NationStates Jolt Archive

Okay, if I am going to be the Almighty one day, I am going to need a set of Commandments for my flock. The current set is outdated or just plain ignored.

Want to help brainstorm? I'll use this to help finalize my Ten Commandments.

For example:

'Thou shalt seek joy in life for thyself and thy fellow man.'

Should we go for that old grammatical model? I'm not very good at it. Would it look better like this?

'You must seek joy in life, and to spread it around.'

Okay, if I am going to be the Almighty one day, I am going to need a set of Commandments for my flock. The current set is outdated or just plain ignored.

Want to help brainstorm? I'll use this to help finalize my Ten Commandments.

For example:

'Thou shalt seek joy in life for thyself and thy fellow man.'

Should we go for that old grammatical model? I'm not very good at it. Would it look better like this?

'You must seek joy in life, and to spread it around.'

I like the latter, it has a certain rhythm about it.

Should we go for that old grammatical model? I'm not very good at it. Would it look better like this?

'You must seek joy in life, and to spread it around.'

Preferably on toast. :)

No, the old "thee" and "thou" and "Lo! I say unto thee" are always a lot more impressive.

And the LORD thy Goofball spake unto the people in a parable, saying "Lo, and my children did lift up their hands in joy, and their hands were filled with pies of lemon and cream and other assorted yummies, and they did fling the pies upon each other with great abandon. And the resulting mess was pleasing unto your LORD Goofball, and He did strengthen the arms of the pie-throwers that they might fling their pies ever farther and farther to the very corners of the Earth."

Scholars disagree as to the metaphorical significance of the pies.

No, the old "thee" and "thou" and "Lo! I say unto thee" are always a lot more impressive.

Can't we have a mix? I'm terribly partial to "Lo! I say unto thee", but I'm not so sure about the rest, plus people are always bound to horribly fail at it and create the worst kind of pseudo-Bible-slang and... no. Let's have the aforementioned introduction and then regular Standard Goofballian English.

They need to be written in Goofballian. Foreign words add credibility - just look at Latin !

You gotta be yourself, mud and all. :D

You could model them after My ten Commandments.

[0] Thou shalt not be an asshat.

[1] Thou shalt be joyful whenever it is remotely feasible.

[10] Thou shalt make silly computer-related jokes.

(I only ever follow the first two on a daily basis, however.)

Thou shalt honor thy children as they do thee.

or to quote 'The Crow'; "Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children" Yes, I know he was quoting William Makepeace Thackeray
:)

Thou shalt honor thy children as they do thee.

or to quote 'The Crow'; "Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children" Yes, I know he was quoting William Makepeace Thackeray
:)

Do we get to insert the other side of that coin, i.e. "You are to grant your kids the right to give you (only) as much honor as you grant them"?

Remember the Taco Day and keep it holy.

Okay, if I am going to be the Almighty one day, I am going to need a set of Commandments for my flock. The current set is outdated or just plain ignored.

Want to help brainstorm? I'll use this to help finalize my Ten Commandments.

For example:

'Thou shalt seek joy in life for thyself and thy fellow man.'

Should we go for that old grammatical model? I'm not very good at it. Would it look better like this?

'You must seek joy in life, and to spread it around.'

So, you proclaim yourself the "god" of "NSG", do you? You are even trying to make a set of "Commandments" of your own.

Listen, defiant coward! I am the ruler of planet Houston, and I only have one commandment:

KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

(*shoots Lunatic Goofballs with eye lasers*)

Or, if you prefer, "THOU SHALT kneel before Zod!"

So, you proclaim yourself the "god" of "NSG", do you? You are even trying to make a set of "Commandments" of your own.

Listen, defiant coward! I am the ruler of planet Houston, and I only have one commandment:

KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

(*shoots Lunatic Goofballs with eye lasers*)

Or, if you prefer, "THOU SHALT kneel before Zod!"

Is there something in the water supply for the new guys here?

Once LG establishes areligion I foresee the world covered in pies and mud. But then there will be a schism! The Church of Pie and The Church of Mud will battle to determine which is better.

Ohand go for the wholeLo and Thoustuff. Sounds more badass.

1 - Live each day as if it's your last.
2 - No regrets.

Well, these are my rules.

How about they are written in verse and rhyme?

Once LG establishes areligion I foresee the world covered in pies and mud. But then there will be a schism! The Church of Pie and The Church of Mud will battle to determine which is better.


What about the Brotherhood of Tacos?

Thou Shall not waste.

Thou shall be compassionate towards life.

Those two pretty much cover it, i think.

"If a man shall kick his brother in the groin, you shall laugh and be pleased with mirth. This pleases also the Goofball, thy LORD."

"Forgive thy neighbor for thier transgressions, as we forgive LG, our LORD, for being a clown. For clowns are scary, and giveth us the Heebie-Jeebies."

Something with making people out of clay... and returning people into the clay as a holy sacrament?

Okay, if I am going to be the Almighty one day, I am going to need a set of Commandments for my flock. The current set is outdated or just plain ignored.

Want to help brainstorm? I'll use this to help finalize my Ten Commandments.1

Well for starters, who said it has to be TEN. Ten is so two thousand years ago. While, not add a few zeros. Better yet, why not add a fraction. I give you the Twenty-four and one-half [24 ½] Commandments. Having a fraction has it’s benefits.

Again, who says it has to be in Old English or in English at all. While, not have it in l33t 5|*34X [Leet Speak]. Having it in Leet Speak leaves it open to misunderstandings and mistranslations, always a plus. If, were going to have people arguing over the spelling and meaning of a single word two thousands years from now. It’s wise not to make their job any easier in trying to understand what your trying to say so you can be as vague as you want when getting your flock to believe what your saying. Leet Speak allows you to do that, at least in the written word. But, then who’s going to remember what you spoke, a thousand to two thousand or more years from now.

If, your going to be the Almighty one day-you need to start acting like it. Remember, everything you say cannot be wrong as it is holy and hence what you say goes-forever till the end of time or at least till there are no more humans around to worship you. So feel free to be a little nutty with ALL the rules.

Well for starters, who said it has to be TEN. Ten is so two thousand years ago.

Metric System.

I have much experience with being god. Don't ask how.

The first thing you must do is to have a great evil to oppose you. Also, since you can make mistakes, say that there is a greater power, and that you are but the prophet; thus, you can make mistakes, yet still be worshipped.

Blame everything bad on the evil, and say that only through your divine power/the higher power's divine power are all saved from being turned to pillars of salt. However, if people don't worship you and obey your every command, you will leave, and all will die. Use anything bad that happens as an example-

"The War in Iraq happened because of [enemy], and because you didn't do [thing]! Obey me, or the very earth will be covered in magma!"

You have to establish your authority first, before you can start dispensing rules. Once you do start with rules, give them only to one person, and then let them give them out; if they don't work out so well, blame the person for 'corrupting' them, and then order the people to stone that person.

Okay, if I am going to be the Almighty one day, I am going to need a set of Commandments for my flock. The current set is outdated or just plain ignored.

Want to help brainstorm? I'll use this to help finalize my Ten Commandments.

For example:

'Thou shalt seek joy in life for thyself and thy fellow man.'

Should we go for that old grammatical model? I'm not very good at it. Would it look better like this?

'You must seek joy in life, and to spread it around.'

Thou shalt not steal material without appropriate attribution.

"Thou shall actively make war upon thy n00bs across NS without mercy"

We also need to come up with a name for our holy wars, yes? Jihad and Crusade are already taken.

When the vile Ruffy wants attention you shall either point and laugh at him or though shall through a pointy object of your choice at him.

Thou shalt have as much sex as possible with many beautiful women!



You would own with that!

And the LORD thy Goofball spake unto the people in a parable, saying "Lo, and my children did lift up their hands in joy, and their hands were filled with pies of lemon and cream and other assorted yummies, and they did fling the pies upon each other with great abandon. And the resulting mess was pleasing unto your LORD Goofball, and He did strengthen the arms of the pie-throwers that they might fling their pies ever farther and farther to the very corners of the Earth."

Scholars disagree as to the metaphorical significance of the pies.
This makes me think we should start our own wiki goofball bible (like the lolcat one)!

I got a spare server if there is interest :)

Something with making people out of clay... and returning people into the clay as a holy sacrament?

Cream. People are to have cream return to them. Ballisticly.

Thou shalt have as much sex as possible with many beautiful women!



You would own with that!

Have you never seen clown porn? Catholics are mild by comparison.

Have you never seen clown porn? Catholics are mild by comparison.

I don't know about that ... there IS nun porn out there ...

The world and all that exists in it is God, including you. Do not trash God.

The world and all that exists in it is God, including you. Do not trash God.

But Thor likes a good trashing :(

But Thor likes a good trashing :(

He likes to do the trashing, not to be the trashee.

"Blessed are the Cheesemakers, becuase hey, who doesnt like cheese?"

"I am the Lord your Goofball, who brought you out of the forsaken land of NS General...oh wait.

hey LG, where do we sign up to join your flock? :D

I have much experience with being god. Don't ask how.

The first thing you must do is to have a great evil to oppose you. Also, since you can make mistakes, say that there is a greater power, and that you are but the prophet; thus, you can make mistakes, yet still be worshipped.



i want to be Lunatic Goofballs great evil, since he is that of sillines and fun, i will be that of boredom and responsbility, i shall be the....
PARENT

=^^=
.../\...

seek always to be fair to everyone.
yourself included.
neither more nor less then others.

seek always to avoid causing suffering or contributing to the causes of suffering or the motivations for choosing the policies that create the condtitions that cause suffering

never coerce others into a gratuitous conventionality
however dominant, assumed and taken for granted it might otherwise be.
such are the collective suicide to your species
and possibly that of all life on your planet

permit yourself to enjoy the exercise of whatever intellectual and or creative capacity you might happen to have, and encourage others to permit themselves to do so as well.

seek no gain that requires the loss of another.
no matter how indirectly.

avoid seeking the attention of others, you will find no greater happiness in life that can be persuied while being ignored and left to your own devices.

be however generous in the creating and shairing of beauty, for in no other way is the honor and appreciation of others legitimately earned.

in all that you do, seek that the net universal consiquence be one of more gain then loss.

and finally, accept that you are not infallable, nor expect or take for granted that anything else needs to be. but that many things can, and most likely do exist, without your having the faintest inkling of their doing so.

the universe is not out to get you. you don't need to be out to get it. and can only make it worse by choosing to be.

other self awair creatures, of your own, or any other species, be cautious of. remember, they are no more perfect then yourself, and for this reason, can never be entirely predicted.

remember also that they too experience, and like yourself, have their own agendas. and also depend for their own survival on the same 'paranoia' as you do yourself.

there may be gods or a god, and probably are, but remember also, that they have invariably left it up to us to avoid screwing everything up for each other, and so it would seem, more likely then not, to continue doing so.

which means among other things, that we CAN screw everything up for everyone, including ourselves AND everyone else, and it is entirely up to ourselves to always exercise care to avoid doing so.

i didn't count how many of those there are.
nor is there a fixed number as to the ways in which they can be expressed.
they are however, one way of expressing the 'cannon' i believe in living by.

=^^=
.../\...

Have you never seen clown porn? Catholics are mild by comparison.

Did you quote the wrong post?

So, you proclaim yourself the "god" of "NSG", do you? You are even trying to make a set of "Commandments" of your own.

Listen, defiant coward! I am the ruler of planet Houston, and I only have one commandment:

KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

(*shoots Lunatic Goofballs with eye lasers*)

Or, if you prefer, "THOU SHALT kneel before Zod!"

Hah! Everybody knows that Goofballs have kryptonite testicles! :D

Only ten? You disappoint me.

Hah! Everybody knows that Goofballs have kryptonite testicles! :D

Kryptonie appears to be crystalline in form.

Crystals shatter easily to sharp blunt trauma.

"I am the Lord your Goofball, who brought you out of the forsaken land of NS General...oh wait.LG's 10th Commandment.

Everytime Planet LG is aligned with the full moon.. LG shall take out his mask -for a few instants- enter Occean lands (threads).. and Challenge him to serious debate, shocking the entire Universe by being serious -for a few instants-.

:D :D :eek: :D

Kryptonie appears to be crystalline in form.

Crystals shatter easily to sharp blunt trauma.

I have a carbonadium scrotum. :)

He likes to do the trashing, not to be the trashee.

You have obviously not read his and Lokis diary. Ooooh - the whippings...

What about:
1) Thou shalt not kill.
2) Thou shalt not will others to be hurt.
3) Thou shalt learn, first aid and cooking.
4) Thou shalt not overeat, not undereat.
5) Thou shalt keep sanitation at reasonable standard.
6) Thou shalt rest at the end of each day.
7) Thou shalt care for your famliy where possible.
8) Thou shalt give £20 to Mad Hatters in jeans for everyrule broken.
9) Mad hatters in jeans will give all profits to charity of oxfam.
10) Thou shalt show emotion in a safe manner.
11) Thou shalt not like celebrities for they are doomed.
12) Thou shalt oh sorry that's more than 10, never mind it wouldn't have worked out anyway, rules can always be broken.

As a side note - why do they have to be commandments ?
What is wrong the "I rather had you didn'ts" from the nobl.. eehm, drunk FSM ;) ?

The world and all that exists in it is God, including you. Do not trash God.

I wont trash God but what are his feelings on being seperated into different containers and being recycled?

Thou shalt have no other Gods besides me without my express, preferably written, consent.
Thou shalt make idols only out of mud, or, in extreme cases, tacos.
Thou shalt honor thine parents, but not get too hung up about it.
Thou shalt not bear false witness, unless the dress really does make her look fat.
Thou shalt not kill, and by "kill," the Almighty LG actually means "kill," not "illegally kill" or "kill without a pretty good reason," just kill. Think you can handle that?
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife. Whether or not thou covets thy neighbor is completely up to thou.
Thou shalt keep holy the Sabbath day, unless there is a sale, football game, or another event which thou truly believes I would sanctify.
Thou shalt not use air quotes, or I shalt smite thee.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's property. If thou lives in a classless commune, where property doth not exist, thou shalt not covet anything.
Thou shalt not steal, unless it is from the record industry or Wal-Mart.

Thou shalt have no other Gods besides me without my express, preferably written, consent.
Thou shalt make idols only out of mud, or, in extreme cases, tacos.
Thou shalt honor thine parents, but not get too hung up about it.
Thou shalt not bear false witness, unless the dress really doth make her look fat.
Thou shalt not kill, and by "kill," the Almighty LG actually means "kill," not "illegally kill" or "kill without a pretty good reason," just kill. Think you can handle that?
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife. Whether or not thou covetest thy neighbor is completely up to thee.
Thou shalt keep holy the Sabbath day, unless there is a sale, football game, or another event which thou truly believest I would sanctify.
Thou shalt not use air quotes, or I shall smite thee.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's property. If thou livest in a classless commune, where property doth not exist, thou shalt not covet anything.
Thou shalt not steal, unless it is from the record industry or Wal-Mart.


Please do not try to speak like that if you have no clue. There's not many English pet peeves that bug me more. Because, really, you could just stay correct by speaking modern English, couldn't you?

Please do not try to speak like that if you have no clue. There's not many English pet peeves that bug me more. Because, really, you could just stay correct by speaking modern English, couldn't you?

It's one thing to nitpick someone's English, quite another to nitpick their archaic English.
Actually, I can speak like that as much as I want. The King James Bible itself does not follow the grammatical rules, because they were archaic even when it was being written. They are now considered "poetic," I believe, and as such, whether I use "thou" with the genitive or the dative or whatever I'm actually supposed to doesn't matter.

Please do not try to correct me like that if you have no clue.

It's one thing to nitpick someone's English, quite another to nitpick their archaic English.
Actually, I can speak like that as much as I want. The King James Bible itself does not follow the grammatical rules, because they were archaic even when it was being written. They are now considered "poetic," I believe, and as such, whether I use "thou" with the genitive or the dative or whatever I'm actually supposed to doesn't matter.

Please do not try to correct me like that if you have no clue.

Yes, you can do that as much as you want. That's why I'm asking you to stop it.
I'm interested to see examples of the King James Bible that do not follow the rules - why would somebody translate a book to a language he doesn't master?