NationStates Jolt Archive

lol

I love sarcasm :)

EDIT: My thread nao.

Its satirism, what wrong?

Why Can't I Own a Canadian?
October 2002
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

Wha...?

lol

I love sarcasm :)

EDIT: My thread nao.

arghhh, i must learn your stealing powers.

Cute. "Haha."

Though I must say that unless a debate is started or a (real) question posed, this really is not a viable thread. It is just a piece of news, and NS is not a relay station for news.

That's awesome.

Though I must say that unless a debate is started or a (real) question posed, this really is not a viable thread. It is just a piece of news, and NS is not a relay station for news.

it does ask allot of questions that really need answers though

for instance I'd really say that £10000 would be enough for a fertile daughter provided she is of mediocre attractiveness and of 19 years however in this age of glamor and camera tricks how can one be sure?

That's really old, I've seen it several dozen times. Pretty sure it's older than the 2002 date listed.

That was brilliant. Stick it, Laura!

it is the best way to stick it to a conservatives face.

Welcome to 2000!

Cute. "Haha."

Though I must say that unless a debate is started or a (real) question posed, this really is not a viable thread. It is just a piece of news, and NS is not a relay station for news.

OK get rady, a (real) question is about to be posed, should we still follow the bibles *unbreakable laws* that were set six thousand years ago even in our modern society.:sniper::gundge::mp5:

Why Can't I Own a Canadian? <SNIP>

LOL, a great response to a ridiculous assertation

OK get rady, a (real) question is about to be posed, should we still follow the bibles *unbreakable laws* that were set six thousand years ago even in our modern society.:sniper::gundge::mp5:

No

OK get rady, a (real) question is about to be posed, should we still follow the bibles *unbreakable laws* that were set six thousand years ago even in our modern society.
No not at all. There is no place for those draconian laws.

just plain awesome

this is so old that dr laura hasnt been orthodox in more than 4 years.

so i guess she now has no problem with wearing mixed fabric clothing.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/drlaura.asp

Cute. "Haha."

Though I must say that unless a debate is started or a (real) question posed, this really is not a viable thread. It is just a piece of news, and NS is not a relay station for news.It's missing the "new" part of "news"... this is pretty old.

I read it before, still pretty funny though

OK get rady, a (real) question is about to be posed, should we still follow the bibles *unbreakable laws* that were set six thousand years ago even in our modern society.:sniper::gundge::mp5:

A (real) non-rhetorical question.

Someone was clever enough to steal a chain email and address it to Dr Laura. Give the man a prize.