The Parkus Empire
21-09-2007, 21:59
The following is a passage from a book I happen to love. In it, Cugel, the Paragon of Vagabonds is trying to get a job from Soldinck who runs a shipping business. The story takes-place in the far future, where the sun is slowly going out, and magic is rampant:
Soldinck smiled a cold brief smile. “Unfortunately, a single post is open at the moment, that of supercargo aboard the Galante, for which I already have a qualified applicant, namely Bunderwal.”
Cugel gave Bunderwal a careful inspection. “He seems to a modest, decent unassuming person, but defiantly not a sound choice for the position of supercargo.”
“And why do you say that?”
“if you will notice” said Cugel, “Bunderwal shows the drooping nostrils which indicate an infallible tendency towards sea-sickness.
“Cugel is a man of discernment!” declared Bunderwal. “I would rate him an applicant of fair to good quality, and I urge to ignore his long spatulate fingers which I last noticed on Larkin the baby-stealer. This is a significant difference between the two: Larkin has been hanged and Cugel has not been hanged.”
Cugel said: “We are posing problems for poor Soldinck, who already has worries enough. Let us be considerate. I suggest that we trust our fortunes to Mandingo the three-eyed Goddess of Luck.” He brought a packet of playing cards from his pouch.
“The idea has merit,” said Bunderwal. “But let us use my cards which are newer and easier for the eyes of Soldinck”
Cugel frowned. He gave his head a decisive shake and replaced the cards in his pouch. "As I analyze the situation, I see that despite your inclinations—I am truly sorry to say this Bunderwal—it is not proper to deal with Soldincks affairs in so frivolous a fashion. I suggested it only as a test. A person of the proper qualities would have rejected the idea out of hand!”
Soldinck was favorably impressed. “On the mark, Cugel!”
Allow to suggest a comprehensive program,” said Cugel.
“By reason of my wide experience and better address. I will accept the post of supercargo. Bunderwal, so I believe, will make an excellent understudy to Diffin the clerk."
Soldinck turned to Bunderwal: “What do you say to this?”
“Cugel’s qualifications are impressive,” Bunderwal admitted. “Against them I can counterpose only honesty, skill, dedication, and tireless industry. Further, I am a dignified citizen of the area, not a fox-faced vagabond in an over-fancy hat.” [Cugel's hat has three tiers].
Cugel turned to Soldinck: “At last—and we are lucky in this—Bunderwal’s style, which consists of slander and vituperation, can be contrasted with my own dignity and restraint. I still must point out his oily skin and over-large buttocks; they indicate a bent for high living and even a tendency toward peculation. If indeed you hire Bunderwal as under-clerk, I suggest that all locks be reinforced, for the better protection of your valuables.”
A while later Cugel and Bunderwal have attempted several games of chance in a tavern. It was agreed upon the loser would forfeit the job. However, all matches proved indecisive:
…Bunderwal said: “Despite our best efforts, we still have not settled our little problem.”
“And why? Because contests of this sort abandon all to chance! As such, they are incompatible with my personal temperament. “I am not one to crotch passively with my hind-quarters raised, awaiting the kick or caress of destiny! I am Cugel! Fearless and indomitable, I confront every adversity! Through force of sheer will I—“
Bunderwal made an impatient gesture. “Silence, Cugel! I have heard enough of your braggadocio. You have taken too much beer and I believe you to be drunk.”
Cugel stared at Bunderwal is disbelief. “Drunk? On three droughts of this pallid Tatterblass? I have swallowed rain-water of greater force. Boy! Bring more beer!”
Anyway, these are my favorite. I have read the books several time and I even posses the role-playing game.
Soldinck smiled a cold brief smile. “Unfortunately, a single post is open at the moment, that of supercargo aboard the Galante, for which I already have a qualified applicant, namely Bunderwal.”
Cugel gave Bunderwal a careful inspection. “He seems to a modest, decent unassuming person, but defiantly not a sound choice for the position of supercargo.”
“And why do you say that?”
“if you will notice” said Cugel, “Bunderwal shows the drooping nostrils which indicate an infallible tendency towards sea-sickness.
“Cugel is a man of discernment!” declared Bunderwal. “I would rate him an applicant of fair to good quality, and I urge to ignore his long spatulate fingers which I last noticed on Larkin the baby-stealer. This is a significant difference between the two: Larkin has been hanged and Cugel has not been hanged.”
Cugel said: “We are posing problems for poor Soldinck, who already has worries enough. Let us be considerate. I suggest that we trust our fortunes to Mandingo the three-eyed Goddess of Luck.” He brought a packet of playing cards from his pouch.
“The idea has merit,” said Bunderwal. “But let us use my cards which are newer and easier for the eyes of Soldinck”
Cugel frowned. He gave his head a decisive shake and replaced the cards in his pouch. "As I analyze the situation, I see that despite your inclinations—I am truly sorry to say this Bunderwal—it is not proper to deal with Soldincks affairs in so frivolous a fashion. I suggested it only as a test. A person of the proper qualities would have rejected the idea out of hand!”
Soldinck was favorably impressed. “On the mark, Cugel!”
Allow to suggest a comprehensive program,” said Cugel.
“By reason of my wide experience and better address. I will accept the post of supercargo. Bunderwal, so I believe, will make an excellent understudy to Diffin the clerk."
Soldinck turned to Bunderwal: “What do you say to this?”
“Cugel’s qualifications are impressive,” Bunderwal admitted. “Against them I can counterpose only honesty, skill, dedication, and tireless industry. Further, I am a dignified citizen of the area, not a fox-faced vagabond in an over-fancy hat.” [Cugel's hat has three tiers].
Cugel turned to Soldinck: “At last—and we are lucky in this—Bunderwal’s style, which consists of slander and vituperation, can be contrasted with my own dignity and restraint. I still must point out his oily skin and over-large buttocks; they indicate a bent for high living and even a tendency toward peculation. If indeed you hire Bunderwal as under-clerk, I suggest that all locks be reinforced, for the better protection of your valuables.”
A while later Cugel and Bunderwal have attempted several games of chance in a tavern. It was agreed upon the loser would forfeit the job. However, all matches proved indecisive:
…Bunderwal said: “Despite our best efforts, we still have not settled our little problem.”
“And why? Because contests of this sort abandon all to chance! As such, they are incompatible with my personal temperament. “I am not one to crotch passively with my hind-quarters raised, awaiting the kick or caress of destiny! I am Cugel! Fearless and indomitable, I confront every adversity! Through force of sheer will I—“
Bunderwal made an impatient gesture. “Silence, Cugel! I have heard enough of your braggadocio. You have taken too much beer and I believe you to be drunk.”
Cugel stared at Bunderwal is disbelief. “Drunk? On three droughts of this pallid Tatterblass? I have swallowed rain-water of greater force. Boy! Bring more beer!”
Anyway, these are my favorite. I have read the books several time and I even posses the role-playing game.