NationStates Jolt Archive

Something Smunkee said in the Klan thread got me thinking... and it was entirely off topic so I am reposting her post here...

There was a "news story" a few weeks ago about a local church "trying to reach out to second lifers" and so they have church services on second life.......and the whole tone of the report was that people go on second life for group sex and to cheat on their spouses and such....so now, every three or four days, some idiot who knows that I am "on the interwebs" thinks I am having group sex and cheating on my husband in some ungodly electronic way.

I tried to explain to one once that I used to know someone who would go to work and have sex and cheat on his spouse there (like literally at work) so now I think they do that too, you know since probably cheating with someone you know IRL is a lot easier and more common than you know......people I talk to on this forum.

(I don't even play second life btw, it sounds idiotic)

OK... my question is, is it really cheating if you go on line and have "sex" with someone? If it is someone that you will never meet in person, have no desire to meet, just talk to on line?

Personally, I think not, but that it is just a fantasy you happen to be sharing with someone. But what are your thoughts?

OK... my question is, is it really cheating if you go on line and have "sex" with someone? If it is someone that you will never meet in person, have no desire to meet, just talk to on line?

Personally, I think not, but that it is just a fantasy you happen to be sharing with someone. But what are your thoughts?
It's between you and your partner.

You and your partner are the only people who get to define what "cheating" is in your relationship. If your partner feels that this kind of online fantasy is cheating, then you're cheating on your partner if you engage in it. If your partner is okay with it and doesn't feel it's cheating, then it's not.

Second Life, cybersex, etc. is a pretty serious gray area. Maybe, maybe not, but I will say this - it's probably neglect, and that can be just as bad.

its not cheating any more than flirting with someone at work is cheating.

but its not just harmless fun any more than flirting with someone at work is just harmless fun.

Having any kind of sexual interaction with someone who is not your significant other is not cheating under these circumstances and these circumstances alone:
You and your significant other have agreed that you both find it acceptable.
You are sexually interacting with yourself, alone.
That is all.

I've never used it, but I think treating Second Life like you would any item of Pornography is probably the safest approach. If you have a significant other, and you want to enjoy it together, that's fine, but it's probably a dangerous sign if you're doing it behind their back.

Something Smunkee said in the Klan thread got me thinking... and it was entirely off topic so I am reposting her post here...



OK... my question is, is it really cheating if you go on line and have "sex" with someone? If it is someone that you will never meet in person, have no desire to meet, just talk to on line?

Personally, I think not, but that it is just a fantasy you happen to be sharing with someone. But what are your thoughts?

If you feel like you're cheating on your SO while having cybersex, then yes, it's cheating.
If you know your SO would consider it cheating, then yes, it's cheating.

Cheating is whatever you in your relationship define as cheating. Me, I wouldn't call it cheating if my BF had sex with another woman, provided he told me about it. I would feel it's cheating if he tried to hide it.
Cheating is really a matter of definition, I think.

If you feel like you're cheating on your SO while having cybersex, then yes, it's cheating.
If you know your SO would consider it cheating, then yes, it's cheating.

In my experience, most people who ask if their behavior constitutes cheating are already pretty sure it is. They feel like they're cheating (though they are really trying to justify it and excuse it), and they're pretty damn sure their SO will consider it cheating, but they want somebody to tell them that the Big Book Of Rules gives them a loophole.

The cheater is mostly interested in being able to invoke this magic loophole when their partner confronts them about their cheating. They aren't actually concerned about whether their behavior is dishonest or hurtful, they're just worried about what they're going to do to escape punishment when they get caught.

In my experience, most people who ask if their behavior constitutes cheating are already pretty sure it is. They feel like they're cheating (though they are really trying to justify it and excuse it), and they're pretty damn sure their SO will consider it cheating, but they want somebody to tell them that the Big Book Of Rules gives them a loophole.

The cheater is mostly interested in being able to invoke this magic loophole when their partner confronts them about their cheating. They aren't actually concerned about whether their behavior is dishonest or hurtful, they're just worried about what they're going to do to escape punishment when they get caught.

Well said. I think to get a clear, binding, sensible answer to this question, Upper Botswavia shouldn't ask us but his SO, really. :)

It's between you and your partner.

You and your partner are the only people who get to define what "cheating" is in your relationship. If your partner feels that this kind of online fantasy is cheating, then you're cheating on your partner if you engage in it. If your partner is okay with it and doesn't feel it's cheating, then it's not.

QFT.

and to add on. this is why communication is also important between spouses/Partners/etc...

the other person may consider "Cybering" to be cheating but not looking at pics in a magazine.

If you feel like you're cheating on your SO while having cybersex, then yes, it's cheating.
If you know your SO would consider it cheating, then yes, it's cheating.

Cheating is whatever you in your relationship define as cheating. Me, I wouldn't call it cheating if my BF had sex with another woman, provided he told me about it. I would feel it's cheating if he tried to hide it.
Cheating is really a matter of definition, I think.
True. Hence, to me, it would be cheating. I'm not talking flirting, but actually having cybersex with someone is like having phonesex with someone and it definitely would be cheating for me, no matter if my boyfriend was the one who did it or I was.

Well said. I think to get a clear, binding, sensible answer to this question, Upper Botswavia shouldn't ask us but his SO, really. :)
Her. ;)

Her. ;)

Oops... :(

Something Smunkee said in the Klan thread got me thinking... and it was entirely off topic so I am reposting her post here...



OK... my question is, is it really cheating if you go on line and have "sex" with someone? If it is someone that you will never meet in person, have no desire to meet, just talk to on line?

Personally, I think not, but that it is just a fantasy you happen to be sharing with someone. But what are your thoughts?

Cheating in a sexual sense? No. Cheating in an abandonment of affections way, yes.

Why do we put so much emphasis on fidelity in regards to sex, but don't care if spouses can't talk to each other? Way I figure it if you're talking to someone on the side about your problems when you can't tell your spouse your marriage is just as doomed as if you both were fuckin around.

its not cheating any more than flirting with someone at work is cheating.

but its not just harmless fun any more than flirting with someone at work is just harmless fun.

It's really more like having phone sex with someone you know at work...


As for my opinion, I think it's a fuzzy area. I wouldn't mind my husband occasionally flirting in an online setting. I *would* mind him striking up a long-term romantic relationship in that setting, particularly if it took time away from our own relationship. I *would* mind cybersex and the like. And those are pretty much his limits as well.

Even if one is not physically cheating, it could still be considered an "emotional affair" because you're escaping into a fantasy.

It's between you and your partner.

You and your partner are the only people who get to define what "cheating" is in your relationship. If your partner feels that this kind of online fantasy is cheating, then you're cheating on your partner if you engage in it. If your partner is okay with it and doesn't feel it's cheating, then it's not.

I agree completely.

I've never seen the appeal of "sex" on Second Life, btw, and I've never tried it. I've been on Second Life a few times, mostly to engage in political discussions at the SL headquarters of France's various political parties, and to check out the official embassies in SL of Sweden and the Maldives.

I'm weird that way.

I agree completely.

I've never seen the appeal of "sex" on Second Life, btw, and I've never tried it. I've been on Second Life a few times, mostly to engage in political discussions at the SL headquarters of France's various political parties, and to check out the official embassies in SL of Sweden and the Maldives.

I'm weird that way.
Official embassies? Sex? What the hell goes on in this game? All I know of it is the title.

Official embassies? Sex? What the hell goes on in this game? All I know of it is the title.

Second Life is... strange. It's not a game, really. There are no quests or things like that. It's simply a virtual universe, mostly created by participants, where you can find... well, more or less anything.

Because it's so popular, big companies, national governments and various organisations have taken an interest. Because there's real money circulating in there, real companies set up shops in Second Life.

The BBC owns an island there. Reporters Without Borders has an office, which it uses to spread information to people within Second Life.

During the last French presidential election, several political parties (including all the major ones) set up headquarters in Second Life, to conduct political campaigning there. Ségolène Royal actually made a video inviting people to visit her SL HQ.

The Maldives was the first country to set up an official embassy in Second Life, to promote itself through an international medium, to attract tourists, and to raise awareness of its existence (which is under threat due to climate change). Then Sweden opened its own official embassy, inaugurated "in world" by a member of the Swedish government, who created an avatar for that purpose. The Swedish embassy is designed to promote knowledge of Swedish culture, mainly.

The Philippines started building an embassy, but never completed it. (At least they hadn't last time I logged in, about a month ago.)

Oh, and more recently Italian priests have suggested quite seriously that missionaries should be sent into Second Life. The Vatican said it was a very good idea, and that the Vatican was considering establishing an official presence there too. There were articles about it in the Italian press.

My god...we're watching the formation of the World right before our eyes...sooner or later it'll be a fully realized world of its own, with its own politics and wishes and dreams and so on and so forth...

OK... my question is, is it really cheating if you go on line and have "sex" with someone? If it is someone that you will never meet in person...interesting question..

a while ago.. after a quite-a-few drinks.. my friends took me to a place where I had to stick my penis inside a whole and keep it there for at least 2 minutes, or pay the $20 cover/wager. (you leave your ID at the coat check).. on the other hand if I leave it more than 5 minutes I get a free drink :D (dont remember the exact times, I was stoned-a-bit)

The only 2 things they tell me is that there is females on the other side and they won hurt my wii ;)

at one point some girl(i think) put a condom on my wii and I was :fluffle: fellated/intercoursed. They were laughing like crazy on the other side. You can hear them, but cant see anything.

So.. since its someone I never meet in person , i was not cheating right?

I saw a lecture recently about how a lab involved in rehabilitation medicine plans to use second life. You can reprogram the Wii controller and use it with a PC; anyone can get a free account on Second Life; and the virtual world is already set up so programming specific tasks takes less time.

As such, they plan on using SL and the Wii controller so that a person could meet with a physical therapist while staying at home and do tasks on the computer that would work on both their movement and cognitive abilities (one example was a Memory game where the person would point to the boxes with the Wii controller).

My god...we're watching the formation of the World right before our eyes...sooner or later it'll be a fully realized world of its own, with its own politics and wishes and dreams and so on and so forth...

It's certainly interesting to watch where it's going. I find it fascinating that businessmen, politicians and various organisations have all chosen to tap into it as a new medium of mass communication.

To give you an idea, here are a few pictures I took several months ago. (I've blanked out my avatar's name and appaerance. Yes, for privacy's sake. :p)

The first four pictures are the official headquarters of the French Socialist Party. The last picture is the official Swedish embassy (there are rooms inside, of course; it's rather like a museum).

http://img65.imageshack.us/img65/9995/tbdahi6.png

http://img405.imageshack.us/img405/4529/tbdbug9.png

http://img138.imageshack.us/img138/1442/tbdcej4.png

http://img405.imageshack.us/img405/1284/tbddth5.png

http://img138.imageshack.us/img138/6329/tbdetb3.png

Something Smunkee said in the Klan thread got me thinking... and it was entirely off topic so I am reposting her post here...



OK... my question is, is it really cheating if you go on line and have "sex" with someone? If it is someone that you will never meet in person, have no desire to meet, just talk to on line?

Personally, I think not, but that it is just a fantasy you happen to be sharing with someone. But what are your thoughts?

from what I understood of Wilgrove's OP it was a thread not about the Klan but about new stations doing sensationalized stories.

at one point some girl(i think) put a condom on my wii and I was :fluffle: fellated/intercoursed. They were laughing like crazy on the other side. You can hear them, but cant see anything.

So.. since its someone I never meet in person , i was not cheating right?
Kehehehehee...yeah cuz gloryholes are totally frequented by women, and not gay men :P

But yeah, got your point...

snip.

When I was little, that is exactly what I pictured the internet to be...

You can be sexual spoken some kind of liberal…

But I’m wondering how many women would like it, busting their husband, while he’s jerking-off and chatting with some woman on MSN…

I don’t have the idea that most men just could say:

“But honey, it’s only virtual, the real love is for you…”

What Bottle said.

General rule: if you hide it or lie about it, it's cheating.

When I was little, that is exactly what I pictured the internet to be...

Oh hush, you're still a child, you don't get to say 'when I was little' yet :D

Kehehehehee...yeah cuz gloryholes are totally frequented by women, and not gay men :P

But yeah, got your point...the staff lady that washed it.. the hands and the mouths .. I cant tell 100%, even if the laughs/voices were female-like, but..

the intercourse was a vagina. (I does not feel the same)

Gloryholes? is that how they call them? expensive too.. maybe because it was afterhours/underground.

You can be sexual spoken some kind of liberal…

But I’m wondering how many women would like it, busting their husband, while he’s jerking-off and chatting with some woman on MSN…

I don’t have the idea that most men just could say:

“But honey, it’s only virtual, the real love is for you…”

And some women could care less. What's your point.

Oh hush, you're still a child, you don't get to say 'when I was little' yet :D

Just cause you're ancient don't mean you gotta be hatin' >.>

And some women could care less. What's your point.

Sure. Some.

But I have some feeling it are just a few.

As a teenager I was once busted while masturbating.

My girlfriend at that time was in shock and she almost broke up immediately. :)

I never felt guilty, ‘cause I was just doing something most people are doing.

OK... my question is, is it really cheating if you go on line and have "sex" with someone? If it is someone that you will never meet in person, have no desire to meet, just talk to on line?

Personally, I think not, but that it is just a fantasy you happen to be sharing with someone. But what are your thoughts?

It's an iffy situation. I don't consider it cheating if it is with someone you have never met, and if it is not on a continuing basis with said same person.

On the other hand, if it is with someone you know, or have had a previous relationship with..I draw the line.

Something Smunkee said in the Klan thread got me thinking... and it was entirely off topic so I am reposting her post here...



OK... my question is, is it really cheating if you go on line and have "sex" with someone? If it is someone that you will never meet in person, have no desire to meet, just talk to on line?

Personally, I think not, but that it is just a fantasy you happen to be sharing with someone. But what are your thoughts?

Anything you do that you can't share with your spouse is cheating on them. Ever see those talk shows where a wife is freaked out that her husband likes to look at porn? He's cheating.

Ever see those interviews with porn stars where they have sex with 10 different guys in a day and her husband is the camera man? She's not cheating.

Cheating in a marriage, as cheating in a game, has to do with what the rules are. And of course, it's a good idea to decide on those rules ahead of time. And when you can't, you have to negotiate them all over again.

I don't see why it's hard to just accept that if within your relationship it's out of bounds, that regardless of how you might want to justify it...it's cheating.

I don't consider it cheating if it is with someone you have never met, and if it is not on a continuing basis with said same person.

On the other hand, if it is with someone you know, or have had a previous relationship with..I draw the line.thank for making it clear, Gloryhole bars are not cheating. :D

When I was little, that is exactly what I pictured the internet to be...

Hehe. And now your childhood dreams have come true. :p

When I was little, there was no Internet!

thank for making it clear, Gloryhole bars are not cheating. :D

lol..to make it more clear, I was talking about an ONLINE setting..:p

Sure. Some.

But I have some feeling it are just a few.

As a teenager I was once busted while masturbating.

My girlfriend at that time was in shock and she almost broke up immediately. :)

I never felt guilty, ‘cause I was just doing something most people are doing.
You were cheating on her with yourself :D

As a teenager I was once busted while masturbating.

My girlfriend at that time was in shock and she almost broke up immediately. :)

I never felt guilty, ‘cause I was just doing something most people are doing.
Well, you're doing something that people that don't have girlfriends are doing. When you're in a relationship, sexual tension (which, incidentally, should be less for you anyway) gets released through actual sex and/or cuddling/makeout sessions. Why would you ever resign yourself to masturbation when you could snuggle up on a sofa with your other half? That's what I don't get. It seems to seriously suggest there to be something wrong with the way you're relating to them, and that's probably how the other parties will take it.

Well, you're doing something that people that don't have girlfriends are doing. When you're in a relationship, sexual tension (which, incidentally, should be less for you anyway) gets released through actual sex and/or cuddling/makeout sessions. Why would you ever resign yourself to masturbation when you could snuggle up on a sofa with your other half? That's what I don't get. It seems to seriously suggest there to be something wrong with the way you're relating to them, and that's probably how the other parties will take it.

What a complete and utter load of shit.

I don't care how much sex I get, I still masturbate like crazy. No, you don't need to 'save it' only for the other person, and I certainly wouldn't be offended by my partner jerking off either. Although I'd love to help.

Well, you're doing something that people that don't have girlfriends are doing. When you're in a relationship, sexual tension (which, incidentally, should be less for you anyway) gets released through actual sex and/or cuddling/makeout sessions. Why would you ever resign yourself to masturbation when you could snuggle up on a sofa with your other half? That's what I don't get. It seems to seriously suggest there to be something wrong with the way you're relating to them, and that's probably how the other parties will take it.
Um, no.

My partner and I have a very happy and satisfying sex life, but we both still masturbate on a regular basis. Hasn't ever got in the way of relating to one another.

Also, cuddling on the couch is fantastic for its own reasons, but it's quite a bit different from masturbating. Completely different types of satisfaction.

I tried SL, twice, but I just couldn't get into it, meh, first off it just kept crashing, and second, I didn't know that much about building stuff, although I probably would've just brought a condo. Maybe if it didn't crash as much I would still be playing it, but whatever.

Um, no.

My partner and I have a very happy and satisfying sex life, but we both still masturbate on a regular basis. Hasn't ever got in the way of relating to one another.

Also, cuddling on the couch is fantastic for its own reasons, but it's quite a bit different from masturbating. Completely different types of satisfaction.
Meh. I just don't do it any more. No need to. Guess it's a case of different strokes for different folks.
*rimshot*
Yeah, I've totally been setting you guys up for that. =P

Something Smunkee said in the Klan thread got me thinking... and it was entirely off topic so I am reposting her post here...



OK... my question is, is it really cheating if you go on line and have "sex" with someone? If it is someone that you will never meet in person, have no desire to meet, just talk to on line?

Personally, I think not, but that it is just a fantasy you happen to be sharing with someone. But what are your thoughts?

Not any more then having sex with an NPC in a role-playing game is. If it's beyond character RP'ing, then it's cheating.

Just like pick-pocketing in video games isn't stealing, but if you actually use alter the codes to transfer players' money to your player, then it's stealing.

Well, you're doing something that people that don't have girlfriends are doing. When you're in a relationship, sexual tension (which, incidentally, should be less for you anyway) gets released through actual sex and/or cuddling/makeout sessions. Why would you ever resign yourself to masturbation when you could snuggle up on a sofa with your other half? That's what I don't get. It seems to seriously suggest there to be something wrong with the way you're relating to them, and that's probably how the other parties will take it.

Wahaha!

No, I'm pretty sane.

Most people still do it, .

Statistics say that 90% of humans are masturbating, even when they have a relationship

I was a teenager and the hell of a testostoron bomb.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Different studies have found that masturbation is frequent in humans. Alfred Kinsey's studies have shown that 92% of men and 62% of women have masturbated during lifespan.[12] Similar results have been found in British national probability survey. It was found that 95% of men and 71% of woman masturbated at some point in their lives. 73% of men and 37% of woman reported masturbating in the four weeks before their interview, while 53% of men and 18% of woman reported masturbating in previous seven days.[19]

Source:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masturbation#Masturbation_frequency.2C_age_and_sex

Well, you're doing something that people that don't have girlfriends are doing. When you're in a relationship, sexual tension (which, incidentally, should be less for you anyway) gets released through actual sex and/or cuddling/makeout sessions. Why would you ever resign yourself to masturbation when you could snuggle up on a sofa with your other half? That's what I don't get. It seems to seriously suggest there to be something wrong with the way you're relating to them, and that's probably how the other parties will take it.meh..
sometimes I masturbate my girlfriend.. with the vibrator.. she loves it. Sometimes she gets an orgasm without me taking out my jeans at all.

is there anything wrong with me?

Meh. I just don't do it any more. No need to. Guess it's a case of different strokes for different folks.
*rimshot*
Yeah, I've totally been setting you guys up for that. =P

Punny :D

is there anything wrong with me?



Yes. But your sexual behaviour is ok :p

Well, you're doing something that people that don't have girlfriends are doing. When you're in a relationship, sexual tension (which, incidentally, should be less for you anyway) gets released through actual sex and/or cuddling/makeout sessions. Why would you ever resign yourself to masturbation when you could snuggle up on a sofa with your other half? That's what I don't get. It seems to seriously suggest there to be something wrong with the way you're relating to them, and that's probably how the other parties will take it.

And even now, I'm older, I'm mid thirty, while I masturbate less, I’m still doing it. And I like it a lot.

Sure, when my girlfriend is around I don't do any masturbation at all.

But when she is not available…

It is up to you and your partner to mutually decide what is and isn't acceptable.

There is no national or worldwide standard for cheating or immorality.

Yes. But your sexual behaviour is ok :pgood.. because I would hate to cancel the expensive wii-controller (http://www.wiikings.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/12/wii-god.jpg) i ordered on-line for her. (yes i made this up)

Sure. Some.

But I have some feeling it are just a few.

As a teenager I was once busted while masturbating.

My girlfriend at that time was in shock and she almost broke up immediately. :)

I never felt guilty, ‘cause I was just doing something most people are doing.

When you look at the number of sex clubs and ads on adultfriendfinder for "couples seeking" I'd have to disagree.

meh..
sometimes I masturbate my girlfriend.. with the vibrator.. she loves it. Sometimes she gets an orgasm without me taking out my jeans at all.

is there anything wrong with me?

hmmm... not sure. Let me have the name, address and phone number of your girlfriend so I can run some experiments myself to determine if there's anything wrong with you. :D

hmmm... not sure. Let me have the name, address and phone number of your girlfriend so I can run some experiments myself to determine if there's anything wrong with you. :D(edited by ## ) post on hold, while double checking some rules.. yes i know my reply was just a Joke.

OK... my question is, is it really cheating if you go on line and have "sex" with someone?
But what are your thoughts?

Personally, I don't know if it is cheating.
But it is damn creepy.

As someone who spends a decent amount of time on SL, I'd like to point out that (just like the internet in general) most of it does NOT involve sex/hentai/etc.

Well said. I think to get a clear, binding, sensible answer to this question, Upper Botswavia shouldn't ask us but his SO, really. :)

I am a her, not a his... and I actually know the answer as it pertains to me... I was just wondering what other folks thought, not looking for support or justification or anything. :p

from what I understood of Wilgrove's OP it was a thread not about the Klan but about new stations doing sensationalized stories.

Yes, and your post was on topic, but the question I had wasn't, which is what I meant. :p

As someone who spends a decent amount of time on SL, I'd like to point out that (just like the internet in general) most of it does NOT involve sex/hentai/etc.

What version of the internet are you using?

Yes, and your post was on topic, but the question I had wasn't, which is what I meant. :p

:p forgiven for my misunderstanding

More importantly, if you were to have sex with your own clone...would that make you gay, or just masturbating?

More importantly, if you were to have sex with your own clone...would that make you gay, or just masturbating?

We have already had a thread on that.
I do not jest.

:p forgiven for my misunderstanding

My fault for not being clear in the first place... but your post inspired me! :fluffle:

Hey, I wonder if overuse of fluffles counts as cheating on line?

Wait hold up, in an online game, blowing peoples head off with a photon cannon, kicking the remains around the room, and painting the wall with blood are all harmless fun, but cyber sex is all of a sudden a taboo? Am I the only one who's seeing a problem here?

Of course, rather or not your spouse cares though has nothing to do with technicality or fact. It's all about respect, jealousy, and the sense of dominance/control (or some people call it the feeling of safety, but I don't see the difference). Those things you have to resolve with your partner and it doesn't matter if 1000 people on this forum agrees with you and partition to claim this situation to your favor.

What version of the internet are you using?

The one that 99% of internet users have access to.

More importantly, if you were to have sex with your own clone...would that make you gay, or just masturbating?meh
...if her clone clones herself, to have a clone-on-clone sex.. she would be cheating on herself.

## has used the female gender -in this post- not to protect the innocent
:D

What version of the internet are you using?version 6.9 (he is using 1.1)

:D

It's between you and your partner.

You and your partner are the only people who get to define what "cheating" is in your relationship. If your partner feels that this kind of online fantasy is cheating, then you're cheating on your partner if you engage in it. If your partner is okay with it and doesn't feel it's cheating, then it's not.

This sounds fair. If you and yours don't think it's cheating... well then, it's not - for you.

More importantly, if you were to have sex with your own clone...would that make you gay, or just masturbating?

You mean like Adam?

i would say the self rightious never tire of inventing excuses to try and dictate everyone else's lives. and it is they who demonstrate immaturity by doing so.

and that is the begining and end of all this kind of idiotic nonsense.

=^^=
.../\...

Well, you're doing something that people that don't have girlfriends are doing. When you're in a relationship, sexual tension (which, incidentally, should be less for you anyway) gets released through actual sex and/or cuddling/makeout sessions. Why would you ever resign yourself to masturbation when you could snuggle up on a sofa with your other half? That's what I don't get. It seems to seriously suggest there to be something wrong with the way you're relating to them, and that's probably how the other parties will take it.

*lol
I know a lot of people have that kind of attitude, but it still doesn't make sense to me.
There are times I want to snuggle up on the sofa with my BF, and then there are times when I just want to sit down, draw a nice porn pic or write down a fantasy into a short story, and then just enjoy playing with myself for a while. I love both, but they are just inherently different.
My BF doesn't always want sex when I want it, and I don't always want sex when he does. But that's what we both got our hand for.