NationStates Jolt Archive

"Hey ya dumb velociraptor, you're just a scary turkey!"

At least that's what dinosaurologists - do these people have an actual name - are saying.

Link (http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2007/sep/21/1)

Velociraptor, the fearsome dinosaur made famous in the Jurassic Park films, had feathers and probably more closely resembled a big turkey than the killer screen dinosaur, scientists have discovered.

Velociraptor, which was much smaller in real life than its screen version, was a one-metre tall, two-legged predator that lived more than 70m years ago. Equipped with large claws on each leg, it was a close relative to the earliest birds.

Addition: Because of velociraptor's relatively short forelimbs, the feathers would not have helped it to fly.

Stupid things couldn't even fly.

My question is: How would you cook a velociraptor and what vegetables would go with your meal?

We'll be telling our grandkids, "In our day, we thought dinosaurs looked cool."


"Whatever grandpa, can we go see the cloned Mastodon now?"

Cooking: Sear using a 100 teraton blast. Then allow smoke to filter in for flavor.

Veggies to serve with: preferably the most similar plant species to corn and potatoes. Cranberry sauce, too.

I too was thinking cranberry sauce - I can't remember the name but dropping it in a vat of boiling oil was the way forward for me.

Cooking: Sear using a 100 teraton blast.

Uh...I think that would be a little excessive.

And to be honest I'm not too surprised by these findings...not one bit.

We'll be telling our grandkids, "In our day, we thought dinosaurs looked cool."


"Whatever grandpa, can we go see the cloned Mastodon now?"

"you know, original mastadons probably didn't have corporate logos on their hides..."

Honestly, I would have been much more surprised by concrete evidence that Velociraptor lacked feathers. Given what we know so far, one typically expects small, late-Cretaceous theropod dinosaurs to be feathered.

Cooking: Sear using a 100 teraton blast. Then allow smoke to filter in for flavor.

Veggies to serve with: preferably the most similar plant species to corn and potatoes. Cranberry sauce, too.

a gigaton of TNT is the most you can get

Given what we know so far, one typically expects small, late-Cretaceous theropod dinosaurs to be feathered.

This is a very nice sentence for some reason, I'm going to try and use it in everyday conversation.

This is a very nice sentence for some reason, I'm going to try and use it in everyday conversation.

Have fun with that. :p

umm Jesus Juice?

I would see if I could rent the local pizza place so I could cook in their big oven... then...

Ingredients

For Velociraptor:
1 pound kosher salt
1 quart ground coriander
1/2 peck ground cumin
1 large scoop black pepper
1 Velociraptor, plucked and cleaned
1 dozen juice oranges, halved
40 fresh thyme sprigs
40 fresh marjoram sprigs
20 fresh flat-leaf parsley sprigs
10 pounds of small onions, cut into wedges
1/2 case dry white wine
1/2 gallon Velociraptor stock
1/2 bushel of carrots
12 celery plants

For sauce
13 pounds of sugar
13 gallons fresh orange juice (from 100 to 200 oranges)
2 quarts white-wine vinegar
18 pounds of salt
2 to 4 quarts of Velociraptor stock
10 pounds unsalted butter, softened
1 quart all-purpose flour
1 pound fine julienne of fresh orange zest, removed with a vegetable peeler

Put oven rack in middle position and preheat oven to 475°F.

Stir together salt, coriander, cumin, and pepper. Pat Velociraptor dry and sprinkle inside and out with spice mixture. Cut half of the oranges into quarters and put in Velociraptor cavity with thyme, marjoram, parsley, and 5 lbs of onion wedges.

Squeeze juice from remaining half of oranges and stir together with wine and stock. Set aside.

Spread remaining onion wedges in roasting pan with carrot and celery, then place Velociraptor on top of vegetables and roast 30 days.

Pour wine mixture into roasting pan and reduce oven temperature to 350°F. Continue to roast Velociraptor until thermometer inserted into a thigh (close to but not touching bone) registers 170°F, 10 to 11 1/4 hours more. Turn on broiler and broil Velociraptor 3 to 4 feet from heat until top is golden brown, about 3 weeks.

Tilt Velociraptor to drain juices from cavity into pan and transfer Velociraptor to a cutting board (or just use your hardwood floor), reserving juices in pan. Let Velociraptor stand 15 hours.

Make sauce:
While Velociraptor roasts, cook sugar in a dry heavy saucepan over moderate heat, undisturbed, until it begins to melt. Continue to cook, stirring occasionally with a pitchfork, until sugar melts into a deep golden caramel. Add orange juice, vinegar, and salt (use caution; mixture will bubble and steam vigorously, not unlike an ancient volcano) and simmer over low heat, stirring occasionally, until caramel is dissolved. Remove syrup from heat.

Discard vegetables from roasting pan and pour pan juices through a fine-mesh sieve into a 10 gallon glass measure or bowl, then skim off and discard fat. Add enough stock to pan juices to total 1 gallon of liquid.

Stir together butter and flour to form a beurre manié. Bring pan juices to a simmer in a heavy saucepan, then add beurre manié, whisking constantly to prevent lumps. Add orange syrup and zest and simmer, whisking occasionally, until sauce is thickened slightly and zest is tender, about 5 hours. Serve with Velociraptor.


Makes 40 servings.

*snip*

You have done justice to the velociraptor here - I think the tang of orange would do well to offset the game-y taste of a velociraptor, I was originally thinking of a more traditional stuffing but yours is better.

My only problem with this is the thought of frickin' velociraptor sandwiches for the next month....

You have done justice to the velociraptor here - I think the tang of orange would do well to offset the game-y taste of a velociraptor, I was originally thinking of a more traditional stuffing but yours is better.

My only problem with this is the thought of frickin' velociraptor sandwiches for the next month....

It's not exactly something you make for home, at least not to that extent. A full raptor would be a party meal.

You'd probably just buy some raptor breasts or something if you want to eat it at home.

It's not exactly something you make for home, at least not to that extent. A full raptor would be a party meal.

You'd probably just buy some raptor breasts or something if you want to eat it at home.

Thanks for the clarification - would anyone suggest a good wine?

This is not a bad argument for cloning dinosaurs - think of the cooking possibilities, think of the restaurant names one could come up with.

I would name my restaurant - L'Extinction - a touch of French would make for a classy joint.

Actually, I knew this like 13 years ago and I'm only 20! ;)

Actually, I knew this like 13 years ago and I'm only 20! ;)

You're an official dino-star then :)

I'm happy with my 'Greatest fail poll' voting status - I need to be the best at something and if it's recorded in posterity that I am the best in creating epic failures of polls then I might make the bold leap of adding a sig to let everyone permanently know of my status.

"Hey ya dumb velociraptor, you're just a scary turkey!"

Yep. I'll bet Michael Crichton only picked them because he thought they had a cool name.
However, it had relatives:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utahraptor

Anyway, I recommend diced velociraptor, stir fried with ginger and soy sauce.

Dinosaurologists.

...

Dinosaurologists.


...


...


DINOSAUROLOGISTS??!!!??!?!?

"Hey ya dumb velociraptor, you're just a scary turkey!"

At least that's what dinosaurologists - do these people have an actual name - are saying?


Paleontologists, I believe, is the word you're grasping for.
And Ostriches can't fly -- it doesn't mean they can't seriously kill you by stomping, pecking, beating with wings -- and oh, disembowelling, which is curiously enough what velociraptors did with their hind legs, too.

I strongly believe that, back in the day when they discovered dinosaurs, they were called dinosaurologists.

Then, people started laughing at them when they introduced themselves: 'Hi, I'm Mike, I'm a dinosaurologist' to which the reply was ' Ha ha ha, dinosaurologist? You study big lizard monsters?'

So they came up with the word 'paleontology' as if that meant anything.

'Oh, you're a paleontologist?'
'Why yes, yes I am.'
'What does a paleontologist do again?'
'Amm...we...err...we conduct scientific exploratory hypotheses in order to ascertain the...err...the validity of feathorial vestiture in arthropods of the late jurassic period'
'Oh, you study big lizard monsters?'
"No, really, it's more than that...'
'Are you a dinosaurologist?'
'Gah!'

I think turkeys can be quite scary.

I think turkeys can be quite scary.

A big ass one attacked my buddies car.

I think turkeys can be quite scary.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Utahraptor_BW.jpg

Scary turkey.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Utahraptor_BW.jpg

Scary turkey.

Looks more like something Wile E. Coyote might try to catch with the aid of some ACME rocket powered roller skates.

I strongly believe that, back in the day when they discovered dinosaurs, they were called dinosaurologists.

Then, people started laughing at them when they introduced themselves: 'Hi, I'm Mike, I'm a dinosaurologist' to which the reply was ' Ha ha ha, dinosaurologist? You study big lizard monsters?'

So they came up with the word 'paleontology' as if that meant anything.

'Oh, you're a paleontologist?'
'Why yes, yes I am.'
'What does a paleontologist do again?'
'Amm...we...err...we conduct scientific exploratory hypotheses in order to ascertain the...err...the validity of feathorial vestiture in arthropods of the late jurassic period'
'Oh, you study big lizard monsters?'
"No, really, it's more than that...'
'Are you a dinosaurologist?'
'Gah!'
As amusing as this idea is, I'm afraid I'm going to have to murder it in favor of the truth.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paleontologist

Paleontology, palaeontology or palæontology (from Greek: paleo, "ancient"; ontos, "being"; and λόγος, logos, "knowledge") is the study of prehistoric life forms on Earth through the examination of plant and animal fossils.[1] This includes the study of body fossils, tracks (ichnites), burrows, cast-off parts, fossilised faeces (coprolites), palynomorphs and chemical residues. Studies of prehistoric hominins, their culture and their behaviour are the purview of two other disciplines, archaeology and paleoanthropology.

As you can see, it was put together from Greek root words in a sensible manner.

a gigaton of TNT is the most you can get

I prefer to cook dinosaur meat using meteorite blasts (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicxulub_Crater#Impact_specifics).

You have done justice to the velociraptor here - I think the tang of orange would do well to offset the game-y taste of a velociraptor, I was originally thinking of a more traditional stuffing but yours is better.

My only problem with this is the thought of frickin' velociraptor sandwiches for the next month....

This is where a donation of food to your local homeless shelter becomes not only a welcome and lifesaving thing for them, but for you as well.

Although Velociraptor Tetrazzini, Velociraptor Soup and Velociraptor Hash are three good ways to use the leftovers.

And, although it is a little bit soylent green, you might just throw the slops to the velociraptors. :D

Paleontologists, I believe, is the word you're grasping for.
And Ostriches can't fly -- it doesn't mean they can't seriously kill you by stomping, pecking, beating with wings -- and oh, disembowelling, which is curiously enough what velociraptors did with their hind legs, too.

Actually, the claws on the hind legs were used for puncturing and clinging on, as the serrated edge wasn't sharp enough to slice anything. The teeth did all the work. A researcher I know did some tests with a raptor claw and a pig carcass. He volunteered himself as a test specimen, but Health and Safety didn't allow it...

I bet those Kids from Jurassic park are kicking themselves for not having birdseed n....hang on you' know how birds explode when you give them rice :)

SNIP

are you cool enough to be a dinosaurologist?

http://www.ericdsnider.com/images/dinosaur.JPG

are you cool enough to be a dinosaurologist?

http://www.ericdsnider.com/images/dinosaur.JPG

Is that from a Young Earth site? That's just silly.

I bet those Kids from Jurassic park are kicking themselves for not having birdseed n....hang on you' know how birds explode when you give them rice :)


Better yet...

Spring is here, a-suh-puh-ring is here.
Life is skittles and life is beer.
I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring.
I do, don't you? 'Course you do.
But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me,
And makes every Sunday a treat for me.

All the world seems in tune
On a spring afternoon,
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.
Every Sunday you'll see
My sweetheart and me,
As we poison the pigeons in the park.

When they see us coming, the birdies all try an' hide,
But they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide.
The sun's shining bright,
Everything seems all right,
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

We've gained notoriety,
And caused much anxiety
In the Audubon Society
With our games.
They call it impiety
And lack of propriety,
And quite a variety
Of unpleasant names.
But it's not against any religion
To want to dispose of a pigeon.

So if Sunday you're free,
Why don't you come with me,
And we'll poison the pigeons in the park.
And maybe we'll do
In a velociraptor or two,
While we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

We'll murder them all amid laughter and merriment,
Except for the few we take home to experiment.
My pulse will be quickenin'
With each drop of strych'nine
We feed to a pigeon.
(It just takes a smidgin!)
To poison a pigeon in the park.

(Poisoning Pigeons in the Park by Tom Lehrer... and for anyone who didn't know that, you should look up the songs of Tom Lehrer, they are all this goofy and many make very good social points as well as entertaining enormously! End of commercial)

Is that from a Young Earth site? That's just silly.

Awww... c'mon! Wouldn't you want YOUR Lord and Savior to ride around on a dinosaur? I mean, how cool would that be! Hell, if some guy in a white dress showed up downtown riding a brontosaurus, I'D worship him! :D

Awww... c'mon! Wouldn't you want YOUR Lord and Savior to ride around on a dinosaur? I mean, how cool would that be! Hell, if some guy in a white dress showed up downtown riding a brontosaurus, I'D worship him! :D

Why worship some guy in a white dress who shows up on an extinct animal? That's even sillier than the idea itself.

Why worship some guy in a white dress who shows up on an extinct animal? That's even sillier than the idea itself.

Oh right! Because, of course, my remark was so obviously intended to be taken seriously. :rolleyes:

Oh right! Because, of course, my remark was so obviously intended to be taken seriously. :rolleyes:

Of course it was. All things are taken seriously. Didn't you know that? :D

I don't care what science tells me. I believe movies over science any day.

Is that from a Young Earth site? That's just silly.

no idea but I found this searching for dinosaurologist:

67 dinosaurs in a week: that’s what diggers from Montana State University found in the Gobi Desert in Mongolia. The team effort was led by veteran dinosaurologist Jack Horner. Most skeletons were Psittacosaurs, thought to be predecessors of the horned ceratopsids, like Triceratops. Seeking to understand the developmental biology of dinosaurs, the team was less interested in new species than lots of specimens of one species: “Horner wants a large number of fossils so he can compare variations between skeletons and changes during growth.”
The press release mentioned nothing specific about evolution, nor about how these skeletons became buried in such large numbers. The one picture shows the hunters working in an arid, desert environment that must be very different from the world in which these dinosaurs perished. Lecture notes from Columbia University and from a 2001 expedition to the area claim the creatures were buried in shallow lake bed sediments.

:eek:maybe those dinosaurologists aren't so clever after all!

link: http://creationsafaris.com/crev200609.htm