NationStates Jolt Archive

This weekend I attended the wedding of two of my very good friends. They're awesome people, they love each other, and I think they're good for one another. I love seeing people I care about doing things that make them very happy. This is why I loved their wedding.

But.

Over the course of the weekend I found myself compiling a list of things that make me hate weddings.

--Pachelbel's Cannon in D, the Wedding March, Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring. Pick a new playlist.

--Calla lilies, daisies, and most of all roses. There are other flowers than these, you know, and roses smell like ass.

--DJs who introduce the couple as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith." Welcome to the 21st century, where women have names.

--The bride and her father dancing to "Butterfly Kisses." If you're going to bother doing the bride-FotB dance, at least pretend to have picked out a song that was personally meaningful.

--Total strangers who talk to your boyfriend about what a shame it is to see the groom "losing his balls" by getting married, how all women want is a ring and a wedding, and joking about how your boyfriend is probably "next on the matrimonial hit list"...while you're sitting right there next to them. Look, annoying stranger, if we're going to get through this night sitting at the same table then you're going to have to get over your "girls have cooties and marriage is teh sux" phase before you end up with a champagne flute jammed into the back of your head.

--Uncomfortable shoes on every single woman in attendance. Or, more precisely, under every table and ringing the entire dance hall, since every woman at the reception has removed her toe-crushing ankle-killing foot-binding torture shoes within 30 seconds of arrival. This most especially applies to bridesmaids. They're going to be standing and running around for most of the wedding and reception (in my experience), so please don't cripple the poor girls with brutal footwear.

--Sea shells. No joke, the last THREE weddings I've attended all used sea shells to decorate programs and scatter across the tables and such. It's really, really over-used at this point.

--Tossing of the bouquet. If your wedding has 25 single female guests, there will be 2-3 of them who are stoked about catching the bouquet. The rest will suddenly decide they need to go to the lavatory when the bouquet-tossing is announced.


Feel free to add more of your own.

--Uncomfortable shoes on every single woman in attendance. Or, more precisely, under every table and ringing the entire dance hall, since every woman at the reception has removed her toe-crushing ankle-killing foot-binding torture shoes within 30 seconds of arrival. This most especially applies to bridesmaids. They're going to be standing and running around for most of the wedding and reception (in my experience), so please don't cripple the poor girls with brutal footwear.


I've never really understood people's fascination with shoes at formal events...or in general. Seriously, of all the clothing options and such, shoes are important? Why the hell are people looking at other people's feet, anyway? And, unless the shoes are some weird ass shape, at a glance won't they look the same as anything else anyway? I encourage people to wear tennis shoes to all normal events and then big fucking clown shoes to formal events so that this silliness stops! :D

Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray Sirus

Every wedding I've ever been too plays this song. Everyone thinks it's incredibly white trash, but that doesn't stop the entire audience from getting up and line dancing. Except for me as I refuse to surrender my dignity to showoff my ability to step with other people.

Get a real fucking band people, save the DJ's for proms.

A fun fact: 40% of people who catch the bouquet end up commiting suicide out of lonliness. Not really, but it's still funny how seriously people take that crap. Fights mays as well occur.

I use to hate going to weddings, because the old ladies would always look at me and say, "You're next." with a wink.


They stopped when I started saying that to them at funerals.

Cyrus, not Sirus.

i work at weddings a lot as a waiter and bartender. the main thing i hate about them are the older relatives of the bride and groom getting all fussy about things they perceive as wrong or not good enough for their precious newly-weds. like the forks aren't shiny enough or the napkins are slightly wonky or can we have another box of champagne. no, you've drank all the champagne you paid for, if you wanted more you should have ordered more. i'm now going to charge you £50 for every new bottle you open. more often than not the couple doesn't care and are embarrassed to find out their relatives are being annoying.

but really, those are minor annoyances. if it wasn't for weddings i wouldn't eat or drink and i would only get my base rate of pay of £5.70 per hour. i basically live off tips and ghost.

actually the worst is the bands/DJs playing the most god-awful shite. fortunately i live in scotland so most weddings have ceilidh bands which are great, but every now and then the wedding band is just some fucking cover's band playing the dregs of the worst sappy crap that the last 40 years has produced.

i love weddings where people drink too much and a fight starts

Cyrus, not Sirus.

Didn't care enough to check then, don't care enough to edit now.

I also hate the thousands of times some old lady will introduce me to their grandaugther, or neice.

"Look honey, this is the bride's handsom young *insert relation*."

"This is a wedding lady, not the love connection. Whore your fugly relative elsewhere."

the damned things just take too long.

unless you are extremely close to the bride and groom who wants that much of a committment of time? you have to shop for a present (in my mind much worse than spending money on someone you dont know well enough to know what they might like) you have to figure out what to wear (and, god forbid, sometimes have to shop for something new) you have to go to the ceremony then travel onwards to the reception. then you spend hours at the worst party format ever developed.

the only relief from the horror of it all is if some guests are trashy enough to get drunk and start a fist fight or if one of the bridesmaids gets caught screwing someone's boyfriend in the cloak room.

did i mention that im not fond of going to weddings?

"This is a wedding lady, not the love connection. Whore your fugly relative elsewhere."

like a funeral ? seen that happen and have it happen to me

like a funeral ? seen that happen and have it happen to me

I've been to two funerals. Both of which were for my close friend's brothers. I did see an old buddy of mine making out with a chick at the viewing though...

I've been to two funerals. Both of which were for my close friend's brothers. I did see an old buddy of mine making out with a chick at the viewing though...

make out with someone you don't know at weddings or funerals still does not beat having sex with someone you don't know at weddings or funerals


oh yur cheap drinks and food at weddings

oh yur cheap drinks and food at weddings
I should say that the food and booze at the wedding this weekend was superb. They went for the full open bar, including several bottles of a very nice 12 year old single malt for the wedding party and immediate family to share. Dinner was excellent and the table service was prompt and friendly.

But yeah, I've been to some weddings where the food/drink was ghastly. It totally kills the fun.

You don't like catching the bouquet, I say dump the garter toss too. I've caught five of them. Still have them somewhere. So much for predicting the future.

Although there was one wedding I went to where the girl who caught the bouquet was someone I'd been crushing on for years, but who'd blown me off. Came time to toss the garter, it came right to me again, and just as I was about to grab it, I decided to let it go--in that instant I had lost my interest in putting the thing on Miss Bouquet, as the custom was at that time.

So, the guy next to me caught it instead. Some time later, they ended up getting married. Go figure.

But yeah, I've been to some weddings where the food/drink was ghastly. It totally kills the fun.

indeed and how about when it makes you or others sick the next day

This weekend I attended the wedding of two of my very good friends. They're awesome people, they love each other, and I think they're good for one another. I love seeing people I care about doing things that make them very happy. This is why I loved their wedding.

But.

Over the course of the weekend I found myself compiling a list of things that make me hate weddings.

--Pachelbel's Cannon in D, the Wedding March, Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring. Pick a new playlist.

--Calla lilies, daisies, and most of all roses. There are other flowers than these, you know, and roses smell like ass.

--DJs who introduce the couple as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith." Welcome to the 21st century, where women have names.

--The bride and her father dancing to "Butterfly Kisses." If you're going to bother doing the bride-FotB dance, at least pretend to have picked out a song that was personally meaningful.

--Total strangers who talk to your boyfriend about what a shame it is to see the groom "losing his balls" by getting married, how all women want is a ring and a wedding, and joking about how your boyfriend is probably "next on the matrimonial hit list"...while you're sitting right there next to them. Look, annoying stranger, if we're going to get through this night sitting at the same table then you're going to have to get over your "girls have cooties and marriage is teh sux" phase before you end up with a champagne flute jammed into the back of your head.

--Uncomfortable shoes on every single woman in attendance. Or, more precisely, under every table and ringing the entire dance hall, since every woman at the reception has removed her toe-crushing ankle-killing foot-binding torture shoes within 30 seconds of arrival. This most especially applies to bridesmaids. They're going to be standing and running around for most of the wedding and reception (in my experience), so please don't cripple the poor girls with brutal footwear.

--Sea shells. No joke, the last THREE weddings I've attended all used sea shells to decorate programs and scatter across the tables and such. It's really, really over-used at this point.

--Tossing of the bouquet. If your wedding has 25 single female guests, there will be 2-3 of them who are stoked about catching the bouquet. The rest will suddenly decide they need to go to the lavatory when the bouquet-tossing is announced.


Feel free to add more of your own.

--Catered wedding dinners that range from really bad to nauseating (I hate shark fin soup and sea urchin).
--Bridesmaids dresses (need I say more)
--Tables full of wedding presents (look at all my loot!)
--Everyone assuming that, if you go to the wedding with some man, you must plan to marry him (when he's really your gay second cousin from San Francisco).

I can generally agree with most of the wedding complaints here... So when I got married our weddings was a bit different:

1. The actual ceremony lasted 30 minutes.
2. The reception was casual, and was a BBQ reception...
3. We found a really good local band for reception music (except for the apron dance, an eastern European tradition, where polkas were played).
4. The wedding was limited to immediate family, and a few key friends.
5. We payed for it ourselves... No annoying parents dictating the contents of the wedding or who would be on the guest list.

You just haven't been to the right weddings!

My sister got married on a cruise ship, so 40 friends and relations got to take a cruise to the Bahamas in January. My dad, a minister, performed the ceremony so they got all the things they wanted and none they didn't. The music during the ceremony consisted of the entire party playing "Here comes the Bride" on kazoos as my sister came in absolutely beaming. My sister had decided to keep it simple, so she didn't do the whole bridesmaid thing, so we got to wear dresses we liked, not some horrible matching monstrosity with the big bow on the butt. She and her hubby (who is a sound engineer) had mixed several CDs for the reception (which was held in the same room immediately following the wedding, no one got lost trying to find it) so they had all the exact music they wanted. We were on a cruise ship, so the food was fabulous, and there was an open bar. She liked her bouquet so much (I helped her make it, and it was beautiful) that she opted not to toss it. There was no Chicken Dance, no Hokey Pokey, and almost everyone there was closely enough related or already married, so no aunts went around trying to fix people up.

And, while I was wearing a lovely dress, I was also wearing flat shoes.

I enjoy being in weddings. Why do you ask? After-rehersal-dinner party! The bridesmaids are all lubricious at the thought of a wedding, and they get good and drunk. I'm only 1 for 4 alas, but at each one I was in, at *least* one wedding participant banged a bridesmaid after the rehersal dinner.

Ironically, after my own wedding, me and the wife were to tired to do anything but go to sleep. Oh well.

Usually I hate weddings, especially a shotgun wedding, and I have been to a few of those which are an embarrassment of themselves to be honest. Whats worse is that the shotgun weddings are from my family, both mom and dad side of the family. If you want to see how tacky a wedding can get, come to the South and in any given weekend you can find a shotgun wedding.

However, I have seen some really nicely done weddings too. Like my brother's wedding. Him and his wife got married on Aug. 14th, 2004. They had a Roman Catholic wedding done by Father Gray, and it was beautiful. The ceremony was nicely done and it just look fantastic. After the wedding we went over to Lowe's Motor Speedway for the reception. The reception was also nicely done, the catering group, the DJ, the whole reception was nice. We didn't have any drunken family members do fist fights or anything like that, and we didn't have any cheap wine, or cheap food. My brother's wedding was the best one I've seen, and I hope to have a wedding like his someday.

I hate wedding receptions. I hate DJs, I hate drunken old relatives, I hate doing the Macarena and the Time Warp and the Hokey Cokey.

For the same reasons, I also despise 18th/21st birthday parties.

This weekend I attended the wedding of two of my very good friends. They're awesome people, they love each other, and I think they're good for one another. I love seeing people I care about doing things that make them very happy. This is why I loved their wedding.

But.

Over the course of the weekend I found myself compiling a list of things that make me hate weddings.

--Pachelbel's Cannon in D, the Wedding March, Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring. Pick a new playlist.

--Calla lilies, daisies, and most of all roses. There are other flowers than these, you know, and roses smell like ass.

--DJs who introduce the couple as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith." Welcome to the 21st century, where women have names.

--The bride and her father dancing to "Butterfly Kisses." If you're going to bother doing the bride-FotB dance, at least pretend to have picked out a song that was personally meaningful.

--Total strangers who talk to your boyfriend about what a shame it is to see the groom "losing his balls" by getting married, how all women want is a ring and a wedding, and joking about how your boyfriend is probably "next on the matrimonial hit list"...while you're sitting right there next to them. Look, annoying stranger, if we're going to get through this night sitting at the same table then you're going to have to get over your "girls have cooties and marriage is teh sux" phase before you end up with a champagne flute jammed into the back of your head.

--Uncomfortable shoes on every single woman in attendance. Or, more precisely, under every table and ringing the entire dance hall, since every woman at the reception has removed her toe-crushing ankle-killing foot-binding torture shoes within 30 seconds of arrival. This most especially applies to bridesmaids. They're going to be standing and running around for most of the wedding and reception (in my experience), so please don't cripple the poor girls with brutal footwear.

--Sea shells. No joke, the last THREE weddings I've attended all used sea shells to decorate programs and scatter across the tables and such. It's really, really over-used at this point.

--Tossing of the bouquet. If your wedding has 25 single female guests, there will be 2-3 of them who are stoked about catching the bouquet. The rest will suddenly decide they need to go to the lavatory when the bouquet-tossing is announced.


Feel free to add more of your own.

My sister just got engaged (as in today) so i'll pass this list on to her

This weekend I attended the wedding of two of my very good friends. They're awesome people, they love each other, and I think they're good for one another. I love seeing people I care about doing things that make them very happy. This is why I loved their wedding.

But.

Over the course of the weekend I found myself compiling a list of things that make me hate weddings.

--Pachelbel's Cannon in D, the Wedding March, Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring. Pick a new playlist.

--Calla lilies, daisies, and most of all roses. There are other flowers than these, you know, and roses smell like ass.

--DJs who introduce the couple as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith." Welcome to the 21st century, where women have names.

--The bride and her father dancing to "Butterfly Kisses." If you're going to bother doing the bride-FotB dance, at least pretend to have picked out a song that was personally meaningful.

--Total strangers who talk to your boyfriend about what a shame it is to see the groom "losing his balls" by getting married, how all women want is a ring and a wedding, and joking about how your boyfriend is probably "next on the matrimonial hit list"...while you're sitting right there next to them. Look, annoying stranger, if we're going to get through this night sitting at the same table then you're going to have to get over your "girls have cooties and marriage is teh sux" phase before you end up with a champagne flute jammed into the back of your head.

--Uncomfortable shoes on every single woman in attendance. Or, more precisely, under every table and ringing the entire dance hall, since every woman at the reception has removed her toe-crushing ankle-killing foot-binding torture shoes within 30 seconds of arrival. This most especially applies to bridesmaids. They're going to be standing and running around for most of the wedding and reception (in my experience), so please don't cripple the poor girls with brutal footwear.

--Sea shells. No joke, the last THREE weddings I've attended all used sea shells to decorate programs and scatter across the tables and such. It's really, really over-used at this point.

--Tossing of the bouquet. If your wedding has 25 single female guests, there will be 2-3 of them who are stoked about catching the bouquet. The rest will suddenly decide they need to go to the lavatory when the bouquet-tossing is announced.


Feel free to add more of your own.

I totally agree with several of those, especially the music one. I sang at a wedding two weekends ago and they asked for the most cliché music you could think of, every one of those you mentioned and some damn Rutter. And I'm often asking why my friends choose to wear uncomfortable shoes when going out, they can never give a reason other than 'that's what they always wear', or 'my figure looks better wearing them', despite them having boyfriends.

Oh, and people saying, 'you have to do that, it's always done at weddings!'. No, I'll do what I damn well want.

I am tired of getting wedding invitations where they have the card telling me where they are registered but not the card to RSVP since you know they don't really want me to come....they just want me to mail them a present.

I am also tired of going to weddings and being asked to help pay for the honeymoon.

I am also tired of going to weddings and being pulled out of my seat for a "wardrobe malfunction"......even if I were the only person ever to know how to sew, freaking leave me alone! I already bought you what you told me to, and gave money to your honeymoon fund, and money to your buying a house fund, and signed your guest book and filled out my own envelope for my thank you note, and paid $300 for my kids to be in your wedding in hideous dresses and rented a tux for hubby and......sorry, I have rude friends.

Also, quit it with the freaking electric slide song.........it's old.

--Catered wedding dinners that range from really bad to nauseating (I hate shark fin soup and sea urchin).
Some people just don't understand that exotic does not automatically make something good.

I hate just about everything about trditional weddings, which is why redwulf and I did it differently:

Private ceremoney - we knew relatives would flip out at the prospect of attending a (fully clothed) agan ceremony, so we nipped that problem in the bud.

Small cake for us and a variety of desserts for guests. My aunt made some excellent cheesecakes and my grandma made her kick-ass pecan pie.

Food by family (mostly). We got bagel sandwiches and had everyone else who wanted to bring whatever the hell they wanted.

No DJ. Hooked up our stereo and played a few songs. We did john tallow's Cannon for our first dance (with my best friends husband and my maid of honor) and did a circle dance with guests.

We had fun, and much less stress.

the damned things just take too long.

unless you are extremely close to the bride and groom who wants that much of a committment of time? you have to shop for a present (in my mind much worse than spending money on someone you dont know well enough to know what they might like) you have to figure out what to wear (and, god forbid, sometimes have to shop for something new) you have to go to the ceremony then travel onwards to the reception. then you spend hours at the worst party format ever developed.

the only relief from the horror of it all is if some guests are trashy enough to get drunk and start a fist fight or if one of the bridesmaids gets caught screwing someone's boyfriend in the cloak room.

did i mention that im not fond of going to weddings?


You think western weddings are long the one I went through in Morocco was 3 days and NO alcohol!

My wedding had none of those things.

My wife wore flip flops at our wedding (I wore sandals) which was outdoors at a nature reserve by a waterfall. No frills on her dress which she had made for about $50. No Bouquet. No crappy music: We had a Flamenco guitarist. Everyone was ordered to dress casually. It had no religion involved and was pretty awesome and original all around.

Oh, no seashells either. :p

--DJs who introduce the couple as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith." Welcome to the 21st century, where women have names.

Did the DJ not ask? Ours did, as did our reverend. We were introduced as "Mr. and Mrs. John and Judy Smith," for the formal stuff and just announced by our first names after.

--Uncomfortable shoes on every single woman in attendance. Or, more precisely, under every table and ringing the entire dance hall, since every woman at the reception has removed her toe-crushing ankle-killing foot-binding torture shoes within 30 seconds of arrival. This most especially applies to bridesmaids. They're going to be standing and running around for most of the wedding and reception (in my experience), so please don't cripple the poor girls with brutal footwear.

Seriously. But so many women do it to themselves. My bridesmaids picked out their own shoes, and still ended up with footwear that two were a bit afraid to walk in, and three out of five took off as soon as the pictures were over and the dancing started.

And my mother, who I could have smacked for this, absolutely refused to wear a boot, despite the fact that her foot was broken. And the shoes she did pick had a heel! (a small one, but still!) She was barefoot by the end of the reception too.

Me, I went with a ballet slipper style. Best wedding shoes ever. =)

--Tossing of the bouquet. If your wedding has 25 single female guests, there will be 2-3 of them who are stoked about catching the bouquet. The rest will suddenly decide they need to go to the lavatory when the bouquet-tossing is announced.

Hehe.

Feel free to add more of your own.

Well, from the wedding I went to a couple of weekends ago:

Fire and Brimstone sermons about how teh gays want to get married and the wimminz need to obey them menfolk. It was the first wedding I've been to like that, and it was depressing and exhausting - especially because I know that neither the bride nor the groom wanted it that way.

Seriously, I had to keep reminding myself that it was a happy occasion, because the people running it certainly weren't treating it that way.
Looking through my closet to find something to wear and only realizing later that I probably just should've gone shopping for something else.

I like the bubbles!

This weekend I attended the wedding of two of my very good friends. They're awesome people, they love each other, and I think they're good for one another. I love seeing people I care about doing things that make them very happy. This is why I loved their wedding.

But.

Over the course of the weekend I found myself compiling a list of things that make me hate weddings.

--Pachelbel's Cannon in D, the Wedding March, Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring. Pick a new playlist.

--Calla lilies, daisies, and most of all roses. There are other flowers than these, you know, and roses smell like ass.

--DJs who introduce the couple as "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith." Welcome to the 21st century, where women have names.

--The bride and her father dancing to "Butterfly Kisses." If you're going to bother doing the bride-FotB dance, at least pretend to have picked out a song that was personally meaningful.

--Total strangers who talk to your boyfriend about what a shame it is to see the groom "losing his balls" by getting married, how all women want is a ring and a wedding, and joking about how your boyfriend is probably "next on the matrimonial hit list"...while you're sitting right there next to them. Look, annoying stranger, if we're going to get through this night sitting at the same table then you're going to have to get over your "girls have cooties and marriage is teh sux" phase before you end up with a champagne flute jammed into the back of your head.

--Uncomfortable shoes on every single woman in attendance. Or, more precisely, under every table and ringing the entire dance hall, since every woman at the reception has removed her toe-crushing ankle-killing foot-binding torture shoes within 30 seconds of arrival. This most especially applies to bridesmaids. They're going to be standing and running around for most of the wedding and reception (in my experience), so please don't cripple the poor girls with brutal footwear.

--Sea shells. No joke, the last THREE weddings I've attended all used sea shells to decorate programs and scatter across the tables and such. It's really, really over-used at this point.

--Tossing of the bouquet. If your wedding has 25 single female guests, there will be 2-3 of them who are stoked about catching the bouquet. The rest will suddenly decide they need to go to the lavatory when the bouquet-tossing is announced.


Feel free to add more of your own.

I know what you mean. Weddings can be beautiful if done tastefully, but the generic type of wedding is annoying.

I remember the wedding of my cousin. The rent-a-minister sounded like a used car salesman, he was so cheesy, and obviously didn't know either the bride or the groom.

And it was at a golf course, not some place more meaningful to either spouse. And the speeches went on forever (when the first one was really good and would have sufficed for it all). And the groom's sister was roped into wearing a dress in a color she hated because it "matched."

I also don't like sit down dinners for weddings, and that's another thing it had.

And the vows were the same thing you always see in movies, the whole cliched speech.

It was basically exactly how I wouldn't want my wedding to be.

I know it's usually traditional that the bride gets to have the wedding however she wants it, but there's a list of requirements I would have:

No rent-a-ministers. I'll get someone who at least knows one of us, my preference would be someone from the First Unitarian Church of Oakland.
The wedding must be at a venue with meaning for at least one of us. My preference would be the place mentioned above with the reception in Wendte Hall, but another location is fine as long as it's somewhere special for one of us.
No sit-down dinners. Preferably I'd have a lunch wedding.
No open bar. My older sister's wedding proved to me that this is a bad idea.
We will write our own vows based on what is important to us, I don't want to use the standard cliche.
We will pick any music for our event, which may or may not include standards. My sister's wedding had live music (myself on bass, my uncle on trombone, my older sister's uncle on mandolin and my aunt on cello, we played no standard wedding songs, instead a set list picked by my sister and her husband).
Nobody has to wear a dress in a color she hates just because it "matches."
The wedding cake will at least be chocolate on the inside. I like chocolate.

This list was compiled from attending several weddings over the years and the gripes I had with them.

--Tossing of the bouquet. If your wedding has 25 single female guests, there will be 2-3 of them who are stoked about catching the bouquet. The rest will suddenly decide they need to go to the lavatory when the bouquet-tossing is announced.

I personally book it to the bar when they announce the garter. I want nothing to do with that.

I have most wedding experience behind the bar. Things I hate:
when my manager tells me we can't serve minors, despite it being a family function
when a parent screams at me because of said rule
when the drunken old people hit on me.
when I get yelled at because they drank all the champagne or wine
when I get yelled at because we don't stock hundreds of different kinds of beer and wine
when someone tells me I made their drink too weak at an open bar event (mind you, I use the exact same pour for open or pay bar, but if it's open, it isn't like you have to pay another $10 for another martini)
the assholes who want to show off and order their martini with a kiss or whisper. Seriously. Don't do that. Ever.
The kid who has never had a drink before, orders a sloe comfortable screw against the wall, giggles, and then realizes they ordered something that tastes something like ball sweat and whine about it.
getting a sour apple martini and a cosmo dumped on me by the drunk girl who is still wearing those uncomfortable shoes and can't stand as is

Fire and Brimstone sermons about how teh gays want to get married and the wimminz need to obey them menfolk. It was the first wedding I've been to like that, and it was depressing and exhausting - especially because I know that neither the bride nor the groom wanted it that way.

I'da fired that sumbitch in the initial interview. He's hired help, and the church is a hired hall. If they want editorial control when you hire their room, go elsewhere.

You just haven't been to the right weddings!

My sister got married on a cruise ship, so 40 friends and relations got to take a cruise to the Bahamas in January. My dad, a minister, performed the ceremony so they got all the things they wanted and none they didn't. The music during the ceremony consisted of the entire party playing "Here comes the Bride" on kazoos as my sister came in absolutely beaming. My sister had decided to keep it simple, so she didn't do the whole bridesmaid thing, so we got to wear dresses we liked, not some horrible matching monstrosity with the big bow on the butt. She and her hubby (who is a sound engineer) had mixed several CDs for the reception (which was held in the same room immediately following the wedding, no one got lost trying to find it) so they had all the exact music they wanted. We were on a cruise ship, so the food was fabulous, and there was an open bar. She liked her bouquet so much (I helped her make it, and it was beautiful) that she opted not to toss it. There was no Chicken Dance, no Hokey Pokey, and almost everyone there was closely enough related or already married, so no aunts went around trying to fix people up.

And, while I was wearing a lovely dress, I was also wearing flat shoes.
Hehe, I actually looked up "kazoo" for this. Nice. :p

Private ceremoney - we knew relatives would flip out at the prospect of attending a (fully clothed) agan ceremony, so we nipped that problem in the bud.
*confused*

I'da fired that sumbitch in the initial interview. He's hired help, and the church is a hired hall. If they want editorial control when you hire their room, go elsewhere.

That's just it, they weren't. One of the reverends involved was the bride's father and all of them were involved in that church. So they weren't really "hired help" so much as "part of the family".

Of course, the bride and groom could have told her parents to shove off and eloped, but they wanted to have their families involved, so this is what they got. Actually, it was really her family involved. That's often the way of it with traditional Indian families from what I understand.

*confused*

I think Kbrook meant pagan, not agan, and the (fully clothed) thing meant that everyone was to be fully clothed even though the guests might have assumed otherwise at the mention of "pagan".

I think Kbrook meant pagan, not agan, and the (fully clothed) thing meant that everyone was to be fully clothed even though the guests might have assumed otherwise at the mention of "pagan".

Ah! I thought they were flipping out at the thought of a fully clothed (pagan) wedding and was all stymied. And we learn: reading comprehension is important, kids. <<

Ah! I thought they were flipping out at the thought of a fully clothed (pagan) wedding and was all stymied. And we learn: reading comprehension is important, kids. <<

Well, personally, if I were invited to a pagan wedding, I would HOPE for the unclothed option so I wouldn't have to worry about buying uncomfortable shoes. So that could be a win/win, in some ways.

:D

Didn't care enough to check then, don't care enough to edit now.

I also hate the thousands of times some old lady will introduce me to their grandaugther, or neice.

"Look honey, this is the bride's handsom young *insert relation*."

"This is a wedding lady, not the love connection. Whore your fugly relative elsewhere."

That happened to me at a wedding (but it was my cousin who was getting married that did it, and he was subtle about it). When he and his bride made the seating arrangements, they sat me next to the brides single sister (while the rest of her immediate family sat at a table across the room). It wouldn't have been so bad (because she wasn't hard on the eyes), except she dragged me out on the dance floor (I can't dance AT ALL, and I was still recovering from a bad knee sprain).

But yeah, I've been to some weddings where the food/drink was ghastly. It totally kills the fun.

I went to a friend's wedding once, where all the food (which wasn't great) was served on plastic plates, with plastic utensils. I still had a decent time, though.

Did the DJ not ask? Ours did, as did our reverend. We were introduced as "Mr. and Mrs. John and Judy Smith," for the formal stuff and just announced by our first names after.

I honestly don't know if he asked, but it's hard for me to imagine the bride in question being okay with losing her first name. She's an RN and takes precisely zero shit from anybody.


Seriously. But so many women do it to themselves. My bridesmaids picked out their own shoes, and still ended up with footwear that two were a bit afraid to walk in, and three out of five took off as soon as the pictures were over and the dancing started.

This is true, but if it's my wedding then I'ma have a NO HEELS rule. If other people can demand black tie, then I can demand that women stop making me watch them teeter around taking mincing, painful little steps.


Well, from the wedding I went to a couple of weekends ago:

Fire and Brimstone sermons about how teh gays want to get married and the wimminz need to obey them menfolk. It was the first wedding I've been to like that, and it was depressing and exhausting - especially because I know that neither the bride nor the groom wanted it that way.

I went to one where the minister kept talking about the "weaker vessel" and the importance of women obeying and all that. I freely confess to feeling a sort of malicious vindication when that marriage collapsed after 8 months.


Looking through my closet to find something to wear and only realizing later that I probably just should've gone shopping for something else.
I hate--HATE--dressing up. Loathe it. So that part of weddings always sucks for me. But I love--LOVE--seeing my boyfriend dressed up. Rawr.

Also I have this thing about removing a tux piece by piece...;)

I have a question, what is the general cost for a GOOD wedding?

I use to hate going to weddings, because the old ladies would always look at me and say, "You're next." with a wink.


They stopped when I started saying that to them at funerals.
That is a horribly old joke ... I am surprised (if true) they have not heard it already

One things I hate about weddings is the fact that I have an aunt that always has to dance with me, and she just holds me waaayyy too close and can be too friendly. I love my family, but only a few people are able to hold me that close and only one person is allowed to be friendly with me. I always dread dancing with her and sometimes would avoid her the whole time.

One things I hate about weddings is the fact that I have an aunt that always has to dance with me, and she just holds me waaayyy too close and can be too friendly. I love my family, but only a few people are able to hold me that close and only one person is allowed to be friendly with me. I always dread dancing with her and sometimes would avoid her the whole time.

Make up an excuse that precludes you from dancing with her (like a rash, that you don't know how you got it). Or just tell her that you don't want to.

Make up an excuse that precludes you from dancing with her (like a rash, that you don't know how you got it). Or just tell her that you don't want to.

Hmm good advice.

This is true, but if it's my wedding then I'ma have a NO HEELS rule. If other people can demand black tie, then I can demand that women stop making me watch them teeter around taking mincing, painful little steps.



I have never been to a "Black tie only" wedding

I've never really understood people's fascination with shoes at formal events...or in general. Seriously, of all the clothing options and such, shoes are important? Why the hell are people looking at other people's feet, anyway? And, unless the shoes are some weird ass shape, at a glance won't they look the same as anything else anyway? I encourage people to wear tennis shoes to all normal events and then big fucking clown shoes to formal events so that this silliness stops! :D

I wore tennis shoes to my cousin's wedding reception (I wore nice shoes at the actual wedding). My mom was the only one who noticed or cared...

i basically live off tips and ghost.

Really? What's its name, and how the hell can it help pay your living expenses?

I think we violated a number of these, but it turned out all good, so... ;)

--Pachelbel's Cannon in D, the Wedding March, Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring. Pick a new playlist.
Well, we did have the wedding march, but in all honesty, that has to do more with my wife's views of weddings. Japanese tend to be sticklers for tradition, even when they get it wrong or don't understand it.

--The bride and her father dancing to "Butterfly Kisses." If you're going to bother doing the bride-FotB dance, at least pretend to have picked out a song that was personally meaningful.
*LOL* In our case it was more getting her father to actually dance! The song was picked for him because he was nervous enough as is about being in the US and being asked to, horror of horrors, dance with his daughter in front of people!

That and my wife totally vetoed the enka (Japanese love ballads, think old style country, like Hank Williams Sr.) request.

All in all, most weddings aren't too bad, I think people just get so damned caught up in the "This is going to be the happest, most perfect, day of my/his/her/their life if I have to kill everyone there" mood that causes all the problems.

This is true, but if it's my wedding then I'ma have a NO HEELS rule. If other people can demand black tie, then I can demand that women stop making me watch them teeter around taking mincing, painful little steps.

Ugh. Personally, I'm against high heels altogether...

I went to one where the minister kept talking about the "weaker vessel" and the importance of women obeying and all that. I freely confess to feeling a sort of malicious vindication when that marriage collapsed after 8 months.

I think I'd feel much the same. Probably even moreso, actually. I might even go up to one (or both of them) and tell them exactly what I think.

I hate--HATE--dressing up. Loathe it. So that part of weddings always sucks for me. But I love--LOVE--seeing my boyfriend dressed up. Rawr.

Also I have this thing about removing a tux piece by piece...;)

If I have a wedding (I foresee a two-minute session in front of a judge in a courthouse, no bullshit, no strings attached, only friends, no family), people will wear whatever the hell they want. No pressure to dress up in "formal attire" or anything like that. Fuck, if they wanna wear sweatpants and a t-shirt, more power to them.

Then again, sweatpants and a tank top would be horrific. Doubly so if they wear sandles instead of sneakers.

I only enjoy going to weddings for the food and the open bar. The last one I went to was in January for my aunt's wedding. It was very formal, but she and groom were relaxed. The worst part was waiting at my grandma's house for 4 hours between the ceremony and the reception. I only remember one bad wedding and it was last year for some obscure relative I've only seen twice, ever. As soon as the dancing started at the reception, 3/4 of the guests walked out, because the last of the food was served. That was quite rude, but me and my family stayed for an hour more.

All in all, most weddings aren't too bad, I think people just get so damned caught up in the "This is going to be the happest, most perfect, day of my/his/her/their life if I have to kill everyone there" mood that causes all the problems.

A friend of mine is a musician and he often plays at weddings. You'd be amazed how many brides will insist on their outside wedding and carriage ride or whatever even if its raining or way too cold. Some guests will usually stay through the ceremony at those, but if they're drenched at the end, they're going home. And when you have a flute and other musicians playing, they simply can't play in the rain, so you end up with your musicians inside hoping you can hear them and the ceremony out in the rain.

I have not been to many weddings, but from the ones I have been to, the ones I have heard several musician friends talk about, and the ones I've heard described in advice columns, it seems the biggest problem is people forgetting the actual purpose of the wedding: marriage. Regardless of religious beliefs, the only people who genuinely believe marriage is an unhappy occurrence are imaginary British upper-class twits, like Bertie Wooster or Hugh Grant, but many people continue to grieve over how theirs will turn out. It seems silly to be afraid that this won't be the happiest day of one's life; if the bride actually loves the groom, it probably will be. If it's not, well, they're now married, so they have an entire lifetime to wait for best days. The best wedding is one that emphasizes the purpose, while still being a great celebration.

That being said, no one should play Pachabel's Canon in D at his or her wedding. It will lead to an unhappy marriage every time.

I hate being sat at the "leftover people" table. At a wedding last spring for my old roommate, I was seated at a table featuring some classmate of hers from grad school who tried to get me enrolled in her Bible study group, and the aunts and uncles of the guy she was engaged to a few years ago who died.

Most of my hate has been covered by others so mine has to be specific.

- The uncomfortable conversation: Hey, could you play at my wedding? No, for a number of reasons, most of which are embarrassing to me so thanks for dragging that out for me. I'm the best saxophonist you know because you don't know any other saxophone players. I don't have a band, the people I do know who could play with me have either moved on to better gigs or wouldn't play for free because they don't know you, so I'd have to pay them AND have to face the fact that I've lost a step or two and would need to actually rehearse with them longer than they would be willing to commit to a favor gig. And that I've slipped that badly in something that once was my entire life is depressing and embarrassing, especially when people still know me as 'that guy.'

- Being the guy who shows up to the wedding in a vintage VW Bus with long hair, a long goatee, I'm introduced as 'from Santa Cruz' or 'went to UC Santa Cruz', etc. Eventually that one extra sketchy dude is going to either ask me for weed in a totally conspicuous way or offer me weed in a way that will make me feel about as awkward as possible.

Added to that-

- The older members of the side of the family that I don't know all looking at me like, "I bet he brought weed to the wedding. I got my eye on you, hippie." Now, the fact that about half the time I did bring weed doesn't make it any less awkward. Sometimes a wedding requires that 'first bowl as a married man/woman,' but we never get so baked that we forget where we are or what we're doing (honestly, no one ever gets that stoned, I just thought I'd throw that caveat out there).

Added to that is the other family members asking if they can 'help me' like I wasn't invited. Honestly, if I'm the sketchiest looking dude you've run across as an acquaintance of your precious you've had a pretty good run. I have about the most wussified freak flag available that can still be considered a freak flag.

Added to that is the other family members asking if they can 'help me' like I wasn't invited. Honestly, if I'm the sketchiest looking dude you've run across as an acquaintance of your precious you've had a pretty good run. I have about the most wussified freak flag available that can still be considered a freak flag.

I can one-up this one
My distant cousins are very rich...their daughter had her bat mitzvah at the World Trade Center Boston.

Now, it just happened to be the same day that the Bruins were playing the Maple Leafs, so we had to go to the game. Game was 4-7, reception was 7-whenever. Works perfectly, right?

Not so much. We show up at the WTC Boston in our game clothes, with our formalwear in tow looking for a bathroom to change in. The party planner comes up to us and actually said "Oh, are you guys the entertainment?!"

:rolleyes:

I honestly don't know if he asked, but it's hard for me to imagine the bride in question being okay with losing her first name. She's an RN and takes precisely zero shit from anybody.


What's an RN?

What's an RN?

Registered Nurse?

Registered Nurse?

Raging Neurotic?

Didn't care enough to check then, don't care enough to edit now.

I also hate the thousands of times some old lady will introduce me to their grandaugther, or neice.

"Look honey, this is the bride's handsom young *insert relation*."

"This is a wedding lady, not the love connection. Whore your fugly relative elsewhere."

:headbang: Is like a tradition , cause if your single and related to the groom

or bride you are in the Target List of ''Who's getting marry next'' and that is

so annoying, specially when your single and loving iT! the night looks longer

than it should! lol

Is like :sniper: BACKOFF!! lady, i'm here to please not personal choice!

If I have a wedding (I foresee a two-minute session in front of a judge in a courthouse, no bullshit, no strings attached, only friends, no family), people will wear whatever the hell they want. No pressure to dress up in "formal attire" or anything like that. Fuck, if they wanna wear sweatpants and a t-shirt, more power to them.

Then again, sweatpants and a tank top would be horrific. Doubly so if they wear sandles instead of sneakers.
My boyfriend and I have been playing with the idea of a pajama wedding. Everybody wear your most formal PJs, mwa haha!

Instead of an altar, we'd get married while reclining on a big bed, and then a bunch of burly, oiled men will come lift the bed and carry us off to the reception.

What's an RN?
Oh, yeah, registered nurse. She works in the ER, too, so she's pretty much a complete and utter badass. She was talking about wanting to have kids in a few years, and all I could picture was how she's probably going to give birth all by herself while finishing up some of her paperwork, then she'll gnaw right through the cord, towel off, and get up and go build the baby a spare room.

My boyfriend and I have been playing with the idea of a pajama wedding. Everybody wear your most formal PJs, mwa haha!

Instead of an altar, we'd get married while reclining on a big bed, and then a bunch of burly, oiled men will come lift the bed and carry us off to the reception.

Powerfully awesome. I trust there'll be a general invitation extended to all Generalites. :p

Powerfully awesome. I trust there'll be a general invitation extended to all Generalites. :p
If I ever got married, you guys would know because of the solar eclipse and rain of toads, and the strong draft of cold air coming out of Hell.

:D

If I ever got married, you guys would know because of the solar eclipse and rain of toads, and the strong draft of cold air coming out of Hell.

:D

I'm supposed to discern this from any other Michigan winter?

You think western weddings are long the one I went through in Morocco was 3 days and NO alcohol!

OH

MY

GOD

note to self: if son starts dating moroccan girl, break them up.

how do you get through 3 days of wedding without booze?

OH

MY

GOD

note to self: if son starts dating moroccan girl, break them up.

how do you get through 3 days of wedding without booze?

Painfully.

But isn't MII a Muslim anyway? So no booze...anyway? How the hell does one get by with no booze whatsoever :eek:

Painfully.

But isn't MII a Muslim anyway? So no booze...anyway? How the hell does one get by with no booze whatsoever :eek:

Other drugs?

Other drugs?

I heard Opium is a good choice.

Other drugs?

Hashish! :)

Weddings I hate: anywhere where the booze gets cut off. Or where the fat, ugly, and extremely bitchy girls are introduced to me by their grandmothers. There is a reason that they went to their prom alone and it has nothing to do with me. Thus, I never show up alone.

Oh, and I really hate whenever they play $h!tty music. My ears can only take so much.

I've never been to a wedding that I remember, I'm one of the older young people in my family.

Oh, and I really hate whenever they play $h!tty music. My ears can only take so much.Yeah, my OP probably makes it clear that I'm with you on that one.

You know that breathy pop song "Collide" that was wicked over-played for like 5 months? Yeah, that was the bride and groom's First Dance song at the wedding this past weekend.

The kicker, though is that it was also the First Dance for two other friends of ours (call them Jim and Joan) at their wedding. See, the bride and groom from THIS weekend (call them Tim and Tiff) got together at Jim and Joan's wedding. And because Tim and Tiff were in the wedding party at Jim and Joan's wedding, Tim and Tiff's very first dance as a couple was to the First Dance song at Jim and Joan's wedding. And that's why they decided to have "Collide" used for their First Dance as husband and wife.

It's a horrible, horrible loop in which the same crappy song is forced upon me at wedding after wedding after wedding...

Yeah, my OP probably makes it clear that I'm with you on that one.

You know that breathy pop song "Collide" that was wicked over-played for like 5 months? Yeah, that was the bride and groom's First Dance song at the wedding this past weekend.

The kicker, though is that it was also the First Dance for two other friends of ours (call them Jim and Joan) at their wedding. See, the bride and groom from THIS weekend (call them Tim and Tiff) got together at Jim and Joan's wedding. And because Tim and Tiff were in the wedding party at Jim and Joan's wedding, Tim and Tiff's very first dance as a couple was to the First Dance song at Jim and Joan's wedding. And that's why they decided to have "Collide" used for their First Dance as husband and wife.

It's a horrible, horrible loop in which the same crappy song is forced upon me at wedding after wedding after wedding...
It could be worse. I went to a wedding two years ago where the first dance was "Take My Breath Away".

I know, I know. I had a hard time grasping the inanity of that statement at first too, so I'll say it again.

I went to a wedding in 2005 where the first dance song was a shitty pop song from 1986 made famous by Tom Cruise.

I think Kbrook meant pagan, not agan, and the (fully clothed) thing meant that everyone was to be fully clothed even though the guests might have assumed otherwise at the mention of "pagan".

Uh, yeah. D'oh! The word naked was mentioned in discussions of why we kept the ceremony private. Some Wiccans do everything butt-nekkid, including ceremonies family is invited to. There are things I just don't need to know about my parents. Or my siblings...

It could be worse. I went to a wedding two years ago where the first dance was "Take My Breath Away".

I know, I know. I had a hard time grasping the inanity of that statement at first too, so I'll say it again.

I went to a wedding in 2005 where the first dance song was a shitty pop song from 1986 made famous by Tom Cruise.
That song is a total ear-bleeder, no matter what decade you're in. You have my deepest sympathy.

It could be worse. I went to a wedding two years ago where the first dance was "Take My Breath Away".

I know, I know. I had a hard time grasping the inanity of that statement at first too, so I'll say it again.

I went to a wedding in 2005 where the first dance song was a shitty pop song from 1986 made famous by Tom Cruise.

the most recent wedding I went to was...white trash beyond imagination.

they walked down the aisle to a Mariah Carey song (yeah I know) and their first dance was to that song from dirty dancing......you know the one...


I thought I was going to die. Seriously.

The last wedding I went to had two grooms (in red mounties' serge) so there were no heels, no garters, no seashells, no Butterfly Kisses dance, no cowboy music, no bouquet toss, no talk about 'ebil gurls.' What there was was a harp player, tasteful decor, good music, and the best cheesecake I've ever had the pleasure of crossing paths with.

Weddings aren't so bad-- you just need to go to more of the ones that are threatening civilisation as we know it :-D

The last wedding I went to had two grooms (in red mounties' serge) so there were no heels, no garters, no seashells, no Butterfly Kisses dance, no cowboy music, no bouquet toss, no talk about 'ebil gurls.' What there was was a harp player, tasteful decor, good music, and the best cheesecake I've ever had the pleasure of crossing paths with.

Weddings aren't so bad-- you just need to go to more of the ones that are threatening civilisation as we know it :-D

oh come now...you know there was lots of Cher and Judy Garland

Oh...and pink feather boas.

;)

.... the best cheesecake I've ever had the pleasure of crossing paths with....

Mmmmm, cheesecake. :D

oh come now...you know there was lots of Cher and Judy Garland

Oh...and pink feather boas.

;)

No, no, and no. These guys weren't the mincing type. No bias whatsoever against fem or flamboyant guys but most of my friends just ended up being more 'jock' than 'queen.'


Which is not to say that there was *no* affection or time given to Cher.

The only time weddings are good is if you're someone's date (thus don't need to bring a present), there's an open bar and you're not expected to drive home.
Although even then you might have to deal with your date's family implying that you're going to be joining the family and avoiding the awkwardness associated with this.

Also, the lack of good music is ass. I want to go to a wedding where they have some Zeppelin, dammit.