Where is the heir of Norton I, Emperor of America?
Hammurab
20-11-2007, 10:01
I call to all historians, geneologists, teachers, and students of history...
My country, the United States of America, has languished without its emperor for many years.
Norton I, Emperor of America, left no heir.
If you know where one can be found, verifiable and true of blood and character to the spirit and courage of Norton I, please make it known.
Todsboro
20-11-2007, 10:05
Have you tried the local homeless shelters? Crazy people end up there sometimes.
Lunatic Goofballs
20-11-2007, 10:08
Emperors have a bad habit of being stabbed in the back or thrown down exhaust shafts.
No thanks. :p
Sadly, I think the House of Norton ended with his death. ;)
I call to all historians, geneologists, teachers, and students of history...
My country, the United States of America, has languished without its emperor for many years.
Norton I, Emperor of America, left no heir.
If you know where one can be found, verifiable and true of blood and character to the spirit and courage of Norton I, please make it known.
There's an heir, but he went undercover to design anti-virus software.
Tagmatium
20-11-2007, 10:40
What's this about? Some guy who declared himself Emperor of the USA, or summat?
Fnordgasm 5
20-11-2007, 10:48
What's this about? Some guy who declared himself Emperor of the USA, or summat?
Or summat!? This is His Imperial Majesty, Norton I, Emperor of Those American States, Son Of Eris and Protector of Mexico we're talking about!
Or summat!? This is His Imperial Majesty, Norton I, Emperor of Those American States, Son Of Eris and Protector of Mexico we're talking about!
Yeah, my great-grandfather in law was kooky.
Fnordgasm 5
20-11-2007, 10:57
Yeah, my great-grandfather in law was kooky.
Was your Great-grandfather the son of the Goddess?
What's this about? Some guy who declared himself Emperor of the USA, or summat?
once upon a time, there was an emporor OF CALIFORNIA, in san francisco. or wanabe one anyway. this was during sam clemin's own day. his memory is dearly loved by dicordians, and if i'm not mystaken, there is at least one chapter of e. clampus vitus named after him as well.
there's probably one or more wiki pages about him somewhere too. he thought, quite rightfully, that 'the north' and 'the south' were both screwed up and wanted to restore california's bear flag republic, with himself at the head of it as emporor of course. nutcase or not, he actually did gain considerable public support. not quite enough, but rather a remarkable lot nontheless.
he did NOT however, to the best of my knowledge, anounce any sort of agenda for the rest of the u.s., nor to the best of my knowledge, was he ever interested in, nor intent upon, doing so.
=^^=
.../\...
Was your Great-grandfather the son of the Goddess?
I have no idea. As I said, he was only an in-law and not one very well known at that.
But given the high unlikelihood of Eris ever actually having existed...
Fnordgasm 5
20-11-2007, 11:09
I have no idea. As I said, he was only an in-law and not one very well known at that.
But given the high unlikelihood of Eris ever actually having existed...
You know, in probability terms, the likelihood is somewhere between 0 and 1.. Are you willing to take that risk?
You know, in probability terms, the likelihood is somewhere between 0 and 1.. Are you willing to take that risk?
Of course.
The Brevious
20-11-2007, 11:15
You know, there's no real need for such a grand production about the topic.
Just TG LG. Sheesh.
Jeez, man, let me wring it out for you.
The Brevious
20-11-2007, 11:16
You know, in probability terms, the likelihood is somewhere between 0 and 1.. Are you willing to take that risk?
Love the name, playa. *bows*
Mighty big stiletto-heels to fill on occasion, though.
The Brevious
20-11-2007, 11:17
According to the wiki, he ordered Congress to dissolve because he was the only legitimate government of the US.
Great currency too - i bet it would *fare* well against the dollar even, right now.
he did NOT however, to the best of my knowledge, anounce any sort of agenda for the rest of the u.s., nor to the best of my knowledge, was he ever interested in, nor intent upon, doing so.
According to the wiki, he ordered Congress to dissolve because he was the only legitimate government of the US.
Fnordgasm 5
20-11-2007, 11:22
Of course.
Well I'm terrible at all sports but I rock at bowling! What does that tell you!?
I don't believe that the good Emperor had any children. Nor do I believe that he got around to clarifying how the title of Emperor of The United States and Protector of Mexico was to be passed on after his death. Perhaps, like Kim Il Sung, he meant to remain in charge, even after his death.
Cogitation
20-11-2007, 11:30
Norton the First (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joshua_A._Norton), Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico.
--The Democratic States of Cogitation
Hammurab
20-11-2007, 11:35
Hmmm...seeing, then, that there is reasonable cause to believe that no blood heir is apparent, or a parent, or a'parented, then we must choose a suitable graft for the bloodline.
Due diligence in the pursuit of a genetic descendent having been satisfied (i.e., somebody looked at Wiki and it didn't mention nothin' about any kids), let us move on.
May I propose Edward Norton? We could crown him Edward the Norton II, and move the capital from San Francisco to LA or New York.
Else, perhaps we could computer animate an heir, ala Beowulf, in which case we need only choose voice talent. I like Chris Walken, but its an open field.
Long Live the Eventual Emperor!!!!
Also, could somebody tap Cat-Tribes to work out the paper work on this?
According to the wiki, he ordered Congress to dissolve because he was the only legitimate government of the US.
we learn something new every day.
although i still think he may have been suggesting that as a forign head of state in response to something. perhaps with the idea of making the eastern states a colony.
unlike the civil war south, todays california needs the rest of the u.s., a LOT LESS, then the rest of the u.s., or at least the atlantic seaboard anyway, needs california. (aside from producing a considerably percentage of the rest of the nation's food supply, we also manufacture a vital pecentage of its war materiel! if relations ever did break off, guess who whould have the real advantage!)
=^^=
.../\...
Sadly, no one today approaches the grandeur of his Imperial Majesty.
we learn something new every day.
although i still think he may have been suggesting that as a forign head of state in response to something. perhaps with the idea of making the eastern states a colony.
But all of the United States were(and most likely still are) part of his glorious Empire.
He's running for President of the United States under the banner of RON PAUL LOVE REVOLUTION
His platform is
TROOF
JUSTICE
PIRACY
CONSTITUTION
MOON MONEY
GOLDEN NUGGETS
HALE BOPP
He changed his name from Norton to DAWKTER RON PAUL.
How DARE you insult His Imperial Majesty by comparing him to Ron Paul!
New Granada
20-11-2007, 11:56
He's running for President of the United States under the banner of RON PAUL LOVE REVOLUTION
His platform is
TROOF
JUSTICE
PIRACY
CONSTITUTION
MOON MONEY
GOLDEN NUGGETS
HALE BOPP
He changed his name from Norton to DAWKTER RON PAUL.
New Granada
20-11-2007, 12:05
Well I'm terrible at all sports but I rock at bowling! What does that tell you!?
That you're either:
A) Obese
-or-
B) Going to shoot all the kids at your high school
Fnordgasm 5
20-11-2007, 12:08
That you're either:
A) Obese
-or-
B) Going to shoot all the kids at your high school
Actually, I'm quite skinny and the bowling alley is just across the road from where I work.. Between 10AM and 6PM it's all the bowling you can handle for £6! My bowling nickname is either Cannonball or Girth. Both are ironic..:(
Do you fnord?
Actually, I'm quite skinny and the bowling alley is just across the road from where I work.. Between 10AM and 6PM it's all the bowling you can handle for £6! My bowling nickname is either Cannonball or Girth. Both are ironic..:(
Do you fnord?
Clearly it's B) then. Remember to become an hero.
Fnordgasm 5
20-11-2007, 12:19
Clearly it's B) then. Remember to become an hero.
Hmm.. I do study part-time on wednesday at college and I do hate those lazy, tax-dodging, whiny, self-centred, sheepish bloody students! Fuck it! Where can I get a longbow!? If I'm going to do this it'll have to be done properly!
Hmm.. I do study part-time on wednesday at college and I do hate those lazy, tax-dodging, whiny, self-centred, sheepish bloody students! Fuck it! Where can I get a longbow!? If I'm going to do this it'll have to be done properly!
I'm sure eBay have something.
Tagmatium
20-11-2007, 12:38
Hmm.. I do study part-time on wednesday at college and I do hate those lazy, tax-dodging, whiny, self-centred, sheepish bloody students! Fuck it! Where can I get a longbow!? If I'm going to do this it'll have to be done properly!
We're not tax-dodging! We pay our fair share of tax... on booze, mainly.
'bout the whole Emperor Norton I thing...
From what I gather from that Wikipedia article so kindly linked, it'd be awesome to have a monarch that cool.
Vive l'Empereur!
Tagmatium
20-11-2007, 12:45
He would live, but he's far too occupied being dead.
:(
I know. Long dead.
Where's necromancy when you need it?
We're not tax-dodging! We pay our fair share of tax... on booze, mainly.
'bout the whole Emperor Norton I thing...
From what I gather from that Wikipedia article so kindly linked, it'd be awesome to have a monarch that cool.
Vive le Empereur!
He would live, but he's far too occupied being dead.
Jello Biafra
20-11-2007, 13:21
Perhaps the likenesses on the Wikipedia page aren't very good, but he's rather ugly. I can't imagine anyone would fuck him willingly. No blood heirs, then.
:(
I know. Long dead.
Where's necromancy when you need it?
The only form of necromancy we've mastered so far is thread necromancy.
Perhaps the likenesses on the Wikipedia page aren't very good, but he's rather ugly. I can't imagine anyone would fuck him willingly. No blood heirs, then.
Don't forget, power is an aphrodisiac.
Jello Biafra
20-11-2007, 13:32
Don't forget, power is an aphrodisiac.That's true. *Swoons in the presence of GM power*
South Lorenya
20-11-2007, 15:44
But Norton I already has an heir, kind of (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jos%C3%A9_Sarria)...
Jello Biafra
20-11-2007, 17:00
But Norton I already has an heir, kind of (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jos%C3%A9_Sarria)...All hail Empress Jose!
The Brevious
21-11-2007, 08:34
Sadly, no one today approaches the grandeur of his Imperial Majesty.
...not even Corneliu?
:(
...not even Corneliu?
:(
Nope, not even close. And OUCH and a HALF! ~_^
The Brevious
21-11-2007, 08:52
Where's necromancy when you need it?
The Moderation rules about that are quite clear.
The Brevious
21-11-2007, 08:54
Nope, not even close. And OUCH and a HALF! ~_^
One can only hope with time and temperament that Corny will achieve it. Maybe with Eutrusca's help.
Hammurab
21-11-2007, 10:25
As the OP, I'd like to address this issue of applying necromancy to resolve the issue of ascension of the Imperial Throne.
1. Any undeadification of the actual remains of Norton I shall not be undertaken unless the result is of the power and grandeur of a lich or greater.
2. His reanimated corpse must be treated with all the regal magesty of his station. No referring to him as "Stinkyass the First" or "Emperor Bony McCrotchrot".
3. The beard, man, the beard.
4. Lunatic Goofballs should kindly refrain from storing his bong in the Emperor's exposed pelvic bone.
5. In the unlikely event that attempting to summon the Emperor's spirt instead leads to the enthronement of an ancient malevolent demon who masquerades as the Emperor while systematically corrupting the very soil of the earth with its hellish depradations, we will agree to play along and not speak of it again.