NationStates Jolt Archive

I stumbled across this site ( http://www.e99tamils.com/ ) earlier on today...

excerpt below from: http://www.e99tamils.com/be_best_wife.shtml
"Here is a guide for a good family-minded wife:

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for her husband’s return. This is a way of letting husband knows that you have been thinking about him and is concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home after work and the prospect of a good meal, especially his favorite dish can become as a part of the warm welcome.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when your husband arrives. Touchup your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. Do not forget to have your Pottu in your forehead. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people in his office.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for your husband. His boring day may need uplift and one of your duties is to provide it to your husband.

Clear away the clutter in the house. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your beloved husband arrives.

Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc and then run a dust clothes over the tables.

Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to
unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction as a good wife.

Prepare the children before he comes to home. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures for your husband and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet and welcome with a friendly smile. Always smile when you look at him and show him that you are the world for him.

Greet him with a warm smile when he enters the house and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Make the evening his one. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes like a typical Tamil woman. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. When woman walks above a grass garden even the grass will not be hurt by a walking woman. Softness means woman and it should be reflected when woman becomes a wife.

Don't ask him questions about his actions, judgment or integrity. Remember he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.

A Good Tamil wife knows her place."

I was personally appalled & somwhat contfronted. I am always happy to cook and clean on occasion for my man, but if this sort of behaviour was expected of me, I would resent it. To me, a marriage is a partnership. A woman's job is not to serve a husband like a slave, just as it's not neccisarily a man's sole job to be the 'breadwinner'. I suppose these relationship expectations are typical of the site's creator's personal culture, but... still.

Your thoughts?

Sounds like a joke site. I distinctly recall images posted around the internets of an old advertisement from the 1950's or so that listed those things as the traits of a good wife. Of course, said website appears to have taken the ad and stuck in "Tamil" in a few places to customize it, but nonetheless the unintentional humor of the initial image remains.

Of course, it's also possible that someone saw that ad and thought those were good traits for a wife, so...

Sounds like a joke site. I distinctly recall images posted around the internets of an old advertisement from the 1950's or so that listed those things as the traits of a good wife. Of course, said website appears to have taken the ad and stuck in "Tamil" in a few places to customize it, but nonetheless the unintentional humor of the initial image remains.

Of course, it's also possible that someone saw that ad and thought those were good traits for a wife, so...

Maybe this particular site is a joke, but there are certainly people who still believe that this is proper behaviour.

I've seen a few versions of that.

That kind of stuff always makes me mad, and also makes me want to write up an equally demanding/demeaning spec sheet for the ideal husband. Alas, I've never gotten around to it.

I do have the suspicion that men who thought they'd get that treatment for their whole marriage have been, in most instances, quite disappointed. Once the glow of the honeymoon wore off, reality would set in. And that description they have =/= reality.

yeah this is totally the same as those 1950s 'how to be a good wife' images i've seen before. i don't even know if they were real to begin with.


i hope nobody these days expects a woman to do all those things just to fit a gender role of the 'good wife'. and certainly the tone is entirely wrong (obviously) if one is to take it seriously - clearly a man is no more important than a woman in any relationship or household (in fact i'd say its the other way round ;))

plus its outdated. don't most women these days work anyway? to me the very notion of a woman being a "housewife" seems strange.

Did anyone else think ; what the fuck is this site? Seriously, how did you even find it? Did you Google "weird indian university socialclub or is it a business"...?

"get Yo Bitch Ass Back In The Kitchen And Make Me A Pie!!"

That is very very likely a joke website, but, in any case, any man who would expect such behaviour from his wife is a filthy asshole deserving nothing but contempt.

A marriage is a partnership, and the whole point is to do things together, not apart from each other. Yes, it's always rewarding to do something nice for your significant other, and one always feels appreciated when one is on the receiving end, but ultimately, the secret of a good marriage is not "I give you something today, you give me something tomorrow," but rather "let's do this together, at the same time."

http://www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp

When in doubt, check Snopes. ;)

That said, I would find it highly annoying (and do) to have a wife like that. I really don't like being waited on hand and foot.

Silly dated ideas.

I would want my wife to be my loving companion to live life together, not some sort of doormat maidservant.

Meh, if being your husbands slave is your thing then have at it.

Have dinner ready.

I don't want dinner when I come home :p Besides which, I am the better cook. Better as defined by the fact that I am more interested in cooking.

Plan ahead even the night before,

That ruins the joy of spontaneous cooking.

to have a delicious meal ready, on time for her husband’s return.

I would prefer if such things were, again, spontaneous and not just something she was doing because she felt she had to. I mean, I do it for my brother sometimes, but it's hardly all the time.

Most men are hungry when they come home after work

Perhaps, but I make my own food.

Touchup your make-up,

Nooo! No make-up!

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for your husband. His boring day may need uplift and one of your duties is to provide it to your husband.

Yay, being happy is now a duty [/sarcasm]

Clear away the clutter in the house. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your beloved husband arrives.

Better yet, find something useful or fun to do. Cleaning up every single day is neither useful nor fun.

Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.

Finally something mutually beneficial...

After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction as a good wife.

...for all the wrong reasons.

They are little treasures for your husband and he would like to see them playing the part.

Oh come on. I know what little kids are like and it's no good pretending to be something that isn't.

Minimize all noise.

Maximize!

Always smile when you look at him and show him that you are the world for him.

Don't smile unless you're happy. Don't give mixed signals.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Actually, I hope to be more of a listener, even if I do like talking. So no, my topics are not more important.

Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you.

Well, as long as she can go out too, then it's fine not to complain.

However, for birthdays, anniversaries, special occasions, etc... I would expect her to be home and therefore, I expect a complaint if I come home late.

Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

Actually, I want to be greeted with problems, so that I have something to solve.

Don't ask him questions about his actions, judgment or integrity. Remember he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.

Wait a minute! If you're going to be this macho, the very least you could do is give control of the house to the woman. Even the vikings were decent enough to let the women be the ruler of the house, even if the man ruled the household.

I was personally appalled & somwhat contfronted. I am always happy to cook and clean on occasion for my man, but if this sort of behaviour was expected of me, I would resent it. To me, a marriage is a partnership. A woman's job is not to serve a husband like a slave, just as it's not neccisarily a man's sole job to be the 'breadwinner'. I suppose these relationship expectations are typical of the site's creator's personal culture, but... still.

Your thoughts?

I agree with you, I suppose. However, I think this is from the fifties or something. I remember seeing a similar pamphlet once.

Wait...
That's not how all women are?!

Wait...
That's not how all women are?!

Only the good ones.

This thread reminds me of "If You Wanna be Happy".

Yeah seem this before, I belive it comes from a book published way back in the midst of time like the 40's or 50's perhaps even the 30's.

Strangely enough I see not a lot wrong with it. If a wife chooses to live her life that way, then isn't that fine?

Indeed I see some parallels with my own marriage here. I work to look after our family, and my wife stays home to look after our family.

Yes a bit old fashioned, but she's happy, I'm happy the kids are happy, so where is the problem?

I stumbled across this site
---SNIP---
Your thoughts?

Heh, I would love it if my wife acted like that to be honest. I know it'll never happen, but it would be nice. Maybe I should find a tamil woman then.

I enjoy debate....and I like to cook my own food...and I hate makeup and I'd like my wife to possess the same tendencies and be a working woman, not a stay at home bobbleheaded excuse of a human being (I'm not saying stay-at-home moms and the like are in any way inferior to a woman who works, though, don't get me wrong). Pretty much, a woman who would fit the criteria for that guide is in every single way not the ideal mate for me. o.O

Hell, to be honest, I know more guys who are likely to be stay-at-home dads than women who are likely to be like that guide. Is there really anyone in the US that even remotely fits into that little spreadsheet, anymore?

Heh, I would love it if my wife acted like that to be honest. I know it'll never happen, but it would be nice. Maybe I should find a tamil woman then.

My uncle once taught me a Tamil saying(I forgotten the Tamil now) but transtlated into English it goes;

'When you are angry don't take it out on the wife, pick up a stick and beat the dog'

I enjoy debate....and I like to cook my own food...and I hate makeup and I'd like my wife to possess the same tendencies and be a working woman, not a stay at home bobbleheaded excuse of a human being (I'm not saying stay-at-home moms and the like are in any way inferior to a woman who works, though, don't get me wrong). Pretty much, a woman who would fit the criteria for that guide is in every single way not the ideal mate for me. o.O

Hell, to be honest, I know more guys who are likely to be stay-at-home dads than women who are likely to be like that guide. Is there really anyone in the US that even remotely fits into that little spreadsheet, anymore?

I agree, I think most or a portion larger than the number of young women today who would be fine with staying at home. This actually brings up some important social questions that I won't get into here...

My uncle once taught me a Tamil saying(I forgotten the Tamil now) but transtlated into English it goes;

'When you are angry don't take it out on the wife, pick up a stick and beat the dog'

lol, awesome saying. I would also like to clarify my position on this. I don't like my wife being fake! Like pretending to be happy or trying to do things and not really meaning them, ugh... I couldn't stand that.

Yeah, I used to bitch about having to do my chores when I was a kid, too. I used to wish that somebody else would do them for me.

Nobody wants to deal with filthy laundry. Nobody is stoked about cleaning the toilet. Nobody sees a stack of dirty dishes and goes, "Hooray! There is nothing I'd rather do than scrub these!"

We'd all love a magical house-bot who would do our dirty, thankless chores for us.

Most of us grow up and realize that 1) dirty jobs are a fact of life, and 2) it's really not that big a deal. It's only a small, lazy minority who continue to demand their own personal house-bots so that they don't have to dirty their dainty little fingers with icky housework.

Yeah, I used to bitch about having to do my chores when I was a kid, too. I used to wish that somebody else would do them for me.

Nobody wants to deal with filthy laundry. Nobody is stoked about cleaning the toilet. Nobody sees a stack of dirty dishes and goes, "Hooray! There is nothing I'd rather do than scrub these!"

We'd all love a magical house-bot who would do our dirty, thankless chores for us.

Most of us grow up and realize that 1) dirty jobs are a fact of life, and 2) it's really not that big a deal. It's only a small, lazy minority who continue to demand their own personal house-bots so that they don't have to dirty their dainty little fingers with icky housework.

Heh indeed, it done me no good whingeing about doing my chores as a kid, better by far just to shutup and get on with them.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for your husband.

HOW DO THEY KNOW I LIKE LESBIANS??? :D

Snip.

In Brazil it's less of a problem, as housekeepers are dirt cheap...

I voted that I'm a man and I do not expect this behavior.

My main objection is that the atricle painted a very lopsided servile picture. The way it works in my house is that since my wife and I both work, we share the household chores more or less equally. We take turns cooking dinner, for example. Since we've decided to use a laundromat for laundry we'll pr obably do that together. (they have pool tables) I clean the litterbox since she's pregnant. She does the dishes usually but sometimes I do just because.

Now, when I was working and she didn't, it was only fair that she did the lion's share of the housework and vice versa... When I lost my job and she was working, I did it.

Bottom line: fairness.

I can only assume the OP article was making the baseline assumption that it was only the husband working. While I see no problem with the wife doing the housework in that scenario, the servile tone was off kilter. It was as if she should have no thought in her head other than pleasing her husband, and that's stupid. One doesn't give up their sense of self just to get married. As someone already said, it's a partnership.

HOW DO THEY KNOW I LIKE LESBIANS??? :D

*sigh* Coz you're a man.

In Brazil it's less of a problem, as housekeepers are dirt cheap...
Dude, in America it's even less of a problem, as you can purchase a "housekeeper" for a single up-front payment of a diamond ring. If you're male, that is.

Dude, in America it's even less of a problem, as you can purchase a "housekeeper" for a single up-front payment of a diamond ring. If you're male, that is.

Whilst in London, UK, the payment seems to be a least one new diamond ring a year! Damn you Yanks have it cheap! Can I send my wife over for retraining d'ya think?

Dude, in America it's even less of a problem, as you can purchase a "housekeeper" for a single up-front payment of a diamond ring. If you're male, that is.

I, here, am a liberal and do not expect, nor would ask, my wife to be like this...

...and yet the girl I have the most chance to marry someday WANTS to be somewhat like this, on her own volition. Mind you, not the "angel in the house" picture there, just "the one that takes care of the house and children". She'd not give me charte blanche to arrive late and so on, though, that would be dysfunctional. :p

And it's not because I "chose" a girl like this, either: As I said, housekeepers are cheap here, and I'm too nerdy to be surrounded by girls enough to choose "the one that is like this".

A man was feeling ill and not quite himself for a few weeks, so he decided to go see the doctor. After running a batter yof tests, the doctor asked to see the wife in private to tell her what was going on before breaking the news to the man.

"Your husband is dying." the doctor said. "It's the stress." His wife, devastated, asked "is there any way to save him?"

The doctor thought for a moment and said, "yes, if you can eliminate the stress as best you can. Each morning, get up early before he does and fix him his favorite breakfast. Go get the paper and leave it open for him. When he wakes up, get his clothes ready for him while he's in the shower and make sure they're all clean and neatly ironed. Make him the best lunches to take with him to work. Whatever he wants. Pack special desserts that you've baked yourself. When he comes home from work. have his dinner waiting for him, hot, on the table. Encourage him to watch whatever he wants on TV and bring him a beer or whatever he wants, when he wants it. When he's ready for bed, be dressed in your sexiest outfits and do whatever he wantds to do in bed. If you can do all of these things, he will pull through."

She thanked the doctor and headed out to tell her husband the news. She took his hands in hers, looked him in the eye and said, "Honey, you're going to die."

I, here, am a liberal and do not expect, nor would ask, my wife to be like this...

...and yet the girl I have the most chance to marry someday WANTS to be somewhat like this, on her own volition.

And it's not because I "chose" a girl like this, either: As I said, housekeepers are cheap here, and I'm too nerdy to be surrounded by girls enough to choose "the one that is like this".

I am also quite liberal(more socialist) and I only expect one thing from my wife! Total obedience! And do you know wot the cheeky cow does when I tell her this?

She bloody laughs at me! Can you imagine that? Heh ohh and some times I get slapped:D

I voted that I'm a man and I do not expect this behavior.

My main objection is that the atricle painted a very lopsided servile picture. The way it works in my house is that since my wife and I both work, we share the household chores more or less equally. We take turns cooking dinner, for example. Since we've decided to use a laundromat for laundry we'll pr obably do that together. (they have pool tables) I clean the litterbox since she's pregnant. She does the dishes usually but sometimes I do just because.

Now, when I was working and she didn't, it was only fair that she did the lion's share of the housework and vice versa... When I lost my job and she was working, I did it.

Bottom line: fairness.

I can only assume the OP article was making the baseline assumption that it was only the husband working. While I see no problem with the wife doing the housework in that scenario, the servile tone was off kilter. It was as if she should have no thought in her head other than pleasing her husband, and that's stupid. One doesn't give up their sense of self just to get married. As someone already said, it's a partnership.
What I find stupid is when couples think that responsibilities and chores should be divided up based on gender. To me, that's like splitting up the chores based on hair color. It's totally arbitrary and often directly counterproductive.

There's not a single job in my household that couldn't be taken care of by a male, just like there's not a single job that couldn't be taken care of by a female. So why the hell would we use gender to decide who does what? There are so many more sensible ways to run the joint.

In some households, it makes sense for one partner to take on more than half of the domestic chores around the house. There's nothing inherently wrong with that.

What's wrong is when people assume that the partner who will be taking on more than half the chores should be female.

What's wrong is when people assume that one partner is entitled to have the other as a servant, instead of viewing it as a mutual household to which they both contribute.

What's wrong is when doing the chores that need to be done is viewed as demeaning and degrading, even though it's actually just what a mature and responsible adult will do. A friend of a friend once commented that my partner was "whipped" and that I had "made him my bitch" because my partner was folding his own laundry. What the crap. Grown men can fold their own shorts. Nothing demeaning about that.

Whilst in London, UK, the payment seems to be a least one new diamond ring a year! Damn you Yanks have it cheap! Can I send my wife over for retraining d'ya think?
Well, we're catching up to you. A friend of mine recently got married, and when he bought the wedding band they offered to sell it to him in a set. The set came with an engagement ring, the wedding band, and an "anniversary band," which apparently is an additional diamond ring you give her on your first wedding anniversary.

Well, we're catching up to you. A friend of mine recently got married, and when he bought the wedding band they offered to sell it to him in a set. The set came with an engagement ring, the wedding band, and an "anniversary band," which apparently is an additional diamond ring you give her on your first wedding anniversary.

Ahhhh heh my wife would no doubt call your freind a tightwad for making such a purchase. She is of course a lovely women, ohh but she can be harsh at times.

Well, we're catching up to you. A friend of mine recently got married, and when he bought the wedding band they offered to sell it to him in a set. The set came with an engagement ring, the wedding band, and an "anniversary band," which apparently is an additional diamond ring you give her on your first wedding anniversary.

Psh... isn't the first anniversary the "wood" anniversary. I don't know which one is diamond, but I think you have to wait 50 some odd years before that one comes. I know I won't be giving out extra diamonds for nothing....

Well, we're catching up to you. A friend of mine recently got married, and when he bought the wedding band they offered to sell it to him in a set. The set came with an engagement ring, the wedding band, and an "anniversary band," which apparently is an additional diamond ring you give her on your first wedding anniversary.

Which doubles as ANOTHER engagement ring, should you divorce before the first year is up! :D

Psh... isn't the first anniversary the "wood" anniversary. I don't know which one is diamond, but I think you have to wait 50 some odd years before that one comes. I know I won't be giving out extra diamonds for nothing....
Hey, you're preaching to the converted on this one. First off, I despise diamonds (because the diamond industry is teh ebil). Second, I strongly dislike the tradition of giving a woman an engagement ring because of where the tradition came from. And finally, I don't like expensive jewelry anyways. :D

Which doubles as ANOTHER engagement ring, should you divorce before the first year is up! :D
Now THAT would be awesome! Have your second wife's engagement ring perfectly match your first wife's wedding band!

I strongly dislike the tradition of giving a woman an engagement ring because of where the tradition came from.

Where did it come from? o_O

Now THAT would be awesome! Have your second wife's engagement ring perfectly match your first wife's wedding band!

I always thought the first anniversary was the "Divorce papers" anniversary. My relatives are such rednecks.

Where did it come from? o_O

I always thought it had to do with it being like a bond you know, binding one person to another. Sort of showing thats she's your property and no one else can have her. Of course to me its a two way street since the man is supposed to wear a wedding band too.

Where did it come from? o_O
Back in the day, a young woman had basically one "career path" open to her: getting married. She also had a pretty narrow window of time in which to pursue this goal. In her mid to late teens she would become eligible to entertain suitors. If she wasn't married by the time she hit her mid twenties, she was in serious trouble. It would be assumed that there was something wrong with her, that she was defective in some way, and this would become a self-fulfilling prophesy: everybody would assume she was unmarriageable for some reason, and so she wouldn't be able to get married.

If a young woman became engaged but then the engagement was broken, this was a serious cost to her. She might have 6 good years of availability to find a husband, total, and her engagement used up two of those years. It further "damaged" her because she would be implicitly blamed for the failure of the engagement, and there would also be speculations about how much of her virtue might have been compromised with her fiance.

Men did not face these consequences, of course. Males were expected to marry later in life, had a virtually unlimited range of years in which they were considered marriageable, and were expected to have extramarital sex. This resulted in a system where a young man had every reason to get engaged and little reason to worry about breaking the engagement.

So the engagement ring was introduced. In essence, the man was required to make a security deposit upon getting engaged. Should the engagement be broken, the woman would keep the expensive ring as compensation.

Please note: the WEDDING band is a separate tradition (at least in the Western world). The practice of exchanging rings when exchanging vows predates this engagement ring stuff.

So the engagement ring was introduced. In essence, the man was required to make a security deposit upon getting engaged. Should the engagement be broken, the woman would keep the expensive ring as compensation.

Sounds bizarre. Probably true.

Simply cut...

A wife needs to be a lady on the streets, a princess in the kitchen and a whore in bed.

I always thought the first anniversary was the "Divorce papers" anniversary. My relatives are such rednecks.

I know it's the paper anniversary...considering my first anniversary is coming up, I hope it's not those kind of papers...

Seriously, though. If my wife were acting the way the OP described, I would have her tested for drugs.

I revise the rules for today's wives: "Be nice, be sane, and don't jump down our throats at the first opportunity. Other than that, make it up as you go along." Incidentally, husbands are advised to do the same.

What's wrong is when doing the chores that need to be done is viewed as demeaning and degrading, even though it's actually just what a mature and responsible adult will do. A friend of a friend once commented that my partner was "whipped" and that I had "made him my bitch" because my partner was folding his own laundry. What the crap. Grown men can fold their own shorts. Nothing demeaning about that.

My wife actually prefers the way I fold it. I learned a trick on how to fold T-shirts that's really quick and neat ;)

Not to go off on a tangent but when you referred to the idea of being whipped it reminded me of something.

A few years ago a bunch of us guys were sitting around bored and we decided to go get some dinner and see a movie as a group. I picked up my cell, called my wife, and the conversation went something like this:

Me: "Hey it's me. Me and the guys are gonna get dinner and hit a movie or something so just fyi."
My wife: "Ok what time will you be home?"
Me: "I'm not sure, but if it's gonna be real late I'll call you."
My wife: "Alright. Love you."
Me: "Love you too. Bye."

(It was always implicit that if she was interested in joining us, that would be fine. She usually wasn't.)

This, to me, is common courtesy. My wife and I hadn't made plans or anything so I was just letting her know what was up so whe woudn't worry and she'd know to just fix dinner for herself and not worry about me.

That's when one of my buddies (the other married one) picked up his cell. His side of the conversation sounded something like this:

Him: "Hey honey. The guys and I were talking about going out for dinner then seeing a movie. Is that ok?"

<pause>

Him: "Well I'm not sure."

<looks up at us>
"What are we seeing?"
<we all shrug>
<followed by a long discussion on various movie times and locations>

"I'm guessing around seven or eight..."

<pause>

Him: "Oh I dunno. You can come if you want...."

<pause>

Him: "Ok well what time to I have to be home by?"

<pause>

Him: "Ok Honey. Love you."


There's a big difference between calling your wife to let her know what's up and calling your wife to request permission. THAT is an example of whippedness.

There's a big difference between calling your wife to let her know what's up and calling your wife to request permission. THAT is an example of whippedness.
This is true.

If my boyfriend goes out without me, I always ask, "What time should I start to worry?" This basically means, roughly when are you planning to be back, and at what point should I become concerned if you're not home? I don't care when it is, I just want to know at what point I should start calling emergency rooms or local drunk tanks looking for his sodden ass. :D

OP: sounds reasonable.

*prepares body armor before wife sees this post.:D*

According to my uncle (not really my uncle) Simon (not really named 'Simon'), the best source I know of for relationship advice, a good wife is someone who, "knows how to bandage a wound, drive a getaway car, reload a pump-action shotgun and perform CPR; a great wife can do all four things at the same time."

A good wife gets a good job so I can be a house husband.



:D J/K

Actually, so that I can go to grad school and pursue teaching something to someone somewhere, and live in the cushy lifestyle I've been accustomed to with my parents.

Meh, if being your husbands slave is your thing then have at it.

and if its not then dont. what makes the ppl posting here think that their opinion is right and everyone elses is wrong? thats more than a bit conceited :rolleyes:

A good wife gets a good job so I can be a house husband.

And hires a maid to cook and clean...or does it herself.

Hey, can you blame me for wanting to be a lazy bastard?

**puts on flame-retardant suit**

Meh, if being your husbands slave is your thing then have at it.

ehh, there are a lot of women who are into that sort of thing.

This is true.

If my boyfriend goes out without me, I always ask, "What time should I start to worry?" This basically means, roughly when are you planning to be back, and at what point should I become concerned if you're not home? I don't care when it is, I just want to know at what point I should start calling emergency rooms or local drunk tanks looking for his sodden ass. :D

I was once savagely berated on the air by the Greaseman for being whipped at a time I didn't even realize I was.

Back when I was a mechanic, I called my wife to let her know I was on my way home. She didn't feel like cooking and asked me to stop off at KFC for dinner. No problem. THEN she insisted that I come home first, pick up a coupon for like, $2.00 off or whatever, then go BACK out and use it to buy dinner.

One of my co-workers overheard this and sent the info in an E-mail to the Greaseman, who called me at 6:30 AM to rip me a new one. He said that this is how husbands lose the respect of their wives and that if I continued on this course, sooner or later I'd come home to find the wife blowing the mailman.

Each to their own. My partner is the centre of my world, whom I'd do (almost, but not quite) anything for, given the restirctions on my time (work full time and study part time). It is not a moral standpoint though, it is how I feel personally. What I feel is concern, care and security others may feel is restrictive and claustrophobic, and someones open egalatarianism can feel uncaring and distant...

This is true.

If my boyfriend goes out without me, I always ask, "What time should I start to worry?" This basically means, roughly when are you planning to be back, and at what point should I become concerned if you're not home? I don't care when it is, I just want to know at what point I should start calling emergency rooms or local drunk tanks looking for his sodden ass. :D

The rule with my wife and myself is, as long as I'm in bed by the time she wakes up.

and if its not then dont. what makes the ppl posting here think that their opinion is right and everyone elses is wrong? thats more than a bit conceited :rolleyes:

Heh well that is people though huh! You would be a strange person if you did not think that your own opinion was correct huh?

I couldn't do that. I need a house husband. I'm not domestic in the least.

Damned if that wouldn't be a nice way to live. I'm not sure that _ever_ happened like that, though.

That is totally ripped off some 50s book here in the US. I semi-expect that. A woman should not be so serving, but her primary job should be, when married, homemaker.

That is totally ripped off some 50s book here in the US. I semi-expect that. A woman should not be so serving, but her primary job should be, when married, homemaker.

Care to elaborate on why? All of your opinions are truly fascinating.

I'd perfer not to be married at all. Even being in a steady relationship is too much for me to handle. Way too exhuasting and time consuming and needy and clingy and bleh.

My wife is awesome. She treats me like this. Of course I have only been married a little over a year. My wife is actually better than this although it is really easy for her to light a fire because we have a gas insert. I am not 100% sure that my wife could light a fire although I taught her once.

If I had a wife of course I'd want her to be a dull, predictable house servant

PROTIP: You'll get in serious shit if you hand out fliers of the article at public schools.

I know this is funny stuff and outdated. In fact I don't believe this has ever really been the way in the US. However in my travels I have seen a few cultures where the wife is very much subservient to the husband. It is a bit surreal to see.

PROTIP: You'll get in serious shit if you hand out fliers of the article at public schools.

You wouldn't be taken seriously. Everyone would think it was a joke.

I'd perfer not to be married at all. Even being in a steady relationship is too much for me to handle. Way too exhuasting and time consuming and needy and clingy and bleh.

Yeah it's a pain in the ass sometimes. However I can say this with a straight face. A long term relationship is over all good for a person.

I do most of that stuff. My husband hardly complains....

I do most of that stuff. My husband hardly complains....

He shouldn't. ;)

Back to the kitchen and make me a sammich!

Frankly both spouses should do that or at least some of it to an extent. A marriage should be a partnership and each should show love for each other in many ways

Eh. None of that stuff is offensive so long as you see it as a choice rather than an obligation. If you have a married couple who both work, it makes less sense, but if only one does, then it's only common sense that that one do what needs to be done at home during the day. Not exactly scandalous, if it were worded in a neutral way at least. :p

Heh...I was kinda disappointed to see that nobody voted for the second option. I think that'd be kinda funny. I voted on the third. I'm more than just kinda disappointed with how many votes option 1 got.
Oh well.

That is totally ripped off some 50s book here in the US. I semi-expect that. A woman should not be so serving, but her primary job should be, when married, homemaker.

Why?

My mother stayed at home, well, that is, she quit her job after my little sister was born in order to stay home. However, the main reason she did so instead of my dad is that my father made more money at his job than she made at hers. He would have preferred to stay home, I think.

So, why is it the woman's job to be a homemaker?

Heh...I was kinda disappointed to see that nobody voted for the second option. I think that'd be kinda funny. I voted on the third. I'm more than just kinda disappointed with how many votes option 1 got.
Oh well.

As am I.

But then I'm used to disappointment.

Can I buy one of those women? :-p

Can I buy one of those women? :-p

From Russia. Or ...what was that Asian country I heard about??

:D
Ok, ok, but what about sex?

yeah this is totally the same as those 1950s 'how to be a good wife' images i've seen before. i don't even know if they were real to begin with.


i hope nobody these days expects a woman to do all those things just to fit a gender role of the 'good wife'. and certainly the tone is entirely wrong (obviously) if one is to take it seriously - clearly a man is no more important than a woman in any relationship or household (in fact i'd say its the other way round ;))

plus its outdated. don't most women these days work anyway? to me the very notion of a woman being a "housewife" seems strange.

It's about as reasonable as expecting that the middle aged housewife you see reading cosmo is going to go home and have sex standing on her head doing the splits. Just a different kind of fantasy.

Did anyone else think ; what the fuck is this site? Seriously, how did you even find it? Did you Google "weird indian university socialclub or is it a business"...?
I was looking for a list of things you will never, ever get again.

My uncle once taught me a Tamil saying(I forgotten the Tamil now) but transtlated into English it goes;

'When you are angry don't take it out on the wife, pick up a stick and beat the dog'

At least it give the wife a night off!

Why?

My mother stayed at home, well, that is, she quit her job after my little sister was born in order to stay home. However, the main reason she did so instead of my dad is that my father made more money at his job than she made at hers. He would have preferred to stay home, I think.

So, why is it the woman's job to be a homemaker?

Coz they are so blimmin' good at it?

Nooo! No make-up!
I like you. Too bad there aren't more who think like this. :)

From Russia.

In Soviet Russia, FOOD prepares wife for YOU!

I like you. Too bad there aren't more who think like this. :)
See, I think there's (almost) as much of a steroetypical view of what men's views about women are, as there is a stereotypical view about women and their role(s).

Sure, there's still a large amount of the world's male population that thinks in misogynist terms, but to lump all males into one frame of mind is (almost) as derogatory as saying women have specific roles that they should fulfil.

I'm not saying you necesarrily subscribe to such a view Kryozerkia, just making a point.

See, I think there's (almost) as much of a steroetypical view of what men's views about women are, as there is a stereotypical view about women and their role(s).

Sure, there's still a large amount of the world's male population that thinks in misogynist terms, but to lump all males into one frame of mind is (almost) as derogatory as saying women have specific roles that they should fulfil.

I'm not saying you necesarrily subscribe to such a view Kryozerkia, just making a point.

I realise that. :) And you make a valid point.

I realise that. :) And you make a valid point.
Danke.

Completely off-topic, I'm writing this in my Uni's library (epistemological scepticism can wait, for a while...) and I am at a complete loss without Firefox's insta-spellchecker.

Necesarrily, neccesarrily, necessarily...

*sigh*

So, why is it the woman's job to be a homemaker?

I've read that it is mainly because of traditions, because throughout history have it been best for the family when the man were working/hunting/doing the tough stuff, while women stayed home. You don't change a thousand year old tradtion through a couple of generations.

Oh, and I don't expect nor want my wife/girlfriend to be like that as I want an independent woman who has her own friends and activities so I'm not her only social input. Conversations like these are not that interesting:

"So what have you been doing today?"

"Umm, nothing... Just waited for you to come home."

"Haven't you done anything with your friends this week?"

"No... I've just been doing stuff at home 'till you had the time to be with me."

In Soviet Russia, FOOD prepares wife for YOU!

No. Tamil wife have dinner waiting for you. In Soviet Russia, wife have YOU waiting for DINNER.

Ladies, learn these five words:

"What, are your legs broken?"

Ladies, learn these five words:

"What, are your legs broken?"

I would never be so rude to my husband. You are supposed to treat people like you want to be treated. He wouldn't ever say something so mean to me.

Your husband, I am sure, would not treat you like a child or expect you to drop everything including your kids to cater to his every whim.

Ladies, learn these five words:

"What, are your legs broken?"

Men, learn to walk with an acquired limp.

Do it now.


At any rate, if I ever marry, I would want a wife.
Not some creepy stalker-robot-servant-drug-induced-glee-woman.

Well, I admit to liking the fantasy of having Belldandy from Ah! My Goddess as a girlfriend, but that has more to do with her good nature and sheer raw power (plus my liking for goddesses) than her being subservient or whatnot. (Especially seeing as she isn't subservient per se; she cooks well and cares for her partner, but isn't this creepy Tamil wife; it works like it does in shojo anime, not in creepy Tamil households). :p

The fact that she's a goddess would also sorta prevent me from mistreating her in any way, let alone treat her (probably what, thousands of years old?) like a child, even if I, a liberal and a pacifist, were ever in any way remotely inclined to do so. :p

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oh_My_Goddess%21

Ah well. Then again that's fantasy. In real life I'm a nice guy that doesn't get any girls, subservient or not.

If this is all that is required of a wife, I'll venture that wives will become obsolete within the next few years due to technological advances.

As for Smunk's recitation of the Golden Rule, I don't think this is really covered under that field, unless you'd also want your husband to treat you that way (if you were, for instance, ill and unable to take care of the household). Personally, I wouldn't want anyone to "cater to my every need". Washing dishes relaxes me, I like cooking, and makeup is silly. In any case my job is very non-stressful and can be done from my home, and if I don't help clean up I end up having no idea where anything is.

Your husband, I am sure, would not treat you like a child or expect you to drop everything including your kids to cater to his every whim.
*hits the tile floor*
...and that is how I became who I am today.

not in my house. today for example my dad was home before my mom so he made dinner. and when he getts home late my mom will make it.

Dinner should be made by whoever cooks BEST, gender be damned. :p

not in my house. today for example my dad was home before my mom so he made dinner. and when he getts home late my mom will make it.

If this is all that is required of a wife, I'll venture that wives will become obsolete within the next few years due to technological advances.

As for Smunk's recitation of the Golden Rule, I don't think this is really covered under that field, unless you'd also want your husband to treat you that way (if you were, for instance, ill and unable to take care of the household). Personally, I wouldn't want anyone to "cater to my every need". Washing dishes relaxes me, I like cooking, and makeup is silly. In any case my job is very non-stressful and can be done from my home, and if I don't help clean up I end up having no idea where anything is.

he actually treats me better than I treat him most of the time.

he actually treats me better than I treat him most of the time.

That's fine then.... sounds like a healthy (or at least fairly recent) marriage. As far as I can judge, never having married myself.

That's fine then.... sounds like a healthy (or at least fairly recent) marriage. As far as I can judge, never having married myself.

recent? :p we have been married for longer than it seems...if you asked me right now and I wasn't thinking I would say 6 months, but it's been more like 6 years. I guess in the grand scheme we are newly weds.

recent? :p we have been married for longer than it seems...if you asked me right now and I wasn't thinking I would say 6 months, but it's been more like 6 years. I guess in the grand scheme we are newly weds.

'Recent' was sarcastic. As I recall, you have two kids, and have probably been married for about a third of my lifetime. And given US divorce figures.... in the grand scheme, you're donuts and coffee.

I do work all day and leaving at seven and not getting back untill sit thirty with a lot of the hassels is very tiring, when I get home as my wife does not wish to work after all I am bringing home a very good salary she does not need to (before any feminists start screaming the house down she can work if she wants to she dosent choose to and niether of us have a problem with that) When I get home I would like a meal to be cooked for me after all why should I get home cook dinner clean the house go shopping while my wife relaxes goes out to lunch and wathces Dr Phil. just because some left wing bints think they do all the work in the family forgetting that this work only needs to be done because people are out all week working to allow a house.

On weekends and this is where a lot of women who say they are doing all the housework while thier husbands do nothing forget includes cleaning the cars fixing that window that keeps getting jammed, stopping that tap from leaking mowing the lawn trimming the hedges, cleaning out the shed and even when needed painting the house YES thats right even during the 50'S men were doing this and this IS A PART OF THE HOUSE WORK and it is usally the husbands that do this most women forget that those jobs are a part of the house work so when they say men don't do any housework they should stop and think about those jobs they never do

*snip*

While I'm sure you're an upstanding human being who believes in women's rights, your rather heated post fails to convey that within you...

I don't expect this behavior, but, when you ask it this way, I'm almost ready to scream out "Hell yeah! How much?"

I stumbled across this site ( http://www.e99tamils.com/ ) earlier on today...

excerpt below from: http://www.e99tamils.com/be_best_wife.shtml
"Here is a guide for a good family-minded wife:

Have dinner ready. Plan ahead even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for her husband’s return. This is a way of letting husband knows that you have been thinking about him and is concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home after work and the prospect of a good meal, especially his favorite dish can become as a part of the warm welcome.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when your husband arrives. Touchup your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. Do not forget to have your Pottu in your forehead. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people in his office.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for your husband. His boring day may need uplift and one of your duties is to provide it to your husband.

Clear away the clutter in the house. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your beloved husband arrives.

Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc and then run a dust clothes over the tables.

Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to
unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction as a good wife.

Prepare the children before he comes to home. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures for your husband and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet and welcome with a friendly smile. Always smile when you look at him and show him that you are the world for him.

Greet him with a warm smile when he enters the house and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Make the evening his one. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes like a typical Tamil woman. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. When woman walks above a grass garden even the grass will not be hurt by a walking woman. Softness means woman and it should be reflected when woman becomes a wife.

Don't ask him questions about his actions, judgment or integrity. Remember he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.

A Good Tamil wife knows her place."

I was personally appalled & somwhat contfronted. I am always happy to cook and clean on occasion for my man, but if this sort of behaviour was expected of me, I would resent it. To me, a marriage is a partnership. A woman's job is not to serve a husband like a slave, just as it's not neccisarily a man's sole job to be the 'breadwinner'. I suppose these relationship expectations are typical of the site's creator's personal culture, but... still.

Your thoughts?

I just crapped a little inside my mouth.