NationStates Jolt Archive

Ok, my girlfriend is a worrier, and it's starting to wear on me. I thought that at least by now (we've been dating for two months) it would calm down some, but nope, it actually seem to have gotten worse. Whenever my voice sounds different, she ask what's wrong like a hundred times, It could be that maybe I'm tired, or worn out etc. Of course if I do something different (like go see a movie by myself) she ask "with who" and that's kinda insulting because that implies that she thinks I'm with someone else, and of course when we can meet for the weekend due to whatever reason she apologizes like a 100 times and then goes into panic mode because she thinks I'm mad at her when I'm not. I mean I can be a reasonable and understanding guy.

I know that she can't help it, and I have brought up the idea of her going to a therapist to talk about her Anxiety disorder, but of course she won't see one, because she had bad experience with one and she says she'll see one once we are married (if we'll ever get to that point).

That's another thing, she is just fixated on getting married, it just seems like she is just wanting to rushed to get married. Me, I got to get through school first and It's going to take me 2-3 years, and then I got to get a job, and THEN we can see about marriage. I'm trying to get her to see this relationship as a journey, but of course she doesn't it feels like she sees it as a destination to the alter.

I want to just revert to my cynical, no bullshit self, every time she starts to act all worried, I want to tell her what's going on in my mind like "Maybe you worry too much?" or "Stop worrying, please for the love of GOD stop worrying." "Because every time I do something different, you worry?" or go off into one of my rants, but of course I can't do that because I don't want to be mean and I'm TRYING to make this relationship work but if this keeps up, I may go completely bald.

*takes in deep breath*

So, to make this a valid topic and not just a "blog" post, who here has a significant other, and that significant other does something that just drives you insane?

Do something unequivocally nice for her on Tuesday.

Do something unequivocally nice for her on Tuesday.

Take her to a shrink office?

Take her to a shrink office?
For her, not you.

you should go to a bit of couples therapy.

a 3rd party can help you work through this insecurity.

2 months is far too soon to be thinking about getting married. you should be dating for at least a year before you take it into serious consideration

and this rough spot is exactly why you dont rush. maybe you can get past it, maybe you cant. but if you cant work it out (if she is unwilling to go to therapy until after you are married) you will need to move on.

if its not good for you, its not good.

Usually it's my girlfriend that dumps me because I have some little habit that drives her insane.

There was one time where I had just had to get out of the relationship. Once it started getting to train robberies I knew she was crazy.

Ok, my girlfriend is a worrier, and it's starting to wear on me. I thought that at least by now (we've been dating for two months) it would calm down some, but nope, it actually seem to have gotten worse. Whenever my voice sounds different, she ask what's wrong like a hundred times, It could be that maybe I'm tired, or worn out etc. Of course if I do something different (like go see a movie by myself) she ask "with who" and that's kinda insulting because that implies that she thinks I'm with someone else, and of course when we can meet for the weekend due to whatever reason she apologizes like a 100 times and then goes into panic mode because she thinks I'm mad at her when I'm not. I mean I can be a reasonable and understanding guy.

I know that she can't help it, and I have brought up the idea of her going to a therapist to talk about her Anxiety disorder, but of course she won't see one, because she had bad experience with one and she says she'll see one once we are married (if we'll ever get to that point).

That's another thing, she is just fixated on getting married, it just seems like she is just wanting to rushed to get married. Me, I got to get through school first and It's going to take me 2-3 years, and then I got to get a job, and THEN we can see about marriage. I'm trying to get her to see this relationship as a journey, but of course she doesn't it feels like she sees it as a destination to the alter.

I want to just revert to my cynical, no bullshit self, every time she starts to act all worried, I want to tell her what's going on in my mind like "Maybe you worry too much?" or "Stop worrying, please for the love of GOD stop worrying." "Because every time I do something different, you worry?" or go off into one of my rants, but of course I can't do that because I don't want to be mean and I'm TRYING to make this relationship work but if this keeps up, I may go completely bald.

*takes in deep breath*

So, to make this a valid topic and not just a "blog" post, who here has a significant other, and that significant other does something that just drives you insane?

I think there are enough reasons there in that post for you to get rid of her. Seriously, if a girl I was dating started talking about 'when we get married' after we had been together two months, I would be out the door. And considering that you have to restrain from saying what you think because she's way too insecure about herself, I really don't think you're with the right person. Also, you're still in school? If that's school as in university, then you're already in the biggest meat market of your life, and staying with a girl like this really isn't worth it. If 'school' is high school, then... it just becomes funny.

Eh. You don't need to see a shrink to purchase anti-anxiety drugs, if you want to go that route. Although it almost sounds like she's more likely to be diagnosed with a personality disorder (histrionic or paranoid) than with panic or GAD, if I remember some of your other posts right. And the diagnosis itself seems to be a justification for some people, and might actually *increase* their nuttiness if they can blame it on some disorder. :p

The way things are here, I'm more likely to be yelled at for *not* stressing out when certain things happen. I'll get an earful if I pay a bill four or five days before it's due, rather than a few weeks in advance. But that's my family I guess.

I think there are enough reasons there in that post for you to get rid of her. Seriously, if a girl I was dating started talking about 'when we get married' after we had been together two months, I would be out the door. And considering that you have to restrain from saying what you think because she's way too insecure about herself, I really don't think you're with the right person. Also, you're still in school? If that's school as in university, then you're already in the biggest meat market of your life, and staying with a girl like this really isn't worth it. If 'school' is high school, then... it just becomes funny.

It's actually a grad school that I'm in right now.

When I boil pasta, I like to add a little oil so it doesn't stick. I had a girlfriend that was such a diet nazi that this freaked her out.

It got to the point where I'd find ways to surreptitiously add oil and she'd constantly try to catch me.

Weird game, relationship didn't last.

Ok, my girlfriend is a worrier, and it's starting to wear on me. I thought that at least by now (we've been dating for two months) it would calm down some, but nope, it actually seem to have gotten worse. Whenever my voice sounds different, she ask what's wrong like a hundred times, It could be that maybe I'm tired, or worn out etc. Of course if I do something different (like go see a movie by myself) she ask "with who" and that's kinda insulting because that implies that she thinks I'm with someone else, and of course when we can meet for the weekend due to whatever reason she apologizes like a 100 times and then goes into panic mode because she thinks I'm mad at her when I'm not. I mean I can be a reasonable and understanding guy.

I know that she can't help it, and I have brought up the idea of her going to a therapist to talk about her Anxiety disorder, but of course she won't see one, because she had bad experience with one and she says she'll see one once we are married (if we'll ever get to that point).

That's another thing, she is just fixated on getting married, it just seems like she is just wanting to rushed to get married. Me, I got to get through school first and It's going to take me 2-3 years, and then I got to get a job, and THEN we can see about marriage. I'm trying to get her to see this relationship as a journey, but of course she doesn't it feels like she sees it as a destination to the alter.

I want to just revert to my cynical, no bullshit self, every time she starts to act all worried, I want to tell her what's going on in my mind like "Maybe you worry too much?" or "Stop worrying, please for the love of GOD stop worrying." "Because every time I do something different, you worry?" or go off into one of my rants, but of course I can't do that because I don't want to be mean and I'm TRYING to make this relationship work but if this keeps up, I may go completely bald.

*takes in deep breath*

So, to make this a valid topic and not just a "blog" post, who here has a significant other, and that significant other does something that just drives you insane?
This sounds like a bunch of hoopla over nothing much. If she's a worrier, then that's who she is and you can either accept if or break up with her. And if you don't want to get married, then she'll just have to accept that too.

It's actually a grad school that I'm in right now.

Either way, it sounds like she annoys you and stops you from being yourself.

This sounds like a bunch of hoopla over nothing much. If she's a worrier, then that's who she is and you can either accept if or break up with her. And if you don't want to get married, then she'll just have to accept that too.

But, she can improve herself, she can go to a therapist and improve on her worrying, which will probably make the relationship easier and better. I do want to get married, but not right now, only when I get out of school.

she doesn't sound like a worrier so much like over controlling and insecure, if a chick were in a relationship with a guy that acted thusly I would tell her to drop him and run, so being a feminist, drop her and run.

But, she can improve herself, she can go to a therapist and improve on her worrying, which will probably make the relationship easier and better. I do want to get married, but not right now, only when I get out of school.
If she changes, it has to be for herself and not for you, or the change won't be lasting, and the relationship will fail. You have to accept her for who she is or leave. You can't mold a person to suit your desires.

Either way, it sounds like she annoys you and stops you from being yourself.

I also want to add to this that any little ticks someone has now will be 10 times more pronounced when you are married. However I can't believe she is talking marriage after two months. If you were my kid I would tell you to run like hell.

I also want to add to this that any little ticks someone has now will be 10 times more pronounced when you are married. However I can't believe she is talking marriage after two months. If you were my kid I would tell you to run like hell.
My grandpa wanted to marry my grandmother after 3 weeks.

I think there are enough reasons there in that post for you to get rid of her.
she doesn't sound like a worrier so much like over controlling and insecure, if a chick were in a relationship with a guy that acted thusly I would tell her to drop him and run, so being a feminist, drop her and run.

Thirding this advice. I was thinking you had a bad situation on your hands even before the marriage thing, but that was the kicker.

My grandpa wanted to marry my grandmother after 3 weeks.

I guess lucky for you he did however I maintain those were different times.

Um hmmm. Well I wouldn't qualify anyone as a significant other right now, but my lawboy drives me nuts with his absolutely painful shyness and inability to talk dirty. These uptight WASPS. Also, the girl I've been seeing on and off is clingy as all hell right now, and I nearly had to tell her to fuck off for good, as I am in the midst of finals and can not spare the time to be with her.

Hmmm. Maybe I need to be more picky.

Well I talked to her about this tonight, and I expressed that this was wearing on me (nicely) and I offered to help her get help, Hell I even offered to go to Therapy with her to make her feel more comfortable. My mom also offered to help (she really likes my girlfriend) but even though she acts like she wants to quit all of this she refused to get any help and decided that she can deal with this on her own. Also, she won't be telling me about her worrying anymore, so she'll be bottling it up.

and they say communication is the key.

Well I talked to her about this tonight, and I expressed that this was wearing on me (nicely) and I offered to help her get help, Hell I even offered to go to Therapy with her to make her feel more comfortable. My mom also offered to help (she really likes my girlfriend) but even though she acts like she wants to quit all of this she refused to get any help and decided that she can deal with this on her own. Also, she won't be telling me about her worrying anymore, so she'll be bottling it up.

and they say communication is the key.

Pull out now, or she'll screw you and I don't mean in the juicy squishy good away. *nods*

Pull out now, or she'll screw you and I don't mean in the juicy squishy good away. *nods*

Yea, I'm thinking about bailing at this point. It's not worth it if she's not willing to change and just pay me lip service on improving.

Frankly I'm unsure why you expected a lifetime learned behavioral pattern to change in 2 months.

Frankly I'm unsure why you expected a lifetime learned behavioral pattern to change in 2 months.

I don't but it doesn't seem like she wants to change, she just wants to deal with it on her own and keep things bottled up, even after I expressed my concerns and how this was negatively affecting the relationship.

But, she can improve herself, she can go to a therapist and improve on her worrying, which will probably make the relationship easier and better. I do want to get married, but not right now, only when I get out of school.

No, she can change her outward appearance most likely, and if you ask her to do that, you might have to add resentment to the worrying as far as her feelings for you are concerned.

I am not a voice of experience, as long term relationships are not a specialty of mine, and I am also a tireless pessimist and cynic, but it is far more likely that you are going to become more ambivalent and accommodating to the problem than the problem will get resolved.

Just accept that irreconcilable differences exist and put an end to it if you can.

Ok, my girlfriend is a worrier, and it's starting to wear on me. I thought that at least by now (we've been dating for two months) it would calm down some, but nope, it actually seem to have gotten worse. Whenever my voice sounds different, she ask what's wrong like a hundred times, It could be that maybe I'm tired, or worn out etc. Of course if I do something different (like go see a movie by myself) she ask "with who" and that's kinda insulting because that implies that she thinks I'm with someone else, and of course when we can meet for the weekend due to whatever reason she apologizes like a 100 times and then goes into panic mode because she thinks I'm mad at her when I'm not. I mean I can be a reasonable and understanding guy.

I know that she can't help it, and I have brought up the idea of her going to a therapist to talk about her Anxiety disorder, but of course she won't see one, because she had bad experience with one and she says she'll see one once we are married (if we'll ever get to that point).

That's another thing, she is just fixated on getting married, it just seems like she is just wanting to rushed to get married. Me, I got to get through school first and It's going to take me 2-3 years, and then I got to get a job, and THEN we can see about marriage. I'm trying to get her to see this relationship as a journey, but of course she doesn't it feels like she sees it as a destination to the alter.

I want to just revert to my cynical, no bullshit self, every time she starts to act all worried, I want to tell her what's going on in my mind like "Maybe you worry too much?" or "Stop worrying, please for the love of GOD stop worrying." "Because every time I do something different, you worry?" or go off into one of my rants, but of course I can't do that because I don't want to be mean and I'm TRYING to make this relationship work but if this keeps up, I may go completely bald.

*takes in deep breath*

So, to make this a valid topic and not just a "blog" post, who here has a significant other, and that significant other does something that just drives you insane?

The bolded portions are eerily similar to a previous relationship of mine...

The marriage thing after only two months...sounds to me like she considers marriage to be a cure-all for relationship problems.

I'd advise bailing now...it sucks, but it sucks less than a bad breakup 4-6 months from now.

But, she can improve herself, she can go to a therapist and improve on her worrying, which will probably make the relationship easier and better. I do want to get married, but not right now, only when I get out of school.
Eh ... are you a gambling man? What I mean is this:
If you went to a bookie and asked him to take a bet on whether or not your girlfriend would ever seriously see a therapist/shrink ~after~ you get married, which side of the action do you think he would take?
Your girlfriend seems to have serious abandonment issues. Her bad experience with a previous therapist notwithstanding, you have to consider how much you want someone to cling to you, to express their utter fear of losing you, to make ~you~ feel good.

Hey ... I am curious to know if ~you~ would consider doing some exploring with a therapist -- real-life psychological adventuring -- as a way to model to her that it's okay and doesn't need to wait until marriage. (Your uni will probably underwrite or provide the counseling services free while you are still in grad school.)

Cheers

Wilgrove, it's time to end this relationship. Sorry, but the others are right. While she certainly can change, she won't change fast enough or in enough quantity to mean anything for your relationship and in the meantime all it does is make things worse on both of you.

Relax, though. It's not the end of the world. You know that. You've mentioned a variety of girlfriends, after all.

Tell her that if something is wrong, you'll let her know, and that otherwise there's no reason to assume such. And of course, on that you have to keep your word.

I don't but it doesn't seem like she wants to change, she just wants to deal with it on her own and keep things bottled up, even after I expressed my concerns and how this was negatively affecting the relationship.

Have you guys had a big fight yet? If you haven't had one, it may be time to risk one by stating your opinion very directly and clearly.

Most relationships will have a big fight. Some will crumble because of it, others will survive.

I suffer from anxiety, which usually takes form in excessive worrying. It can be hard to deal with. I have been working for more than ten years to manage it.
Wilgrove, your girlfriend's anxiety will only be worth dealing with for you if she's worth it. It's truly a case of love me, love my anxiety. However, in this case, I'm leaning over whispering "other women" in your ear. Two months is way too soon to be talking marriage.

Ok, my girlfriend is a worrier, and it's starting to wear on me. I thought that at least by now (we've been dating for two months) it would calm down some, but nope, it actually seem to have gotten worse. Whenever my voice sounds different, she ask what's wrong like a hundred times, It could be that maybe I'm tired, or worn out etc. Of course if I do something different (like go see a movie by myself) she ask "with who" and that's kinda insulting because that implies that she thinks I'm with someone else, and of course when we can meet for the weekend due to whatever reason she apologizes like a 100 times and then goes into panic mode because she thinks I'm mad at her when I'm not. I mean I can be a reasonable and understanding guy.

I know that she can't help it, and I have brought up the idea of her going to a therapist to talk about her Anxiety disorder, but of course she won't see one, because she had bad experience with one and she says she'll see one once we are married (if we'll ever get to that point).

That's another thing, she is just fixated on getting married, it just seems like she is just wanting to rushed to get married. Me, I got to get through school first and It's going to take me 2-3 years, and then I got to get a job, and THEN we can see about marriage. I'm trying to get her to see this relationship as a journey, but of course she doesn't it feels like she sees it as a destination to the alter.

I want to just revert to my cynical, no bullshit self, every time she starts to act all worried, I want to tell her what's going on in my mind like "Maybe you worry too much?" or "Stop worrying, please for the love of GOD stop worrying." "Because every time I do something different, you worry?" or go off into one of my rants, but of course I can't do that because I don't want to be mean and I'm TRYING to make this relationship work but if this keeps up, I may go completely bald.

*takes in deep breath*

So, to make this a valid topic and not just a "blog" post, who here has a significant other, and that significant other does something that just drives you insane?



Run far and run fast. She's talking about tying the noose this early in the relationship it's time to make tracks. Seriously, she's not likely to get less crazy.

I suggest you stick it in her pooper the next time you see her. Girls love that.



Disclaimer: Actual bodily and/or emotional and/or spiritual harm will come to you if you follow any of Ifreann's advice. You have been warned

to give a different perspective...

it does depend to some extent on how attached you feel to her and the general quality of your relationship.

you dont have to bail on her today. you can wait to see how things play out. if you are still enjoying her company there is no need to go change things quickly.

no one is perfect. there will be no woman out there who is perfect for you. every relationship is a matter of deciding whether putting up with the other person's shit balances out with the good things they bring.

you might want to give her a chance to work on her insecurity. if that is the worst thing about her, you might learn to deal with it. but stop pretending that it doesnt bug you. learn to let her know (gently) that her behavior is bugging you.

maybe she'll learn to tell you the things you do that bug her.

My grandpa wanted to marry my grandmother after 3 weeks.

I married my husband after 3 weeks, and while it seemingly mostly worked out for us, I can't recommend it for anyone else. You really have to be committed to the relationship, like really committed.

One thing that really drives me crazy is when my fiance talks in his native tongue and looks at me in that very distinctive "haha I'm talking about you" look.

:eek:

Then I bust out some of mine and he stops. :)

One thing that really drives me crazy is when my fiance talks in his native tongue and looks at me in that very distinctive "haha I'm talking about you" look.

:eek:

Then I bust out some of mine and he stops. :)

What are your native tongues?

What are your native tongues?Farsi and German, respectively. Unfortunately I've all but lost my ability to speak German, having lived in the US 17 of my 19 years. But it was enough to get through a two week vacation in Frankfurt.

What are your native tongues?

I don't know about the fiance's, but Maraque speaks fluent gangsta :p

I don't know about the fiance's, but Maraque speaks fluent gangsta :pWord G. :p

When I boil pasta, I like to add a little oil so it doesn't stick. I had a girlfriend that was such a diet nazi that this freaked her out.

It got to the point where I'd find ways to surreptitiously add oil and she'd constantly try to catch me.

Weird game, relationship didn't last.

Good grief! A) it's what, a tablespoon, tops? And B) it's probably olive oil, which is good for you. Diet clenching is really annoying when there's no reality involved in it.

My grandpa wanted to marry my grandmother after 3 weeks.

That was a different time. I know that sounds trite, but it's true. Less variety among potential mates, MUCH less interconnectivity of much smaller regional pools of people, MUCH slower communication. In short, one had to strike while the iron was metaphorically hot. Oddly enough, it seems that the success rate was the same (taking into account how much more likely folks were to try and ride out their differences and rough pateches or just ignore what drove them nuts).

Um hmmm. Well I wouldn't qualify anyone as a significant other right now, but my lawboy drives me nuts with his absolutely painful shyness and inability to talk dirty. These uptight WASPS. Also, the girl I've been seeing on and off is clingy as all hell right now, and I nearly had to tell her to fuck off for good, as I am in the midst of finals and can not spare the time to be with her.

Hmmm. Maybe I need to be more picky.

Sin, why aren't there more women like you, and if there are, why do I never meet them? Such forthrightness and honesty in a woman is what I long for and never seem to find. I have plenty of intuition, but I'm nobody's mind-reader. You give me hope. Thank you.

That's women for you.

That's women for you.

Quoi?

In what way?

Remember, you're talking to a Carlinite when it comes to my perception of women and men: "Women are crazy, but men are stupid. Why are women crazy? Because men are stupid."

Run away. Run away fast. Run away far. I have seen this kind of girl. Hell, I have been this kind of girl. She isn't ready for a relationship. She needs help, now! You may be the smartest, kindest, most rational person in the world, but you can't give it to her. The kind help she wants (marriage and you firmly attached to her) is not the kind of help she needs (a good shrink and possibly meds). For your own sanity (and perhaps hers) get out. Her behavior is pathological. She'll hate you if you leave, you'll hate her and yourself if you don't.