NationStates Jolt Archive

They were talking about this article on the radio yesterday, about the Signs You're Heading For Divorce (http://coaches.aol.com/love-and-sex/wendy-jaffe/staying-married). I was wondering what people thought about that, but I also thought it would be interesting to see if anybody was seeing these signs in their own relationship.

I just know this was your way of finding out if I was involved with someone. Well, I'm not!

spending more time at work is usely one

(0) You're married. 52%* divorce chance, badabing, badaboom

* True for for US -- may be different in other countries, especially those backwards ones which outlaw divorce.

I got married before I was 25 after a whirlwind romance, but the rest of it notsomuch. I can't even really say I am disillusioned, I knew what he was before I committed and it's fine by me.

Sign #1: You're married.

Yay for live in girlfriends! :D

Marriage is work.

That's why I'm commonlaw:D/jk

Marriage is work.

That's why I'm commonlaw:D/jk

Hell I may consider common law, With a live in girlfriend/boyfriend, you get the experiences of being married, but you get to keep the government out of it, and you can still maintain your independence and individuality! The only downside is that you don't get tax breaks....and you can't sign your girlfriend on your health care plan, and other legal stuff.

I got married before I was 25 after a whirlwind romance, but the rest of it notsomuch. I can't even really say I am disillusioned, I knew what he was before I committed and it's fine by me.

"what he was"

you didnt marry an ax murderer did you??

Just age, I was 23 and she was 22. Everything seems to be in working order.

"what he was"

you didnt marry an ax murderer did you??

no, just a human.

Hell I may consider common law, With a live in girlfriend/boyfriend, you get the experiences of being married, but you get to keep the government out of it, and you can still maintain your independence and individuality! The only downside is that you don't get tax breaks....and you can't sign your girlfriend on your health care plan, and other legal stuff.

and if you split you have to get a real divorce and she can take half your stuff, but yeah! it's so much better than getting those icky benefits.

no, just a human.

Ax murderers are human too you know.

...unless it happens to be a chimp that got hold of an ax...In which case ax murderers are primates....then again, that's also true if it's only humans, but still.

I'm not married, but in my relationship I've got:

- being opposites
- the in-law factor

...and maybe he's a workaholic, hard to say. Maybe I will get that book...

Ax murderers are human too you know.

...unless it happens to be a chimp that got hold of an ax...In which case ax murderers are primates....then again, that's also true if it's only humans, but still.

primates you say?............he is quite fuzzy and he does grunt at times

*investigates*

Hell I may consider common law, With a live in girlfriend/boyfriend, you get the experiences of being married, but you get to keep the government out of it, and you can still maintain your independence and individuality! The only downside is that you don't get tax breaks....and you can't sign your girlfriend on your health care plan, and other legal stuff.

Not true here. A commonlaw relationship is legally binding. You also file taxes together.

Not true here. A commonlaw relationship is legally binding. You also file taxes together.

a commonlaw relationship is legally binding here too, just not as much as marriage, you have trouble with getting health coverage for your "spouse" but if you split it's like you really were married. You can file taxes together though if you choose to, but once you do you are married according to the IRS and it's hard to split after without a divorce.

no, just a human.

oh well then, i know what you mean.

its a bad thing to go into marriage with rose colored glasses. humans are so imperfect.

1. I object to their recommendation of 25 or 30 before getting married. You gotta have kids before then!
2. Marriage is retarded.

1. I object to their recommendation of 25 or 30 before getting married. You gotta have kids before then!
2. Marriage is retarded.

So you'd rather marry, get the baby-making out of the way, divorce, THEN find somebody you can really be compatible with?

That's what my mom did.

no, just a human.

so photoshop was used in that pic :p

a commonlaw relationship is legally binding here too, just not as much as marriage, you have trouble with getting health coverage for your "spouse" but if you split it's like you really were married. You can file taxes together though if you choose to, but once you do you are married according to the IRS and it's hard to split after without a divorce.

You don't get to chose here, to file together or not. You have to, or pretend you aren't a couple...which is impossible if you have children together.

And yeah, it can be just as expensive to split.

Biggest sign of impending divorce: The arguments stop.

When neither side any longer gives a damn enough to argue over an issue, it's over.

Marriage is work.

That's why I'm commonlaw:D/jk
Don't you take on the obligations of a licensed couple after a while?

But the work part is probably always understated. After 26 years, I figure we're on the net positive side between good years and bad years. But a lot of tolerance, communication, and effort has gone into making the marriage span the bad ones.

Don't you take on the obligations of a licensed couple after a while?

But the work part is probably always understated. After 26 years, I figure we're on the net positive side between good years and bad years. But a lot of tolerance, communication, and effort has gone into making the marriage span the bad ones.

Yeah, we're on year 11...and it really doesn't get much easier. I mean...we communicate better most of the time, but it's still work...and it's easy to get complacent and let things slide until they finally boil over.

If we split, with our combined assets and the kids, it would be just as difficult as a married couple.

I just know this was your way of finding out if I was involved with someone. Well, I'm not!

Geez dude, I don't even know who you are. Are you male or female even?

Biggest sign of impending divorce: The arguments stop.

When neither side any longer gives a damn enough to argue over an issue, it's over.

I don't know if that's necessarily true. I think maybe if the issue isn't that big, it could be a sign that both partners have accepted the way the other person is.

Now, if the couple never talks or discusses things, then it's definitely on a downward spiral.

Geez dude, I don't even know who you are. Are you male or female even?

I suggest getting naked and sliding under the covers with GT to find out.

oh well then, i know what you mean.

its a bad thing to go into marriage with rose colored glasses. humans are so imperfect.

It's like my husband said "all her flaws are magnified in me and all my strengths are magnified in her"

I see it the other way around of course, but such is the relationship. ;)

I don't know if that's necessarily true. I think maybe if the issue isn't that big, it could be a sign that both partners have accepted the way the other person is.

Now, if the couple never talks or discusses things, then it's definitely on a downward spiral.

yeah I think that's probably a better way to put it. I'm thinking of situations where one party or the other (or both) shuts down because it's not worth the hassle of discussing it anymore. The first casualty is communication.

yeah I think that's probably a better way to put it. I'm thinking of situations where one party or the other (or both) shuts down because it's not worth the hassle of discussing it anymore. The first casualty is communication.

Totally.

When you get an email from a girl that had done an internship for you - and she tells you that she doenst want to start trouble, because she knows you have a new baby at home - but that your husband has a personal ad online and has been asking her and her friends out....

Sign #6 is when you acquire this info - set up a personal ad of your own - and communicate with him online, set up a meeting place, and bust him in front of everyone - emailing his personal ad to the whole family with a note saying " When we get a divorce, this is why, so don't bother asking me" :p:p


:) Everything happens for a reason, you just can't always see your destination because of the curves in the road...

I suggest getting naked and sliding under the covers with GT to find out.

Hmmm...can I at least get some test results first?

Hmmm...can I at least get some test results first?

Wear a full body glove.

:) Everything happens for a reason, you just can't always see your destination because of the curves in the road...

Oh NIIIIICE!

That way you avoid the whole 'it was her fault' shit.

I also object to their recommendation to wait until age 30 to get married. I'm aware of quite a few first marriages made well before 25 that did not end in divorce... and yes, if you want to have children with your marriage, it's a good idea to start having them before 30.

Granted, rushing into marriage isn't a good idea, but there's nothing wrong with settling down earlier.

Oh NIIIIICE!

That way you avoid the whole 'it was her fault' shit.

OK well, if you want to look at it THAT way - then its HIS fault for being an unemployeed, maladjusted Mommas boy... with no sense of self, responsibility or direction in life.

and while I am thinking of this...
Why is it, when a man cheats on a woman... the woman alwasy blames the OTHER women for being skanks?? Isnt it more HIS fault for straying??? lol

I also object to their recommendation to wait until age 30 to get married. I'm aware of quite a few first marriages made well before 25 that did not end in divorce... and yes, if you want to have children with your marriage, it's a good idea to start having them before 30.

Granted, rushing into marriage isn't a good idea, but there's nothing wrong with settling down earlier.

I moved in with my husband when I was 19...admitedly WAAAY too early. But we waited seven years to have kids, and we've both grown a lot on the way. It'll never be idyllic...but I'm the kind of person who would just languish without drama.

Wow! In my brief but miserable marriage every last one of these factors was present. They might also add having children before you're financially or emotionally ready for them.

and while I am thinking of this...
Why is it, when a man cheats on a woman... the woman alwasy blames the OTHER women for being skanks?? Isnt it more HIS fault for straying??? lol
I noticed this with my friend, her husband repeatedly cheats on her and she ends up with all this drama with the other women. I tried to reason with her

"did she know he was married?"
"no"
"did he know he was married?"
"yeah"
"so, you are pissed at her, and not him?"
"yeah"

no use. :rolleyes:

I moved in with my husband when I was 19...admitedly WAAAY too early. But we waited seven years to have kids, and we've both grown a lot on the way. It'll never be idyllic...but I'm the kind of person who would just languish without drama.
My mother was ... oh... 19 or so when my parents got married. She was 22 when she had my older brother (and my father 27.) No signs of divorce any time soon.

For that matter, my paternal grandparents were high school sweethearts...

Frankly, I don't think any age over 18 is too young to get married, although it can often be too early, if you catch my distinction.

OK well, if you want to look at it THAT way - then its HIS fault for being an unemployeed, maladjusted Mommas boy... with no sense of self, responsibility or direction in life.

and while I am thinking of this...
Why is it, when a man cheats on a woman... the woman alwasy blames the OTHER women for being skanks?? Isnt it more HIS fault for straying??? lol

Exactly. No point in blaming the other person...they didn't MAKE your partner cheat.

Here is one:

Coming home every night, to find a new man/woman in bed with your wife/husband. :p

My mother was ... oh... 19 or so when my parents got married. She was 22 when she had my older brother (and my father 27.) No signs of divorce any time soon.

For that matter, my paternal grandparents were high school sweethearts...

Frankly, I don't think any age over 18 is too young to get married, although it can often be too early, if you catch my distinction.

I got married when I was 18, had my first kid at 19 and another 22 months later....no sign of divorce here. I was ready to get married and my husband and I knew exactly what we were getting into.

:p

Frankly, I don't think any age over 18 is too young to get married, although it can often be too early, if you catch my distinction.

Yeah...I wasn't actually totally ready to settle down...then again, to be perfectly honest, it might have saved my life. I was on a very bad path.

Here is one:

Coming home every night, to find a new man/woman in bed with your wife/husband. :p

I'd say that's a pretty clear indicator...

My mother was ... oh... 19 or so when my parents got married. She was 22 when she had my older brother (and my father 27.) No signs of divorce any time soon.

For that matter, my paternal grandparents were high school sweethearts...

Frankly, I don't think any age over 18 is too young to get married, although it can often be too early, if you catch my distinction.

Part of that has to do with the culture and times they grew up and got married in. In the past divorce was almost totally unacceptable no matter how unhappy you might have been in your relationship. You just sucked it up and pretended all was well for appearance sake. Now days your friends, family and society at large tell you to dump the "creep/bitch" at the slightest hint of trouble. Expectations of marriage have also changed. I think people expect perfection from it now and are less tolerant of any bump in the road. You also have to look at the culture of the family the person grew up in. If all of their relatives have been divorced a time or two, it might indicate that they view divorce more casually than someone who grew up in a family where divorce was taboo.

My partners mother was 16 when she got married in the 20's. She died this past winter just shy of her 80th anniversary. My mother got married at 17 in 1959 and was divorced at 34.

There are just so many variables that come into play in relationships.

my parents just finally signed the papers for their divorce a couple of weeks ago. i've been wishing theyd get it done with for the past 7 years or so. sleeping in seperate beds, being condescending about one another to us behind each other's backs, refusing physical contact, constantly finding fault with one another, vain attempts to rekindle romance. all those are a lot of fun, not as much fun as the paranoia and back stabbing of the legal procedings of divorce, i hate lawyers.

Constant criticism, endless comments about how there way is much better and explanations of how sausages are made.
Oh and my snoring!!! Yeehaaa at least I can do something well. :D

Ax murderers are human too you know.

...unless it happens to be a chimp that got hold of an ax...In which case ax murderers are primates....then again, that's also true if it's only humans, but still.

*bemoans lack of thumbs*

I work at the Post Office and the number one sign is when a woman comes in and gets her own post office box. Then letters from banks and lawyers find their way into that box.

I work at the Post Office and the number one sign is when a woman comes in and gets her own post office box. Then letters from banks and lawyers find their way into that box.

im not sure that can be classified as "heading for divorce". its more like the decision has been made its just not official yet.

**EDIT**

wait a minute, *I* have a post office box! my husband might not even be aware of it.

yikes!

I work at the Post Office and the number one sign is when a woman comes in and gets her own post office box. Then letters from banks and lawyers find their way into that box.

Newman.

im not sure that can be classified as "heading for divorce". its more like the decision has been made its just not official yet.

**EDIT**

wait a minute, *I* have a post office box! my husband might not even be aware of it.

yikes!
:eek: I have a P.O. box as well, I don't remember if my husband knows about it, I had it before we married.....I pay for it.......maybe he knows......I don't remember.......

I know he knows about my safe deposit box, in case I die or something, there is stuff in there he might want for the girls.

Geez dude, I don't even know who you are. Are you male or female even?

Hi! I'm Greater Trostia. I come complete with body hair and penis. Pleasetomeetcha!

Ax murderers are human too you know.

...unless it happens to be a chimp that got hold of an ax...In which case ax murderers are primates....then again, that's also true if it's only humans, but still.

What about dogs that shoot their owners, presumably inadvertently?

I don't know if that's necessarily true. I think maybe if the issue isn't that big, it could be a sign that both partners have accepted the way the other person is.

Now, if the couple never talks or discusses things, then it's definitely on a downward spiral.
I'd bet it's a lot more true than not.

I'm not in any kind of relationship, but I hope to get married within a few years (I'm 18). A friend of mine who is the same age recently got engaged, and I hope to attend her wedding.

no, just a human.

And Smunkeeville for the win! It never ceases to amaze me how people (particularly women) seem to think that putting that wedding band on will somehow magically make everything perfect.

You'd be amazed by the number of men (every single one of them is a man, AFAIK) who tell my parents to ship their bonsai tools and trees to a different address because they don't want their wives or significant others to know how much they're spending on hobby stuff. Shared interests are a must! Redwulf and I met through the SCA (http://www.sca.org), and we're still members. It's an intensive and sometimes expensive hobby, but at least we don't have to hide it from each other.