NationStates Jolt Archive

Shopping centre Santas are being urged to go on strike, if they are banned from saying "Ho Ho Ho."

Recruitment company Westaff has instructed its Santas at Australian malls to tone it down, or say "Ha Ha Ha" instead. It believes "Ho Ho Ho" might scare the children, and it is now feared the same New Zealand company will follow suit.

Associate Professor John Kirkland of Massey University has studied the effects Christmas has on children.

He says it is normal for a child to be nervous or even frightened of a shopping mall Santa... but ditching "Ho Ho Ho" is over-the-top. He believes the recruitment company has lost the plot, and hopes Westaff New Zealand does not follow in the footsteps of its Australian division.

John Kirkland says when the real Santa finds out about this - he is going to be mad.


(link (http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/1/story.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10475747))

The children! Think of the children!! :p

http://img135.imageshack.us/img135/2350/16mosscarysantavy3.jpg

http://img138.imageshack.us/img138/4149/20933404yj4.jpg

http://img138.imageshack.us/img138/3893/scarysanta45gq4.jpg

http://img117.imageshack.us/img117/401/evil20santast1.jpg

Yes, because we all know it's much less frightening for Santa to sound like he's doing some kind of villainous, mocking laugh at children than to say "Ho, Ho, Ho". This is, by a wide margin, one of the stupidest things I have heard in a long time.

Yes, because we all know it's much less frightening for Santa to sound like he's doing some kind of villainous, mocking laugh at children than to say "Ho, Ho, Ho". This is, by a wide margin, one of the stupidest things I have heard in a long time.

seconded

and people wonder why the next crop of kids are going to be wimps and pussies. :rolleyes:

Red is too scary for children. They might think it was to hide the blood. From now on Santa must dress in a white jumpsuit.
And be skinny. Fat Santas are encourage obesity.
And he has to lose the beard. Beards went out of style in the 1400's.

I stand by my statement that "Ho ho ho!" coems from Santa's years as a pimp. *hides*

Red is too scary for children. They might think it was to hide the blood. From now on Santa must dress in a white jumpsuit.

Red is hardly his traditional colours. Coca-cola saw it on a Xmas card and decided to popularise it as a means to further their brand. Before that, Father Christmas's favourite colour was green, IIRC.

I don't think Santa should have his hos anywhere near kids. If it's absolutely necessary, maybe he should refer to them as Bitch, Bitch, and Bitch.






This has been a test of the Katganistan sarcastic humor system. If you were unable to ascertain that this is ONLY a test, please report to Lunatic Goofballs for a humor transplant. Thank you.
:D

And be skinny. Fat Santas are encourage obesity.

Been beat to it.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=491770&in_page_id=1770

I don't think Santa should have his hos anywhere near kids. If it's absolutely necessary, maybe he should refer to them as Bitch, Bitch, and Bitch.

But that's already the name of one of the rein deers.

Before that, Father Christmas's favourite colour was green, IIRC.

Quite so.

http://www.solsup.com.au/greenman/emeraldsanta.jpeg

http://www.solsup.com.au/greenman/oldsanta.jpeg

Damn Coca Cola with its communist propaganda! :p

Quite so.

http://www.solsup.com.au/greenman/emeraldsanta.jpeg

http://www.solsup.com.au/greenman/oldsanta.jpeg

Damn Coca Cola with its communist propaganda! :p

You know....I actually like this version of Santa better....

Green Santa looks pretty badass.

Been beat to it.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=491770&in_page_id=1770
From that article:
http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/11_01/SantaBootCampSWNS_468x382.jpg
It would seem as though our Ex-Iraqi-ex-dictator friend has been reincarnated into the spirit of Christmas (left foreground).

You know....I actually like this version of Santa better....

Me too.

Quite so.

http://www.solsup.com.au/greenman/emeraldsanta.jpeg

http://www.solsup.com.au/greenman/oldsanta.jpeg



Santa the fenian......I like it.

Green Santa looks pretty badass.
That's because he is a ninja.


Santa Claus - Level 15 Druid

Santa Claus - Level 15 Druid

Now then, you can't automatically label everyone with a beard, hat, staff and animal companions a druid. Thats unfair stereotyping, that is. He could be an acrobat.

This is just silly. What if a child wants hos for Christmas! What will Santa say?!

Please! Won't somebody think of Santa?!

Now then, you can't automatically label everyone with a beard, hat, staff and animal companions a druid. Thats unfair stereotyping, that is. He could be an acrobat.

Indeed, and who's to say they're even animal companions? Perhaps the reindeer are his summoned familiars - or rather, familiar who can clone self.
Then he could be a sorcerer!

Ho, ho, ho! Pimpin' at it's finest!

Coca Cola ruined Santa. Damn commies!!!

Coca Cola ruined Santa. Damn commies!!!

Still, red Santa is far superior to Pepsi's Blue Santa.

Blue Santa is just wrong. :(

Corrupting our children...

Blue Santa is just wrong. :(

Corrupting our children...

My parents got me a blue santa hat at some point. It's really itchy, and the white ball thingy at the top is gone. And it's too tight. I hates it, I do.

The Santa statue on my window sill is Black.

Now that is a true corruption of Santa. Did I mention his damn outfit resembles that of a pimp?

What are they trying to teach our children? That Santa is a pimp with 18 children and drives a Cadillac slay on 24s? Utterly wrong. Just utterly WRONG I say!

Blue Santa is just wrong. :(

Corrupting our children...

I prefer the pink Santa anyway.

http://img106.imageshack.us/img106/9871/tbdwg7.jpg

Now THAT's what I call corrupting our children. :D

Mrs. Claus is smokin'

Mrs. Claus is smokin'

That's Ms. Claus, their daughter.

That's Ms. Claus, their daughter.

Mr. Claus goes to the nice kids. Ms. Claus goes to the naughty (and older) ones.

Oh, god...

*slams head into desk repeatedly*

Mr. Claus goes to the nice kids. Ms. Claus goes to the naughty (and older) ones.
I hear she plans on making some change in the family business. Instead of you sitting on her lap, she'll sit on yours.
Oh, god...

*slams head into desk repeatedly*

Stop that, you're scaring the children!

You know....I actually like this version of Santa better....

Red Santa looks like he's covered in the blood of obnoxious children.

I hear she plans on making some change in the family business. Instead of you sitting on her lap, she'll sit on yours.


:D

Red Santa looks like he's covered in the blood of obnoxious children.

Strangely enough, I'd never thought of that...

I suppose Blue Santa is covered in the blood of obnoxious royal children. *nods*

It's absolutely detestable how adults underestimate and pamper children. They're a lot more resistant to psychological trauma than is often believed, and while I don't necessarily advocate having porn or graphic violence in children's shows or anything like that, this is just insulting.

Not that this hasn't happened before. We used to have a cool Santa, but then they had to go and screw it up:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joulupukki

Joulupukki's Dark Side?

Pagan people used to have festivities to ward off evil spirits. In Finland these spirits of darkness wore goat skins and horns. In the beginning this creature didn't give presents but demanded them. The Christmas Goat was an ugly creature and frightened children.

It is unclear how this personality was transformed into the benevolent Father Christmas. Nowadays the only remaining feature is the name. The process was probably a continuous amalgamation of many old folk customs and beliefs from varied sources. One can speak of a Christmas pageant tradition consisting of many personages with roles partly Christian, partly pagan: A white-bearded saint, the Devil, demons, house gnomes. Nowadays the Joulupukki of Finland resembles the American Santa Claus.

Popular radio programs from the year 1927 onwards probably had great influence in reformatting the concept with the Santa-like costume, reindeer and Korvatunturi (Mount Ear, near Polar Circle) as its dwelling place. Because there really are reindeer in Finland, and Finns live up North, the popular American cult took root in Finland very fast. Maybe some caring soul decided that Joulupukki is just too scary for little kids.

Today, Finland is one of the few countries where kids actually see Father Christmas in the act of delivering the presents.

Another old picture:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/0a/Santaandgoat.gif

We used to have a cool Santa, but then they had to go and screw it up:



The US-based Coca-Cola Santa Claus was designed by the son of Finnish emigrant, Haddon Sundblom.


Damn him. :(

It's a real shame that "today Joulupukki looks and behaves mostly like his American version" (wiki). The Finns invent it, send it to the US, and adopt a return Americanised version...

From that article:
http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/11_01/SantaBootCampSWNS_468x382.jpg
It would seem as though our Ex-Iraqi-ex-dictator friend has been reincarnated into the spirit of Christmas (left foreground).

:eek:
I first clicked on the link without reading your post, and was surprised when I read it and was thinking the same exact thing.

I think we should really be teaching children that there is no fat,red,druid pimp who invades their home every year.

The older Santa gets, the cooler he looks. The one in China Phenomenon's post makes me want to fill up a big ass bowl of mead and kick back in front of a fire with a mutton leg.

Click Stand;13213581']I think we should really be teaching children that there is no fat,red,druid pimp who invades their home every year.

Why?

Wait a minute! "Ho ho ho" is scary?
















And here was me thinking people would ban it for promoting child prostitution.

Wait a minute! "Ho ho ho" is scary?

:eek:

Holy Christmas! Don't say that!
It makes my stomach rumble in fear like a bowlfull of jelly.

:eek:

Holy Christmas! Don't say that!
It makes my stomach rumble in fear like a bowlfull of jelly.

Actually, that would be your "bowel" full of jelly. A bit more disturbing than what is currently thought of it as saying.

The reason why it is "bowel" is that on christmas, if a person was bad(Young or old), they had their bowels filled with colored jelly.

Hence why we use fireworks on New Year's Eve, as well.

:D

Actually, that would be your "bowel" full of jelly. A bit more disturbing than what is currently thought of it as saying.

The reason why it is "bowel" is that on christmas, if a person was bad(Young or old), they had their bowels filled with colored jelly.

Hence why we use fireworks on New Year's Eve, as well.

:D

:p

http://www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/customs/Xmas/pics/fath.jpg

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/8/8e/250px-FatherChristmastrial.jpg

Ever notice how the news always reports about Catholic priests molesting kids? But never a single word about how much molestation Santa does?

It's a conspiracy.

Why?

Emotional trauma?

I can't imagine the feeling of knowing that some fat old guy will come into my house with a 45% chance of molestation.

Click Stand;13213886']Emotional trauma?

I can't imagine the feeling of knowing that some fat old guy will come into my house with a 45% chance of molestation.

That's why you put out the milk and cookies! So he doesn't molest you!

That's why you put out the milk and cookies! So he doesn't molest you!

Pfft. Motion sensors and automated high density lasers. Core the bastard, steal his sleigh and goodies. Then go on a worldwide raid of people's homes.

LG would love it for the sheer potential to deliver wedgies across the globe in a single night.

How lame.

I'd be scared too if I was sitting in the lap of some crazy guy in a beard for a picture.

Its because Santa is just a cover name for SATAN!

http://www.av1611.org/othpubls/images/santa_as_satan.gif

http://www.av1611.org/othpubls/images/santa3d.jpg

:eek:

Me too.

Me too.

I prefer the pink Santa anyway.

*snip ms. Santa*

Now THAT's what I call corrupting our children. :D

I'd pull her sleigh ...

I'd pull her sleigh ...

"I'd hitch up her reindeer..."
"I'd give her gifts.."
"I'd climb down her chimney..."
"I'd drink her milk and eat her cookies..."

This is some crazy stuff here..

(link (http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/1/story.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10475747))

The children! Think of the children!! :p

http://img135.imageshack.us/img135/2350/16mosscarysantavy3.jpg

http://img138.imageshack.us/img138/4149/20933404yj4.jpg

http://img138.imageshack.us/img138/3893/scarysanta45gq4.jpg

http://img117.imageshack.us/img117/401/evil20santast1.jpg

Santa was created by man.....he rebelled..... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRN1gpPHZXU) :eek: Santa is a ninja (http://ninjasanta.ytmnd.com/) with a plan.... (http://santaarmy.ytmnd.com/)

"I'd hitch up her reindeer..."
"I'd give her gifts.."
"I'd climb down her chimney..."
"I'd drink her milk and eat her cookies..."

This is some crazy stuff here..

For you, apparently. Your grasp of analogy just left the building ...

"Me and Prancer would fly her over the moon"
"I'd be good all year just to get a plastic toy from her"
"I'd let her climb down my chimney"
*lol* I'll pay that one, though ... :)

OK, I'm a bit weird. It was the thought of putting the antlers on and waggling my behind at her while she hit me with a whip that was really doing it for me ...

For you, apparently. Your grasp of analogy just left the building ...

"Me and Prancer would fly her over the moon"
"I'd be good all year just to get a plastic toy from her"
"I'd let her climb down my chimney"
*lol* I'll pay that one, though ... :)

Ah.. the picture distracted me.. my analogy did essentially leave the building.

OK, I'm a bit weird. It was the thought of putting the antlers on and waggling my behind at her while she hit me with a whip that was really doing it for me ...
Its all good.

Its all good.

:). I've actually seen a few female Santas, but they dress in the scarey red and sometimes they have the big white beard as well. It's ... confusing. They're always too young, too.

:). I've actually seen a few female Santas, but they dress in the scarey red and sometimes they have the big white beard as well. It's ... confusing. They're always too young, too.

I can imagine.

We should help liberate female Santas of the patriarchal system which forces them to wear bulky red suits and beards. In the name of Progress...of course.

Click Stand;13213886']Emotional trauma?

I can't imagine the feeling of knowing that some fat old guy will come into my house with a 45% chance of molestation.

Would it really be better if he was a slim, young guy coming to your house with a 45% chance of molestation?

Would it really be better if he was a slim, young guy coming to your house with a 45% chance of molestation?

No, but if it was Ms. Claus, I wouldn't complain.

Ms Clause is an old lady. :eek:

http://img106.imageshack.us/img106/9871/tbdwg7.jpg

Their daughter you silly man. :p

No, but if it was Ms. Claus, I wouldn't complain.

Ms Clause is an old lady. :eek:

No, but if it was Ms. Claus, I wouldn't complain.

First thing: It's MRS. Claus. Nobody divorces Santa and lives longer than three seconds. It just doesn't happen.

Second thing: Mrs. Claus is old and wrinkly, like this grape I found behind the fridge. Well, it was white when I found it and green when I bought the damn grapes. You would have to be desperate or sick or Santa to want her. You sick, sick bastard.

HO HO MY!

http://www.3wishes.com/images/mrsclaus-jv.jpg

Mrs. Claus is obviously Santa's wife. Ms Claus would be their daughter.

Reading comprehension is good for everyone.

Mrs. Claus is obviously Santa's wife. Ms Claus would be their daughter.

Reading comprehension is good for everyone.

Do you know how OLD Santa and his wife are? Any surviving child they might have had while still furtile would be in the triple digits agewise, if not quadruple digits. Shriviled up like a raisen. Not Santa. His enormous mass stretches out the skin, which leads to no wrinkles.

Santa is a ninja (http://ninjasanta.ytmnd.com/) with a plan.... (http://santaarmy.ytmnd.com/)

He ain't a ninja.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/207951

Do you know how OLD Santa and his wife are? Any surviving child they might have had while still furtile would be in the triple digits agewise, if not quadruple digits. Shriviled up like a raisen. Not Santa. His enormous mass stretches out the skin, which leads to no wrinkles.

If we're going with story fables, a daughter of any homely couple, of which Santa and Mrs Santa would be, would be immortalized at age 18-22.

If we're going with story fables, a daughter of any homely couple, of which Santa and Mrs Santa would be, would be immortalized at age 18-22.

But if Santa leaves the Kingdom of Fables for the World of Legends, such a rule would be rendered void. Hell, I think the King of Fables voided it three years ago after Storybook War III. It was a very bloody war. Skulls now stand where flowers and sunshine once stood. The whole landscape was poisoned after the use of biological and chemical weapons.

The rule has been voided and Ms. Claus has aged considerably. Father Time and Mother Nature are mean like that.

But if Santa leaves the Kingdom of Fables for the World of Legends, such a rule would be rendered void. Hell, I think the King of Fables voided it three years ago after Storybook War III. It was a very bloody war. Skulls now stand where flowers and sunshine once stood. The whole landscape was poisoned after the use of biological and chemical weapons.

The rule has been voided and Ms. Claus has aged considerably. Father Time and Mother Nature are mean like that.

Considering that Saint Nick is still up and about despite being over several centuries running, capable of performing near light speed operations, defies physical laws, I believe time has stopped for him.

In fact, I think that may be the trick to it. The faster you approach speed of light, the slower perceived time is for the speeder. Mr Claus may be several centuries old to us, but to his body, he's a feisty 50-60 years. And since his wife apparently doesn't show up in the annual globe trotting event, but has not been shown to have met her demise, we can only theorize that the North Pole facility is actually a closed loop system traveling at or near light speeds.

Logic dictates that the most likely residence of Ms Claus would then be at the North Pole facility, meaning that she too benefits from the time dilation that living on a near light speed vessel would provide.

That's why all the fables died out, and Claus still persists. He had this tricked out shelter built for the war you mentioned.

This thread got weird fast. :D

I say we've got Christmas Denial already.

Considering that Saint Nick is still up and about despite being over several centuries running, capable of performing near light speed operations, defies physical laws, I believe time has stopped for him.

In fact, I think that may be the trick to it. The faster you approach speed of light, the slower perceived time is for the speeder. Mr Claus may be several centuries old to us, but to his body, he's a feisty 50-60 years. And since his wife apparently doesn't show up in the annual globe trotting event, but has not been shown to have met her demise, we can only theorize that the North Pole facility is actually a closed loop system traveling at or near light speeds.

Logic dictates that the most likely residence of Ms Claus would then be at the North Pole facility, meaning that she too benefits from the time dilation that living on a near light speed vessel would provide.

That's why all the fables died out, and Claus still persists. He had this tricked out shelter built for the war you mentioned.

You do realize that the time thing only works for Santa since Santa is the only one going at light speed. Besides, once you hit 95, you technically stop aging for the most part. Everything after that is simple wear and tear.

You do realize that the time thing only works for Santa since Santa is the only one going at light speed. Besides, once you hit 95, you technically stop aging for the most part. Everything after that is simple wear and tear.

That's why I said the facility itself travels at translight speeds. Most likely it's something similar to a ferris wheel.

Unless Santa is really a self sustaining gift robotic entity from an ancient civilization (which would explain his durability at translight speeds), or some kind of immortal (wherein then age wouldn't really matter), he is human like the rest of us, and has a lifespan that cannot exceed the maximum limit of his system. There would be so many genetic errors in his cell subdivision after so long, he's more likely to resemble Cthulu than a human being. He cannot age normally and still be the same dude he claims to be.

Or maybe, just maybe, Santa is really a Phoenix. Once a year, his aged body gets into the sleigh, and streaks across the sky at translight speeds, friction enveloping his body in a plasma bath, reducing him to component atoms from which he will return from, rejuvenated and young once more.

That's why I said the facility itself travels at translight speeds. Most likely it's something similar to a ferris wheel.

You've been taking Goofball Physics, haven't you?

Unless Santa is really a self sustaining gift robotic entity from an ancient civilization (which would explain his durability at translight speeds), or some kind of immortal (wherein then age wouldn't really matter), he is human like the rest of us, and has a lifespan that cannot exceed the maximum limit of his system. There would be so many genetic errors in his cell subdivision after so long, he's more likely to resemble Cthulu than a human being. He cannot age normally and still be the same dude he claims to be.

Uh ... sorry, but you've overlooked a simple fact. The only evidence for the existence of this mythical sky being is the appearance of presents in stockings. Even that is bit controversial -- I've been staking out the stocking since I was six or seven, but I always seem to fall asleep and miss seeing Santa.

Anyway, the point I'm making is that Santa only exists on Christmas Eve. Therefore, the thousands of our years that he has been known to do his fun thing is really, in his time, only thousands of days.

This arrangement with Father Time (who isn't strictly a 'father', being transsexual) used to be common but nowadays is only used by trolls and other "mythical" creatures, and real-estate agents, who call it a "Time-Share."

This arcane knowledge is usually only available to novitiates of the Third Eye of Bullshit, but we have a new member drive on at the moment, and you got lucky.

You've been taking Goofball Physics, haven't you?

I imagine somewhere, out there, LG has plans for a tiny translight ferris wheel.


Uh ... sorry, but you've overlooked a simple fact. The only evidence for the existence of this mythical sky being is the appearance of presents in stockings. Even that is bit controversial -- I've been staking out the stocking since I was six or seven, but I always seem to fall asleep and miss seeing Santa.

Santa's got KO gas. He pumps it down the chimney for those pesky wide awake kids. :p


This arrangement with Father Time (who isn't strictly a 'father', being transsexual) used to be common but nowadays is only used by trolls and other "mythical" creatures, and real-estate agents, who call it a "Time-Share."


So far, my time share condo doesn't allow me to step out of the time stream. I've been scammed. :p

Santa's got KO gas. He pumps it down the chimney for those pesky wide awake kids. :p


That explains so much. Why did nobody ever realise this? :p

Westaff is now denying the whole thing (http://www.cbc.ca/consumer/story/2007/11/15/ho-ho.html).

Now then, you can't automatically label everyone with a beard, hat, staff and animal companions a druid. Thats unfair stereotyping, that is. He could be an acrobat.

Come on, the green Santa even decks himself out in mistletoe so he's never without his spell components!









Damn I'm a geek.