NationStates Jolt Archive

And you discover it is January 1st, 1930, you are in the Kremlin, Moscow, the USSR, and have infact had your mind melded with Joseph Stalins.

In other words, you have complete control over Joseph Stalins body. You also gain all of his abilities, as well as adding yours to his. If your good at painting, behold, Joseph Stalin is an excellent painter. If you sucked at political backstabbing, now you are a excellent political backstabber, because Joseph Stalin was.

However, you gain no other advantages, if the Red Army or the NKVD(or worse, both) suspect that you are beginning to really backslide on Communist principles, they will probably have you overthrown.

What do you do?

Does that also mean I'm paranoid? :p

No... I said abilities, not personality.

Well, I think I'll first empty a bottle of wodka, or whatever he has in his cabinet, because I'd be very shocked for the first couple of days :D

After that, I don't know yet...

Edit: Although inventing the 'red bull' comes to mind, so that I can pass out on wodka-red bull :D And I could even make it a thing of communism since it's called red and gives the comrade energy *nod*

And you discover it is January 1st, 1930, you are in the Kremlin, Moscow, the USSR, and have infact had your mind melded with Joseph Stalins.

In other words, you have complete control over Joseph Stalins body. You also gain all of his abilities, as well as adding yours to his. If your good at painting, behold, Joseph Stalin is an excellent painter. If you sucked at political backstabbing, now you are a excellent political backstabber, because Joseph Stalin was.

However, you gain no other advantages, if the Red Army or the NKVD(or worse, both) suspect that you are beginning to really backslide on Communist principles, they will probably have you overthrown.

What do you do?

I would invent Rock & Roll.

I would be really confused.

So, repeating "Oh shit" a decent amount of times, alternating between English and Russian, would be a good start.

However, you gain no other advantages, if the Red Army or the NKVD(or worse, both) suspect that you are beginning to really backslide on Communist principles, they will probably have you overthrown.
So what? I'll just have all the bastards shot. This is my Russian Empire, and within it's boundries it shall be I who decides what supports the fundamental principles of Communism and what doesn't.

And you discover it is January 1st, 1930, you are in the Kremlin, Moscow, the USSR, and have infact had your mind melded with Joseph Stalins.

In other words, you have complete control over Joseph Stalins body. You also gain all of his abilities, as well as adding yours to his. If your good at painting, behold, Joseph Stalin is an excellent painter. If you sucked at political backstabbing, now you are a excellent political backstabber, because Joseph Stalin was.

However, you gain no other advantages, if the Red Army or the NKVD(or worse, both) suspect that you are beginning to really backslide on Communist principles, they will probably have you overthrown.

What do you do?

Well, I'd immediately stop the forced nationalizations, the purges, the repressive 5 year plans and the shameless manipulation of international communist politics. I'd then proceed to dismantle the intrenched hierarchy of the Red Army, transforming it back to a popular militia complete with elected officers and all that such. Naturally, the enlisted people would love it, but the officers wouldn't. But, that wouldn't matter, because then I'd politely ask the Red Army soldier councils to round up the officers and disarm the NKVD. With such corrupt military factions undone, I'd then proceed to dismantle the party-state, devolving all powers back to free soviets and the factory committees.

After having remolded the Bolshevik party state into an anarcho-collectivist society, I'd give up public politicking, and divide the rest of my time between surrealist art and helping agitate in the West. ;)

And you discover it is January 1st, 1930, you are in the Kremlin, Moscow, the USSR, and have infact had your mind melded with Joseph Stalins.

In other words, you have complete control over Joseph Stalins body. You also gain all of his abilities, as well as adding yours to his. If your good at painting, behold, Joseph Stalin is an excellent painter. If you sucked at political backstabbing, now you are a excellent political backstabber, because Joseph Stalin was.

However, you gain no other advantages, if the Red Army or the NKVD(or worse, both) suspect that you are beginning to really backslide on Communist principles, they will probably have you overthrown.

What do you do?

I will say "Fuck you all", purge the Red Army and the NKVD completely, and kill myself. I hate Stalin.

Stop collectivisations and nationalisations, but stick to the general principle of building up infrastructure. Tell everyone about Hitler, prepare to win the war in 1939 and gradually remove the party control over the state. Then, in 1940 or so when I'm the glorious crusher of nazism, I'll hold free elections.

I would postpone/halt collectivization, instead using a system similar to what was in place under the NEP where peasants sold their surpluses on the market after state quotas were fulfilled. Collectivization would be encouraged through tax incentives/financial aid, but would not be coerced.

I would continue the process of nationalization and industrialization, focusing instead on higher taxes as a means of coercing the process instead of disruptive and demoralizing mass killings (not that I would necessarily spare such methods if absolutely necessary). I'd place greater focus on consumer goods and economic efficiency as means of both improving morale as well as generating hard currency flows from trade with developed states.

"Oh. Fuck."

Rejoice! Power never tasted so good.

Well first I'd see if Stalin could suck his own... Then I'd see if he could fly by use of cardboard wings and a big red barn. After that I'd hang out in the hospital and suck it dry of morphine (hey it's communism, one for all and all for me ;) ). I'd win WWII, by heading over to Germany around 1935 or so and give Hitler a personal beat down. Once the Cold War hit I think I'd end ala, Dr. Strangelove.

Stalin was a madman, as genocidal as Hitler-in the interests of saving the world a lot of trouble in the future, I'd proceed as he did then be jackass enough for Europe to stop being so cowardly and listen to Churchill and bring the SOB down, sparing us the Cold War and hopefully the hippies.
The tree of liberty must occassionally be watered with the blood of patriots and tyrants, but only the tyrants complain about it.

Screw Stalin. Zombie Lenin is where it's at.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLe6fhBejNI

Seeing as how time travel is impossible and what not.

Hmm, I would give the comrades gifts like the simplex algorithm and other planning and optimization algorithms (had these courses at uni) to see whether Manfred Macx was right - that bad planning was the reason for the collapse (I guess it was not the only reason, but this is a gedankenexperiment).

And you discover it is January 1st, 1930, you are in the Kremlin, Moscow, the USSR, and have infact had your mind melded with Joseph Stalins.

In other words, you have complete control over Joseph Stalins body. You also gain all of his abilities, as well as adding yours to his. If your good at painting, behold, Joseph Stalin is an excellent painter. If you sucked at political backstabbing, now you are a excellent political backstabber, because Joseph Stalin was.

However, you gain no other advantages, if the Red Army or the NKVD(or worse, both) suspect that you are beginning to really backslide on Communist principles, they will probably have you overthrown.

What do you do?
Send the Red Army into Germany, killing and burning everything along the way.

Play it by history, back stabbing people and letting Hitler get the initial jump on me. Then I proceed to fuck up Eastern Europe, because if I don't, then the world as we know it could be destroyed. The deaths of millions, or the death of billions. Great choice for debate. :D

Get the drop on Germany, scare the rest of Europe into declaring war on me. Then "die" under suspicious circumstances and go on to live a life of luxury under an assumed name in some tropical country.

"What, me, Stalin? Don't be ridiculous."

Let Germany get the initial jump, but be prepared. Smash his army and catch him off guard, taking the Nazis as quickly as possible, but give the Nazis some wiggle room for harassing the West. Then, ally with Japan and catch the US off guard, and win. Using my knowledge of future technology, smash American, Nazi, and western European resistance. Even if I lose, I'll have done significant damage. I'll let China get me more support throughout Asia, Soviet America, S. Africa, and Australia. Then, after presumed Indian resistance, take up the mantle, finishing off the West. After that, introduce New Socialism, with controlled markets and select free markets. Then, just try to keep ahead of Mao's China. Shouldn't be to hard, I'll have fragmented Japanese, Indian, Australian, and probably others giving resistance. It's a long shot, but worth it I feel.

Step 1: Get drunk.

Step 2: Shave that ridiculous moustache.

Step 3: Purge, purge, purge. I'd "get rid of" everyone in the Army and Party that Joe had put in there before I took over his body and life.

Step 4: Cancel that assassination contract, and call Trotsky home to a hero's welcome and "all forgiven" and "gosh, Leon, you were right all along." Annoint him the People's Annointed. Let him take charge of the government and quietly step back, letting Russia be his headache, while I retire to a nice dacha somewhere to read Pushkin, like a sane person.

Because if I were Stalin, I'd know that there is a reason why Russia never had a good government in its entire history, and that it has nothing to do with ideologies.

And you discover it is January 1st, 1930, you are in the Kremlin, Moscow, the USSR, and have infact had your mind melded with Joseph Stalins.

In other words, you have complete control over Joseph Stalins body. You also gain all of his abilities, as well as adding yours to his. If your good at painting, behold, Joseph Stalin is an excellent painter. If you sucked at political backstabbing, now you are a excellent political backstabber, because Joseph Stalin was.

However, you gain no other advantages, if the Red Army or the NKVD(or worse, both) suspect that you are beginning to really backslide on Communist principles, they will probably have you overthrown.

What do you do?

I'd excercise my totalitarian powers, having myself declared the greatest person ever, and everyone who doesn't think so shall be... Oh wait, he already did that.

I'd not order Trotsky be killed, hand power to him, and try to find a way to become myself again--

--Oh, 1930, just remembered that....Ok then basically what Trotskylvania said but more of a socialist government than anarcho-collectivism. Anarcho-anythings tend to be worryingly unstable. And you don't want another civil war with even more factions.
And, that national government wouldn't be too much more than a uniting entity, allowing more dynamic political action on the part of the soviet republics, and avoiding a bureaucratic quagmire in Moscow.

And you discover it is January 1st, 1930, you are in the Kremlin, Moscow, the USSR, and have infact had your mind melded with Joseph Stalins.

In other words, you have complete control over Joseph Stalins body. You also gain all of his abilities, as well as adding yours to his. If your good at painting, behold, Joseph Stalin is an excellent painter. If you sucked at political backstabbing, now you are a excellent political backstabber, because Joseph Stalin was.

However, you gain no other advantages, if the Red Army or the NKVD(or worse, both) suspect that you are beginning to really backslide on Communist principles, they will probably have you overthrown.

What do you do?


Simple...make a true alliance with Hitler and split the planet. Then, when he is not looking, assassinate him and his head bosses, paint several rebel groups as responsible and step in to save the day and take over the whole world.

I doubt communism would ever work but can't imagine a better opportunity to test if the lefties who claim that communism only failed because corrupt tyrants messed it up so I'd test it. I'd invent the internet and have all the comrades fill in what they need online in order of priority. Then the industry produces the first X work hours worth of goods on each comrade's list each week. A certain percentage (that can never be changed) of the work time would go to projects furthering the greater good as decided by an online poll which in turn would mostly follow my propaganda on what the greater good is. Personal liberties would increase slowly but steadily to arrive at a liberal level with free press and all some time in the fifties.

I'd try to get as many allies as possible in or around Asia minus Japan and encourage them to prepare for conquering India and Persia. When WW2 comes I'd get my spies in Germany to focus on getting work at concentration camps to take pictures, great propaganda material. After pearl harbor when Japan is busy with USA I'd declare that Japan must be liberated from the elitist tyrants who rule it without any regard for equality or brotherhood and take over the place. Hopefully turning the whole eastern half of the world into a liberal communist alliance.

Turn over and go back to sleep. I clearly don't have to get up for work, as the company I work for hadn't even been founded in 1930.

I'd write the gamecode for something I shall call 'NationStates'.

As I still have the 21st century knowledge, I'd have the Red Army build the worlds biggest film studios on Moscows outskirts in record time, have the scientists develop new cameras instead of tanks and produce everything that will be a real blockbuster in the next 70 years, all of these loaded with hidden messages to brainwash the audience. Then sell the stuff throughout the world knocking Hollywood out of business and have myself elected president in every single country of the world by these brainwashed sheep thus gaining world domination and making a huge profit of it as well. Two birds with one stone :p

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/cccp.gifhttp://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/Notonestepbackward.jpghttp://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/cccp.gif
Muahahahahahahahaaaa!

Let's just say some people are in for a nasty surprise.

Having watched enough tv programmes to know that if you mess up the timelines you end up with a world run by giant insects, I would try and remember as much history as possible.

Having watched enough tv programmes to know that if you mess up the timelines you end up with a world run by giant insects, I would try and remember as much history as possible.
In Soviet Russia, cockroach eats you?

I would overthrow whoever's in charge, send Trotsky to work in some cushy, do-nothing government job, make a few speeches, try to improve the quality of life enough that people like me, send some troublemakers to the gulags, give the Soviets a good reputation for some really off-the-wall talent, and work on our Olympic sports programs.

Then, in 1932, I work on an anti-Nazi propaganda campaign, in 1936, we kick the shit out of them in the Olympics, and in 1938-39, we go to war and annihilate those fascist bastards. I put Adolf Hitler's head on a stick, and then I agree to help the Americans defeat the damn dirty Japanese as long as I get a cut of the spoils.

I then use the cut of the spoils to systematically do everything possible to annoy the Americans - not so much to provoke war, just to needle them into a reaction.

I train Khrushchev as my successor and teach him to be a real fucking wise guy.

And before I die, I make sure to visit Hawaii.

But my first order of business? That would be to have a beer.

In Soviet Russia, cockroach eats you?

You must have had different history books to me. Or your history teacher was necking large amounts of acid. Possible as mine used to teach in the adopted persona of Paul Daniels - very annoying.

Abandon socialism, then conquer Europe in the name of Germany.

Well, I think I'll first empty a bottle of wodka, or whatever he has in his cabinet, because I'd be very shocked for the first couple of days :D

After that, I don't know yet...

Edit: Although inventing the 'red bull' comes to mind, so that I can pass out on wodka-red bull :D And I could even make it a thing of communism since it's called red and gives the comrade energy *nod*

Winner.

I'd buy an ice-pick factory in Mexico.

I'd buy an ice-pick factory in Mexico.

You are so cold... ;)

Nothing personal , just as long as you get my point.

Heh.

What? No one wants to abuse that new found power? Ok, so a couple of you are doing it right. The rest of you... c'mon! You're one of the most powerful dictators in history, don't you want to abuse that power?

The only thing I might do differently is pwn Hitler earlier.

That works. :)

What? No one wants to abuse that new found power? Ok, so a couple of you are doing it right. The rest of you... c'mon! You're one of the most powerful dictators in history, don't you want to abuse that power?

The only thing I might do differently is pwn Hitler earlier.

And you discover it is January 1st, 1930, you are in the Kremlin, Moscow, the USSR, and have infact had your mind melded with Joseph Stalins.

In other words, you have complete control over Joseph Stalins body. You also gain all of his abilities, as well as adding yours to his. If your good at painting, behold, Joseph Stalin is an excellent painter. If you sucked at political backstabbing, now you are a excellent political backstabber, because Joseph Stalin was.

However, you gain no other advantages, if the Red Army or the NKVD(or worse, both) suspect that you are beginning to really backslide on Communist principles, they will probably have you overthrown.

What do you do?


I would behave oddly. :)

What? No one wants to abuse that new found power? Ok, so a couple of you are doing it right. The rest of you... c'mon! You're one of the most powerful dictators in history, don't you want to abuse that power?

I'm trying, but the only thing I can think of is to use my policital skills to bring about the downfall of communism earlier and under controlled circumstances, that should prevent the later breakup of the Soviet Union. then slowly (again, under controlled circumstances) bring in Captialism and turn Russian into a Democratic Repulic. (WWII would be a tool to help bring down Communism as most of the key figures would be 'reassigned' to the front lines to insure Russia's Victory.)

Secure ties with China, be really good friends with them... and slowly change their political culture. (harder since I will be working through diplomats.)

Then allign Russa with the USA where I will herald a Russia/America/United Kingdom/China alliance that would make the other countries quake in fear.

Wait for Al to show up and tell me what Ziggy thinks I need to do to make the next jump...

I would behave oddly. :)

I think the clown outfit might frighten them.

I'd undo the crackdown on dissent. To pull this off, I'd find an adviser who really deserves to die, and use him as a scapegoat. Say that 'he is punishing those who merely voice their concerns' and have him shot, while releasing all political prisoners.

Next, I'd eliminate Party favoritism. Any Party member who is formally charged with a crime will have his Party membership suspended until he has been acquitted. I'd also ban individual dachas. Party officials will live in buildings designed with security in mind - probably apartments. This is more fair, AND saves money.

Then, I'd take care of the economy. I would institute a rigid inspection program to prevent corruption, using the workers as my intelligence source. Once I actually know what my economic output is, I'd focus on ensuring that our economic output reaches previous claimed levels before attempting new programs.

To assure everyone that I AM Communist, I would support Communist movements across the globe. As soon as I have cleaned up Russia sufficiently, I would announce a World Socialist Conference, to be held in Leningrad. The theme of the conference would be "Revolution Without Blood," aiming to achieve Socialist reform without violence. To solidify my claims, I would invite Gandhi to be the keynote speaker, and let him tell everyone how he is striving for Indian independence against the British imperialists without bloodshed. Implicit in this would be Soviet backing for Indian independence. I would make a speech stating that true Communists do not need to use force.

Future World Socialist Conferences would have different themes, all meant to portray a different aspect of Socialism, and ensure Socialist progress. WSC '34 would probably focus on "The Worker", and I'd invite FDR to be the speaker there, to show how his New Deal program will benefit American workers.

As for the Nazis, I have a plan. First, I would denounce Mussolini as the World's Biggest Imperialist Bastard. I would then declare that Hitler is going to be another Mussolini, and back the German Socialists in the German elections. I would obviously blame the Kaiser and German imperialism for their defeat in the Great War. If all goes well, Hitler loses his election, and the Socialists take power in Germany.

If Hitler wins, I immediately inform my generals that Hitler is going to attack Russia, and we need to be ready. I'd oppose him in the Sudentland, and certainly in Poland. I'd also help the Americans take down the "Japanese Imperialists".

If Hitler wins, I immediately inform my generals that Hitler is going to attack Russia, and we need to be ready. I'd oppose him in the Sudentland, and certainly in Poland. I'd also help the Americans take down the "Japanese Imperialists".

Why oppose Hitler at all? You already would have (if you played your cards right) a treaty for half of the Poland in exchange for holding off while the Big H attacks France. Wait for him to invade France, then stab him in the back and "Liberate" all of Poland and Germany, and restore France's borders. Or don't.

If I recall correctly (which I probably don't), one of the USSR's problems was that they measured their prosperity by the amount of steel produced. If so, I would change it so that production (and distribution) of food was the priority. I could probably manage that without "Red Army or the NKVD(or worse, both) [suspecting] that you are beginning to really backslide on Communist principles", right?