructible robot hand that can control minds.

my hand is pretty good to be honest, i just don't know what to do with it. the hand i've been dealt with i mean.

Uber mechanical hand, like in the last terminator film.

I'd take a mechanical hand so I could still...uh...um...please myself... at least until i get some :fluffle:

TENTACLE BABY ALL THE WAY!!!

*ahem*

Yes. Why has no-one mentioned the awesomeness of tentacle appendages?

I would replace my hand with a vagina. God that would be amazing!!!

A wii-mote, for the grins.

sock puppet is the only viable answer

or will the sock puppet wear me?!

Scary, you might find your personality being taken over & slowly replaced by the sock puppet's! :eek:

I think I'd go for an inflated rubber glove, it would lead to amusing hand shaking incidents. :)

Did you know, of all the parts of the human anatomy, the hand is the most abused part.

Heavens! NOT a chainsaw or a hook! What if you forgot and tried to whipe your butt with it!!!!! or worse tried to have sex with yourself with it??A 35 horse power vasectomy!!!:(

Did you know, of all the parts of the human anatomy, the hand is the most abused part.

*barely refrains from making very lurid comments*

Did you know, of all the parts of the human anatomy, the hand is the most abused part.

I would have thought the lungs were pretty high up there

I would have thought the lungs were pretty high up there

possibly, but the hand has been used for just about every action humans make, i mean when you go to the toilet what do you use to....etc. What do you use to eat, to clean up mess, to hold weapons you use your hand.. it all adds up to one, unlucky human part.

A flamethrowing nuclear powered hampster cannon. It'd come in handy someday, I'm sure...

I would put my head at my amputated arm so I have a very flexible neck. But then comes the dilemma what to place on my real neck where my head used to be...

This is still the best option.