NationStates Jolt Archive

So whats your view on this controversial issue? Perfectly acceptable or an unneeded tradition?

My parents had an arranged marriage, where they both had to agree to it. At that time they were happy but now they hate each other and my mum told me if she had the chance then she wouldn't have got married. After al these problems the rest of my family has seen they have decided that arranged marriages are unneeded tradition so effectively I dodged that bullet.

I am personally against them and see no reason for them. People should marry for love not to bring strong family ties.

Also it must be stated here that there is a difference between a FORCED marriage and ARRANGED marriage where a forced marriage is where parents force there children to marry someone else without the childs consent and arranged is where both familys meet and the ones to be married agree to have the marriage.

I don't trust my parents hotness vision myself

plus there is all the stuff about committing for an eternity (lies) and worrying that you may end up with a Man united fan:p

Don't like them. Personally, I would think that it would be damn hard to say no to the parents when they are breathing down your neck, add in small threats about being kicked out of the house and/or disowned when the topic is brought up and I have to wonder just how much free will is actually involved.

I also question why parents think they know the right person for their child. They are their child's parents, they might know the child well, but they still are not the child.

And finally, what does that say of the actual value that child has to his or her parents? I know the parents usually say they just want their child to be happy, but I think they are confusing what they THINK would make THEM happy, with what their child actually wants. It also seems to suggest that, to such parents, the real issue is that the child gives them grandkids post haste.

Well afaik arranged marriages in the traditional sense are inherently sexist though right? It being that I assume it's the girl who is pushed much more into it , while the guy kinda has a choice.

Its a hard thing to debate. I'm English, and so such a thing just is not within my culture. Anything I have to say about it will be culturaly biased.

Having said that, it seems draconian to me to have your parents interfer in such an aspect of lifelike that, as well as running counter to biological happenings.

When we chose a mate there are all sorts of unconciouse, biological, reasons why we choose the person we do. How can your parents make the right choice for you without being you?

Arranged marriages are clearly one of the great ills of society. More people should just elope to Gretna Green! They'd save a fortune on flowers and cake and things.

When they come concurrent with an expectation of infedility, I'm not wholly against the idea.

When fidelity is expected, and therefore not even considered, it's an abominable idea.

I doubt you'll have much luck finding anyone here who seriously supports it.

Well afaik arranged marriages in the traditional sense are inherently sexist though right? It being that I assume it's the girl who is pushed much more into it , while the guy kinda has a choice.

It depends on the situation. In some cases the guy has a choice but the girl doesn't, in others it vice versa and even then theres the ones where neither have a choice.

I was watching The Jeremy Kyle Show this morning where a girl (whose name and voice were changed to protect her) was told she was to marry at the age of 15. She rebelled and her father threatened to kill her if she didn't comply. She ran away and now at the age of 17 is still in hiding from her own family and has to keep moving towns to avoid her family getting her.

Its crazy what some people will do to keep there family pride high even if it hurts there own children.

Its a hard thing to debate. I'm English, and so such a thing just is not within my culture. Anything I have to say about it will be culturaly biased.

Having said that, it seems draconian to me to have your parents interfer in such an aspect of lifelike that, as well as running counter to biological happenings.

When we chose a mate there are all sorts of unconciouse, biological, reasons why we choose the person we do. How can your parents make the right choice for you without being you?

An Imam on the show said that Arranged and forced marriage affects all ethnicities, all races, all ages in one way or another.

An Imam on the show said that Arranged and forced marriage affects all ethnicities, all races, all ages in one way or another.

Good for him. Semantic gymnastics on his part to avoid the fact they are more prevalent in Islam than most cultural and religious groups I feel.

Actually, how bored were you to watch Jeremy Kyle?:D

I think in some ways it could be very good, if you don't view it with a libertarian bias arranged marriages can provide a great sense of direction and dependence in life, and a stability they would like to have in their lives. I'd say the occasional runaway or rebellion is probably 1 in a million kinda stuff, I'd imagine when it's ingrained in the societies culture and traditional that it's quite beneficial if voluntary - going on the dating scene and searching for a partner isn't for everyone - some people like to settle down early.

Good for him. Semantic gymnastics on his part to avoid the fact they are more prevalent in Islam than most cultural and religious groups I feel.

Actually, how bored were you to watch Jeremy Kyle?:D

Hey! As you should know this wiating for uni to start thing is boring. I've only got 3 more days but I still think That Jeremy Kyle is a god among chatshow hosts. Who can ever forget :"Get off my stage!"

I think in some ways it could be very good, if you don't view it with a libertarian bias arranged marriages can provide a great sense of direction and dependence in life, and a stability they would like to have in their lives. I'd say the occasional runaway or rebellion is probably 1 in a million kinda stuff, I'd imagine when it's ingrained in the societies culture and traditional that it's quite beneficial if voluntary - going on the dating scene and searching for a partner isn't for everyone - some people like to settle down early.
Yes, it did absolute wonders for Japan all the long years it has been around. There's been no problems at all. :rolleyes:

An Imam on the show said that Arranged and forced marriage affects all ethnicities, all races, all ages in one way or another.

Heh really? I have never know it to effect English born, english white people? Unless of course there choice of partner has run away from such a marriage or some such.

I think it is pmtortant to differentiate between between forced are arranged marriages.The role it the professional matchmaket has been ingraned it western culture for centuries.Forced marrages are a different story are really should not be condoned.

So whats your view on this controversial issue? Perfectly acceptable or an unneeded tradition?

Marriage is a binding legal contract. A minor child should not, by definition, be permitted to enter into a marital contract, nor should any individual who is not legally competent.

This means that the individuals getting married must be legally adult and consent to the union. If they want to have their relationship chosen for them by outside parties, that's their business. If they want to marry for love, that's their business. If they want to marry for money, for better parking, for sex, or for laughs, that's their business.

As long as all parties are competent and consenting, their reasons are their own.

Yes, it did absolute wonders for Japan all the long years it has been around. There's been no problems at all. :rolleyes:

Well I am not advocating the sexist approached Japan had, I would put that both the girl and guy should be equal in the arrangement, but that the parents (or even a state govt agency) would offer to set them up on a voluntary basis if wanted, if they preferred a stable approach. Given the divorce rates these days (especially in my country) I think an emphasis on settling down and the social contract of marriage should be put forward. We should be pulling no punches on what marriage and families are all about, they are a contract for investment in the future of the country!

We should be pulling no punches on what marriage and families are all about, they are a contract for investment in the future of the country!

I'm gonna disagree with that one. What is to stop a family emigrating?

Personaly speaking, I got married and had children more because of biological imperative than for the sake of my country.

Given the divorce rates these days (especially in my country) I think an emphasis on settling down and the social contract of marriage should be put forward.
Why?

Seriously, recent history has shown us that marriage isn't remotely necessary for a healthy and functioning society.

Our kids are healthier, smarter, and far more informed than any previous generations. The overwhelming majority of kids who grow up in "non-traditional" families are doing just fine.

The majority of people who get married decide not to stay that way forever. Why should we assume they're making a bad choice? Marriage as we know it was originally applied during a time when "till death parts us" meant maybe 15-20 years, assuming the wife didn't die in childbirth sooner. People got married half way through their probable life span, too. Nowadays we still get married around 20-25 years of age, yet we can look forward to living until at least 70.

People who are unmarried and/or lack children of their own are also able to contribute in lots of ways that they might not other wise. For instance, my aunt and uncle (married, but with no children) are teachers. My aunt also teaches music in her spare time, while my uncle runs a sort of Habitat For Humanity group in their area. Children eat up your free time, so they would have had far less chance to be involved in these activities if they'd married for the purpose of procreation. They also could have engaged in all these activities if they'd never married.

I'm honestly not able to think of a single thing that a married person could provide for society which an unmarried person is inherently unable to provide. Perhaps you can clue me in?

I'm gonna disagree with that one. What is to stop a family emigrating?

Personaly speaking, I got married and had children more because of biological imperative than for the sake of my country.
Well whatever your motive, the purpose is the same, and as emigration - well we should focus on making our countries the best to stay in (economically), plus a bit of nationalism doesn't hurt, As Peter Costello said (god knows why I am quoting him), parents should have '2 for themselves, 1 for the country'.

Well whatever your motive, the purpose is the same, and as emigration - well we should focus on making our countries the best to stay in (economically), plus a bit of nationalism doesn't hurt, As Peter Costello said (god knows why I am quoting him), parents should have '2 for themselves, 1 for the country'.
Good to know that people who want to marry but don't want to have kids are totally irrelevant to the future of society.

Ok, that wasn't really fair, but still...you make it sound like the best thing people can do for their country is contribute to the overpopulation crisis. That's pretty ignorant.

Well whatever your motive, the purpose is the same, and as emigration - well we should focus on making our countries the best to stay in (economically), plus a bit of nationalism doesn't hurt, As Peter Costello said (god knows why I am quoting him), parents should have '2 for themselves, 1 for the country'.

Heh again I'm going to disagree with you and provide a quote of me own.

'Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel'
Samuel Johnsone

Nationalism very much hurts the world and pits mankind upon each other using geography (of all things) as a basis for all sorts of harm.

As to motive, it's not a motive, it is though the reason for all of life.

Heh again I'm going to disagree with you and provide a quote of me own.

'Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel'
Samuel Johnsone

Nationalism very much hurts the world and pits mankind upon each other using geography (of all things) as a basis for all sorts of harm.

As to motive, it's not a motive, it is though the reason for all of life.
Well I am not a nationalist in the true sense, I just think that inspiring us to work selflessly for our community should be the highest goal, so I am a communitarian, and while the family and nation aren't the best social institutions I could think of, they are the ones we have got.

I'm honestly not able to think of a single thing that a married person could provide for society which an unmarried person is inherently unable to provide. Perhaps you can clue me in?



Ummmm wedding anniversary's?

Ummmm wedding anniversary's?
What does a wedding anniversary provide to society, in and of itself?

(I'm really curious, since I know people who routinely forget their wedding anniversaries, so I want to be able to tell them that they're bad citizens for doing that.)

I'm in favour of it, if only because it's the only way poor little Hebitia will ever get any! It's a shame that my family aren't from the other side of the world, really.

In reality, I'm in favour of anything consensual that doesn't harm innocent bystanders (ESPECIALLY gratuitous nudity). If both parties are willing to give the arranged marriage a shot, then go for it. If neither of them are willing, on the other hand, and yet they're being made to do it anyway, that's a different story.

Well I am not a nationalist in the true sense, I just think that inspiring us to work selflessly for our community should be the highest goal, so I am a communitarian, and while the family and nation aren't the best social institutions I could think of, they are the ones we have got.

There is nowt wrong with that outlook on life, I guess I find it a better attitude to include the rest of the world in that community.

Marriage is a binding legal contract. A minor child should not, by definition, be permitted to enter into a marital contract, nor should any individual who is not legally competent.

This means that the individuals getting married must be legally adult and consent to the union. If they want to have their relationship chosen for them by outside parties, that's their business. If they want to marry for love, that's their business. If they want to marry for money, for better parking, for sex, or for laughs, that's their business.

As long as all parties are competent and consenting, their reasons are their own.

I'm going to agree with this, with the addition that I don't personally think it is a good idea to have someone else choose for you.

There is nowt wrong with that outlook on life, I guess I find it a better attitude to include the rest of the world in that community.

That will happen eventually anyways, barriers and differences between countries are breaking down every day.

What does a wedding anniversary provide to society, in and of itself?

(I'm really curious, since I know people who routinely forget their wedding anniversaries, so I want to be able to tell them that they're bad citizens for doing that.)
Another excuse to buy expensive gifts thereby stimulating the economy, specifically the hoteliers, jewelers, food services, chocolatiers, and, of course, the florists industries. It's like Valentine's Day the whole year long.

Yes, my tongue is firmly in my cheek with this.

Well I am not advocating the sexist approached Japan had, I would put that both the girl and guy should be equal in the arrangement, but that the parents (or even a state govt agency) would offer to set them up on a voluntary basis if wanted, if they preferred a stable approach. Given the divorce rates these days (especially in my country) I think an emphasis on settling down and the social contract of marriage should be put forward. We should be pulling no punches on what marriage and families are all about, they are a contract for investment in the future of the country!
But how can you claim stability with partners chosen for you, not by you? The only one who knows what you want is you after all.

But how can you claim stability with partners chosen for you, not by you? The only one who knows what you want is you after all.
Well that 'soul mate' stuff is mostly bull, people can get on with other people well enough most of the time anyways, I was simply saying any arrangement that promotes stability instead of a quick lay deal is good.

Well that 'soul mate' stuff is mostly bull, people can get on with other people well enough most of the time anyways, I was simply saying any arrangement that promotes stability instead of a quick lay deal is good.
Getting along with your workmates or schoolmates is VERY different from trying to get along with your spouse. So I still fail to see why you think it would promote stability.

Getting along with your workmates or schoolmates is VERY different from trying to get along with your spouse. So I still fail to see why you think it would promote stability.

Well I tend to disagree with that their is some kind of secret match and you will instantly fall in love or whatever, I think far from passion is that married couples learn to like each other more so over time, and I am not saying that personalities don't clash because sometimes they do, but moreover marriage is a binding contract - it's a commitment. So if a couple gets an arranged marriage early then either of them won't fall into casual short-term attitudes.

I think you can learn to love just about anyone, but I don't think you should have to.

I chose my husband, my mother and father hate him (should that be hated since my father is dead? or maybe he still hates my husband?), they also tried to pick me dates and I didn't like any of those guys.

I think that you can't always trust other people to make big huge decisions for your life. I think if you have to though, you should probably make the best of it.

So whats your view on this controversial issue? Perfectly acceptable or an unneeded tradition?

My parents had an arranged marriage, where they both had to agree to it. At that time they were happy but now they hate each other and my mum told me if she had the chance then she wouldn't have got married. After al these problems the rest of my family has seen they have decided that arranged marriages are unneeded tradition so effectively I dodged that bullet.

I am personally against them and see no reason for them. People should marry for love not to bring strong family ties.

Also it must be stated here that there is a difference between a FORCED marriage and ARRANGED marriage where a forced marriage is where parents force there children to marry someone else without the childs consent and arranged is where both familys meet and the ones to be married agree to have the marriage.

An idiotic and pointless tradition, best done away with. My parents weren't arranged, though, so it looks like I'm certainly wide of the bullet on that one.

The only real influence I hope my future father in law to have is the traditional roles: acquiring his blessing (not to marry his daughter, but to ask to marry his daughter) and the paying of the dinner.

Other than that, it should be up to myself and the woman I intend to marry. And my mother should have little to do with it. My favorite recipes, surprisingly, involve grilling recipes handed down by my grandfathers directly to me. Thus, even after a few years living away from my mother, I'm still not dying for her cooking. I'll accept it, but "mom's recipe" doesn't need to be copied by my wife. My son, however, will learn to grill, or he will be disowned.

Well I am not advocating the sexist approached Japan had, I would put that both the girl and guy should be equal in the arrangement, but that the parents (or even a state govt agency) would offer to set them up on a voluntary basis if wanted, if they preferred a stable approach. Given the divorce rates these days (especially in my country) I think an emphasis on settling down and the social contract of marriage should be put forward. We should be pulling no punches on what marriage and families are all about, they are a contract for investment in the future of the country!

I was of the impression that arranged marriage was rare in Japan these days...although I'm sure it happened a lot back in the day, just as it happened a lot everywhere back in the day. Hell, I'm pretty sure some churches have done a complete about-face within their lifespans on the issue. I know for a fact that European nobility was chocked full of arranged and forced marriages hundreds of years ago, and the Catholics probably had a lot to say with that, but the Catholic Church seems to have gone in the other direction with regard to arranged marriage.

As for my own life, I married of my own free will, as did my parents and my parents' parents. I'm guessing that, if I ever have kids, they will do the same...although I should hope to wield some measure of veto if they bring home a total dipshit (not so much by the whole, "I FORBID you to see that boy/girl again! I FORBID IT!"...more along the lines of scaring the shit out of the other person so they never come back. Dads don't get to do that much anymore. And frankly, anyone who's kid of on the fence with me and survives such an interrogation with his/her sanity intact will win my respect. I would say it's a good litmus test for a kid.)

Some of the more traditional among my people still arrange marriages. It's not nearly as common anymore, but there are those who wish to adhere more closely to our traditions, and who have started to revive this practice, whereas other communities never stopped doing it.

My take on it is the same as my take on most things. If the people involved want to do it this way, I see absolutely nothing wrong with it, as it hurts noone. It becomes a problem only when the involvement stops being voluntary.

Well, I know for some muslims, the idea of arranged marriage is based on faith, over looks. Your parents find you a pious person, and you marry them. It should be noted that, IIRC, arranged marriages have the least amount of divorces, as opposed to lust/love marriages.

Another excuse to buy expensive gifts thereby stimulating the economy, specifically the hoteliers, jewelers, food services, chocolatiers, and, of course, the florists industries. It's like Valentine's Day the whole year long.

Yes, my tongue is firmly in my cheek with this.

If anything, the people I know seem less likely to do that kind of thing for wedding anniversaries, at least after the very first one. Usually it's the young lovers who spend piles of cash celebrating their "three month anniversary" and such. (Personal pet peeve: it is not possible to have a three month anniversary. Anniversary comes from the world annual, meaning "once a year.")

Well, I know for some muslims, the idea of arranged marriage is based on faith, over looks. Your parents find you a pious person, and you marry them. It should be noted that, IIRC, arranged marriages have the least amount of divorces, as opposed to lust/love marriages.

That doesn't mean that arranged marriages are the happiest though

If anything, the people I know seem less likely to do that kind of thing for wedding anniversaries, at least after the very first one. Usually it's the young lovers who spend piles of cash celebrating their "three month anniversary" and such. (Personal pet peeve: it is not possible to have a three month anniversary. Anniversary comes from the world annual, meaning "once a year.")

My parents still do anniversary gifts, and they've been (more or less) happily married for 26 years. Granted it's more often than not tickets to see a play or going out for a movie without the kids, which means that they're just as much a present for us kids.

So would it be a "Quarterversary"?

What does a wedding anniversary provide to society, in and of itself?

(I'm really curious, since I know people who routinely forget their wedding anniversaries, so I want to be able to tell them that they're bad citizens for doing that.)

It provides a living for people that cater exclusively to wedding anniversary's.

Tell them they are taking food out of some poor party organiser's mouths, the evil gits!

When they come concurrent with an expectation of infedility, I'm not wholly against the idea.

When fidelity is expected, and therefore not even considered, it's an abominable idea.
Actually, that is a point. Indians, like most asians, are notoriously unfaithful. Maybe this is why; it is only fair. After all, it is merely 'an arrangement'.

I doubt you'll have much luck finding anyone here who seriously supports it.
Sorry Australiasiaville-

I am content with the idea, so long as it is simply arranged rather than forced. I think it takes the hassle out of finding a spouse. They just released some census information here (In Canada), and for the first time since they began recording, there are fewer married adults than non-married ones, due mostly to the boom in common law couples, and also due to the rise in divorces. My guess is that the trick is for both people who are matched to be devoted enough to the tradition to stick to the marriage and find things in the partner to love (Whether it is an arranged marriage or not). I suppose I am a bit of an idealist, but I am not big on divorce at all, and also determined never to shack up with someone without being married first. Based on that, it strikes me as much better to simply have my marriage arranged than having to date prospective mates and get all caught up in the culture around that (At least here, dating seems predominantly about sex, rather than finding someone to love for a lifetime).

Well I tend to disagree with that their is some kind of secret match and you will instantly fall in love or whatever, I think far from passion is that married couples learn to like each other more so over time, and I am not saying that personalities don't clash because sometimes they do, but moreover marriage is a binding contract - it's a commitment. So if a couple gets an arranged marriage early then either of them won't fall into casual short-term attitudes.

Heheh you are quite wrong you know. When we choose a mate, as I have already said, there are all sorts of unconcious factors invovled, mostly to do with strong genes, good immune system, etc...

We are talking peromones, body language, build , hair colour, all sorts of things that don't even registar in our psysches, but we just know, somehow, that this person is the one for us, while that person would not be a good match.

When I first laid eyes on the women who was to become my wife, the attraction was instant, and it was mutule. So agian while I offer up only my subjective experiance, it does allow me to say that your belife is quite wrong.

Unnecessary tradition. I would not trust my parents to choose a spouse for me and nor should anyone else. It may be an arranged marriage, but you are still being forced to get along with this person regardless of whether there is any real connection between you.

I thought we were going to be arranging marriages between nationstaters...

Anyway, sure. If you think your kid will be too ugly/socially-inept to get a partner on his/her own, why not give him/her a chance by arranging a marriage while they're still cute?

I have a friend from a very traditional Korean family whose folks arranged his marraige. The first arrangement fell through because the girl started school at some military college. Annapolis, I think. His parents refused to have a daughter-in-law so unfeminine. She and my friend had never met, but had written one another regularly. So now he has a second fiancee he's never met.

Unfortunately, the joke's on his parents and the poor girl, since he's gay. I told him he should tell his parents that he's going to marry my sister. (his best friend) Then tell his parents he's gay. They'll be so glad he's not marrying a white girl, gay won't even bother them.

Incendentally, I remember reading somewhere that arranged marraiges in general had the same rate of satisfaction as none arranged marraiges. Though maybe the difference in expectations has something to do with that. ( sorry, I can't remember the source, so you're welcome to take it with a grain of salt)

I'm almost beginning to wish I had been placed in an arranged marriage. It might have been the only way I'd ever have a lasting relationship.

i dont think that the problem is with arranged marriages. its not like marrying for love has a great track record of longevity or satisfaction. having one's parents pick out a suitable mate has some potential for working out.

the problem is when the couple is pressured into what is obviously not going to be a good marriage for them and when divorce is not freely available in cases where the marriage is not going to work.

So whats your view on this controversial issue? Perfectly acceptable or an unneeded tradition?

My parents had an arranged marriage, where they both had to agree to it. At that time they were happy but now they hate each other and my mum told me if she had the chance then she wouldn't have got married. After al these problems the rest of my family has seen they have decided that arranged marriages are unneeded tradition so effectively I dodged that bullet.

I am personally against them and see no reason for them. People should marry for love not to bring strong family ties.

Also it must be stated here that there is a difference between a FORCED marriage and ARRANGED marriage where a forced marriage is where parents force there children to marry someone else without the childs consent and arranged is where both familys meet and the ones to be married agree to have the marriage.

It's a shitty idea. My parents actually dated first (even though Dad was dating a woman ten years younger than him...letch :p)

That doesn't mean that arranged marriages are the happiest though

No it doesn't, but at the same time, there is the possibility of them being happy.

Besides, I don't think most love/lust relationships are happy. People constantly cheating, breaking up, getting divorces etc. That seems to be rather unhappy.

I'm entirely in favor of arranged marriages as long as the people getting married are the ones doing the arranging.

Actually, that is a point. Indians, like most asians, are notoriously unfaithful. Maybe this is why; it is only fair. After all, it is merely 'an arrangement'.

Well, as the son of an Indian, I got no intention of doing so.

Actually, that is a point. Indians, like most asians, are notoriously unfaithful. Maybe this is why; it is only fair. After all, it is merely 'an arrangement'.

Wait...Indians with a dot, or with a feather? :P

And...source?

*doesn't hold breath*

Actually, that is a point. Indians, like most asians, are notoriously unfaithful. Maybe this is why; it is only fair. After all, it is merely 'an arrangement'.

and since everyone else is asking...

do you mean indian MEN or are indian women also notoriously unfaithful?

pfft...Who needs marriage...thats for gays...:D

"regular" marriages fail just as often as arranged. I don't have a problem with them. Marriage isn't based on the amount of love going into it, but rather in the work put into it and making the love between spouses greater throughout the marriage.

Hey! As you should know this wiating for uni to start thing is boring. I've only got 3 more days but I still think That Jeremy Kyle is a god among chatshow hosts. Who can ever forget :"Get off my stage!"

I haven't been up before 12 since June; mornings are something that happen to other people right now:D

At least you're going early. I don't go until the 6th October, a good week after the last of everybody has gone; I might make a start on reading....:eek:

Well, as the son of an Indian, I got no intention of doing so.
Good for you! *slaps on shoulder*

Wait...Indians with a dot, or with a feather? :P

And...source?

*doesn't hold breath*
Indians. The ones who weren't mistaken for indians. The marriage arranging type.

Yeah, don't hold your breath for a 'source' on a cultural stereotype.

and since everyone else is asking...

do you mean indian MEN or are indian women also notoriously unfaithful?
Well the men I suppose. I don't know enough indian women well enough to be certain if it is also true of them. I doubt it.

Well the men I suppose. I don't know enough indian women well enough to be certain if it is also true of them. I doubt it.

is that the stereotype of indian men living in australia?

Good for you! *slaps on shoulder*

Eh. Philandering's kinda stupid. Just make it a game: Who's more sexually uninterested?

I'm all for arranged marriage, unless of course they are same-sex. Those should be based solely on love.

Eh. Philandering's kinda stupid. Just make it a game: Who's more sexually uninterested?
It is kind of stupid. It's like they get girlfriends for the sole purpose of cheating on them. They waste their own time.

is that the stereotype of indian men living in australia?

Not really, as it is an observation on the indian culture. It is built upon indian immigrants, not Australian born Indians (who show no such tendencies) Though, if you want to nit pick, I know it to be true of Indian men in both Australia and Malaysia.

I will also say I disapprove of arranged marriages. It should be the sole choice of the man and woman.

Not really, as it is an observation on the indian culture. It is built upon indian immigrants, not Australian born Indians (who show no such tendencies) Though, if you want to nit pick, I know it to be true of Indian men in both Australia and Malaysia.

i had no idea. i guess ive led a sheltered life when it comes to the philandering of indian men.

i had no idea. i guess ive led a sheltered life when it comes to the philandering of indian men.

Chinese too. It is actually quite morbid in that there is something of social pressure on them to conform to it. It is occasionally the case where a guy will struggle with it (particularly in Australia, where their social values are contrasted to ours, taking away the authority of monopoly and granting them the responsibility of choice). I knew this one guy, Nomi, who felt kind of bad about it. Like he didn't like the idea in principle, but felt emasculated if he didn't go along with it.

Philandering isn't the right word really. They aren't diabolical charm demons with a web of ladies. More like they will have a girlfriend and rent a prostitute, go to a sleazy massage parlour, or have a one night stand. I baffles me.

Chinese too. It is actually quite morbid in that there is something of social pressure on them to conform to it. It is occasionally the case where a guy will struggle with it (particularly in Australia, where their social values are contrasted to ours, taking away the authority of monopoly and granting them the responsibility of choice). I knew this one guy, Nomi, who felt kind of bad about it. Like he didn't like the idea in principle, but felt emasculated if he didn't go along with it.

Philandering isn't the right word really. They aren't diabolical charm demons with a web of ladies. More like they will have a girlfriend and rent a prostitute, go to a sleazy massage parlour, or have a one night stand. I baffles me.

they dont "outgrow" it after a few years of sleazy behavior?

i had no idea. i guess ive led a sheltered life when it comes to the philandering of indian men.

It's not something we generally advertise. *cough cough*

It's not something we generally advertise. *cough cough*

i live in a small town that has an indian mayor. he is a bit of a philanderer but as a sample of one i assumed he was just an asshole not a living stereotype.

im tellin' ya, im sheltered.

i live in a small town that has an indian mayor. he is a bit of a philanderer but as a sample of one i assumed he was just an asshole not a living stereotype.

im tellin' ya, im sheltered.

Aren't you from the south? That's to be expected then :p

Aren't you from the south? That's to be expected then :p

no i live in new mexico but i grew up in maine and lived in michigan and wisconsin for a long time.

i have only known a handful of indian people though. y'all need to spread out a bit more.

I am personally against the idea of arranged marriages but it should never be the business of the government to interfere with the lives of its citizens unless they are obviously harming others. Sure many can construe this as harm but if the people are all up for it, who is the government to say 'no' to them.

Well, at the very least, an arranged marriage would make for an interesting honeymoon...

"So, spouse of mine, what is your middle name, anway? I did not quite catch it during the ceremony."

Seriously, though, it strikes me that it might be good to have a few things left to be discovered about one's spouse after the marriage. If a couple dates for ages and ages and already knows each other in every little detail, what is left for after the wedding? I suppose the mystery just attracts me.

It is kind of stupid. It's like they get girlfriends for the sole purpose of cheating on them. They waste their own time.

Besides, they'll lose the girlfriend.

Arranged marriages have their place in certain types of society. The western society is not one of those types though.

Arranged marriage was and is still the norm in most of India. The system has its advantages and disadvantages. For westerners it looks like an abomination and I can understand why...but you will also find a lot of Indians supporting that system simply because it works for them.

My sister met her to-be husband only a week before her marriage. They have a very happy married life. It was not decided arbitrarily. My parents looked for somebody who would suit her and likewise with my bro-in-law's parents. They talked and then my sis and b-i-l talked and they said ok and they got married.

My cousin sis got arranged into a bad marriage and she puts up with it because of social taboos, for the kid, her lack of financial independence etc.

Things are changing sloooooowly...love marriages are increasingly common..even inter-caste and inter-religion...in the cities where the boy and girl work alone and meet up at workplaces or social circles etc. Outside cities it is still the traditional way.