NationStates Jolt Archive

Helicopter parents seem to be defined as Super-Soccer Moms and Dads. From my linked article (http://www.guardian.co.uk/graduate/story/0,,2234187,00.html), the term describes parents that have a "...tendency to 'hover' over their offspring, booking their appointments, chaperoning them to events, and swooping down like a personal Swat team whenever the need arises."

This trend doesn't seem to have infected the college career fairs at which I've represented my company. I do see a few examples of that in the stories my wife tells me about some of her eighth graders. I had just made light of the examples because I figured the families would work this out as the child is promoted to high school and then graduated to college.

Apparently not...

Now, I wonder when the first parent will show up at a job interview? I suppose that candidate would have the distinction of being the first one rejected for excessive parental involvement.

Okay, this just doesn't seem right. It's fine for a child to discuss future employment with a parent -- the first step toward adulthood is taking advantage of your parents experience, rather than trying to subvert it.

My question and the topic for discussion -- Is it reasonable for a parent to attend job fairs, interviews, orientations either with or in lieu of their child so that their child can get the best employment situation possible?

Is it reasonable for a parent to attend job fairs, interviews, orientations either with or in lieu of their child so that their child can get the best employment situation possible?
I wouldn't see it as reasonable to have them attending interviews or anything further than that, since interviews should only be relevant to an individual candidate. In the past I've had parents accompanying their children at disciplinary hearings where their child was the defendant (usually because they had union-based experience of disciplinary procedures) and they just got in the way, as well as making everything even more uncomfortable for all concerned.

It's certainly reasonable for them to attend job fairs, since in those situations they might have valuable, pertinent experience that would help their child. I can't see any reason why they shouldn't be able to attend such events, whether their children are there or not.

I'm glad my parents weren't like this, or I'd have snapped years ago. It must be suffocating for the kid if the parents are always hovering around.

I wouldn't see it as reasonable to have them attending interviews or anything further than that, since interviews should only be relevant to an individual candidate. In the past I've had parents accompanying their children at disciplinary hearings where their child was the defendant (usually because they had union-based experience of disciplinary procedures) and they just got in the way, as well as making everything even more uncomfortable for all concerned.

It's certainly reasonable for them to attend job fairs, since in those situations they might have valuable, pertinent experience that would help their child. I can't see any reason why they shouldn't be able to attend such events, whether their children are there or not.
Okay, I have a booth at a college career fair. My main purpose is to provide the corporate office with good potential employees in the form of annotated resumes. I need to talk to the candidate about their expectations, desires, coursework, and experience. I don't need to talk to parents about vacation and other benefits.

In other words, parents would seem to be in the way, forming a barrier between me and a potential employee. Even though I've never been faced with the situation, I do believe I would look at a candidate much less favorably if he or she brings mom and dad to the fair.

I agree with Longhaul. Attending the interview is too much -- ridiculous even. Talk about not letting your kid grow up!

Attending job fairs, on the other hand, is reasonable. It gives the child a more experienced partner at their side to help judge the pitches being made by the various job/career representatives, as well as giving the parent a good picture of their child's interests.

Two words... Phone Home.

I agree with Longhaul. Attending the interview is too much -- ridiculous even. Talk about not letting your kid grow up! Maybe they'd like to be present the first time their kid has sex, too, or even have the sex in lieu of the kid.

Attending job fairs, on the other hand, is reasonable. It gives the child a more experienced partner at their side to help judge the pitches being made by the various job/career representatives, as well as giving the parent a good picture of their child's interests.

I have a booth at a college career fair. My main purpose is to provide the corporate office with good potential employees in the form of annotated resumes. I need to talk to the candidate about their expectations, desires, coursework, and experience
Then you're interviewing them, and my interview-based objections apply.

I don't need to talk to parents about vacation and other benefits.

In other words, parents would seem to be in the way, forming a barrier between me and a potential employee. Even though I've never been faced with the situation, I do believe I would look at a candidate much less favorably if he or she brings mom and dad to the fair
It might conflict with your own very individual sense of what's appropriate when canvassing for prospective future employees, but it seems perfectly reasonable to me for a parent to be in a position to ask questions relevant to their child's future well-being at a job fair. You may not feel that little things like vacation time and benefits are relevant, but other people do.

I don't need to talk to parents about vacation and other benefits.

In other words, parents would seem to be in the way, forming a barrier between me and a potential employee.But it's in the best interest of your potential employee - and thus yours too - that s/he learns about those things. If the parents were an obstacle to that, you'd have a point. As you're laying it out though, what you have is more of an anti-point.Even though I've never been faced with the situation, I do believe I would look at a candidate much less favorably if he or she brings mom and dad to the fair.On the other hand, I quite agree with this. The presence of parents indicates lack of independence, insecurity or a messed up family situation. Worse still, it is beyond fucking obvious that doing it sends that kind of signals, which means that if the kid goes ahead & brings parents anyway (or the parents invite themselves), the situation - whatever it is - is likely bad enough to affect the employer.

EDIT: Man, I completely forgot what I actually wanted to ask; am I the only one who got a massive paedo-vibe from the thread title?

For once Myrm I think we are on the same side.

Helicopter parents are a growing bane. My wife was a sorority gal. A house founder in fact so she attends the girls meetings from time to time. Helicopter parents are becoming a problem. A girl doesn't get a bid and the parents are harassing the sorority demanding reasons. The only time a sorority has to explain itself is when the daughter of a past member was not offered a bid.

I know teachers who are seeing the is problem. A professor in fact told me he had a case where a kid told him his dad wasn't happy with the exam grade and handed him a cell phone. Without missing a beat, he took the phone and said he needs to study more and hung up the phone.

They are appearing a job interviews now. We haven't seen one but I have read stories.

I don't see a problem with the parent preparing them, coaching them, and driving them there. However, it ends with the interview. They will not be in the same room and legally I don't have to respond to them after the interview.

If they make too much of a stink then I would not consider the applicant. The workers I need have to be self reliant at times. The fact a helicopter parent is around suggests they are not.

Now a job fair? Well? I really don't have a stance as I view them as a waste. Out here they seem to be more about advertising as in "look we are hiring so we are doing good!" rather then looking for people.

I suppose I would not have an issue with them listening in and possibly tossing a question or two but I would toss the resume if I noticed the parent dominated the talk.....

Is it reasonable for a parent to attend job fairs, interviews, orientations either with or in lieu of their child so that their child can get the best employment situation possible?

no, that is pathetic. by the time a kid is old enough to be doing that sort of thing they should be de facto independant as far as i'm concerned. if they aren't then they aren't worth employing.

If they make too much of a stink then I would not consider the applicant. The workers I need have to be self reliant at times. The fact a helicopter parent is around suggests they are not.


Right there with you. I've been in the position to hire (or not) new applicants and if I had an applicant come in with mom and/or dad I that would look very, very bad for them. Like you said, self-sufficiency is expected of an employee and someone who still has to hold mommy or daddy's hand to come to an interview hasn't go it.

Not to mention the nightmare of having an employee with helicopter parents. You'll be hearing from them whenever you have to discipline your employee, whenever they think he or she should get a raise (or a bigger one), and heaven forbid you ever have to fire them...

For once Myrm I think we are on the same side.

Strangely, I'm also on the same page.

I have a low threshold tolerance for my parents' nagging at 24 years old and living on my own. I'd disown my parents if they went helicopter on me.

Helicopter parents are a growing bane. My wife was a sorority gal. A house founder in fact so she attends the girls meetings from time to time. Helicopter parents are becoming a problem. A girl doesn't get a bid and the parents are harassing the sorority demanding reasons. The only time a sorority has to explain itself is when the daughter of a past member was not offered a bid.

Ugh, how terribly suffocating.

People need to learn that they won't always be accepted. These are exclusive clubs and life is often an exclusive club filled with intolerant conformist snobs. The parents will just make it worse by trying to force the child to be accepted into this kind of place.

I know teachers who are seeing the is problem. A professor in fact told me he had a case where a kid told him his dad wasn't happy with the exam grade and handed him a cell phone. Without missing a beat, he took the phone and said he needs to study more and hung up the phone.

Good for the professor. No need to tolerate such shit. Lower level schools should adopt this policy as well and grade students without kiddie gloves on, and just bright red pens for errors.

I don't see a problem with the parent preparing them, coaching them, and driving them there. However, it ends with the interview. They will not be in the same room and legally I don't have to respond to them after the interview.

Life experience is a good thing when used responsibly to help the kid achieve something.

If they make too much of a stink then I would not consider the applicant. The workers I need have to be self reliant at times. The fact a helicopter parent is around suggests they are not.

Or it could suggest that the parent just doesn't trust the kid to succeed.

I suppose I would not have an issue with them listening in and possibly tossing a question or two but I would toss the resume if I noticed the parent dominated the talk.....

The kid will eventually feel the parent is stifling them. FOr some of us it comes sooner than later. It brings out the worst in us who don't like being over-parented. I remember kicking my dad out of a meeting because I couldn't ask my doctor something with him hovering. My dad got the point and fast.

I think kids with hovering parents need to learn to assert themselves. The parents aren't able to view the children as adults.

Two words... Phone Home.
By your rude and uninformative response I assume you mean that, after listening to company representatives pitch their businesses to a teenager, said teenager can take a minute to call their parents to ask if they think a given rep's pitch sounds reasonable or is a load of bull. Sounds inefficient to me. Better to have the BS-detector standing right next to the kid.

See, I'm thinking of job fairs or career fairs, in which employers or industry representatives go to high schools or colleges to scout for potential employees out of the general population. The kids who attend such fairs have not applied for jobs in those areas, but are looking for a field and/or company to which to apply.

So, at the same time that the reps are pre-screening kids for likely candidates, they are also selling the idea their companies/industries to any likely candidates to encourage them to apply. You know, talking up the advancement opportunities, fringe benefits, and other perks that may or may not exist in reality.

So yeah, I do think it would be wise for a kid touring such a fair to realize he is talking to people trying to influence his decisions and that he might benefit from having some advice from a more experienced person. If he can't afford to hire a career consultant to follow him around, maybe his parents would do almost as well. In any event, until the kid submits an actual application to your company, it's neither his nor his parents' job to facilitate your job.

Having said that, I think parents accompanying their kids to job fairs should take one of two stances. Either they should hang back, let the kid do all the talking, and in general act like the kid's assistants, leaving the company rep to wonder who exactly they are, or they should do all the talking, also not explaining their relationship to the kid, and taking all the rep's information and literature while promising nothing and expressing neither approval nor disapproval of the rep's presentation. Either way, they should avoid talking directly to their child within sight or earshot of the rep.

See, I'm of the opinion that it is never too early for a parent to teach their child how to behave towards corporate wonks. The job fair is your turn to impress them, not their turn to impress you.

Now, if, later on, the kid submits an application and is invited to interview and shows up at the interview with his/her parents, well then, that will not impress you favorably, will it? So, there you go. Bring the parents to the fair, if desired, but leave them home for the application/interview process.

EDIT: I should point out that I would never apply for a job at a fair, nor would I advise a child of mine to do so. I only apply for real jobs from companies that are really hiring, so possibly I don't know what kind of nonsensical hijinks go on at these "fairs."

my husband was hiring for his department last year and seriously this guy's mom called to follow up on the interview......he couldn't get her to shut up, he was on the phone with her for 30 minutes, she kept asking about the "benefits" and the "salary package" and he kept trying gently to explain he couldn't divulge that information to her, but that she should talk to her son about it, and she retorted "I am trying to take care of him!"

:rolleyes:

He didn't get the job.

I'm glad my parents weren't like this, or I'd have snapped years ago. It must be suffocating for the kid if the parents are always hovering around.

My parents made me live with them until I graduated high school. Beyond that, they didn't care...as long as I graduated. I'm going to emulate that style of parenting :D

my husband was hiring for his department last year and seriously this guy's mom called to follow up on the interview......he couldn't get her to shut up, he was on the phone with her for 30 minutes, she kept asking about the "benefits" and the "salary package" and he kept trying gently to explain he couldn't divulge that information to her, but that she should talk to her son about it, and she retorted "I am trying to take care of him!"

:rolleyes:

He didn't get the job.
Oh my! I wonder if I would have had the presence of mind to act like the teacher in an earlier anecdote... Just tell her that the most help she could give her son would be to let him fight his own battles.

On the other hand, your husband must be a really nice guy. I don' think I've ever talked to anyone (phone conferences, aside) for half an hour on the phone.

[edit]

See, I'm of the opinion that it is never too early for a parent to teach their child how to behave towards corporate wonks. The job fair is your turn to impress them, not their turn to impress you.

Now, if, later on, the kid submits an application and is invited to interview and shows up at the interview with his/her parents, well then, that will not impress you favorably, will it? So, there you go. Bring the parents to the fair, if desired, but leave them home for the application/interview process.

EDIT: I should point out that I would never apply for a job at a fair, nor would I advise a child of mine to do so. I only apply for real jobs from companies that are really hiring, so possibly I don't know what kind of nonsensical hijinks go on at these "fairs."

My experience, as an employer, is that college job fairs are replacing the on-campus interviewing that was common when I graduated. It is a lot more efficient to have a couple engineers/managers talking to any junior or senior that wants to spend time with them. The benefits are multiple -- We get a stack of resumes to reduce to candidates for internships, temporary summer work, or possible full-time employment.

A college job fair is a very informal way of finding out about each other. It's far less stressful than the old way of doing things. Adding an agent only complicates the matter -- to the detriment of all involved.

my husband was hiring for his department last year and seriously this guy's mom called to follow up on the interview......he couldn't get her to shut up, he was on the phone with her for 30 minutes, she kept asking about the "benefits" and the "salary package" and he kept trying gently to explain he couldn't divulge that information to her, but that she should talk to her son about it, and she retorted "I am trying to take care of him!"

:rolleyes:

He didn't get the job.

I feel badly for the kid. If his mom had stayed out of it, the kid might've had the job.

Honestly, why didn't the kid get it? Assuming he was qualified and all...

My parents made me live with them until I graduated high school. Beyond that, they didn't care...as long as I graduated. I'm going to emulate that style of parenting :D

My parents didn't hover either. They stopped doing parent-teacher interviews once I was 18 years old. Pretty much fell back and assume the position of hawk-nagger supreme. :) They didn't follow me everywhere but I got till the cows came home.

My experience, as an employer, is that college job fairs are replacing the on-campus interviewing that was common when I graduated. It is a lot more efficient to have a couple engineers/managers talking to any junior or senior that wants to spend time with them. The benefits are multiple -- We get a stack of resumes to reduce to candidates for internships, temporary summer work, or possible full-time employment.

A college job fair is a very informal way of finding out about each other. It's far less stressful than the old way of doing things. Adding an agent only complicates the matter -- to the detriment of all involved.
I see, but I disapprove. I do not believe in relaxed interview atmospheres. Such atmospheres are always false, and serve only to hide both an employer's and an applicant's faults. I also disapprove strongly of employers who cop a relaxed and informal attitude when they are in fact noting every single detail of behavior, speech, mannerisms, and dress on which to judge an applicant. Any student who enters such a fair and allows themselves to relax and feel as if the event is an informal meet-&-greet is putting him/herself at a disadvantage. Any student who enters it and cops the same falsely relaxed attitude as the company reps, while privately maintaining the same shark-like mindset as the reps, is being a liar, just like the reps. I do not like to start my working relationships from a position of mutual dishonesty.

And for companies that are not so predatory, who send department reps to chat up people for those departments, rather than HR people -- well, they are also being dishonest. Those reps may make recommendations, but they do not make hiring decisions. The prospective job applicant wastes his time on such errand boys/girls. They still have to be vetted by HR and then by at least two tiers of executives or management.

Let college students research the fields and companies they are interested in. Then let them submit properly prepared resume packages to the ones they want to work for. They will be vetted by HR and then by the hiring executives, and leave these play-acting middlemen out of the picture. If attending fairs, the only answer to requests for resumes should be, "Thanks for your interest in me. I'll get back to you on that."

Now, tell me, as a company rep, how much would you hate to see a parent like me hanging around a kid at a job fair? Less helicopter than bouncer. ;)

I feel badly for the kid. If his mom had stayed out of it, the kid might've had the job.

Honestly, why didn't the kid get it? Assuming he was qualified and all...
Well, obviously, he didn't get the job because the interviewer felt like he didn't know who he would be dealing with -- the applicant or his mother.

When one is serious about applying for a job, one has to represent oneself. That cannot be outsourced.

My parents didn't hover either. They stopped doing parent-teacher interviews once I was 18 years old. Pretty much fell back and assume the position of hawk-nagger supreme. :) They didn't follow me everywhere but I got till the cows came home.
My mother left me to choose my own path through school, but she always had my back. When I ran into trouble with the power structure, which I often did because I was surrounded by incompetents, the school authorities would turn to her, and she would inform them that she was my mother, not theirs, and if they had a problem with me, they had to deal with me and deal right, because she would not be calling a lawyer to support them. Kind of the opposite of a helicopter parent, telling the authorities not to come running to her for help if they couldn't deal with her child. ;)

As for finding jobs, I never took any job without asking her opinion and advice, but the only time she ever tried to represent me to an employer was once when she asked her employer to hire me for a special project, because she knew I was already trained to do it. One other time I worked for the same company she did, but she had nothing at all to do with my interview process.

I see, but I disapprove. I do not believe in relaxed interview atmospheres. Such atmospheres are always false, and serve only to hide both an employer's and an applicant's faults. I also disapprove strongly of employers who cop a relaxed and informal attitude when they are in fact noting every single detail of behavior, speech, mannerisms, and dress on which to judge an applicant. Any student who enters such a fair and allows themselves to relax and feel as if the event is an informal meet-&-greet is putting him/herself at a disadvantage. Any student who enters it and cops the same falsely relaxed attitude as the company reps, while privately maintaining the same shark-like mindset as the reps, is being a liar, just like the reps. I do not like to start my working relationships from a position of mutual dishonesty.

And for companies that are not so predatory, who send department reps to chat up people for those departments, rather than HR people -- well, they are also being dishonest. Those reps may make recommendations, but they do not make hiring decisions. The prospective job applicant wastes his time on such errand boys/girls. They still have to be vetted by HR and then by at least two tiers of executives or management.

Let college students research the fields and companies they are interested in. Then let them submit properly prepared resume packages to the ones they want to work for. They will be vetted by HR and then by the hiring executives, and leave these play-acting middlemen out of the picture. If attending fairs, the only answer to requests for resumes should be, "Thanks for your interest in me. I'll get back to you on that."

Now, tell me, as a company rep, how much would you hate to see a parent like me hanging around a kid at a job fair? Less helicopter than bouncer. ;)
Since you don't have the faintest idea of what it takes to hire someone, I doubt very much that I'd like you around. Like I said, these kids don't need agents. They want information and they want it in a friendly format.

I don't know where your first paragraph comes from, but that's not what I see when I go recruiting. I see a bunch of talented kids that don't have much experience with the working world. My job is to figure out if they have what it takes to fit in at my company. I find it is much to our advantage to have the potential co-workers and first-line managers do the screening. They know what qualities they want in an employee and usually welcome the chance to do the screening. That's not a good job to leave to an HR generalist.

Well, obviously, he didn't get the job because the interviewer felt like he didn't know who he would be dealing with -- the applicant or his mother.

When one is serious about applying for a job, one has to represent oneself. That cannot be outsourced.

The kid could have done that but the parent munged it up. You know, you leave your dinner alone so you can get a drink and come back to see your dog or cat making use of your plate... :)

My mother left me to choose my own path through school, but she always had my back. When I ran into trouble with the power structure, which I often did because I was surrounded by incompetents, the school authorities would turn to her, and she would inform them that she was my mother, not theirs, and if they had a problem with me, they had to deal with me and deal right, because she would not be calling a lawyer to support them. Kind of the opposite of a helicopter parent, telling the authorities not to come running to her for help if they couldn't deal with her child. ;)

If my school heard that from my parents, I'd have been expelled a long time ago for being an incredibly stubborn as a southbound end of a northbound mule. They'd have never stood for that.

Good for your mother. :)

As for finding jobs, I never took any job without asking her opinion and advice, but the only time she ever tried to represent me to an employer was once when she asked her employer to hire me for a special project, because she knew I was already trained to do it. One other time I worked for the same company she did, but she had nothing at all to do with my interview process.

Same here. My dad only stepped in when his friends needed cheap, minimum wage help. Other than that, neither parent has bothered me with this, though if I lived in the same city as my mother, I'd probably working for her right now... :) Just because of my line of education and the department she is the manager of.

I feel badly for the kid. If his mom had stayed out of it, the kid might've had the job.

Honestly, why didn't the kid get it? Assuming he was qualified and all...

other than his mom calling 20+ times the week after the interview? he didn't show up for the drug test I think.

My husband is a really patient person and explained to the mother a few times that she really needed to find a new hobby and that this wasn't in the best interest of her son....someone with an MBA doesn't need mommy calling his prospective employers to "check things out".

other than his mom calling 20+ times the week after the interview? he didn't show up for the drug test I think.

My husband is a really patient person and explained to the mother a few times that she really needed to find a new hobby and that this wasn't in the best interest of her son....someone with an MBA doesn't need mommy calling his prospective employers to "check things out".

That couldn't have gone over well...