NationStates Jolt Archive

I do see the irony of coming here for advice, considering that in most cases the majority of posters and I disagree. That tends to be on issues of politics and metaphysics however, and I've found a lot of useful insights here on more mundane day-to-day issues, and that's where we're all prettymuch the same.

A few months ago I lost my job. I had been there a little over a year and was never really happy, but it paid decently well and was a secure (I thought) position. Here's what happened:

When I was first hired, it was clear that there were certain technologies and skills that I did not have knowledge of or experience with. I made that clear because I didn't want to misrepresent myself only to lose the job. I was given assurances that I'd receive training to get up to speed, and that they wanted someone at my level because they wanted to bring in someone who was trainable in their way of doing things.

So I accepted the job and found immediately that their idea of training was equivalent to a college course where the professor tosses you the syllabus and says "Google some websites. Read them. Call me if you have any questions. Midterm in two weeks." While I was encouraged to ask questions of the lead developer, I was to limit my Q&A to brief 20 minute meetings each morning, because he didn't like to be bothered the rest of the time.

Each new project I worked on featured new skillsets and technologies I'd never used before, so the learning curve was constant. I did my best to stay ahead of the game, but ultimately I fell further and further behind because when the projects were planned, the developers weren't given the 'big picture' so I never had a firm context to work in and usually wasn't told unless I really pushed.

My boss at one point called me into his office and gave me a goal: To improve my image among the other developers because they'd lost confidence in me. Now, I used to be a manager and I know just how stupid a move that was. When you encourage someone to focus on their image, that will naturally detract from the quality of their work because looking good becomes more important than substance. Realizing this, I tried to simply focus on the work and get it done, but because I wasn't making overt attempts to 'improve my image' my boss interpreted that as stubbornness.

After each project, there was supposed to be a review with the team lead to examine our work and identify areas that worked really well and areas that didn't, all for the sake of learning and improving. Of 9 projects I worked on, this only happened twice. Obviously, feedback, a critical component in this type of work, was completely missing. I continued to fall behind.

Ultimately it all came to a head and I was fired.

Not long after I started my current job and the difference is like night and day. Here, too, I was missing some skills but the team lead not only means it when he says 'don't hesitate to ask questions,' he actually takes the time out to make sure everything is clear. This has resulted in my learning more in the last couple months than in the entire year+ at the other place. The other developers seem to have complete confidence in me, and even joke with me about needing an appointment if I have a question.

So it's a story with a happy ending except one thing... Resentment. I'm still angry about the other place, and am having a really hard time letting it go. I know I need to, and that nothing is to be gained by holding onto it, and that there's nothing I can do to make any of that better... But when I feel I've been dealt with unfairly it's hard for me to move on, knowing I was beaten by a jackass.

Suggestions?

They took your red swingline stapler? You should burn the building down.
Not being insulting, just wanted to get that joke in

Nothing to be resentful about, really. But if you feel you need to get it off your chest in one way or another, why not write an article about your experiences and publish it online somewhere?

Hey that's not a bad idea at all... Been thinking about starting a blog... I already have my own website and forum... Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

They took your red swingline stapler? You should burn the building down.
Not being insulting, just wanted to get that joke in

LOL Actually I took my red swingline with me. BWAHAHAHAHAHA

Look at it as an experience.
You had a job in a company that didn't exactly value and respect its employees, that made promises it didn't keep and put you under unnecessary pressure. I know that might sound harsh, but if they had been honest both with you and themselves, they would have told you straight-out that there will be training, but that it will have to fit into a busy schedule somehow and that it might not always be adequat (spelling?). It's what I have classified as "not a company I'd like to work for".

However, you left, and you've now got a job you enjoy a good deal more. I guess that in future, if you ever should happen for a company like that again, you'll probably be a lot more pushy when asking for training and will put up with a whole lot less. I know I do. So you learned from it, and you moved on.

Nothing to be resentful about, really. But if you feel you need to get it off your chest in one way or another, why not write an article about your experiences and publish it online somewhere?

So it's a story with a happy ending except one thing... Resentment. I'm still angry about the other place, and am having a really hard time letting it go. I know I need to, and that nothing is to be gained by holding onto it, and that there's nothing I can do to make any of that better... But when I feel I've been dealt with unfairly it's hard for me to move on, knowing I was beaten by a jackass.

Suggestions?

You have answered your own question. Move on. Ignore it. Act with grace and dignity. Know that all the resentment is being generated in your Amygdala, which is a rather primitive portion of your brain, being not much different from the Amygala of any reptile. The part of you that recognizes the need to move on, though, that is your pre-frontal cortex, and that is the amazing part that makes us something more than animals. Let it rule you.

Grace, dignity, civility, professionalism- keep these things in mind and you will strengthen those areas of your brain that deal with them. Remember, there is nothing to be gained by burning any bridges, and you don't know in what circumstances you might encounter any of these people 10 years down the road. The Pre-Frontal Cortex deals with the future. The Amygdala functions only in the Now, never in the Future- its anger will pass, and the future will remain.

Good posts so far.. Much appreciated, thank you.

You have answered your own question. Move on. Ignore it. Act with grace and dignity. Know that all the resentment is being generated in your Amygdala, which is a rather primitive portion of your brain, being not much different from the Amygala of any reptile. The part of you that recognizes the need to move on, though, that is your pre-frontal cortex, and that is the amazing part that makes us something more than animals. Let it rule you.

Grace, dignity, civility, professionalism- keep these things in mind and you will strengthen those areas of your brain that deal with them. Remember, there is nothing to be gained by burning any bridges, and you don't know in what circumstances you might encounter any of these people 10 years down the road. The Pre-Frontal Cortex deals with the future. The Amygdala functions only in the Now, never in the Future- its anger will pass, and the future will remain.
It's weird, because I'd give almost the opposite advice.

This may just be a personal quirk of mine, but I find that I can't really force myself to let something go if it's bothering me. I can restrain my actions or try to actively distract myself, but I usually can't make myself stop being pissed off.

For years I would try to do just that and I would end up making myself even more frustrated and angry. I would be spending so much time and effort trying to make myself stop being annoyed that I would become annoyed at how much effort I was having to spend...

Now I generally let myself feel pissed off for a bit. Sometimes I ask a good friend or my partner to let me vent at them for a little. I've found that if I allow myself to be angry and get it out of my system then I usually can move on more quickly than if I try to push it away or ignore my frustrations.

This is probably something that will vary a lot from person to person.

They took your red swingline stapler? You should burn the building down.
I come for the stories of woe, I stay for the cultural references.

Have you heard Swingline have started making red staplers again after a gap of years, apparently only because of pressure from Office Space fans.

It's weird, because I'd give almost the opposite advice.

This may just be a personal quirk of mine, but I find that I can't really force myself to let something go if it's bothering me. I can restrain my actions or try to actively distract myself, but I usually can't make myself stop being pissed off.

For years I would try to do just that and I would end up making myself even more frustrated and angry. I would be spending so much time and effort trying to make myself stop being annoyed that I would become annoyed at how much effort I was having to spend...

Now I generally let myself feel pissed off for a bit. Sometimes I ask a good friend or my partner to let me vent at them for a little. I've found that if I allow myself to be angry and get it out of my system then I usually can move on more quickly than if I try to push it away or ignore my frustrations.

This is probably something that will vary a lot from person to person.

I completely identify with that. And venting makes a big difference, (and maybe this is a part of that process) but I'm the kind of person who likes to take action to make things better... and this is the kind of situation where there's no action to be taken. There's literally nothing I can do to restore the balance and that's what, I think, I'm having trouble letting go of.

It's because I know what kind of worker I am, and what I can do... And I know that they, due to their own bizarre practices, don't know it, and that digs at me.

I guess the solution is to learn not to give a damn what they know.

I come for the stories of woe, I stay for the cultural references.

Have you heard Swingline have started making red staplers again after a gap of years, apparently only because of pressure from Office Space fans.

Mine is very lame. It came in the Office Space kit which has a bunch of little trinkets from the movie, including a red stapler.

Problem is, the box says it's a Red Swingline Stapler but the reality is it looks like something I'd expect to find in a 2nd Grader's pencil box.

Problem is, the box says it's a Red Swingline Stapler but the reality is it looks like something I'd expect to find in a 2nd Grader's pencil box.
That's a shame.

Though the real thing (http://www.acco.com/productdetail.aspx?s=0&pid=S7074740#) is mighty expensive.

That's a shame.

Though the real thing (http://www.acco.com/productdetail.aspx?s=0&pid=S7074740#) is mighty expensive.

just thought i'd save you before a mod corrects you, they told me off for posting things like that.
apparently it's "pic spam", as for the advice thing, i don't think i'm qualified to give advice.

The ultimate revenge would be to become incredibly rich, buy the company then fire everyone and liquidise it.

I dream about doing that to a company I once worked for. It makes me smile. :p

just thought i'd save you before a mod attacks you, they told me off for posting things like that.
apparently it's "pic spam", as for the advice thing, i don't think i'm qualified to give advice.

That's hardly pic spam. I'd leave remarks about past mod decisions outside as well.

... But when I feel I've been dealt with unfairly it's hard for me to move on, knowing I was beaten by a jackass.

Suggestions?

Unless you intend legal action, theres really not much point in dwelling on it. (Thats not saying you weren't fucked over, because it seems to me that you were.) You said what your limitations were, so really they should have addressed them, or not had the expectations of you that they did.

So it's a story with a happy ending except one thing... Resentment. I'm still angry about the other place, and am having a really hard time letting it go. I know I need to, and that nothing is to be gained by holding onto it, and that there's nothing I can do to make any of that better... But when I feel I've been dealt with unfairly it's hard for me to move on, knowing I was beaten by a jackass.

Suggestions?

I suggest you do anything you can to forget about that first place. catagorize it as 'experience' and do whatever it takes to make your focus on your new job.

Enjoy your new job, don't dwell over comparing it with the old job, realise you were a better worker than the old management could handle and they treated you badly but that you have come off better for the experience.

If you want to be more active, you can anti-recommend (I can't think of the right word) that old company to people, or discuss the problems it had with your new colleagues to prevent them making the same mistakes (though it sounds like they've got it sorted anyway).

The ultimate revenge would be to become incredibly rich, buy the company then fire everyone and liquidise it.

I dream about doing that to a company I once worked for. It makes me smile. :p

Man, that's a beautiful thought...

Man, that's a beautiful thought...

Slight tangent, but relevent.

My favorite answer to the heinous question "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

-"In this office, firing you for incompetence."

De-stress, forget, blow stuff up (metaphorically speaking, please, no GTA style action outside of the video game) if you have to. But it's got to go behind you.

As the others mentioned, let it go and move on.

You are going to find there are far more stupid managers then smart ones.

My current director has this crazy idea of teaching everybody the same thing so that if one leaves or is out for a long period of time, the group doesn't take a bad hit.

You found a better place so focus on that rather then stupidity of the other place. You saw how not to do something. Remember that when you are in charge of others someday.

It's because I know what kind of worker I am, and what I can do... And I know that they, due to their own bizarre practices, don't know it, and that digs at me.

I guess the solution is to learn not to give a damn what they know.
Ugh, I can completely empathize, I would feel exactly the same.

So yeah, let us know when you've managed to not give a damn and tell us how you did it.

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Slight tangent, but relevent.

My favorite answer to the heinous question "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

-"In this office, firing you for incompetence."


Gawd that would have been made of pure, 100% awesome. I was asked that question at that job. My answer was: "MCSE Certified and a team lead." At my new job there's every likelihood that will happen. I should write to my old boss and tell him I was exactly where I said I'd be only making money for someone else.

As the others mentioned, let it go and move on.

You are going to find there are far more stupid managers then smart ones.


A friend of mine once pointed out the reason for this phenomenon: The way our hierarchal power structure works at a given company or military, etc means that any person in management, unless they're on their way up, is at exactly one level of management higher than that which they're qualified for.

The reason is that we reward good job performance with promotions. Well, just because someone is good at their job at level 5 doesn't in any way guarantee their ability to handle level 6. If they are, they'll soon be at a higher level but for the vast majority of cases, people are in management positions that they only got because they were good at an easier job.

Ugh, I can completely empathize, I would feel exactly the same.

So yeah, let us know when you've managed to not give a damn and tell us how you did it.

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Roger that. :p