NationStates Jolt Archive

I've always heard this, that when you marry the person, whether it's be a woman, or a man, or sometimes...a goat, that you're not only marrying them, but you're marrying the family as well. Which I think is true, I mean when you marry someone you're a part of their family and you'll get invited to family reunions, holiday parties, etc. So, if you didn't get along with the family when you guys were dating, might start getting along now. What do you guys think, when you marry you special someone, do you Marry your family as well?

That depends on the family.

Are they a family of douchebags?

Unless you move to a place where it's impossible to visit, yeah.

You can't expect people to stop seeing their families just because they got married. And they will eventually drag the spouses along.

Unless your significant other thinks they are such tremendous assholes that they will have nothing to do with their own family, then yes, in a sense, you're going to have to deal with their family somewhat.

And your s.o. will have to deal with yours.

Potential future wife is screwed...

Solution: Don't get married. It's for suckers anyway.

That depends on the family.

Are they a family of douchebags?

Religious differences. The whole Southern Baptist vs. Catholicism thing again for me. So far they haven't said any of the tired rethorics yet, but I've only met her parents so far.

Potential future wife is screwed...

why?

yup you marry her family, friends, her past, present and future.

if its important to her and her life, you are marrying it.

why?

I think he meant "potential future wife's mother".
I mean, one would be marrying the family.

Ugh.

Yes.

Pay off?

They help you deal with your insane family. And you can both run away to Algeria together if neither of you want to deal with either family again.

Totally optional.

Religious differences. The whole Southern Baptist vs. Catholicism thing again for me. So far they haven't said any of the tired rethorics yet, but I've only met her parents so far.


If its merely a religious difference, then trust me, just work hard at never having a good conversation about the subject, and you'll be fine.

Even if the only option is doing yourself personal harm...dont have that conversation.

Lets review.

Option 1.

Stab yourself in the leg with a kitchen knife.

Option 2.

Talk to her parents about your religion.

If you chose, #1, YOU ,MADE THE RIGHT CALL!

Good Luck.

It's more along the lines of you, the man, losing your life and becoming another part of her life. Say good-bye to all your stuff, and your cool decorations, especially your couch (even though it's structurally and functionally superior, it looks like it belongs in the den), your DVD shelf (whatever is to be displayed is not your decision) and, if you have it, a definite good-bye to the gun on your mantle.

If its merely a religious difference, then trust me, just work hard at never having a good conversation about the subject, and you'll be fine.

Even if the only option is doing yourself personal harm...dont have that conversation.

Lets review.

Option 1.

Stab yourself in the leg with a kitchen knife.

Option 2.

Talk to her parents about your religion.

If you chose, #1, YOU ,MADE THE RIGHT CALL!

Good Luck.

Hmm, I may have to go with Option one, but what if they try to witness to me in order to "save" my soul? Usually when idiots do that, I just give them this dumbfounded look and then I tear them a new one.

why?
My family is unpleasant. And that polite unpleasant, so you don't realize it until your soul has been sucked dry.

My family is unpleasant. And that polite unpleasant, so you don't realize it until your soul has been sucked dry.

Vampires eh?

To quote Kitty Foreman, "Family is either embarrassing, or they're dead."
My family are a bunch of rowdy, drunken hillbillies, just like me, and I love them dearly. My next poor wife is going to have to endure them for my sake, and I'm going to do the same for her. When I took my last girlfriend to a family gathering, every member of my family called her by my first wife's name, and when she said, "I'm not (first wife)", they all apologized and called her by my second wife's name.
Sadly, this happened every time she spoke with them, first the first wife's name, then the second's. I think the last straw was my father telling her to marry me so she'd get on the list. Or the fact I laughed when he said that cruel, insensitive thing.

To quote Kitty Foreman, "Family is either embarrassing, or they're dead."
My family are a bunch of rowdy, drunken hillbillies, just like me, and I love them dearly. My next poor wife is going to have to endure them for my sake, and I'm going to do the same for her. When I took my last girlfriend to a family gathering, every member of my family called her by my first wife's name, and when she said, "I'm not (first wife)", they all apologized and called her by my second wife's name.
Sadly, this happened every time she spoke with them, first the first wife's name, then the second's. I think the last straw was my father telling her to marry me so she'd get on the list. Or the fact I laughed when he said that cruel, insensitive thing.

At this rate, I don't think that you'll have to worry about having a wife ever again.

When you get married, you have to accept that your spouse's friends & family are now a part of your life too. It doesn't mean you have to see them everyday, but it will make your life much more enjoyable if you can get along with them.

Religious differences. The whole Southern Baptist vs. Catholicism thing again for me. So far they haven't said any of the tired rethorics yet, but I've only met her parents so far.

I am both amused and a bit saddened that people who don't even belong to different religions but, at best, belong to different sects of the same religion which are about 90% similar in all relevant aspects can be said to have "religious differences".

It's the same f'in religion!

I am both amused and a bit saddened that people who don't even belong to different religions but, at best, belong to different sects of the same religion which are about 90% similar in all relevant aspects can be said to have "religious differences".

It's the same f'in religion!

Try telling them that, Nooo we're a cult, we worship Mary and the Saints, the Pope is the Antichrist and we eat babies, on and on and on....

Try telling them that, Nooo we're a cult, we worship Mary and the Saints, the Pope is the Antichrist and we eat babies, on and on and on....

Just share the secret baby-au-vin recipe with them ;)

Perhaps fortunately for her, I would do everything in my power to keep my family away from my future ex-wife. It'd be nice if she could do the same for simplicity's sake, but meh.

I expected a thread about wincest.

I's is sad :(.

I've always heard this, that when you marry the person, whether it's be a woman, or a man, or sometimes...a goat, that you're not only marrying them, but you're marrying the family as well. Which I think is true, I mean when you marry someone you're a part of their family and you'll get invited to family reunions, holiday parties, etc. So, if you didn't get along with the family when you guys were dating, might start getting along now. What do you guys think, when you marry you special someone, do you Marry your family as well?

Yes. If they're close to their family, you need to be close too. Don't tear your partner between them and you.

Not everyone is, of course. If your partner is estranged from their family, the last thing you'd want to do is become good friends with them. You have to take your partner's side if its a big issue for them.

EDIT: Agreed, Posi. The title had me ready to say "never mind marriage! My room or yours?"

I've always heard this, that when you marry the person, whether it's be a woman, or a man, or sometimes...a goat, that you're not only marrying them, but you're marrying the family as well. Which I think is true, I mean when you marry someone you're a part of their family and you'll get invited to family reunions, holiday parties, etc. So, if you didn't get along with the family when you guys were dating, might start getting along now. What do you guys think, when you marry you special someone, do you Marry your family as well?
It depends how close your spouse is to their family. My wife is very close to hers, both emotionally and geographically- her sister lives about a mile from us, and her parents live about a 20 minute drive away. I don't particularly like her parents - never have, truth be told - but I can tolerate them, and they've always seemed to like me.

Like everything else in marriage, it requires some degree of compromise. If your feelings for someone are strong enough that you can see yourself committing to them for the rest of your life, then the compromises are worth it.

The thing about my fiances family is they seriously, sincerely hate my guts and will do nothing to even try to like me. I swear when I go out to dinner with him and his family, they force me to sit between them and then they verbally harass me and ask me all sorts of questions and degrade me.

I don't know what in the world I've done to them to make them hate me so much. I haven't done a thing, actually, so I have no clue where this irrational hatred is coming from. That'll be a fun wedding, and, surely, life afterwards. :eek:

I've always heard this, that when you marry the person, whether it's be a woman, or a man, or sometimes...a goat, that you're not only marrying them, but you're marrying the family as well. Which I think is true, I mean when you marry someone you're a part of their family and you'll get invited to family reunions, holiday parties, etc. So, if you didn't get along with the family when you guys were dating, might start getting along now. What do you guys think, when you marry you special someone, do you Marry your family as well?

Only if they're very family-orientated, really.
Me, I see my mother and brothers maybe once a year (and to be honest, I try my best to get even out of that obligation), and my BF sees his parents about once a year. I haven't met his family yet, and he hasn't met mine.
So no, I don't feel like I'd be marrying his family...

To quote Kitty Foreman, "Family is either embarrassing, or they're dead."
My family are a bunch of rowdy, drunken hillbillies, just like me, and I love them dearly. My next poor wife is going to have to endure them for my sake, and I'm going to do the same for her. When I took my last girlfriend to a family gathering, every member of my family called her by my first wife's name, and when she said, "I'm not (first wife)", they all apologized and called her by my second wife's name.
Sadly, this happened every time she spoke with them, first the first wife's name, then the second's. I think the last straw was my father telling her to marry me so she'd get on the list. Or the fact I laughed when he said that cruel, insensitive thing.

This is very funny. Movie material. Also the reason why people shouldn't marry until they have at least three kids, or have lived together for 5 years.

Yeah, but it's a lot easier to divorce the family

I've always heard this, that when you marry the person, whether it's be a woman, or a man, or sometimes...a goat, that you're not only marrying them, but you're marrying the family as well. Which I think is true, I mean when you marry someone you're a part of their family and you'll get invited to family reunions, holiday parties, etc. So, if you didn't get along with the family when you guys were dating, might start getting along now. What do you guys think, when you marry you special someone, do you Marry your family as well?

Nope not really. I have nowt to do with my inlaws.

Hmm, I may have to go with Option one, but what if they try to witness to me in order to "save" my soul? Usually when idiots do that, I just give them this dumbfounded look and then I tear them a new one.

Politely explain that you are secure in your religious beliefs although you appreciate the sentiment behind their actions.

Simple

Politely explain that you are secure in your religious beliefs although you appreciate the sentiment behind their actions.

Simple

Or.

Give them a dumbfounded look, and then tear them a new one?

Politely explain that you are secure in your religious beliefs although you appreciate the sentiment behind their actions.

Simple

Invite them to a Satanic mass with baby sandwiches and fresh blood afterwards.
They might never bring the subject up again...

Or.

Give them a dumbfounded look, and then tear them a new one?

and put your significant other in a difficult position.

I'd prefer to swallow my pride

and put your significant other in a difficult position.

I'd prefer to swallow my pride

Heh the thing about pride swallowing is in the long run, it makes you vomit, and why should you if they can't?

and put your significant other in a difficult position.

I'd prefer to swallow my pride

If they didn't like you, they wouldn't try so hard to "save" your soul.

Luckily, I don't have religious issues with my ladyfriend's parents. Her dad is an overprotective asshole a lot of the time though.

Heh the thing about pride swallowing is in the long run, it makes you vomit, and why should you if they can't?

Because i'm not doing it for them i'm doing it for my significant other

Because i'm not doing it for them i'm doing it for my significant other

The same question stands though does it not? Can they also not do the same for their son or daughter?

The same question stands though does it not? Can they also not do the same for their son or daughter?

Apparently not but just because they can't doesn't mean I shouldnt

Apparently not but just because they can't doesn't mean I shouldnt

Fair point. I guess that makes you the better man huh!

Fair point. I guess that makes you the better man huh!

High ground FTW

High ground FTW

FTW? Fuck The Wot?

FTW? Fuck The Wot?

Yay i'm not the only one who thought that's what it meant

(or in my case Fuck the World)

I've since been corrected to 'For the win'

Yay i'm not the only one who thought that's what it meant

(or in my case Fuck the World)

I've since been corrected to 'For the win'

Ahhh

FTW? Fuck The Wot?

For The Win.

I've always heard this, that when you marry the person, whether it's be a woman, or a man, or sometimes...a goat, that you're not only marrying them, but you're marrying the family as well. Which I think is true, I mean when you marry someone you're a part of their family and you'll get invited to family reunions, holiday parties, etc. So, if you didn't get along with the family when you guys were dating, might start getting along now. What do you guys think, when you marry you special someone, do you Marry your family as well?

Yes, unless your spouse has so little to do with their family that they have been effectively disowned (in which case they do not in any practical sense have a family) if you marry them you marry the family.

Failure to make yourself a part of their family, even the taciturn aloof part, will end up placing great strain on your marriage and will eventually force your spouse to choose between you. Those who pull their spouse away from their families usually turn out to be abusers.

yup you marry her family, friends, her past, present and future.

if its important to her and her life, you are marrying it.

this is true. You should also make sure that none of her family's annoying faults were passed down to her, because, it's annoying.

I've always heard this, that when you marry the person, whether it's be a woman, or a man, or sometimes...a goat, that you're not only marrying them, but you're marrying the family as well. Which I think is true, I mean when you marry someone you're a part of their family and you'll get invited to family reunions, holiday parties, etc. So, if you didn't get along with the family when you guys were dating, might start getting along now. What do you guys think, when you marry you special someone, do you Marry your family as well?

Hell no.

When I marry a person, I'm marrying them and them only. That's the commitment I'm making.

Sure, their family now becomes more important to me, but only to the extent that their family is important to them.

For instance, if they are estranged from their family, then WE (as a married couple) will be estranged from their family. If they are very close with their family, then we as a couple will probably be close with their family. In time, I may become a part of their family, too. But I don't believe it magically happens over night.

Yes, unless your spouse has so little to do with their family that they have been effectively disowned (in which case they do not in any practical sense have a family) if you marry them you marry the family.

Failure to make yourself a part of their family, even the taciturn aloof part, will end up placing great strain on your marriage and will eventually force your spouse to choose between you. Those who pull their spouse away from their families usually turn out to be abusers.

Purely subjective though that. I have nowt whatsover to do with my in-laws, they just don't like me, and never have. *shrug*

My wife though sees them at least once a week, and stays over at her mum's every xmas.

No strain on me, nor her.

Yep, you sure as hell do.:(

Purely subjective though that. I have nowt whatsover to do with my in-laws, they just don't like me, and never have. *shrug*
wonder why?:confused:

wonder why?:confused:

Ohh easily explained. Her dad is not her real dad and has always treated her so, I guess he was just mad at having another male come into his domian. He pissed off to the States shortly before we got married, no losse there.

Her Mum is a certified man hater, I'm a man.

Ohh easily explained. Her dad is not her real dad and has always treated her so, I guess he was just mad at having another male come into his domian. He pissed off to the States shortly before we got married, no losse there.

Her Mum is a certified man hater, I'm a man.

couldn't be your personality?

couldn't be your personality?

Don't be silly. It's everyone else's fault. ;)

Don't be silly. It's everyone else's fault. ;)

that's why nobody like me! everyone sucks.

When I marry a person, I'm marrying them and them only. That's the commitment I'm making.

You're even considering that? :eek:

Somehow, I'd imagined you writing a contract, plainly expressed but legally binding, laying out the "Bottle system" which will one day become the Manga Carta of Relationship Contracts.

Bah. See if I care. Go marry someone then. :(

couldn't be your personality?

don't be silly it's everybody else's fault!

Damn beaten!

Naa, I get on with most people.

Don't be silly. It's everyone else's fault. ;)
that's why nobody like me! everyone sucks.

I suck, where appropriate.

(/matchmaking)

Hell no.

When I marry a person, I'm marrying them and them only. That's the commitment I'm making.

Sure, their family now becomes more important to me, but only to the extent that their family is important to them.

For instance, if they are estranged from their family, then WE (as a married couple) will be estranged from their family. If they are very close with their family, then we as a couple will probably be close with their family. In time, I may become a part of their family, too. But I don't believe it magically happens over night.

Thats what I thought too. Live and learn.

that's why nobody like me! everyone sucks.

I like you! :fluffle:

Posi, your "lolz incezt" comment was unwittingly accurate.

It's really quite sick. The bride or groom are essentially engaging in this enormous orgy with incontinent aunts and creepy uncles, moms, dads, siblings and children not yet conceived.

You fuck the flesh of their loins. They take that kind of personal.

Buy yourself a Romanian orphan. Much simpler. Free market FTW.

That depends on the family.YEAH!! ... are they sexy? :D :D :cool: :D

YEAH!! ... are they sexy? :D :D :cool: :D

Hey, I hope you have Smunkee's permission to just copy her sig like that!

In reply to content of your post: three grinning family members makes the one who won't take the sunglasses off, OK.

The thing about my fiances family is they seriously, sincerely hate my guts and will do nothing to even try to like me. I swear when I go out to dinner with him and his family, they force me to sit between them and then they verbally harass me and ask me all sorts of questions and degrade me.

I don't know what in the world I've done to them to make them hate me so much. I haven't done a thing, actually, so I have no clue where this irrational hatred is coming from. That'll be a fun wedding, and, surely, life afterwards. :eek:

since youre going to marry her (and you brought it up):

if this is going to work you have to talk to your fiance about how to manage her family.

if its not going to drive a wedge between the 2 of you it either has to be that you visit so seldom that you can put up with a bit of torture now and then or SHE has to put them in their place and make it clear to them that this behavior has to stop or you 2 will not be visiting more than now and then for an hour at a time.

the rule is that each spouse deals with their own original family members when they are causing trouble.

this is true. You should also make sure that none of her family's annoying faults were passed down to her, because, it's annoying.

WORD!

you should take a good hard look at her mother. she is prone to every fault her mother has. this doesnt mean she will have them but you better think about it.

if her mother is a drama queen, she may well turn out to be a drama queen herself. in fact she may already BE a drama queen but you havent been hit with the drama yet. if she doesnt notice that her mom is a drama queen, RUN.

WORD!

you should take a good hard look at her mother. she is prone to every fault her mother has. this doesnt mean she will have them but you better think about it.

if her mother is a drama queen, she may well turn out to be a drama queen herself. in fact she may already BE a drama queen but you havent been hit with the drama yet. if she doesnt notice that her mom is a drama queen, RUN.

Again all subjective though innit!

Hey, I hope you have Smunkee's permission to just copy her sig like that! -snip-

I liked it so much, I thought about copying it too.. but I haven't .. yet. :p

In reply to content of your post: three grinning family members makes the one who won't take the sunglasses off, OK.LOL
.
Hey, I hope you have Smunkee's permission to just copy her sig like that!I asked her in the open.. and she said YES!
















.. I think :p

I liked it so much, I thought about copying it too.. but I haven't .. yet. :phey...
Maybe we should make an official holidays sigs competition.. with a POLL and all.

so far my vote goes to her.

hey...
Maybe we should make an official holidays sigs competition.. with a POLL and all.

so far my vote goes to her.

hmm yeah. I might try to create a nifty design sig.

Again all subjective though innit!

true. you may love drama.

*shudder*

true. you may love drama.

*shudder*

Or she may be like her dad! *shudder*

Or she may be like her dad! *shudder*

lol

true but less likely

so take a good hard look at him too. AND the way her parents treat each other.

since youre going to marry her (and you brought it up):

if this is going to work you have to talk to your fiance about how to manage her family.

if its not going to drive a wedge between the 2 of you it either has to be that you visit so seldom that you can put up with a bit of torture now and then or SHE has to put them in their place and make it clear to them that this behavior has to stop or you 2 will not be visiting more than now and then for an hour at a time.

the rule is that each spouse deals with their own original family members when they are causing trouble.Well, uhm... I know part of the problem.

It's not a she, but a he, and his parents are hardcore Muslims and even though they support that he's gay, they don't think he should get married.

BAH.

So they treat ME like crap to try to make him give me up. He has told them countless times what you've just said; they now pretend to like me, but they still do the little disparaging comments here and there during dinner.

My parents love him though! :D

:mad::(

Well, uhm... I know part of the problem.

It's not a she, but a he, and his parents are hardcore Muslims and even though they support that he's gay, they don't think he should get married.

BAH.

So they treat ME like crap to try to make him give me up. He has told them countless times what you've just said; they now pretend to like me, but they still do the little disparaging comments here and there during dinner.

My parents love him though! :D

:mad::(

My girlfriends grandparents refer to me as 'the immigrant' even though we're both from the UK. Apparently being from Northern Ireland doesn't count

Depends. Do I get to sleep with her sister? Do I have to sleep with her mom?

My girlfriends grandparents refer to me as 'the immigrant' even though we're both from the UK:eek:

That's so rude.

Well, uhm... I know part of the problem.

It's not a she, but a he, and his parents are hardcore Muslims and even though they support that he's gay, they don't think he should get married.

BAH.

So they treat ME like crap to try to make him give me up. He has told them countless times what you've just said; they now pretend to like me, but they still do the little disparaging comments here and there during dinner.

My parents love him though! :D

:mad::(

oh that makes it much tougher to bring out the big ammunition--the future grandchildren that they would never get to see if they didnt start treating you better.

pretense can turn into reality. but he still must keep them from treating you like crap. its his job.

:eek:

That's so rude.

They did try to compliment me once though, albeit horribly, by saying "at least you're not catholic"

oh that makes it much tougher to bring out the big ammunition--the future grandchildren that they would never get to see if they didnt start treating you better.

pretense can turn into reality. but he still must keep them from treating you like crap. its his job.I'm getting the vibe that they wouldn't consider adopted children as legit. They just don't seem like that.

Which is terrible because we plan to adopt many. Oh well, their loss not ours. :)

that might be the problem

but adopted or bio, its really really hard to reject your own grandchildren.

Yeah, and the marriage part, because they liked me (a lot) as his "boyfriend" then when it became "fiance" they got vicious.

:confused:

Yeah, and the marriage part, because they liked me (a lot) as his "boyfriend" then when it became "fiance" they got vicious.

:confused:

Well, come on, if you're just a "boyfriend," she might still come to her senses and dump you. Once you became the "finace," it was obvious you cast some sort of evil spell over their sweet little girl.

I've always heard this, that when you marry the person, whether it's be a woman, or a man, or sometimes...a goat, that you're not only marrying them, but you're marrying the family as well. Which I think is true, I mean when you marry someone you're a part of their family and you'll get invited to family reunions, holiday parties, etc. So, if you didn't get along with the family when you guys were dating, might start getting along now. What do you guys think, when you marry you special someone, do you Marry your family as well?

For most practical marriages I'd say you are completely right. There are exceptions though. Some people are able to ditinguish between themselves and their families. Part of growing up is realing self and having more of an awareness of who you are as an individual. Your parents may have helped shape your worldview, but it's up to you to make it your own. Some people cannot seperate from their parents and wind up letting them rule their lives. I feel sorry for these people. Finally, there's people who don't have close bonds to their family so there's no reason to worry about their influence. If your significant other is a mature adult they will realize that while their family is important, they are not a child who is meant to obey any longer. You start to care more about what your other half thinks than Mom and Dad.

Sweet little girl... lol. We're both dudes. :p

Sweet little girl... lol. We're both dudes. :p

they may change again once the deed is done.

what are your plans for getting hitched?

A secular ceremony in the Town Hall in Boston with just us and a few witnesses, then a more traditional ceremony in New York.

Maybe they don't like the idea of a secular marriage? :eek: Maybe since we're no doubt going to go through with it, they want it to be religious in nature in some way?

I don't know.

A secular ceremony in the Town Hall in Boston with just us and a few witnesses, then a more traditional ceremony in New York.

Maybe they don't like the idea of a secular marriage? :eek: Maybe since we're no doubt going to go through with it, they want it to be religious in nature in some way?

I don't know.

as a parent i can think of many reasons from tradition to fear of how society will treat you. if you treat their son well, they will get over it (based on their liking you before the engagement)

it may even be the thought of 2 men raising children in a womanless home. many "older" people cant imagine how a man can possibly be a primary care giver. you 2 can give them first hand experience of how it can work very well.

Religious differences. The whole Southern Baptist vs. Catholicism thing again for me. So far they haven't said any of the tired rethorics yet, but I've only met her parents so far.



why?
Just don't talk about religion. There are so many more things that you can do and say to piss them off... I managed to find at least one a week when my wife and I were dating. The wedding added a least a hundred more unhappy episodes and so it went until the grandchildren were born. Then we couldn't do anything wrong.

as a parent i can think of many reasons from tradition to fear of how society will treat you. if you treat their son well, they will get over it (based on their liking you before the engagement)

it may even be the thought of 2 men raising children in a womanless home. many "older" people cant imagine how a man can possibly be a primary care giver. you 2 can give them first hand experience of how it can work very well. Seeing as how we've a son (although not together, he is from a previous relationship), and we haven't killed the child yet, I think we're proving rather well men can do it. :D

Well, whatever it is, I hope they turn around, because I know they're good, kind hearted people deep down inside.

Oh, God, please no! I really dislike his mother!

Oh, God, please no! I really dislike his mother!

yeah but does HE love and dote on his mother?

if he seldom sees her, he wont be dragging you over there all the time (and she wont be stopping in to visit every day)

if he sees her every day, you are going to have to do some major negotiating to make it work. if thats the case, i advise consulting peepelonia

Arranged marriage, that's the solution. The parents decide if they can get along before the couple even meet.

Yep, that's irony.

I don't have to worry about her family, even her overprotective asshole of a dad too much, because my family is so huge that when members marry, their spouses' families become absorbed into ours.

yeah but does HE love and dote on his mother?

if he seldom sees her, he wont be dragging you over there all the time (and she wont be stopping in to visit every day)

if he sees her every day, you are going to have to do some major negotiating to make it work. if thats the case, i advise consulting peepelonia

:) No, I'm lucky, he doesn't dote on his mother. At the same time, I'm really unlucky because his mother dotes on him (he's her only child). She spent last Christmas break trying to shove us down the aisle and followed us to my hometown for spring break. A little awkward for me.

I've always heard this, that when you marry the person, whether it's be a woman, or a man, or sometimes...a goat, that you're not only marrying them, but you're marrying the family as well. Which I think is true, I mean when you marry someone you're a part of their family and you'll get invited to family reunions, holiday parties, etc. So, if you didn't get along with the family when you guys were dating, might start getting along now. What do you guys think, when you marry you special someone, do you Marry your family as well?

Yes. Like it or not when you marry someone you become part of their family. So, you all should try to get along. I missed out on knowing my granduncle who I heard was a pretty cool guy because my grandma and my grandaunt did not get along. I never even met the guy until he was old and dying of cancer. I really do not think that it was fair for those two women to cause such a familial rift.

Seriously, if getting along with people is so hard for you? Why would anybody want to marry your grouchy butt anyway?

The thing about my fiances family is they seriously, sincerely hate my guts and will do nothing to even try to like me. I swear when I go out to dinner with him and his family, they force me to sit between them and then they verbally harass me and ask me all sorts of questions and degrade me.

I don't know what in the world I've done to them to make them hate me so much. I haven't done a thing, actually, so I have no clue where this irrational hatred is coming from. That'll be a fun wedding, and, surely, life afterwards. :eek:

Don't sit between them, and have him support you on that.
If they ask a stupid question you don't want to answer or are nasty, try to change the subject or, if it's really horrendous, "I know you're joking, but that's going too far."

There's always, if it's something maddening, "I don't think I'll dignify that with an answer," or, "Wow, that's rude."

Call them on the behavior without insulting them personally. Maybe if you stand up to it without losing your cool they'll see it's not fun to be assholes to you.

BTW where's your fiance in this? Doesn't he ever say anything in your defense?

Arranged marriage, that's the solution. The parents decide if they can get along before the couple even meet.

Yep, that's irony.

You're sort of right. In cultures which have arranged marriages, a lot more of the focus is placed on this idea of one family marrying another. The romantic relationship between the two people to be married is considered the important part. It sounds strange to many western people because we grow up with the notion of romantic love being the whole point of marriage.

Don't sit between them, and have him support you on that.
If they ask a stupid question you don't want to answer or are nasty, try to change the subject or, if it's really horrendous, "I know you're joking, but that's going too far."

There's always, if it's something maddening, "I don't think I'll dignify that with an answer," or, "Wow, that's rude."

Call them on the behavior without insulting them personally. Maybe if you stand up to it without losing your cool they'll see it's not fun to be assholes to you.

BTW where's your fiance in this? Doesn't he ever say anything in your defense?I just saw this before I left for breakfast with him and his family, and it worked like a charm. Deflecting their shit storm really got them good. :p

Like normal, they had my fiance and his two siblings sit together and tried to prop me between them across the table, but I said firmly, "I'd rather sit next to Kaveh (my fiance) if that's OK." My fiance backed me up on it after I gave him a little look, and that worked out.

My fiance just kind of looks on horrified without defending me. He doesn't want to be on bad terms with his parents, and I guess if he defends me he will be.