NationStates Jolt Archive

A man is sentenced to 3 years probation for haing sex with his bicycle.

A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.

Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.

Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.

Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."

Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm

How can this possibly be a crime and if it is then surely our prosecutors have better things to do with their time.

Your thoughts please.

If he wasn't doing it public I don't see why anyone should care.

this is lolz...but I don't think the guy deserves to be prosecutes either...

If it was in public, I say the worse thing thing he should be charged with is indecent exposure. But...meh.

Who cares what the guy did? It was in his own home, so there's no reason to prosecute him for anything.

He was in a room, I doubt he should have legitimately been charged with indecent exposure or anything else.

But I think the judge recognized the absurdity of this case, and that is why he just got probation.

Can you imagine him violating the probation though? Say he gets drunk and rapes a girl, and then is brought into court, and you hear someone read "previously convicted for intercourse with a bicycle" and suddenly the girl in the courtroom who was just crying bursts out laughing at him.

That can't be right! Since when did Scotland have sherrifs...

So what, is this guy bisexual? ;)

/thread

Hehe, he was riding his bike indeed :D

So what, is this guy bisexual? ;)

So what, is this guy bisexual? ;)

*GROAN*

*GROAN*

Whoa... don't get too excited now.

Who cares what the guy did? It was in his own home, so there's no reason to prosecute him for anything.

Unless he lived at the Aberley House Hostel then I very much doubt it was his own home.

So what, is this guy bisexual? ;)

Ouch.

A man is sentenced to 3 years probation for haing sex with his bicycle.



http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm

How can this possibly be a crime and if it is then surely our prosecutors have better things to do with their time.

Your thoughts please.

I'm reminded of the cop who got off scot free for sexually assaulting a stripper. Apparently bicycles are more sexually fragile.

A man is sentenced to 3 years probation for haing sex with his bicycle.



http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm

How can this possibly be a crime and if it is then surely our prosecutors have better things to do with their time.

Your thoughts please.

roflcopter

On second thought, he'd probably have sex with the roflcopter too.

That was a bad joke...

How could a guy have 'sex' with a bike, a girl could... but a guy?

That can't be right! Since when did Scotland have sherrifs...
Since some time in the 12th century, so, quite some time. ;)

It does seem to be a bit of a disturbing ruling though, in my opinion. The 'offence' seems to be one of 'simulating sex' with an inanimate object in a private location, albeit that they've used the catch-all 'breach of the peace' charge to bring the prosecution. I'm sure similar charges could be brought against a lot of people once they start kicking down doors to find out what the good people of Ayr are up to, of an evening.

Nice to see that my home town is just as capable of random stupidity as anywhere else :p

The guy's a nut, but he wasn't hurting anyone. No punishment necessary.

What?!? A guy got arrested for pretending to have sex. With his MOTERCYCLE. What in the world are they gonna charge him with? The motercycle was never living, he was doing it in private, and the motercycle didn't object(see first statement of this sentance). What's next, Mastribation?

Perhaps the bicycle was underage ...

I remember this. This is an absolute travesty. How can having sex with an inaminate object that you own be illegal?!

How could a guy have 'sex' with a bike, a girl could... but a guy?

Umm same way as a girl can I guess, stick summit in some hole?

Isn't it time for the media to stop pedalling this filth.

She was asking for it officer!!
She? so it was a girl's bike then?

She? so it was a girl's bike then?

Arn't all modes of transport feminine?

Arn't all modes of transport feminine?

usually. But in the case of Bicycles, there is a distiction between a Girl's Bike and a Boy's Bike.

Girls Bike
http://www.velokit.co.uk/productimages/CMP219_01.jpg

Boy's Bike
http://www.velokit.co.uk/productimages/CBC216_01.jpg

The difference is the crossbar between the seat and the handle. Girls are placed lower due to the fact that girls and women might be wearing a dress/skirt and the normal higher bar would either interfere with the pedling or force the hem high enough to give people some... fan service.

usually. But in the case of Bicycles, there is a distiction between a Girl's Bike and a Boy's Bike.

Girls Bike
http://www.velokit.co.uk/productimages/CMP219_01.jpg

Boy's Bike
http://www.velokit.co.uk/productimages/CBC216_01.jpg

The difference is the crossbar between the seat and the handle. Girls are placed lower due to the fact that girls and women might be wearing a dress/skirt and the normal higher bar would either interfere with the pedling or force the hem high enough to give people some... fan service.


Ahh yes you are right of course, but I did not mean the gender of the people using them, but the veheciles them selfs.

If a man sails a boat, the boat is still called a she huh!

Ahh yes you are right of course, but I did not mean the gender of the people using them, but the veheciles them selfs.

If a man sails a boat, the boat is still called a she huh!

Vehicles are genderless. so it's whatever the owner wants it to be. My cousin referrs to her boat as a male. "he" "him" etc... but I think it's more because while it does keep her afloat... she still has to steer him in the right direction. :p

Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.
Oh yeah, watch out for this guy, he might jump you from behind some bushes while you are out riding your bike and rape [I][your bike/I].

Isn't it time for the media to stop pedalling this filth.
*Facepalm*

Oh, content. Erm... Bicycle porn for the win?

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."
I don't get this at all. He seems to be being absurdly judgemental about the moral aspect of the case where he surely has no right to be. I mean it's a sliding scale. I don't think people have been convicted if the cleaner happens to walk in on them having sex. Ditto masturbating. A bicycle isn't a huge step up from a dildo on that scale.

The only possible explanation is that the sherriff himself harbours lewd thoughts relating to bicycles, and like homosexuals in power have been known to do, feels that by stenuously condemning such behaviour noone will suspect him of carrying the same 'perversion'.

Crime equals money - the courts cost the probation costs ect...

regardless of the extent of the act crime pays the bills for gov't - more laws - more offenders- more fines and costs.

Do you think he had a bannana seat on that bike? was he really bi-ke-sexual?
What does he use to lube his chain? did he have his pant cuff shoved in his sock?

Come on, people!
Can't you see things from the victims point of view? The poor thing will have to live with that trauma the rest of it's life! The man deserves a far harsher sentence.

Come on, people!
Can't you see things from the victims point of view? The poor thing will have to live with that trauma the rest of it's life! The man deserves a far harsher sentence.

Oh come on, a housekeeper, not a child nun, you see worse on TV, driving past the farm animals, in the mirror. grow some skin

Oh come on, a housekeeper, not a child nun, you see worse on TV, driving past the farm animals, in the mirror. grow some skin
I'm not talking about the maid. She was the witness, not the victim. I'm talking about that poor bike!

I'm not talking about the maid. She was the witness, not the victim. I'm talking about that poor bike!

Umm what does grow some skin mean? Is he wishing you to get serises or summit do you think?

Umm what does grow some skin mean? Is he wishing you to get serises or summit do you think?I'm just a little worried about that lack of reading comprehension he has. Oh, and the broken sarcasm meter.:D Gotta have that fixed. Even online I'd have that'd come across to anyone with better than a double digit IQ.

Ahh yes you are right of course, but I did not mean the gender of the people using them, but the veheciles them selfs.

If a man sails a boat, the boat is still called a she huh!

Vehicles are genderless. so it's whatever the owner wants it to be. My cousin referrs to her boat as a male. "he" "him" etc... but I think it's more because while it does keep her afloat... she still has to steer him in the right direction. :p

Umm what does grow some skin mean? Is he wishing you to get serises or summit do you think?

Serises as in Psoriasis?

well the guy loves his bike :rolleyes:

I'm not talking about the maid. She was the witness, not the victim. I'm talking about that poor bike!

I think the bike liked it, if not it could have just put its kick stand down or rung its bell for help

Come on, people!
Can't you see things from the victims point of view? The poor thing will have to live with that trauma the rest of it's life! The man deserves a far harsher sentence.

it's true. Witnesses say the bike has a length of chain for protection. the poor thing must've been really traumatized by it's experience.

Oh yeah...sex with bicycles is perfectly fine and acceptable...

Oh yeah...sex with bicycles is perfectly fine and acceptable...

Its simply masturbation via proxy.

*gets out bike tire pump*

Maybe it was a kids bike, which makes him a bike-paedophile?

Maybe it was a kids bike, which makes him a bike-paedophile?

a pedal-phile?

The sheriff must have been bored- that's the only justification I can see for pursuing this case, which just may win the award for "Oddest News Story of the Year."

girl bikes, boy bikes fine ..but nobody wants to talk about the hidden dirty little secret... Tricycles!!!! eewwww....

The sheriff must have been bored- that's the only justification I can see for pursuing this case, which just may win the award for "Oddest News Story of the Year."

Agreed. If I were the Sheriff, I'd have walked back out after saying, "Carry on then." It's creepy, but hardly a serious crime to be drunk and making sexual advances on a bicycle. I'd prefer that drunk people make those sorts of advances on their own inanimate objects rather than trying to rape a person.

I wonder if he was playing Queen's bicycle song in the background!

I'd prefer that drunk people make those sorts of advances on their own inanimate objects rather than trying to rape a person.

^ QFT

I found a picture of the guys bike seat.

http://www.derri-air.com/extra-deep-relief-zone.htm

You know buddy, when you want to take a ride on the Town Bicycle, you're not supposed to take that expression literally.

a pedal-phile?

Indeed. :)