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Are you?
The Story (http://www.lansingstatejournal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071024/NOISE05/710240310)
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When zombies attack
Is Lansing prepared for an attack from the undead? Are you?

Christian Czerwinski
NOISE

Imagine waking up tomorrow, switching on the news and hearing the anchor say that Lansing -- or even the world -- is being overrun with brain-eating zombies. No, we're not talking about the Halloween variety. The real deal.

That means you won't be stopping at QD for that doughnut on the way to work. In fact, you probably won't be going to work ever again - well, unless your current job involves splitting zombie skulls.

Forget filling out reports, you're probably going to spend your days either running away like a wuss or going toe-to-toe with reanimated mounds of flesh.

Do you know where your crowbar is?

If your best buddy, your neighbor or your mail carrier came lurching toward you with a soulless look in their eyes, would you have what it takes to ice them?

If the zombies attacked today, would you be ready? Would Lansing?

Prepared for an invasion

Lansing police and fire crews say they're ready for any attack on our fine city. Officials said Lansing wouldn't be taken by surprise and in a few hours could be armed to the teeth.

"We have been doing mock disasters and cross training for several years," said Lansing Police Lt. Bruce Ferguson.

"People can feel confident, if zombies start invading, we'll know how to close the streets. We can get chainsaws too.

"If a swarm comes in on I-496 westbound, we'll block off the exits so they miss the city."

City officials would not say if they've run zombie-attack scenarios. Mayor Virg Bernero could not be reached for comment.

If the undead did attack, you'd have three options: come up with a detailed escape plan; cower in your basement and wait for help to come; or head out to the nearest store, buy a machete and .357 magnum, steal an SUV and start cracking craniums.

Lansing resident Jen Wagner, 23, who says she's a "pretty good shot," said she'd probably go with the third option and spend her time putting bullets in brains.

Despite their claims, Wagner has no confidence in city or state officials protecting her brain from being devoured by some undead vagrant.

"Gauging how the Legislature had problems putting together a budget, they probably can't put together a plan to fight zombies," she said.

So, ladies and gentlemen, are you prepared for the Zambahcalypse*?


*Zombie Apocalypse

Anyone want to go down to the Winchester for a few beers?

No, because a zombie apocalypse is a stupid concept (I have in fact read the reasons and yes it probably will happen eventually). In any case I have the more important book, How to Survive a Robot Uprising :)

have we learned nothing from hurricane katrina?

we cannot rely on government at any level to keep us safe from the zombie menace. we all need to prepare ourselves and work with our neighbors to develop a coordinated plan for survival.

the government is too vested in keeping the public calm by controlling information. too worried about not making mistakes like accidentally decapitating a non-infected grandmother with parkinsons. too worried about budgets, hierarchies, spheres of influence, infighting over who gets what powers.

they cannot be expected to deal with a threat of this magnitude.

this is why i keep my zombie survival guide (and a double headed ax) with me at all times.

its best to be prepared.

I think we should take a note from adam west and cement all the graves so there can't be a zombie attack. (whoever watches family guy should know this)

George Bush hates zombies! and black people. but mainly black people.... well only on the the days that end with a Y.

I think we should take a note from adam west and cement all the graves so there can't be a zombie attack. (whoever watches family guy should know this)

That won't prevent a zombie attack. Might help though.

ifrann, you took it to serious.

ifrann, you took it to serious.

Zombies are serious business, you know.

Lies!

Lies!

Very well, don't prepare. It will only make our eventual assault more successful.

SHOW ME YOUR PROOF THAT ZOMBIES ARE A SERIOUS MATTER AND I'LL PROVE YOU WRONG! (LOL My impression of conservative morality)

I want the zombie shirt!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jF_9_HnV1o&eurl=http://coffeehousepoetry.net/store-front/

"Shhhh...there might be zombies!"

George Bush hates zombies! and black people. but mainly black people.... well only on the the days that end with a Y.

Well that depends on whether zombies vote Republican or not.

If the undead did attack, you'd have three options: come up with a detailed escape plan; cower in your basement and wait for help to come; or head out to the nearest store, buy a machete and .357 magnum, steal an SUV and start cracking craniums.


Wrong wrong wrong.

Hiding in a Basement is useless, and will lead to your inevitable death. In all probability, initial encounters with Zombies in Lansing will prove too much for Local Law enforcement and National Guard, and will probably overrun the town. You don't want to be hiding in a dark room with only one exit then. Unless it has some kind of escape tunnel, which even then isn't preferable, since it may either collapse/have collapsed or Zombies will be waiting on the other side. Basements are also prone to flooding, amongst other potential disasters.

If you're going to hold up in your home, stay on the ground floor, then board up your house and create basic fortifications. You should have a basic Zombie survival kit for every occupant prepared at your primary retreat path, for escape at a moments notice. Everything you might need should be brought down to the ground floor.

Maintain a watch and keep noise levels down to a minimum.


Also, the choice of a Machette as a close combat weapon is a good one. Excellent for cutting off Zombies heads. A crowbar also makes for an excellent multi-purpose weapon, which is able to crack open Zombie skulls as well as serve it's usual function.

A .357 Magnum is however, a poor choice of long ranged weaponry when fighting Zombies, for at least two reasons I can think of:

1. It makes a tremendous amount of noise. Any time you use this weapon, dozens or hundreds of Zombies will be drawn to you.
2. .357 caliber bullets are comparitively rarer than most standard firearm bullets out there. You will quickly find yourself out of ammunition quite quickly.

A much better choice would be a basic .22 rimfire rifle. It's ammunition is abundant throughout the United States, and the rest of the world. Many gun users will be very familiar with its operation, and non-gun users can quite easily learn to use one. It is quieter, comparitively speaking, than a Magnum. It is also relatively light to carry.


An SUV is also not a preferable mode of transportation. It's horrible fuel consumption will mean you will be left walking a long time before you are out of danger. It is also susceptible to all of the dangers of driving a normal car during a Zombie invasion. Tires make become flat, or you can run into terrain that will be unpassable. Windows will be broken into from outside.

A better choice of transportation is in fact the often overlooked Bicycle. It can traverse a much greater range of terrain than a car, will never run out of fuel, can be carried anywhere it cannot go, and is capable of weaving through streets full of Zombies and abandoned cars.

George Bush hates zombies! and black people. but mainly black people.... well only on the the days that end with a Y.

he sure hates zombies (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoXgRtDysLY)

he sure hates zombies (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoXgRtDysLY)

Epic.

A better choice of transportation is in fact the often overlooked Bicycle. It can traverse a much greater range of terrain than a car, will never run out of fuel, can be carried anywhere it cannot go, and is capable of weaving through streets full of Zombies and abandoned cars.

That sounds great, until you've been peadling for 4+ hours and theres still a shitload of zombies behind you. What if the zombies are fast? Personally, I'd go for an ATV or a dirt bike. Better milage than a hummer, you get to carry more stuff, and I think that some come with replaceable electric batteries rather than oil, or its a switch thing. and much better protection than a bycycle too. Remeber- bikes can get flat tires just as easily (or probably more easily) than most cars

That sounds great, until you've been peadling for 4+ hours and theres still a shitload of zombies behind you. What if the zombies are fast? Personally, I'd go for an ATV or a dirt bike. Better milage than a hummer, you get to carry more stuff, and I think that some come with replaceable electric batteries rather than oil, or its a switch thing. and much better protection than a bycycle too. Remeber- bikes can get flat tires just as easily (or probably more easily) than most cars

Cars can also be used in other ways, whether it's running the horde down or creating a large metal barricade.

That sounds great, until you've been peadling for 4+ hours and theres still a shitload of zombies behind you. What if the zombies are fast? Personally, I'd go for an ATV or a dirt bike. Better milage than a hummer, you get to carry more stuff, and I think that some come with replaceable electric batteries rather than oil, or its a switch thing. and much better protection than a bycycle too. Remeber- bikes can get flat tires just as easily (or probably more easily) than most cars

Very good points, Fudk. Dirt bikes come with a number of advantages afforded by bikes. And if you could somehow find a reliable way of recharging the batteries, that'd be very good.

However, dirt bikes couldn't be carried as easily as a pedal bike if you had to traverse terrain that the bike couldn't get through, such as waist-deep rivers and dense forest.

Also, most Zombies aren't as fast as humans, period. It's one of the only advantages we have against them. You can almost always outrun a zombie. However, they do have unlimited stamina, and so you must remain on the move.

Cars can also be used in other ways, whether it's running the horde down or creating a large metal barricade.

*Nods* Theres no way you could do that on a bicycle......
*Imagines me in a knight costume, riding my bike with a lance towards a large group of zombies*

Wrong wrong wrong.

Hiding in a Basement is useless, and will lead to your inevitable death. In all probability, initial encounters with Zombies in Lansing will prove too much for Local Law enforcement and National Guard, and will probably overrun the town. You don't want to be hiding in a dark room with only one exit then. Unless it has some kind of escape tunnel, which even then isn't preferable, since it may either collapse/have collapsed or Zombies will be waiting on the other side. Basements are also prone to flooding, amongst other potential disasters.

If you're going to hold up in your home, stay on the ground floor, then board up your house and create basic fortifications. You should have a basic Zombie survival kit for every occupant prepared at your primary retreat path, for escape at a moments notice. Everything you might need should be brought down to the ground floor.

Maintain a watch and keep noise levels down to a minimum.


Also, the choice of a Machette as a close combat weapon is a good one. Excellent for cutting off Zombies heads. A crowbar also makes for an excellent multi-purpose weapon, which is able to crack open Zombie skulls as well as serve it's usual function.

A .357 Magnum is however, a poor choice of long ranged weaponry when fighting Zombies, for at least two reasons I can think of:

1. It makes a tremendous amount of noise. Any time you use this weapon, dozens or hundreds of Zombies will be drawn to you.
2. .357 caliber bullets are comparitively rarer than most standard firearm bullets out there. You will quickly find yourself out of ammunition quite quickly.

A much better choice would be a basic .22 rimfire rifle. It's ammunition is abundant throughout the United States, and the rest of the world. Many gun users will be very familiar with its operation, and non-gun users can quite easily learn to use one. It is quieter, comparitively speaking, than a Magnum. It is also relatively light to carry.


An SUV is also not a preferable mode of transportation. It's horrible fuel consumption will mean you will be left walking a long time before you are out of danger. It is also susceptible to all of the dangers of driving a normal car during a Zombie invasion. Tires make become flat, or you can run into terrain that will be unpassable. Windows will be broken into from outside.

A better choice of transportation is in fact the often overlooked Bicycle. It can traverse a much greater range of terrain than a car, will never run out of fuel, can be carried anywhere it cannot go, and is capable of weaving through streets full of Zombies and abandoned cars.

excellent advice!

firearms of any sort are mostly useless against a zombie invasion. you will only ever have a limited supply of bullets and bullets are not "lethal" to zombies, you have to remove their heads. keep a shotgun if you already have one with a supply of shells.

relying on cars is a big mistake (as you indicate). they get caught up in traffic jams and require frequent refueling. they will become death traps.

the best stationary defensive location is the second floor of a building when you can remove the stair access to the second floor and hide up there. although any fortress can become a death trap when you cant forage for food and water.

Cars can also be used in other ways, whether it's running the horde down or creating a large metal barricade.

Barricade's are perhaps the best use of cars in a Zombie crisis. Running down a horde of zombies with one, however, would probably be a suicide mission. Eventually a large enough concentration of zombies would weigh down the car, and they'd smash in the windows.

If available, armoured cars, AFV's and MBT's would be preferable for horde-running.

Good idea concerning the stairs, Ashmoria. Burn them down, and they can't get up.

Shotguns are also excellent crowd control weapons, if you are ever in a position where you are forced to face several zombies in close quarters.

Very good points, Fudk. Dirt bikes come with a number of advantages afforded by bikes. And if you could somehow find a reliable way of recharging the batteries, that'd be very good.

However, dirt bikes couldn't be carried as easily as a pedal bike if you had to traverse terrain that the bike couldn't get through, such as waist-deep rivers and dense forest.

Also, most Zombies aren't as fast as humans, period. It's one of the only advantages we have against them. You can almost always outrun a zombie. However, they do have unlimited stamina, and so you must remain on the move.

A good idea would be to bring a bicycle with you in/on the car. Drive till you run out of fuel/get to unpassable terrain then on yer bike, son.

Barricade's are perhaps the best use of cars in a Zombie crisis. Running down a horde of zombies with one, however, would probably be a suicide mission. Eventually a large enough concentration of zombies would weigh down the car, and they'd smash in the windows.

If available, armoured cars, AFV's and MBT's would be preferable for horde-running.

Good idea concerning the stairs, Ashmoria. Burn them down, and they can't get up.

Shotguns are also excellent crowd control weapons, if you are ever in a position where you are forced to face several zombies in close quarters.

Thinking you can get by with just a melee weapon is going to get people killed. Sure they don't run out of ammo or make as much noise, but they're fucking tiring to use. If you're up against more than 3 or 4 zombies then trying to fight them off with any kind of melee weapon will just get you killed.

More important that what you have in terms of equipment is WHO you have in terms of teammates. History has shown that even the most primitive of clubs in the right hands, among a diciplined and coordinated team, can be more effective than a rabble with a bunch of rifles.

Therefore, I've already put together a list of people I'd want by my side.

- Bruce Campbell
- Simon Pegg
- Nick Frost
- George A. Romero
- Samuel L. Jackson
- That Guy from "Survivorman"
- The Mythbusters
- Max Brooks (Blessed be His name)
- Gordon Freeman
- A Chansey (Filling the role of the token cute teammate AND medic!)

Thinking you can get by with just a melee weapon is going to get people killed. Sure they don't run out of ammo or make as much noise, but they're fucking tiring to use. If you're up against more than 3 or 4 zombies then trying to fight them off with any kind of melee weapon will just get you killed.

Which is why your primary concern is not to engage zombies when given the opportunity, but to evade and keep distance from them at all times. Most times, you should be able to simply flee from zombies, but when it is inevitable that you must engage, then:

1. If it is a single zombie, the use of a melee weapon or silent ranged weapon is advised. It's quieter and will prevent the attraction of other zombies. Good silent ranged weapons are crossbows, however, these are typically uncommon.

2. Multiple zombies should be engaged at range with firearms, with Melee weapons only used if firearms become impractical.

If you're careful and lucky, you shouldn't have to meet significant numbers of zombies.

Good idea concerning the stairs, Ashmoria. Burn them down, and they can't get up.

hmmmm, it seems stupid to me to set fire to a building you're actually IN. People have died in house-fires.

Read World War Z (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_War_Z), flamin' awesome book.

hmmmm, it seems stupid to me to set fire to a building you're actually IN. People have died in house-fires.

Not only that, fire is not a good weapon to use against zombies. The only thing worse than a horde of the undead trying to eat your brain is a horde of the undead trying to eat your brain while on fire.

Zombies in Lansing?! I must defend the capitol!

Being in the Michigan National Guard I'd be down there anyway. Unfortunately my unit traded their tanks for HMMWVs a few years ago.

Still, I think a Mk 19 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mk_19) would put some serious hurting on a horde of zombies. Not to mention the M2 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M2_Browning_machine_gun) that's on my HMMWV.

[...]the best stationary defensive location is the second floor of a building when you can remove the stair access to the second floor and hide up there. although any fortress can become a death trap when you cant forage for food and water.

Better hope there are no bodies hidden in the upper floors of the building... Are you certain that there are no skelletons in the closet?

Edit: oh right, forgot the gunsmilies

:sniper::sniper::sniper::mp5::mp5::gundge::gundge::headbang::upyours: