NationStates Jolt Archive

You might not *need* to spend a lot of money to have fun, but it's generally accepted that a person who's unwilling to spend good coin on you doesn't really care much for you. Right?

I hadn't thought much about it myself, but I overhear a lot of conversation at my job, which included an interesting exchange this afternoon, concerning one member of a group of four women's plans for the upcoming 3-day weekend. What they were I have no idea, but the conversation got a bit more animated and drew my attention concerning this point: the woman's date looked to spend about $40 for the both of them, which was considered "too cheap." Naturally, no woman (I don't think) wants to be thought of as a "cheap date," nor do most men want to be seen as cheapskates, I'm sure, so I put the question to all of you:

How cheap is "too cheap?"

Would you be insulted by an evening costing less that $40, or is it okay on occasion, so long as the sentiment is right? Regardless who pays, or whether you're going dutch: how cheap is too cheap? Poll is on the way. :)

Problem. Why the hell do those people have the sheer audacity to complain after being offered a meal on someone else's dime? If you have the nerve to whine about the price someone else is footing for you, you need to get off your high horse.

Problem. Why the hell do those people have the sheer audacity to complain after being offered a meal on someone else's dime? If you have the nerve to whine about the price someone else is footing for you, you need to get off your high horse.

I'm not sure I'd call it a complaint, from what I heard. It sounded more like 'concern,' as in "should I worry?", rather than "what a jerk!" You know? In any case, it sounded like she decided to let the guy spend less than $40 this time, but to push him a bit further later on to see if he was serious.

Also, for the poll: if you're too young or haven't dated anyone yet, you can reply as to what you have heard is the standard, rather than what you yourself do. ;)

Bah. I pay what I pay when I've gone on dates. If people don't like it, that's too bad. I don't enjoy paying for more than what I have, but oh well.


It just annoys me, is all. People take stuff like that too seriously, concern or no. Why is it their business if somebody doesn't wanna foot a $100 bill just to keep their date happy?

I don't think any certain number is too cheap per se, but it is possible to be cheap. There's a number of factors, including income. I mean, I'm a college student. If I were expected to spend >$40 on a date... well, I couldn't, plain and simple. I'm sometimes on such a tight budget that that little leeway could mean missing rent, utilities, or food for a week or so.

The thing is when being cheap interferes with the date, essentially. If I were to go with a girl to the local art museum, even though it's free, and we both had a great time, then that's fine. If we cooked something together for dinner after that, it'd be rather cheap, but sometimes that can be a better date than eating out. (Even if you can't cook, you should try it some time if you haven't. It's fun!)

Now, I could see somebody being upset if a date's idea of a good date was taking him/her to McDonald's, but again, it's not, strictly speaking, an issue of how much money you spend.

Oh, and I voted for <$200 is too cheap, just because you didn't have an option for me. :D:p

When I take out a lady for a meal, I will occasionally "super-size" it without her even asking. :cool:

When your jaw is too sore to talk and you still don't have enough to pay your pimp and feed the kids.

The going fare around here is $60/night.


"No, who you are is what we've established. Now we're about the price..."

Problem. Why the hell do those people have the sheer audacity to complain after being offered a meal on someone else's dime? If you have the nerve to whine about the price someone else is footing for you, you need to get off your high horse.The problem is, such a narcissistic attitude has become culturally acceptable, and a lot of people are so lacking in self-respect that they find it completely natural to let themselves be used in such a manner. As a detached observer uninterested in conventional relationships, I find it all very silly.

I remember the days when the buck stopped here and you could buy something with it.

Gil Scott Herron.

$20 is still expensive.

You might not *need* to spend a lot of money to have fun, but it's generally accepted that a person who's unwilling to spend good coin on you doesn't really care much for you. Right?It also depends on whether the person has any money to spend. (Although, I suppose, technically, that might mean they are willing to spend loads and loads of money on you, but they're simply unable to)

Would you be insulted by an evening costing less that $40, or is it okay on occasion, so long as the sentiment is right?I would be insulted if they thought spending a certain amount of money automatically made it in any sense meaningful. The point should be that money is irrelevant, and therefore (barring practical limits) they should not worry about spending too much or too little; it simply shouldn't be a consideration.

How cheap is "too cheap?"Anyone that tells their date how much they'll be spending on them is.
The list isn't helpful though. "Cheap" depends on how much the person paying can afford. A poor student can easily still count as non-cheap with a bill under € 30, but a business person?

Problem. Why the hell do those people have the sheer audacity to complain after being offered a meal on someone else's dime? If you have the nerve to whine about the price someone else is footing for you, you need to get off your high horse.

'This is where we're going and what we're doing on our date, and you're going to shut up and like it'

Around here, $40 is a nice dinner at the little [any modest restaurant] down the way and a movie. Okay, movies ARE more expensive than dinner now, so maybe it's $50. If you're going out to dance, you have to expect to spend a few dollars more. Without going to downtown Atlanta, or to Greenville, it's hard to spend over $100 on a date.

On the other hand, I can see the city folk spending $100 on a no-frills date and $200 on one that's a little more extravagant.

Y or whether you're going dutch

Going dutch is always okay :p

But it depends on the circumstances, I as a student will think that 40 euros for the both of us is nice, 20 would be cheap and 80 would be much :) And most probably it would be a split bill as well (emancipation rocks!). I'd probably spend 30 euros for 1 person. That would be a nice dinner and a movie. But that's more because I like good food :D

'This is where we're going and what we're doing on our date, and you're going to shut up and like it'

Yes, thats exactly what he said.:rolleyes:

Anyway if women want to see their date's willingness to go broke to please them as some sort of commitment then fine I guess. I tell my girlfriend I'm not going to take her to all the places she wants. This is because I'm cheap. Even though she offers to pay for me I still don't think its right to waste money on extravagant things. In other words I'm a super jew. But I need to be 'cause I'm po.

I've dropped over $300 on an evening before and I've also done the picnic in the park thing. Had a great time (and like to think my date did too..) on either of these extremes. Money shouldn't be what it's all about. If what you have to spend defines who you are, either in your own eyes or in the eyes of who you date, you need to redefine yourself.

Yes, thats exactly what he said.:rolleyes:

He said one shouldn't complain about a free meal, they boil down to the same thing.

You might not *need* to spend a lot of money to have fun, but it's generally accepted that a person who's unwilling to spend good coin on you doesn't really care much for you. Right?

Wrong.


I hadn't thought much about it myself, but I overhear a lot of conversation at my job, which included an interesting exchange this afternoon, concerning one member of a group of four women's plans for the upcoming 3-day weekend. What they were I have no idea, but the conversation got a bit more animated and drew my attention concerning this point: the woman's date looked to spend about $40 for the both of them, which was considered "too cheap."

$40 for a 3-day weekend might be unrealistic, depending on what you're doing. For instance, if my partner said, "Let's go away this weekend and have a special little romantic vacation. I've got $40 laying around!" I would probably roll my eyes at him because I know that $40 won't pay for any hotel I'd want to stay in. And I hate camping.

But my partner and I can have an awesome weekend without spending any more money than it takes to buy the groceries we eat. Depending on what you're doing, $40 can be more than enough. It's stupid to put an arbitrary price threshold on fun.


Naturally, no woman (I don't think) wants to be thought of as a "cheap date,"

Why not?


nor do most men want to be seen as cheapskates,

Does anybody want to be seen as a cheapskate?


Would you be insulted by an evening costing less that $40, or is it okay on occasion, so long as the sentiment is right? Regardless who pays, or whether you're going dutch: how cheap is too cheap? Poll is on the way. :)
I don't much care how much an evening costs, long as it's fun.

Know what if your date cost $100 for the meal, get a fucking hooker. It's cheaper, she will put out, and you don't have to call her.

He said one shouldn't complain about a free meal, they boil down to the same thing.

Actually its not. You'll note how you assumed he is disrespectful towards his woman, which isn't implied in telling someone not to complain about free things. Secondly there was no mention of forcing her to do something other than she wanted, just that there are logical price restrictions on what he can/wants to buy for her.

Money is meaningless in intimate relationships. It's also mildly meaningless in an economic context. What I mean by this is that in both cases, the important factor is a combination of what you had to do to get your money and what you get for your money. Money itself is a medium and a means, not a goal.

To make it the means (in this example, to make the value of the gift dependent on the money spent) is wrong.

Know what if your date cost $100 for the meal, get a fucking hooker. It's cheaper, she will put out, and you don't have to call her.Actually, that reminds me of a sketch that went completely opposite: The woman was amazed the man was willing to spend so much until he told her that it would still be cheaper than going to a brothel...

Less than twenty.

I don't particularly care how much someone spends on a date as long as they have put plenty of effort into it.

cheap

You might not *need* to spend a lot of money to have fun, but it's generally accepted that a person who's unwilling to spend good coin on you doesn't really care much for you. Right?

The women you wrote about were not concerned about being perceived as being cheap dates or unworthy of attention. Instead, they were concerned with their value as merchandise and the constantly decreasing value of those goods.

Assuming that the women in your office date with a long term goal in mind, a man who is able to spend a large sum to woo any of them identifies himself as a fit provider on that date and possibly for her and the children she will bear him.

Access to large legal sums of money has replaced the ability to hunt and feed a family as the measure of a man, and as usual pretty young women of child bearing age do well to save their virtue for the highest bidder (http://www.dealbreaker.com/2007/10/that_craigslist_ad_the_one_pos.php).

I think it depends on where the relationship is. On a first date, just going out for fast food or something wouldn't be much fun. I'd expect dinner and something else too (a movie, ice skating, museum, etc.), and I'd sort of want him to pay. A little generosity is nice at the early stages, and that's exactly how it went on our first "official" date: dinner and a movie. He probably spent about $50 on that date: $35 on dinner and $15 on the movie. The date was a huge success, as measured by the fact that we barely saw the movie on account of we were making out in the back row.

We don't have nice dates as often as we used to, and when we do, we split the bill. The money adds up surprisingly fast, though: a common thing for us is a cheap dinner (pizza or something) and a comedy club, and that often comes to $46 when you include train fare (which is itself cheaper than parking in Philly).

Overall, though, I don't necessarily think that more money = more fun. We laugh our asses off at that comedy club every time we go, and the tickets are only $12. I think it's much more fun than going to some trendy dance club, especially since I can't legally drink there anyway. As for the food- if we sit in his room, eating delicious pizza and drinking beer that I couldn't drink at a real restaurant, that's probably more fun than eating at some pretentious restaurant where a salad costs $30 and the service is slow and everybody gives you weird looks if you wear a tie that's not black/order a Yuengling/forget to keep your pinkies out while drinking your $40 1967 Merlot which you ordered because they didn't have Yuengling.

But it still helps to have a few special occasions a year when he does something for me that may cost a little more than our normal routine. A nice restaurant on our anniversary, a day trip to New York in December, a day exploring Boston when we're up there for Thanksgiving and my birthday, a night at a really beautiful B&B when we're going up to the Adirondacks to visit friends for the 4th of July... that sort of thing.

Actually its not. You'll note how you assumed he is disrespectful towards his woman, which isn't implied in telling someone not to complain about free things. Secondly there was no mention of forcing her to do something other than she wanted, just that there are logical price restrictions on what he can/wants to buy for her.


Wow, I sparked an argument.

Anyway, Ifreann, no. I didn't mean it in that sense. Please don't put words in my mouth because I reject the notion that other people have a right to whine about how much you spend when you go out places.

Nowhere did I say anything else but the price, besides maybe people's nerve to complain about what you spend on them on your dime. Not about forcing people to do what you want and forbidding any kind of counter-feedback. I'm not an extremist, don't paint that picture of me.

In summary: see Lackadaisical1. Thanks for defending me, by the way.

How cheap is "too cheap?"

Would you be insulted by an evening costing less that $40, or is it okay on occasion, so long as the sentiment is right? Regardless who pays, or whether you're going dutch: how cheap is too cheap? Poll is on the way. :)
Too cheap? Date? What is this nonsense I've never heard of before?

Never been on a date... :(


But for me, I've always thought that the important thing for going on a date is to have fun, not how much one spends.

Sure for special occasions one can pull out all the stops... but I've never heard anyone ask for an Itemized billing of what was spent to determine if the date was good.

You might not *need* to spend a lot of money to have fun, but it's generally accepted that a person who's unwilling to spend good coin on you doesn't really care much for you. Right?

I hadn't thought much about it myself, but I overhear a lot of conversation at my job, which included an interesting exchange this afternoon, concerning one member of a group of four women's plans for the upcoming 3-day weekend. What they were I have no idea, but the conversation got a bit more animated and drew my attention concerning this point: the woman's date looked to spend about $40 for the both of them, which was considered "too cheap." Naturally, no woman (I don't think) wants to be thought of as a "cheap date," nor do most men want to be seen as cheapskates, I'm sure, so I put the question to all of you:

How cheap is "too cheap?"

Would you be insulted by an evening costing less that $40, or is it okay on occasion, so long as the sentiment is right? Regardless who pays, or whether you're going dutch: how cheap is too cheap? Poll is on the way. :)
Wow. How stupid is that? (not you, the women)

If my new date was a filthily rich investment banker with Prada shoes, a sports car and expensive hobbies and he would consistently only take me to Burger King's - then yeah, that would be "too cheap".

Other than that, he'd have to try really hard to be "too cheap". Especially because I don't like dinner to be paid for by him anyway, I'd much rather go dutch or take turns in paying. Unless he's a filthily rich investment banker... :p

Never been on a date... :(

.

Actually, I jest. Even I've been on a few dates. Only a few, but I've been on them.

I've never been one to think of something as being too cheap. If anything I'd almost be worried about it being too expensive, being the frugal man I am.

It all depends on what means the person has. People typically date in similar economic classes so it is relative. Someone working for $13 an hour wouldn't think of spending $100 vs someone that is fairly well off and drops $200 like it is nothing. So basically it depends on who the people are that are out on a date.

To be fair, I've never dated. But if I were stupid enough to do so, I would almost certainly fall into the "Cinema tickets? What do you think I am, made of money?!" category. Engagement and wedding rings are right out.... and any ceremony would consist of taking the subway to City Hall and signing the license. (I expect a particularly difficult romantic life.)

I'm a student, I don't often spend more than 20€ on one night on one person (myself). And on the rare occasions that I went on a date we both bought each other drinks and stuff. And I don't really know if I even would want to go on a date with a girl that judges said date based on the amount of money spent.

Know what if your date cost $100 for the meal, get a fucking hooker. It's cheaper, she will put out, and you don't have to call her.
If your only concern is the monetary cost of finding a warm body to masturbate into, then please do humanity a favor and spend that $100 on a nice sex toy instead. Leave women alone.

If your only concern is the monetary cost of finding a warm body to masturbate into, then please do humanity a favor and spend that $100 on a nice sex toy instead. Leave women alone.

I already do darlin.

I already do darlin.
(Belatedly)

Leave men alone, too. It makes me sad when people talk about hookers as if they are human dumpsters.

To be fair, I've never dated. But if I were stupid enough to do so, I would almost certainly fall into the "Cinema tickets? What do you think I am, made of money?!" category. Engagement and wedding rings are right out.... and any ceremony would consist of taking the subway to City Hall and signing the license. (I expect a particularly difficult romantic life.)
It seems only fair to warn you that twoo wuv can worm its way into your brain like a cute and cuddly carnivorous larva. See, I once shared your opinion of all things expensive and romantic. I still do, to a certain extent (no rings, hate wedding ceremonies, etc), but I also have discovered the joy of spoiling my mate rotten.

I love buying him stuff. Okay, so the videogames and DvDs are sort of for me, too, but I also just like to give him presents.

He once remarked that I was behaving like a penguin presenting shiny pebbles to my mate. I responded by buying him a watch. I think we all can see who won THAT round. Hah.

This reminds me of a friend of my wife.... He was married for 10 years to this girl.... For 10 years, every year on their anniversary, she would give him back the wedding ring for him to "upgrade it", change the band, change the stone, etc; to something more expensive.... for TEN years.... Last year was the tenth year..... She, as normal gave the ring to him.... And he gave her something back.... DIVORCE PAPERS.

Yes, thats exactly what he said.:rolleyes:

Anyway if women want to see their date's willingness to go broke to please them as some sort of commitment then fine I guess. I tell my girlfriend I'm not going to take her to all the places she wants. This is because I'm cheap. Even though she offers to pay for me I still don't think its right to waste money on extravagant things. In other words I'm a super jew. But I need to be 'cause I'm po.

Please tell me you don't actually believe that horseshit stereotype.

The women you wrote about were not concerned about being perceived as being cheap dates or unworthy of attention. Instead, they were concerned with their value as merchandise and the constantly decreasing value of those goods.

Assuming that the women in your office date with a long term goal in mind, a man who is able to spend a large sum to woo any of them identifies himself as a fit provider on that date and possibly for her and the children she will bear him.

Access to large legal sums of money has replaced the ability to hunt and feed a family as the measure of a man, and as usual pretty young women of child bearing age do well to save their virtue for the highest bidder (http://www.dealbreaker.com/2007/10/that_craigslist_ad_the_one_pos.php).

I was about to pounce on you for the second paragraph, but the link made up for it in spades! It was brilliant.

I will mini-pounce on that second paragraph, though, by saying that "being able" to drop a lot of cash to impress someone on the first date means absolutely nothing. I've seen college students back in my days there who'd go all-out for that date and starve themselves to make rent in the hopes that putting all their eggs in one basket would work. I'm not endorsing that idea at all. Rather, I warn anyone that flash-and-dash can be had by anyone with a credit card. In short, that "ability" can be faked. And if it is, and it works, the whore gets what she deserves and the idiot with the credit card does, too. Shallowness, when joined, does not equal depth, but a wider range of shallow.

It seems only fair to warn you that twoo wuv can worm its way into your brain like a cute and cuddly carnivorous larva. See, I once shared your opinion of all things expensive and romantic. I still do, to a certain extent (no rings, hate wedding ceremonies, etc), but I also have discovered the joy of spoiling my mate rotten.

I love buying him stuff. Okay, so the videogames and DvDs are sort of for me, too, but I also just like to give him presents.

He once remarked that I was behaving like a penguin presenting shiny pebbles to my mate. I responded by buying him a watch. I think we all can see who won THAT round. Hah.

We need -- okay, I need more women like you. At 37, I'm at the tail end of the greedy side of feminine determinations of mateworthiness. I am hilarious, erudite, knowledgable and not repulsive to look at (having just dropped 20 pounds, I feel very good as well at 6' 196#).

I spoil any girlfriend I have to the best of my teaching salary's ability. That usually means massage oil and grateful feet, legs, back, shoulders, neck, what-have-you. I have access to any number of concerts and live theater, some of which I can get freebie tickets to see.

Long story short, I think a date is more of an insight into someone's personality than a measure of his financial worth. I'd be willing to bet that some woman could drop $1000 on a date that might just bore me to tears, and another woman could spend next to nothing and have my rapt attention and bugeoning affection.

Too much focus on money and not enough of thoughtfulness, consideration and common decency.

This reminds me of a friend of my wife.... He was married for 10 years to this girl.... For 10 years, every year on their anniversary, she would give him back the wedding ring for him to "upgrade it", change the band, change the stone, etc; to something more expensive.... for TEN years.... Last year was the tenth year..... She, as normal gave the ring to him.... And he gave her something back.... DIVORCE PAPERS.
The mind, it is boggled.

Any woman who was at all concerned that I was not spending enough money on them is not worth spending a penny on.

The best dates I have had also happen to be fairly cheap. Taking a woman out to a nice restaurant and a movie is cliche. Far better to do something more imaginative.

When the weather is warm, pick a night when there is going to be a full moon, make something simple (maybe $30 for ingredients and a bottle of wine) and take her to a nice spot (maybe on a hill overlooking the town or something) and have a moonlit picnic.

I like taking a girl to the National Gallery of Art and having a picnic in the Hirshhorn sculpture garden (in case you havent noticed, I'm a fan of picnics - a baguette, some cheese, something to drink... cheap and easy). Talking about various paintings and what they like is a great way to get to know someone. DC is great for the free museums.

If its not a first date, invite them over and cook a meal together. Cheap and loads of fun. You get to know each other much better and have a better time than shelling out a couple hundred bucks for dinner and theater tickets. Of course I do enjoy the theater quite a bit...

Even taking a girl to the theater doesnt have to be expensive - you can get cheap tickets if you look. There are even free productions now and then.

While I have been known to spend a few hundred on a night out, that is few and far between - and quite frankly, not often worth the money.

It seems only fair to warn you that twoo wuv can worm its way into your brain like a cute and cuddly carnivorous larva. See, I once shared your opinion of all things expensive and romantic. I still do, to a certain extent (no rings, hate wedding ceremonies, etc), but I also have discovered the joy of spoiling my mate rotten.

I love buying him stuff. Okay, so the videogames and DvDs are sort of for me, too, but I also just like to give him presents.

He once remarked that I was behaving like a penguin presenting shiny pebbles to my mate. I responded by buying him a watch. I think we all can see who won THAT round. Hah.

I suppose 'tis only fair that for Meaningful and Lasting Relationships, one has to make some concessions (i.e. common sense, and large quantities of money). Fortunately I'm in no danger of being affected, due to being an emotionally stunted sociopath, but that's Beside The Point.

Two slices of Pizza (each) and some soda is a fine date, and at $5.86 per person it's less thsan even your lowest offer. Be ashamed of yourself!

There's also the fact that I don't think there's much chance my date would buy me dinner, as usually the guy pays, not the girl...

If your only concern is the monetary cost of finding a warm body to masturbate into, then please do humanity a favor and spend that $100 on a nice sex toy instead. Leave women alone.

You see, once a woman starts to judge "Oh, he's so cheap, I'm worth $50, not $30!", she *is* equating herself to a hooker.

You see, once a woman starts to judge "Oh, he's so cheap, I'm worth $50, not $30!", she *is* equating herself to a hooker.

Yep, you're measuring the value of a relationship with someone based upon monetary expenditures... It's nothing less than a "service in trade" form of prostitution.

I just want to have fun. You don't have to spend a ton of money to do that.
I think the best date I've ever been on was when my boyfriend and I went to a local park and shot off Diet Coke and Mentos. Then we went back to my dorm, ordered pizza, and watched movies for the rest of the evening. I don't think the whole evening came to $15 (I love coupons!).

*snip* There's also the fact that I don't think there's much chance my date would buy me dinner, as usually the guy pays, not the girl...

Really? "Usually"? Pardon me, but fuck that. He or she who propses the date should be the one slated to pay IF they don't go dutch. Either that, or it simply rotates one pays, then the other. This whole "the guy pays" thing is hopelessly out of date. I operate by the golden rule, them what has the golden idea, pays. Thing is, I've never kept scrupulous track of who's paid for what, and I've never felt ripped off, and neither have any of my dates/girlfriends. That, in my opinion, is equality and freedom -- not worrying about little shit like that.