NationStates Jolt Archive

You know, I honestly do not care what people think, the only people who opinion actually are of any value to me is my girlfriend's and my family. Outside of that small sphere you could tell me your opinion about me till the Sun goes down and all you'll get from me is a shrug and probably a punch in the face or stomach.

However my girlfriend is not like that she worries about what other people think of her and wants to be liked by everyone. She also has Social Anxiety because of this and she is just worried that people won't like her or treat her like crap because of her disability. I can empathize with this, I mean I've been there, and I know how hard it is to be this wonderful and amazing person and yet all people see is your disability and make judgment based solely on that. People are idiots like that.

She wants to have the same attitude I have, she wants to not care about what people think, saving me and her family and my family. However, honestly I have no idea how I even did it. I guess it was a gradual process, I do remember realizing that I was never going to be 'normal' and went from there. I really wish I could lay out a plan for her so that she can become strong in this regard, however, I have no clue. Hopefully someone else on here can help me out.

and yes, this is me showing empathy towards another human being, so enjoy it while it last.

Dead baby jokes help.

I think emotional strength comes from suffering people calling you names and such, yes mother Teresa was right suffering is good!

*picks on small children*

You know, I honestly do not care what people think

you don't need to tell us that :p

I guess it was a gradual process, I do remember realizing that I was never going to be 'normal' and went from there.

And that's it right there. "Normal" works too well as "common", "obvious", and therefore, relatively valueless (information content/value).
Instead of focusing on the obvious, or common, as in any other case, she should concern herself with what is unique, innate, uncommon and brilliant about herself. I'm sure your interests would coincide with hers there.
:)

Dead baby jokes help.

that.

Have you considered steel reinforcement? I have some rebar here, but it might sting a bit going in. *nod*

well, once she realizes that everyone is basically a useless piece of shit slowly decaying until the day they die, then I think she'll stop caring what some piles of decaying organic matter think.

In other words, if one assumes a person is pitiful and useless, then their opinion ought to be as well. Short of that I don't know anyway to not care about what people think.

If you find out, I don't suppose you could tell me the secret?

two answers ... confidence ... build up her self esteme be that doing a martial art or something so she feels she can look after herself etc

The other option isnt so nice and could be way worse lol ... get everyone to abuse and pick on her until she no longer cares ... but her not caring might not be a good thing

seriously its all about self confidence ... get that up/high and she wont worry (in my opinion any way but im not a doctor just know a few lolol)

two answers ... confidence ... build up her self esteme be that doing a martial art or something so she feels she can look after herself etc

The other option isnt so nice and could be way worse lol ... get everyone to abuse and pick on her until she no longer cares ... but her not caring might not be a good thing

seriously its all about self confidence ... get that up/high and she wont worry (in my opinion any way but im not a doctor just know a few lolol)

Well that helps. Build up self-confidence.... brilliant effort.

Support the Kansas City Royals, or any team from Philadelphia.

After that, you can take anything life throws at you.

Well..if you punch somebody in the face or stomach for having an opinion about you..then obviously you DO care.

Anyways, you can't "lay out a plan" or anything for somebody else. They have to come to terms with themselves on their own. You can tell them all their good qualities til you are blue in the face but if they don't see it..it won't help.

Do 100 emotional sit ups and 100 emotional pushups every day.

:confused:Dead baby jokes help.

What's funnier than a dead baby?

A dead baby next to a kid with Downs' Syndrome

:confused:

What's funnier than a dead baby?

A dead baby next to a kid with Downs' Syndrome

BA ZING!

:confused:

What's funnier than a dead baby?

A dead baby next to a kid with Downs' Syndrome

No no, more along the lines of...


How do you make a dead baby float?

Get a glass of soda pop, and add two scoops of dead baby.

Do 100 emotional sit ups and 100 emotional pushups every day.

Or go on the EmotionWatchers diet.

You get 20 emotion points each day.

Crying is 10 points.

Feeling bad for a kid who fell of his bike is 5 points.

Getting pissed at idiot drivers is 3 points.

It's quite easy actually.

Simple. Act like an asshole. It seems to work for you.

Incidentally, if you don't honestly care what anyone else but your select cadre thinks, then why post here? Seriously -- can't you see how fake your bravado sounds when you "run it by" NSG?

You, my friend, deserve a cookie.

But I'm all out. Regrettably, as you know.

You know, I honestly do not care what people think, the only people who opinion actually are of any value to me is my girlfriend's and my family. Outside of that small sphere you could tell me your opinion about me till the Sun goes down and all you'll get from me is a shrug and probably a punch in the face or stomach.

However my girlfriend is not like that she worries about what other people think of her and wants to be liked by everyone. She also has Social Anxiety because of this and she is just worried that people won't like her or treat her like crap because of her disability. I can empathize with this, I mean I've been there, and I know how hard it is to be this wonderful and amazing person and yet all people see is your disability and make judgment based solely on that. People are idiots like that.

She wants to have the same attitude I have, she wants to not care about what people think, saving me and her family and my family. However, honestly I have no idea how I even did it. I guess it was a gradual process, I do remember realizing that I was never going to be 'normal' and went from there. I really wish I could lay out a plan for her so that she can become strong in this regard, however, I have no clue. Hopefully someone else on here can help me out.

and yes, this is me showing empathy towards another human being, so enjoy it while it last.

Simple. Act like an asshole. It seems to work for you.

Incidentally, if you don't honestly care what anyone else but your select cadre thinks, then why post here? Seriously -- can't you see how fake your bravado sounds when you "run it by" NSG?

No no, more along the lines of...


How do you make a dead baby float?

Get a glass of soda pop, and add two scoops of dead baby.

What's red and black all over it's skin?

A dead baby that's been electrocuted.

What's red and black and green all over it's skin?

The same baby 2 weeks later.

What's red and black all over it's skin?

A dead baby that's been electrocuted.

What's red and black and green all over it's skin?

The same baby 2 weeks later.

...Am I to be considered a dick for laughing out loud at this? :p

Normal, like cool and beautiful, are words that are hollow, have lost all meaning, and are used by corporate sleezebags to sell people crap. I am who I am, and people are free to disagree with me. I don't really care what a bunch of dim-witted sell-outs think. Oddly though, I don't get the shit beat out of me, like I sometimes expect ;)

On one hand, I think it's a good thing to consider the opinions of everyone. You just shouldn't overdo it to one side or the other. You two apparently make a perfect couple because your extremes meet at an optimized central point.

But that's not what you're here for, right? You wanted to hear how she can change.

At first, I think it's no big help to just tell you what attitude one should have to be the way you are. I think you know that yourself. Therefore, I'm not gonna tell you "Just tell her she should think of the rest of the world as dim-witted douchebags". No. I'm gonna give a little longer description of what actions you can actually take to become a litle laid-back in social affairs.

That's what I'd tell someone who wished to become less dependant on other people's opinions:

Start acting. Plant a tree. Walk the neighbour's dog. Anything that does not involve showing real people your real self. Once you are comfy with playing a role, you can reinvent yourself. What other think becomes meaningless, because they don't know you. You can be anyone. Learn that you're deeper than what people see of you. The dog and the tree are mainly to have your mind concentrate on the fact that there are things in this world that judge you by other means than your appearance. Focus less on social interaction. Learn that the world is larger than the minds of other people. Go through some adventure where you succeed in using your own special strength and weaknesses. Then, approach people on a field where they depend on your abilities. Your knowledge. Your experience, your agility, whatever. Help them. Realize yourself as the best in what you are best at. Accept that you have strength. Accept that you have weaknesses. Accept that every other person has the same. Stop thinking of "you" and "the others". Start seeing each one of them as a person like you are one.

Well ,the general idea of what I'm trying to say cannot really be put into words, I guess, especially since I have little experience in dealing with such problems in other people.

Hand out pamphlets on Stoicism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism). Though I am not sure how applicable it is.

If you aren't emotionally desensitized enough yet...

What's white and bounces up and down in a dead baby's crib?

Micheal Jackson's ass

What's red and in all 4 corners of the room?

Your baby playing with a chainsaw.

And the most classic of all the classics:

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a BMW?
I don't have a BMW in my garage.

You know what's even better than dead baby jokes?! Madelliene McCann jokes!!!

What's the difference between Madelleine McCann and the Pope?

The Pope died a virgin

How are Maddie's and Jonbenet Ramsey's parents alike?

They both know where their dead kid is buried

What's the difference between Madelliene McCann and Madelliene McCann jokes?

Madelliene McCann jokes will get old

Hand out pamphlets on Stoicism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stoicism). Though I am not sure how applicable it is.

Stoicism activist?

Stoicism activist?
*stone-cold expression*
Who? Me?
*is completely unmoved by your comment*

I have social anxiety, and I went to school with a bunch of screwed up kids. (I didn't go to a normal high school. And please, don't tell me there is no such thing as normal, BECAUSE THERE IS.)

The only way to build real confidence is to accomplish things. Fake confidence doesn't work - don't do positive visualization, or motivational music. The effect doesn't last long. Fake confidence is only useful if it helps you do something that will develop long term real confidence.

Also, check out this website, it has a lot of great advice.
http://succeedsocially.com/

Not caring what other people think is stupid. When you start screwing up, other people will notice. But since you don't care what others think, you'll just continue to screw up. I think the only reason you don't care is because you're bitter about past social rejections, so instead of accepting your failure you decided the people who mocked you don't matter. That gives you an unjustified sense of superiority. If you build this wall between yourself and everyone else, that's not the same thing as confidence. Real confidence is being able to look at the world objectively, not egotistically.

I might have read you totally wrong here, this is just based on my experience with people. Sorry if you don't fit that description... even though you probably do.

No no, more along the lines of...


How do you make a dead baby float?

Get a glass of soda pop, and add two scoops of dead baby.

I prefer;

How do you get a dead baby out of a blender?

With Doritos.

I prefer;

How do you get a dead baby out of a blender?

With Doritos.

Not bad, but here's this:


Why's there a dead baby in the trash?

Because the chef didn't realise it was rotten when he put it on the grill.

Not bad, but here's this:


Why's there a dead baby in the trash?

Because the chef didn't realise it was rotten when he put it on the grill.

What's funnier than twelve dead babies in a bin?

One dead baby in twelve bins.

Mind reading helmet?

i say do alot of drugs and zone out and dont pay attention to anyone around you. dont worry about pissing off or offending other people. say what you want when you want without regard to others. live your life for yourself and dont worry about making other people happy as long as youre happy... and if you cant be happy, make sure you make everyone else miserable, too. thats what i learned from dr. phil.

i say do alot of drugs and zone out and dont pay attention to anyone around you. dont worry about pissing off or offending other people. say what you want when you want without regard to others. live your life for yourself and dont worry about making other people happy as long as youre happy... and if you cant be happy, make sure you make everyone else miserable, too. thats what i learned from dr. phil.Lol

It is written that five warriors shall set out from the Forum to seek the Emotional Strength. They must cross the River of Rage and trek through the Forest of Fear. Then they must navigate the Swamps of Sloth and kill the dreaded Beast of Boredom, after which they must answer three questions to the Phoenyx who stands eternal guardian at the Gate of the White Way. They must proceed down the White Way, not looking to either side, else they will be lost; finally they must ascend the Mountain of Murder and defeat the Dragons of Despair to recover the secret of the Emotional Strength, before the evil Mordak the Malevolent does the same thing and steals the secret away from the Forum, rendering it a nation of brittle, weak-kneed crybabies for all eternity. Oh, and you have only 24 hours.
The Oracle has spoken!

...Am I to be considered a dick for laughing out loud at this? :p

If you are then so am I... I laughed at all of them.
:p
Except I still don't have one so, guess we're just sick minded individuals...

To the OP: Life makes you what you are, obviously ur gf hasn't lived much.

*stone-cold expression*
Who? Me?
*is completely unmoved by your comment*

Atlas Shrugged? :p

For that joke, I should just drop dead.

well, once she realizes that everyone is basically a useless piece of shit slowly decaying until the day they die, then I think she'll stop caring what some piles of decaying organic matter think.

In other words, if one assumes a person is pitiful and useless, then their opinion ought to be as well. Short of that I don't know anyway to not care about what people think.

Yeah, and it'll be OK to shephard them into gas chambers, too!

Yeah, and it'll be OK to shephard them into gas chambers, too!

So long as we follow I guess.

I prefer;

How do you get a dead baby out of a blender?

With Doritos.

Holy fuck! :eek:

Worst one i've ever heard, oddly enough.
And Colbert might just be a little offended. A little.
http://www.dosomething.org/files/Images/colbert_report_doritos_0.jpg
The guest brought the blender.

I'm not perceptive but I've noticed a common feature to all Wilgrove's threads of late, it's like he really wants us to notice something?

I think he's trying to tell us he's gay - this 'girlfriend' he keeps talking about is simply a substitute for his feminine side and hence he's really asking if people will view him differently because of his sexuality.

The father who disapproves is his own father, who thinks homosexuals are depraved sex-obsessed men.

It's okay Wilgrove - you don't have to stay inside the closet with us, it's not like you're a Republican senator, or are you? Perhaps your 'disability' is simply an expression of your political leanings.

Hmmm...

make jokes about your own short-comings. if you make them all then anything anyone else tries to pull will not even register.

I'm not perceptive but I've noticed a common feature to all Wilgrove's threads of late, it's like he really wants us to notice something?

I think he's trying to tell us he's gay - this 'girlfriend' he keeps talking about is simply a substitute for his feminine side and hence he's really asking if people will view him differently because of his sexuality.


Xandir?
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/9/91/Xandir.jpg/170px-Xandir.jpg

Xandir?
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/9/91/Xandir.jpg/170px-Xandir.jpg

Indeed - release the genie Wilgrove :)

I'm not perceptive but I've noticed a common feature to all Wilgrove's threads of late, it's like he really wants us to notice something?

I think he's trying to tell us he's gay - this 'girlfriend' he keeps talking about is simply a substitute for his feminine side and hence he's really asking if people will view him differently because of his sexuality.

The father who disapproves is his own father, who thinks homosexuals are depraved sex-obsessed men.

It's okay Wilgrove - you don't have to stay inside the closet with us, it's not like you're a Republican senator, or are you? Perhaps your 'disability' is simply an expression of your political leanings.

Hmmm...

You read too much into my posts.

Practice. I think some are born with (or coaxed) it. Some learn it.. some never get it... I'm in the realm of I was born with it, and learned some. I can worship my man and at the same time I dominate. I'm more dominate than anything I guess, but unlike my mothers side.. I am not smothered with pride, If I'm wrong I will say so and own up to it. But every woman in my family I've ever known has always been the home ruler. I have yet to see a totally submissive woman in my family. I didn't even know they existed til I started watching lifetime, and started reading certain peoples post on line.

Edit: Ok damn. I thought you were talking about another emotional strength.
What is her disability? Either way, it's got to come from within. No matter how much she tries to mkae her outside seem better to outsiders she's styill gonna feel shitty if she doesn't feel good about herself on the inside. That's a given. I was over hearing a Dr. Phil show the other day.. adn I listened to a young girl talk about how she doesn't fit in. she's fat and ugly etc.. I was expecting to see a freakin cow. When she stepped up on that stage I felt like slapping her. She was pretty and built like a brick shit house. Period. I actually said outloud.. 'let your ass get breast cancer and see what you have to say'. IMO she was a spoiled little pretty ass blonde girl. Now I don't know exactly what this chic you are talking about has. She could have something that disforms her.. and yeah she will get loks etc. But I dont care what it is... No matter who.. no matter what. You have got to feel good about yourself. I have not 'been there' .. so no. I have no idea just how nasty ppl can be. But I knnow one thing. You have to feel good about yourself. Yo0u could look like a freakin modwel, but if tyou don't feel good about yourself.. it means nothing.

You know, I honestly do not care what people think, the only people who opinion actually are of any value to me is my girlfriend's and my family. Outside of that small sphere you could tell me your opinion about me till the Sun goes down and all you'll get from me is a shrug and probably a punch in the face or stomach.

However my girlfriend is not like that she worries about what other people think of her and wants to be liked by everyone. She also has Social Anxiety because of this and she is just worried that people won't like her or treat her like crap because of her disability. I can empathize with this, I mean I've been there, and I know how hard it is to be this wonderful and amazing person and yet all people see is your disability and make judgment based solely on that. People are idiots like that.

She wants to have the same attitude I have, she wants to not care about what people think, saving me and her family and my family. However, honestly I have no idea how I even did it. I guess it was a gradual process, I do remember realizing that I was never going to be 'normal' and went from there. I really wish I could lay out a plan for her so that she can become strong in this regard, however, I have no clue. Hopefully someone else on here can help me out.

and yes, this is me showing empathy towards another human being, so enjoy it while it last.

Colonel Tigh? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=674Dqrlk_r8) :D

You know, I honestly do not care what people think, the only people who opinion actually are of any value to me is my girlfriend's and my family. Outside of that small sphere you could tell me your opinion about me till the Sun goes down and all you'll get from me is a shrug and probably a punch in the face or stomach.

And you consider this emotionally healthy?

An edit to last post ..



Edit: Ok damn. I thought you were talking about another emotional strength.
What is her disability? Either way, it's got to come from within. No matter how much she tries to mkae her outside seem better to outsiders she's styill gonna feel shitty if she doesn't feel good about herself on the inside. That's a given. I was over hearing a Dr. Phil show the other day.. adn I listened to a young girl talk about how she doesn't fit in. she's fat and ugly etc.. I was expecting to see a freakin cow. When she stepped up on that stage I felt like slapping her. She was pretty and built like a brick shit house. Period. I actually said outloud.. 'let your ass get breast cancer and see what you have to say'. IMO she was a spoiled little pretty ass blonde girl. Now I don't know exactly what this chic you are talking about has. She could have something that disforms her.. and yeah she will get loks etc. But I dont care what it is... No matter who.. no matter what. You have got to feel good about yourself. I have not 'been there' .. so no. I have no idea just how nasty ppl can be. But I knnow one thing. You have to feel good about yourself. Yo0u could look like a freakin modwel, but if tyou don't feel good about yourself.. it means nothing.

Theres many different kinds of confidence.

The only kind I know anything about is performing in front of people, and the trick is, that while youre doing it, to pretend like your the best thing theyre ever going to see tonight.
When your done, and talking to those you performed in front of, be humble, and when they compliment you, say thanks.

The thing is, to portray confidence in what youre doing. If you can, then it doesnt matter how good you are, others will see what you want them to.

It really comes down to being comfortable in your own skin.
If you need help with that, see a shrink, or a take a martial art class.

You read too much into my posts.

No, I read too many of your posts :)

I don’t think you get a stronger character by tips from the people here.

- Off the record -

Btw, why are you all giving advice about a subject you know shit about?
Your cliché answers will not work and no Social Anxiety isn’t fun.
Some of your answers are even dangerous.
Why do you do this anyway?
If one would ask me to build a new WTC, I would answer ‘Sorry, can’t help, I don’t know anything about architecture, constructing or building.

But most of you, would give advice how to build it, without knowing even the essentials of architecture.
And what would be the result, when someone would take your advice seriously? Yes, a disaster.

Weird.



- Back on track -

The weak character isn’t the problem, it’s just a symptom. It’s better to fight the cause: Social Anxiety.

IMHO, your girlfriend should think about cognitive-behavioral therapy.
This one is working very very well. It’s a short term therapy and is giving very nice results.

There’s even software (yes really) around that is working fine. Your girlfriend will interact with a piece of software instead of a therapist.

It’s cheap and in some occasions the only route that can be followed. But in most cases a therapist is better, of course.

I would not opt for medicines.
Benzodiazepines could work for a short time (for one evening) but the disadvantages are not lovely.

Check these lines:
http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/ccbtherapy.html
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/therapies/cognitivebehaviouraltherapy.aspx

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v202/mikwi/1194135885557.png

Acting like and asshole and hitting people who irritate you is, interestingly enough, the polar opposite of "not caring". It actually shows some great emotional weakness, rather than strength...you know, inability to control rage in a civilized manner and act like a mature adult rather than a pouty 6 year old on the playground?


- Off the record -

Btw, why are you all giving advice about a subject you know shit about?
Your cliché answers will not work and no Social Anxiety isn’t fun.
Some of your answers are even dangerous.
Why do you do this anyway?
If one would ask me to build a new WTC, I would answer ‘Sorry, can’t help, I don’t know anything about architecture, constructing or building.

But most of you, would give advice how to build it, without knowing even the essentials of architecture.
And what would be the result, when someone would take your advice seriously? Yes, a disaster.

Weird.


a)there is no "off the record". You posted it, you are responsible for it.
b) anyone doub enough to solicit and accept advice off the Internet deserves precisely what they recieve. Anyone who is genuinely interested in helping someone with Social Anxiety Disorder would take them to see a trained medical professional who could actually maybe do something for them. If this person needs to be told that a DISORDER may need to be professionally treated, they again deserve the advice the Internet provides.




And what's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of bowling balls?


You can't move a pile of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

You know, I honestly do not care what people think, the only people who opinion actually are of any value to me is my girlfriend's and my family. Outside of that small sphere you could tell me your opinion about me till the Sun goes down and all you'll get from me is a shrug and probably a punch in the face or stomach.

However my girlfriend is not like that she worries about what other people think of her and wants to be liked by everyone. She also has Social Anxiety because of this and she is just worried that people won't like her or treat her like crap because of her disability. I can empathize with this, I mean I've been there, and I know how hard it is to be this wonderful and amazing person and yet all people see is your disability and make judgment based solely on that. People are idiots like that.

She wants to have the same attitude I have, she wants to not care about what people think, saving me and her family and my family. However, honestly I have no idea how I even did it. I guess it was a gradual process, I do remember realizing that I was never going to be 'normal' and went from there. I really wish I could lay out a plan for her so that she can become strong in this regard, however, I have no clue. Hopefully someone else on here can help me out.

and yes, this is me showing empathy towards another human being, so enjoy it while it last.

You can't. She is a woman. [/Nietzsche]

You, my friend, deserve a cookie.

But I'm all out. Regrettably, as you know.

Most kind. I shall...imagine...that you are in full supply of cookies and that I have received one. Mmmmmm. Thank you!

I'm not perceptive but I've noticed a common feature to all Wilgrove's threads of late, it's like he really wants us to notice something?

I think he's trying to tell us he's gay - this 'girlfriend' he keeps talking about is simply a substitute for his feminine side and hence he's really asking if people will view him differently because of his sexuality.

The father who disapproves is his own father, who thinks homosexuals are depraved sex-obsessed men.

It's okay Wilgrove - you don't have to stay inside the closet with us, it's not like you're a Republican senator, or are you? Perhaps your 'disability' is simply an expression of your political leanings.

Hmmm...

*blinks*

That's brilliant! It's certainly a more elegant explanation than anything Wilgrove himself has posted.

I don’t think you get a stronger character by tips from the people here.

- Off the record -

Btw, why are you all giving advice about a subject you know shit about?
Your cliché answers will not work and no Social Anxiety isn’t fun.
Some of your answers are even dangerous.
Why do you do this anyway?
If one would ask me to build a new WTC, I would answer ‘Sorry, can’t help, I don’t know anything about architecture, constructing or building.

But most of you, would give advice how to build it, without knowing even the essentials of architecture.
And what would be the result, when someone would take your advice seriously? Yes, a disaster.

Weird.



- Back on track -

The weak character isn’t the problem, it’s just a symptom. It’s better to fight the cause: Social Anxiety.

IMHO, your girlfriend should think about cognitive-behavioral therapy.
This one is working very very well. It’s a short term therapy and is giving very nice results.

There’s even software (yes really) around that is working fine. Your girlfriend will interact with a piece of software instead of a therapist.

It’s cheap and in some occasions the only route that can be followed. But in most cases a therapist is better, of course.

I would not opt for medicines.
Benzodiazepines could work for a short time (for one evening) but the disadvantages are not lovely.

Check these lines:
http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/ccbtherapy.html
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/therapies/cognitivebehaviouraltherapy.aspx

You don't approve of cliche answers? Your advice should then be "don't ask an online forum." You clearly know very little about the problem yourself. You think that bieng treated for something makes you an expert? Or are you going to tell us you're a mental health professional? Either way, it doesn't matter, because this is not the place to come with serious inquiries about potential psychological conditions. Humorous or informal inquiries? Absolutely, and then, guess what? You get what you get.

Personally, I'm going with the whole closet posit.

If anyone does find the answer to this, let me know, because if my girlfriend could manage her social/emotional difficulties a bit better than she can at the moment then everyone will be a little more happy :)

You don't approve of cliche answers? Your advice should then be "don't ask an online forum." You clearly know very little about the problem yourself. You think that bieng treated for something makes you an expert? Or are you going to tell us you're a mental health professional? Either way, it doesn't matter, because this is not the place to come with serious inquiries about potential psychological conditions. Humorous or informal inquiries? Absolutely, and then, guess what? You get what you get.

Personally, I'm going with the whole closet posit.

It's not a patient that's seeking for help, but a friend.

I clearly know very little about the problem? Sure, that's why I recognized the main problem and gave advice about a therapy that probably will work.

Who said I'm being treated for SA?

And what if I studied psychology? It isn't the hardest subject in the world.

It's not about being humorous, it's about talking shit about a subject you know shit. That's not being humorous, but it's all about being a dumb jerk.

snip*

Playing overly-violent video games for 18 hours straight should de-sensitive her for the whole week.

Personally, I'm going with the whole closet posit.

Hey! You're a poet, and you didn't even know it!


...


<.<
>.>

sorry. I'll let myself out.

Btw, why are you all giving advice about a subject you know shit about?
Your cliché answers will not work and no Social Anxiety isn’t fun.
Some of your answers are even dangerous.
Why do you do this anyway?
If one would ask me to build a new WTC, I would answer ‘Sorry, can’t help, I don’t know anything about architecture, constructing or building.

But most of you, would give advice how to build it, without knowing even the essentials of architecture.
And what would be the result, when someone would take your advice seriously? Yes, a disaster.

Weird.



This is the age of Wikipedia, when everyone is an expert.

I can't say I'm an expert on SAD because I suffer from it. If anything, I'm less of an expert than the next guy simply because I still suffer from it whereas the next guy has managed to get over it through some miracle.

I was severely depressed. Now I'm not. How did I get over it? Frankly, I don't have any idea -- it just happened, nothing to do with meds or therapists (neither of which helped).

Bottom line is, I forgot my point. Anyone else for tea?

You know, I honestly do not care what people think, the only people who opinion actually are of any value to me is my girlfriend's and my family. Outside of that small sphere you could tell me your opinion about me till the Sun goes down and all you'll get from me is a shrug and probably a punch in the face or stomach.

However my girlfriend is not like that she worries about what other people think of her and wants to be liked by everyone. She also has Social Anxiety because of this and she is just worried that people won't like her or treat her like crap because of her disability. I can empathize with this, I mean I've been there, and I know how hard it is to be this wonderful and amazing person and yet all people see is your disability and make judgment based solely on that. People are idiots like that.

She wants to have the same attitude I have, she wants to not care about what people think, saving me and her family and my family. However, honestly I have no idea how I even did it. I guess it was a gradual process, I do remember realizing that I was never going to be 'normal' and went from there. I really wish I could lay out a plan for her so that she can become strong in this regard, however, I have no clue. Hopefully someone else on here can help me out.

and yes, this is me showing empathy towards another human being, so enjoy it while it last.


I think that the exact same sort of events that cause you to not really care about what others think of you is the same sort of things that caused your girflfriend to take the opposite approach. When people are the subject of some really nasty negative judgment that they do not believe is justified they either recognize that people will say and think all kinds of nasty things about you but the only thing that matters is that a very small number of folks understand you, or they think "Hmmm maybe there is something wrong with me after all and get really worked up about how people perceive them and thoughts along those lines. Sometimes in really emotionally damaging situations you first have one response and then transition to the other after your one response brings you a lot of sorrow.

This is the age of Wikipedia, when everyone is an expert.

I can't say I'm an expert on SAD because I suffer from it. If anything, I'm less of an expert than the next guy simply because I still suffer from it whereas the next guy has managed to get over it through some miracle.

I was severely depressed. Now I'm not. How did I get over it? Frankly, I don't have any idea -- it just happened, nothing to do with meds or therapists (neither of which helped).

Bottom line is, I forgot my point. Anyone else for tea?


Yes, you're right. The Wikigeneration... *argh*

Good for you that you could cure by yourself.
I agree that people, in general, seek too fast for drugs or therapy.

Being patient and allowing that 'time' is performing its job, is sometimes better.

However, for some 'disorders' (I hate that word, I prefer 'problems'), therapy can quicken the cure.
For some 'problems' it could be a real life saver, such as anorexia nervosa & anorexia bulimia.

It's not a patient that's seeking for help, but a friend.

I clearly know very little about the problem? Sure, that's why I recognized the main problem and gave advice about a therapy that probably will work.

Who said I'm being treated for SA?

And what if I studied psychology? It isn't the hardest subject in the world.

It's not about being humorous, it's about talking shit about a subject you know shit. That's not being humorous, but it's all about being a dumb jerk.

Ah, so you recognized the main problem, according to your expert analysis of a couple of posts in a thread? Amazing.

It is always about being humorous. Why? Because it is the height of comedy to come here looking for genuine assistance on such a topic, and you know it. Wilgrove wants attention, and this "I AM DISLIKED, THEREFORE EVERYONE ELSE IS WRONG" phase he's going through is endemic to a certain age level and social subset. So he comes here instead of, say, the NIH or APA websites or any other potentially legitimate source for help.

More comical still is your attempt to "come to the rescue" and save the poor lad from us mean 'ol NSG denizens who can smell this bullshit a mile away.

You may have had experience with this, but you're actually ruling out therapies in your posts. That ignores a basic truth about psychiatric evaluation, and that is that we are all different. Coming to NSG for help on something potentially serious like that is akin to going to Ronald McDonald for advice on what to do about fiber in your diet.

Wilgrove needs to get his priorities figured out, and you, well, you have fine intentions, so I can't fault you, but I reserve the right to, openly and without mercy, mock the living hell out of Wilgrove, up to the extent the forum rules allow.

Playing overly-violent video games for 18 hours straight should de-sensitive her for the whole week.
I wish I had 18 straight hours to play violent video games... :(
Ah, so you recognized the main problem, according to your expert analysis of a couple of posts in a thread? Amazing.

It is always about being humorous. Why? Because it is the height of comedy to come here looking for genuine assistance on such a topic, and you know it. Wilgrove wants attention, and this "I AM DISLIKED, THEREFORE EVERYONE ELSE IS WRONG" phase he's going through is endemic to a certain age level and social subset. So he comes here instead of, say, the NIH or APA websites or any other potentially legitimate source for help.

More comical still is your attempt to "come to the rescue" and save the poor lad from us mean 'ol NSG denizens who can smell this bullshit a mile away.

You may have had experience with this, but you're actually ruling out therapies in your posts. That ignores a basic truth about psychiatric evaluation, and that is that we are all different. Coming to NSG for help on something potentially serious like that is akin to going to Ronald McDonald for advice on what to do about fiber in your diet.

Wilgrove needs to get his priorities figured out, and you, well, you have fine intentions, so I can't fault you, but I reserve the right to, openly and without mercy, mock the living hell out of Wilgrove, up to the extent the forum rules allow.

LOLZ! PWNT!

Ah, so you recognized the main problem, according to your expert analysis of a couple of posts in a thread? Amazing.

It is always about being humorous. Why? Because it is the height of comedy to come here looking for genuine assistance on such a topic, and you know it. Wilgrove wants attention, and this "I AM DISLIKED, THEREFORE EVERYONE ELSE IS WRONG" phase he's going through is endemic to a certain age level and social subset. So he comes here instead of, say, the NIH or APA websites or any other potentially legitimate source for help.

More comical still is your attempt to "come to the rescue" and save the poor lad from us mean 'ol NSG denizens who can smell this bullshit a mile away.

You may have had experience with this, but you're actually ruling out therapies in your posts. That ignores a basic truth about psychiatric evaluation, and that is that we are all different. Coming to NSG for help on something potentially serious like that is akin to going to Ronald McDonald for advice on what to do about fiber in your diet.

Wilgrove needs to get his priorities figured out, and you, well, you have fine intentions, so I can't fault you, but I reserve the right to, openly and without mercy, mock the living hell out of Wilgrove, up to the extent the forum rules allow.


I didn't rescue anyone.

I only gave advice to visit a therapist 'cause IMHO people suffering from SAD should think about following cognitive-behavioural therapy.

It's a short therapy and the results are amazing.

Even if the poster is seeking attention and maybe his girlfriend isn't having SAD at all BUT maybe someone who is suffering from this mental problem for real and detects my posting, could start solving it.

I assume you're not aware how many real serious mental problems stay undetected and are just buried under the excuse of having a difficult or weird character...

It’s seems that you are suffering a little from an obsessive-compulsive disorder personality, isn’t? :p

I feel like I know something about dealing with unusual anxiety because I've had it my whole life and I've learned how to function more or less normally with it. Anyone who matches that description knows something about it.

I think professional help is overrated. In my life, every time a professional has stepped in they've made things worse. I know that this experience isn't true for most people… but it’s dangerous to trust people like that just because you’re supposed to, they can take advantage of your weakness.

I feel like I know something about dealing with unusual anxiety because I've had it my whole life and I've learned how to function more or less normally with it. Anyone who matches that description knows something about it.

I think professional help is overrated. In my life, every time a professional has stepped in they've made things worse. I know that this experience isn't true for most people… but it’s dangerous to trust people like that just because you’re supposed to, they can take advantage of your weakness.



I don't think it is overrated, but it is sometimes misused. A therapist plays the song the customers, uhm patients, want to hear.

It could be overrated for you, but not for other people. And also it is linked with the mental problem it self. Mental problem A can be cured by yourself, but Mental problem B isn't. And again by seeking help, it is possible that you're cured faster and 'better'.


For cognitive-behavioural therapy, there's empirical evidence that it is working. And since you're not stuck to the therapy for years, it's more than worth a try.

You can't really talk of emotional strength. I mean what, your anger can bench-press more than Bob's? How can you possibly quantify?

It is always about being humorous. Why? Because it is the height of comedy to come here looking for genuine assistance on such a topic, and you know it. Wilgrove wants attention, and this "I AM DISLIKED, THEREFORE EVERYONE ELSE IS WRONG" phase he's going through is endemic to a certain age level and social subset. So he comes here instead of, say, the NIH or APA websites or any other potentially legitimate source for help.
Aye, therein lies the problem. People who come to a random online game to seek medical, or career, or relationship advice either a) are incapable of interacting with real people and therefore have no way of contacting, say, friends or doctors; b) are attention whores; or c) a combination of both.

Then again, when you think about it, the internet is full of attention whores. If you've ever started a blog, created a MySpace page, or written a thread on NationStates, you're an attention whore. ("LOOK! I HAVE AN OPINION! READ IT!") And many 'net users do prefer to couch things in writing because they have no friends in real life and feel uncomfortable talking to people, like me. Nowt anywoon can do aboot it.

Then again, when you think about it, the internet is full of attention whores. If you've ever started a blog, created a MySpace page, or written a thread on NationStates, you're an attention whore. ("LOOK! I HAVE AN OPINION! READ IT!") And many 'net users do prefer to couch things in writing because they have no friends in real life and feel uncomfortable talking to people, like me. Nowt anywoon can do aboot it.

It's not about the "no friends loser lol" meme, actually. It's about efficiency. This whole, mass-communications, mass-media thing.

Now sure, I COULD go to my friends, and I could rant for several minutes about some political issue.

On the other hand, I could post here, where (ostensibly) politics is a reason we're all here (unlike my friends), and get far more attention. I would think more people read NSG threads than most people have (real) friends. Mostly because people don't have the capacity to have hundreds of friends... ya always got a group of real friends, and then branching outward, the acquaintances.

Why, since it's in writing, people will actually be able to read and review my thoughts - instead of, in the case of me ranting, my words just popping out and disappearing into the past, never to be retreived again.

Quted from AB Again
Support the Kansas City Royals, or any team from Philadelphia.

After that, you can take anything life throws at you.

For that matter Detroit's Baseball or football teams... ... Go Lion's and Tigers! Boo Bears! Oh my! ouch... I apologize for this stupidity...:eek:

I wish I had 18 straight hours to play violent video games... :(


LOLZ! PWNT!

Where the shaol have you been?!?

That doesn't seem like social anxiety as much as a need to please everyone, which would lean more toward a dependent personality style.

A look in the DSM IV-TR under Dependent Personality Disorder might be helpful (though I would not dare even try to apply Dep. PD to your gf, as she may just have a dependent style and I don't even know her). Many times someone with a style will also have Axis I indicators such as, in the dependent's case, anxiety, depression, somatization, etc etc.

Like I said, I'd never assume to try and pinpoint someone through second-hand accounts on the internet, but if this need to please everyone is disturbing enough to her, then she could benefit from seeking the help of a professional who can help her understand why she feels that need. If it isn't a problem for her, then there isn't really anything that needs to be addressed! Essentially the problem would lie with your perception of her having a problem relative to your own personality.

I ask that you don't view my recommendation as a negative thing, as everyone could use some insight into their motivations, needs, and desires. Talking to a professional about such things receives such a negative stigma, and as a person working towards his PhD in Clinical Psychology, I can understand how that might the interpreted.

I wish I had 18 straight hours to play violent video games... :(


LOLZ! PWNT!

HOLY CRAP! FD IS BACK!!!!!

omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg

I think a lot of people who experience anxiety over the opinions of others are somehow trapped in the idea that they can conceivably please everyone. They feel that if they fail to live up to the expectations of EVRYBODY else that it somehow indicates a weakness or a failure.

I can see how that would be especially acute in someone with a disability, where they may tend to interpret every outside disapproval as being somehow related to their disability.

And anyone who says they don't care what ANYBODY thinks is lying, either to the world or to themselves.

Wilgrove hit the nail on the head in the OP. He said he cares what his girlfriend and his family think. That's how we deal with that kind of anxiety... by accepting that we can't please everyone and thus we become selective in whom we do care about pleasing. Some people's opinion of us DO matter, whether we want them to or not. A boss, teacher, etc. Close family, especially a spouse or girl/boyfriend. Those are people whose opinion of us matters, and rightly so. (Just don't lose who you are by trying too hard to impress them. Some people simply can't BE impressed.)

The other part is accepting that in the vast majority of cases, people will think what they want to think and there's very little you can do to change it... whioch makes sense considering you probably, honestly have very little consciously to do with their opinino in the first place. Most people are just plain judgemental and they'll judge you by your car, your clothes, your religion and yes, a disability all too often. Being as there's little you can do, then it truly is pointless to be concerned about it.

Now learn it to the extent that they don't even have enough power over you to make you angry enough to hit them ;)

If she's been diagnosed, why isn't she under the care of a psychologist? If she's taking meds, why isn't she under the care of a psychiatrist? If she is and you didn't mention it in the OP, then let them do their work. If she isn't, that needs to be fixed.

take a deep breath and face your fears, whatever they are.
usually fear is emotionally driven by what we think others think.
how irrational is that?
find your core, be honest with yourself.:) what they are thinking is their own business and NOT YOURS.

Just let her surf /b/ for a few days, she will get mentally broken down after a while. When she recovers, nothing will be able to break her!