NationStates Jolt Archive

America needs a way to reduce smog in large cities. The current infrastructure of all American cities makes a personal vehicle a necessity for most Americans. As populations increase and therefore expand cities, these commutes get longer and longer. Currently, Americans spend 100 hours a yea (http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/releases/archives/american_community_survey_acs/004489.html)r commuting. As population increases, it's unlikely these commute times will ever go down.

The clear solution to this is to replace cars with bears. Bears are the best form of alternative transportation, and will solve many problems at once.

*Bears emissions have never been shown to have a negative impact on our environment (http://news.google.com/news?client=opera&rls=en&q=%22bear+emissions%22&sourceid=opera&ie=UTF-8&oe=utf-8&um=1&sa=N&tab=wn). A search of Google news shows no news stories about bear emissions damaging the environment.

For further proof look to Alaska. For weather reasons (http://www.gi.alaska.edu/ScienceForum/ASF12/1218.html), Alaska has some of the worst air in the country (http://www.forbes.com/business/2007/10/16/environment-energy-vermont-biz-beltway-cx_bw_mm_1017greenstates_2.html). The places with the highest bear population (http://www.pbs.org/harriman/images/century/gaz_map_bear_lg.jpg), especially polar bears (http://web.mit.edu/12.000/www/m2007/teams/finalwebsite/environment/polar_bear_den_hab.jpg), also has the least smog. ON first glance, you might see a few of the cities listed as having the worst smog being dense in bears, but this is caused for two reasons. There are still cars in that part of the state, and the weather patterns don't let it blow off. Look at Timothy Treadwell (http://www.yellowstone-bearman.com/Tim_Treadwell.html) for a specific example. Timothy lived in the Alaskan wilderness amongst bears and did not die from smog.

*Bears are useful for population control. Major cities are without a keystone predator. Bears would function as a keystone predator (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keystone_species). As stronger commuter bears attacked the weaker commuter bears, population pressure would be self correcting.

*Bears will maul people who ride Segways. This would rid cities of an ever growing nusance (http://www.segway.com/about-segway/segway-milestones.php).

*Polar bears reduce global warming (http://oldorchardcinemapub.com/uploads/images/Global%20Warming.jpg). The arctic ice caps shrinking is quickly becoming a global crisis (http://www.filmweb.no/bilder/multimedia/archive/00100/Al_Gore_i_An_Inconv_100607o.jpg). The ice caps reflect much of the sun's energy back into space (http://earthobservatory.nasa.gov/Newsroom/NewImages/images.php3?img_id=16978). Widespread use of polar bears in major cities would be able to serve in a similar capacity. Their white fur would reflect much energy back into space. While the exact numbers haven't been calculated (http://www.google.com/search?client=opera&rls=en&q=%22use+of+polar+bears+to+reduce+global+warming%22&sourceid=opera&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8), it can be assumed that a lot of engery will be reflected. This makes polar bears an environmentally sound (http://www.in.gov/energy/images/Energy%20Star%20Logob.JPG) choice.

*Bears also come in a wide variety of makes and models:
*Polar Bear (http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2006/12/28/polar_narrowweb__300x387,0.jpg)- Polar bears have a top speed of 25 mph/40 kph on land (http://www.thebigzoo.com/Animals/Polar_Bear.asp), have amphibious capabilities of up to 6 mph/9 kph, can be used as a personal heater (http://www.brandtarot.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/02/polar-bear-heat.jpg) (wonderful for those cold winter mornings), and reduce global warming (see above). Polar bear cubs also make a wonderful fashion accessory (http://cache.viewimages.com/xc/73716221.jpg?v=1&c=ViewImages&k=2&d=17A4AD9FDB9CF1930EC3535F149CDF23D2FC4AB890671CFF284831B75F48EF45) and a great gift for children (http://www.thenoseonyourface.com/images/bear_porn.jpg).

*Grizzly Bears (http://www.dkimages.com/discover/previews/942/80002642.JPG)- Grizzly bears are designed for speed and power. Got somewhere to go in a hurry? A grizzly will get you there in no time. A Grizzly's top speed is 35 mph/ 56 kph (http://www.thebigzoo.com/Animals/Grizzly_Bear.asp). This model has no amphibious capabilities, but makes up for it with space and speed. A grizzly is large enough to accommodate the needs of a typical family, while fast enough to satisfy the speed demon in all of us.

*Red Pandas (http://www.wam.umd.edu/~azayac/zoopic4.jpg)- Not for grown ups, but this could be baby's first bear. It's never to early to teach bear safety and the rules of the road.

*Giant Panda (http://www.chinainstitute.eu/images/giant-panda-china-big%5B1%5D.jpg)- Not designed for speed, the giant panda is designed for comfort and dependability.

I urge you all to write your congressmen, let them know you want your city to go bear!

I don't have a congressman, but I'm going to paradoxically write to him anyway!

I must grin and bear it. :)

Terrorist. Bears are America's natural enemy. You are clearly trying to destroy America, and all that is stands for. Fascist-commie scum.

Well played! A question though - do we have the right to arm our bears?

Terrorist. Bears are America's natural enemy. You are clearly trying to destroy America, and all that is stands for. Fascist-commie scum.
It's a sensible solution to the pollution problems in major cites. Ban cars, introduce bears. Win- win situation. There is so drawback.

Bear cavalry.

Well played! A question though - do we have the right to arm our bears?

That's an interesting question indeed. I'm sure it will cause much debate in the coming years.

It's a sensible solution to the pollution problems in major cites. Ban cars, introduce bears. Win- win situation. There is so drawback.

We all have our cross to bear. :P

but what happens in winter?

The bears on the street would be reprogrammed with a different circadian rhythm ensuring they could be used for year round travel.

Well played! A question though - do we have the right to arm our bears?

Well the 2nd amendment grants the right to bears arms, that clearly means arms(guns) for bears.

but what happens in winter?

but what happens in winter?

Energy efficient hibernation.

And what happens when the transportation economy collapses and millions of men and women lose their jobs?

.. will there be matching fur coats to keep us warm in winter?

And what happens when the transportation economy collapses and millions of men and women lose their jobs?

.. will there be matching fur coats to keep us warm in winter?
Only if horrific, multi-bear pile ups become a regular occurrence.

And what happens when the transportation economy collapses and millions of men and women lose their jobs?

.. will there be matching fur coats to keep us warm in winter?

1. The culling effect of the bears will keep an economic collapse from occuring. As the city sizes reduce, the commute time will too.

2. Matching fur coats are an option with most models.

This idea might just bear fruit. :)

Stop, LG. There is only so much we can bear.

This idea might just bear fruit. :)

http://i134.photobucket.com/albums/q100/TheSteveslols/Legendary.png

This idea might just bear fruit. :)

It's the socially responible thing to do.

*carebear stare*

Stop, LG. There is only so much we can bear.

Bear puns are just an ursine of the times. But I don't want to bear the brunt of your anger so I will cub my enthusiasm and stop at the bear minimum. :)

Bear back riding will be the wave of the future.

Look for the bear necessities
The simple bear necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bear necessities
Old Mother Nature's recipes
That brings the bear necessities of life

Who needs cars when Mother Nature has provided bears?

http://www.comedycentral.com/motherload/player.jhtml?ml_video=71892&ml_collection=&ml_gateway=&ml_gateway_id=&ml_comedian=&ml_runtime=&ml_context=show&ml_origin_url=%2Fmotherload%2Findex.jhtml%3Fml_video%3D71892&ml_playlist=&lnk=&is_large=true
Bears are not your friends.

And what happens when the transportation economy collapses and millions of men and women lose their jobs?
Erm obviously millions become involved in both bear catching and bear breeding, as well as trout fishing to keep them amused and not stupendously angry. Would actually be quite interesting to see what Greenpeace said.

Oh and LG - best to knock the bear jokes on the head, before things get too grizzly :)

I can hardly bear traffic as it is. But this proposal will make highways nothing short of grizzly. You've polarized the issue; don't panda to the environmentalists and their cronies, or you may end up in a den of trouble.

OK, so I'm no LG, but I couldn't resist on this one.

Erm obviously millions become involved in both bear catching and bear breeding, as well as trout fishing to keep them amused and not stupendously angry. Would actually be quite interesting to see what Greenpeace said.

Oh and LG - best to knock the bear jokes on the head, before things get too grizzly :)

Just grin and bear it.

Where did I put my Bear Cavalry poster?

I love bursting bubbles so I'll be serious here and point out that while bears don't have the same gaseous emissions that cars do, bears, like horses, emit something else that can be just as big a problem in a crowded city. Are you going to just expect every bear rider to clean up after their pet?

Bear cavalry.

http://content.ytmnd.com/content/3/e/6/3e621738b7fe09ccb101532a9336f033.jpg

Bear cavalry.
Amphibious attack tigers.
http://content.ytmnd.com/content/3/e/6/3e621738b7fe09ccb101532a9336f033.jpg
http://img485.imageshack.us/img485/3230/attacktigersft6.jpg

http://www.myconfinedspace.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/1187848380462.jpg



http://img64.imageshack.us/img64/3568/motivator1713232go3.th.jpg (http://img64.imageshack.us/my.php?image=motivator1713232go3.jpg)

lolz...I thought the title was BEER based infrastructure....