NationStates Jolt Archive

No I haven't myself. Those words are not to be tossed about just to make someone feel better. I think someone would be making a serious mistake if they thought it would make someone feel better if they said it.

Fuck yeah. But not to make anyone feel better, and never to anyone awesome.

Have you ever said "I love you" and not meant either just to try to sleep with the person or because they told you they loved you and you didn't want them to feel bad?

I said it to my current gf the first time we dated. Then she noticed I didn't like saying it, and so when we broke up, she said that she didn't really love me and I was like "Well, I am glad. I just told you I did because I really liked you and didn't want things to be awkward."

The thing is, she was just lying to protect herself. When I tried going out with her again she was all like "No you're a liar!"

But it worked out.

Also, I said it to the girlfriend before her because I really liked her and didn't want her to be uncomfortable. In both cases I ended up being able to say it for real eventually.

Never been in a position where I might have those sorts of feelings. However, I think we've all had relatives who it was necessary to 'love,' regardless our actual feelings about them. At least, most of us have, I'm guessing. :p

No, I haven't. And I trust myself that I never shall.

I can think of nothing more... disappointing to do than tell someone you love him/her when you don't really mean it. Everyone says a little white lie every once in a while, but this is pretty much the worse lie one can utter, in my opinion.

No, I haven't. And I trust myself that I never shall.

I can think of nothing more... disappointing to do than tell someone you love him/her when you don't really mean it. Everyone says a little white lie every once in a while, but this is pretty much the worse lie one can utter, in my opinion.

I'm sure you can think of *something* a bit worse than lying about your feelings toward someone. :p Besides, in my experience few emotions are so simple that you either feel or don't feel them - there's a broad continuum along which your feelings move forward and backward, and it would be rare that your affection for someone would be total or nonexistent.

No. And I've not said it a few times where it might have been good politics to do so. It's a degree of dishonesty I can't muster - not just to another person, but to myself. I'm not going to pretend to feel it, and I'm not going to say I feel it knowing I don't.

Up side? If I tell someone that I love them, it's not a maybe thing, it's for sure.

I haven't said that phrase without meaning it (except when using it sarcastically/jokingly) since I came out on the other side of adolescence in about 1992 (at age 22...).

I've been recently reconnected with my mother's side of the family because a cousin on that side serves in the Navy at the home port in my home town. Uncle/aunt came to visit, uncle remembered changing my diapers as a baby and other cute infant things about me...needless to say, I don't remember much from that era. He tells me he loves me, and I could not summon up the intestinal fortitude to white lie it back to him. I feel like shit, but I didn't lie. Cold comfort, I think.

No. And I've not said it a few times where it might have been good politics to do so. It's a degree of dishonesty I can't muster - not just to another person, but to myself. I'm not going to pretend to feel it, and I'm not going to say I feel it knowing I don't.

Up side? If I tell someone that I love them, it's not a maybe thing, it's for sure.

^^^
What he said, exactly.

Not than I can think of, no.

^^^
What he said, exactly.

You both know your own minds so well, with such a degree of certainty? That'd be nice, I guess. :p

I'm sure you can think of *something* a bit worse than lying about your feelings toward someone. :p Besides, in my experience few emotions are so simple that you either feel or don't feel them - there's a broad continuum along which your feelings move forward and backward, and it would be rare that your affection for someone would be total or nonexistent.

Save a lie that ends up in someone being killed of crippled, I really can't say I see anything worse.

I mean, it's a breech of trust, and an abominable thing to do if the other person really has genuine feelings for you. I know there's hardly a thing that could make me feel more betrayed than this.

And I speak of experience; my ex boyfriend once admitted to me at the end of our relationship, he kept saying it without meaning it because he wasn't man enough to admit he didn't have feelings for me anymore.

I'd much rather have someone hurt my feelings by being honest and true to me, than have someone hurt them more by being dishonest and hypocritical.

You both know your own minds so well, with such a degree of certainty? That'd be nice, I guess. :p

Well, on this particular issue I know how I feel, yes. That's certainly not the case for everything, I assure you.

No. And I think that doing so is despicable.

I will point out that I think someone can say it and mean it, without it being true. People convince themselves of it sometimes, and later realize that it wasn't true. I don't think I've done that, but I do know that at least one person who told me that was either lying or deluding himself. I honestly think it was the latter.

Yes, often, usually to get laid *nods*

Yes, often, usually to get laid *nods*

Finally, a little honesty. :p

No I haven't myself. Those words are not to be tossed about just to make someone feel better. I think someone would be making a serious mistake if they thought it would make someone feel better if they said it.

Yeah. There's only one person to whom I said and meant it, but things didn't work out so well. And somehow, I still love her.

Yes, as I begin to construct my new world I need to make my thralls think that I truly love them, but I do not as all I want is power. *Nods*:p

Finally, a little honesty. :p

Ah, so am I to assume that you believe anyone who doesn't say what NA said is lying?

No. And I think that doing so is despicable.

I will point out that I think someone can say it and mean it, without it being true. People convince themselves of it sometimes, and later realize that it wasn't true. I don't think I've done that, but I do know that at least one person who told me that was either lying or deluding himself. I honestly think it was the latter.Yeah, I think I've done that. I meant it at the time, but felt like a total loser later on after realizing how terrible a match we actually were.

Ah, so am I to assume that you believe anyone who doesn't say what NA said is lying?

Yes! Liars, all of you! :p

Nah, not really. I just see this (the second paragraph):

No. And I think that doing so is despicable.

I will point out that I think someone can say it and mean it, without it being true. People convince themselves of it sometimes, and later realize that it wasn't true. I don't think I've done that, but I do know that at least one person who told me that was either lying or deluding himself. I honestly think it was the latter.

as being the case more often than many people want to think. ;)

Really, mental states are, in my experience, pretty transitory and unreliable. I'm an optimist as a rule, but I don't have any illusions about that. :p

No, I can't remember saying it to anyone tbh, maybe while I was drunk or something but then it probably wasn't true.

Have you ever said "I love you" and not meant either just to try to sleep with the person or because they told you they loved you and you didn't want them to feel bad?

No.

Have you ever said "I love you" and not meant either just to try to sleep with the person or because they told you they loved you and you didn't want them to feel bad?No. Since my love comes with lifelong loyalty attached to it, I take good care of who to love and tell it to.

No. In a romantic sense, I've only ever said it to one person... and it sure as hell was true.

In a friendship sense, I say it a lot more often, but I mean it when I do. I only ever say it to close friends.

I don't think so. I actually told my new uni friends I wouldn't say it to them or anyone I hadn't known a decent length of time, maybe they were pleasantly surprised when I did say it. Then again, I reserve it only for very close friends.

I've one friend who likes to say it, I guess partly to be replied to and be uplifted, though when they do it several times in a day it can get tiresome, not in that you don't feel it, just that you don't think it's necessary to reaffirm it all the time.

(Note, I use 'love' in a sense of strong affection for someone, independently of physical attraction. I know some who disagree with the definition so would never say it to a friend)

Yes, as an exaggeration.

Yes, I have as well. I did with my ex-boyfriend. However, it didn't happen for any other reason other than I just honestly didn't know if it was love I felt toward him. He had expressed himself toward me several times before I came around. I only said it because I was confused about my feelings. It was my first steady, serious relationship. I later figured I didn't love him when I was happy about the break-up.

The second guy I ever had as a boyfriend is now my husband because I learned from experience and what love really is. Of course, I can't say because it's different for everyone.

Yeah, I've said it. I'm not proud of it, but there you go.

No.

No.

Oh dear.

Have you ever said "I love you" and not meant either just to try to sleep with the person or because they told you they loved you and you didn't want them to feel bad?

You're having a rather active social life lately, aren't you? :p

I haven't. I have had guys I was dating say it really early and I didn't say it back and they got all hurt and crap and I tried to explain that I didn't want to lie to them, and that I liked them, but I wasn't sure yet.....they never understood.

You would think knowing your girlfriend didn't want to lie to you would count for something. :(

Oh, well, it counts for something with hubby. I can totally tell him "right now, you are being an ass and I'm angry with you" and he's fine with it, because he knows it's the truth, and later when he says "are you mad at me?" and I say "no" he knows that's also the truth.....much easier for him.

Oh dear.
Hm?

I've said it to random telemarketers, just because I'm used to ending phone calls that way.

I've said it to random telemarketers, just because I'm used to ending phone calls that way.
Seriously?

Awesome. :p

I don't think I've done that, but I do know that at least one person who told me that was either lying or deluding himself. I honestly think it was the latter.

Rachel?

Have you ever said "I love you" and not meant either just to try to sleep with the person or because they told you they loved you and you didn't want them to feel bad?

Hell no. Crap like that leads to heartache and drama I can do without, thanks.

Have you ever said "I love you" and not meant either just to try to sleep with the person or because they told you they loved you and you didn't want them to feel bad?

no

I haven't said that phrase without meaning it (except when using it sarcastically/jokingly) since I came out on the other side of adolescence in about 1992 (at age 22...).

woohoo, we're the same age :p

Yes! Liars, all of you! :p

Nah, not really. I just see this (the second paragraph):

as being the case more often than many people want to think. ;)

Really, mental states are, in my experience, pretty transitory and unreliable. I'm an optimist as a rule, but I don't have any illusions about that. :p

Good point. I'll counter with my belief that there are different levels and types of love. I loved my ex-fiancee, depiste the glaring differences (I was a teacher, she was a Texan ;)), but we were never meant to be marriage material. We were meant to be mutual salves for our bruised hearts, egos and sex drives after our respective three-year relationships ended. Had we both realized that consciously instead of subconsciously, and been honest with each other about those misgivings, I'd never have proposed, she'd never have accepted, and we'd both have saved a lot of time and money having ridiculously good sex instead of pretending to be engaged.

woohoo, we're the same age :p

Carol Cleveland: "My husband, in common with many men his age, is fifty."

Yes, everytime someone hands me a free slice of pizza that i wasnt expecting.

Carol Cleveland: "My husband, in common with many men his age, is fifty."

LOL

I love everyone in this thread.



Soooooooooooo much.

I can't recall ever saying it and not meaning it, but the depth of my understanding of the definition of the phrase has changed so much from when I was a young kid that I have said the phrase meaning a few different things.

I love everyone in this thread.



Soooooooooooo much.

Somehow I get the feeling you don't really mean it.

:(

Somehow I get the feeling you don't really mean it.

:(

WYTYG?

I love you.

no, and when I was young and naive enough to think everybody else was honest too, I got hurt a lot by persons who said it just to get sex.

Somehow I get the feeling you don't really mean it.

:(

Well, maybe not everyone.

*eyes Ruffy*

Well, maybe not everyone.

*eyes Ruffy*

I have alcohol you want. Don't you dare hate me!

Have you ever said "I love you" and not meant either just to try to sleep with the person or because they told you they loved you and you didn't want them to feel bad?

Nope. Never had a girlfriend to say it to.

I love you.

Yes. The girl needed reassuring and I needed an alibi. Oh, who am I kidding? I used her to fit in as a straight teen and get laid with a girl. Meh.

All the time: to my dad. He's an asshole, among other things. 8 more months...8 more months...

8 months 'till you can move out?

idk if i'm doin' it now. I do love my gf, but on new years eve i got drunk and made out with one of my friends who's a girl, and im startin' to sorta feel for her like i used to now that i know theres a hope for us. I'm still not sure if i dont mean it, cause i do mean it, but im just not sure if i feel the way my intentions go.

if that was intelligible to anyone.

Yes. I was young and drunk and this guy who adored me kept saying it, and I didn't know what to do, so I said it back. It felt awful and I haven't done it again.

yeh, a girl started reeling off a lit of all the things she loved about me after we'd pulled. i tried to reciprocate but i was so drunk my mind was mush and i just said "i love... you". that little love affair didn't last long. shame cuz she got waaayyyy hotter not long after by loosing a lot of weight.

"Sort of" is a harmless thing to say...sort of. Sometimes it doesn't mean anything, sometimes it mean everything. Like after "I love you" or "you're going to live" or "it's a boy."