NationStates Jolt Archive

Lets hypothetically say that you die, go to heaven, St Peter is there, and you find that your beliefs don't mean a thing; Heaven is open for all - how would you as a 'comitted zyx' feel? then lets go further, and say that the pre-req for heaven was how you treated gays and women - how would you react?

Lets hypothetically say that you die, go to heaven, St Peter is there, and you find that your beliefs don't mean a thing; Heaven is open for all - how would you as a 'comitted zyx' feel? then lets go further, and say that the pre-req for heaven was how you treated gays and women - how would you react?

I'd say I had hit the jackpot. Ka-ching!

If there is a Heaven as conceived by Christians, I am pretty sure I don't want to get in.

But, to get there and find out that I was doing the right things all along would be OK, I guess.

say that the pre-req for heaven was how you treated gays and women - how would you react?

By thinking it's time to invest in some property in heaven.

I'd probably be accepted into Heaven because I'm just awesome. :D

If there is a Heaven as conceived by Christians, I am pretty sure I don't want to get in.Amen :p

Now if it had a beer volcano....

But I'm a bisexual atheist and I always stop beating my wife when she can't stand up anymore, so I'm sure I'd get in.

Well then I'd get in, if you Christians let in Muslims that is...

I personally believe that if heaven does exist, everyone will eventually end up there.

Pre-Req to get into heaven
Knowledge (religion) 8 ranks

Well then I'd get in, if your Christians let in Muslims that is...

I personally believe that if heaven does exist, everyone will eventually end up there.

That's awfully nice of you. Most monotheists generally believe that I deserve eternal torture for thoughtcrime.

Knowledge (religion) 8 ranks

In lieu of a cookie, here's a Mountain Dew.

well id have to weigh my options like what would i do in heaven compared to any other choises i could make.

The only pre-req would be that you're not blind.

That's awfully nice of you. Most monotheists generally believe that I deserve eternal torture for thoughtcrime.

Well it wouldn't make sense if the official doctrine didn't promote hell for non-believers you know? I mean who would bother converting to your religion if you just said, "Well my religion is good, but we all go to heaven in the end, so you don't need to convert." Organized religion would never be like that, duh!

On the other hand, I think that in the end things won't matter that much. In the Quran it says that God is just, and is the most merciful (of all things/being/etc.), so I guess if anyone can forgive sinners it is God. Maybe the good people get a straight pass to heaven, and everybody else has to take a detour? I honestly don't know, but it's not my problem in the end. I have to do my best as a person, and then it's up to God to decide.

if the prereq for heaven is how i treated gays and women then i'm in

I'd be like "Sweet."

if the prereq for heaven is how i treated gays and women then i'm in
The OP never said whether you got in if you treated them well or horribly, though.

Well it wouldn't make sense if the official doctrine didn't promote hell for non-believers you know? I mean who would bother converting to your religion if you just said, "Well my religion is good, but we all go to heaven in the end, so you don't need to convert." Organized religion would never be like that, duh!

On the other hand, I think that in the end things won't matter that much. In the Quran it says that God is just, and is the most merciful (of all things/being/etc.), so I guess if anyone can forgive sinners it is God. Maybe the good people get a straight pass to heaven, and everybody else has to take a detour? I honestly don't know, but it's not my problem in the end. I have to do my best as a person, and then it's up to God to decide.

Good way to look at it!!

I always figured that if I am wrong and there IS a god and a heaven, I hope she is sitting up there handing out cold beer (or the alternate beverage of choice) to the new arrivals and telling them the punchline to the whole joke. It is probably a good one.

Good way to look at it!!

I always figured that if I am wrong and there IS a god and a heaven, I hope she is sitting up there handing out cold beer (or the alternate beverage of choice) to the new arrivals and telling them the punchline to the whole joke. It is probably a good one.

Yes, I like to think that part of the cause of eternal bliss is from laughing so hard at our past life.

Lets hypothetically say that you die, go to heaven, St Peter is there, and you find that your beliefs don't mean a thing; Heaven is open for all - how would you as a 'comitted zyx' feel? then lets go further, and say that the pre-req for heaven was how you treated gays and women - how would you react?I wouldn't react surprised at all as Jews believe that all humans eventually make it to heaven. It's just that some have to attone for time before gaining entry.

I'm not going to Heaven, I'm going to be reincarnated as a flying pig, or possibly, a monkey's uncle.

Lets hypothetically say that you die, go to heaven, St Peter is there, and you find that your beliefs don't mean a thing; Heaven is open for all - how would you as a 'comitted zyx' feel? then lets go further, and say that the pre-req for heaven was how you treated gays and women - how would you react?
I would say that would be the least of my/their worries, if that be the criterion.

The Christian idea of heaven? No thanks, spending eternity giving glory to god doesn't sound like fun.

I think that a pre-requisite to getting into Heaven should be to have at some point in your life, made someone orgasm and laugh at the same time. Assuming, of course, you are old enough to know what the two of them are. :)

I think that a pre-requisite to getting into Heaven should be to have at some point in your life, made someone orgasm and laugh at the same time. Assuming, of course, you are old enough to know what the two of them are. :)

Why do I get the feeling you have already done this, quite possibly several times?

Why do I get the feeling you have already done this, quite possibly several times?

:cool:

Lets hypothetically say that you die, go to heaven, St Peter is there, and you find that your beliefs don't mean a thing; Heaven is open for all - how would you as a 'comitted zyx' feel? then lets go further, and say that the pre-req for heaven was how you treated gays and women - how would you react?

Well.... woohoo! I'm set for life! :D

how would you react?
“Damn, this is one convoluted thought experiment.”

Lets hypothetically say that you die, go to heaven, St Peter is there, and you find that your beliefs don't mean a thing; Heaven is open for all - how would you as a 'comitted zyx' feel? then lets go further, and say that the pre-req for heaven was how you treated gays and women - how would you react?

Wait, how I treated gays and women, you mean you gain entrance if you treat them well? Or if you persecutes them enough? Either way I want to be with the group that persecutes them because living in an environment full of nothing but liberals is worst than hell in my book.

Wait, how I treated gays and women, you mean you gain entrance if you treat them well? Or if you persecutes them enough? Either way I want to be with the group that persecutes them because living in an environment full of nothing but liberals is worst than hell in my book.

Dont worry, we wont miss people with your atitude while we are partying with the big-G :D

Lets hypothetically say that you die, go to heaven, St Peter is there, and you find that your beliefs don't mean a thing; Heaven is open for all - how would you as a 'comitted zyx' feel? then lets go further, and say that the pre-req for heaven was how you treated gays and women - how would you react?

i would be very much surprised to find any such thing as a gate. or any other resemblence to the speculations of any human known organized belief.

what i would expect to find is that it is neither eternal nor has prerequisites, but rather that how it is experienced has everything to do with the perspectives and preferences that difine us now that we are disembodied awirnessess without mind or memory, until we are once again born into physical bodies, the way we were born into the ones we wear now, on any random one, of litterally billions upon billions of tangable material world in our familiar physical universe, or one rather much like it.

this "how we experience" that inter-life bardo sojourn being what makes it a 'heavin' or 'hell', or as likely, as much somewhere inbetween as tangable life in physical bodies is being.

that is, assuming there is some sort of experiencing between lives, and we don't just 'wink out' when we die, and ultimately 'wink back in' the next time we are born in some sort of a body, on some sort of a world, to some sort of progenitors.

=^^=
.../\...

The only pre-req would be that you're not blind.

Why wouldn't blind people get in? It's not their fault they can't see. In some cases it is God's fault for making them that way.

how would you react?
I'd probably laugh, ask him where the bar is and go wherever he points me. Maybe make some joke about how unlikely the entire thing seemed to begin with.

Lets hypothetically say that you die, go to heaven, St Peter is there, and you find that your beliefs don't mean a thing;
I'd be bummed that there was an afterlife, for starters. It wouldn't surprise me to find out that all the Christians who claimed that Jeebus belief was essential were wrong, though.


Heaven is open for all - how would you as a 'comitted zyx' feel?
It wouldn't be Heaven if it were open to all. If I have to spend an eternal afterlife with bigots and violent criminals, that's Hell.


then lets go further, and say that the pre-req for heaven was how you treated gays and women - how would you react?
Um, given that over half the human population IS gay and/or female, I'd think that was a fucking stupid standard and I certainly wouldn't want to spend my afterlife in a place run by beings who set up standards with the assumption that everybody is a straight male.

I would be very surprised and somewhat worried about eternal boredom to find St Peter and angels that actually have wings standing at a gate built on top of a cloud just like in the cartoons. Because nowhere does the Bible describe heaven like that.

I would be surprised again but also very happy if everyone are allowed in as thats how it should be in my opinion. I have treated gays and women with respect just like the Bible thought me so if that was the requirement I'd at least not end up in the same place as a lot of assholes.

By thinking it's time to invest in some property in heaven.

I don't know if I need to place a lawyer joke here, or what.


OT: I'd probably shrug and walk in. It's unsurprising that a supposedly loving god would admit everyone into heaven.

I'd be very embarrassed.

Wait, how I treated gays and women, you mean you gain entrance if you treat them well? Or if you persecutes them enough? Either way I want to be with the group that persecutes them because living in an environment full of nothing but liberals is worst than hell in my book.

Guess what they do to homophobes in Hell? Here's a hint: There's no lubricant in Hell. :p

Guess what they do to homophobes in Hell? Here's a hint: There's no lubricant in Hell. :p

Nor is there in heaven, but things go smoothly anyway. Jesus magic and all that.

Guess what they do to homophobes in Hell? Here's a hint: There's no lubricant in Hell. :p

Your mind is a dirty, dirty place. We need to wash it out with a nice disinfectant. :)

Your mind is a dirty, dirty place. We need to wash it out with a nice disinfectant. :)

No matter how you clean a landfill, it's still a landfill. :p

Pre-requisite:

Albert Collins will be standing at the front gate and informs new arrivals;

"Nobody gets into heaven without singing the Blues."

:)

No matter how you clean a landfill, it's still a landfill. :p

Well, if we cover it in sod and plant some flowers, we can make it a wonderful place for fairies and imps. :)

Guess what they do to homophobes in Hell? Here's a hint: There's no lubricant in Hell. :p

Okay, that's it, I'm founding a debate group and you're in it. :p

Guess what they do to homophobes in Hell? Here's a hint: There's no lubricant in Hell. :p

I think it's more scary to know that there are people who phantasize about what happens to homophobes and Hell.

I think it's more scary to know that there are people who phantasize about what happens to homophobes and Hell.

I think it's pretty scary that you think that's more scary. ;)

Well, if we cover it in sod and plant some flowers, we can make it a wonderful place for fairies and imps. :)

Yay! :)

Knowledge (religion) 8 ranks

ROFL! Good one

Man, I'd ask to go on a day trip to hell just to laugh at all the sad Christians who got trapped down there. Oh the beautiful irony!

Okay, that's it, I'm founding a debate group and you're in it. :p

Judge:"Mr... ah... Ball. You have three minutes for a rebuttal."

Goofball: *kicks opponent in the groin*

Opponent: "Ough... ug... * "

Judge: "It appears we have a winner."

I think a large percentage of you are in for a surprise I wouldn't wish on anyone.

The pre-requisite for going to heaven is putting your hope in what God did for you on the cross.

And please don't use the complaint that if God was a loving God he wouldn't send anyone to hell, going to heaven is a gift. Complaining in this way is like being given a gift at Christmas or whenever, refusing it, then complaining that you didn't get it.

I think a large percentage of you are in for a surprise I wouldn't wish on anyone.

The pre-requisite for going to heaven is putting your hope in what God did for you on the cross.

And please don't use the complaint that if God was a loving God he wouldn't send anyone to hell, going to heaven is a gift. Complaining in this way is like being given a gift at Christmas or whenever, refusing it, then complaining that you didn't get it.

If you wouldn't wish anyone to go to hell, why do you (presumably) support and worship a God who would do such a thing?

Avoiding horrible torture for all eternity should be a right, not a gift.

Anyway, to answer the OP, is treating them equally to all others acceptable to get me in or do I actually have to treat them well? :p
kidding, really

I think a large percentage of you are in for a surprise I wouldn't wish on anyone.

The pre-requisite for going to heaven is putting your hope in what God did for you on the cross.

And please don't use the complaint that if God was a loving God he wouldn't send anyone to hell, going to heaven is a gift. Complaining in this way is like being given a gift at Christmas or whenever, refusing it, then complaining that you didn't get it.

I just hope I get to Heaven before you do so I can set up and aim the pie catapult. :)

I just hope I get to Heaven before you do so I can set up and aim the pie catapult. :)

Surely a perfect paradise would already have a pie catapult?

Lets hypothetically say that you die, go to heaven, St Peter is there, and you find that your beliefs don't mean a thing; Heaven is open for all - how would you as a 'comitted zyx' feel? Happy and elated that my friends and the majority of NSG'ers will be in Heaven.
then lets go further, and say that the pre-req for heaven was how you treated gays and women - how would you react? well, depends on what you mean by 'Treated Gays and Women'?

Do you mean that only those that openly opposed the Homosexual lifestyle with violent methods and those that kept women subservant or do you mean those that treated Homosexuals and women like equal people, or do you mean those that preferred Homosexuals to Heterosexuals and those that worshipped women?

Lets hypothetically say that you die, go to heaven, St Peter is there, and you find that your beliefs don't mean a thing; Heaven is open for all - how would you as a 'comitted zyx' feel? then lets go further, and say that the pre-req for heaven was how you treated gays and women - how would you react?

I'd be admitted. I wouldn't be admitted as a VIP, but fairly close.

I think a large percentage of you are in for a surprise I wouldn't wish on anyone.

If you think being sent to Hell is something that you wouldn't wish on anybody, why would you choose to worship a God which subjects your fellow humans to that?


The pre-requisite for going to heaven is putting your hope in what God did for you on the cross.

Let me guess:

You're Christian. You were born into a Christian family, brought up Christian, and you now believe that you just happened to be lucky enough to be born into the One True Faith. You've never actually investigated all the other alternative God-visions, you just happily assume that by sheer accident of birth you got a family that knows the right way into Heaven.


And please don't use the complaint that if God was a loving God he wouldn't send anyone to hell, going to heaven is a gift. Complaining in this way is like being given a gift at Christmas or whenever, refusing it, then complaining that you didn't get it.
Actually, according to you it's like if your Dad gave a present to your brother on Christmas, and then beat you into unconsciousness and chained you in the basement for the rest of your life. I think it would be quite fair to say that your Dad was not behaving in a loving manner toward you.

Why wouldn't blind people get in? It's not their fault they can't see. In some cases it is God's fault for making them that way.

Blindness is a choice! Heaven is a sacred institution between a man who can see and a woman who can see!

Lets hypothetically say that you die, go to heaven, St Peter is there, and you find that your beliefs don't mean a thing; Heaven is open for all - how would you as a 'comitted zyx' feel? then lets go further, and say that the pre-req for heaven was how you treated gays and women - how would you react?

Poor straight men, if people ever found out that heaven doesn't care about them :p

My next reaction would be "Awesome! So, did I treat them right?"

Surely a perfect paradise would already have a pie catapult?

It isn't perfect without an LG, humpfh!

The pre-requisite for going to heaven is putting your hope in what God did for you on the cross.

Sorry, you got it wrong: The pre-req is actually dying honourably in battle.

Then, depending on how honourable and valorous you were, you might achieve higher rankings.

Oh, and there'll be mead. Lots of mead. And Ham! <- this is a sandwich reference. Cookie to the one who gets it.

I don't believe in an afterlife.

I don't believe in an afterlife.

And when you're standing in front of St. Peter, repeating that over and over and slapping yourself to try to wake up, he will say, "Let me help you with that." Then he'll smack you with the biggest trout ever. Never irk a fisherman.

And you might want to look up the word 'hypothetical' in a dictionary. :p

Lets hypothetically say that you die, go to heaven, St Peter is there, and you find that your beliefs don't mean a thing; Heaven is open for all - how would you as a 'comitted zyx' feel?
Well, being an unbeliever, I'd be quite surprised that it existed. I'd also be slightly suspicious about why they would be quite so open.

then lets go further, and say that the pre-req for heaven was how you treated gays and women - how would you react?
I'd wonder why maltreating straight men was OK.

i would be very much surprised to find any such thing as a gate. or any other resemblence to the speculations of any human known organized belief.

Yep. Word for that is "anthropomorphism."

Whether you believe that "God made man in his own image" or the other way around, the idea that heaven would need a huge impressive edifice with a gatekeeper, just so you'd know it was really heaven, is rather laughable.

*...*
Um, given that over half the human population IS gay and/or female, I'd think that was a fucking stupid standard and I certainly wouldn't want to spend my afterlife in a place run by beings who set up standards with the assumption that everybody is a straight male.

But it would be a chuckle to find out that celibacy was the only real sin. ;)

... a chuckle for you lot, anyway. Me, I'd be stuck somewhere else with the Catholic priests, the severely disabled and the souls who died in childhood.

I think a large percentage of you are in for a surprise I wouldn't wish on anyone.

The pre-requisite for going to heaven is putting your hope in what God did for you on the cross.

And please don't use the complaint that if God was a loving God he wouldn't send anyone to hell, going to heaven is a gift. Complaining in this way is like being given a gift at Christmas or whenever, refusing it, then complaining that you didn't get it.

Kid: Er, thanks uncle God. What is it though?
Uncle: It's a ball and chain. You wear it when you aren't going out.
Kid: You should give it to Katie. She might wear it.
Uncle: No, try it on. Just once, for me?
Kid: No, I don't want it.
Uncle: You DON'T WANT IT? But it cost me a fortune!
Kid: I don't want to wear a ball and chain. Thanks though ...

Next Christmas:
Uncle: I didn't get you anything this year.
Kid: Not even a book voucher? Socks?
Uncle: You scorned my sacrifice. The shop wouldn't even take it back.
Kid: But you tried to punish me when you don't even know if I was good!
Uncle: The ball and chain is not a punishment. It sets you free.
Kid: Where's yours then?
Uncle: I leave it at church, which is where I mostly use it.
Kid: Oh, right. Well, I did you a picture with the paints Mother gave me.
Uncle: You didn't have to do that!
Kid: It's of my dog Jaxie, and those pink things are flowers.
Uncle: Aww! Thankyou! Next year I'll get you those stocks you want ...

Though seriously ... nah, stuff it. The thread is lovely just the way it is!

And when you're standing in front of St. Peter, repeating that over and over and slapping yourself to try to wake up, he will say, "Let me help you with that." Then he'll smack you with the biggest trout ever. Never irk a fisherman.


Or a fishwife. Selling the fish is the real dirty work. ;)