NationStates Jolt Archive

Yes, it's another religion thread. But with a twist!

I want opinions, I want statements of convicted belief, I want plain facts, I want uncertainties, I want debates, and I want lots of them all. After a while, I'll throw everything into Word and AutoSummarise. Hopefully, the results will be enlightening, horrifying, and not a little amusing.

So, Who is/was Jesus?

i have no idea how this is going to work

jesus is the manufactured figurehead of hellenized mystic judaism.

This thread will boil down to boring arguments ... Like nearly ever religion thread i see here.

Jesus was this awesome dude who is the Son of God and went to earth and died on a cross as the final sacrifice, and we have to believe that that awesome dude was the Son of God who died on a cross as a final sacrifice to be saved from our sins.

But, pretty much, he was just an awesome dude who could walk on water and heal the lepers and awesome stuff like that.

*nod*

Jesus is a Hispanic guy. He enjoys basketball and techno music.

This thread will boil down to boring arguments ... Like nearly ever religion thread i see here.
Feel free to sabotage the results if you want to make things interesting. We could do with a few completely spurious assertions here and there. :D

This thread will boil down to boring arguments ... Like nearly ever religion thread i see here.

Or a serious show of idiot Atheists who's arguments are so horrible that they make me want to CONVERT to Christianity.

Or a serious show of idiot Atheists who's arguments are so horrible that they make me want to CONVERT to Christianity.

:confused:

Son of God and savior of Humanity.

:confused:

Some arguments I hear against God are so stupid that they prove that such a being exists.

Some arguments I hear against God are so stupid that they prove that such a being exists.

Such as?


Anyway, just to see what this does with the results...

Jesus was a giant garden gnome from Xenu's garden. From a young age, he was never accepted in his high school, until, one day, he was bitten by a radioactive spider, giving him the power to morph into any animal that he touches. That's when he realized that he had to go on a quest to destroy the One Ring, but he instead pawned it and, with the money, bought lottery tickets. Using his Jesus powers, he influenced the results so that he won the jackpot. Using the money gained from that, he hired a team of the best fiction writers of the day, bought them a whole bunch of really trippy drugs, and asked them to write a book about him.

The result was the Bible, which is actually a corruption of the Aramaic "Ba-libeo," which was not actually the title of the book, but a parental advisory warning for its graphic content.

Jesus was history's greatest Con-artist.

Some arguments I hear against God are so stupid that they prove that such a being exists.

And what arguments would they be?

jesus is...a punk rocker
jesus is...a punk rocker
jesus is a punk rocker now!

Yes, it's another religion thread. But with a twist!

I want opinions, I want statements of convicted belief, I want plain facts, I want uncertainties, I want debates, and I want lots of them all. After a while, I'll throw everything into Word and AutoSummarise. Hopefully, the results will be enlightening, horrifying, and not a little amusing.

So, Who is/was Jesus?

Jesus was the first Mexican-American President of the United States who was sent back in time to prevent Global Warming which one hundred years in the future has almost doomed mankind and really driven up the price of tacos.

He died to preserve tacos for future generations. *nod*

a myth generated from a composite of a number of different characters in jewish history.

in soviet russia, jesus died for you!!

oh, wait...

Jesus was a historical person who realized in himself that he and what he called the Father were one, and he lived out of that knowledge of the Christhood of his nature. ---Joseph Campbell on Gnosticism and the Christ within man.

I agree.

hes the best i say jesus is awesome savior of humanity and the releigion christiany

in soviet russia, jesus died for you!!

oh, wait...

in soviet russia i sold my soul to save jesus the bother.

*chows down on "Leg of Savior"


Well, He did say Eat of my Flesh and call himself the Lamb of God.

And what arguments would they be?

Not arguments from intelligent Atheists, but arguments from moronic ones such as the 13 year old "rebel".

I'm Atheist myself, don't get me wrong.

Jesus was a Jewish philosopher who believed himself to be a prophet. He was crucified for upsetting the Jewish social order, and was later deified by his followers, such as S/Paul.

*chows down on "Leg of Savior"


Well, He did say Eat of my Flesh and call himself the Lamb of God.

hmmm, wrack of jesus, yummerz! lol, jesus had moobs.

Jesus is a Hispanic guy. He enjoys basketball and techno music.

Don't forget he invented "Ranchero" music.

hmmm, wrack of jesus, yummerz! lol, jesus had moobs.

Don't forget it is all you can eat. He rises from the dead to provide more deliciousness every time.

bagsies on deep fried chilli jesus penis.

Son of God, savior of humanity, and paragon of human nature as it should be.

Thanx for recognizing me. Oh you were talking about jesus? nevermind.

Son of God, savior of humanity, and paragon of human nature as it should be.

This thread will boil down to boring arguments ... Like nearly ever religion thread i see here.
Never boring arguments.

Son of God, savior of humanity, and paragon of human nature as it should be.Not my saviour.
And as "son", also not god.
Paragon of human nature? Hardly.
Should be? Do you even know what you're talking about?

Jesus was this awesome dude who is the Son of God and went to earth and died on a cross as the final sacrifice, and we have to believe that that awesome dude was the Son of God who died on a cross as a final sacrifice to be saved from our sins.Or not. Sins still abound. He's still not "risen". There's no real proof he existed in the first place. And certainly not the "Son of God". And a much, MUCH better example would have been to remain ALIVE on EARTH to serve as a BETTER sacrifice.

But, pretty much, he was just an awesome dude who could walk on water and heal the lepers and awesome stuff like that.The healing thing would've been cool.

Or a serious show of idiot Atheists who's arguments are so horrible that they make me want to CONVERT to Christianity.

Why don't you cite a few examples there? Just, you know, so you're not mocked for glossy, inaccurate statements, which quite often here is worth a nominal mocking?
You're not afraid of those kinds of things on debate threads, are you?

Some arguments I hear against God are so stupid that they prove that such a being exists.

The only way a "stupid argument" would prove any "God" to be real is ....
... wait for it ...

...too easy.
It's much more likely that you're quite confused and looking for easy targets to vindicate a dangerous delusion. Or at least you certainly convey yourself that way ... funny you should say "Don't get me wrong".

As a self-professed "atheist", you should know better.

Son of God and savior of Humanity.
Upon cursory glance, it seems quite clear that he failed on both counts. Perhaps you should worship something else.

Don't forget it is all you can eat. He rises from the dead to provide more deliciousness every time.

:D
Just a little more pumping of blood through the muscles tenders 'em up a bit for the gnawing.

hes the best i say jesus is awesome savior of humanity and the releigion christiany
Not my saviour.

*chows down on "Leg of Savior"


Well, He did say Eat of my Flesh and call himself the Lamb of God.
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y9/MAR-Peeves/applause_crowd.gif
Yay, cannibalism! Only page 2!

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y9/MAR-Peeves/applause_crowd.gif
Yay, cannibalism! Only page 2!

*bows*

Page 1 btw.

...snip any one of many posts in a row...
With all of your attacking the people with different opinions than your own, did you even read the OP?

What part of: I want opinions, I want statements of convicted belief, I want plain facts, I want uncertainties, I want debates, and I want lots of them all. After a while, I'll throw everything into Word and AutoSummarise. Didn't you understand?

The OP asked for those Opinions, ALL opinions, they didn't ask for opinions so that the atheists wanks could pejoratively attack all the people that don’t share their atheist opinions. They allow too much of this inconsiderate, egocentric claptrap around here, basic trolling (by shear number) and flambaiting in nature, you should stop it. Can’t even read a thread anymore without people wrecking it with their own little tirades. Admitedly my post here is a rant against your tirade but it’s not like I do it all them time, when a past post check prove you do, do it all the time.

the mods are too heavy handed. and straghn's a giggle. chill out pal.

the mods are too heavy handed. and straghn's a giggle. chill out pal.

He's not a giggle, he actively discourages people with opinions different from his own from responding.

What part of I want debates didn't you understand?


Kamsaki-Myu = Hamilay???


Really? Why the puppet nation then? Perhaps you would like to start with a debate question in the OP then the next time you puppet a thread.

He's not a giggle, he actively discourages people with opinions different from his own from responding.

he's an agent provocateur, you got provoked, except you didn't respond in an entertaining way.

With all of your attacking the people with different opinions than your own, did you even read the OP?

What part of: I want opinions, I want statements of convicted belief, I want plain facts, I want uncertainties, I want debates, and I want lots of them all. After a while, I'll throw everything into Word and AutoSummarise. Didn't you understand?

The OP asked for those Opinions, ALL opinions, they didn't ask for opinions so that the atheists wanks could pejoratively attack all the people that don’t share their atheist opinions. They allow too much of this inconsiderate, egocentric claptrap around here, basic trolling (by shear number) and flambaiting in nature, you should stop it. Can’t even read a thread anymore without people wrecking it with their own little tirades. Admitedly my post here is a rant against your tirade but it’s not like I do it all them time, when a past post check prove you do, do it all the time.

What part of I want debates didn't you understand?

he's an agent provocateur, you got provoked, except you didn't respond in an entertaining way.

Yes, they have words for those things, they are called, trolling, baiting, bashing and flamebaiting, you call it agent provocateur but that doesn't change the effect.

Uh, wait, what?

No, I am not Kamsaki-Myu. I am pointing out that the OP has asked for debates, with the same wording with which you so nicely requoted the OP for us, and that this is what Straughn is doing. This is perfectly within the bounds of what the OP wants, it seems to me.

He asked for a lot of different descriptions of Jesus to have Word autosummarize it, all descriptions were welcome, atheist ones and believer ones, the thread doesn't ask for a debate itself from what I can see, but it accepts debate (able) descriptions of Jesus, from the way I'm reading it.


(edit: I actually waited a couple of minutes to post to try and make sure your post was above my response... didn't work :( )

Kamsaki-Myu = Hamilay???


Really? Why the puppet nation then? Perhaps you would like to start with a debate question in the OP then the next time you puppet a thread.

Uh, wait, what?

No, I am not Kamsaki-Myu. I am pointing out that the OP has asked for debates, with the same wording with which you so nicely requoted the OP for us, and that this is what Straughn is doing. This is perfectly within the bounds of what the OP wants, it seems to me.

He asked for a lot of different descriptions of Jesus to have Word autosummarize it, all descriptions. atheist ones and believer ones, the thread doesn't ask for a debate, but it accepts debate (able) descriptions of Jesus, from the way I'm reading it.


(edit: I actually waited a couple of minutes to post to try and make sure your post was above my response... didn't work :( )

Yes, it's another religion thread. But with a twist!

I want opinions, I want statements of convicted belief, I want plain facts, I want uncertainties, I want debates, and I want lots of them all. After a while, I'll throw everything into Word and AutoSummarise. Hopefully, the results will be enlightening, horrifying, and not a little amusing.

So, Who is/was Jesus?

Sure looks like he's asking for debates to me.

Anyway, to get on topic, a filthy communist. :mad:

Isn't Jesus played by John Turturro in The Big Lebowski? In that case, Jesus is an avid, competitive bowler and a has to alert his neighbors that he's a sexual predator. That's all I can remember, it's been a while since I've seen the movie.









Oh! You meant that Jesus. Sorry.

Jesus of Nazereth invented wine concentrate and pioneered the development of many other drugs. He gave free samples to people on regular occasions and they followed him around waiting for their next fix.

Jesus was, in all likelihood, a reasonably decent sort of guy. He was a popular - if disruptive - rabbi, and was quite liberal for his time. He tended to preach about being nice to people and good stuff like that. He has, in the past couple of millennia, been repeatedly invoked as an excuse not to be nice to people, which is rather a sad statement on humankind.

Alternatively, Jesus is a Mexican stoner kid I used to know.

Yes, they have words for those things, they are called, trolling, baiting, bashing and flamebaiting, you call it agent provocateur but that doesn't change the effect.

this place would be deathly dull without it.

This pretty much sums it up.

http://deadinthehead.files.wordpress.com/2007/05/christianity1.jpg

I think Jesus has been HIGHLY modified like all myths and legends.

I think one of two things happened. Either he was a very deluded man with schizophrenia or some other kind of illness that caused him to have delusion. He channelled these delusions to thinking it was god. Or he was a Great con artist.

From there it's the same. Either the Jesus who was a great con-artist, or those around him, Saul/Paul in particular, then used him to first try to take control of the Jewish Faith. Remember JC was a Jew, and met some of the prophecies about the son of god coming to Earth.

That failed, but they realised they still had a great product (an afterlife that didn't suck) to sell, and did so with great skill and ability.

Not arguments from intelligent Atheists, but arguments from moronic ones such as the 13 year old "rebel".

I'm Atheist myself, don't get me wrong.

intelligent atheists can you say oxymoron

god! how many times do it needs to be debated again and again and again

An amalgamation.

A construct.

But, a nice thought.

So, here's our first draft. After clipping out the arguments about the rationality of belief (which didn't have anything to do with the question) I autosummarised the whole thread. I then did it again. The summary of the summary comes out as follows:

Who is/was Jesus?

*nod*

Jesus is a Hispanic guy. Son of God and savior of Humanity.

Jesus was history's greatest Con-artist.

jesus is...a punk rocker
jesus is...a punk rocker
jesus is a punk rocker now!

in soviet russia, jesus died for you!! hmmm, wrack of jesus, yummerz! lol, jesus had moobs.

bagsies on deep fried chilli jesus penis.

You meant that Jesus.

It's a good start. Keep the info coming! (full initial summary attached)

Jesus Jesus Bo-Besus,
Banana-fana Fo-Fesus
Fe-Fi-Mo-Mesus
Jesus!

:)

Jesus was probably a cool kind of guy, but I wouldn't say related to God. I don't think he ever said he was, anyway.

I truly, truly believe that Jesus of Nazareth never existed.

http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/

Check out this film.

I think jesus is a pretty cool guy. eh gets killed and doesn't afraid of anything.

Jesus Jesus Bo-Besus,
Banana-fana Fo-Fesus
Fe-Fi-Mo-Mesus
Jesus!

:)found some of your kid's dope??

*cracks his knuckles*

Alright, here we go. Jesus was cloned from Sephiroth by the evil scientist Hojo. His real mother was Jenova and his real father was a Turk named Vincent. He was considered a failure so he wasn't even given a tattoo number. He later gave the huge materia to Sephiroth and Sephiroth summed meteor. But Jesus' girlfriend Aeris was an ancient so she summoned holy and saved the planet from meteor but Sephiroth killed her anyway at the end of disc one(so sad).

There is a rumor that you can resurrect Aeris if you get the underwater materia from the old man in Kalm and then defeat both Emerald and Ruby weapon, but I did that and I couldn't get Aeris back. So the whole resurrection thing is just a rumor.

Jesus=Christianity.
Jesus=Crucifixion.
Jesus=Human.
Human=other humans.
Other humans=rumours about Jesus.
Rumours about Jesus=Christianity.
Christianity=uncertainty.
Uncertainty=A house built on sand, one day it will sink.
So Jesus is a myth of Human religion.

Jesus created the universe approximately six thousand years ago, focusing particularly (as far as we know) on one particular planet and one species of life that He created on it. Jesus sporadically affected the welfare of one particular group of humans wandering around Southwest Asia for approximately four thousand years, and then He radically changed behavior, creating Himself as a human. Jesus attracted a small following before he was killed. The killed Jesus then revivified and reunited with Himself and resumed His former pattern of sporadic intervention, though due to the spreading influence of Jesus's human following He now affects the welfare of a larger and more diverse collection of humans. Jesus has transmitted, through human intermediaries, a promise to return part or all of Himself to human existence at some future unspecified date.

I think that about covers it. That omniscience thing must really come in handy if You're a Trinity. Imagine being a non-omniscient trinitarian being! So, so confusing.....

the mods are too heavy handed. and straghn's a giggle. chill out pal.

It's not my fault a heavy bone structure and musculature make my hands weighty. :(

Jesus was history's greatest Con-artist.

I figure if you get yourself killed over your con artistry, you're not even a decent con artist, let alone the greatest.

I saw you sittin' there
I was tryin' not to stare
I wasn't sure if it was you
I didn't know just what to do

Are you drinkin' with me Jesus
I can't see you very clear
Are you drinkin' with me Jesus
Would you buy a friend a beer

As I nestled on my barstool
I felt your warmness within
I looked down at my pants
That wasn't warmness
I wet myself again

Are you drinkin' with me Jesus
I can't see you very clear
Are you drinkin' with me Jesus
Would you buy a friend a beer

Does your head pound, Jesus
As hung over you do rise
How does paradise look, Jesus
Through holy bloodshot eyes

Should we take a cab home Jesus
Man, we can hoof it from here
I know you can walk on the water
But can you walk on this much beer

Are you drinkin' with me Jesus
I can't see you very clear
Are you drinkin' with me Jesus
Would you buy a friend a beer

I figure if you get yourself killed over your con artistry, you're not even a decent con artist, let alone the greatest.

though you'll note that he wasn't actually buried in the tomb. sounds to me like jesus faked his death for the insurance money.

It's not my fault a heavy bone structure and musculature make my hands weighty. :(



I figure if you get yourself killed over your con artistry, you're not even a decent con artist, let alone the greatest.

Good point.


He was a crappy con artist who in death tricked a shit load of people.

"My wife is with Jesus now..... Or Jose... I can't remember what that Hispanic bastards name was she ran off with!!!"

found some of your kid's dope??

He's three. The doses are way too small to share. :p

I figure if you get yourself killed over your con artistry, you're not even a decent con artist, let alone the greatest.

Touche' Pussycat. :)

If there was a con artist involved in the formation of christianity, and I'm not saying there is, my vote would go to Paul. There was something really wrong with that scumbag. *nod*

this clip explains it.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPCHN0ZQl2Y

this clip explains it.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPCHN0ZQl2Y
For the sake of having something to actually textually summarise, Jesus was a street magician whose abilities have been exaggerated a bit?

Since I failed earlier to contribute something for you textual summary, I'll do that now.

Jesus is the kind of guy that displays amazing patience with those who are willing to learn, and is quick to refute those who already think they know it all.

Jesus is a jolly good fellow who cares about everyone. He gives comfort to those who need it, and disturbs those who are too comfortable and need to be shaken up a bit.

Jesus is a very wise person who understands the culture and times in which he lives, and communicates with people on a level they can understand or that will lead to understanding.

Jesus is a man who knows what it is to be human at its best, and wants other people to find that knowledge too.

*bows*

Page 1 btw.

D'oh! My bad.
Cannibalism should probably be on every first page of religious threads anyway. :p

D'oh! My bad.
Cannibalism should probably be on every first page of religious threads anyway. :p

Not every religious thread, only those about Religions based on cannibalism.